Text Message Flirting


girl_texting.jpg

Texting can be a super fun way to stay in contact with a girl, and to build up rapport and interest with her prior to a date, or even to a conversation – sometimes your first conversation.

But where do you start? It can be a bit overwhelming, especially for the guys out there who traditionally have stumbled on their words around women or never know exactly what to say. That's why, in this article, I'm providing you a how-to on text messaging girls.

Let's go over some ground rules first. These are the basic rules of text message flirting – the ones you always want to be mindful of. Before we do, I want to refresh one of the fundamental rules of seduction: The Law of Least Effort.

The Law of Least Effort states simply that you never want to appear to be putting more work or have more investment in an interaction, conversation, or relationship than the woman you're having it with – because the instant you do, the tables turn, and you're chasing her. The challenge of her pursuing you and competing for you disappears, and her interest in you wanes. To prevent this from happening, it's crucial to maintain at least a balance of effort or, ideally, place yourself in the position of having her putting more effort in than you. The Law of Least Effort can be seen in most of the following basic recommendations:

  • Avoid questions in your initial text. “Hey, wanna grab a coffee today?” “Feel up for hanging out?” “Do anything last night?” All these come across as needy, for this reason: the woman receiving them instinctively knows that the man sending her these texts was sitting there thinking about her and is now asking her for something. We'll cover what questions are OK in texting a little further down

  • Keep your texts short and concise. Avoid the temptation to tell her about the four days since you last saw her in detail, and instead keep texts short and to-the-point. Long texts tell her you're putting a lot of work in – and they also ask her to put a lot of work in (reading your text). Double whammy. Keep things concise and you'll be more likely to keep her interest
  • Make your texts personal. Use her name, or, even better, nicknames for her, whenever you can. Throw in call-back humor or an inside joke the two of you have when possible. Most people dislike receiving mass texts – they feel impersonal and as if the person sending them just didn't bother to take the time to write a personal message. Instead, when you use names, nicknames, and call-back humor, what you're doing is recalling the connection the two of you have to her mind, and making her feel more warm and positive toward you
  • Be cool – not crazy. I see a lot of men going the crazy / entertainer route in their texting to girls, e.g. “OMG! Just had this homeless dude walk up to me, stare at me like he wanted to kick my ass, then shout in my face like a madman! Get me outta here!” Stay away from this. Women may laugh when a guy acts like a clown, but their panties stay dry. They can tell he's looking for laughs – and when a guy is seeking a reaction, it's a turnoff. It's far better to be fun, chill, interesting, and intriguing than it is to be over-the-top, outlandish, and hilarious. Err on the side of subtlety and you'll do swell

~~~~~~~~~~~

OK! That's Texting 101 for you. And now that those basics are out of the way, how about we delve into some slightly more advanced stuff, shall we? Let's take a look at some of the right ways to text the women in your life and get results.

Intrigue

Rather than go the outright attention seeker route of coming out and telling a girl blatantly about some crazy thing that happened to you, use a little intrigue to make her curious and get her to ask. So let's say you just found a twenty dollar bill on the ground and you want to use that to text a girl you've just met. Here's a wrong way and a right way of going about it.

Wrong Way:

“Whoa, just walked outside and found $20. Must be my lucky day.”

This guy did a lot of things right. He was concise, he was interesting, and he avoided asking any needy questions on the initial text. But he made a more subtle mistake: he's seeking a reaction, and that's obvious. He's not saying this just to make conversation – he's saying it to get the girl he's texting to say, “Wow, that's awesome!” That costs him, but he might not even notice it because it's so subtle. Additionally, he failed to make the message personal – it ends up feeling like it's all about him; he just wants to tell other people about himself. For all this girl knows, he sent out a mass text and won't even notice if she doesn't reply.

Here's the Right Way:

“Finding money in the strangest places today. How's your day going, missy – lucky as mine?”

Again, concise and interesting, although a question was used. I'll show why that's OK just after this paragraph. For the moment, focus on the intrigue he generated, and the way he generated it. First, he makes it clear that something unusual has happened – he's found money in a strange place. But he doesn't say where. The girl getting this text is going to think to herself, “Hmm, I wonder where?” and will probably ask him about it. This engages her curiosity and makes her want to write back far more effectively than in our other example. Furthermore, our guy made the message personal, by asking her how her day is going and including a nickname. He also makes her think about him again by asking her if her day is as lucky as his. This will make her compare the two of them together – it's effectively a “we” statement (covered below, after we discuss questions), and gets her thinking of him and her as an item, or a potential item.

Our second message here is a lot more likely to get a response than the first.

Questions

Typically, you'll hear me tell you two things about using questions in text messaging: first, don't use questions in the initial text of a new text conversation with a girl, because you make it feel like the only reason you're contacting her is because you want something; and second, don't ask more questions than you're being asked, or else it seems like you're trying too hard to force rapport.

But, there are exceptions, and here they are: you can use questions to expressinterest in an initial text that might otherwise be too impersonal, and you use questions to build excitement and intrigue in a text conversation that is building up steam.

Here are some wrong and right ways to use questions in text message flirting.

Wrong Way:

“How's your day going?”

It's boring, and it seems like the sender is trying to force rapport. It also implies that he had nothing better to do than start up a conversation with someone who isn't even around where he is. That's OK – maybe – if they've been seeing each other a little while; even then, pretty borderline, just because it's such an inane text. But especially if she's a girl he's just met, he might as well send her a text saying, “FYI, I have no conversation. Thought you might like to know.” Avoid at all costs.

“Hi Crissy. Is today a good day to meet up?”

Well, at least he used her name. But this is all wrong. He builds no suspense, intrigue, or excitement about the meet up, and leaves everything completely in her hands. 95% of the women who receive this text are going to ignore it or reply back that today is NOT a good day. There's nothing in that text message to make them want to meet up with this guy – they only way they will is if they're already really into him and have already decided that they definitely want to see him. Even then, this text is so terrible they might have reason to rethink that decision! Stay away from this too.

“Wow, I can't stop thinking about how good that dinner we had last night was. How about you?”

Better. At least, it's better than our other two Wrong Way examples here. It's more interesting, and gives the girl more incentive to reply. It's personal too, because the guy here is referencing something they did together. But it's still not very good, because it still comes off as him trying to force rapport, at least a little bit.

Right Way:

“Hi Crissy. How's my favorite bandicoot enthusiast? I was thinking about getting into chinchillas, just to ruffle your feathers.”

It's clever, it's funny (but not in a goofy, over-the-top way), and it uses a question to make the message feel more personal. It references some kind of call-back humor; we assume that the two of them were joking around before about something relating to Crissy and bandicoots (small, furry rodents). Because the question is sandwiched between two statements, the text neither begins nor ends in a question, and that also lessens the feeling of rapport-seeking while allowing the personal touch to remain.

“Getting some cravings, sugar, and they have to do with you. I'm in the mood for ice cream – thinking we should get some, pronto. How's your schedule?”

This message starts off with something that sounds very suggestive – cravings that have to do with her – then transitions into something innocent: him and her getting some ice cream together. She's almost guaranteed to smile at this one – he's going to have her thinking about him hard, and she may very well reply with a playful, suggestive message of her own. He also uses “pronto” to throw a sense of urgency in there – a very good thing for two reasons: 1) it makes her feel like he really wants to see her, but also that he is telling her he does rather than askingher for her permission to see him, like most men do, and 2) it makes her feel social pressure to meet him sooner, rather than put it off like she may be inclined to do with a less interesting / demanding man.

“We”

The more “we” statements you use, the more things you talk about the two of you doing together, and the more you paint situations where the two of you are doing something jointly, the more you create a feeling of “us as a couple” in her subconscious. She hears it enough from you and she'll believe it herself – so long as it's an idea she accepts and welcomes (no amount of “we” statements in the world will make a girl feel close to a guy she doesn't like at some level!). Another great way of doing this is using “us vs. the world” – a sound way of making her feel like it's the two of you in something together.

I'm not going to use a Wrong Way example here, because there's almost no wrong way to use “we” statements (aside from using them too early or too often, and making it feel like you're trying to force rapport). So here are a few Right Way examples (in addition to some of the ones listed earlier):

“Better get your stuff together, five-o is coming for us and they mean business. You rob another burrito joint or something? I can't leave you alone for five minutes, troublemaker.”

“Us vs. Them”, a cute little joke at her expense (nothing harsh), and the implication that he's got to keep an eye on her, and she's trouble – he's making her feel naughty (the next thing we cover).

“Virtual smile and wink for last night. We make a good team.”

Whatever last night entailed – whether it was food, conversation, drinks, or intimacy – this cool little text reminds her of the time you spent together and makes her feel closer to you.

Naughty

Making a girl feel naughty around you is exciting for her, and freeing. Most women, no matter how they act or what they tell you, feel constrained and judged by society and the men and women in their lives. When they meet a man who can joke around with them about being naughty and not get worked up, judgmental, or on a crusade, it's refreshing, and lets them relax around you – and see you as a man they can become intimate with all the more readily.

Wrong Way:

“Hey, dirty girl. Was just thinking about you – in panties. What do you say we hang soon?”

This is kind of alright, but it risks going into the territory of making her feel promiscuous – not something you want to do with a girl, especially if you want her to get intimate with you faster. If a man makes a woman feel promiscuous, she'll start pulling away from him.

Making a girl feel slutty is a cardinal sin of naughty texting – unless you can tell she gets off on it (some girls find being called slutty a turn-on). Otherwise, steer clear and stick to naughty.

Right Way:

“Just found this old bottle of white zinfandel in my fridge and no one to share it with. Want to help me polish it off? …but only if you promise to behave...”

This is great. It sets up the scenario – drinking wine together, something people typically do prior to sex – then goes on to reinforce that idea by telling her to behave. The guy here is placing the girl into the chasing position as well, by implying that she's the one who will need to behave. Women find this kind of teasing witty and fun, since it's typically the men who are chasing them, and they also find it exciting. When you say things like this, it triggers little switches in women's subconscious that say, “He's hard to get. And I must be chasing after him – because he says I am. Which means I must like him a lot.” If she does like you, this only confirms what she was feeling – and escalates it.

Another thing to note here, especially for text message beginners, is the use of punctuation. Note that the “...” implies a thought that's kind of trailed off and has been left unfinished, as if there is more to say. Had the text ended with a simple period, it would be an abrupt ending to the statement and have an entirely different “feel” (and meaning).

~~~~~~~~~~~

Before wrapping this post up, I want to add a few more tips for good measure.

  1. Don't be the funny man – be the intriguing one. If you send a witty text, like the one to bandicoot girl about how you're going to get into chinchillas,immediately get serious after that. Sending one funny text after another gets a guy slotted firmly into “comedian” territory. Sending one funny text, then getting real and having some real conversation, gets a guy into “interesting” territory.

  1. Use texting to get her on the phone or in person. Some guys use texting to set up dates, and you certainly can. It's becoming more acceptable. I'm still a big advocate of phone conversation, though. If you are halfway decent on the phone, getting girls on the line with you will only help your cause. Use texting to facilitate – if she enjoys texting with you, she'll want to talk to you. It's important to focus on getting girls on the phone and in person – you can't get to know her via words on a screen. And you can't touch her through your cell. Get her in-person – that's the objective.

So that's that. Use these tips to take your text message flirting to a higher level, and start getting some of the results from texting that you've always wanted. And check out "How to Text a Girl" for our most advanced, highly comprehensive post on everything you want to know about building rapport and getting women on dates via text message. It's a wonderful medium – you deserve to use it to the fullest!

'Til next time.

Ciao,
Chase Amante


UPDATE: This post was written in April 2010, and while the information in it then was pretty good, it's a bit dated now, as the way people use technology's changed and evolved. These days, we recommend using your texting solely for handling logistics, and proposing the date before you ever ask for the phone number. You can read the most current, cutting edge stuff on texting right here: How to Text Girls: 20 More Tips and Techniques.

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Comments

Anonymous's picture

I like the articles you


I like the articles you write. They are interesting and I feel you might have the game down for older women. I'm 21 and younger girls text more often than when they're a bit older. I also feel like intellect is wasted on younger girls. Your sample texts are good, but I don't know if theyd fly with someone under say 24-25. I often find younger girls appreciate simple humor and a complex intellect. Over the head and complex jokes, I feel, can make a girl (not woman) insecure. If she can't hang with you socially, you have nothing. When she prys open your brain an your intellect shows, I feel it's more of a turn on. It shows you are a dynamic person. Your thoughts?

Also, I read your other article "how to text a girl" and I can tell it was written later than this article. It seems some points conflict. In the other article you speak about getting girls to laugh and in this one you talk about being cool. I understand what you are trying to say, but it gets a little confusing for the reader. Also, in your other article you leave with questions quite a bit and, if I remember correctly, in this one you talk about how needy that makes you sound. Again, a little confusing for the reader. I'm not bashing your articles; they are very well written and I appreciate your thoughts in them. You have helped me understand more dynamics of texting (I have always been a phone caller myself). Thanks for taking the time to write the articles. Any feedback on my concerns is welcomed and appreciated.

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Texting for younger girls?

Author

Howdy Anon,

Good points you raise here.

My text game evolved quite substantially between this article and the "How to Text a Girl" article, which is much more in-line with my current style than this one is, although even that one isn't as barebones as my texting is now.

You're right in saying that my older style was better suited to women 24+ in age. Curiously, my texts are far more Spartan and far less frequent now -- they're used primarily just for arranging dates -- and I engage in very, very little back-and-forth texting, regardless the age of the girl. I find I have a lot more success with both younger and older girls using the barebones approach than I ever did with the back-and-forth.

Younger girls do like texting back-and-forth more, yes -- but you should only engage in that if that's what you're interested in. If you're interested instead in taking a younger girl as a lover, stick to making a strong first impression, telling her right then that the two of you should grab some food or have a drink, trading cells with her, and then using texting to arrange logistics.

Basically, you should think of texting like quicksand: the longer you spend in it, and the more you move around in it and engage in it, the further into it you get sucked and the harder it is to get out of it. Once you start getting into big text conversations with girls, the chance that you get any one girl out and eventually take her to bed dramatically declines.

If you imagine a big, jock football player in college texting a cute girl, he probably isn't texting her for an hour or two, right? He's just texting her stuff like, "Hey, you're a retard. Anyway, let's drink -- X Bar, 9 PM. See you there tonight." You'll probably be a little less commanding since you likely won't make as strong an initial impact on attraction as a football player will, but texting something like, "Hey Gabby, hope your weekend kicked ass. Way too much studying for me; I need a break. We should get a drink this week -- when's best?"

I still view, "How are you?" questions as extraordinarily needy, yes, but certain logistics questions I don't view that way. "When can we meet?" is like that. "What's your schedule like this week -- when are you free?" is another one. Women know when you're texting them it's because you want to see them -- if you're beating around the bush and trying to be nice and conversational, they don't respect that and it seems weak. If you're direct and to-the-point though, it's quite powerful and attractive -- women like that, they respond to it, and it quite often leads to (coupled with strong first impressions) getting girls out on dates.

Best,
Chase

Anonymous's picture

Texting a girl - when you got her number from someone else.


Hi there,

Very useful posts, and some excellent points.

I have one question which you haven't tackled in any articles:

How do I approach a girl, that I haven't yet met, but got her number through a friend? For example I might be given her phone number and will need to initiate first contact via text, or be given her blackberry pin, so that I can add her on blackberry messenger (same as texting).

The problem I have encountered so far is that most women say "sorry I dont know you" and delete me off messenger.

Another point to add is that my picture is visible on blackberry messenger so they can see what I look like.

I also have the option of asking her friend to speak on my behalf first, but im not sure what to tell her to say..

Would be grateful if you could give me the perfect bulletproof message to counter this question "who are you" when I add the girl on messenger, and to avoid being deleted or ignored thereafter. I need something to make an impact !

Azom1x's picture

Well first. You should get


Well first. You should get her number from her, instead of getting it from a friend. When you get a girls number personally it gets rid of the akwardness and if u never met her before it also gives you the opprtunity to give her a nice first impression, vs you texting her randomly and you giving a akward first impression

Anonymous's picture

Once i was asked the same


Once i was asked the same question, "Who are you?", i replied "Creature of this planet called Human"...and then the conversation started...worked for me!

Anonymous's picture

GREAT STUFF MAN!!! Loved this


GREAT STUFF MAN!!! Loved this article and has already taken my game to a new level!
Love all your articles so much great information and well outlined so we can understand the content to be put in real life situations!!! cheers man

Anonymous's picture

texting


Even though i used some of the techniques given on this article, i still got rejected. I think i may have asked for a meet a little too soon. But i have to say, a few of your articles that i have read have really taught me some confidence. And to that i say thank you kind sir

Kelsey's picture

Trouble with meet


Alright, so I meet this girl at a pool part with really loud music. (not the best setting colloquial interaction ) I do really well when talking can take place, as I'm great at getting people to rant about themselves without sounding too interested. Later that same week I saw her at a dance party and she saw me dancing with a bunch of other girls and guys, it looked like I had social value I would imagine, as for her she was only with one girlfriend. I didn't dance with her as she ended up leaving before I made use of my plans to make my way over to her. I don't know where this falls apart, but with texting I can't seem to set a date and place for her to meet me. We don't have conversation through messaging and Im particularly avoiding it because I don't want it to be her favored medium of communication with me. I think that I have built enough comfort with her because she is "haha ing" almost everything I say even when its not that funny. I read your objective based texting and found using the structured texts works really well. Been using names to make it personal, and I'm seeing an increase in responses from women. This whole weekend I tried to meet up and wasn't able to get things to work out. Im at this point going to back off for three or four days and "pretend" I'm unavailable. Next time I ask her to hang out and she gives me an obstacle I'm going to let her know that its my only day off and that we/she should take advantage of it. This isn't THE girl. I don't have any crazy twitterpation going on with anyone in particular, I just need to start seeing better results with texting.

Anonymous's picture

Help


Ok so I know I'm committing a cardinal sin by liking this girl too much but I can't help myself!

I know this girl through a friend and we have been out in a social group together a couple of times. Each time we are out she wants to get me alone and spend time with me, she initiated number swap etc I was just playing it cool. Had a bit of text banter but got shut down on a meet due to her boyfriend. Left it there had a couple of friendly texts then radio silence for about 3 weeks. She then texts me invites me out to a birthday meal for a mutual friend, she is not organizing the party, but she invited me. During this bit of text banter she told me she had split with her boyfriend. Whilst out I decided not to give up my attention to her, even went as far as too approach and flirt with other chicks in her presence. I was having a great time just being social, then this girl is like "come with me" Gets me alone we make out a few times then she gets a bit too drunk and some of her friends come where we are and pull her attention away from me. Then her ex turns up where we are and she takes me outside and says I should leave cos he's an angry dude, but we will definitely meet up next day. Next day get a text saying she can't do today as she's way too hung over, I reply that's cool.

Today she initiates texting, I use a couple of light hearted and comfort building texts before suggesting a meet, was a simple text, what's your plans looking like this week? Wanna hang out Wednesday and not get drunk ;-)

She then takes about 3 hours to respond and texts

Hey my weeks look really busy! My friends mum has gone into a hospice so I'm going there a few times. Bad times I know, not good matey!

What do you think my next steps should be? Like I said earlier I like this girl, possibly enough to want her as an actual girlfriend and not just someone that I want to fuck...

susan's picture

I love your test, it's good


I love your test, it's good

Anonymous's picture

Recent conversation via text. Your imput please?


First off you are a great guy for giving all this free advice online! Unlike the other stuff I've read on seduction your advice is the most realistic and practical. So here is a conversation I am having with a girl who I met at a concert last week who I am trying to get a date with. Please let me know where I could use improvment!

Her 5:30:"Hey :0 how are you?
Me 5:38: " I'm good just sitting in traffic. What's up with you?
Her 5:53: "Just doing some laudry and dishes. Did you work today?"
Me 6:12: " Not today, I need to do laundry too.. What do you have going on tonight?"
Her 6:28: "Nothing really. Just catching up on laundry...Are you going to that show?"
Me 6:40: "No I have to pick my sister up from the ranch in Deleno at 7...We should meet up somewhere in Wayzat and get something to eat or drink around 9."
Her 6:50: "Hmm let me think about it. I would like to but I honestly work 6:30am to 10pm tomorrow....
ME 6:55: " Wow that's intense! Ya no worries if you cant make it. We can figure out a better time next week.
Her 7:35: Yea thats a good idea. What do you have going on tomorrow night?
Me 7:42: " I am going to play guitar with my cousin, but nothing after that.. Probably try to get into something in the city!"

Me 7:50: You should come to Minneapolis after work if you have energy leftover. Otherwise I have Sunday free...

Wating on response.

Now I know this girl is interested in me because she asked for my number from my roommate. Please let me know what you think of this conversation.

Thanks buddy!

B's picture

I am also in Minneapolis


I am also in Minneapolis :)

You shouldn't respond with exact details of what you're doing. You can just respond with,

"I am meeting with a cousin and may venture into the city".

Let her respond. Responding right away the way you did I see as fishing.

She works from 6a.m. till 10p.m. If she's going to go out she is a real trooper. You have to remember she is a woman and will want to shower and change after work. You're looking at a time of at least midnight if she is about to come out for the night in Minneapolis.

With later hours like these try to keep it local. I always meet near her place when the situation falls under this sort of time period. It being close to her, appears less of a commitment, if anything I can enjoy a few drinks and conversation while she meets me a few blocks from her place. She is close to her familiar territory, her door step could be a short walk away.

Anonymous's picture

thanks to you, i ended a


thanks to you, i ended a conversation with a girl smoothly for the firsttime

Brad's picture

Hi Chase, I'm in a situation


Hi Chase,

I'm in a situation where I'm really starting to like this girl and I think she is the one meant for me. The bad thing is, she already has a boyfriend. Her and I have gotten close through text messaging and we have became best friends. I know her boyfriend and I am a friend of his too. Her and I have been out together just as best friends just to talk about our lives. She was dating him at the time we went out together and still is dating him today. I kind of think she likes me a little bit more than best friends, but I'm not sure. She doesn't talk about her boyfriend when she is talking to me. Is this significant? Can you give me some do's and don'ts?

Anonymous's picture

I Had Her...


When i first met this girl i like, i had her, we were pretty darn close, but then as time took its toll she started reseeding as our parents became closer friends, she now thinks that if she were to go out with me and we were to break up it would be awkward for the two families, if our families wernt as close she would go out with me in a blink of the eye, how can i get her to forget about the aftermath (if we do break up). shes fairly hard to persuade.

Note: We are Teens

Richard Wadd's picture

Dude, one song says it all,


Dude, one song says it all, Guns and Roses "I used to love her"

Trademark75's picture

Why the contradiction??


You have a post that says you never call girls anymore and then another that says your a big fan of calling girls. You have a post that talks about simplicity and not having text conversations and that you can't build rapport or comfort over text and yet have a post on just that. I'm not sure where your coming from with all this different advise or maybe I'm missing something.

Chase Amante's picture

Contradiction

Author

Howdy Trademark,

Thanks for pointing this one out; you're right, the information here is at odds with itself across disparate articles.

I've appended a note to the end of this one that the way people use the technology - as well as the best practices on how to use it yourself - are different now and that you're better served checking out a newer article.

Also removed the link to this one from the latest texting article, so as not to cause any further confusion.

Ought to clear it up!

Chase

harrold's picture

met some girl, 5 days ago,


met some girl, 5 days ago, got her number and dont realy know an opening text. any ideas

Anonymous's picture

Facebook or Instant messaging


What are your rules for Facebook? I'm in school and I do end up talking to girls and friending them on facebook. Do same rules apply just with short convos? Or do you not facebook chat/IM at all?

Anonymous's picture

Use Facebook to get her


Use Facebook to get her number (smoothly) and then proceed from there.

Anonymous's picture

follow up text


Omg I'm also from Minneapolis haha, your article really helped me see things differently. I tend to overthink everything but keeping it short and expecting nothing is a great strategy for me. I got this persons number off Facebook, we were friends before in HS. I made clear my intentions of getting together and had what seemed to be an easy not awkward convo (mostly because I avoided long texts) and now I'm not sure how to keep her interested until we finally hang out. I don't want to initiate another text first. She said she will keep me posted when her schedule opens up and I want to believe that haha. Should I move on? Keep lightly texting her? I try not putting her on a pedestal but it's hard cause she fine.

sn's picture

Like chase said, u can't get


Like chase said, u can't get a girl to like you through text s and messages. I would try and invite her out with some friends and then try to move her so that the two of u can have some alone time.

Anonymous's picture

never mention white zinfandel to a woman


White zinfandel is a girls wine. Do not mention it to a wine drinking woman - she will think you are a pansy!

But don't mention something big like cabernet, (red) zin, petite sirah, etc, to show your manliness. Those visceral, masculine wines are too big for the majority of women (especially younger ones).

Same masculine/feminine problem of dull/lively texting...

Solution: chardonnay. Women love it (days of white zin are long past ... zin rose are in now, but still not masculine). Chardonnay shows sophistication in a man and an appreciation for more delicate wine. Women are delicate (even underneath a hard exterior), and women love men who know and empathize with that.

Sante'

Anonymous's picture

This is good!


This is good!

Anonymous's picture

how to stop the banter


Chase Or anyone with some insight, I hope you get the time to answer a few questions for me.

Question 1) my question is how to cut off a text conversation in order to establish that i am not an all day text buddy. More importantly how can i do so this without coming off as a jerk or her losing interest?
Backstory:
I've been texting a girl for a few days now. I used your coaching and was quickly able to secure a date. The problem is I am currently on military orders and so the date was set a week in advance. I believe your statement that '' girls like to talk, it's your job to make sure you don't become just another texting buddy'' to be completely accurate. To enforce this I have been avoiding drawn out conversations as much as possible. She texts me every morning and I will respond with a few well written texts, then stop replying until the end of the day because I honestly am very busy and it is also not my job to entertain her. She has other poor bastards for that. I may respond to one or two more in the evening then just stop replying, easily done if her text is not very engaging, but at times can be quite difficult. Help me out here!

My second question:
After responding to one if her texts in the evening, she mention she was tired of people's bull shit. Then said something about her boyfriend needs to leave her alone...blah blah. I said something nice and used a ''we'' statement in an us vs. them format. She sent me back that its hard to do when he's at the same party. My first instinct, don't respond at all. My second instinct, send something along the lines of '' agreed'' or ''not a good situation'', just keep it short and not too involved.
What should I do? Any help is much appreciate.
Kind regards, -J

Anonymous's picture

Thank You!


Hey Chase, great stuff here as always...Thanks!

Anonymous's picture

coffee shop #close - she texts me


Had a paper to work on for class so I figured why not do it at the local trendy cafe, it's only a few extra stops past my apt on the subway, and I've had some luck there before.
8 walks in orders a beer and pulls out her book. sitting caddycorner from her she had a friend come up and make a book recommendation so when he left I commented on it. Very receptive, ioi's smiles and steady eye contact so I go for the number since I actually have to go home and write this freaking paper. by the time I got home she's texting me with a link to a food review site she mentioned (we talked some about exotic restaurants in the area) and how nice it was to meet me. I make a joke about yeah she's much more interesting than a magical ass (inside joke - book I was reading for paper is The Golden Ass by Apuleius. in retrospect this is perfect prop- it's the first Roman novel so it's intellectual but the whole book is about sex and witchcraft)
In like flynn right? but should this change my text game much?

Anonymous's picture

Employing Scarcity when a girl texts you frequently


Hi Chase,

Excellent post.

Had a quick question. In situations where you've slept with a girl, and want to continue to maintain the presence of attractiveness how do you maintain low contact via text messages when the girl attempts to constantly talk over text. I realize i shouldn't come off as dismissive and can only use the "gotta go" approach so frequently. Your thoughts?

Thanks

Anonymous's picture

Recommendation


What would you recommend this post, or your free book on texting girls?

Anonymous's picture

OOH NO


If I already used one of the "wrong ways" the first time I texted her by asking her how her day was, is i too late for me??

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