In the seductions of every man, there comes a time when his woman begins to object. “What are you doing?” she’ll say. “I don’t think we should be doing this.” “We can’t do this, it’s too soon.” “We can’t do this, we’re friends.”
Most of the time, this stops men cold, freezing them in their tracks with no recourse and no idea what to say or do. “Crap,” the guy thinks. “She’s protesting. What do I do now??” So, rather than take uncertain action with uncertain effects, he does nothing, and nothing happens, and the girl leaves. The seduction is forfeit, and he has lost his girl.
But objections don’t have to mark the end of a seduction. In fact, you can actually use objections to make a girl want you more, and make her more certain that you’re the man for her. And it all ties back to some psychological basics to understand why.
Getting Objections is a Good Thing
Late in the year 2001, after I’d graduated from high school, my boss at the tire store I worked for plucked me from the back of the shop to have me be more than a simple grunt working on cars, and started sending me to sales training. Sales training was great for me; at a time I still struggled mightily with people, it gave me some tools to use in all kinds of situations that extended outside of sales.
One of the most important lessons I took away from my sales training that year was about addressing objections. “Most people,” my sales instructor said, “cringe when they get an objection. They shut down and stutter and stammer and they lose the sale. But not us. We love objections. Know why?” None of us did. “We love objections because,” he continued, “objections give us the chance to sell the customer on the product further.”
He explained that when a customer raised an objection, that wasn’t a problem – it was an opportunity. An opportunity to talk more about the product. An opportunity to showcase more of its features and explain more of its benefits. An opportunity to bring the customer one step farther from “no” and one step closer to “yes.”
Objections tell you she’s thinking about it. Objections mean she’s on the fence. If she’s made up her mind and decided she wants you she says “yes,” if she’s made up her mind and decided she isn’t interested she simply leaves. If she’s resisting but staying put though – that girl, you know she’s still trying to decide.
And that’s where a lot of guys mess up. They think because the girl is objecting, that she’s already decided she isn’t interested in them. But that’s not what it means. Objections mean she’s looking to you for more information; she needs to know more to make her decision.
If you were in my store in 2004 once I’d become one of the top salesman in the region and I was showing you the Goodyear Assurance TripleTred, and I’d already explained that this was the best tire on the market, had the best wet weather traction, the best snow and ice traction, the smoothest, quietest ride, and it was cheaper than the leading Michelin MXV4 Plus, and we could get those tires on for you right now and have you out and finished in thirty minutes or we’d give you thirty dollars off the total price, and you raised the objection that they cost too much, I wouldn’t hang my head, give up, and sell you some piece-of-crap, dirt cheap Superides instead.
Nope. I’d explain to you that yes, tires are a bit of an investment, but that’s because that’s exactly what they are – an investment. An investment in your enjoyment of your ride. An investment in your vehicle. And an investment in your safety. And then I’d tell you about our 30 day, 300 mile guarantee, and that you could try these tires out for that period and bring them back if you weren’t happy and exchange them for something else, no questions asked. And customers would almost always say yes to this, and once the tires were on a car, no one ever brought them back.
The thing is, you can’t sell yourself exactly the same way you’d sell a product. If you stand there and list all your great features and how they’ll benefit the girl you’re wooing, she’s going to be turned off at the pomposity of it all and want nothing to do with you. But you definitely can use objections as an opportunity to sell a girl further on you. You just need to address objections women have about you a little differently than you would address objections a woman has about a product.
In this post, we’re going to discuss three different methods for disarming women’s objections:
- The Hard Push,
- Throwing Back the Objection, and
- Forcing Decisions
The Hard Push
The sales technique I demonstrated in above in talking about selling tires is called a “push.” This is when you logically list out information and rationale for why a buyer should buy, then ask or tell her to buy.
We talked about the hard push before in “Don’t Let Her Go,” primarily about how to turn around situations where a girl is walking away or prepared to leave you, as well as in “Persist in Your Insistence.” You can use the hard push in all kinds of instances, from opening to closing.
The way the hard push works, basically, is like this: a girl states her reluctance to do something, or her outright refusal, and begins to withdraw or walk away. You then insist, calmly, gently, but firmly and invitingly, that she not leave and instead come with you. Here’s an example:
Girl: [getting up to leave] I’m going to head back to my friends.
You: Sit with me a few more minutes.
Girl: I have to go. They’re probably worried about me!
You: Sit a few more minutes, then you can go. If they’re worried, they’ll give you a call.
Girl: But they’re probably wondering where I am!
You: Another three minutes of missing you isn’t going to kill them. Sit back down.
All this is said in a very warm, calm, friendly, inviting tone, with a warm, sexy smile. If done right, women will almost always comply.
You’re in a push situation if inaction will lead to you losing the girl. That is, if she isn’t opening properly and will not talk to you without a push, or if she’s leaving you and will be gone without a push, or if she isn’t planning to come with you and you’ll lose her without a push, or if you’re demanding compliance and it’ll set very bad precedent that leads to her losing interest in you without a push. When you’re in the do-or-die moment where you’re about to lose a girl, using the hard push can oftentimes change the course of a seduction.
Throwing Back the Objection
Not every situation is do-or-die, though. What do you do when a woman objects to you, but she isn’t about to leave? For instance, when you’re sitting on a couch with a girl and she says, “We shouldn’t do this, we’re friends and it wouldn’t be right,” or when you’re lying in bed together and you’re physically escalating and she says, “It’s too soon, I don’t think we should do this” – what do you do then?
In situations like that, you can use something I call throwing back the objection. It’s a very simple but very powerful response to objections like this. The only things you need to pull it off are:
- The ability to be a little bit of a wiseass, in a warm and sexy way, and
- The ability to ask questions.
All you do with this one is, when you get an objection, you turn on the charm – and then toss the objection back to the girl. Looks like this:
Girl: We shouldn’t do this.
You: Oh, what should we do?
Said with a smile and a wink of course. Here’s another example:
Girl: I don’t know if we should do this.
You: Yeah, of course not. We should totally get up and go play a game of checkers.
One more, this one a longer example:
Girl: I don’t think we should move too fast.
You: Oh, really? How fast should we move then?
Girl: I don’t know! Just not this fast!
You: Right, of course not. Because moving this fast would be terrible. We should probably wait a few weeks or something.
After you throw these objections back at the girl, you then pause and stare at her for a moment, then pick up where you left off with your escalation. This is especially potent when you’re getting last minute resistance (LMR), or really any kind of resistance where the girl is already in a position where she’s more or less entrenched with you and is just having some final reservations before taking the plunge.
Why does throwing back the objection work so well? Two reasons, basically:
- You’re short-circuiting her logic, and
- You’re demonstrating a lot of attractive, powerful qualities.
The “we shouldn’t do this” objective isn’t actually based out of any kind of logic, and when you ask a girl, “What should we be doing?” she’s unable to come up with a satisfactory answer, and then mentally accepts that maybe you should be doing what you’re doing. Similarly, when you use a silly alternative, like, “So you think we should stop and go play Monopoly?” she’s forced to accept that what she’s doing with you is a lot more enjoyable than a game of Monopoly, and thus becomes far more inclined to accept your advances.
And, when you respond in a calm, confident, sexy way, you display all the primary characteristics that she’s looking for in a man, and in particular, in the type of man she’ll go to bed with quickly. She realizes you aren’t going to back down so easily, and that makes her feel more comfortable both that you believe what you’re doing is right, and that you’re the kind of man she should be together with.
There’s one final tactic you can use for addressing women’s objections: forcing a decision. This one’s best when you have a girl who’s on the fence, and you’re relatively sure likes you, but she’s absolutely not budging no matter what you do and you’re at the end of your wits. Rather than give up or go crazy, you force her to decide then and there how she’ll proceed.
So, if you’re trying to get a girl to go sit with you, and she’s absolutely refusing or being flighty or saying, “But my friends…” and complaining that she can’t leave them, you should know already that if she doesn’t move with you, the interaction is dead. So since you’ve nothing to lose, you might as well try to force a decision regardless, and that looks like this:
Girl: I’m sorry, I can’t, I really can’t leave my friends…
You: Look, I like you. I think you’re cool people, and I enjoy talking to you. I’m going to go sit down over there now; so what’s it going to be – are you going to let me walk away, possibly forever, or are you going to come?
You might get a “no,” but you also might get a “yes.” I’ve had this work a surprising number of times with girls who were hard cases and refusing to do what I wanted them to do. By putting them there in the moment and forcing them to make a decision though, you force them to crunch some numbers in their heads and decide: do I like this guy enough to go do what he wants to do instead of what I thought I wanted to do? Or not really?
Note that there’s a distinct structure to how you structure your decision push. These parts are all necessary:
- A qualifying statement,
- What you’re going to do,
- The suggestion that this may be her only chance to do it with you, and
- Asking her to make a decision.
The qualifying statement is the, “Look, I like you. I think you’re cool people, and I enjoy talking to you,” part of the above. It’s where you help her understand why you want to keep spending time with her.
What you’re going to do is where you make it clear to her what the next step is to be.
The suggestion that this may be her only chance to do it with you (“I’m going to go sit down over there” – you’re walking away from her; “Are you going to let me walk away, possibly forever?” – she may never see you again if she lets you walk away) forces her to judge whether she cares enough about pursuing things with you further to sideline other things in her life or find a way to make things happen with you.
Asking her to make a decision is, of course, how you get a decision out of her on the spot. That’s the “forcing a decision” part of forcing a decision.
Do this right and it can be quite effective. One more example – this one with a girl you’ve been struggling mightily with during physical escalation in bed:
Girl: I just don’t think we should do this.
You: All right, stop, look. I like you. I think you’re really cool people. I’m really glad we’re together right now. I don’t know what tomorrow brings, but I do know that if we don’t get together now, we probably never get together because that’s just how things usually end up. So, I guess, what I’m asking is… do you want me or not?
You should let your voice get very soft and tender but still sexy at the end of that, because you don’t want to seem pushy. If you say it right, you’ll almost always get a, “Yes, I want you,” to it.
Then you respond with: “Then let’s be together.” And then there, you’re done.
Those are your tools for addressing objections, and they’re all quite powerful. Again, they’re:
- The Hard Push,
- Throwing Back the Objection, and
- Forcing Decisions.
Use these well and you’ll come to start relishing objections as you begin to see – to really see – that objections are not rejections. They’re just requests for a little more help deciding from a girl who’s about to dive in head first. So don’t be afraid of objections – they’re a good thing to get. Use them, instead, to help you and the girl you like get together.