Emotions

The effects emotions have on men and women, and how they can be a powerful tool in attraction and relationship building.

All Women Long to Taste Adventure


What do these men have in common?

  • The wealthy investment banker or self-made multimillionaire business owner lounging in the VIP section of the nightclub with bottles of champagne, or skating about town in his brightly colored Lamborghini.

  • The sexy Mediterranean man, a silky accent rolling off of his Spanish or Italian or Greek lips, a specific flair about him that makes him seem rich with experience, intrigue, and hints of the romantic.

  • The enigmatic artist, a lone writer or fervent painter, who exists outside the system – neither retail worker nor manual laborer nor cubicle desk jockey, but creative, tortured soul consumed by his demons, and by a passion few keep past their first decade of life.

woman adventure

All these men have various different things going for them that trigger an assortment of different attraction triggers in women:

Yet, there is also something about each man that the majority of men a woman meets lacks.

It is not something he is, so much...

It is something he offers her.

This thing he offers her is an adventure – one of romance, one of excitement, one of the unknown. One that seems to step right out of the romance novels women turn the pages of with ardor when no one is around to watch them (frequently slipping a hand delicately into their panties as they do so).

Adventure is the great equalizer, and it is the reason you will see overweight, balding, non-rich men ending up with women that trim, good-looking, well-off men struggle to get. Not because the former man is better, per se... but because he offered her something the latter may not have even known was important to bother offering.

How Much Effort Does Life Take?


When I first read about the Law of Least Effort, it was as if everything suddenly made sense. I thought that learning about expending effort would put me leagues ahead of other men, as I knew that I didn’t have to act all crazy and get into these long-winded conversations to get with girls; I could just be like all those cool guys who had women chasing and crawling all over them.

effort for life

Unfortunately, I took the definition of the Law of Least Effort a bit too literally.

I started expending next to no effort in an attempt to not appear try-hard. However, when you expend hardly any effort, you aren’t going to get any results.

Rather than achieving what I was setting off to do, I became a closed off and virtual unknown to women. I’d go out and see attractive woman, thinking that things would be so much better if I had them chasing me and carrying the conversation all on their own. I thought that by sitting around and doing next to nothing women would flock to me and up my cool factor exponentially.

After all – I was effortless, wasn’t I?

But women rarely approached me. When you’re risk averse and don’t put forward any effort, you won’t gain anything.

It turns out that I was missing one vital point of the Law of Least Effort. You must expend as little effort as possible while still achieving what you’ve set out to do.

How to Be Cool: The Ultimate 4-Part Coolness Formula


I taught myself how to be “cool” as a junior high student many years ago. It was an intuitive process for me at the time, though filled with social experiments and trial and error – and lots of beating up on myself to get it just right.

I’ve spent years trying to figure out a good way to teach all the aspects of being cool. A way to boil it all down to something simple, streamlined, and easily remembered and used by anyone who aspires to “cool”: who wants to be that person that everybody else just looks at and says, “Man, that guy is cool.”

how to be cool

How do you transform someone who “doesn’t get it” – whom others laugh at, make fun of, disrespect, or ignore – into someone they look up to, gravitate toward, and esteem?

To do this, of course, you need good tactics – you need to be able to give them the “what to do”; but more than this, you need the underlying principles: what is it about cool people that just makes them so damn cool?

Well, after years of non-starters on an article about this, I will say that I have successfully boiled “cool” down to four (4) core elements that are eminently doable and absolutely teachable.

Get all four of these right, and you will be – without question – unstoppably, unspeakably, almost unbearably cool.

And the best news is, all any of them takes is a little practice and, yes... a little discipline.

Is Trivializing the Root of All Interpersonal Woes?


I was doing some reading the other day when I came across the term “trivializing.”

It gets thrown about in popular media, and often is something you learn to somewhat ignore, just because of how often people lament others “trivializing” some XYZ “really big deal” to them, that seems trite or overblown to others.

And yet...

trivializing

Examine the classic debate between two opposites. Say someone who is pro-renewable energy because he wants to save the planet, and someone else who is pro-fossil fuels because he doesn’t want to be forced to pay top dollar for new, less effective technologies when cheaper alternatives are available.

The first guy accuses the second guy of killing the planet. The second guy feels like the first guy is trivializing his need to not burn a hole in his wallet, and becomes offended, and tells him off. The first guy then feels like the second guy is trivializing his desire to save the planet as an ignoble cause, and fiercely retorts.

This is a case of crossed wires communication-wise of the sort we discussed in “Dale Carnegie’s Most Life-Changing Piece of Advice”, but it goes broader than this, because trivializing comes in many shapes and forms, and it’s hard to detect and harder to combat in nearly all of them.

A Failed Relationship is a Failure of Leadership


Who’s fault is it when a relationship fails?

Two words for you: the man’s.

Usually.

failed relationship

Note: a relationship failure is something different than letting a relationship decline and die, or just breaking up with a girl, because you’ve lost interest or other things in your life have taken precedence or she’s let herself go and is no longer meeting your requirements for someone you’ll keep around in a relationship capacity.

In that case, while a female observer would still consider it a “failed relationship”, from the standpoint of the male it probably isn’t (unless it’s a case of her letting herself go... then, maybe it is, if she was what you wanted before that but stopped being it after it). In that case, it’s just a relationship that didn’t work out.

When I say “failed relationship” here, what I’m talking about is a relationship that you really wanted to work out... but it went belly up anyway.

Is it ever the woman’s fault?

Yes, sometimes. Rarely. In the case where the relationship is a female dominated one because the man has yielded to her the role of captain aboard the good ship Relation... in that case, he is following her lead, and the direction the relationship goes is up to her.

Even then though, I’m torn... because most women who lead don’t want to do it, and resent men who make them do it as weak. If I’m the officer of a military unit and I hand over my command to one of my subordinates, who then goes on to lead us right smack into a disaster, am I absolved of all blame, or do I still take some too?

The large majority of the time, across most kinds of relationships, it’s the fault of you, the man – and nearly always, it’s a failure of leadership that causes the relationship to fold.

What Causes Infidelity – And How to Handle It


what causes infidelityInfidelity can be one of the most difficult things that can happen to you as a man.

Sometimes you feel it coming but try not to admit it to yourself; other times, it seems to come completely out of left field.

Women are such largely emotional creatures, and if you don’t know how to manage those emotions, you could very well find yourself in a world of hurt.

But what causes infidelity in the first place?

Today I’m going to talk about the root causes of infidelity, share a painfully valuable story from my past, and talk about how to spot infidelity before it happens as well as how to handle it if it does happen to you.

How to Break Free from Your White Knight Mindset


white knightThe guys that eventually start to “get” women all have one thing in common: they ALL realize that being consistent with women is just not as simple as they thought it was going to be... and they step up to the challenge.

In this article, I’m going to tell you why the white knight attitude has to go, and I’m going to give you some clues as to what you should do instead.

First off, what is a white knight and why does it have anything to do with not stepping up to the challenge with women?

A white knight is the name given to a certain type of blind optimism, and it is a mindset that is very common amongst guys who are yet to take the demands of being good with women seriously.

White knight behaviours include things like:

  • Putting women on pedestals

  • Making the girl your only focus

  • Speaking overly intelligently (faking)

  • Taking everything at face value

  • Rushing to judgement in order to peripherally impress women or “hold your ground”

  • Pretending you are asexual (no sexual motives)

  • Posturing, or running an “impress the damsel” routine

  • Putting up strong barriers in an attempt to appear like you have good traits like honesty, faithfulness, infatuation, cleanliness, agreeableness, etc.

  • Roping girls into romantic relationships because they gave you some signals

Have you ever congratulated yourself for something you thought you did really well, only to later discover you actually overlooked huge details and what you were doing wasn’t even half as good as you imagined it was?

White knighting is a result of the same phenomenon. We think we are clever, until the penny drops later that we are actually messing up very important details that are crucial to long-term viability of our behaviour.

Artificial Hierarchies vs. Personal Appeal


I want to make a brief side trip from seduction today to talk about a broader social distinction you will run into that it’s vitally important to understand.

That is the distinction between artificial hierarchies and personal appeal.

artificial hierarchies

In the broader social arena, when it comes to getting hired on jobs, or dealing with legal issues, or negotiating mano-e-mano, or differentiating even between social circle game and cold approach pickup, you’ll find that most people seem to be stronger in one area – navigating and leveraging artificial hierarchies, or appealing to and swaying individuals personally – than they are the other.

And when you’re in your element, you will often find things easier; conversely, when you’re out of it, things will often become fiendishly hard and you will not know why.

The reason why frequently is because you’re trying to achieve your objectives using the wrong strategy for the situation at hand... because each of these two types of power structures require very different approaches.

Very few people ever come to grasp this well enough to move fluidly back and forth between the two.

How Men Lose Women: They Overreact


lose womenImagine this scenario, if you will.

A man goes out with a woman, and everything feels like it is going great. She’s totally into him, smiles at everything he says, and follows his lead. Then, at some point during the interaction, she does something that completely catches him off guard.

Maybe she refuses a request in an attempt to test him.

Maybe she decides that going home with him wouldn’t be a good idea, and she protests at such an idea.

Maybe she puts up last minute resistance and leaves him wondering what in the world he needs to do to get past it.

All of the previous scenarios include a defining moment, because these men are unsure of how to proceed with unforeseen challenges.

These defining moments are the points in conversation where most men lose women. They are lost at what to do in such a scenario, and effectively scrape their minds to find a strategy to blow past that which is in the way of their goals.

… And when each strategy just doesn’t work out, what do they do? They lose power, and begin to panic. The loss of power causes them to become moody, belligerent, and bitter, because they just aren’t getting what they want with women.

Overreactions like this happen all the time. They are one of the primary destroyers of an interaction which otherwise may have been going along quite well, but were utterly destroyed when the leader (that’s you) ran into a roadblock. The smooth, seductive mask is lifted, and you are left angry at finding yourself unable to get to where you wanted to get to.

She Must Never Become Your Mission


never become your missionI happened upon an article entitled “An Open Letter To My Future Wife: How I Plan To Make You Happy Every Day Of Your Life” earlier today, written without a doubt very sincerely to the author’s imagined future wife – here’s a short excerpt:

I promise to do my best to make you beam daily, so count on many surprises. Your smile will be my priority. I get weak knees when anybody smiles, so just imagine the effort I will make to be the source of yours.

I promise I will always look at you with the same adoration as I did the moment I realized I loved you.

I promise to try to ignite the same sparkle in your eyes I see when you’re surprised, inspired, motivated or when you are about to lean in to kiss me.

I promise to hold your hand when we’re 80 years old with the same liveliness that I did when I crossed that line to hold yours for the first time. I vow never to let the excitement of dating me die down; I will surprise you with the location, the reason or the activity itself.

I promise to keep you guessing where we’re going next.  I promise to do my best always to interest you. I will keep reinventing myself, gaining new hobbies, new knowledge and new interests to keep you — and myself — entertained.

... and it goes on like this for quite a bit.

At the bottom of the article are plenty of Facebook comments from girls praising (sort of) the article, of course, saying things like:

never become your mission

never become your mission

never become your mission

There’s even a female commenter saying (jokingly) “Marry me!”

But of course, no one’s actually lining up to marry this guy... despite all he’s promised.

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