Emotions

The effects emotions have on men and women, and how they can be a powerful tool in attraction and relationship building.

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Turn Around a Girl in Auto-Rejection


dating turnaround
A girl who’s in auto-rejection gets cold and snubs you. To turn it around and effect a recovery, you must use this 4-step formula.

This is a firefighting post.

I say that because if you do things right you won’t have to fix anything. But we all make mistakes.

On my article about screening girls for same-day lays, a reader asks:

About that girl giving massive iois and i didnt approach due to exams coming up.. Its difficult to go into social mode when you have your head in books all day since over a month. And to top it all off, she has gone cold.. typical auto rejection, which is my main sticking point for sometime now. She gave me massive blatant in my face AIs but i failed to take action. Price paid. Very frustrating. I have read all your articles on auto rejection.

[...]

Please come up with some technique to turn around auto rejection as its seems impossible once girls go in that territory. You advised value boosts and preselection to turn around auto rejections but would not those make us seem more unattainable and worsening auto rejection as she sees me with other girls and thinks she wasnt good enough? Thoughts?

I was reading your old forum posts and you said not to accept responisbility for her reactions as it make you seem weak. What in this situation when her ego is hurt? Will accepting responsibility that i wanted to come talk to her earlier but could not due to exams better the situation or worsen it? Or should i blame it all on her that its difficult to approach you as you have a lot of security around? ;) (Her parents or brothers are chaperoning her mostly). How about opening with i know i should have come earlier but.. ‘launching into reasons’? This seems like obsessing but i just want to get your take on it.

Is it better to go in as soon as you sense a girl is auto rejecting or give a time gap and re-engage later? And is it possible to turn around their opinions of yourself after ghosting for a while or once its set they see you that way whole life no matter what.. even years later?

Why doesn’t chasing work when the girl is AR? Shouldn’t her hurt ego feel relieved as being chased is an ego boost?

Auto-rejection. If you’ve just tuned in, that’s when a girl feels like she can’t get you... So rejects you before you reject her. It’s a response that lets her shield her ego from a guy she thinks doesn’t like or respect her.

It’s also one of the hardest issues to fix. Particularly if you’ve just met.

Yet, there’s opportunity there too. Because if you can fix the mistake, her passion for you goes through the roof.

Can Casual Sex Emotionally Satisfy You?


Hey guys!

Here is another reflection of mine. Lately I have discussed with other well-experienced seducers about “meaningfulness” in seduction – a topic that has really caught my attention lately.

What is the meaning of all this?

Many men tend to look at this in a very black and white fashion – as in either sleeping with lots of different women or settling down with one particular girl.

Truth is, it doesn’t have to be that black and white. This post will briefly discuss the pros and cons before covering an alternative to those forms of lifestyle – a lifestyle I and a few other seducers are discussing or even endorsing.

casual sex satisfy

Why You Always Date the Wrong Person


There are two types of people in the world, romantically-speaking:

  • Those who always date the right person, and
  • Those who always date the wrong person

The people who always date the right person are fairly consistently happy, contented, and have wonderful views of the opposite sex. They think dating is grand, and they’re still friends with their exes. Or at least they think warmly of them.

The people who always date the wrong person are fairly consistently ticked off, resentful, or disappointed, and often have scathing views of the opposite sex. They think dating is a grind, and they’re confused and unhappy, or even mortal enemies with their exes... when they’re not trying to get their exes back again, that is.

date the wrong person

This article is about why people fall into one of these camps or the other: why some people always date the right person, and why others always date the wrong one.

She Always Needs to Think You’re in Control


That sounds like a power-mad, insecure, control-freak title for an article, doesn’t it?

“She always needs to think you’re in control.”

Pretty outdated, right?

Especially in a world in which more men consider ‘masculinity’ a bad thing than a good thing:

you're in control

In truth, we get plenty of guys who stumble upon Girls Chase articles (and mine in particular) who object to just this advice:

  • “Why does the guy have to do everything?”
  • “Why do I have to be in control?”
  • “Why can’t women just take the lead sometimes?”

But this article isn’t so much about WHY you must lead, nor much about HOW to lead.

If you want to know more about that subject, check these articles out:

Rather, this article is about keeping up appearances, and not giving a girl the impression that the guy she’s with is floating along, doesn’t have a clue, or is abdicating leadership of the courtship... whether to her, to Mother Nature, or to fate, luck, hope, or chance.

She always needs to think you are in control.

Because if she doesn’t, she ain’t hanging around.

Tactics Tuesday: Pace Her Reality (& Guide Her Emotions)


You’re with a group of three girls you’ve just met at a nightclub, and you’ve really hit it off with one of the girls, this girl Ava. She’s cute, perky, and a whole lot of fun.

pace her reality

Suddenly, you’re yanked out of an engrossed conversation with Ava by a fracas nearby; one of the other girls in the group, Miria, is shouting at one of the nightclub’s bouncers.

First the other friend jumps in.

Then your girl, Ava, jumps in too.

You hang on the sidelines, unsure what to do.

You could feel it’d been going pretty well with Ava, and you thought you stood a pretty solid chance to pull her home tonight.

The argument between the girls and the bouncer end, with the bouncer telling Ava and the other friend that they need to keep Miria on a leash or he’s going to boot them out.

Ava and the two girls debate among each other, emotionally fraught. Finally, Ava turns back to you and says, “Sorry, I think we’re just going to leave.”

“It’s okay, I understand,” you say calmly. You aren’t sure exactly how to react, but you decide to play it cool and do your best to look unfazed. “Let’s trade cells so we can connect later on.”

“I’m really not in trading-numbers mood right now,” she says, “Sorry. I just want to go home.”

Then, she turns away, and her and her two friends take off.

Them’s the shakes, right?

Could it have gone any differently?

It could have – had you paced her reality, instead of freezing in the headlights.

3 Kinds of Men (and How to Care More No Matter Which You Are)


There are, in romance, three kinds of men.

And before any of these three kinds of men is truly free to care about the women in his life and the others around him, he must make an inner journey that forces him to face his demons and let go of his fears of where these lead.

We all, in our own ways, search for a kind of absolution.

When we are young we expect that to come in the form of young love. Movies overwhelmingly portray it as “the happiest ending possible”, so why not? Some choose that path and succeed, some choose it and feel inadequate for doing so, and some choose to walk away from it (as I did).

But the complexities do not end there, and the human condition is fraught with astounding complexity and specificity for each and every one of us. Our lives are all set to a very unique mould, and no two are exactly alike. However, there are some things that are unilateral in their own quirky ways and I hope to share a few tips about life.

kinds of men

In my next article after this one I will describe two paths: one of the guy who chooses teen love, the other who doesn’t and walks another path. However, in this article I’m going to start by shortly describing another path and then afterwards share some techniques it uncovers.

When Talking to Girls, Make the Boring Exciting


There was a quite wonderful article in the New York Times the other day about the use of storytelling and narratives.

In the piece, “What Happens When Baseball-Stats Nerds Run a Pro Team?”, the authors reveal their discovery that simply conveying bare factual information ultimately proved less inspiring – despite its accuracy – and that when they began to spin a narrative around the reasons for their actions, players took this more to heart, put their emotions into the game, and started winning.

There’s a great parallel here with talking to girls, too: because if all you’re doing is conveying facts, you’ll struggle to get buy-in, pleasure, excitement, and attention... even if your facts are the best facts in the business.

As you know all too well if you read this site regularly, emotions are a woman’s bread and butter: she doesn’t want to know your details.

She wants to feel something. Facts don’t do this for her. Stories do.

talking to girls

If you can make her feel those up and down emotions, that thrill, and that excitement, she is as good as yours.

3 Keys to Winner Mentality: Prediction, Confidence, and Harmony


winner mentality

What are the differences between how a beneficial, robust mental model works, versus how robust-yet-harmful mental models (like victim mentality) or non-robust mental models yet clung-to models work?

I’ve been analyzing mental models a lot recently. In particular, how people can have extremely different, yet robust or at least unyielding mental models, and how each different kind of mental model produces different kinds of results.

For instance:

  • Victim mentality is actually an extremely robust mental model. Individuals who view themselves as victims – and such individuals are extremely common across societies, of every sex, race, age, and creed – continually find reason to view themselves as the recipients of misfortune, find justification for their models, and receive feedback from the world that reinforces rather than disabuses them of their models

  • Conversely, what I’d call winner, or success-driven, individuals also have extremely robust mental models. Individuals who view themselves as successes tend to be quite good at finding ways to pull victory out of defeat, at avoiding situations where they would suffer setbacks, and don’t spend much time dwelling on setbacks, other than from a problem-solving mentality. As a result, they spend little time in defeat and quickly dust themselves off even after most reasonably catastrophic failures

But it’s not just someone’s victim/winner orientation. It’s also the reliability of his predictions.

For instance, someone who sees himself as a victim has confidence in his mental model because his predictions are either correct, or he explains them away if they aren’t. He sees a pretty girl and says, “Well, she’ll reject me, of course,” and if he approaches and she does reject him, he says, “See? I knew it. Women always reject me.” If instead she’s friendly, he’ll be inclined to explain it away: “She must’ve been drunk” or “She doesn’t really like me... she was probably just being polite.”

Both victims and winners make predictions and their predictions either come true, or they attempt to explain to themselves (and others) why in this case the prediction failed, yet the failure does not violate their mental model overall. This makes these models robust.

Obviously, if they receive enough feedback to crash the model, they’ll be forced to reassess. But most people adopt models that seem to justify their experiences, and avoid experiences that may invalidate their models.

However, prediction is only the surface here – largely because it doesn’t give us a way to qualify the differences between different mental models (like victim and winner mentalities). So we need to add two more pieces.

I propose any robust, success-oriented mental model is comprised of three (3) bits:

  • Predictive accuracy,
  • Confidence in the model, and
  • Harmonious choices and outcomes

The Right Way to Use Defiance to Make Progress with Girls


defiance

If you’re reading a site like Girls Chase, there’s a fairly good chance you’re a rather defiant, rebellious, countercultural individual to some extent:

  • You’ve got the whole of mainstream dating advice telling you to ‘just be yourself’ and wish upon a star and the right girl will come along if you just wait long enough, and any girl who doesn’t like you, well, that’s her problem, because you’re perfect as-is.

  • You’ve got legions of nice guys out there swamping the radio with the tragic tales of the women who’ve cheated on them and broken their hearts, and drowning the theaters and television stations with romantic comedies that depict them losing women again and again to the bad boy until finally, one day, the girl realizes she’s tired of hooking up with sexy bad boys and wants someone who isn’t going to break her heart for the long-term, and there’s Mr. Nice Guy, ready to sweep up the pieces of her broken heart and try to heal and fix her with marriage.

  • You’ve got women themselves telling you they don’t even like all those sexy guys they have sex with, and you should just stay the way they are and don’t change one bit. Don’t worry, someday when she’s done with the bad boys, you may yet get your shot with her.

  • You’ve got the downers, who want you to know it’s impossible to get girls if you don’t have movie star looks, investment banker income, basketball player height, and the right racial background.

  • You’ve even got books like The Game telling you you just need to memorize a few tricks, learn a few routines, and then basically repeat this script with every girl, and the flood gates will open up.

Yet, somehow, you’ve ended up here, studying the nuances of various tactics, fundamentals, and abilities, and coming at doing better with women in a systematic, skill-based way, where you mix experimentation and good old fashioned elbow grease to achieve the results you desire with women (whatever those results may be).

It’s pretty obvious you’re a defiant personality type... or at the very least, you’ve stumbled in here and are feeling defiance toward many of those other people and sources of information telling you to do things this way or that.

That brings me to today’s cautionary tale: be careful whom you’re defying.

Because defiance, improperly aimed, can be as big a handicap as it can a helper.

Quit Procrastinating and Go Meet a Bunch of Girls This Week


procrastination

“What are you WAITING for!?”

The question runs through almost all the advice I mete out on seduction. Big part of the advice I see other guys give, too.

A student from a coaching session stands around, hesitating to approach.

“What are you waiting for!?”

A lover complains about how she’s unable to live her dream of being a professional dancer.

“What are you waiting for!?”

A friend is hung up on a single girl, and unwilling to move on with his life.

“What are you waiting for!?”

People sure spend a lot of time waiting.

You could grow old waiting for most people to finish waiting. Or you could even meet a girl, sleep with her, and have an entire wonderful relationship with her during the same time other men spend looking for the “right moment” to chat with that girl from work or class or wherever she’s from.

But, you know – “What are you waiting for!?” – if you can internalize this utterly electric anti-procrastination attitude, you will be 90% of the way to becoming the man you know you really can be.

If only you stopped putting everything off till tomorrow though, or got up on time, or got that job... then you’d be ready to buckle down and really get to work... right?

Wrong.

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