Most guys who want to get good with girls focus primarily what to say when they first start out.
Me? Pretty early on, I focused on facial expressions.
Ever wonder why girls go so crazy for certain Hollywood stars? Many of them are good-looking, sure... but there are plenty of good-looking men out there that women don't go gaga for.
Yet, many great-looking men make it into Hollywood only to never achieve that legendary "sex symbol" status that certain actors do. What sifts the wheat from the chaff?
Well, acting chops, certainly... and hit movies help. But one of the topmost factors is this: charm.
And what's up there in the mix among the chief elements of this mysterious thing called "charm"? You guessed it - it's what we talk about in this post: facial expressions.
If you get the right sensual, powerful, captivating expressions down, you become someone positively mesmerizing to women.
So let's have a look at seven (7) of the best: four flirty and sexy
ramp up your sex appeal with women, and three for putting a little social pressure to good use...
while of course still keeping it pretty sexy, too.
"He's a real charmer."
Anyone ever say this about you?
I started "collecting" cool, interesting, and sexy facial expressions back in college. I had a few of my own prior to then, but I really started paying attention to what people were doing in my early twenties as I started socializing more and tried to parse what made certain people just so much more magnetic than others.
One girl in particular I remember, who had the most charming personality and absolutely the cutest - but also sexiest - collection of little unique facial expressions I'd ever seen, I ended up spending a little too much time pursuing, getting little more than a kiss on the lips when she was drunk one night for my efforts (before being promptly cockblocked by her pretty Persian girlfriend, who despised me). Sure enough, that charming, expressive girl went on to star in a few reality television shows on VH1, but back when I knew her she really started me paying attention to what people were doing with facial expressions.
#1: The Cute and Sexy Look
Let's kick off with the one we talked about in "Sexy Body Language for Men (Learned from Hot Girls)": the cute and sexy look.
This one's something of a "bread and butter" look for interacting with women - it automatically slots you into "sexy guy" territory, and you'll want to do it as much as possible... perhaps even turn it into your default facial expression.
Cute and sex is, for a refresher (or in case you didn't read the previous article):
An underlook, with chin tucked down and eyes looking up
Lips slightly pursed and drawn into a slight, playful smile
Eyebrows either up or down (never just neutral)
A hand or object near your face to draw attention, if you like
Eyes peaking out from the corners of their sockets / head slightly turned if you want added sexiness
And it looks like this:
The cute and sexy look really ramps up interest from women, and causes them to view you as a curious, interesting, sexual man - and one very much worth getting to know.
This look is effective at placing you firmly into the 'lover' category - removing much of the risk of ending up in the friend zone or as an early boyfriend candidate. That's because more platonic men simply don't use it, and if you do, she knows automatically which category you go in (the bold, naughty, sexy man).
It isn't going to pick girls up for you, of course - you've still got to do that yourself.
But if you want to have an easier time of it with everything you do with women, this look contributes to that quite strongly. Test it out, if you haven't already - you'll almost certainly find it useful.
#2: The Value-Giving Smile
A friend of mine in California who's very good with women uses this facial expression a great deal - and not just with girls, either. This is his go-to smile for any time he wants to give value.
What's that mean, "give value"?
By this I mean:
Someone tells a joke or makes a witty comment, and you want to smile/laugh a little bit, in a high status way. The communication here is, "All right, I'll give you that one! That's funny."
Someone tells a story about something he or she did that is cool, different, or exciting, and you want to show them a little admiration without oozing it. Here the communication is, "Well, you don't say! That's neat."
You see someone you haven't seen in a while (although it's fine to use on dates too, assuming the girl isn't overly serious), and want to show them you're happy to see them in a high status way without having to use words, get up, be overly expressive, etc. In this case, the communication is, "Hey, it's you! Great to see you again, old friend."
Sean Connery does the expression well, so we'll use him as an example again:
You'll notice the characteristics of this one are:
Genuine smile, with eyes crinkled at the corners (fake smiles don't have this eye-corner crinkling; genuine smiles do)
Reasonably broad smile, though broader on one side of the mouth than the other
Some teeth showing, but not a fully open-mouth smile; this smile's a mix of the sexy smile and the warm, friendly one
Eyebrows slightly pulled up, almost imperceptibly so
Often accompanied with a slight, slow head tilt backwards (not dramatic or significant; slight), followed by a nod forward to return the head to its original position, with a bit of "bounce" as the head settles into place
This expression is great for conveying feelings of warmth and familiarity; the instant you do this with someone, they feel as though the two of you are old friends... even if it's only your first date, or you've only just met her and you're acknowledging her as she returns from the bathroom.
#3: The Sexy Pouty Look
If you thought only little girls and sultry grown up minxes pouted, think again.
The sexy pouty look is often the domain of younger men, simply because it's a more "tormented" look... and younger men tend to be the more tormented, angstier men (older men just tend to have their stuff together, and don't need / use the pouty look all that often... although you can still find Brad Pitt and Sylvester Stallone using it quite a bit, even as they grow longer in tooth).
This expression is fairly similar to the cute and sexy look, except that it lacks the latter's hints of
Instead, this one drips of Byronic vulnerability:
The features sexy pouty has in common with cute and sexy are:
- The slightly pursed lips
- Eyebrows either up or down, though not as exaggeratedly as in cute and sexy
- An underlook, with chin tucked down and eyes looking up
Some of the differences include:
- No hint of playfulness in lips, and no slight smile
- Eyes sad and unfocused; looking slightly down (as opposed to locked onto one's conversation partner with lively incisiveness, as with the cute and sexy look)
Sexy pouty works well when you're going for "young, lost, and
vulnerable," and makes you especially likely to get approached by women and
opened by them. You appear alluring
and vexingly interesting with this look... and also like you
won't put up a fight (or turn her down) if she walks up to say 'hello'.
#4: “Come On... I Know You Want Me”
This is one of my favorite facial expressions. For me personally, this one even beats Cute and Sexy.
"Come On... I Know You Want Me" is what you give to girls:
- When they resist you
- When they try to act like they're not interested in you
- When they're trying to play coy
- When they're trying to wind down the sexual energy
- When they're trying to friend zone you or throw you in the boyfriend box
It's a great way of telling the girl, "Nice try, but I'm not falling for it. You want me."
Which is good for lightening the mood a bit... while at the same time, kicking the sexual tension up another notch.
It looks like this:
This look is similar to the cute and sexy look in these ways:
- A hint of a smile and playfulness about the lips
- Eyebrows either up or down, though not as exaggeratedly as in cute and sexy
- An underlook, with chin tucked down and eyes looking up
... and different in these:
- Lips are not pursed
- Mouth is drawn slightly down in the corners, even as it overall pulls up in a smile
- Eyes are very frequently squinted in a playfully inquisitive, "Oh
really?" sort of way
Needless to say, you've got to be somewhat cocksure to pull this one off... you've really got to think you're some hot stuff.
However, when you DO think this... and you communicate it with this expression... very often, the women you use it with are inclined to think the same.
Pure flirty expressions out of the way, let's talk about three more "high charm" facial expressions you can put to use to communicate in powerful, socially dominant ways with other people (particularly, attractive women!).
The looks in this section are used more for putting social pressure on people, in order to better facilitate your interactions moving in the direction you want.
Two of them we've covered on this website before; the other one,
this will be our first time talking about.
#5: The Bored Look
I am absolutely certain that at least SOMEtime, at SOME point in your life, a girl has given you this look after you said or did something, and held that look until you cracked:
... and as soon as you cracked, giving into the pressure she was putting on you that implied that whatever you'd just said or done was socially retarded, you then immediately took whatever you'd just said or done back: "I was just kidding," you said, or, "Hey - it was a joke!"
At that moment, a clear power shift happened between you and her - and instantly, the two of you both knew who was in charge here.
And you'd better not forget it.
That look was the bored look, a facial expression we first talked
about here: "The Bored Look: Use It to Get Women Engaged."
The good news is that men can use this look just the same as women can. All you've got to do to pull it off is:
Put a slight smile on your face, pull back one end of that smile dramatically up into your cheek, while turning the smile down at the edges
Raise one of your eyebrows in an inquisitive position
Open up your eyes and stare at her wide-eyed
The overall message is, "Really? You're really going to say that? Really?"
Then, once you've got the face in place... hold it.
Hold it until she cracks.
She will. This expression communicates that whatever the person it's being used on said or did was socially unintelligent.
In other words, that she's just embarrassed herself socially.
It's an aggressive move. It's wielding some heavy social firepower... and as such, you only want to use it when someone steps out of line.
That is to say, she:
- Says something rude or insulting
- Tries to have a laugh at your expense
- Implies that you'd make a great platonic friend
- Does something boneheaded and offensive
Don't do this if a girl says or does something boneheaded that isn't insulting or hurtful or demeaning to your social status, otherwise it feels like you're just criticizing her for not being perfect... and she'll start circling the drain toward auto-rejection if she likes you.
Do do it if a girl says or does something that potentially elevates her position above yours - e.g., implying that you are chasing after her, or that you'd invest heavily in her:
Her: You'd buy me a new phone if you were my boyfriend and I needed one, wouldn't you?
You: [bored look]
Remember, when you do this, do it and hold.
If she doesn't say or do something to alleviate the pressure after 5 or 6 seconds, you can just blink and look slightly away, as if to say, "Well... anyway."
#6: The Skeptical Look
The skeptical look is another one we discussed on here, this one back in 2010's aptly named article "The Skeptical Look."
This look functions as the subtle man's bored look - doing the same thing that look does, but with subtlety.
Think of the bored look as the look you'll use when:
You're not yet that good at making subtle facial expressions, or
You're interacting with a girl who's socially inexperienced and hasn't yet learned to pick up on (and value) subtlety
Generally that means with girls who are in their late teens and the first few years of their twenties, you'll want to stick to the bored look. With women older than 22 or 23, you'll use the skeptical look.
There are exceptions - the 18 year old girl who's mature beyond her years and recognizes and is attracted to subtlety, or the 27 year old who acts like a little party girl and on whom the subtle is lost.
Think of it this way: if she seems poised and socially well-attuned, go subtle. If not, go obvious.
The risk of subtle is if you use it with a girl who doesn't pick up on it, the message isn't conveyed; the risk of obvious is if you use it with a girl who's socially experienced enough to prefer subtlety over obviousness, you look a little goofy and less socially experienced.
Here's our more subtle skeptical look:
You'll notice a few differences between Will Smith's expression on the left and Tom Hiddleston's on the right... namely, that Smith's is a bit more playful and disarming, while Hiddleston's is a bit more "disappointed."
The main features of this look are:
Sharp eye contact
Eyebrow in a slightly (more serious) or very (more playful) raised, inquisitive position
Mouth closed somewhat tightly, showing just the slightest hint of a smirk
The overall message is either, "Are you kidding me?" (playful) or, "Finished?" (disappointed), and the pressure it puts on a girl to knock off whatever rudeness or silliness she's getting up to is quite effective (with any girl socially savvy enough to be able to read its subtlety).
This one's especially useful when a girl is trying to go backwards in a seduction, like moving back from deep conversation to playful banter. Flash her this look and hold it for a few seconds, and she'll recognize that she's being a bit of a goof and get back with the program again.
#7: The Intense Look
When I was a boy, I had an English teacher who told us that there was a rare ability a select few people possessed to look at someone a certain way and just fill that other person with fear by the sheer ferocity of the look. I felt a surge of pride when I heard this, because I knew I had that talent - I'd been told by many people that when I got angry, I looked scary.
But the intense look isn't just for making other people quake in their boots - otherwise, it wouldn't be all that worth putting up here, unless you plan to spend a lot of time in dangerous areas and would like another way to become a walking crime deterrent.
The intense look is used for communicating something else, too: I am a powerful dude.
It looks like this:
The way it does this is by putting on your intense face, and then making and holding eye contact. Usually when people wear a face like this, it's because they're angry or upset... and they divert their eyes away from other people, seeking to avoid confrontation.
By instead maintaining eye contact, your communication is, "I know I look intense, and I know I look threatening. And I'm going to look you dead in the eye, because I want you to see me."
Doing this with men is typically a challenge. But doing it with women... if she knows you're a cool guy, you're socially savvy, and you possess self-control, she knows you're not challenging her. Instead, she just feels a surge of power... your power.
The keys to this look are:
Furrowed brow (eyebrows down), but only somewhat so... not furiously so
Eye contact from the corner of the eyes ("sexy" eye contact)
An underlook, with the chin tucked slightly down
A slight flaring of the nostrils... you should barely be able to feel doing this. If you can easily detect it staring in the mirror, you're overdoing it
Corners of the mouth pulled back just enough that there is some compression in the cheeks, but it isn't clear if the mouth is headed toward a smile or a frown if it continues to grow
One difference you might pick up from the feel of the images above is the difference between Tom Cruise's facial expression (on the bottom right) and the other two expressions. That difference is caused by the shadow covering the right half of Cruise's face and, thus, one of Cruise's eyes; when viewing the picture, you only look into one of his eyes, which makes the image feel more confrontational (next time you talk to someone, try focusing on just one of the person's eyes; it will feel quite aggressive to you and him both - the left eye is particularly confrontational when stared at exclusively, and that's the eye that this photograph of Cruise puts your focus on).
Facial Expressions Bonus: The Head Tilt
Bet you didn't realize it, but in nearly every one of those pictures above (the bored look being the notable exception here), the man in the photograph tilts his head to one side or the other. Sometimes a little; sometimes a lot; but almost invariably, at least some.
Why's he do this? Head tilting makes you stand out. It causes people to pay attention to you.
Normal people tilt their heads when asking a question; it's a sign
of inquisitiveness. Charismatic
people will tend to tilt their heads anytime they're doing something
that demands a little attention. It's a quick and easy way of
saying, "I'm intrigued - I'm trying to figure something out about you."
It makes you feel at once much closer to this charming individual
you're speaking to, as he indicates his interest in you and his desire
to find out more about you.
If you want to add a dash more charm and personality to any of your facial expressions, just tilt your head.
Putting It All to Use
Who should you use these facial expressions with?
Pretty girls only?
All girls you talk to, regardless of your interest levels?
EVERYBODY you talk to, man or woman, young or old?
My personal recommendation is that you use most of them with everyone. "Cute and Sexy' and "Come On... I Know You Want Me" you probably want to reserve solely for women, although I'd suggest you do this with ALL women, and not only the ones you want to go to bed with.
Why this recommendation? Because your facial expressions are habitual. They become your defaults.
Search for photographs for most of the actors in these photographs, and what do you see? Ryan Reynolds with that same expression on his face in every picture. Sean Connery with one of several different expressions... in every picture.
Charming, sexy facial expressions do not come with an on-off switch. If you learn to use them all the time, you will use them all the time, even when you talk to beautiful women. If you don't use them all the time, and then try to use them when you run into the girl of your dreams... well, don't count on doing anything different then. You might get yourself doing them for a few minutes, but as soon as you stop paying attention to what your face is doing, it'll go right back to its normal mode of expressing itself.
If you really want to unlock the power of these for use in your seductions (and anywhere else you might need them), start using them all the time.
Use them with friends.
Use them with colleagues.
Use them with waitresses and clerks you wouldn't otherwise flirt with normally.
Use them anywhere and everywhere, until they become your default faces.
Then, those expressions will be there when you need them. And you won't be acting anymore... it will just be you: a real charmer.
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