Really quick quiz: what’s the most powerful tool of seduction in your arsenal? What’s the one thing you have that, when used properly, can turn an ice queen into a kitten and make even the strongest women become bubbly little girls?
- Is it your sense of style?
- Your suave demeanor?
- Perhaps your silver tongue?
Those things all are great, but there’s one thing you can use to greater effect than quite possibly all of them combined. Want to guess what it is?
It’s your smile.
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying:
Smile and the world smiles with you; cry and you cry alone.
Both parts of that saying have a great deal of validity to them. But for the purpose of this post, I want to focus on the first part: that when you smile, the world smiles with you.
My good buddy David Tian posted an article that’s really relevant to this about two years ago that I still remember. I had to do a quick Google search to find it, but here it is on his site: Emotional Contagion. David explains this a lot more comprehensively than I’m going to here, but the (really) quick-and-dirty of it is that feelings are catching, and that one can trigger emotions in another simply by one’s own visible emotional state. For a little more of the science behind this, check out Wikipedia’s article on mirror neurons – brain cells that cause us to feel the same emotion as that we see others feeling.
In other words, women will feel the way you show them you are feeling. This is quite powerful when you begin to harness it, and one of the best and most effective ways to harness it is in using your smile correctly.
Your smile is something you can spend a lot of time working on, particularly if you aren’t 100% certain what you want to do with it. I already have spent a lot of time working on mine though, and I’ve found a few little tricks that pay big dividends that I’m quite positive you’ll be able to start putting to good use just about instantaneously. The two of those little tricks I want to focus on here are smiling warmly and smiling sexily.
The Warm Smile
One of the best books I’ve read on basic socializing was Leil Lowndes’ How to Talk to Anyone. If you’ve been studying the social arts for a while, much of what’s covered in Talk to Anyone will be old hat for you, but even then you’ll still pick up nuggets here and there that can end up proving invaluable. The slow smile was one such nugget for me when I gave the book a read-through.
The slow smile, or slow-spreading smile – however you want to call it – is a way of making someone else feel quite special to and appreciated by you. The slow smile is a vastly more personal version of the standard smile. Why is that, you might ask? Well, let’s consider a pair of examples:
- In Example 1, you look over at a beautiful woman in a red dress, and she flashes you a quick, easy smile.
- In Example 2, you look over at a beautiful woman in a purple dress, and watch as a smile slowly spreads across her lips as she looks back at you.
Which woman do you think is more genuinely interested in you? Clearly the second woman, isn’t it? That’s because a quickly-flashed smile can mean anything – and quite often, it’s simply someone being polite or acknowledging your gaze. But a slow smile – now there’s a signal that means something. It’s a smile specifically for you, targeted at you, and one that you know the woman smiling at you is consciously aware of.
It isn’t just some incidental grin. It’s a conscious, confident smile beamed in your direction. It feels personal, and it feels quite warm.
Use the slow smile everywhere. It’s amazing for seduction – it makes women feel much more highly valued by you. And it’s great for just showing people in general you care. I learned to smile slowly all the time by forcing myself to only smile that way – you can certainly do the same, and take the responses you get to your smiles into the stratosphere.
You can even use the slow smile as an opener. Many times I have alighted my eyes on a woman, and locked gazes with her, then slowly began spreading a smile across my lips until I looked as though I was about to begin laughing. Almost universally as you do this, your girl will laugh too, and it’s quite easy to either continue to tease her with body language and nonverbals, or to begin a verbal conversation. Women you open this way will open far more warmly and require a lot less initial work to get attracted.
The Sexy Smile
How do friendly men smile? They smile like this:
How about sexy men? How do they smile?
Take a look at those two pictures of two different smiles: one friendly, one sexy. What differences do you see?
The main differences you should note are as follows:
- The friendly man smiles with his teeth. The sexy man keeps his mouth shut.
- The friendly man smiles broadly. The sexy man’s smile is not quite so broad.
- The friendly man smiles with both sides of his mouth evenly. The sexy man’s smile has one side of his mouth smiling more than the other.
So, sexy men smile with their mouths shut, smile less broadly, and smile more with one side of their mouths than the other – almost to the point of having a half-smile sometimes. Those are some rather meaningful differences from your normal average friendly smile – that standard, but ever-so-usual, grin. The advantage is, when you smile with your mouth closed and less broadly and tilted to one side, women will tend to view you as far more of a sexual creature than they will a man who flashes them a friendly smile.
The sexy smile gets women excited about you in a way that the friendly smile just doesn’t. Sexy smiles are the way to go any time you’re interacting with a woman you’re even the slightest bit interested in – they make an immediate and significant contribution to your efforts. I can instantly tell sexual people from less sexual people these days by paying attention to how they smile – it really is a pretty reliable indicator.
One note on tilting your smile: smiling more with the right side of your mouth comes across as warm and caring. Smiling more with the left side of your mouth comes across as slick and knowing. Depending on the situation, one of these is often superior to the other – use your judgment. For instance, if a woman gives you a great compliment, you’ll want her to feel warm and rewarded for having done so, so you’ll flash her a sexy smile that is weighted toward the right side of your face. If a woman makes a witty remark at your expense, you can laugh a little and smile more with the left side of your face to let her know you get it but you’re no verbal punching bag.
This might sound minor, but it’s not. It’s major. If you get good at using warm smiles and sexy smiles, you will get such better initial receptions from women it’s silly, and your interactions will run remarkably smoother. You’ll be using your smile to defuse tension and problems, using the slow, warm smile to build up good feelings and the sexy smile to get girls going crazy over you.
Your smile is how women judge whom you are and what your intentions are when they’re drawing up rapid assessments. Women can decide very quickly if they think you’re the kind of man they’re looking for based on your smile alone. It’s one of those core fundamentals that most guys interestingly enough don’t even think to work on until they’re far more advanced; but even the greenest social beginners can (and will!) benefit massively from tweaking their smiles as soon as possible. It’s a big deal, and it makes a big difference.
So… smile :)