Emotions

The effects emotions have on men and women, and how they can be a powerful tool in attraction and relationship building.

When Should You Start? Right NOW


A reader writes in:

Hey Girls Chase, I'm finding these articles to be quite eye opening. You guys seem to really get what's happening as opposed to other people out there who try to help guys with this stuff.

I think I'll finally be able to put myself together for a social life with your guidance.

I have a question. I haven't left my family's house, and I'm 27 years old. I have spent a long time in my life struggling with my own self-image and trying to figure out what it takes to have a life where I'm respecting myself. I said I'd be brief. So I'll just get right to it.

Is it possible for me to be attractive to women and get a social life? I'm not looking for sympathy. I just want to know how I should feel about my circumstances. I've always been shunned in school growing up and don't really have a deep positive impression of human beings. I've only ever had one girlfriend and long story short she was ugly and entitled. I know how to be civil and polite. I know how to feel happy, I can empathize with other people, but I don't know how to make people want to be a part of my life. Thankfully, there's more to me than this sob story.

I've been working out and reading a lot of this type of stuff and it's been helping me to be better noticed and better treated by members of the opposite sex. I'm determined to change my life but the girls are looking at me NOW. I'm about more than just “nothing”. Isn't there a way I can dive into sex and relationships?

Does me currently living with my mother and father automatically disqualify me from using the stuff I learn on your website on women and possibly experience the benefits? I've seen some SEXY women eyeing me and drawing close and the battle in my head is always the same. “You don't know what to tell her.” So I say to myself, “I'll learn” but then my head pull out the ol' “mama's boy still lives with his mama and daddy”.

Does it matter? If it does, how much does it matter? I have a feeling I'll find the answer to that soon enough as I read. I tried looking on your site for an article about this and the search turned up empty. So why not tell me what you think? If I still live with my parents will it get in the way of hooking up with or starting something regular with a girl I'd really like?

Thanks for your help

Jonathan

when should you start

Sounds very familiar.

This is something that I ran into quite often in the past. I thought it’d always be a good idea to put off doing things until later. I’d learn how to get better with women later on. I’d wait until I finally got to the point where I felt “sexy” enough to start approaching women. I’d put off improving my fundamentals so that I could fix something else in my life.

Eventually, I ended up becoming a huge procrastinator, and only ended up working on those things when I finally got so fed up with myself that I had to do something to dull the pain of failure.

It all started with excuses popping into my head, saying that I’d be better off doing things later. But, like most things that I put off until later, they just never got done. I never became better at seduction simply by thinking to myself, “I’ll do it later”. I only got better when I took action.

Dale Carnegie's Most Life-Changing Piece of Advice


A little while back, when I was in my early 20s, I first read Dale Carnegie’s perennial bestseller How to Win Friends and Influence People. Many of the approaches described within it were things I knew, or affirmed what I felt, but sometimes the best kind of advice is this way; you think you’re doing things right, and then someone far more experienced than you comes along and says, “Yep, you’ve got it. In fact, take what you’re doing now and do it more.”

dale carnegie

Because it’s been nearly a decade since I’ve read it, most of its lessons have faded from my mind, and all I remember about it was one key lesson from it. However, that lesson has influenced how I’ve dealt with people in such a profound way that I don’t think I’ll ever forget it no matter how much time passes.

[edit: was rolling Napoleon Hill’s Laws of Success up as one of Carnegie’s works... forgive the brain fart]

Yet, pound-for-pound, the key takeaway from Win Friends and Influence People for me has been one of the best takeaways from any book I’ve yet read period.

Before I tell you what that is, let me tell you what I’ve noticed about how most people communicate with one another.

What to Do When a Girl Won't Go Home with You


girl won't come homeA reader named Konstantin writes in:

Hi Chase and the team!

I have read most of your articles, and especially those on moving fast and inviting her home. I have a question: it happened to me quite a few times now that I invite a girl home with me, and she gets ever so close to coming, but changes her mind at the last moment, and there's nothing I can do to change her mind back. Just tonight, actually, she was giving me some resistance, but got off the subway at the stop next to mine. But when "our" train was arriving, she suddenly said, once again, that she should go home, and after three "no"s I let her go. I knew for a fact that she liked me, but what did I do wrong that prevented that last push from happening? If you can answer that in a post or an email, that would be very much appreciated.

Few things in seduction are quite as irritating as having a girl you’ve spent an hour or two or more talking to and working with and navigating around countless social obstacles bail on you 2 yards from the goal line.

It feels like you’ve been suckered... that whole night, which you had already checked off as “in the bag”, in an instant goes 180 degrees and becomes a fruitless night.

Most of the time, when you have a girl bail on you like this, you will never, ever hear from her again, either. You switch from being about to become lovers, and possibly entering into each other’s lives for a long time hereafter if you both really get along pretty well and want to keep seeing one another, to being a couple of strangers it didn’t work out with (and you’re some guy she “almost made a big mistake” with).

So what do you do when a girl won’t go home with you?

How to Dispel Lingering Bitterness from an Old Relationship


Ending a relationship with a loved one is a difficult task for any man to endure. You know you’re supposed to replace them, not chase them. You know that going out and having fun is the better alternative to rumination. But even after learning these things, you may not be able to recreate those feelings you felt in that relationship you look back on with rose-colored glasses.

I know the exact same feeling. In my early days of finding this website, while I was still dealing with approach anxiety and the inability to pull the trigger, I found a girl who ended up taking charge and pulling the trigger herself. Unfortunately for me, when she did this, she was clearly the one in power.

dispel bitterness

Fast-forward a couple of weeks later, and my lack of experience made the relationship go sour. Logically, I was completely fine with the relationship ending, as I knew it would only be a negative influence on my life to attempt to string her along, as I would be in the position of chasing her... but emotionally, things were very different.

The Awesome Power of Tension


We’ve talked about building and using tension in several articles on here before:

build tension

... and we’ve also talked about defusing tension, often with humor, as well as why it’s good to not be TOO focused on making girls laugh (and defusing all the tension).

But I want to zero in on the topic of tension specifically, because I see a lot of people still not using it right, or nervously defusing it.

The fact is, tension lies at the foundation of power, and when you wield it correctly, you enable yourself to do all kinds of things socially, sexually, and romantically.

8 Useful Mindsets for Meeting Women in Nightclubs


In this post I will share my thoughts on meeting women in nightclubs. Nightclubs have often been the spot many would at first consider natural to meeting women, especially those who are students of the art of seduction.

Yet many new players tend to avoid going to clubs to meet women because of the fact that there are other possible options that seems easier and more efficient than picking up girls in bars and clubs.

I agree with those saying that nightclubs are too messy and chaotic, because often they are, yet there are other positive aspects to meeting women in nightclubs. Some of the positive sides are, for example, that you can meet a huge spectrum of different women in a short amount of time. Also, meeting women in clubs allows you to easily have sex with them on the initial meeting – in fact, you can end up having really exciting and crazy nights.

meeting women in nightclubs

However, meeting women in nightclubs is hard, but with the right mindsets it all becomes somewhat easier. Yes, of course it requires lots of practice to become good at meeting women in clubs, but usually the biggest cause of failures is not lack of skill, but the wrong mindsets.

In this post I will cover some mindsets that I still use and that have helped my friends and me a lot. So I hope you enjoy this post.

How to Avoid Making the Same Mistake Twice


If you’ve spent any amount of time learning pickup, then you know that you’re bound to make countless mistakes. We’ve all been through the same exact process, as you need to make mistakes in order to make progress.

Progression is necessary to finally get the results that you want. Progression, however, comes at a different pace for different people.

Some men progress through this material at a lightning fast pace, going from zero to hero within mere months.

... meanwhile, others, while exerting similar or even greater effort towards becoming attractive men who are irresistible to women, are just not getting the results they desire.

same mistake twice

What is the primary difference between these men? The man who progresses quickly doesn’t make the same mistake twice, while the man who is stuck continues to make the same exact mistakes over and over again. As a result, he feels marooned on an ideological island with no escape.

How do you become the man that doesn’t make the same mistake twice? How do you bolt through this material and rack up lay after lay, shocking even your closest friends with the rapid progression you’ve made? I could just tell you to not make the same mistakes twice. But I know that there is more to the puzzle, as most guys are boggled when it comes to avoiding making these mistakes over and over again.

You see, most guys just don’t know when or how they’ve made a mistake. They can feel that something is wrong, but it’s very difficult to pinpoint the exact cause of the mistake. Without knowledge of how the mistake came about, you’re just throwing darts in the dark, trying to yank some progress kicking and screaming out of your unknown mistakes.

It’s time to turn on the lights so that you can finally get the results that you've been dreaming of.

Why You Absolutely Need to Assume Attraction with Women


I’ve been seeing more of the writers and senior members on the discussion boards reminding guys that you must assume attraction recently. This is one of those things that comes second nature when you’re farther along the path of doing great with girls, but can be an odd piece of advice to encounter when you’re new.

“Assume attraction” is a necessary ingredient in your seductions if you want those seductions to get anywhere. It’s what stops you from spending endless time deliberating about whether a girl is interested or not, whether she likes you, and whether you ought to advance things with her... or not.

assume attraction

What happens is that most newer guys do not assume attraction, and instead spend their time looking for signs of attraction instead (without being all that adept at reading these signs).

They are waiting for women to signal to them that they should move forward with their seductions.

Yet, for similar reasons to what we covered in “The Paradox of the Flirty Girl” for why you shouldn’t put too much stock in flirtation, if you’re sitting there trying to figure out if she likes you before you do anything, you’re going to fall flat.

You’re going to miss out on 95% of the women who really do like you.

Because most of the time, they’re going to be too busy being attracted to you to worry about signaling to you that they are.

What are Beautiful Women's Expectations in Dating?


First, I would like to apologize for being inactive and not being able to answer the questions in the comment sections of my posts. I have been very busy lately. But keep in mind that I am reading your comments; they help me get inspired for future posts. This post for instance has been inspired by comments from posters. I would like to make posts based on the comments I get, so that I can give you even better reading material. Hope you enjoy this one.

I wrote an article recently about having fast sex where I mentioned that going for fast sex is beneficial because it communicates that you are a lover, and that being a lover is a good thing when it comes to seduction, as it makes laying beautiful women easier.

In the comment section, however, some men mentioned that, according to their experience, beautiful women they meet tend to display a desire for providers more than a desire for lovers, and that they are not willing to have sex fast.

beautiful women's expectations

Here are the comments:

Alek,

I am at the point where I am trying to go for really pretty women. However, I am running into some difficulty. My issue is that I am meeting women of quality who don't want first meeting sex. I am getting a feeling that quality women (the real pretty ones) can have sex whenever and with whomever they want at any given time. So a lover who just provides them with sex is really nothing to them since they can get sex from anyone. So, what I am saying is since quality women have a lot of options to choose from they are more prone to being "gamed" (meaning taking them out on dates and playing the game). In your experience do you think this is true? Do you think quality women need to be "gamed"? Or is my entire thinking flawed, do I need rewiring?

Thanks!

And another one:

I also tend to find out that Women of Quality (not your average cute college girl or a drunk club girl) simply will NOT sleep with you until dates 3-5, no matter what you do. I am fairly successful with women and have no problem seducing them on the first date, if we are both on the same wavelengths. Some of the Women of Quality (especially late 20s-early 30s, as opposed to early 20s) just don't have sex early on and they would cut down any and all attempts to do so.

These are very interesting points. Let me now give my answers. In this post I will cover my opinion on the issue. I believe these topics needs clarification and I hope this will clarify a few things for many of you.

Why Girls Don't Follow Logic


girls and logicIs it that girls are illogical, or is it that by worrying if a girl will follow our logic we forget to inspire them instead?

When it comes to girls, an experienced man knows that thinking outside the box is key to understanding the choices women make, and he embraces this fact because it not only affords her freedoms, but it affords him some too. Great relationships are built upon an understanding of why women need to be inspired daily rather than won over once and expected to then do as you do. Learn to inspire them and get rid of that confusion today.

If you are like most men, you have probably found yourself in this scenario: a girl has shown interest in you, and has indicated she will go out with you, etc., but then when it comes time she is nowhere to be seen or heard from. You call her later: “Where were you?” and she replies with something that makes no sense too you, given your prior arrangement: “Oh, you didn’t call so I assumed it was off.”

What?

To better understand why women do these kinds of things, you have to take on the attitude that accepts the behavior before passing judgement on it. Girls do things like this because, like you, they fear all kinds of rejection and making mistakes, but unlike you, they must consider the social consequences of how each situation “felt” and how it will reflect on them if they act on it. Girls do not reciprocate feelings and actions based on logic because the feeling of each action must be judged independently according to its context at that moment in time.

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