Carnival of Dating Advice, 20th Edition


carnival of dating advice

Welcome to the 20th Edition of the Carnival of Dating Advice, bringing you the web's best on dating, relationships, psychology... the works.

This time around, we have an eclectic mix of articles, ranging from how-to advice to a piece on delving into the subculture of Suicide Girls to the role of sex (and lack thereof) in the fraying of relationships. There's even a rather farcical post that I think you'll find fitting for the holiday (April Fools' Day, that is).

On with the carnival...


Dating

Jonathan Grant of Ask a Wise Man submits How to Get Out of the “Friend Zone”!, a comprehensive post that goes into the nitty gritty of how men end up as just friends with women in the first place, what's going on in those men's heads, and what they need to do to break free. Worth a read if you've ever found yourself stuck in the friends' no man's land.


Psychology

While we had an article up here not long ago on mixed signals, Todd of Fearless Men takes the topic in a different direction with "Reading Mixed Signals: What To Do If You’re Confused By A Woman," aimed at overcoming the confusion (and not doing anything silly).


Perspectives

Lara Whitmore of Live Creatively writes about The Suicide Girls, a fascinating subculture and Internet phenomenon which, if you aren't familiar with it, isn't actually about suicide, but rather girls in the goth / punk / pinup culture of the early 2000s.


Relationships

Graham Stoney presents a piece on relationships to help you get over your demons entitled "How to Handle Rejection: By Getting Even." Tips here include taking things personally, firebombing letterboxes, and stalking.

Sulagna Dasgupta of Love in India is back, this time with “Should I Break Up?” The ONE Question You Need to Ask. To answer that one question though - "Is this relationship giving me what I need from it?" - Sulagna has four more questions you should ask yourself to really get down to the details, saying, "If you're honest with yourself, you'll have to admit that at least once during your relationship you've wondered if it's worth it. While it's important to recognize and end a toxic relationship before it's too late, it's equally important to preserve a healthy and fulfilling one against bouts of anger, misunderstanding or ennui. This article reveals the ONE basic question you need to ask yourself before you make a decision, and the ways to figure out its answers."

Nathalie Haywood of The Relationship Destroyers presents "Boredom to Whoredom," on the topic of how sexually unsatisfied partners often lead to straying and relationship destruction. This way this one's written makes it a little difficult to read, but the point is good - mates with incompatible sex drives and sexual dissatisfaction of one or both partners are quite possibly the #1 killers of relationships.


Wrapping Up

... and that wraps us up for the twentieth edition of the Carnival of Dating Advice. If you're reading this and want to submit for next time, check out the guidelines here.

Hope you found these articles fun and useful. Tune in next time for more great posts from around the Internet.

Yours,
Chase Amante

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Comments

Jason's picture

Hi Chase! Great article!


Hi Chase!

Great article! Theres so much to be learned from every post! I have a quick question for you I was hoping you might be able to answer for me. I recently asked out a girl in my college class. The class meets three times a week and she is sort of a shy girl. Therefore, she tends to have less interaction with me in class in front of her friends. Would you try to tone down interaction with her in class or try to talk to her a lot? I say this because it does feel kind of weird if I have no interaction with her in class but lots of interaction outside of it. Thanks Chase!!

Chase Amante's picture

Girl in Class

Author

Jason-

Yeah, you're sort of in a weird no man's land when you've asked a girl out you see regularly but neither of you is sure what you are yet (i.e., you're not official boyfriend girlfriend or anything like that). I'd advise whether or not you hear from the girl that you're polite and casual, but don't go creating any really intense conversations or big interactions there. You're better remaining on her periphery anyway (see here) until you have something substantial with her regardless.

Chase

Pm61591's picture

Friends claiming girls


Hey Chase, recently I have been going out with my close friends to our one friends college house. Two of my friends constantly claim girls when they have not yet made them their lover. My one friend made out with one girl multiple times and now he thinks he owns her. For example an acquaintance of mine was talking to the girl the friend of mine made out with, that same friend came up to me and said hey look at mike trying to steal my girl. This really irked me for one it is not his girl at all and I bet if she heard him claim her she would be a little weirded out, and secondly if my friends keep claiming all the girls at the house party what the hell am I even doing there. Also the other friend whom throws the parties is very weird and possessive. You can't even talk or hug his ex GF if she is there who I am actually friends with, and again you can't talk to a girl he has hooked up with. One time I had my arm around his ex outside for warmth and he hit me in the nuts after yelling at me to let go and I refused because he was being ridiculous. Also sometimes when I am talking to a girl at the party the friend that owns the house will always try to bring me down by saying I'm creepy or something along those lines. Not much of a friend I guess. Idk if I was clear on my story but I was wondering would it be bad if I tried for the girls my friends are claiming? And with dealing with my friend bringing me down should I use social pressure and the ever so simple "so?" to put him on the spot or is there a better way to go about dealing with that?

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Friends claiming girls

Author

Phil-

I'd be really annoyed by that too. What you have here though is a conflict of definitions of "ownership" - in these guys' minds, merely kissing a girl makes her "theirs," whereas in your mind (and in these girls' minds, no doubt), this definition is ridiculous.

One problem comes in when you're talking to girls on their turf. In a way, you sort of need to respect a man's rules when you're at his party or on his property. e.g., if I come to your party and you tell me all the women there are off limits because you're trying to land all of them, I'm sort of in a questionable gray area if I go for one of those girls - I'm your guest, but disregarding the rules of the house.

It's a different story if you're out somewhere in public - say you go to a bar, or some other guy's house, and one of your friends tries to claim girls are his because he's kissed them. At that point, you can laugh and say, "You and I have very different definitions of when a girl is 'your girl,' brother. For you, it's kissing - but if that's the case, that girl's actually 20 different guys' girls, because she makes out with everybody. For me, a girl's not your girl until your cock goes up in her." At that point you can continue with, "Look, if you want to say you're going for that girl, I'll lay off her for a while, no problem. But if you can't close the deal, you don't get to call dibs, capice?"

If a guy's very clearly got something good happening with a girl, I'd stay away. You don't want to mess with your friends' girls that they're in the process of closing out on.

What you might want to do is establish a time limit with your pals. Next time one of them tries claiming a girl, call a huddle together and say, "Hey, look, listen. I'm seeing a lot of guys claiming girls they aren't fucking. Personally, I think this is weak and pathetic. I don't know about the rest of you guys, but as much as I care about my friends, I don't want to sit around playing with my dick for 6 months waiting for one of my buddies to shit or get off the pot. So let's agree on a time limit for how long a guy can call dibs on some girl and what the requirements are for calling dibs, all right? I propose the guy must have at least made out with the girl before and/or gotten her phone number, and he's only got a 3-week window to get her in bed; after that, it's assumed she's just toying with him, and she's fair game for everyone else. Oh, and one girl at a time - nobody gets to call dibs on every girl on campus."

Long term, it sounds like what you need to do is find friends who are actually good with women. These guys won't call dibs on any girl they aren't currently sleeping with, except on rare occasions, and they won't get all weird about you talking to their exes.

Chase

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