Emotions

I’ve been seeing more of the writers and senior members on the discussion boards reminding guys that you must assume attraction recently. This is one of those things that comes second nature when you’re farther along the path of doing great with girls, but can be an odd piece of advice to encounter when you’re new.

“Assume attraction” is a necessary ingredient in your seductions if you want those seductions to get anywhere. It’s what stops you from spending endless time deliberating about whether a girl is interested or not, whether she likes you, and whether you ought to advance things with her... or not.

What happens is that most newer guys do not assume attraction, and instead spend their time looking for signs of attraction instead (without being all that adept at reading these signs).

They are waiting for women to signal to them that they should move forward with their seductions.

Yet, for similar reasons to what we covered in “The Paradox of the Flirty Girl” for why you shouldn’t put too much stock in flirtation, if you’re sitting there trying to figure out if she likes you before you do anything, you’re going to fall flat.

You’re going to miss out on 95% of the women who really do like you.

Because most of the time, they’re going to be too busy being attracted to you to worry about signaling to you that they are.

First, I would like to apologize for being inactive and not being able to answer the questions in the comment sections of my posts. I have been very busy lately. But keep in mind that I am reading your comments; they help me get inspired for future posts. This post for instance has been inspired by comments from posters. I would like to make posts based on the comments I get, so that I can give you even better reading material. Hope you enjoy this one.

I wrote an article recently about having fast sex where I mentioned that going for fast sex is beneficial because it communicates that you are a lover, and that being a lover is a good thing when it comes to seduction, as it makes laying beautiful women easier.

In the comment section, however, some men mentioned that, according to their experience, beautiful women they meet tend to display a desire for providers more than a desire for lovers, and that they are not willing to have sex fast.

Here are the comments:

“Alek,

I am at the point where I am trying to go for really pretty women. However, I am running into some difficulty. My issue is that I am meeting women of quality who don't want first meeting sex. I am getting a feeling that quality women (the real pretty ones) can have sex whenever and with whomever they want at any given time. So a lover who just provides them with sex is really nothing to them since they can get sex from anyone. So, what I am saying is since quality women have a lot of options to choose from they are more prone to being "gamed" (meaning taking them out on dates and playing the game). In your experience do you think this is true? Do you think quality women need to be "gamed"? Or is my entire thinking flawed, do I need rewiring?

Thanks!”

And another one:

“I also tend to find out that Women of Quality (not your average cute college girl or a drunk club girl) simply will NOT sleep with you until dates 3-5, no matter what you do. I am fairly successful with women and have no problem seducing them on the first date, if we are both on the same wavelengths. Some of the Women of Quality (especially late 20s-early 30s, as opposed to early 20s) just don't have sex early on and they would cut down any and all attempts to do so.”

These are very interesting points. Let me now give my answers. In this post I will cover my opinion on the issue. I believe these topics needs clarification and I hope this will clarify a few things for many of you.

Is it that girls are illogical, or is it that by worrying if a girl will follow our logic we forget to inspire them instead?

When it comes to girls, an experienced man knows that thinking outside the box is key to understanding the choices women make, and he embraces this fact because it not only affords her freedoms, but it affords him some too. Great relationships are built upon an understanding of why women need to be inspired daily rather than won over once and expected to then do as you do. Learn to inspire them and get rid of that confusion today.

If you are like most men, you have probably found yourself in this scenario: a girl has shown interest in you, and has indicated she will go out with you, etc., but then when it comes time she is nowhere to be seen or heard from. You call her later: “Where were you?” and she replies with something that makes no sense too you, given your prior arrangement: “Oh, you didn’t call so I assumed it was off.”

What?

To better understand why women do these kinds of things, you have to take on the attitude that accepts the behavior before passing judgement on it. Girls do things like this because, like you, they fear all kinds of rejection and making mistakes, but unlike you, they must consider the social consequences of how each situation “felt” and how it will reflect on them if they act on it. Girls do not reciprocate feelings and actions based on logic because the feeling of each action must be judged independently according to its context at that moment in time.

A lot of guys want to be the cool, suave guy. They want to be the stoic James Bond type who smoothly and aloofly maneuvers his way through an interaction and ends up with a girl in his bed.

But a lot of guys neglect the fact that even Bond had to go through a whole lot of BS to get to that point. And even though he’s suave, Bond is always having a great time when he’s seducing a woman.

The fact is: seduction should be fun. And the fact is: most people won’t be like James Bond. You have to have a very particular kind of personality to be that way. However, a lot of guys can learn how to have fun and greatly boost their results with women.

So let’s look at the importance of having fun in your interactions, and how it affects your success and satisfaction.

If you are like most guys you probably have thought at one point or another that attraction is like a switch, and once it switches on it is on forever. But what might surprise you is that the reality is totally counter to your expectations.

The startling truth is that a woman’s need for you to keep her attracted is actually very similar to a thirst, and she needs it refilled every time you interact with her (not just once). If you are clever you will realise that the best long term plan – just like a thirst – will require a well to be dug and water to be pumped and delivered on a consistent basis.

Don’t let this image scare you however, I just mean to imply that attraction has to become a consistent thing that you uphold with actions every day rather than an objective you meet once and are done with.

Conventional wisdom states that once you “ask her out”, “marry her”, or get an “in for sex” that it is game set and match, but this is just simply false, and girls will ALWAYS change their minds unless you are consistently attractive. If you have a mindset that runs off the belief that you only need her approval ONCE, throw it out the window and change your view immediately.

In essence, women are much like any other thing worth getting right in life, they take passion and a great work ethic to do right, and once you adopt that “work ethic” you can consistently rebuild and maintain attraction all day long. So if you want to never have to guess again at IF she likes you, you have to set your mind to changing your expectations and go from a “set and forget” guy, to a guy that applies himself consistently.

I’m going to wade back into theory on this one, a la “Picking Up Girls and the Game of Asymmetric Returns.” Only this time, we’ll be looking at the end game of picking up, instead of the middle game. Worth noting that some of the examples in this article are as well inspired by Nassim Taleb’s Fooled by Randomness – very good book.

Riz asks a few questions in the article on office politics about “settling down”:

“This leads me to my question(s)

1) Do successful seducers who see beyond classic dating ‘settle down’ ? – Thinking about it, why would they – They know that whichever girl they are with right now, there is probably out there somewhere, a girl who is even sexier, more intelligent, more fun, successful etc etc – They know they will never find Ms.Perfect – So why ‘settle’ – Whats the point?

Surely on of the big reasons most guys settle is because they fall in love with a girl and can’t help but cling onto her in false belief that they will never find another girl like her, they have to marry her now to solidify heir destined relationship and if things ever go wrong and they divorce then that’s it, life over.

2) What are your thoughts specifically on ‘settling down’ – I don’t know why exactly but even uttering those words ‘settle down’ sounds to me like giving up almost. To me it just sounds so defeatist. Why would anybody want to settle down lol, its crazy.

And I am not a young man either, I have though this for quite a while. Seems hardly anybody else really relates though.

It’s like for most, settling down is the ultimate goal to achieve in life. Everyone always talks about it in group ‘ah so are you settled yet?’ – And i’m like ‘uhh no...., should I?’”

These are good questions, yeah. Personally, I’ve never had a problem with the idea of long-term relationships and children, but the concept of “settling down” has always bugged me to high heaven... since I was a small boy, in fact.

There’s just something about how most “ordinary” folks define “settling down” as something that sounds, to someone like me, and Riz too by the sound of it, like “giving up on your dreams.”

It’s like saying “I’ve done all that I’m going to do; now it’s time to ‘get serious’ and go get a wife and a house with a white picket fence and go be a wage slave for the next 30 or 40 years so I can afford to pay off the mortgage on my McMansion and fleet of minivans, then die.”

When you’re someone who wants to do more with his life than the ordinary, you’ll tend to be quite allergic to the idea of settling down.

Yet, as alluring as the idea of bouncing around from one woman to the next until the end of time can seem, almost nobody does it... including all the men who assure you in their teens, twenties, and early thirties that they, definitely will stay single forever.

Why is that – why does almost everybody (including the folks who claim not to want to) eventually end up “settling down”?

Well, it’s all down to a little term called “satisficing.”

Every time you see her, she twirls her hair, smiles at you, and asks you how your day is going. She’s just an absolutely delightful girl, and you know she likes you. You’ve just got to wait for the right moment to make your move.

You’ve known her for ages, and it always feels like you’re building more and more steadily towards something happening. The connection between the two of you is undeniable; you can feel it. It’s visceral and real.

What I’ve noticed more and more as I’ve coached men on dating is that so many of the women that men get caught up on and start chasing after are, in fact, not actually women they really do have some special connection with... but rather, in fact, are simply flirty girls.

They’re women who enjoy flirting with men, teasing men, leading men on, and all because it makes them feel good.

No man will ever admit he’s in love with a flirty girl. His ego always gets in the way; of course a woman isn’t just flirting with me; maybe with some other guy, he thinks, but me? She means it with me.

But the flirty girl is not hard to figure out, nor is she difficult to call on her game-playing. It does, however, take an honest view of the “connection” you have with her... and the stones to tell her to put up or shut up.