Why "Moving Slow" is the New Moving Fast

In the ongoing sexual arms race between men and women, the strategies for securing the highest caliber mates the most reliably are under constant evolutionary pressures. What that means for you is that as women get more accustomed to a certain kind of approach, that approach stops working, and certain other approaches must come to the fore.

Of course, as everyone knows, there’s nothing new under the sun, and just as what was new becomes old, what was old becomes new, in the ever-repeating cycle of life and love.

move slow

So it may surprise you to find out that, while the mantra of this site has been “move fast” since its date of conception, the times have changed, and in order to keep up with those changing times, we’re changing our tune too.

Because, you see, moving fast is so 2000s.

These days, moving fast is the old moving slow... and moving slow is the new moving fast.

Protracted Courtship is In

In a time where casual sex is the order du jour and we have the mainstream news outlets, voices all over social media, and politically correct sentiment everywhere you turn beating the drum of female empowerment to do whatever (and whomever) they like, you might be forgiven for thinking that moving fast is every bit the great advice it always used to be.

After all, we have a field reports board here that’s just filled to the brim with guys sleeping with all manner of girls largely off of moving fast.

And to be sure, moving faster with women worked... for a while.

But around the edges of society, a cultural change has begun to set in.

Just as popped collars, Tae Bo, Y2K, and Ja Rule all saw surges in feverish popularity followed by a gentle fade away into clichéd pop culture obscurity, so too has the culture of horny women going after fast sex with dominant men reached its peak, and now commenced to lose its luster.

All across the West, women are opting to behave more conservatively, turn down offers of hot, steamy, illicit liaisons with sensual men, and instead have begun to long for the comfort and security of a traditional long-term relationship en masse.

It’s no longer a worldly, adventurous, swashbuckling lover they spend their nights tossing and turning over, wishing for and desiring.

It’s a stolid, stable, and reliable man who will never leave their sides.

And the way you show a girl you are this kind of man is not by moving fast... it is by moving slow.

Women are Looking for Good Men

move slowIn case you haven’t noticed the sea change going on, all you have to do is listen to any woman in your social circle over the age of 27, or any girl on just about any news site or blog online. The questions are all the same: where have all the good men gone?

Where indeed? This is not a hollow question.

In The Red Queen, Matt Ridley discusses the proportion of “players” (we’ll call these “cads”) and the proportion of “good fathers” (let’s call them “dads”) any given society can sustain in order to maintain its delicate equilibrium of genetic donors and reliable providers to raise the next generations. When the number of males competing for women along the dad role increases and the number of cads decreases, supply and demand states that the cads – with their sexiness and desirability – should become even more desired, and find even more success in mating.

Yet, when every male becomes a cad and not enough men take on the dad role, men willing to slow down and provide for a woman and give her a good life become MUCH rarer, more desirable, and more in-demand.

As men have adopted bad boy traits more and more and become players who flat out refuse commitment to women, or retreated from women entirely into the worlds of pornography addiction and video games, women have suddenly found themselves lonely and wondering, “Where have all the dads gone?”

And now, as dictated by the law of supply and demand, the tides have started to shift.

Ground Rules for Taking It Slow

Of course, to take it slow, you’re going to have to throw out a lot of that old programming that used to work so well with girls.

Here’s how we’re doing it these days, in 2014:

  1. Make it clear from the get-go that you’re in for the long haul. Now, that doesn’t mean you place yourself in the friend zone – there’s an ocean of difference between behaving like you’re only interested in her platonically, and courting her for a serious commitment. But it does mean you drop hints that, while you do find her attractive, you are not in it for something speedy or short-term. If she’s going to open herself up to you, she needs to know that you are going to stick around.

  2. Always show her you’re a gentleman. Goes without saying, obviously. She’s not going to hang about like it’s 2003 if you’re acting like an impassive playboy these days... women are wise to that act, and it fools them no longer. Sincere care and concern are the order of the two-thousand-teens.

  3. Surprise her with an unexpected gift. Nothing says “I’m here to take care of you” like a gift she wasn’t expecting on an occasion she wasn’t expecting it on. Now, that doesn’t mean you go out and buy her some piece of jewelry just because you saw her admiring it in the shop window and decided you’d get her just that. No, if you do that, it comes across like supplication and as though you’re trying to please her. Instead, it’s got to be a gift idea that you came up with – but one you’ll know she likes. Put on your empathy cap and get into her shoes, and buy her something that will really wow her.

  4. Don’t get too physical too fast. A gentleman is never in a hurry, after all, and you do not want to seem like all those “move fast” guys who are trying to sleep with her quick, and who imply by their actions they think she might not wait around for them. If you’re truly confident in yourself, you’ll know she’s going to be willing to wait for you – and any girl who doesn’t isn’t worth your while.

  5. If she proposes sex, politely decline. Remember all that talk about the importance of hitting escalation windows, and attraction’s expiration date? Chuck it to the curb, it no longer applies. Women these days are looking for signs you want them for more than sex, and nothing says, “I value you as a potential long-term partner by my side from here to eternity,” like telling her, “I can wait – we have the entire rest of our lives to do that.”

Just keep this rule of thumb in mind: women are going to try to move things faster to test you and see if you’re a player – you must slow them down and DEMONSTRATE you are not.

If you get too excited and jump at the first bone she throws your way, that reactiveness will most likely be the end of your courtship, and then you’re right back to square one all over again, waiting for more introductions to more lasses or the next town ball.

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

You might feel confused if you’ve only just been jumping onto the “move faster” bandwagon recently, but there’s no need to feel bad about that – by the time most regular folk are jumping onto a bandwagon, that bandwagon’s already past its prime.

Pulling out your “turtle game”, as we’ve been calling it on the forum lately, is the absolute cutting edge of girl-getting, and if you’re wielding it well you will clean up with women.

move slow

Just bear in mind that oft-repeated quote of the great philosopher-king Marcus Aurelius: “The truly confident man takes a REALLY LONG TIME to get everything done.”

Couldn’t have said it better myself, Marcus.

Show these gals your true inner mettle, and pull out a little s-l-o-w game x10.

You’ll glide your way into their hearts at 5 miles an hour, and they’ll never know what hit them.


UPDATE: This article was posted (in jest) for April Fools' Day 2014.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.


Get Your FREE eBook on Texting Girls

how to text girls pdf

Sign up for our email insights series and get a copy of our popular ebook "How to Text Girls" FREE. Learn more ...

Related Articles from GirlsChase.com


Anonymous's picture

april fools......?

Anonymous's picture

I think chase has been sleeping with too many. women and they finally got to him!

David Riley's picture

Chase really had me going for a second myself guys.

Anonymous's picture

If there's anyone that knows about moving slow, it's me. Haha!

In my case, oftentimes too slow.

I'd be definitely interested in future articles, such as how many dates you should go on before trying to to have sex with her, if you should still disqualify yourself as a boyfriend (or if you should instead only have being a stable man in her life in mind), how this affects the landscape of online dating, and so on and so forth. On the surface, this sounds like quite a game-changer.

Thanks and keep up the good work!

Scottblues's picture

Trolling in the deep

Anonymous's picture

You had me right up until about the third heading.

Well done Chase

ohh's picture

Great, now I will have to unlearn every... Ohhhhh :-D

Oskar's picture



David22's picture

Hahaha, I've been so slow and lazy with girls lately. It feels like a mockery aimed right at me. Spring break is near and I'm going to go for an Fwb at blazing speed. Sometimes it takes something like this to get my gears going at get me out there.

uForia's picture

That nobody celebrated April 1st. But now that your post somewhat represents this, I am very glad at least someone out there cares. Thanks for this extremely insightful article Chase.

refine's picture

Hey Chase, interesting article..I've been studying your article for a while specially on being attractive...but would like to ask if some article still apply to using slow game? such as:

Sprezzatura & Effortlessness
The Conversationalist
Why You Don't Want to Be Her Perfect Man
The Byronic Man
Simplify Your Dates

however, the only thing i am concern here... is how do you balance slow game without ending up as the person from
The Sad Tale of "Shopping Guy"? because attraction has an expiration date.

Im kinda familiar with slow game but being inexperienced.. its always a hit or miss on certain girls in the past.....slow game just feels more natural though. Not being into zodiacs....but im a Libra guy so this slow game works with me..but i digress..

thanks Chase

subzz123's picture

the post is a April fool special..so laugh it out loud :P

refine's picture

yup... this article fooled me good in deep.. because two nights a ago i met this chick... and did everything i listed on my last comment......except for one thing.... *move fast*... i failed to get her number despite her showing interest. (Analysis paralysis)

trust me...after that experience, reading this article made me gullible to believe in false hope from that mistake :P .....but hey...i remembered it was social circle with strong social proof from her friends. I still got room to play and experiment....just need to think and move fast!

Ash's picture

Holy son of a beeeach! When I saw the title to the post, it felt like something deep inside me was crushed. I still haven't approached much girls and getting the mind set to "move fast" took me some time to understand it and believe it. Reading this just made all that go away instantly. I can't believe i fell for April's fools. Damn you Chase!!!!!

Jak's picture

Hahaha I knew this was April Fools the moment I opened it, and saw how short the article was...I've read your stuff long enough to know that your a man that doesn't do things in halves.

For a future article, have you considered writing about things/works that have influenced you. I can't remember if it was on this site that Dale Carnegie was mentioned. I think it would be good to point out things that have influenced you so your readers could learn even more e.g. there are tons of Body Language books out here, going even deeper than some of the stuff you go into. Anyway, just something I was thinking about.

Take care!

Anonymous's picture

Good one Chase! lol

Whizzy's picture

How much fun did you have writing this Chase!?

Anonymous's picture

I was just about to post a comparison of advantages of moving fast than slow after the shock of reading this but I realized it`s 1st Aprl

Anonymous's picture

Didn't have the best day today. But just as I was about to hit the bed I thought: "Not sleepy enough. Must read something to think about while trying to fall asleep!"
I'm kind of slow so it hit me about the half way through. I just burst out laughing.
Thanks, Chase!

Anonymous's picture

*Waiting for an update saying "April Fools"*

Flames's picture

I was hoping to be The FIRST to congratulate you. On your excellent DATE advice.

I also have a new squeeze called APRIL

I hope there's more of this on the way :)


Anonymous's picture

Oh God! My head was spinning and I felt like everything I've worked at has become useless and it was all just taken away so quickly! I should have expected something like this too, but I guess that's what happens when I let my guard down and don't pay attention. This article is extremely convincing too with the amount of support you use and the way you make your points. Stellar article, Chase, you got me good.

Draco's picture

It really got me good. Well played, Chase.

Anonymous's picture

Given yesterday's Rolling Stone article (http://www.rollingstone.com/feature/millennial-sexual-revolution-relatio...), you almost had me with the "mainstream news outlets" line. Cads, dads, and supply and demand - ha!

Let`s pretend Marcus actually said that and take on his advice if wanting to slow game our first cousin over several years growing up, eventually leading to just one son outliving us... Look at those strong genes! Great guy for us to look up to...

Anonymous's picture

I've got to agree with you. There's definitely a noticeable void when it comes to men who will commit to taking care of woman, and I'm glad you put this perspective out there. But do you think this is relative to the environment? Night game vs day game. Young (late teens, early 20's) vs. mature (late 20's) women. Are you suggesting that this new paradigm shift will have an effect on younger women and women in the club/bar scene?

The Red Queen, good book, but I think you have more insight into the human mating game than the author, whose theories are brilliant, but lacks the deep insight you have.

Since the man who wants to commit to take care of a woman is so rare, and let's just say hypothetically that this new man is moderately to very successful, is attractive and skilled with women, there might be ten attractive females for every one of these new men around. Maybe more, maybe less. This new man obviously has his choice with women, as well as most of the power in the relationship. Do you think polygamy in cards for this new man?

I would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks for sharing your insight with everyone Chase.

Troy's picture

Happy April Fool's Day Everyone!

Since today is april's fool day, i wont say this article is the real deal (not being offensive, just saying because i am the real prank master so lets wait until tomorrow before i conclude anything if this is a prank and a test to all the readers and lets see if this will just catch some people saying 'YES! Chase! I believe you when in fact a few weeks or minutes ago they believed in the 'Move Faster' Ritual.

But... if this is true, then i have a ton of questions to ask. I've noticed something on here with most comments that the majority of readers ALWAYS WITHOUT FAIL AGREE TO EVERYTHING WRITTEN HERE even the inexperienced guys. I certainly am inexperienced but there are a few things that i can agree for sure with ...but some of he inexperienced here just say they agree when in fact they have no reference points and they haven't tested the advice. Readers i urge you to re-read 'real empiricists test article' before coming to conclusions because that will make you indecisive and wisshy washy thus not having a mind of your own and whatever someone says you just agree because.....what?

Im not fighting anyone on here; im just talking about what i have noticed and im wondering why this continues. Sure it's great to continually follow the main stream of persons here and say YES CHASE Great article, but do you even have a slight clue as to if it works or not? Chase and the other writers is not your pastor/god so check it before you lose yourself!
Anyone reading this just dont take this as an attack or disagree to you. Also i should say, why does almost every guy on here start with a compliment first then a request for help with something? What is the fine line between pushing it too far and supplicating with mushy compliments; compared to being too raw and unempathy thinking?

Question: Why do men do this?

Finally all i can say is that if this was a prank then 90% of the readers here would agree with this RIGHT NOW. HA HA


Anonymous's picture

Well played Chase! I actually almost brought it until I realized what day today was.

Anonymous's picture

...you got me good right there. I still can't believe I fell for this. I just cracked up at the long haul part, well done Chase!


Daniel S's picture

I had forgot it was april fools day! Good one Chase. I read the whole article thinking, "So, women don't want sex anymore? This can't be right!".

I've been reading for a while and I don't think I've ever said it, but thank you so much for your articles, they're amazing! :)


Enrique 's picture

But I do see where you going with this. But how do we practice with girls now????????????????????????????????////

Anonymous's picture

Lol, nice one. My emotions went from being outraged to feeling like a jackass, well played good lad.

Anonymous's picture

Written by a woman for sure.

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase,

So I just got back from a first date with a woman I met speed dating about a week and a half ago.

We had a good 3 minute conversation on the night and then subsequently exchanged messages online and arranged an after work date. We went for a drink at a bar/restaurant, where we also had some food. Then moved on to another bar for a drink. We split the bill on the food/first drink and I bought the second round of drinks in the other bar. I'd say the whole date was at most 2.5-3 hours long and it emerged she's six years older than me (this is fine by me).

I felt there was plenty of chemistry, she was self derogatory about some elements of her appearance (which were untrue observations) so I used these as an opportunity to compliment her. I also touched/stroked her arm and back and she did not pull away. I wondered if things would escalate to a kiss at the end of the night and was prepared to react accordingly, but I walked her to the station and just got a hug and a peck on the cheek. I started to say "So.." and she said "meet up again?", to which I said yes, but added I would be busy the rest of the week and weekend but could meet in the following week.

I have not followed up with a text or any contact yet, so we haven't arranged anything further right now. I'm not sure what to do next and when to get in touch - I don't know whether I should be following up quickly (ie: tonight/tomorrow) or waiting a bit.

Anonymous's picture

You suck. I was just gonna ask too... What should I do if I see a girl every now and then but am not ready to ask her out? Should I act sexy with her or just be neutral so I can escalate when I'm ready?

Anonymous's picture

Wayta beta

Alcaeus's picture

Holy Shit!

You scared the hell out of me. My skin was actually crawling with creepy crawlies as I read each bullet. I even considered that an overzealous feminist hacked the site and posted this post up.

I had the biggest sigh of relief as I skimmed the rest of the post and saw that this mantra was fictional nonsense.

But still:

That was very scary.

This April fools joke went too far ;)

Bolt's picture

Wow, that was funny! On a different note, Chase, have you ever read Dale Carnegie's How to win Friends and Influence People. Its a really good read and quite a few of the principles that I've read in your articles are very similar to themes in his book as well (things like the yes ladder and becoming a better conversationalist by focusing on others more). However, though he talks allot about day to day interactions, I wanted to know how these principles such as deep diving and focusing on others, things that both you and Carnegie advocate, apply in job interviews? I'm only a sophomore right now and all my jobs have pretty much been university jobs (no interview). You mention being fairly successful in corporate America. Any advice for having great interviews in the future (corporate America or other better jobs while in college) and finding great jobs when I get out of college? Any advice is appreciated man!

Aleph's picture

I went out with a chick this weekend who had 3 guys in her life before me, definitely on the conservative side. I guessed that she was secretly craving sexual dominance and proceeded to fuck her after 3 hours of familiarity, about my average closing time.

She started to get really possessive and looking at the names in my cell dex before I even got inside of her, and in the morning I told her I couldn't promise commitment but I would certainly inform her if I have unprotected sex with anyone else so she can make an informed decision. She thanked me for that.

So, if anything, gentlemanliness means polite familiarity leading into rough sex.

sande2jm's picture

OMG Such a good April Fools! Hats off chase :)

Knight's picture

The fact that a lot of the readership were ready to unlearn everything you have taught since 2008 until you let them know it was a joke speaks loads about the authority you have around here and your ability to write. Good one... I think I prefer this joke over last years. Crazy how fast the years have gone.

Randy Wayne Fricke, A.R.'s picture

This article is very true. There is nothing more invigorating than building anticipation with a woman. I'm a working musician (guitar player). I get hit on all the time and when I tell these women that I'm "saving myself" it drives them absolutely crazy. They don't know how to assimilate that. I've had more than once been asked: "So. What are you doing after you're done playing?" When I say: "I'm just going home and finishing off the chicken and rice dish I made earlier and watching an episode of Star Trek." God do they pull out the stops when you turn them down. And yes, I do "give in" once in awhile. I love making them work for it.

Johny Dones's picture

You got me until "If she proposes sex, politely decline." i knew something was not right :D Good one !

Danny's picture

Happy April Fool, Mr Amante.

I think you wrote a similar article exactly one yr ago (like April 1, 2013). The name of that article is "Top 7 Countries to Pick Up Women in 2013".

I can't believe you claimed that out of the 7, the #1 is Antarctica. LMAO!! Hilarious!! I bet that even if there are girls in Antarctica, they would be unwilling to undress themselves because it is too darn COLD....

Top 7 Countries to Pick Up Women in 2013

Anonymous's picture

I am a pro at this........ Dammit.

allanwho's picture

Oh my GOD, as a new subscriber, I just read 1/4th of that article thinking you were serious and was questioning your credibility...

April fools brother, jesus that scared me

Brian48's picture

For a moment I thought you had lost it. Haha!

JuLz's picture

Hahaha great post Chase thanks for giving us something for April fools!

Add new comment

The Latest from GirlsChase.com