On Sexual Freedom
Saturday, 28 June 2014
I hope you are all ready for some seduction related philosophy. I know I have been writing a lot of practical stuff lately (such as techniques and tactics you can use to seduce women), so today, we will do some theorizing. This is an introduction to the field of sexual ethics, and today’s topic will be Sexual Freedom.
As this is a discussion of ethics and morals, I will respect that everybody has different values. Some here might have a strict religious backgrounds, whereas others not. Some might prefer a conservative view around sex, others a more liberated one.
However, I would make it clear that this post is basically my personal argument. I believe that sexual freedom and liberty is the pillar of the art of seduction itself, and therefore I believe my views are congruent with the school of thought that Girls Chase is built upon.
Sexual freedom can easily be defined as being free to perform any sexual practice we desire with whomever we like. Now, it is important to note that in this post we are not talking about any laws a particular country might have. Whether or not a country has laws that restrict its individuals’ sexual freedom is irrelevant. We here are talking about morality and whether or not people “should” have sexual freedom or not. It’s a normative issue.
However, we can easily say that there is coherence between countries’ laws around sexuality and the conventional values its people might have.
Sexual freedom can also be defined as tolerance, and in our case we’re dealing with tolerance as accepting people’s different sexual desires and actions. In most societies certain sexual acts are not tolerated.
People judge each other for their sexual identities. Even though certain practices are legal, they are, according to the conventions, not morally acceptable. Labels such as creep, fag, and pervert are all implemented to control people’s sexual behaviour.
Sexual freedom means that people start tolerating each other’s sexual preferences, desires, and practices – in other words, we respect each other’s sexual identities.
It is in most countries legally accepted to practice sexual intercourse with people of the same sex, yet many still find such acts noxious. We can also define sexual freedom as “sexual non-judgementalism”.
The first step to a sexually free utopia would be that people would stop judging and bashing each other because of their sexuality. But also, what is important to be implemented is the freedom from being judged and socially sanctioned by others.
Not only in an ideal world will you and everybody else stop judging each other for their sexuality, but you will also not be judged for your own desires and practices; the freedom from being judged.
Maybe we can take these ideals even further. Maybe tolerance alone is simply not enough. We could say that a good sexually free society is a society that not only tolerates but also endorses a pluralism of sexualities.
In my opinion, I would say that such ideals would contradict the ideal of sexual freedom, because in this instance you pretty much force people to not only tolerate others’ desires, but you force them to actually appreciate them. That, in my opinion, is to take things a little bit too far. Forcing people to tolerate others is one thing, as it creates room for more sexual freedom, but forcing people to endorse each other’s sexuality does not create any more sexual freedom. On the contrary, it becomes a form of despotism.
Universality? Equal Rights Between The Sexes
A common thing in ethics is to universalize a theory. By this we mean that any ethical theory must apply equally to all. That means that you cannot make any exceptions for anyone, including yourself.
For example, if you claim that stealing is bad, yet you make an exception for yourself and go out and steal, then you are not living in congruence with your own principles and your moral principles lose their value.
If we take another example more relevant to our topic, if you claim that sleeping around is bad, then you cannot allow yourself to sleep around without being incongruent with your own morals.
Your moral values must apply to you and everybody else in order to be legit. Put more simply: treat others the same as you would like to be treated by them.
A feminist criticism to sexual freedom that I would agree with (I am not a feminist, but this argument is legit) is that sexual freedom only applies to men. There is a lot of truth in it. For example, if I sleep with 10 girls tonight, nobody will judge me for it, or at least the social sanctions would be rather low compared to those that women receive.
Women, as we know, get judged for being sexually active. They even get judged for being sexual beings (which is strange, as female sexuality is a totally natural thing). Women get labelled as “sluts”, “loose” or “skanky” for being sexually active and open. Any signs of promiscuity can set a woman’s reputation at risk. But for us men, such a thing is not really a big concern.
I believe such a thing is unfair, because women, like men, are sexual beings. Female sexuality is necessary to motivate both sexes to reproduce. Honestly, what is so wrong about women’s sexuality? Why can’t we just let them enjoy it? Why can’t we as men enjoy women for whom they truly are?
I have found no answers so far other than the desire to control females’ sexuality so that a man could secure his wife only to himself. This way, it becomes a virtue for women to act as true “Madonnas”, and it causes women to be extra careful when it comes to whom they sleep with, which reduces men’s concerns about having their wives sleeping around.
This might sound crazy, but one of the most important Western philosophers, David Hume, claimed this exact thing in the 17th century, and gender philosophers still find some truth in it.
Yet I do believe that men and women should have similar rights – especially when it comes to sexuality. I can understand how restricting female sexuality can be beneficial when it comes to creating order within a society, but I still find it morally wrong. Females are humans too, and being sexually free, not only legally but also morally, should be a human right. Also, female sexuality is a beautiful thing – why restrict it instead of appreciating it?
However, I fail to see how any seducers could not fight for equal rights between the sexes in terms of sexuality. We seducers benefit a lot from women being sexually free. Not only does it make our lives as seducers easier, as women will have a lower defence mechanism concerning sex, but the sex will also be wilder. If you want to become a true seducer, you would be more congruent if you vouched for sexual freedom.
Why Sexual Freedom?
Why is sexual freedom desired? I will here list a few arguments followed by a few counterarguments. Keep in mind that my position is “pro sexual freedom” so my conclusion will be that sexual freedom is a good thing. And if you disagree, let us debate things further in the comment section.
Let us start with a “hedonist/utilitarian” argument. First of all, sexuality is a good thing and anything that leads to pleasure is a good thing – hence we must respect, tolerate, and appreciate good things; namely, things that make us feel good.
Well it is true that sexuality is a good thing, as it allows us to reproduce, and having sex surely feels good. But is that enough to claim that sexual freedom is a good thing? No, it is not. There are many things that might feel good to someone, such as the adrenalin rush from stealing, but I’d guess the majority of us would agree that stealing is a bad thing because it causes harm.
So the principle of harm is important and should be taken into the equation. Can sex cause harm? Yes it can: unwanted pregnancies, sexual transmitted diseases, abuse (rape), etc. In other words, a society cannot be totally sexually free, as that would mean accepting such harms to take place – considering that harm is not a good thing.
Well, there are a lot of sexual practices that are not morally accepted that do not cause any severe harm. For example: a woman having sex with two men at once.
With the use of condoms, STD’s are prevented. So this factor of harm is reduced. Unwanted pregnancies can be handled with birth control pills, and as long as the sex is consensual, abuse rarely takes place.
So all these factors of harm have been removed. But some restrictions had to take place.
To conclude, sexual freedom is good, but only with certain restrictions that have the purpose of protecting individuals’ sexual freedom. A rape for example will cause more harm than good and will minimize the victim’s sexual freedom more than it will increase the perpetrators freedom (by letting him rape). Therefore, consent is a key restriction, because this restriction will in the end result in more freedom for everyone.
In other words, everything is permitted as long as you don’t harm others – or as John Stuart Mill puts it: “My freedom ends where yours begins.”
Another argument for sexual freedom is the one concerning natural rights. The “natural rights” argument is based on the fact that we humans have a natural right to dispose over our own bodies, which means that we can do what ever we like with them. However, even though this argument is based on totally different premises than the previous one, the conclusion is pretty much the same.
Within the ethics of natural rights, people are free to do whatever they like with their own bodies as long as their actions do not violate the freedom of others.
Again we see the importance of letting people live out their sexual lives as they desire so long as they don’t violate others’ right to live out theirs. Here again certain restrictions like safe sex and consent come in handy.
Any other restrictions that don’t have the purpose of protecting individual natural rights is a violation of people’s freedom – in this case their sexual freedom.
My final argument is purely utilitarian in its nature, namely that sexual freedom is beneficial because:
It creates a more pleasant vibe between its people.
It makes people reproduce more (in certain countries that is viewed as a positive consequence).
It reduces psychological problems related to sexual restrictions. People can now happily live out their sexuality.
More openness equals a higher degree of enlightenment around sex. With openness, people’s information about sex will increase and this will help reduce harms like STD’s and unwanted pregnancies.
More openness makes it easier to know when sex is consensual and when it is not, minimizing the amount of sexual abuse.
Before I conclude, I will add three counterarguments to the ideal of sexual freedom.
Here are some critiques:
“If people just go sleep around, they will not appreciate the exclusivity of a deep romantic relationship any more.”
To this counter argument, I will first of all agree that deep romantic relationships are indeed something pleasurable. However, just because I eat a cheap burger, does not make me appreciate any less a good meal at a Michelin restaurant. Same thing goes for casual sex and “deep romantic relationships”.
“Are you okay with women just sleeping around?”
Yes I am. I am a high sex drive person and a perfect girl for me would be a girl that also has a high sex drive. Within a sexually open society I can easily find out which girls are “high sex drive” and which are not. Those who do not want partners with a high number of sex partners can also find those easily in a sexually free society because women and men will now be more honest about their numbers of partners. Everybody is happy.
“How can I keep a wife now that she can just sleep around?”
Back in the day, you could to a certain extent control your wife, as she was more dependent on you. You were the earner of money and you were the one feeding her while she stayed at home. However, changes have taken place: women are not as economically dependent on men anymore, and that means that you pretty much don’t have control over her anymore. However, if you are sexually open with her, you might be able to have more control over her “infidelity” rather than just crying home alone.
Now, this might not apply to more conservative countries. However, keep in mind that “love” is not “possession”. If you love someone you do not want to make him or her your slave. Appreciate her presence and her sexuality – love her for who she truly is.
In this article we have examined the ideal of sexual freedom. This article was mostly pro sexual freedom, but there is still room for disagreement.
We first of all described sexual freedom as “being able to do as one desires when it comes to sex”, but to be more detailed it was mostly referred to as the freedom from being judged. Sexual freedom entails tolerance, tolerance for each other’s sexual desires and practices.
But should everyone do as they desire when it comes to sex?
We saw that certain restrictions were necessary. These restrictions serve as a “protector” of individual sexual freedom. The purpose of these limits is to prevent violation of individual rights and to prevent the violation of people’s sexual freedom.
There are restrictions that I didn’t cover because it would take too long to discuss those. Remember that the more restrictions you add to a concept of liberty, the more theoretical problems occur. So in order to make this article actually pleasant to read I decided to leave them out. Remember that this is just an introduction to sexual ethics. If this article turns out to be popular (like my previous article on sexual ethics on the secret society), I will write more of them.
Hope you enjoyed.
Comments and questions are welcome.
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