Emotions | Girls Chase

Emotions

The effects emotions have on men and women, and how they can be a powerful tool in attraction and relationship building.

Be the Lightbringer: Dating and the Sublime Benefits of Positivity

dating positivity
Jadedness and cynicism can go hand-in-hand with the playboy lifestyle. But they don’t need to; it’s more effective to bring light.

Sometimes I encounter a funny problem with guys.

Their fundamentals are in good shape. They have reams of passive value and are all around attractive men, if you go by appearances.

And they’re great on the technical / social aspect of meeting women. Their game is tight, they move confidently through the seduction process, and they have great technique.

Yet they have this nagging issue where they consistently fail to get results they want.

Maybe they get laid, but not with the girls they want. Or they get the girls they want, but they won’t hang around. Or maybe they do everything right, they think, but women reject them far too much.

It’s bizarre, because everything looks good on paper with the guy. But he just isn’t doing all that great.

Then you get to know the guy a bit better and you figure it out: oh. He’s negative.

It’s just a little mindset difference. Negative vs. positive. Wouldn’t think it’d have much impact on your dating success, right? But it does – it has a large influence.

Today we’re going to examine why.

Buddhism, the False Face, and the Paradox of Frame

paradox of frame
How does Buddhism relate to dating? While you refine your persona, you must put on a “false face”… Yet as you do you deceive yourself, as much as others.

I was talking to a coaching client of mine the other day. He expressed to me how badly he wanted to be a “seduction machine” and that he was willing to do anything to reach that level.

I smiled. His enthusiasm and drive was uplifting. Also, he was willing to pay good money for probably one of the most important skills a man can have in his life: the ability to connect with women emotionally, romantically, and sexually; that is a sign of drive if anything is.

However, progress is not so simple. Or, to put it another way, it is far simpler than you can imagine.

In his imagination, he had this grand idea of “the master seducer” – a version of himself that is everything he’s ever wanted it to be: to have a voice that sizzles women’s ears and makes their pussies tremble, to walk and move with the grace and power of a seasoned warrior, to have eyes that undress women literally and emotionally, and to have a voice that commands them as though Zeus himself demanded their obedience.

Unfortunately, this self is a mirage. Fortunately, it is also closer to you than your skin and your bones.

This is not a contradiction. Contradictions are when one thing needs to be right, and you say both are. This, instead, is a paradox: both statements are correct yet seem contradictory.

And it’s been my experience that if you are following a path of inquiry and have not yet reached a paradox, you haven’t gone far enough.

“How Can I Get to the Sex Part?”

strategic thinking
If things aren’t going right, it’s easy to stress out and panic with a girl. But to succeed with her, you must remain level headed.

This is one of the more difficult topics to write about, because it’s one hard to not have folks adopt an extreme position on. People (though surely not you, Dear Reader) read stuff on the Internet and adopt extreme positions all the time, because it’s hard to judge context from words on a screen. No tone, no subtext.

One example of this is the mantra move faster. Most men don’t move anywhere near fast enough most parts of their courtships. And pretty much every guy could stand to move faster on something. Yet not every guy takes this advice the right way. Some hear “move faster” and start to rush themselves (which you shouldn’t do).

Other men hear “move faster” and speed up parts of their courtships they already move plenty fast on, while they ignore the areas most in need of acceleration. Maybe a guy runs his interactions up to the point of the phone number exchange at a perfect speed, but then on his dates he takes way too long. So he decides to speed up his early interactions to try to get phone numbers even faster, while hardly tweaking his date speed... the end result being he messes up the part he had right, while failing to improve on the part he had wrong.

Obviously, we don’t want you doing stuff like this, where you fix what isn’t broken and leave broken what is.

So today, I want to talk about the “I’ve got to get to X!” reaction. This reaction gets into your head and pushes you to find a way to make X – whatever X is – happen as fast as possible. Often X is sex, as in, “Come on, I’ve got to kill this boring conversation before she loses interest and get this girl to sex!”

The cautionary note is going to be this: we need to get you to continue to move things forward toward sex, without having you completely hung up on trying to figure out how to make forward progress toward sex. The objective here is not to strip you of the goal of “sleep with this girl” and get you into some kind of aimless “just talk to girls and feel good” mindset. You will still have the aim of bedding girls.

Rather, the objective of this essay is to get you to realize unhelpful thoughts mid-seduction, and turn them in a more productive direction.

A Perceptive Man, a Responsive Man, a... Sensitive Man?

sensitive man
The word ‘sensitive’ has lost it’s old meaning. It now means something weak or womanly. But what it used to be was something so much more.

I think we need to reclaim the word ‘sensitive’.

The word no longer means what it’s supposed to mean.

Somewhere along the line, it grew warped, twisted. Perverted. Now, if you call a man ‘sensitive’, it’s a backhanded compliment, at best. You’re calling him a motherly nurturer. At worst, you’re saying he overreacts, is too emotional, and too womanly.

But it hasn’t always meant this. And in fact, the concept it used to describe – a concept we no longer have a perfect word for in English anymore, if we yield ‘sensitive’ completely to too-soft men and guys who think the friend zone is the surest path to sexy times – is one every man who wants to do well socially, romantically, or sexually must ultimately strive to make use of, or perpetually struggle.

The Tao of Seduction

tao of seduction
Tao is the Eastern philosophy of emptying one’s cup. It has a lot to teach about seduction… Namely, about domination of seduction, vs. submission to it.

Editor’s Note: this is our first post from Michael Chief, a long-time veteran of the seduction community. Michael kicks off today with an inner game focus, about the Tao of seduction. Please let us know if you enjoy inner game oriented articles like this in the comments below the article, and if so we’ll try to do more of them. –CA


Every seducer worth his mettle knows that great Casanova quote: “I don’t conquer, I submit.”

We know that the true power of seduction is to submit to the higher power of nature within us as opposed to trying to control nature with our own will. But that somehow paradoxically gives us greater seductive abilities, or so it seems.

Seduction is full of paradoxes like this, such as the ever-famous paradox of desire: the more we want something, the more difficult it is to obtain, and the less we want something, the easier it is to obtain. In pick-up, we translate this to mean that neediness is unattractive and that women are more attracted to us when we practice non-attachment and are genuinely not needy.

While such paradoxes can often prove to be challenging to understand, let alone understandable enough for us to use them to guide our lives, there is an ancient philosophy that gives us a tool to help us in our quest to become the best seducers and lovers we can possibly be.

That ancient philosophy is called Taoism, and the tool is called Wu Wei.

Book Review: The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi

the rational male
A review of The Rational Male, a book focused at upending fem-centric thinking in men and teaching them to think like men again.

Rollo Tomassi’s book, The Rational Male, is an amalgamation of essays from content on his own website, The Rational Male, and other dating advice forums where he frequently contributes. I came across this book by chance on Amazon and found the content interesting enough to warrant a look.

This series of writings tunes men in to the dynamics of the human sexual marketplace through an exploration of human behavioral and evolutionary psychology, and demonstrates how such concepts show up culturally and politically. Tomassi’s intent is to educate the average man about his sexual potential, options, leverage, and strategies in his general relationship with women while exploring women’s sexual strategies, relationship strategies, and social conventions that we see commonplace today. Rollo summarizes this himself near the end of his book:

My intent with all this is to illustrate how the reality in which we find things ‘normal’ is rendered by fem-centric influence. Across ethnicities, and encompassing all manner of social diversity, this influence is so insaturated into our culture, laws, media, entertainment, from our collective social consciousness to our individual psyches that we simply take it for granted as the operative framework in which we live. I realize this is a tough pill to swallow, because male imperative does in fact intersect with female imperative depending on mutual goals. However, the point is that of operative framework, the reality we function in, is primarily defined by the feminine.

– p. 266

The now well-known men’s self improvement community, which includes the “manosphere,” consists of many trains of thought and communities devoted to understanding the masculine-feminine dynamic. Rollo’s background consists of what he terms a “rock-star” 20s that led to pursuing a university degree in behaviorism psychology at age 32. This, coupled with his intense life experience and his near decade use of forums as a testing ground for ideas on sexual dynamics and attracting women, led him to be a critical author in the manosphere and men’s rights community.

This book is based on many psychological concepts, and also ventures deep into the darker elements of the masculine-feminine dynamic and human sexuality. I caution readers toward its content and suggest reading with a curious mind. I consider Rollo’s book more appropriate for intermediates looking to advance their skill set to the next level in their relationship with women, as it is critical to develop healthy mindsets about women and sexuality in order to use that power responsibility.

Power is power, and we have a responsibility as men to use it ethically – as seen in the core philosophies of Girls Chase, we always practice from a mindset of love and adventure, never from one of hate, revenge, or negativity. However, for many men who find this community on their own, they see a world that bitterly challenges deeply rooted beliefs. From the book:

Game was a wondrous tool set of skills, but without the insight or foresight to deal with what these tools could build, it was potentially like giving children dynamite.

– p. 113

With that in mind, let’s explore.

What Do You Do If You're Caught Lying

caught lying
Not that you should lie. But if you do lie, you’d better be able to handle it when you get caught.

“I’m going to visit a friend of mine one of the days I’m here,” I say to her.

“Oh? Which friend is that?”

“My programmer buddy; we met last time I was in the city.”

“Okay, when are you going to see him?”

I tell her that I’ll be meeting him later in the evening for a beer.

Except I’m not meeting with my programmer friend that day (yes, there is a programmer friend, and I did plan on meeting up with him, too. Just not that day).

My plan is to meet another girl. I met my girlfriend first, but I spent much more time with the other girl before my gal and I eventually saw each other and slept together. This other chick had a boyfriend at the time, and even though we didn’t sleep together – and we still haven’t – she is one of those girls that I’m perfectly content spending time with, even if sex isn’t involved.

Oh, and she has the same name as my girlfriend. Poetic, right?

I explained my plans because the express reason for my visit is to see my gal before I move to a new city. Also because I care about her. I just didn’t see the need to tell her that I was going to see another woman.

A few hours pass by, my girlfriend and I walk around a mall together, grab coffee, and work on some projects. Then, as we’re eating lunch, she asks me again about the friend I’m supposed to meet that night. As she asks, I see her eyes narrow and her focus intensify.

In that moment, I realize she’s caught me. I have an obsessive dedication to the truth, even when it hurts, so I freeze as the moral equations continue from when I earlier decided to not tell her the whole truth.

Of course, if you’re trying to get away with a lie, freezing up is the worst thing you can do.

A Few Cautionary Notes about Dating Religious Girls

dating religious girls
Should you date a religious girl? While you burn with passion, “How do I get to sex?” may be all on your mind. Yet there’s more at stake here – for you and her.

This article isn’t going to discuss the “how-to” part of dating religious girls, which Colt has already covered in a separate article. In this article, we’re going to discuss the outcomes of those sorts of relationships (religious girl with non-religious man) and some things to consider when pursuing them. I’m going to use Muslim girls as our example for this article, since here in Western Europe they’re the most devout women you will encounter, and you will face your greatest challenges and risks to both your and her characters and futures dealing with such deep convictions and whether and how to deal with them.

It’s easy to find yourself dating a religious girl and get into that one-track mind: “How do I get this girl into bed?” We see plenty of guys comment on Girls Chase asking this question. What I aim to address here is not the “how” part, but the “what happens if you do” part. Because in your rush to bed such a girl, you can have some pretty big ripple effects – both on her life, identity, and family relationships, and on how you ultimately see yourself and the trajectory your life is on.

Religious differences are a potential source of major arguments that can lead to breakups; or, to the reverse, of finding yourself on a one-way trip to wedding bells, even if all you intended at the outset was a quick fling. Therefore, if you before you engage in a relationship with a religious (especially Muslim!) girl, you should know the likely outcomes beforehand.

Mixing a religious girl with a non-religious man can be a dangerous route to take, especially for the girl, so as a man who is learning about relationships and who is willing to be the leader, your duty includes taking care of the consequences of your actions... So it is a good idea to be informed.

How to Get Comfortable with Female Sexuality

female sexuality
One of the big struggles for men who are waking up on women is getting comfortable with female sexuality. How do you do it?

One of the more challenging mental hurdles for the active dater can be overcoming his feelings about female sexuality. This is most true for men who’ve grown up bombarded with messages about female purity, chastity, and the like.

Even in our present society, with ‘slut walks’, Femen, rape culture, and Sex and the City, men still grow up confused with female sexuality. On the one hand, men are told women have the right to sexual liberation without judgment from men. On the other hand, if a man talks to any individual woman and broaches the subject of sexuality, she’ll often react with disgust and offense and tell him no, of course she doesn’t do that or isn’t into this.

This leads lots of men to an, ”Oh, that’s just TV,” mentality, where women behave sexually liberal on TV and in the movies, yet sexually chaste in real life.

Some part of most guys knows that there’s some kind of deception going on here; either the TV is lying and women are all chaste angels, or women themselves are lying and they’re not (and he just isn’t in on the action).

Yet a guy can go his whole life without ever pulling the tarp back on this sexual misdirection... Until he starts to succeed more with girls.

And then, everything changes.