Don't Let Other Men Steal Your Girl
Monday, 6 June 2011
The other day I was walking down the street with a friend of mine when I happened to see a couple walking toward us. The man in that couple then lifted his arm up and wrapped it around the girl's shoulders; immediately though, she reached up and removed his hand from her shoulders, and a sheepish grin spread across his face. When he noticed that I'd been watching, he then hung his head a little lower.
I laughed, but it made me think. It's quite demeaning as a man when a woman does that -- when she pushes you aside or ignores you.
And when it happens in a bar or a nightclub -- when there are other, aggressive males around -- it can be downright dangerous.
Hence, this post, about competitive men trying to steal your girl, and about blood in the water. I want to identify a common but under-discussed phenomenon you'll run into when you're out with women -- and I want to teach you how to avoid falling victim to the sharks.
Blood in the Water
If you head out to bars or nightclubs every so often, you'll run into situations where women will practically or actually "push" you away or other situations where a girl rejects you quite visibly. These might include women:
- Waving their hands "no" to you
- Turning away in apparent disgust
- Taking your arm off of them if you were touching them
- Pulling away from you when you were trying to lead them somewhere
- Ignoring you while you try to talk to them
These are all signs I call "blood in the water."
The term comes from the habit of sharks to seek out their prey from a great distance upon smelling blood spilt into the water. Once bleeding and wounded, an animal becomes intensely attractive as prey to sharks on the prowl. Sharks are the ultimate opportunists of the sea.
In bars and nightclubs, the opportunists are of a different variety: skilled seducers and debauched drunks alike, they're invariably all bent on one thing: finding a girl to take home.
And when they start sensing "blood in the water" -- when they start noticing your girl rebelling against you -- they start thinking they've found some easy prey.
Then, they show up to steal your girl.
What a downer for an evening.
I've had this happen to me a number of times. I've managed to pull off some saves, mostly just because I refused to back down and was able to come up with a backup plan in time -- but it's been close. I'll tell you a story...
About four and a half years ago, I was sitting on a couch in a nightclub with a girl I'd met an hour and a half earlier or so. We were both somewhat drunk, and I knew I should get her out of there soon... but I was hesitant. I'd only taken girls home from nightclubs a few times before. I was afraid I'd make the wrong move and lose her.
So, I put it off. And off. And finally, she went to the bathroom... and when she came back, she didn't sit back down with me.
She got caught up in talking with another guy. He'd sensed the blood in the water; she'd been hesitant to return to me, and he leapt on the opportunity.
Eventually I got her attention back, and told her to sit down with me again, which she did; five minutes later, I got her out of there. But had I been slightly less assertive, there's a good chance that other man might have stolen my girl.
I discuss another, similar encounter I had last December in one of the example reports from my seduction ebook where I was working to take a girl home and she was resisting, and suddenly a big, well-muscled guy appeared out of nowhere, feeling me out and trying to make conversation with me while I was mid-pull with a rebellious girl.
He smelled the blood in the water, and decided to jump in and see what he could get.
This stuff happens sometimes.
Knowing why it happens, and how it happens -- and what you can do to stop it from happening, as well as to right the ship mid-steal -- is a set of information that, if you frequent nighttime spots with any degree of regularity, I highly recommend you acquire.
Why Men Try to Steal Your Girl
At first, it might be a head scratcher. There are so many girls in the average bar or club; why's a guy got to come up and try and steal yours? Why doesn't he talk to one of the many other unattached women around?
Well, as it were, there are a few reasons why. Here, in no particular order, they are:
- Men look for women who are open to their advances. A woman talking to her girlfriends animatedly probably isn't very open to meeting a new guy. A woman rejecting the advances of another man, on the other hand, without other female companionship, is far more likely to be open to jumping ship.
If she's spurning one man, she may very well run into the arms of another man to make that first man jealous -- and she may take things all the way if she wants revenge. Or, she may be spurning him because he's plainly and simply failing to move things forward, like I was in that first example I gave, when in fact all she wants is for a man to invite her home. Other men sense this, and act.
- Men look for lone wolves. A woman who's pushing a man away is sometimes about to run off from him and strike out on her own. Other men sense this, and ready themselves to pounce -- or sometimes even intervene preemptively before she's headed off, looking to scoop her up before she makes a break for it.
- Men look for women who are sexually primed. This is similar to our first point, and it's more or less the same as something that's known in the seduction community as "buying temperature." When you've gotten a girl to the point where she's ready to go get intimate, other men can smell it -- and if you don't get her out of there ASAP, they start coming out of the woodwork. They don't actually stand to lose anything if they try and fail; but if they try and succeed, they gain a lot. And regardless whether they're successful or not, their efforts can negatively impact your seduction.
If you want to state it more simply, we can just say:
- Men will try to steal your girl more the more ready she is for intimacy, and
- Men will try to steal your girl more the more she visibly rebels against you.
This leads to some potential quagmires for any aspiring seducer operating in competitive environments with other aggressive men. It means that the closer you get to pulling her and the more open her escalation windows are, the more eyes are watching your every move, waiting for even the slightest slip-up or in-road.
Yikes. That's a lot of pressure, and it just goes to show you the danger of letting a little blood drip into the water. The sharks are waiting, and they don't feel an ounce of remorse for taking your girl away -- or for messing things up for you with any failed attempts they might make.
What's a guy to do?
An Ounce of Prevention -- Keeping the Water Bloodless
Best way to avoid a shark attack?
Don't get the water bloody.
So it is with having other guys trying to steal your girl. Avoid having a girl visibly rebel or resist you -- the blood in the water of seduction -- and you'll avoid anything that might be viewed a signal to attack.
That means you're going to want to avoid:
- Asking for compliance or touching girls when they're cold, aloof, or non-compliant
- Trying to pull girls too aggressively when they clearly don't want to be pulled
- Anything that might be perceived as you chasing while your girl runs
Easier said than done, though, and you are going to mess up on this when you're new.
You will ask for compliance at the wrong times. You will touch a girl at the wrong times. You will go for the pull or seek to move women at the wrong times. You will chase while she runs.
You're going to make mistakes. It's part of learning. And if you aren't making those mistakes, and never have, either you're a seduction savant, or... you're not trying anywhere near hard enough.
But as you try and fail, it's something you need to pay especial attention to. You need to learn when to go for things -- the right timing, when she's feeling the right emotions. You need to get good at reading how girls show interest. You need to progress and stop bleeding in the water.
Because the opportunists -- the scavengers, the scalpers -- they look for that. They look for the signs of a man who's inexperienced or hesitant, and is making mistakes and not doing what the woman needs him to do. And that's when they pounce.
And don't think you'll get out of this by playing it safe, because you won't.
One of the leading "blood in the water" signs to opportunistic men is a woman who wants to be pulled but a man who still isn't moving fast and isn't trying to take her home. Playing it safe is the ultimate path to getting your girl stolen.
So how do you avoid getting the water bloody?
You go out and do this enough that you get good at reading women's emotions, moods, body language, and all the signals they're sending you, and you push for things enough that you build up your intuition about what you can expect to get away with with which women in which scenarios at what time.
There's no shortcut to success. Just work -- you do the work, you get the results.
But, while you're working on getting all this down and making sure you don't get the water bloody, let's have a look at what your best recourse is when you do.
Don't Let Other Men Steal Your Girl
While you're developing your instincts as a seducer extraordinaire, you're still going to slip up from time to time. And even when you've achieved a high level of expertise, you can't realistically expect to be perfect every time.
Everyone makes mistakes.
So when you make a mistake and the jackals start descending -- when you bleed in the water and the sharks swim in -- how should you respond?
You're going to want to stay on top of the following:
- Don't be the first to break circle. If some guy comes up, don't be the first to acknowledge him unless he's really in your face, touching you a lot, or being very loud and obvious (even then, if you can move the girl casually away from him, without acknowledging him, and she hasn't acknowledged him, do that). The longer he hovers on the outside of the two of you, getting zero attention, the worse he looks and the less confident he'll feel.
- Be cool. That new guy talking to your girl is still at a disadvantage over you (unless you've really managed to irk her!). You still have the advantage. So be cool and relax -- chances are, she won't be all that impressed with him anyway. You're also at the advantage when it comes to sprezzatura -- you're relaxing, while this new guy is probably standing up, in a less comfortable position, clearly pursuing her, and quite possibly actively working to show value and be impressive. Don't lose your advantage by starting to chase or compete yourself.
- Don't treat the new guy as a threat. Women pay a great deal of attention to what those around them communicate with their words and actions. If you act like the guy's threatening and a big deal, she'll perceive him as potentially more powerful and attractive than you. If you act like he's not even a minor annoyance, she's more likely to perceive him as someone you don't view even worthy of your attention. He may simply blow his chances himself, as many men do.
- If you must intervene, still be cool! If she honestly seems to like the guy, and now they're in animated discussion (this happens sometimes -- especially if she was waiting for you to pull her and you hadn't -- she may want to make you jealous, or she may simply just want a guy who's going to take action and lead her to intimacy), you may need to intervene. At that point, ask for an introduction. "Who's your new friend?" is one I use a lot, in a very chill, casual voice. Read the post on dealing with disruptive men for more on what to do in that situation.
- Once things have settled, give the girl a command. This is key. You normally want to do this once you have more or less completely severed conversation between your girl and the new man, either because she's lost interest in him or because you've taken over the conversation and now all the conversation is between him and you. You can't wait too long after that point -- you risk her drifting off to find some other conversation partner. But you'll want to have him engaged for a minute or two, then tell him, "Well, we were just about to go grab a drink. It was fantastic meeting you," and then leave. Or, give her your coat or drink and ask her to grab a seat for the two of you over by the sofas. Then say goodbye to the guy and follow after her thirty seconds later.
- Finally, take her home. Once you've reached the point where men are aggressively pursuing and blood's clearly in the water, more likely than not it's because other men are picking up that she wants to be taken home. So stop dallying and give her what she wants.
Also... avoid getting emotional. I've had a few of these situations where men came in aggressively trying to steal my girl, and I got a little... aggressive in return in dispatching them. It always backfires, the guys always try to fight you, and you always lose the girl. Avoid belligerence; it's bad for seduction. You can't take girls home when the bouncer's holding you back.
By staying calm and in-control, handling the situation, and doing what needs to be done, you can effectively turn around most bloody water situations.
I say "most" because every now and then you'll manage to frustrate a girl so much by moving too slow or acting too aloof that she'll go into auto-rejection and want to "show you what you're missing." It's very difficult to turn situations like this around; if anything, you can learn from it after the fact (and take comfort in the fact that a girl liked you so much that when she felt she couldn't have you she wanted to get revenge -- girls don't do that for guys they don't care about).
And, very occasionally, a girl will end up finding that new man more charming than you. Usually though, when you lose a girl to an opportunist, it's because you moved too slow or put her into auto-rejection.
So, focus on giving a woman what she wants, moving quickly and decisively, and otherwise doing what you need to do to keep the blood out of the water to stop men from trying to steal your girl. And where that doesn't work, follow the steps outlined above to nip scavengers in the bud.
Remember, don't get the water bloody. But if you do, get your social arsenal ready and don't be afraid to spear yourself (metaphorically speaking, of course) some sharks.
Talk to you next time.
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