In the ongoing sexual arms race between men and women, the strategies for securing the highest caliber mates the most reliably are under constant evolutionary pressures. What that means for you is that as women get more accustomed to a certain kind of approach, that approach stops working, and certain other approaches must come to the fore.
Of course, as everyone knows, there’s nothing new under the sun, and
just as what was new becomes old, what was old becomes new, in the
ever-repeating cycle of life and love.
So it may surprise you to find out that, while the mantra of this site has been “move fast” since its date of conception, the times have changed, and in order to keep up with those changing times, we’re changing our tune too.
Because, you see, moving fast is so 2000s.
These days, moving fast is the old moving slow... and moving slow is the new moving fast.
Protracted Courtship is In
In a time where casual sex is the order du jour and we have the mainstream news outlets, voices all over social media, and politically correct sentiment everywhere you turn beating the drum of female empowerment to do whatever (and whomever) they like, you might be forgiven for thinking that moving fast is every bit the great advice it always used to be.
After all, we have a field reports board here that’s just filled to the brim with guys sleeping with all manner of girls largely off of moving fast.
And to be sure, moving faster with women worked... for a while.
But around the edges of society, a cultural change has begun to set in.
Just as popped collars, Tae Bo, Y2K, and Ja Rule all saw surges in feverish popularity followed by a gentle fade away into clichéd pop culture obscurity, so too has the culture of horny women going after fast sex with dominant men reached its peak, and now commenced to lose its luster.
All across the West, women are opting to behave more conservatively, turn down offers of hot, steamy, illicit liaisons with sensual men, and instead have begun to long for the comfort and security of a traditional long-term relationship en masse.
It’s no longer a worldly, adventurous, swashbuckling lover they spend their nights tossing and turning over, wishing for and desiring.
It’s a stolid, stable, and reliable man who will never leave their sides.
And the way you show a girl you are this kind of man is not by moving fast... it is by moving slow.
Women are Looking for Good Men
In case you haven’t noticed the sea change going on, all you have to do is listen to any woman in your social circle over the age of 27, or any girl on just about any news site or blog online. The questions are all the same: where have all the good men gone?
Where indeed? This is not a
In The Red Queen, Matt Ridley discusses the proportion of “players” (we’ll call these “cads”) and the proportion of “good fathers” (let’s call them “dads”) any given society can sustain in order to maintain its delicate equilibrium of genetic donors and reliable providers to raise the next generations. When the number of males competing for women along the dad role increases and the number of cads decreases, supply and demand states that the cads – with their sexiness and desirability – should become even more desired, and find even more success in mating.
Yet, when every male becomes a cad and not enough men take on the dad role, men willing to slow down and provide for a woman and give her a good life become MUCH rarer, more desirable, and more in-demand.
As men have adopted bad boy traits more and more and become players who flat out refuse commitment to women, or retreated from women entirely into the worlds of pornography addiction and video games, women have suddenly found themselves lonely and wondering, “Where have all the dads gone?”
And now, as dictated by the law of supply and demand, the tides have started to shift.
Ground Rules for Taking It Slow
Of course, to take it slow, you’re going to have to throw out a lot of that old programming that used to work so well with girls.
Here’s how we’re doing it these days, in 2014:
Make it clear from the get-go that you’re in for the long haul. Now, that doesn’t mean you place yourself in the friend zone – there’s an ocean of difference between behaving like you’re only interested in her platonically, and courting her for a serious commitment. But it does mean you drop hints that, while you do find her attractive, you are not in it for something speedy or short-term. If she’s going to open herself up to you, she needs to know that you are going to stick around.
Always show her you’re a gentleman. Goes without saying, obviously. She’s not going to hang about like it’s 2003 if you’re acting like an impassive playboy these days... women are wise to that act, and it fools them no longer. Sincere care and concern are the order of the two-thousand-teens.
Surprise her with an unexpected gift. Nothing says “I’m here to take care of you” like a gift she wasn’t expecting on an occasion she wasn’t expecting it on. Now, that doesn’t mean you go out and buy her some piece of jewelry just because you saw her admiring it in the shop window and decided you’d get her just that. No, if you do that, it comes across like supplication and as though you’re trying to please her. Instead, it’s got to be a gift idea that you came up with – but one you’ll know she likes. Put on your empathy cap and get into her shoes, and buy her something that will really wow her.
Don’t get too physical too fast. A gentleman is never in a hurry, after all, and you do not want to seem like all those “move fast” guys who are trying to sleep with her quick, and who imply by their actions they think she might not wait around for them. If you’re truly confident in yourself, you’ll know she’s going to be willing to wait for you – and any girl who doesn’t isn’t worth your while.
If she proposes sex, politely decline. Remember all that talk about the importance of hitting escalation windows, and attraction’s expiration date? Chuck it to the curb, it no longer applies. Women these days are looking for signs you want them for more than sex, and nothing says, “I value you as a potential long-term partner by my side from here to eternity,” like telling her, “I can wait – we have the entire rest of our lives to do that.”
Just keep this rule of thumb in mind: women are going to try to move things faster to test you and see if you’re a player – you must slow them down and DEMONSTRATE you are not.
If you get too excited and jump at the first bone she throws your way, that reactiveness will most likely be the end of your courtship, and then you’re right back to square one all over again, waiting for more introductions to more lasses or the next town ball.
Slow and Steady Wins the Race
You might feel confused if you’ve only just been jumping onto the “move faster” bandwagon recently, but there’s no need to feel bad about that – by the time most regular folk are jumping onto a bandwagon, that bandwagon’s already past its prime.
Pulling out your “turtle game”, as we’ve been calling it on the forum lately, is the absolute cutting edge of girl-getting, and if you’re wielding it well you will clean up with women.
Just bear in mind that oft-repeated quote of the great philosopher-king Marcus Aurelius: “The truly confident man takes a REALLY LONG TIME to get everything done.”
Couldn’t have said it better myself, Marcus.
Show these gals your true inner mettle, and pull out a little s-l-o-w game x10.
You’ll glide your way into their hearts at 5 miles an hour, and
they’ll never know what hit them.
UPDATE: This article was posted (in jest) for April Fools' Day 2014.