Tactics Tuesdays: How to Be a Warm Person | Girls Chase

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Be a Warm Person

how to be a warm personCommenting on the post on building social status, a reader asks the following about how to be a warm person:

Hi Chase, great site, great article. Could you discuss more about warmth? You discuss it quite often, but you could dive into this topic more in-depth? It's a powerful tool to use in all aspects of life, so your breakdown of this would be much appreciated!

Thanks

Happy to oblige, Anonymous.

Back in 2001, a young female customer walked back into the tire store where I worked as a technician and salesman to complete a transaction she'd begun the day before with me. I wasn't there, so another salesman helped her. "That guy who helped me yesterday was nice," she told him, referring to me, "but I felt like he had bad intentions."

When this salesman told me she'd said this, I was surprised; I knew I'd adopted an edge over the past few years - it had been designed specifically to make sure no one would want to fight me, since I was always alone and frequently in dangerous situations. But I didn't think it was actually scaring off women.

I went to work trying to change it, but even a year later, friends on my college dorm room floor told me, "The girls on the 7th floor said, 'That kid with the red hair is scary.'"

When I heard this, the first thing I thought was, "All right. I've adjusted my face for men - to be intimidating and frightening - long enough. It's time I adapt myself for women instead."

Within a few years, I was regularly hearing things like the following:

"I only just met Chase, but I felt like we'd been friends for ages."

"It's so great hanging out with you; I feel like I can tell you anything."

"Spending time talking to you makes me feel like I can breathe."

How I figured out how to be a warm person and how I made the switch to that from "scary and intimidating" is what I'll detail in this post.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

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Comments

-Daniel-'s picture

Hey Chase,

Can you comment on how to cultivate a warm persona alongside a masculine or dominant one? I have been finding that when presenting a masculine or serious personality and maintaining strong eye contact, I give off a cold vibe. In this article you talk about relaxed facial muscles, which I find difficult to balance with the intense expression you describe in your article about having an edge. I think when I do this I give off a vibe that is "too intense" / "too uptight" and it feels cold. Alternatively, when I give off a warm vibe, it also feels impish/boyish and non-masculine. Can you elaborate on how to attain both?

Best,
Daniel

Lilly's picture

Being able to balance masculinity and warmth means development of microexpressions. Start off with warmth, and if you need to be authoritative then adjust towards that with very small shifts in part of the expression. Small changes go a long way, and if you can transition, like a sliding scale you can display the level of masculine authority needed for the situation without looking like an a-hole.
Also, as for #6, I have found that being able to relate to an experience/idea that another person is expressing helps generate a sense of camaraderie. This is two fold, it helps you relate to the ther person (because it puts you in the frame of mind to see from at least closer to their perspective) and it helps the person you are talking to feel that you are actively listening to them.

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