Secrets to Getting Girls: Addressing Women's Objections


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In the seductions of every man, there comes a time when his woman begins to object. “What are you doing?” she’ll say. “I don’t think we should be doing this.” “We can’t do this, it’s too soon.” “We can’t do this, we’re friends.”

Most of the time, this stops men cold, freezing them in their tracks with no recourse and no idea what to say or do. “Crap,” the guy thinks. “She’s protesting. What do I do now??” So, rather than take uncertain action with uncertain effects, he does nothing, and nothing happens, and the girl leaves. The seduction is forfeit, and he has lost his girl.

But objections don’t have to mark the end of a seduction. In fact, you can actually use objections to make a girl want you more, and make her more certain that you’re the man for her. And it all ties back to some psychological basics to understand why.



Getting Objections is a Good Thing

Late in the year 2001, after I’d graduated from high school, my boss at the tire store I worked for plucked me from the back of the shop to have me be more than a simple grunt working on cars, and started sending me to sales training. Sales training was great for me; at a time I still struggled mightily with people, it gave me some tools to use in all kinds of situations that extended outside of sales.

One of the most important lessons I took away from my sales training that year was about addressing objections. “Most people,” my sales instructor said, “cringe when they get an objection. They shut down and stutter and stammer and they lose the sale. But not us. We love objections. Know why?” None of us did. “We love objections because,” he continued, “objections give us the chance to sell the customer on the product further.

He explained that when a customer raised an objection, that wasn’t a problem – it was an opportunity. An opportunity to talk more about the product. An opportunity to showcase more of its features and explain more of its benefits. An opportunity to bring the customer one step farther from “no” and one step closer to “yes.”

Objections tell you she’s thinking about it. Objections mean she’s on the fence. If she’s made up her mind and decided she wants you she says “yes,” if she’s made up her mind and decided she isn’t interested she simply leaves. If she’s resisting but staying put though – that girl, you know she’s still trying to decide.

And that’s where a lot of guys mess up. They think because the girl is objecting, that she’s already decided she isn’t interested in them. But that’s not what it means. Objections mean she’s looking to you for more information; she needs to know more to make her decision.

If you were in my store in 2004 once I’d become one of the top salesman in the region and I was showing you the Goodyear Assurance TripleTred, and I’d already explained that this was the best tire on the market, had the best wet weather traction, the best snow and ice traction, the smoothest, quietest ride, and it was cheaper than the leading Michelin MXV4 Plus, and we could get those tires on for you right now and have you out and finished in thirty minutes or we’d give you thirty dollars off the total price, and you raised the objection that they cost too much, I wouldn’t hang my head, give up, and sell you some piece-of-crap, dirt cheap Superides instead.

Nope. I’d explain to you that yes, tires are a bit of an investment, but that’s because that’s exactly what they are – an investment. An investment in your enjoyment of your ride. An investment in your vehicle. And an investment in your safety. And then I’d tell you about our 30 day, 300 mile guarantee, and that you could try these tires out for that period and bring them back if you weren’t happy and exchange them for something else, no questions asked. And customers would almost always say yes to this, and once the tires were on a car, no one ever brought them back.

The thing is, you can’t sell yourself exactly the same way you’d sell a product. If you stand there and list all your great features and how they’ll benefit the girl you’re wooing, she’s going to be turned off at the pomposity of it all and want nothing to do with you. But you definitely can use objections as an opportunity to sell a girl further on you. You just need to address objections women have about you a little differently than you would address objections a woman has about a product.

In this post, we’re going to discuss three different methods for disarming women’s objections:

  • The Hard Push,
  • Throwing Back the Objection, and
  • Forcing Decisions



The Hard Push

The sales technique I demonstrated in above in talking about selling tires is called a “push.” This is when you logically list out information and rationale for why a buyer should buy, then ask or tell her to buy.

We talked about the hard push before in “Don’t Let Her Go,” primarily about how to turn around situations where a girl is walking away or prepared to leave you, as well as in “Persist in Your Insistence.” You can use the hard push in all kinds of instances, from opening to closing.

The way the hard push works, basically, is like this: a girl states her reluctance to do something, or her outright refusal, and begins to withdraw or walk away. You then insist, calmly, gently, but firmly and invitingly, that she not leave and instead come with you. Here’s an example:

Girl: [getting up to leave] I’m going to head back to my friends.

You: Sit with me a few more minutes.

Girl: I have to go. They’re probably worried about me!

You: Sit a few more minutes, then you can go. If they’re worried, they’ll give you a call.

Girl: But they’re probably wondering where I am!

You: Another three minutes of missing you isn’t going to kill them. Sit back down.

All this is said in a very warm, calm, friendly, inviting tone, with a warm, sexy smile. If done right, women will almost always comply.

You’re in a push situation if inaction will lead to you losing the girl. That is, if she isn’t opening properly and will not talk to you without a push, or if she’s leaving you and will be gone without a push, or if she isn’t planning to come with you and you’ll lose her without a push, or if you’re demanding compliance and it’ll set very bad precedent that leads to her losing interest in you without a push. When you’re in the do-or-die moment where you’re about to lose a girl, using the hard push can oftentimes change the course of a seduction.



Throwing Back the Objection

Not every situation is do-or-die, though. What do you do when a woman objects to you, but she isn’t about to leave? For instance, when you’re sitting on a couch with a girl and she says, “We shouldn’t do this, we’re friends and it wouldn’t be right,” or when you’re lying in bed together and you’re physically escalating and she says, “It’s too soon, I don’t think we should do this” – what do you do then?

In situations like that, you can use something I call throwing back the objection. It’s a very simple but very powerful response to objections like this. The only things you need to pull it off are:

  • The ability to be a little bit of a wiseass, in a warm and sexy way, and
  • The ability to ask questions.

All you do with this one is, when you get an objection, you turn on the charm – and then toss the objection back to the girl. Looks like this:

Girl: We shouldn’t do this.

You: Oh, what should we do?

Said with a smile and a wink of course. Here’s another example:

Girl: I don’t know if we should do this.

You: Yeah, of course not. We should totally get up and go play a game of checkers.

One more, this one a longer example:

Girl: I don’t think we should move too fast.

You: Oh, really? How fast should we move then?

Girl: I don’t know! Just not this fast!

You: Right, of course not. Because moving this fast would be terrible. We should probably wait a few weeks or something.

After you throw these objections back at the girl, you then pause and stare at her for a moment, then pick up where you left off with your escalation. This is especially potent when you’re getting last minute resistance (LMR), or really any kind of resistance where the girl is already in a position where she’s more or less entrenched with you and is just having some final reservations before taking the plunge.

Why does throwing back the objection work so well? Two reasons, basically:

  1. You’re short-circuiting her logic, and
  2. You’re demonstrating a lot of attractive, powerful qualities.

The “we shouldn’t do this” objective isn’t actually based out of any kind of logic, and when you ask a girl, “What should we be doing?” she’s unable to come up with a satisfactory answer, and then mentally accepts that maybe you should be doing what you’re doing. Similarly, when you use a silly alternative, like, “So you think we should stop and go play Monopoly?” she’s forced to accept that what she’s doing with you is a lot more enjoyable than a game of Monopoly, and thus becomes far more inclined to accept your advances.

And, when you respond in a calm, confident, sexy way, you display all the primary characteristics that she’s looking for in a man, and in particular, in the type of man she’ll go to bed with quickly. She realizes you aren’t going to back down so easily, and that makes her feel more comfortable both that you believe what you’re doing is right, and that you’re the kind of man she should be together with.



Forcing Decisions

There’s one final tactic you can use for addressing women’s objections: forcing a decision. This one’s best when you have a girl who’s on the fence, and you’re relatively sure likes you, but she’s absolutely not budging no matter what you do and you’re at the end of your wits. Rather than give up or go crazy, you force her to decide then and there how she’ll proceed.

So, if you’re trying to get a girl to go sit with you, and she’s absolutely refusing or being flighty or saying, “But my friends…” and complaining that she can’t leave them, you should know already that if she doesn’t move with you, the interaction is dead. So since you’ve nothing to lose, you might as well try to force a decision regardless, and that looks like this:

Girl: I’m sorry, I can’t, I really can’t leave my friends…

You: Look, I like you. I think you’re cool people, and I enjoy talking to you. I’m going to go sit down over there now; so what’s it going to be – are you going to let me walk away, possibly forever, or are you going to come?

You might get a “no,” but you also might get a “yes.” I’ve had this work a surprising number of times with girls who were hard cases and refusing to do what I wanted them to do. By putting them there in the moment and forcing them to make a decision though, you force them to crunch some numbers in their heads and decide: do I like this guy enough to go do what he wants to do instead of what I thought I wanted to do? Or not really?

Note that there’s a distinct structure to how you structure your decision push. These parts are all necessary:

  • A qualifying statement,
  • What you’re going to do,
  • The suggestion that this may be her only chance to do it with you, and
  • Asking her to make a decision.

The qualifying statement is the, “Look, I like you. I think you’re cool people, and I enjoy talking to you,” part of the above. It’s where you help her understand why you want to keep spending time with her.

What you’re going to do is where you make it clear to her what the next step is to be.

The suggestion that this may be her only chance to do it with you (“I’m going to go sit down over there” – you’re walking away from her; “Are you going to let me walk away, possibly forever?” – she may never see you again if she lets you walk away) forces her to judge whether she cares enough about pursuing things with you further to sideline other things in her life or find a way to make things happen with you.

Asking her to make a decision is, of course, how you get a decision out of her on the spot. That’s the “forcing a decision” part of forcing a decision.

Do this right and it can be quite effective. One more example – this one with a girl you’ve been struggling mightily with during physical escalation in bed:

Girl: I just don’t think we should do this.

You: All right, stop, look. I like you. I think you’re really cool people. I’m really glad we’re together right now. I don’t know what tomorrow brings, but I do know that if we don’t get together now, we probably never get together because that’s just how things usually end up. So, I guess, what I’m asking is… do you want me or not?

You should let your voice get very soft and tender but still sexy at the end of that, because you don’t want to seem pushy. If you say it right, you’ll almost always get a, “Yes, I want you,” to it.

Then you respond with: “Then let’s be together.” And then there, you’re done.

~~~~~~~~~~

Those are your tools for addressing objections, and they’re all quite powerful. Again, they’re:

  • The Hard Push,
  • Throwing Back the Objection, and
  • Forcing Decisions.

Use these well and you’ll come to start relishing objections as you begin to see – to really see – that objections are not rejections. They’re just requests for a little more help deciding from a girl who’s about to dive in head first. So don’t be afraid of objections – they’re a good thing to get. Use them, instead, to help you and the girl you like get together.

Yours,
Chase Amante

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Comments

Michael's picture

Objections; The hard push


Really, why bother. A girl is not a hard sell situation. Unless you're really hooked. But, there are plenty of girls. Personally, nowadays, I'm easy on it. If she is interested, I can choose! The hard sell, or push, is just egotism!

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Objections; The hard push

Author

Hey Michael,

Good comment. This is an objection I've heard raised before: "Why bother?"

Hmm, well, we're getting into more philosophical territory here. I wouldn't offer the hard push as something everyone ought to do, just like I wouldn't advocate everyone has to open direct or everyone has to try to bed girls as fast as possible. If it suits your goals, way cool; if not, plenty of other paths to take as well.

That said, the hard push will get you results that a more laissez-faire stance simply won't get in some situations. Of the women I've slept with over the past two years, somewhere between 1/3 and 1/2 of those have been hard pushes. They were girls who were ambivalent about me, or didn't like moving too fast, or I'd made some mistake somewhere along the line and they wanted to walk away.

Now, you could certainly let girls who want to walk away walk away. If your attitude is really, "I'm easy on it; it doesn't much matter," I can understand why you might not get why other guys would want to sell harder and close deals against the odds.

I will say that those girls that you hard sell and manage to bed and give a spectacular time to though, they often end up being the ones who go craziest for you afterward.

I had a girlfriend for 2 1/2 years who frequently reflected upon the fact that she'd been doing everything she could to distance herself from me and that we almost didn't end up together, but for the Herculean push I put in to get us together. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me," she'd say, "I can't believe I almost missed it!"

It was a lot of work for me to get us together, but she was one of the best girls I was ever with. I ended up quite glad I didn't miss being together with her too.

So, I suppose, use your judgment. I don't push hard for girls who aren't worth at least a good night together. At the same time, the more you do this, the less it feels like "work" and the more it feels like just running through the process. Just like you get used to opening and screening and inviting girls home after a while and it all goes from scary and intimidating and difficult to second nature and maybe even enjoyable, so it goes with the hard push.

Not necessary to learn, then, but something that will decidedly boost your results if you learn it. And, if you've ever sat there and watched a girl you liked get up and walk away, and wished she wouldn't, learning this skill is how you empower yourself to not have to sit there and hope, but rather get up and do something about it. Just knowing that you can do it if you have to do it, I think, is worth learning for a lot of guys. I know it was for me.

Cheers,
Chase

Mary's picture

You are right, a lot of


You are right, a lot of getting what we want in life is our ego at play but there is one reason why you should use these techniques and that is how you look to the rest of us girls at that party/club etc.

If she walks away, believe me the rest of us girls are watching and your value has dropped significantly! The woman you are with and the way she behaves with you gives you much of the value we put in you. I can assure you there are many unattractive men out there women are all quietly craving for and why you ask because the woman on his arm seems happy and content and we want the same for our selves even if he is fat and ugly. Trust me on this one.

Also if you aren't working towards a woman she is of low value to begin with. Dont you deserve more. Isn't in your biological make up to appreciate something that took effort to obtain.

If you are weak, sure move on to the promiscious little tart who every guy has enjoyed or else put in a bit more effort and obtain the girl who wants you but wants a bit of effort on your part. She is not playing games, she just wants to know she is desired enough and that you have the intelligence and strength to lead her. No one wants a weak man who walks away at the hint of a little battle.

Having said all that, if the girl is young, vulnerable or in a position you wouldn't want your sister in, back off and move on just be the first to walk away so your value stays in tact for your next victim....erhem lady.

Love this website!

Sam's picture

This is awesome


Love it how you explained it. Meticulous and deep.
I wish I read this before yesterday as I had two girls walking away from me. These were the ones that I thought I had great connection with, they liked me, they laughed at my jokes. Heck it could even work if the girl says she "sort of in a relationship with someone". Means she is not sure but wouldn't give her number. And I had nothing to say to that. Countless times I had nothing to say as the girl I've been talking to and making her laugh her ass off go away to join her friends.

Chase Amante's picture

Re: This is awesome

Author

Thanks Sam. Objections are great, when you're good at dealing with them. When you're still a little rough around the edges though, they can be a huge pain.

For sure, being able to address objections effectively can make all the difference between those girls laughing and enjoying your presence walking away -- or sticking around.

And for the record, if a girl told me she was "sort of" in a relationship, I'd press her hard to define that -- A) because it's fun, and B) because it often gets girls seeing you as a hell of an attractive guy who isn't intimidated at all by what she says.

Girl: I'm sort of in a relationship.

You: Sort of? What does that mean, exactly?

Girl: Well... just sort of.

You: Wait. So are you in a relationship...? Or aren't you...?

Girl: Well, I kind of am.

You: Like, some guy climbs into your window every night, but you never tell your folks, and since it's not official you're calling it a "sort of" relationship -- something like that?

Girl: Haha, not really.

You: So does that mean if *I* climb in your window and you don't tell your parents about it, that's okay? Since that spot isn't taken right now?

Yeah, something like that :D

Chase

kkwickweezy's picture

Haha that was a great line..


Haha that was a great line.. and the stuff your writing about is definitly making me feel like I got a chance. I always see these lame ass dudes getting with the finest girls and im over thinking to myself how the hell is that guy with her?? I have had only 2 girlfriends in my life =(, longest relationship was 2 years, and I just messed up on any other girls that liked me thru out my life(24 yrs old) and now im single again an just have no confidence when it comes to talking to woman. As you would probably say it, my skills are weak. And I hve been obsessing over sex too porn has become an addiction but im sick of it. Lately, I been feeling like I lost my personality and any skills I did have since my last relationship because I just become depressed after that. But I am dying over here for some female company.. Hope as I keep reading that I can overcome this.. Thanks man

sam's picture

Chase I think you will


Chase I think you will definitely help solve my biggest issues yet. Thank You!

Jorb's picture

Last-Minute Resistance, in a Specific Situation


Hey Chase,

I really appreciate the time you put in to help on this website! I would really, really appreciate it if you could take the time to help with a couple of questions I have. It shouldn't take more than about 5 minutes because, while the description of the scenario I've given you is long, I don't have tons of questions- I (think I) know what I'm doing pretty well, but I need help with one or two minor things.

I met a very sweet girl at a party last weekend, took her number, met up with her for coffee, and we got along great. After about 45 minutes, I took her to my apartment (which is a block away from the coffee place and three blocks away from the large, urban university we both go to- she for undergrad nursing, I for law). We made out and moved to my bedroom (I do miss the studio, you're right, but it was fine :)... I unhooked her bra and felt around, and when I started to pull her shirt up (a crewneck, so pulling it down would have been impossible), she said, "I really don't think we should go any farther... is that okay?" and I said, "Yeah, sure!" calmly and smiled, and I said, "I'm going to see you again, right?" because I could tell she was very into me, and she said "YEAH!" very enthusiastically, and she said, "I just feel like I don't really know you yet," in as sweet, flirtatious, and interested-sounding a way I've ever heard a girl say that, and I stroked her hair and said, "We wouldn't want you to go into class with your hair all messed up, would we?", calmly, with a grin, (because the clock next my bed told me she had to be in class in about 20 minutes) and kissed (and ran my hands over her) passionately. We also escalated from that to what I think you, on your website, call indirect vaginal rubbing, or something like that, and her getting on top of me, which she's very into. There are lots of possible things to consider here. She's only 21 (I'm 24), and she's in nursing school, so she's completely surrounded by girls and no guys, much less guys who are aggressive in the slightest. She's by far the most attractive of her friends and seems to be one of those girls who for whatever reason doesn't latch onto female friends based on their appearance... maybe because she has 5 siblings all close in age to her.

You may argue that I should have pushed it further then; it's possible that I should have. Considering I only had 20 minutes, though, I thought it would be better to wait till next time rather than force her into deeper LMR and then have her leave and go off to class with the last idea in her mind that she had rejected something and I had been weak, and I think that, given my decision, what I said was pretty good, but I'm curious what you think.

What is your analysis of this situation (prospects, tips, constructive criticism)?

We have a date set up for Saturday and my thought was to keep it very simple because of your general advice and especially because she's an undergrad, so she's not used to real dates, and she's in a school full of girls, so she's REALLY not used to real dates. The idea would then be to take her home soon after getting some food at a bar a block away from my apartment/her school, then watch a movie/"watch a movie" in the apartment. Under the situation I've outlined, what would you recommend I do to avoid or, if it happens, deal with LMR: something to say if she repeats the thing about not really knowing me yet (which she said in the least nervous way possible, with a smile on her face), specifically how to deal with the shirt (should I go for her pants first?), etc.?

For what it's worth, I don't care about how long it takes, per se - only to the extent that I think, as you say, if it takes too long to have sex, she's might lose interest or feel awkward.

Thanks, man!

Nelson's picture

Boyfriends


What to do in the case of boyfriends?

I'll spare you the story, but the only reason she isn't my girlfriend is that she has a boyfriend with whom she thinks she's in love, took her virginity, all that shit. They've been together for about five months. I've wooed her, had her say she likes me, done everything right, but now she pulls the boyfriend card.

What I'm asking is how to break them up (honorably) and steal her?

I'm sure you've done this plenty of times haha.

BW's picture

Just what the doctor ordered


Man, this article is exactly what's been on my mind. Ran into the hardest objection of my life last weekend--"you can stay at my place, but...don't expect anything" and totally flubbed it. This girl has always been very sly and subtle with me, so such a hard objection/rejection really threw me for a loop. In retrospect, I knew I should have thrown it back at her (mock indignation, "why Madame, just what sort of gentleman do you take me for?") before I even read the article. Thanks for writing my thoughts out for me, the validation is just what I needed.

DavidS's picture

how to know if a objection is real ?


This site has changed my whole life. I am not only talking about the relationship with woman but the way how I see the world .
Great work Chase!!!

Since my English isn't perfect, let me get to the point . An objection that I have to deal with very often is the " I am sick :(" objection, and it looks like this:

She shows attraction for you, and she has already agreed going out with you, but when you send a text the day before the date she responds:
" I am sick :("
This should be a natural thing, but this happened to me so often that I get suspicious. Who can I know if this is true ? or is just an objection ?

You can't do the "The Hard Push", because if she is really sick it may be rude.
Throwing Back the Objection doesn't work in this case.
You have to "Force Decisions" , but in a soft way. I tried something like this :

me: "... Want to grab that drink we talked about tomorrow?"
She: " I am sick :("
me :"What's Happening? no problem I am a good nurse , I can take care of you ;) "

(I am not a real nurse , just flirtation :) )

then if she responds that she has some kind of disease it provably should be true , but if she flirt you back it probably is just an objection and it's time to "Force Decisions".

Even though I still don't understand why this objection happens so often to me the "Force Decision" work most of the time.
This appended even with girls that we have kissed or even with girls that we already slept together.
This objection also happens to you Chase ?
What would you do in that case ?

kapil's picture

how do you advance after a hard push


Hey chase,

I've read lots of your posts and Your knowledge about girls is so deep man! and you explain so nicely too, thank you very much for putting up this site, its been very helpful

I have a question though, what to do when a girl who was getting up to leave is settled again after been given a hard push, How do I advance with her without it being too odd Or not making her feel too uncomfortable?
It would be very helpful if u explained it with a scenario

Thank you!

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