Beautiful women – they are the desire of men the world over. You could look at them, talk to them, talk about them, and be in their presence until the day’s end.
Or could you? Is having a beautiful woman at your side the key to your happiness…or is there more? Today I’m going to break down the concept of beauty and what we men really need to be happy in the long term with the women in our lives.
What Do Men Want?
She and I were on our fourth date. We had already had two nights full of passion and everyone and their mother had no qualms with constantly reminding me of how lucky I was to be with a woman so beautiful. And yet…I wasn’t convinced. She was stunning; there was no doubt about that. But, my instincts were telling me that I was being led astray.
We were sitting across from each other over the stereotypical glass of wine, and she was telling me – once again – about her obsession with some show called “New Girl”. I tried to move the topic to self-development, then books, then world issues, then her childhood. And each time, the conversation thread ended back up at television and celebrity gossip.
I deeply gazed at this marvelous face, my chin softly in my palm, and thought: “This girl sucks.”
I didn’t care how beautiful she was. I didn’t care if she was the most attractive girl I had dated until that point. I just wanted to go home and read a book.
It was a strange and disillusioning feeling. I thought that the dream was to get a stunning woman? Or maybe that was just society tricking me again – but, maybe not. Either way, I made sure that that was the last date the two of us would ever share.
After this whole experience – and the absolute puzzlement of all of my guy friends – I really got to thinking: what is it that men want? Do we just want a hot girl? Well, if my experience resonates with anyone else out there, perhaps the answer isn’t so simple.
I Ain’t Sayin’ She’s a Gold Digger
I’m not sure if there’s something floating around in the air or if it’s the fact that we’re coming right off the heels of Valentine’s Day, but I’ve seen conversations and articles popping up left and right about the same topic: gold diggers. I guess having all of your attention focused on a holiday that surrounds women and exorbitant spending will do that.
But the gospel that I always hear ringing through the hills is “I would never marry a gold digger. I would never marry a woman who only wanted me for my money.”
These statements seem obvious on the surface. But I think it takes a little bit of unpacking. Here is a question for you, dear reader. When a guy starts bragging about a girl that he recently hooked up with, what are the first words that come out of his mouth? Something along the lines of “You should’ve seen that girl I hooked up with – she was so hot!”
That’s because there is one marker for sexual attraction in the minds of men: a woman’s physical appearance. That’s it. If you think a girl is physically beautiful (i.e., she has a symmetrical face and a .7 hip-to-waist ratio, both markers of genetic health) you will go to the ends of the earth to become her lover. You care little for her personality, her past, or any other irrelevant details. Vice versa, if you can really relate to a girl, but don’t find her sexually appealing at all, you may be fond of her as a friend, but you won’t go out of your way for her (nor would you brag to your friends).
And this reasoning is exactly why men build up resources. They get prestigious jobs and try to make truckloads of money mostly for one reason: to attract women. And from a biological standpoint, accumulating resources is attractive to women. It demonstrates that you can provide for her and a potential family and pass on the genes to children who could do the same.
Beholding More than Beauty
And from a logical standpoint, this value held by men and women would have to lead to an equivalent exchange:
- The man brings the money, strength, and security
- The woman brings the beauty and the babies
Seems logical. And yet, men don’t go for this deal. But, why not? Isn’t physical beauty what men are looking for?
Well, it is what we’re looking for…in the beginning. If you’ve ever dated a woman before (and I know most of you have), there inevitably becomes a point where you get past her physical appearance, for better or worse. If she’s average looking and you have a great connection with her, you instinctively bump up her attractiveness in your head and you find yourself very content. If she’s a hot girl but is lacking in personality, she eventually becomes less attractive in your eyes and you’ll bump her down despite her looks.
And once you get past the phase of only considering a woman’s looks, you can get to the bigger picture:
Men have emotional needs as well. I know a lot of men like to think of themselves as stoic and too strong for emotional nonsense. And while we may not be as emotion-driven as our female counterparts, men definitely have emotional needs. And when looking for a long-term relationship, men want women who are caring and nurturing. This shows that she can care for the children and take care of the man when he needs respite from gathering resources.
Beauty is temporary. The exchange of money for beauty is in reality not a fair exchange. Beauty is temporary. Money is not; in fact, if you manage it correctly, you can get more and more money as time goes on. In the world of investing, you would call beauty a depreciating asset. A woman has less of it as time goes on, and she can never get it back. Money is fluid depending on your skills, but if you are skilled, it can be an appreciating asset. You can have more and more of it as time goes on. So simply exchanging beauty for money is not only imbalanced, the scales get even more uneven as time goes on.
Every once in a while Chase makes reference to short-term vs. long-term partners when women are making decisions about men. And it turns out that men do the exact same valuation.
In the short term, men want the most physically attractive option.
In the long term, men want a combination of looks and womanly charms.
Once you start thinking in the long term, and truly develop an absolute abundance mentality, you realize that beauty truly is a dime a dozen. But finding a woman who is beautiful inside and out…now that’s rare. And that’s what men are really looking for.
So what are the signs that you’ve found such a woman?
What All Truly Beautiful Women Have
1. She Has Actual Hobbies/Interests
No, binge-watching Downton Abbey is not a hobby. Regardless of whether or not a woman is attractive, do keep in mind that if you plan to spend a considerable amount of time with her, you’ll need to enjoy her company when you’re not having sex. A woman who has hobbies is a woman who takes an active role in cultivating herself and leading an interesting life – which will mean that she will keep you interested as well. And if her hobbies overlap with some of yours, then you’ve found someone who you can deeply connect with.
If a girl does any of these things, take notice:
- Rock climbing
- Reading (books and/or quality mags)
- Playing a musical instrument
I’m sure there are plenty of other things that I haven’t mentioned, but you get an idea of what I mean. If a girl is passionate about the things in her life, then that’ll translate into her having passion and interest in a sexy man – you.
2. She Has a Network of Good Family and Friends
In the 7 Key Qualities of Men Women Want I talked about how women are always wary when a man doesn’t have any friends. Well this same point applies the other way around too. If a girl has a solid network of family and friends, then chances are she is a pretty independent woman. A solid network means that she will have a life outside of you (no clinginess) and is a generally loving and sociable person.
So, if you’re looking for beautiful women for the long haul, then pay attention to her relationships and the kinds of people she surrounds herself with.
One important caveat: Watch out if she has too many male friends. Always be wary of girls who prefer the company of men. They are more likely to sleep around – not because they are malicious – but because they often have a higher sex drive and a wide pool of orbiters waiting for any possible opportunity to get her in bed.
3. She Has a Low Partner Count
With every new sexual partner a girl has, the chances of her cheating on future men increases. Moreover, I often make mention of the fact that women simply weren’t designed to have sex with droves of men. It takes a very large toll on their bodies in the long run.
Finally, women with high partner counts start running into emotional bonding issues with future men as well. Whenever a woman has sex, her body is flooded with oxytocin, which tells her to form a strong bond with the man she is copulating with in order to build a solid foundation for rearing a child. Well, when a woman has this bonding experience with 10, 15, 20, 30, (70?) men, you better believe that her ability to bond with a particular man become severely impaired.
So get excited if you encounter beautiful women with a low partner count. They will be loyal to you, and you can make them sexually liberated if you know how to be dominant in bed. And you’ll (almost) never have to question their loyalty.
4. She Has Ambition
Most women don’t have the same conquering instinct as men, but never underestimate a woman with ambition. This doesn’t have to be ambition toward the same goals that you are striving for, but ambition in her own endeavors and a general drive to keep bettering herself.
It’s an incredible feeling to have a beautiful woman by your side who is constantly inspiring you to be the best man that you can be.
Caveat: Pay attention to your life directions. Some men choose women who are on vastly different life paths than themselves. It doesn’t seem like a very important detail when bringing beautiful women into your life, but it certainly is.
Imagine you’re a man who wants to settle down in his hometown and advance his career. You then encounter two beautiful women; one is a family-oriented girl who wants to work on her art career and meet a great man to settle down with. The other is an intrepid traveler who wants to visit 35 countries by the end of the year. Yet both are equally charming, sweet, and attractive. Which one would lead to a quality relationship?
They both could be viable options in the short term, but in the long term, the second girl would probably be leaving you frustrated, or worse, vying for a long-distance relationship.
So find a girl who’s ambitious, but do pay attention to whether or not you’re on the same general life-scape that she is.
5. She is Adventurous
Most girls are open to somewhat new experiences as long as they are not too far out of their comfort zone. But truly beautiful women have a taste for and love of adventure. This doesn’t mean that you have to go skydiving or bungee jumping every time you go out, but it does mean that she’s not afraid (at least not too much) of going off the beaten path – spontaneously going on a trip with you out to the wilderness, accompanying you to a new class or workshop, having public sex, these are all activities that’ll keep the dynamic fresh and exciting.
There has been much cognitive science research that has shown that it’s in fact novel experiences that keep couples bonded together. The reason why having a new girlfriend is so exciting is just that – she’s new. You have loads of dopamine rushing to your brain and you’re imagining all of the possibilities.
But once you get used to her (i.e., go through the 2-year drop), that novelty fades away. However, you can bring it back by getting new reference points through new experiences. It’ll bring back all of those same exciting feelings that you felt in the beginning. And the more exhilarating the experience is – the better.
So hold off on the candles and wine to bring the sparks back – go cart racing or hop in a hot air balloon instead. Non-adventurous girls need not apply.
6. She is Loving
In the West, women are strongly encouraged to compete for resources in the spheres of men. They are taught to put their careers over all else and that all they need to be happy is themselves. And after years of having this idea drilled into their head, most women lose the natural tenderness that they would otherwise have toward men.
This is why I make the distinction between physically attractive women and beautiful women. Beautiful women will be kind and tender toward you; they will not be offended or ashamed of having some basic level of domestic skills; they will support you instead of compete with you.
In short, beautiful women will love you.
7. She Never Stops Being a Little Bit of a Challenge
The best relationships and marriages that I have seen all have couples who are trying to win each other over a little bit even after years of being together.
In the same way that a girl should never get so comfortable as to think that you can’t replace her, truly beautiful women know that if everything were to fall apart, they could replace you. And despite what men may say, we really do love the thrill of the chase – as long as what we’re chasing is actually attainable in our minds.
So when there’s a mutual understanding between both parties that they can’t rest on their laurels, there’s a playful and sexual back-and-forth that never really fades away and keeps the relationship healthy.
The distinction between physical attractiveness and true beauty is one that is not explored nearly often enough. But the two qualities don’t actually come hand in hand. Just like the refinements of a truly quality man, becoming a beautiful woman takes effort that goes beyond just putting on makeup in the morning.
So if you’re looking for something more substantial with women, look past how “hot” they are, and find out if you’ve got yourself one of the truly beautiful women.