Emotions

The effects emotions have on men and women, and how they can be a powerful tool in attraction and relationship building.

“Women are Evil”


women are evil
Tests, complaints, difficulty, and betrayal. It’s easy to see why some men think women are evil. But is what they do the product of villainy?

This is a sentiment we’ve seen various commenters, forum members, and passersby express over the years. That “women are evil”. They are bad, devious, snake-like creatures, not to be trusted. They are the Devil himself, in his most seductive form.

I addressed this to a certain extent a few weeks back in “A Few Thoughts on MGTOW: Men Going Their Own Ways.” However, I want to address it head-on in this article. If you have trouble believing any man could actually seriously think women are evil, here’s a comment from a reader named Neal on my recent article “You Only Get One Second Chance”:

This is actually a good article on the evils of women. Ah well, I got banned from Chase forums for making these posts. They were deleted too. The irony though is that my articles were really good, and were deleted, but they reoccur in some other form by authors here.

I’ll begin this article by stating that any man who places his trust unconditionally in anyone else than his mother or his father sets himself up to be made a fool. Friends may turn their backs on you, children may forget about you, mentors may give up on you. Women may leave you, scorn you, or humiliate you.

Which is not to say any of these people will do these things. Only that they might. There are plenty of men with friends who last a lifetime, children who serve them with filial piety, mentors who champion them ceaselessly, and women who never waver in their devotion to them.

But the men who’ve been burned, well, those are the men you hear from who stop by to educate you on how terrible the nature of this or that segment of the human population is. Friends are mere opportunists, mentors will abandon you, children are leeches, and women turncoats. They’ve seen the ugly side of things, and they’re convinced this is the true side of things. Anyone who says different is silly, naïve, trapped in childish delusions... or worse: a snake himself, slithering around sowing confusion so the party doesn’t end for all the other snakes.

In light of these opinions, in this article, we’re going to have a look at the nature of man. We will examine why men (and women) do the things they do, both in support of those around them, and to those others’ detriment.

The Beginning is the Hardest Part


beginning is hardest part
Why’s it have to be so hard to start something new? The truth is, whether it’s sports, art, business, or dating, the hardest part is at the start.

In 2005, the tire company I worked for considered me one of the best salesman in the district. Back in 2001 though, the first customer I ever served as a salesman had so little confidence in me (as a result of my obvious slowness, jitters, and uncertainty) that at one point she stopped me cold, looked me dead in the eye, and told me: “You’d better not fuck up my car.”

In 2006, I’d perform my music for people and they would flip out and tell me I should be on the radio. But in 2002, when I first began to make music, most of what I got was a barrage of hate, telling me my music sucked, I sucked, and (probably the most oft-repeated phrase I got), “Kill yourself, faggot.”

And in 2010, I was doing well enough with girls that I reached a point where my ideal girlfriend-quality girls became a breeze for me to get, and I knew if I went out and picked up hard enough, I could probably find a girl to take home (it might not necessarily be easy – a lot of that is down to luck... but doable). Yet, when I made my first real efforts to meet girls via cold approach in 2001, I failed so hard that I didn’t even try again for another 3.5 years.

I’ve watched a lot of guys get good with girls over the years, and most don’t suck as hard as I did at the beginning, or for nearly as long. Nevertheless, I share these examples to introduce a concept it’s important you get: that the beginning is the hardest part.

If you can get past this part, it gets easier and easier from there.

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Turn Around a Girl in Auto-Rejection


dating turnaround
A girl who’s in auto-rejection gets cold and snubs you. To turn it around and effect a recovery, you must use this 4-step formula.

This is a firefighting post.

I say that because if you do things right you won’t have to fix anything. But we all make mistakes.

On my article about screening girls for same-day lays, a reader asks:

About that girl giving massive iois and i didnt approach due to exams coming up.. Its difficult to go into social mode when you have your head in books all day since over a month. And to top it all off, she has gone cold.. typical auto rejection, which is my main sticking point for sometime now. She gave me massive blatant in my face AIs but i failed to take action. Price paid. Very frustrating. I have read all your articles on auto rejection.

[...]

Please come up with some technique to turn around auto rejection as its seems impossible once girls go in that territory. You advised value boosts and preselection to turn around auto rejections but would not those make us seem more unattainable and worsening auto rejection as she sees me with other girls and thinks she wasnt good enough? Thoughts?

I was reading your old forum posts and you said not to accept responisbility for her reactions as it make you seem weak. What in this situation when her ego is hurt? Will accepting responsibility that i wanted to come talk to her earlier but could not due to exams better the situation or worsen it? Or should i blame it all on her that its difficult to approach you as you have a lot of security around? ;) (Her parents or brothers are chaperoning her mostly). How about opening with i know i should have come earlier but.. ‘launching into reasons’? This seems like obsessing but i just want to get your take on it.

Is it better to go in as soon as you sense a girl is auto rejecting or give a time gap and re-engage later? And is it possible to turn around their opinions of yourself after ghosting for a while or once its set they see you that way whole life no matter what.. even years later?

Why doesn’t chasing work when the girl is AR? Shouldn’t her hurt ego feel relieved as being chased is an ego boost?

Auto-rejection. If you’ve just tuned in, that’s when a girl feels like she can’t get you... So rejects you before you reject her. It’s a response that lets her shield her ego from a guy she thinks doesn’t like or respect her.

It’s also one of the hardest issues to fix. Particularly if you’ve just met.

Yet, there’s opportunity there too. Because if you can fix the mistake, her passion for you goes through the roof.

Can Casual Sex Emotionally Satisfy You?


Hey guys!

Here is another reflection of mine. Lately I have discussed with other well-experienced seducers about “meaningfulness” in seduction – a topic that has really caught my attention lately.

What is the meaning of all this?

Many men tend to look at this in a very black and white fashion – as in either sleeping with lots of different women or settling down with one particular girl.

Truth is, it doesn’t have to be that black and white. This post will briefly discuss the pros and cons before covering an alternative to those forms of lifestyle – a lifestyle I and a few other seducers are discussing or even endorsing.

casual sex satisfy

Why You Always Date the Wrong Person


There are two types of people in the world, romantically-speaking:

  • Those who always date the right person, and
  • Those who always date the wrong person

The people who always date the right person are fairly consistently happy, contented, and have wonderful views of the opposite sex. They think dating is grand, and they’re still friends with their exes. Or at least they think warmly of them.

The people who always date the wrong person are fairly consistently ticked off, resentful, or disappointed, and often have scathing views of the opposite sex. They think dating is a grind, and they’re confused and unhappy, or even mortal enemies with their exes... when they’re not trying to get their exes back again, that is.

date the wrong person

This article is about why people fall into one of these camps or the other: why some people always date the right person, and why others always date the wrong one.

She Always Needs to Think You’re in Control


That sounds like a power-mad, insecure, control-freak title for an article, doesn’t it?

“She always needs to think you’re in control.”

Pretty outdated, right?

Especially in a world in which more men consider ‘masculinity’ a bad thing than a good thing:

you're in control

In truth, we get plenty of guys who stumble upon Girls Chase articles (and mine in particular) who object to just this advice:

  • “Why does the guy have to do everything?”
  • “Why do I have to be in control?”
  • “Why can’t women just take the lead sometimes?”

But this article isn’t so much about WHY you must lead, nor much about HOW to lead.

If you want to know more about that subject, check these articles out:

Rather, this article is about keeping up appearances, and not giving a girl the impression that the guy she’s with is floating along, doesn’t have a clue, or is abdicating leadership of the courtship... whether to her, to Mother Nature, or to fate, luck, hope, or chance.

She always needs to think you are in control.

Because if she doesn’t, she ain’t hanging around.

Tactics Tuesday: Pace Her Reality (& Guide Her Emotions)


You’re with a group of three girls you’ve just met at a nightclub, and you’ve really hit it off with one of the girls, this girl Ava. She’s cute, perky, and a whole lot of fun.

pace her reality

Suddenly, you’re yanked out of an engrossed conversation with Ava by a fracas nearby; one of the other girls in the group, Miria, is shouting at one of the nightclub’s bouncers.

First the other friend jumps in.

Then your girl, Ava, jumps in too.

You hang on the sidelines, unsure what to do.

You could feel it’d been going pretty well with Ava, and you thought you stood a pretty solid chance to pull her home tonight.

The argument between the girls and the bouncer end, with the bouncer telling Ava and the other friend that they need to keep Miria on a leash or he’s going to boot them out.

Ava and the two girls debate among each other, emotionally fraught. Finally, Ava turns back to you and says, “Sorry, I think we’re just going to leave.”

“It’s okay, I understand,” you say calmly. You aren’t sure exactly how to react, but you decide to play it cool and do your best to look unfazed. “Let’s trade cells so we can connect later on.”

“I’m really not in trading-numbers mood right now,” she says, “Sorry. I just want to go home.”

Then, she turns away, and her and her two friends take off.

Them’s the shakes, right?

Could it have gone any differently?

It could have – had you paced her reality, instead of freezing in the headlights.

3 Kinds of Men (and How to Care More No Matter Which You Are)


There are, in romance, three kinds of men.

And before any of these three kinds of men is truly free to care about the women in his life and the others around him, he must make an inner journey that forces him to face his demons and let go of his fears of where these lead.

We all, in our own ways, search for a kind of absolution.

When we are young we expect that to come in the form of young love. Movies overwhelmingly portray it as “the happiest ending possible”, so why not? Some choose that path and succeed, some choose it and feel inadequate for doing so, and some choose to walk away from it (as I did).

But the complexities do not end there, and the human condition is fraught with astounding complexity and specificity for each and every one of us. Our lives are all set to a very unique mould, and no two are exactly alike. However, there are some things that are unilateral in their own quirky ways and I hope to share a few tips about life.

kinds of men

In my next article after this one I will describe two paths: one of the guy who chooses teen love, the other who doesn’t and walks another path. However, in this article I’m going to start by shortly describing another path and then afterwards share some techniques it uncovers.

When Talking to Girls, Make the Boring Exciting


There was a quite wonderful article in the New York Times the other day about the use of storytelling and narratives.

In the piece, “What Happens When Baseball-Stats Nerds Run a Pro Team?”, the authors reveal their discovery that simply conveying bare factual information ultimately proved less inspiring – despite its accuracy – and that when they began to spin a narrative around the reasons for their actions, players took this more to heart, put their emotions into the game, and started winning.

There’s a great parallel here with talking to girls, too: because if all you’re doing is conveying facts, you’ll struggle to get buy-in, pleasure, excitement, and attention... even if your facts are the best facts in the business.

As you know all too well if you read this site regularly, emotions are a woman’s bread and butter: she doesn’t want to know your details.

She wants to feel something. Facts don’t do this for her. Stories do.

talking to girls

If you can make her feel those up and down emotions, that thrill, and that excitement, she is as good as yours.

3 Keys to Winner Mentality: Prediction, Confidence, and Harmony


winner mentality

What are the differences between how a beneficial, robust mental model works, versus how robust-yet-harmful mental models (like victim mentality) or non-robust mental models yet clung-to models work?

I’ve been analyzing mental models a lot recently. In particular, how people can have extremely different, yet robust or at least unyielding mental models, and how each different kind of mental model produces different kinds of results.

For instance:

  • Victim mentality is actually an extremely robust mental model. Individuals who view themselves as victims – and such individuals are extremely common across societies, of every sex, race, age, and creed – continually find reason to view themselves as the recipients of misfortune, find justification for their models, and receive feedback from the world that reinforces rather than disabuses them of their models

  • Conversely, what I’d call winner, or success-driven, individuals also have extremely robust mental models. Individuals who view themselves as successes tend to be quite good at finding ways to pull victory out of defeat, at avoiding situations where they would suffer setbacks, and don’t spend much time dwelling on setbacks, other than from a problem-solving mentality. As a result, they spend little time in defeat and quickly dust themselves off even after most reasonably catastrophic failures

But it’s not just someone’s victim/winner orientation. It’s also the reliability of his predictions.

For instance, someone who sees himself as a victim has confidence in his mental model because his predictions are either correct, or he explains them away if they aren’t. He sees a pretty girl and says, “Well, she’ll reject me, of course,” and if he approaches and she does reject him, he says, “See? I knew it. Women always reject me.” If instead she’s friendly, he’ll be inclined to explain it away: “She must’ve been drunk” or “She doesn’t really like me... she was probably just being polite.”

Both victims and winners make predictions and their predictions either come true, or they attempt to explain to themselves (and others) why in this case the prediction failed, yet the failure does not violate their mental model overall. This makes these models robust.

Obviously, if they receive enough feedback to crash the model, they’ll be forced to reassess. But most people adopt models that seem to justify their experiences, and avoid experiences that may invalidate their models.

However, prediction is only the surface here – largely because it doesn’t give us a way to qualify the differences between different mental models (like victim and winner mentalities). So we need to add two more pieces.

I propose any robust, success-oriented mental model is comprised of three (3) bits:

  • Predictive accuracy,
  • Confidence in the model, and
  • Harmonious choices and outcomes

Pages

Subscribe to RSS - Emotions