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What is true
love?
That question that has been on the minds of men and women since the dawn of humanity. Ever since men could create, we have been fashioning stories and artistic pieces as homages to love.
Ever since a young age, we have been brought up to have a very specific conception of love – especially in the West. We conceive of true love as this great sweeping feeling that overtakes us – and, if it is true love, it lasts until you take your final breath. And people spend whole lifetimes trying to capture this feeling. They even marry the wrong person after having convinced themselves – and others – that they have found it. The feeling of love is… indescribable. It consumes you. Sometimes, it even fundamentally changes you as a person.
And yet, in our everyday experience and through reading the stories of days long since passed, we can see that perhaps true love is not what we think it is. Even those romantic pairings who seem most in love are marred by strife, betrayal, and dissatisfaction. If the greatest of love is supposedly eternal, then how could people possibly fall out of it? How could the divorce rate in our country be so astronomically high? How could women who claim that they are truly in love so easily bounce from guy to guy once things are over?
We have a very great and idyllic view of love. And yet, the reality seems to contradict our conceptions.
So the question is: what is true love?
Comments
wow...
That was so profound,powerful and thought provoking...You really put things in perspective. I'm only 22 but I can see that the powerful love you talk about is on the decline for my generation and it really does strike a chord in my soul. I actually am so moved after reading this I cannot help but wipe away some tears. Thank you so much for writing such an amazing article and I can honestly say i've actually felt this once with the first girl who I fell in love with and she felt it with me. Unfortunately things ended tragically for us both but I guess that's why the pain is so fresh and we can't really be around each other for too long even 5 years later.
Current Generation
Hey Darkwing,
I've been interested and examining the tread of the decline in relationships in this current generation for some time. Without pointing the finger as one of the genders, it downs to seeing value in someone else. What I mean here is that a lot of people see each other as disposable. This can making building lasting relationships difficult, but not impossible. When you can leave an impression on someone that you truly care about them, they value you. I'm not saying spend money on them or suck up to them. I mean have a conversation and connect with someone. Examine their mind and connect to their heart. Ask them questions about their life and listen to their story.
It's amazing how much people will and actually want people to listen to them. This what makes being a conversationalist so valuable. Because they can connect with people and lead conversations. They can lead conversations that bring value and show interest in people. These are just some of my thoughts and great comment you put here.
Take care,
Just Dave
Yeah and I guess when I was
Yeah and I guess when I was as inexperienced and ignorant as I was 4 years ago it this type of love was a high risk/high reward depending on how I handled the situation. Back then it was a high risk and very bad since we were virgins and rejected her offer to be her first sexual experience due to my fears of sex. I envoked such strong feelings in her and I let her down so that's what stuck even years later. But now i'm with a virgin again and in only 4 meet ups i've introduced her to anal sex,been given oral sex and role playing too. It's quite amazing looking back and seeing what I was and how far i've come.
Reading this article struck
Reading this article struck some chords with me! It made me realize that we can be 37 (my age) and still never have felt what true love really feels like.
It took me until the ripe old age of 34 to discover self-love, to accept myself the way I am. A lot of these issues had to do with watching the BS and stereotypes about Asian men that the media constantly perpetuates when I was growing up here in America. I did not even realize I was a self-hating Asian until I accidentally bumped into a web site entitled Asian Male Revolutions.
When your inner dialogue is able to overcome the ones coming from the outside world filled with fear, and hate and when you are able to start listening to your inner voice, you know that you are living in true harmony as the inner song you create starts manifesting itself in the outer world.
Acceptance
Hey Anon,
Growing up it took me quite some time to see the value in loving myself for who I was. I was trying to be something I wasn't. At times I would listen to media or society and forget who I was. It made me feel very unhappy. True contentment came when I finally started living for myself. I no longer felt ashamed of who I was. My confidence and self worth went way up. I was able to connect with people more and build meaningful relationships.
Here are some other notes I have on the topic of self love as well.
Loving Yourself
Anyway good input and take care,
Just Dave
Just Amazing
Seriously Colt... that was more than awesome....
I'm really glad that Chase passed the torch to guys who know their stuff...
Inspiring Read
This read hits the marks Colt! Very good read.
awesome
Colt you are excellent, one of my favorite writers. Thank you for this.
Well put
"You need to be attracted to a girl – fully, not just somewhat – before you can love her." That's the truth. Red flags are red flags...don't ignore em! Good article...I'm sure approaching with this mindset would result in success.
Thanks for this. Been a
Thanks for this. Been a little disillusioned lately, wondering if the general way of approaching relationships taught by this site is the right way to go about it, cos a lot of it seems based around maintaining a power balance in your relationships, which in my experience and in my knowledge of psychology often based on deep insecurity.
I guess you're right in that if you want to approach relationships in the healthiest way you first have to have security in yourself, though I'm still not sure how far I should go in changing my self and my persona (as taught by this site) to reach that goal. In a brief sexual relationship I had a few months ago, I could tell she was projecting her own fantasies of what a relationship should be like onto me (due to her insecurities) and I wasn't sure how to approach opening up myself to her. In the end the relationship failed due to a mixture of these factors, but with the foundation the relationship had I'm not sure what else I could've done. It almost seemed doomed from the start. I feel like a lot of the material I've learnt from this site isn't really appropriate if this is the sort of relationship you're looking for, since it plays into these sorts of insecurities, and it takes something deeper if you truly want something serious.
Either way, the material taught here is miles better than all the other PUA stuff around the net. The mindsets behind much of it is horrid.
amazing
I read through this whole thing having so many eureka moments. This gave me a totally new way of thinking.
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