7 Approach Invitations You’ll Get from Girls
You stand there, somewhere that you often go, when, out of the corner of your eye, you notice her: a sexy girl in a red, skimpy dress.
Man, I'd love to talk to HER, you think to yourself... but can't think of a way you might go talk to her, or what you might say.
Plus, she's all the way over there, and you're all the way over here; it'd be too obvious if you just walked over there.
You go back to minding your own business.
A few minutes later though, you notice that there she is again - only now, she's hovering about right next
to you, looking vaguely lost and confused.
She's over here now! you think. I can't believe it! Luck is on my side! But what if she doesn't respond when I talk to her? How do I know she wants to talk to me?
So, you hesitate... and a moment later, she drifts away, as if remembering where she needed to go and going there instead. Ah, missed my chance, you think.
But it wasn't luck on your side, nor was it blind chance - that was an approach invitation.
The reason she ended up hovering next to you, seemingly on accident, was because she wanted you to approach - and wanted to do everything in her power to help make it easy for you to do so.
And if you aren't recognizing it when women do this, you are most likely missing out on a lot of pretty women who really want to get to know you.
I talked about having women do the approaching and opening for you back in "Tactics Tuesdays: Get Approached by Women." And the verdict was, while you can pull this off sometimes - looks, fashion, and certain ways of carrying yourself and behaving help - most of the time you've still got to be the one who makes the approach.
You've still got to muster the courage, set aside any approach anxiety you've got going on, and go say "Hi."
An approach invitation is a woman's way of helping your out and making your job easier - instead of you having to put yourself out there as much, she's making it as effortless as possible for you to approach her.
She's allowing you to open her in a Law of Least Effort-friendly way that preserves your value (instead of you having to walk across the room to go meet her) and minimizes the risk you face.
Thoughtful of her.
But if she's going to go that far, why not simply open you herself?
She Can't Get Rejected
Last week I posted the article "Granting Social Status; and, Not Getting Thrown Under the Bus." A large part of that article was about how key social status is to women.
Status is so important to women that even the kindest, most golden-hearted woman will quite often throw you under the bus socially at a moment's notice if you are not already her partner and you are doing or saying something that risks causing her to lose face socially.
The drive to preserve her reputation often turns even a sweet girl into a ruthless status mercenary when this is called for and unavoidable, even with a guy she likes.
I share this again to emphasize how important it is to women that they protect their social status from suffering any damage to it... status is women's social power and currency, and without it, they risk being ostracized from the group, strong-armed by other girls in it, and seeing the caliber of their mating options decline.
It's important to men, but it's far more important - and binding - to women.
And when it comes to taking status hits, little does as much damage as approach a man and being rejected. Women learn early on in life that no matter how confident they are, it's usually best NOT to be the ones doing the approaching.
I can tell you; I rejected plenty of pretty girls while young, sometimes in very rude / hurtful ways (not on purpose; and I still regret how I rejected some of these girls, who were really quite nice and pretty). A rejection holds a lot more social consequence for a woman than it does for a man.
After all, women are the choosers. Men are the ones who get chosen.
Another way of looking at it: women are the valued resource, men are the creatures competing for that resource. Because men have the capacity to date multiple women, and can choose to invest only a portion of their time in a woman and still enjoy the full rewards of that woman, a man rejecting a woman isn't just saying, "I want another resource"; he's saying, "You are valueless as a resource to me."
Her status and ego take a BIG hit with every rejection... much more so than a man's.
She can't get rejected if she doesn't want to lose face.
Most women won't open and engage you themselves, because the social risk to them is too great.
So what do they do instead?
They string up some bait and go fishin'.
And in this case, they're the bait - and you're the fish.
Enter the Approach Invitation
Every good angler knows that the closer he gets his bait to the fish, the more likely he is to get a bite.
Just as women learn early on in life that doing the approaching and opening themselves is - most of the time - ill-advised, they also learn that - by going and hovering near the man they find intriguing, or by finding ways to smoothly and naturally plant themselves near him - men quite often will do the opening for them.
What's a girl thinking when she does this?
Well, it certainly isn't, "He's nervous, so I'll help him out!" At least not usually, and not past junior high or so.
Rather, what she's thinking is, "He's cute; let me help him notice me," (much of the time) or "He's a sly devil... let me go over near where he is and let's see what he does" (when you're good and smooth with women).
You will get approach invitations from women when it seems to those women you:
Haven't noticed them at all
Have noticed them and flirted with eye contact a little bit, but are too relaxed where you are now to go do anything unless they come to you
Might have seen them or even made eye contact but haven't yet really noticed them (i.e., realized how remarkably attractive they are to you)
Recognize too that most of the time she isn't sold on you yet... she just knows she likes the looks of you, and she wants to come over and see how well the two of you click.
Because of this buildup and uncertainty, though - she's coming all the way over to where you are, and still entertaining some social risk - you or someone else could always call her out on hovering near the guy she's got her eye on and make her feel ridiculous - there's a great deal of anticipation, and a lot of potential for auto-rejection, too.
The Risks and Rewards of Approach Invitations
Because there's a lot that feels like it's riding on her during the approach invitation, it helps to think of an A.I. (approach invitation) as just another escalation window.
Hit the window and pull it off well, and you're flying - she's pleased with you, you're pleased with her, the both of you are pleased together.
Miss the window though, and you've got a mess on your hands if you ever approach - she feels slighted by you, and now hates your guts.
She'll be cold to you.
She put herself out there... and you just ignored her.
Remember, she's often going to be a bit nervous or anxious or excited about giving you an approach invitation. It doesn't enter her mind for one moment that you don't notice her, unless you're so pointed in the other direction that you legitimately don't notice her.
Women are masters of noticing when you notice them. If you notice at all that she's happened to have appeared near where you are, she knows you noticed.
And if you don't open... if you don't engage her, after she went out on a limb to walk over to where you are and position herself near her...
... to her, that's a loud and clear signal that you aren't interested.
In fact, for all intents and purposes, you have just rejected her.
And she won't want to talk to you again.
Obviously then, it's pretty important that you jump all over the
chance to talk to her as soon as you realize she's come over to hover
near you for you to meet her.
You won't be all that good at capitalizing on approach invitations when you don't realize you're experiencing an approach invitation, though.
You've got to know what to look for.
The 7 Kinds of Approach Invitation
To help you avoid ever missing out on a cute girl who likes you and
is taking a risk to help you meet her, here are the different approach
invitations you'll encounter with women.
Keep your eyes peeled for these when you're out - you'll typically only have a one to three seconds to respond before a girl assumes you won't do anything / aren't interested / are rejecting her A.I. before she gives up and moves on... women won't usually hover near you for long.
The Plant. Perhaps the most obvious approach invitation, although not without its own challenges. A girl goes to where you are - seated at the bar, leaning against a wall, in a specific aisle in the bookstore or clothing store, waiting for the bus - and plants herself right nearby you, always within peripheral vision eyeshot. Sounds great, right? Well, there are a couple of downsides:
Sometimes a girl will plant herself a little too far away, meaning you need to move to talk to her. That's okay if it's easy enough to slide a few feet next to her, but if it's an obvious plant but she's farther than a few feet, you're still going to have to close a distance to open
If you fail to strike up a conversation with her within the first minute or two, she'll often still be there for a while (after all, she's planted herself there), but it can get awkward - you know why she's there, and she knows you know why she's there, but neither of you say anything... this is embarrassing to her; it's like being rejected, then awkwardly hanging around the person who rejected you
For those reasons, if you like a girl, and she plants herself near
you, make sure you open her within
120 seconds of her doing so (faster or slower depending on the
girl and the situation). You can sometimes wait and open girls 20 or 30
minutes later if you weren't feeling very social, but you're gambling
they'll still be around, no one else will have moved in to meet them
(if you're at a party or bar), and they won't have completely
auto-rejected. Best to just do it soon.
The Hover. You'll see this one most often with inexperienced girls, who are used to inexperienced men, who tend to be pretty oblivious to women's signals and need those women to be as LOUD with their signaling as humanly possible, though you'll also sometimes see it with highly sexual woman who simply don't want to waste time with playing coy. The Hover is when a woman walks over to where you are... then just hovers there, staring in your direction. Girls who do this are making it obvious for you; all you've got to do is turn their direction, smile warmly, and say, "Hello."
The Linger. Quick - think fast! The Linger is the briefest of approach invitations - and also the hardest to capitalize on. Girls using lingering as an A.I. often give you too little time to react, unless you're good. These tend to be moderately experienced women, who feel too obvious doing the Hover, so instead try to rush through their approach invitations as quickly as possible - usually, too quickly. A girl will walk over to where you are... pause, for anywhere from half a second to three seconds... and then continue walking on, as if nothing had happened.
Because she's in a, "Okay, let's do this and then get out of there if he doesn't do anything," mindset, if your opener is anything other than smooth, she'll play dumb and keep going, too. This one's often hard to differentiate between a girl who legitimately did just happen to pause as she was walking past you - use context to figure it out, or just open every girl who does this if you want to err on the side of false positives instead of false negatives.
The Look About. Similar to a Linger, but with a duration more akin to a Hover, the Look About is when a girl walks over to right near where you are, then... glances about, confusedly, as if wondering where that thing she was looking for could possibly have gone. You will see this one most often in day game, and when meeting women in shops and stores. A girl will invariably react "pleasantly surprised" on your approach, and if she's interested, will show that interest right away. If your approach rubbed her the wrong way / she realizes you're not as cute as she thought from a distance (or, if she genuinely WAS just there by chance and happened to be confused), she'll be nice / polite, and get back to looking for whatever she was supposedly looking for.
Mutters and Sighs. Ever have a girl walk up next to you and mutter to herself, "God, this train is taking forever!" or, "Oh my God... what a day!" Or maybe she just sighs - hufffff. Usually feel like you're supposed to say something here, right? That's for good reason - people usually only do this when they want someone to engage them in conversation. So - engage!
Requests for Help. Girls who want to talk to you will often ask for help:
- "Can you take our picture?"
- "Do you know what time it is?"
- "Do you know where a good bar is around here?"
- "Can I have a light?"
How do you know if it's a genuine request (i.e., she's really just
looking for information) or it's just an excuse to get you to talk to
her? There're no hard and fast rules, unfortunately, but some rough
guidelines include if she's giving you signals of interest (her voice
is softer / less matter-of-fact; she's smiling an interested-in-you
type of smile) and the request is non-specific (i.e., not something
like, "Do you know where the 24 Hour Fitness is around here?"), there's
a better chance she wants to meet you. If you're not sure, just ask her
something else - and see if she's happy to chat (it's an approach
invitation), or acts like it's funny you want to talk to her when all
she wanted was information (it wasn't an approach invitation).
The Glance. Any of the above, followed by a glance at you, then looking away and smiling to herself, is a blaringly loud approach invitation. About as loud as it gets. Approach immediately... don't even bother trying to look smooth; it's not necessary. She didn't bother either.
Is It Really an Invitation?
The toughest part about approach invitations is figuring out if they really are approach invitations (or not).
I mean, women DO happen to just pause around you while looking for things, or end up next to you by pure chance. These things occur.
In my experience though, when you're well-dressed and look sexual, these are nearly always invitations to approach.
Women who don't want to be approached will steer clear of you because they know you're the kind of arrogant bad boy who's going to assume they're into him and go approach them.
Women who do want to be approached will target you for an A.I. because they know you're the kind of confident sexy man who's going to recognize their invitation for what it is and approach.
Generally, if it feels like a girl is hovering / lingering / otherwise positioning herself nearby to you because she wants you to talk to her, that's what it is, even if she acts like it isn't when you approach. If you get the, "Huh? Oh, you're talking to me? Why?" response often when you approach girls giving you approach invitations, it probably means you're either taking too long to approach, or there's something else wrong with how you're opening and engaging (e.g., you're not coming in naturally enough, or you're coming in in a way that's socially risky for her and makes her have to throw you under the bus - "I noticed you positioned yourself near me! I'm Clive").
If it looks like an approach invitation, and it feels like an approach invitation... usually, that means it's an approach invitation.
So what do you do when you get an A.I.?
Simple enough... you turn to the girl and open her as smoothly and naturally as possible.
Usually you want an opener that assumes a level of comfortable rapport already, as if instead of merely positioning herself near to you, she'd actually started talking to you. This includes openers like:
- "How's your night going?" [nighttime venue]
- "How's that coffee?" [coffee shop]
- "You must be looking for 50 Shades of Grey." [bookstore, she looks confused]
- "That bad, huh?" [she sighs dramatically]
You can also open with offers - this is an especially nice way of assuming a high degree of familiarity right away, in the right circumstances:
- "Here, take a napkin." [after she's just spilled something or made a mess]
- "Stick of gum?" [after she's just sighed or muttered]
- "Have a seat, it's more comfortable than standing." [she's hovering nearby]
- "No need to keep looking, I've been here the whole time." [she's looking around]
Additionally, you can also use direct openers here - I've had some very good success using direct on girls giving me approach invitations. It's a nice way of rewarding a girl for going out on a limb to come meet you - she takes a risk to come hint that she likes you, and you give her a compliment from the heart that she eats up. Following up an approach invitation with a direct opener is one of the better ways to get into an interaction that moves very quickly from first meet to between the sheets, because both of you know you each like each other a lot right from the outset, and neither of you is playing games or trying to hide it.
Jump on Those Invitations
I'll leave you with a parting thought on this one: a girl's really doing you a favor and going out of her way a bit - and even taking on some slight social risk - when she gives you an approach invitation, even if it's one of those "too ridiculously quick" approach invitations where she was too nervous or self-conscious to hang around more than a split-second.
Do her a favor when she does this with you: say "hi" and make her feel good.
She's telling you she's intrigued by you and would like you to say something and perhaps the two of you will have some chemistry. That's an awful nice thing she's doing.
If you like the looks of her, do something nice for her too, and make her feel rewarded for having put a little faith in you.
Get Your FREE eBook on Texting Girls
Sign up for our email insights series and get a copy of our popular ebook “How to Text Girls” FREE. Learn more ...
Trying to piece together a seduction strategy bit-by-bit, article-by-article, question-by-question? Stop killing yourself doing it the slow and difficult way - and get it all spelled out for you instead, in detail, in exactly the order you need to learn it... with homework, too.
With our complete mastery pick up package, you'll get our 406-page how-to eBook How to Make Girls Chase, our 63-minute long video Spellbinding: Get Her Talking, and 3 hours of audio training - all for less than the price of the book and video alone.
Quit banging your head against the wall - get it now, to speed your learning curve up dramatically... and start really getting the women you want to want you too. You can go right here to get started and be downloading your programs in minutes: How to Be a Pick Up Artist.