On Sexual Freedom


I hope you are all ready for some seduction related philosophy. I know I have been writing a lot of practical stuff lately (such as techniques and tactics you can use to seduce women), so today, we will do some theorizing. This is an introduction to the field of sexual ethics, and today’s topic will be Sexual Freedom.

sexual freedom

As this is a discussion of ethics and morals, I will respect that everybody has different values. Some here might have a strict religious backgrounds, whereas others not. Some might prefer a conservative view around sex, others a more liberated one.

However, I would make it clear that this post is basically my personal argument. I believe that sexual freedom and liberty is the pillar of the art of seduction itself, and therefore I believe my views are congruent with the school of thought that Girls Chase is built upon.


Sexual Freedom

Sexual freedom can easily be defined as being free to perform any sexual practice we desire with whomever we like. Now, it is important to note that in this post we are not talking about any laws a particular country might have. Whether or not a country has laws that restrict its individuals’ sexual freedom is irrelevant. We here are talking about morality and whether or not people “should” have sexual freedom or not. It’s a normative issue.

However, we can easily say that there is coherence between countries’ laws around sexuality and the conventional values its people might have.


Tolerance

Sexual freedom can also be defined as tolerance, and in our case we’re dealing with tolerance as accepting people’s different sexual desires and actions. In most societies certain sexual acts are not tolerated.

People judge each other for their sexual identities. Even though certain practices are legal, they are, according to the conventions, not morally acceptable. Labels such as creep, fag, and pervert are all implemented to control people’s sexual behaviour.

Sexual freedom means that people start tolerating each other’s sexual preferences, desires, and practices – in other words, we respect each other’s sexual identities.

It is in most countries legally accepted to practice sexual intercourse with people of the same sex, yet many still find such acts noxious. We can also define sexual freedom as “sexual non-judgementalism”.

The first step to a sexually free utopia would be that people would stop judging and bashing each other because of their sexuality. But also, what is important to be implemented is the freedom from being judged and socially sanctioned by others.

Not only in an ideal world will you and everybody else stop judging each other for their sexuality, but you will also not be judged for your own desires and practices; the freedom from being judged.

Maybe we can take these ideals even further. Maybe tolerance alone is simply not enough. We could say that a good sexually free society is a society that not only tolerates but also endorses a pluralism of sexualities.

In my opinion, I would say that such ideals would contradict the ideal of sexual freedom, because in this instance you pretty much force people to not only tolerate others’ desires, but you force them to actually appreciate them. That, in my opinion, is to take things a little bit too far. Forcing people to tolerate others is one thing, as it creates room for more sexual freedom, but forcing people to endorse each other’s sexuality does not create any more sexual freedom. On the contrary, it becomes a form of despotism.


Universality? Equal Rights Between The Sexes

A common thing in ethics is to universalize a theory. By this we mean that any ethical theory must apply equally to all. That means that you cannot make any exceptions for anyone, including yourself.

For example, if you claim that stealing is bad, yet you make an exception for yourself and go out and steal, then you are not living in congruence with your own principles and your moral principles lose their value.

If we take another example more relevant to our topic, if you claim that sleeping around is bad, then you cannot allow yourself to sleep around without being incongruent with your own morals.

Your moral values must apply to you and everybody else in order to be legit. Put more simply: treat others the same as you would like to be treated by them.

A feminist criticism to sexual freedom that I would agree with (I am not a feminist, but this argument is legit) is that sexual freedom only applies to men. There is a lot of truth in it. For example, if I sleep with 10 girls tonight, nobody will judge me for it, or at least the social sanctions would be rather low compared to those that women receive.

Women, as we know, get judged for being sexually active. They even get judged for being sexual beings (which is strange, as female sexuality is a totally natural thing). Women get labelled as “sluts”, “loose” or “skanky” for being sexually active and open. Any signs of promiscuity can set a woman’s reputation at risk. But for us men, such a thing is not really a big concern.

I believe such a thing is unfair, because women, like men, are sexual beings. Female sexuality is necessary to motivate both sexes to reproduce. Honestly, what is so wrong about women’s sexuality? Why can’t we just let them enjoy it? Why can’t we as men enjoy women for whom they truly are?

sexual freedom

I have found no answers so far other than the desire to control females’ sexuality so that a man could secure his wife only to himself. This way, it becomes a virtue for women to act as true “Madonnas”, and it causes women to be extra careful when it comes to whom they sleep with, which reduces men’s concerns about having their wives sleeping around.

This might sound crazy, but one of the most important Western philosophers, David Hume, claimed this exact thing in the 17th century, and gender philosophers still find some truth in it.

Yet I do believe that men and women should have similar rights – especially when it comes to sexuality. I can understand how restricting female sexuality can be beneficial when it comes to creating order within a society, but I still find it morally wrong. Females are humans too, and being sexually free, not only legally but also morally, should be a human right. Also, female sexuality is a beautiful thing – why restrict it instead of appreciating it?

However, I fail to see how any seducers could not fight for equal rights between the sexes in terms of sexuality. We seducers benefit a lot from women being sexually free. Not only does it make our lives as seducers easier, as women will have a lower defence mechanism concerning sex, but the sex will also be wilder. If you want to become a true seducer, you would be more congruent if you vouched for sexual freedom.


Why Sexual Freedom?

Why is sexual freedom desired? I will here list a few arguments followed by a few counterarguments. Keep in mind that my position is “pro sexual freedom” so my conclusion will be that sexual freedom is a good thing. And if you disagree, let us debate things further in the comment section.

Let us start with a “hedonist/utilitarian” argument. First of all, sexuality is a good thing and anything that leads to pleasure is a good thing – hence we must respect, tolerate, and appreciate good things; namely, things that make us feel good.

Well it is true that sexuality is a good thing, as it allows us to reproduce, and having sex surely feels good. But is that enough to claim that sexual freedom is a good thing? No, it is not. There are many things that might feel good to someone, such as the adrenalin rush from stealing, but I’d guess the majority of us would agree that stealing is a bad thing because it causes harm.

So the principle of harm is important and should be taken into the equation. Can sex cause harm? Yes it can: unwanted pregnancies, sexual transmitted diseases, abuse (rape), etc. In other words, a society cannot be totally sexually free, as that would mean accepting such harms to take place – considering that harm is not a good thing.

Well, there are a lot of sexual practices that are not morally accepted that do not cause any severe harm. For example: a woman having sex with two men at once.

With the use of condoms, STD’s are prevented. So this factor of harm is reduced. Unwanted pregnancies can be handled with birth control pills, and as long as the sex is consensual, abuse rarely takes place.

So all these factors of harm have been removed. But some restrictions had to take place.

To conclude, sexual freedom is good, but only with certain restrictions that have the purpose of protecting individuals’ sexual freedom. A rape for example will cause more harm than good and will minimize the victim’s sexual freedom more than it will increase the perpetrators freedom (by letting him rape). Therefore, consent is a key restriction, because this restriction will in the end result in more freedom for everyone.

In other words, everything is permitted as long as you don’t harm others – or as John Stuart Mill puts it: “My freedom ends where yours begins.”

Another argument for sexual freedom is the one concerning natural rights. The “natural rights” argument is based on the fact that we humans have a natural right to dispose over our own bodies, which means that we can do what ever we like with them. However, even though this argument is based on totally different premises than the previous one, the conclusion is pretty much the same.

Within the ethics of natural rights, people are free to do whatever they like with their own bodies as long as their actions do not violate the freedom of others.

sexual freedom

Again we see the importance of letting people live out their sexual lives as they desire so long as they don’t violate others’ right to live out theirs. Here again certain restrictions like safe sex and consent come in handy.

Any other restrictions that don’t have the purpose of protecting individual natural rights is a violation of people’s freedom – in this case their sexual freedom.

My final argument is purely utilitarian in its nature, namely that sexual freedom is beneficial because:

  • It creates a more pleasant vibe between its people.

  • It makes people reproduce more (in certain countries that is viewed as a positive consequence).

  • It reduces psychological problems related to sexual restrictions. People can now happily live out their sexuality.

  • More openness equals a higher degree of enlightenment around sex. With openness, people’s information about sex will increase and this will help reduce harms like STD’s and unwanted pregnancies.

  • More openness makes it easier to know when sex is consensual and when it is not, minimizing the amount of sexual abuse.

Before I conclude, I will add three counterarguments to the ideal of sexual freedom.


Critiques

Here are some critiques:

If people just go sleep around, they will not appreciate the exclusivity of a deep romantic relationship any more.

To this counter argument, I will first of all agree that deep romantic relationships are indeed something pleasurable. However, just because I eat a cheap burger, does not make me appreciate any less a good meal at a Michelin restaurant. Same thing goes for casual sex and “deep romantic relationships”.

Are you okay with women just sleeping around?

Yes I am. I am a high sex drive person and a perfect girl for me would be a girl that also has a high sex drive. Within a sexually open society I can easily find out which girls are “high sex drive” and which are not. Those who do not want partners with a high number of sex partners can also find those easily in a sexually free society because women and men will now be more honest about their numbers of partners. Everybody is happy.

How can I keep a wife now that she can just sleep around?

Back in the day, you could to a certain extent control your wife, as she was more dependent on you. You were the earner of money and you were the one feeding her while she stayed at home. However, changes have taken place: women are not as economically dependent on men anymore, and that means that you pretty much don’t have control over her anymore. However, if you are sexually open with her, you might be able to have more control over her “infidelity” rather than just crying home alone.

Now, this might not apply to more conservative countries. However, keep in mind that “love” is not “possession”. If you love someone you do not want to make him or her your slave. Appreciate her presence and her sexuality – love her for who she truly is.


Recap

In this article we have examined the ideal of sexual freedom. This article was mostly pro sexual freedom, but there is still room for disagreement.

We first of all described sexual freedom as “being able to do as one desires when it comes to sex”, but to be more detailed it was mostly referred to as the freedom from being judged. Sexual freedom entails tolerance, tolerance for each other’s sexual desires and practices.

But should everyone do as they desire when it comes to sex?

We saw that certain restrictions were necessary. These restrictions serve as a “protector” of individual sexual freedom. The purpose of these limits is to prevent violation of individual rights and to prevent the violation of people’s sexual freedom.

There are restrictions that I didn’t cover because it would take too long to discuss those. Remember that the more restrictions you add to a concept of liberty, the more theoretical problems occur. So in order to make this article actually pleasant to read I decided to leave them out. Remember that this is just an introduction to sexual ethics. If this article turns out to be popular (like my previous article on sexual ethics on the secret society), I will write more of them.

Hope you enjoyed.

Comments and questions are welcome.

Until Next,

Alek

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Comments

uForia's picture

Really depends on who you are


I'm going to talk about this in parallel with wealth distribution. Whereas a hedonistic or economic perspective involves maximizing surplus without any regard to who gets what, politics is all about who gets what. There are different personality types and preferences for everyone and let's just simplify this into two types: those that are willing to work a lot harder to get better results and those who are happy to settle with lesser results. America, with its high income inequality, clearly favors those go-getting types whereas Southern Europe more or less favors those who like to lie in their hammocks while the go-getters are plagued by excessive taxation.

So relating this to sexual freedom: if you're willing to work harder to sleep with more women, then the post-birth control society (Mostly the West) is more favorable to you. However, if you're someone like Elliot Rodger who just wants to find one girl and settle with that, then obviously you're more likely to go on a shooting spree.

So yes, what you say about maximizing surplus is correct when sexual freedom is applied (After all, the total amount of sexual activity is increased). But much like how the top 1% of families in America control 40% of the wealth, it's only the top alpha males that get to sleep with most of the women (Resulting in a more skewed distribution curve). Because women themselves have to choose when to give their bodies out, of course they're going to save themselves for the alpha males while also being able to leave everyone else in the dust, mostly.

If you're an alpha male, sexual freedom benefits you A LOT, but if you're a beta male, you can't even get a stable marriage. My personal decision to constantly study girlschase and improve myself came from this very threat of inequality and since I determined that having the woman I desire is that important (My marginal benefit), I am also willing to undergo the practice and resources needed to do this (My marginal cost). I wanted to have a simple seduction life just like my parents did, but I realized this isn't possible anymore and that's why I came here. As such, my preference on sexual freedom will probably be that of not favoring it at first, but then as I get better with women, I will continue to support it. It's much like a communist not supporting communism once he becomes rich. It's all about what favors whom, not what's right or wrong.

Anonymous's picture

The World Has Changed


I discovered the red pill several years ago. In doing so, I realized that personal change not only touches one facet of life but many. That is, the skills needed to seduce women are similar to the ones needed for entrepreneurship (eg, learning how to sell yourself, convincing other people to give your money, be in a constant state of learning and improvement, always reading, etc). I said it once and I'll say it again. I wish that Girls Chase existed 5 years earlier than it did, for my life would be vastly different.

That being said, many men these days have been corrupted by the influence of the blue pill media. Many of us, including me, believed for the longest time that all we need do is work hard. Love, happiness, and fulfillment will be side-effects of that hard work. Yet, as my friends and I neared 40, that love, that happiness, and that fulfillment still eluded us. One friend, who never had a girlfriend, eventually committed himself temporarily to psychological care because he started having suicidal thoughts.

I myself was borderline suffering from depression. On top of that, I followed my barely educated parents advice of dating after graduating from college. When you've held off dating because of your well-meaning parents and try to get into it, you face a huge learning curve. I simply got scared and refused to even try. As a result of a confluence of factors, I felt emasculated. (This is why I mentioned that had Girls Chase existed earlier, my life would be very different.) I knew I had hit rock bottom when one day I had my first suicidal thought. That was also the day my life started to turn around. I was fortunate enough to be intelligent enough to realize this. Over the next year, in between my chronic pain and countless visits to specialists trying to figure what was wrong with me, I delved heavily into self-improvement books. During this time, I discovered Chase's site. His articles on overcoming depression really helped me during this difficult phase in my life. I also learned about the Law of Attraction from other places. I learned that happiness is a choice. Most importantly, over time I learned that sitting back and waiting for things to come to you is just so beta. Eventually, I even build up the courage to chase after my dreams, dreams that been on the backburner for decades.

Dreams are a funny thing. Once I learned to chase after them, finding that some just weren't my cup of tea, I started dreaming bigger and bigger, until one day, the biggest of them all, surfaced: entrepreneurship.

I'm still working on my own small business. Even though I have yet to turn a profit, I have absolute faith it will succeed. Success, after all, is 80% mental. Once you've made the decision to be successful, the rest is peer persistence, visualization, and faith. It's been an interesting journey in the sense that I've had to change many things about myself first before I could even conceive the notion that I could be a sexy man. For example, reading the sexy walk that Chase put out and the effect it's had on my life, with women checking me out, worked a ways towards helping me regain my masculinity. My journey has also made me a more open-minded and less angry person. More importantly, it has made me a happier person.

So, this is my story of how a site that teaches more than just picking up girls have had a profound influence on my life.

David Riley's picture

Glad to Hear


Hey Anon,

I'm glad to hear you managed to overcome your depression and walk the path to recovery. The road of self improvement can indeed be a harsh. I'm very grateful for this website myself. I look at it more than just a website though. It's a community of men who truly want to have better lives and become better men. The website is so insightful and the advice is so beneficial. On an interesting note the oldest article I found from the site is this one here. Anyway I wish you all the best in life.

Take care,

Just Dave

dw's picture

Very necessary article for


Very necessary article for me, discussing the topics of control, hedonism, and western society. This is where my own philosophical thoughts have brought me, but it's nice to read someone's views who has thought about it from the side I'd like to understand. I see a lot of thoughtlessness in the orgies and to me it somehow becomes less worrisome if I were confident in the depth of understanding in the psyches of all the bodies.

Driver's picture

Good Article Alek


I really enjoyed the article, but I really think you're first article on the secret society explains why we'll never have a sexually free society.

"It should be clear that society has no intention of guiding us toward a sexually liberated society. There are multiple reasons for that. The first reason being that a sexually free society will only enforce inequality"

This is probably going to be brutal for some to read, but here's what I think. We already have a sexually free society, but it is a secret society between attractive women(and most are) and the men they actually want to fuck, and I would wager that it's like this everywhere else in the world, because I believe that this is all human biology and nature, and has very little to do with culture. But it HAS to be kept secret from the providers.

The top men, the champs (Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods etc.), the very sexually attractive good looking men, the bosses (men with abundant resources and power), and the badasses (guys who literally just do whatever they want), they all fuck bitches all time. And even a tier or two down, the top guys that girls can access fuck bitches all the time. If you're not a top guy, and you have to be a provider, sucks to be you. But if you're a provider you're not going to be able to deal with the fact that your girl has probably fucked 5 times as many guys as you have fucked girls, and she will probably cheat on you if she knows you won't find out. I think women cheat way more than men, and I've seen them backwards rationalize it like pro's. It's really funny. Owen from RSD has a funny way of explaining this. He says that women fuck the champ behind the boyfriend of the chode. He says this is why humans have become so advanced because women choose the best genes and hide it from their provider, and I agree with him.

Even saying all that women still don't like to think of themselves as sluts. They have to be selective. If you look at it from the perspective of a woman, if she had access to fuck let's say Ryan Goesling (guy is super boss, celebrity, in his prime, super attractive, basically at the pinnacle), but she also has access to a great selection of top guys around her area, would she fuck any of the other really hot guys around? Probably not, at least not for a while. She would probably just fuck Ryan Goesling. Because, instinctively, she was just pumped full of the best genes she could get access too, and she doesn't want to risk being pumped full of five other great yet slightly inferior (ouch, haha) guy's genes and losing out on the one opportunity to have Ryan Goesling's kid. It doesn't pay for a woman to be slut, she has to be selective.

And there is another reason why women don't want to be a slut. It is bad news if a woman gets a reputation as a slut, because a high value provider (for example let's say a guy who makes $250-300k a year in the US) might come along, and choose a woman who is sexually prudent because the provider doesn't want risk raising another guy's kid. So the woman who is a slut will lose out potentially on a lifetime of resources and social status. And that will be far more beneficial in raising successful children, than will fucking a few too many of the top guys and having everyone find out about it.

Have you ever noticed how it REALLY bothers women to think that they are sluts? Most women, some older women don't care. That's one of the worst things in the world for most women. Even if you're completely non-judgmental about how fast she's hooking up with you, and you're not even in their social circle, so no one they know will find out. She still would absolute hate to think of herself as a slut. And I think this is an innate, natural part of a women, because being a slut is such a poor mating strategy, because it comes at the very real risk of losing out on a lifetime of resources and social status. That's why giving women plausible deniability throughout a seduction is so important.

I think if you try to give a frame that sexual freedom is an ideal in the course of a seduction you'll still get resistance with escalation because her anti-slut defense is innate.

It's innate because of the inequality of human nature. Because, and this is going to be fucked up but it's the truth, but there are a lot of providers out there raising the kids of sexually attractive men, of bosses, and champs, and this has to stay on the DL! The way I look at it is the provider is reproductively successful definitely, but he is also like a drone or a slave, because he raises the kids of real men. In essence he's like the top guy's bitch, because he's raising the top guy's kid.

What do you think would happen if all the providers out there realized this was the way of the world? Blood in the streets.

What would happen if we were sexually free and resources didn't matter? I don't think 80% of guys wouldn't get laid ever. Blood in the streets.

I've actually talked about this on other PUA forums, and half the guys on there absolutely cannot hack it that this is reality, and they'll start berating me. Funny thing is they'll call me a misogynist, and I'm just thinking dude I love women, haha, and they love me, and I'm actually trying to help you by telling you this, so that you step up your shit to become a top guy, but then they would have to take responsibility for their shit, and work, holy shit! Work! Anyways, haha, off that tangent.

A sexually free society would be awesome, I'd love it, but I just don't think it fits with reality, that being inequality, or human nature. Would love to hear your response. I always enjoy reading your articles.

Shann's picture

Being comfortable to discuss


Being comfortable to discuss sex is a great place to start. The more story's of others sexcapades, the less unusual yours/hers would seem. It would be easier finding life long partners that share similar turn ons, saving a lot of loneliness or shame. Spontaneous orgys because everyone was on the same page, then openly talk/joke about it the next day at work? Only if was open to discussion.
Thanks for talking about it.

David Riley's picture

Fun Times


Hey Shann,

I agree the idea of sporadic sex is very fun, I've had sex with girls in my social circle for being so chill about sex. I once introduced a girl I had sex with to my friend, they ended up hitting it off. She fucked him, and then asked me if I was cool with it. I told her I didn't mind, she was surprised by my remark and thought I would be jealous. He her ended up fucking again a month later. When you treat sex as normal and not a big deal girls will generally let you do what you want. When guys slut shame a girl for engaging in sex, she generally hides her sex drive. This only hurts them in the long run. Anyway good points you mentioned Shann.

Take care,

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

On "Double Standards" and Evolutionary Psychology


Hi Alek, great article just wanted to make one point:

"Women, as we know, get judged for being sexually active...I have found no answers so far other than the desire to control females’ sexuality so that a man could secure his wife only to himself"

The answer is that for the 1.2 billion years sexual reproduction has existed, females who slept with promiscuous males were still guaranteed to have their own children, whereas males who slept with promiscuous females greatly reduced their chances of having genetic offspring.

Over the course of hundreds of millions of years of evolution, this threat was just as dangerous to a male's chance of passing on his DNA as was the chance of getting killed by any predator. Think about how ingrained the fear of spiders and snakes is in the human psyche. Then realize that this male-female dynamic existed for hundreds of millions of years before the genetic lineage of humans, spiders, and snakes even diverged.

Those who try to explain such deep and universal human archetypes by implicating culture are doomed to mischaracterize their world.

To attempt to preempt any criticism of this evolutionary approach on the ground that humans have developed rationality and as such are no longer beholden to these evolutionary impulses, let me add this.
Rationality can only give us the most efficient means to an ends, it cannot give us our wants or our desires. Rationality in a vacuum would do nothing, and would be nothing. It is only when rationality is given a pain/pleasure dichotomy to maximize that it can begin to function. As such, humans as rational beings cannot overcome their evolutionary desires but rather only fulfill these desires with greater efficiency.

A scientific view's picture

Hi, to continue this subject,


Hi,

to continue this subject, let me start iwth introducing a book which I read in which there are a lot of useful concepts, although the books is about catching women it also explains a lot about human nture and mating ritual:

The Tao of Badass
(the name really isn't representative of the actual value and quality of the book)

Now let's dive in to a concept that explains the problem. So the basic idea of the concept is that the system in which search for our mate is: men approach women and women filter out men based on their qualities.

Attractive men have a good "approach mechanism" and that approach mechanism manifests itself by men sleeping with a lot of women, but when it comes to women, attractive women are supposed to have a good "filter mechanism", and a "filter mechanism" manifests itself by not sleeping with a lot of men.

Furthermore not only do women have a physical predisposition to mating with a lot of men but a social one which come form the nature of the whole mating/finding a partner system.

The final conclusion is that sexually active women are judged not because "a man could secure his wife only to himself" or any other conscious reason but beacuse of the subconscious reason of the women not sticking to the unwritten rules written by nature and thus being perceived unattractive, furthemore this conclusion can be seen by observing that sexually active women aren't only being judged by men who have their interests in women not being sexually active but by women too.

David Riley's picture

I Like this Thread


Hello All,

I just wanted to continue the discussion with you because I found it very interesting. I've noticed that I slept with more girls when I don't treat sex like a big deal. A lot of men are so desperate for sex that they virtually with do anything for it. When women see this they become so turned off by the man. Part of the reason is he's showing a lack of options and self control. Women already know men want to sleep with them, but they still want to enjoy the chase. I've been told by women that I make things exciting and take them on emotional roller coasters. I've asked some girls what they meant by that and they respond, "You act like you care but then sometimes you don't, it drives me crazy."

I really like getting that response from women. Sometimes women will chase me harder to see if I actually do want to sleep with them. It's known women don't take rejection well, but I'm not rejecting them. I just like being the one who's chased. :P When women ask me what I want with them, I just say "I'm just here to chill and then well see." Anyway I have digressed a bit, but overall I do like this discussion thread.

Take care,

Just Dave

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