Emotions

The effects emotions have on men and women, and how they can be a powerful tool in attraction and relationship building.

Another Bad Night? Don’t Get Washed Out – Change It


Have you ever just had a bad night?

One of those nights where everything you want to happen just doesn’t materialize, and as a result you get pulled into this space where everything you do is some how miscalculated and wrong?

One of those nights where afterwards you shake your head and feel like “What the hell was that!?”

bad night

Well, I have good news: it gets better, and the better you get the more you avoid these nights.

There are things you pick up along your journey that help you avoid getting washed out like this, and I thought I’d share some things I’ve noticed to help you avoid some of the discomfort when things aren’t going all that well.

She May be a Bitch to You… But She’s a Pussycat for Me


cool bitchIt’s forever been the mark of the man who’s reached the highest pinnacle of skill with women: a comfort, ease, and naturalness with them that few other men possess.

This comfort, ease, and naturalness extends to all sorts of women, too: quiet and inexperienced women, vivacious and dynamic women, temptresses and seductresses and nerdy schoolgirls alike.

And it even extends to bitches.

You know, those women whom most men chase after only until they catch them nose turning up toward their advances, then turn away in disgust and say, “I don’t like girls like her anyway.”

The beautiful ones, or even the not-so-beautiful ones, who nevertheless know how to make themselves seem to rank among the elite.

And what’s more... what’s truly inspiring or consternating to the ordinary man looking on (depending on whether he roots for his fellow man or wishes only to vanquish him)... is that, quite often, even the “bitches” love the lover of women right back.

Why is this so? What is it about this man that turns the women inaccessible to most men into playful, purring kittens?

And is this pinnacle one attainable by those more ordinary men who wish to summit it?

Be Intriguing. Be Memorable.


What should your first impression be like in order to get a girl to be excited enough to text you back?

We tend to think we need to be the most attractive guy to a girl the first time we meet and create an undeniable connection in order to get her to be excited enough to respond back, but in reality, these things can actually scare girls off and rarely cause things to pan out like you would expect them to.

Over the years I’ve come to learn that you shouldn’t focus too much on first impressions or try to achieve too much too early, because it isn’t the most powerful way to stand out.

At the end of the day, women are over saturated with different messages from different guys, and all of their feelings of attraction tend to blur together into one big conglomeration, until they can no longer tell you apart from that other guys. Girls just have way too many options, and your being attractive almost always gets lost amidst all of that.

intriguing and memorable

So if you want to stand out, don’t try to be the most attractive guy of the bunch; just find a way to intrigue her and be memorable.

If you can do those two things well, you can then focus on what you will do the next time you see her rather than stress out about being Superman. This is how you best handle a first impression: by not overdoing it!

Let’s face it: girls have major ADD when it comes to stimulating interactions with guys, and while this seems at first to work against our interests, you’ll find that the best path forwards is acceptance and then to politely sidestep the mosh-pit and set up your interactions so they are as crisp as they can get. Play along with this aspect of their psyche and try not to get too upset by it, just play along for now, and work to develop a simple strategy.

CBT Series Part II: How to Do Behavior Therapy on Yourself


An introduction to cognitive therapy (CT) was given in the previous article in this series, and I recommend reading it before reading this article.

A short refresher on the article about cognitive therapy is that your mind is equipped with mechanisms that ensure you don't take on physical or social risks you cannot handle, like things that generate too much anxiety.

Your fears and limiting beliefs will, with regards to seduction, often be irrational or obsolete if you have taken action to improve yourself, and CT is a way to update your mental map with more productive thoughts.

behavior therapy

But sometimes a purely cognitive approach will not work. Maybe you are doing something really wrong and have to integrate new behavior.

Or you might, for example, have absolutely no relevant reference experiences to back up the belief that you will be able to pick up a woman you don't know in advance or a woman who is very hot. And no matter how much you read that this is possible, or are told so by others, you still can not imagine it happening.

Then the pure cognitive approach must be complemented by new behavior and additional reference experiences, and now we are dealing with behavior therapy (BT).

Behavior therapy is a very big topic with many concepts and techniques; this article will go through the most relevant ones for improving your social skills. The main enemy here is social anxiety, which is intimately connected to social hierarchies. So let's have a brief discussion on how these two concepts are related.

Beating Your Girlfriend at Her Own Blame Game


blame gameIf you’re at all well-read or attentive on the subject of relationships, I’m sure you’ve noticed a ubiquitous trend: across cultures, across history, in nearly every relationship out there, women wear men down.

This used to be called ‘betaization’ in the seduction community, because it was the process of the male become the beta (#2) in the relationship to the female’s alpha (#1).

Give women time, and they pull this off with just about every guy.

Oh, sure, you see the exceptions – the guy who lords over his domain like a king, with a warm and doting long-term girlfriend or wife (or, sometimes, a submissive and cowering one).

But boy is it ever rare, rare, rare.

What makes it so rare? How is it that women so gradually and steadily work even the mightiest of men under their thumbs?

And if you’d like to remain the king of your castle... the lord of your domain... what can you do to prevent this – and how do you sidestep this taming process that nearly every man in a long-term relationship, given enough time, almost inevitably submits to?

Cut the Inner Safety Monologue and Learn to Fly


The path to independence and confidence is not safe inner monologues, but your ability to face your anxieties and become strong enough to start cutting those inner monologues off.

You have to expect to move beyond safety and face off against greater anxiety. It is a hard path, but it is a path to forging a stronger identity, and a stronger identity will make everything come a lot more smoothly.

We all start out “feeling safe”, and think things like “improving is for those other guys”, and we grow comfortable feeling superior to them. You might have found yourself after a long day starting to drift into thought patterns where you try to lift yourself up by tearing others down in your mind: “He is just a fool”, “She just is superficial”, “If only they were smarter they would have seen my value.”

safety monologue

Ironically, however, this feeling of safety and superiority doesn’t help you out; it just cements weak behavior patterns and leaves you likely to have poor coping skills in future situations.

CBT Series Part I: How to Do Cognitive Therapy on Yourself


Any guy who has ever set his foot on a forum devoted to the study of seduction or who has purchased a book on the topic is likely to be familiar with the expressions “outer game” and “inner game”. He will know that “outer game” advice consists of learning new behaviors, while “inner game” advice is all about restructuring your cognition, or, in plain English, information processing and thought patterns.

cognitive therapy

However, not everybody knows that this is a kind of therapy that psychologists have been studying for decades and that they call “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy” (commonly abbreviated CBT).

Its name indicates that it builds on the earlier method of pure cognitive therapy (CT) and also on behavior therapy (BT). Both psychologists and aspiring seducers have been discussing which therapy is more effective, but, at least among the psychologists, there is more or less agreement that the combination of CT (“inner game”) and BT (“outer game”) is more effective than either alone.

This should not be surprising; if you approach a problem from multiple angles you are more likely to solve it.

This first article in the new series I am kicking off on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy will address the CT part and teach you how to systematically challenge and defeat negative though patterns and unproductive beliefs.

Nearly everybody has something to work with here; there are very few people who are totally free from what are commonly known as “issues”.

How to Not Be Shy


You know the feeling – the one where you see a group of people laughing about a movie you love or getting excited about an overseas location that you know like the back of your hand.

But there you are, standing on the outskirts of the group. Maybe you have a drink in your hand. Maybe you have your hands in your pockets. Maybe you have you arms crossed. Whatever the case may be, you feel intimidated, uneasy, and possibly even scared about the situation at hand.

how to not be shy

You want to be a part of the fun. You know you have something to offer. But the prospect of approaching new people – or worse, approaching that beautiful girl across the room – is much too daunting for your brain to grasp. So you sit there. Doing nothing. Feeling awkward. And then you go home, not making a splash – not even making a ripple.

And you wonder to yourself: “Will things always be like this? Will I ever overcome my shyness and actually connect with people?”

Well, if you’ve been wondering about how to not be shy, wonder no more. I’ve put together a complete primer on how to overcome shyness.

Releasing Your Past and Helping Girls Release Theirs


Ever deal with a girlfriend causing drama by just trying to get her to forget it?

This can seem the expedient path, but rarely is it the most prudent one.

It is just human nature that we don’t want to forget the things that got the better of us. We dwell on the past to avoid getting bested again in the future.

However, in order to make sure the old wounds are not sabotaging us in the present, we have to remember that moving forwards is more important than reminding ourselves of the past.

girl's past

We get stuck in a perpetual loop after bad things have happened sometimes, and that is okay, but sometimes we just need a little help to step outside of those troubles so we can start seeing ourselves acting normal again before we get past it.

Girls are just like anyone else when it comes to the past because they don’t know how to address the same issues if faced with them again in the future. When they face them again they will gain a heightened awareness of how fragile their situation is and worry about it.

Most guys address these concerns the wrong way: they make promises, ignore the looming possibility of reoccurrence of the issue, and target her “focusing on the past” as the problem to be eradicated. The only problem with that is GETTING HIT ONCE IS ENOUGH to double the pain when hit TWICE, so a girl is going exaggerate the importance of the issue if it is ignored.

Girls often mention the past because they are afraid that a positive stream of events they are having will be interrupted by the same BS. In order to help girls move past this, don’t make promises, don’t ignore that it can happen again, and don’t treat her memory and caution as the problem.

Attainability Woes; or, Why Girls Who Like You Reject You


Commenting on “I Can’t Get Girls Because Girls Only Want [BLANK]”, TR asks the following about girls who appear to like you, yet ultimately sabotage their interactions with you due to hang-ups:

I've noticed that even though I can have an outstanding interaction with a woman that clearly likes me, when it comes to closing she may still sabotage herself. This usually happens with women much taller than I am, and though I have no doubt that she really likes me, I'm also pretty certain that the height thing makes her a bit insecure. These women consistently fall over hard for me afterwards (lack of control + attraction is dynamite) but they have that mental block that sabotages them more often than not.

Do you think you could post up a follow-up article on how to handle things like this? Perhaps it has to do with setting the right frames, or maybe it's just a matter of letting go and looking for the right girls instead.

This is a great topic, and it's something you'll run into repeatedly if you're out meeting women fairly often: those girls who clearly like you, are into you, are attracted to you... yet who just won't let themselves do anything with you.

girl likes you but rejects you

It's a disconcerting affair the first couple of times you run into it. "I can tell she likes me," you say to youself. "Why the heck is she rejecting me?"

Ultimately, the problem always comes down to the same thing: attainability.

And no matter how swell a guy you are, how friendly, likeable, or attractive, for one reason or the other, she just doesn't view you as all that attainable... and ends up auto-rejecting.

While you can't always prevent this, once you understand why it's happening you can avoid it sometimes - either by preventing the problem from occurring in the first place, or by recognizing when it is occurring, and nipping it in the bud before it becomes something more dooming.

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