Ever find yourself wondering just how to make the women you want want you?
The truth is, making women want you isn't as Herculean an undertaking as you might think from watching TV and the movies. You don't have to win a race, or make a million dollars, or give yourself a makeover (although if you can, don't let me stop you!). But you do need to have somewhat of an idea of what you're doing -- of what women need -- and of how best to give it to them.
If you're a regular guy living a regular day-to-day life, you'd be forgiven for thinking that women are busily immersed in their own lives and hardly ever notice anyone or anything else. But the fact is, women are just like men -- they have crushes, they get infatuated, someone with the right looks or qualities or intangibles catches their eyes and they fall for him.
And it isn't just male models that women fall for. Just like it isn't magazine celebrities you spend most of your time sweating over, dreaming about, and imagining a romance with, so it is with women -- they aren't dreaming about guys on reality TV; they're dreaming about real men, in their own real lives.
Making women want you, then, isn't about becoming the most amazing man in the world. Instead, it's much more about becoming the most amazing man in the room -- and if you've got even a semblance of a commitment to self-improvement, I'm quite confident we can get you there... probably pretty fast.
For that reason, I've put together 10 killer tips to make women want you. By the end of this post, I'm betting you'll find yourself glancing at that cute girl you keep running into with a new twinkle in your eye -- and I bet she'll be looking back with a twinkle of her own.
The Benefits of Making Women Want You
Making women want you isn't just good because it helps you get more girls. It's good because it makes it easy to get more girls.
Everyone gets into learning how to pick up girls with somewhat different objectives. For some guys it's to get a girlfriend. For other guys it's to get good with women in general.
For me, getting better with women came with one big objective over all others: make getting girls easy.
Why that goal? Well, I'm not always going to have a lot of time on my hands. And I'm not always going to have a lot of willpower to steamroll through tough situations with difficult women. And I'm not always going to be on the top of my game, with the sharpest wit and the fastest mental footwork. Sometimes I'm going to be tired; sometimes I'm going to be out of it; sometimes I'm not going to have a whole lot of time. And the easier you make it on yourself to be successful with women, the more consistency you'll build into your game and the less the crests and troughs of your own personal variability will affect your outcomes.
In other words, the easier it is for you to succeed with girls, the more success you're going to have with girls.
For that reason, I prioritize making things easy above pretty much all else. And when it comes to making things easy, learning how to consistently, reliably make women want you does a better job of this than well nigh anything else.
In fact, I'd rank these factors, by order of importance, the top ones for making it easy for you to find success with women:
- Talking to lots of girls or being very good at targeting the ones who like you
- Making women want you
- Closing things out (pushing to close the last 5%) while attraction's still hot
The first and third are pretty straightforward; if you talk to lots of girls, and you push to close while the escalation window remains open (instead of just letting a girl walk away like so many guys do -- especially when you know she likes you and wants to be with you!), you'll find a great deal of success and have great consistency. Mix that in with being a man whom women want, and you've got a recipe for succeeding with women that'll turn your pals green with envy.
Of course, of those 3 factors, "making women want you" as a goal feels a little ephemeral. How exactly do you accomplish such a feat?
Attitude's Importance: Women Should Want You
As you might have realized, I don't place nearly as much emphasis on confidence, "inner game," or any such things as most folks in the dating arena do. You know, things like:
- "Just be yourself, it'll all work out!" (mainstream dating advice), or
- "Get your inner game handled, and your outer game will take care of itself." (a lot of pick up community advice)
Aside from reminding you to not be bitter and to think of yourself as a romantic man, I tend to avoid talking about what's going through your head pretty much at all. Unlike all the "think the right things, and everything'll work out!" school of thought people, I tend more towards the "do the right things, see some results for yourself that what you're doing is working, and your confidence'll go through the roof" school of thought. Aside from the occasional kick in the butt to get you going, or relating the occasional experience of mine to illustrate that whatever crazy thing I'm proposing you do actually does perform in real life, I tend to stay away from trying to "build your confidence." Get results, and your confidence will build fine on its own.
So, that said, I think with making women want you, attitude is actually quite important. I'm going to give you a list of steps you can follow and start implementing that are going to put you well on the road to getting women to desire you, but that's going to go a lot more smoothly if you're coming at it from the right direction.
What's that direction? It is, put simply, this thought:
I want women to want me because of what I bring to their lives.
I've heard guys give this advice before, and I think it's potentially frustrating for some guys because they don't know how to see themselves that way. I've personally never really struggled with seeing myself as a guy that, of course, women want in their lives, but I know a lot of guys do. So, first, here's why I think this mentality helps a lot:
- If you know you're a boon to women's lives and experiences, you look at them and talk to them quite noticeably differently (confidently, assertively, and sure) than guys who think they're a drain on women's lives and don't offer much (shyly, downcast eyes, etc.), and this can dramatically impact your reception and what you can get away with with girls
- If you see yourself as a man who brings a great deal of value to the women you meet, you tend to have a much easier time holding your frame and shrugging off when women test you and when they say silly things, because you know you probably have a better idea of what they want and need than they do themselves.
If you have trouble relating to those last couple of bullet points, that means you're not feeling like a guy that women would really, really love to have in their lives and would actively want and chase and pursue. You'll still be able to start doing most of the tips I'm going to give you to help you make women want you, but you'll have an easier time of it if you're able to start realizing what you bring to women's lives first.
For that reason, let me ask you the following questions:
- What value do other men bring to women's lives? Alternately, what is it that women want from men -- why don't women all go join convents and take vows of celibacy? (a few to get you started: they want romance; they want passion; they want to feel understood and desired and lusted for by a guy they like and intrigued by him)
- How good are other men at giving women those things they want?
- Can you, right now, do a better job of giving women those things they want than the average guy? If most of the men a woman's dated or slept with have been average men (and trust me... even if she's a celebrity, most or all of the men she's dated have still been average overall), could you possibly exceed those men in the experiences you deliver for a woman?
That last question is the most important. I'm guessing that, probably, you know you can.
What that means is, if you ever start feeling like you don't have much to offer a woman or start wondering why a girl might want you, stop and ask yourself if you can provide a better experience for her than the majority of the average, ordinary men she's experienced her entire life. Because I'd be willing to wager there's a very good chance that she's never had a man who's been self-improvement focused like I'm guessing you are; she's never had a man who actually sat there and put in the time to use tools like this blog, my ebook, and just generally systematically improved himself at understanding and working with and satisfying women like you are right now.
Regardless of how you think she perceives you there in the moment, there's a good chance that you're going to be able to provide her the most memorable, incredible romantic and interpersonal experience of her life. Keep that in mind any time you start questioning whether a woman could or should want you.
10 Killer Tips for Making Women Want You
That last section considered, women aren't going to just automatically want you because you'll provide the most amazing experience of their lives. They don't know you will, and in fact every guy they meet is trying to convince them that he's going to be an amazing experience, despite the fact that most men are really quite ordinary. What that means for you is that it's your job to make women want you if you really want them to experience what you can bring to their lives.
So, let's get to our tips, and let's make making women want you a lot easier than it might've seemed before.
- Get your style handled. I won't tell you that looks are everything, like some people will, but I'm also not going to tell that they're nothing, like some other folks will. Looks are looks; they're not as important for men attracting women as they are for women attracting men, but they get your foot in the door, make things a little bit easier every step of the way, and get women to give you a little more leeway as you go through a pick up / seduction.
For getting your style handled, take a few steps like getting a well-fitting, fashionable outfit or two for when you head out to meet women; even if you only have one really good combination of clothing (if you're out fairly often, you should be getting compliments on items like your jacket, shirt, jeans, shoes, accessories, etc. every now and again), that can be all you need to up your returns. Get a fashionable haircut from a good salon in your town, and get some cool facial hair, and you'll be well on your way.
- Become a sexy man. Along with getting your style handled, this is something I consider "passive value;" in other words, it's something that, once you've got it set, you don't have to actively monitor or think about or do anything about it; you just get points for having it handled.
Sexiness is partly your appearance, partly your body language, partly your eye contact and facial expressions, partly your voice tone, and partly the words you use -- or don't use. There's a lot to it, and it takes time to get set, but once you've got it set it's all automatic points added to your desirability score. This is probably the slowest one to work on and implement when it comes to making women want you, but it's one of the most important. See the post linked to for more details on how to go about redesigning yourself as a man women describe as "sexy."
- Look at women like you want them. I've discussed eye contact flirting on here before, but this is something more than that. Much unlike the folks who'll tell you to keep things indirect and neutral, I'm going to tell you to actually gaze at women as though you want them -- to look at them with dreamy, liquid eyes that they can lose themselves in.
The reasons why this works -- why looking at women like you want them makes women want you in turn as well -- are twofold:
i. You get them thinking about desire and intimacy, and
ii. You reassure them you feel that way, freeing them to feel that way
By helping women lower their guards around you and see you as a sexual man, you allow them to feel the same way back toward you without fearing that their attraction will go unreciprocated.
- Use the bored look. Just because you're looking at a girl with dreamy eyes some of the time doesn't mean you look at her that way all of the time. A good rule of thumb to follow is that when women are treating you well and being interesting and working hard to invest in you and the interaction and build rapport and tell you about themselves, you want to reward them with a desirous gaze; but, when they're being difficult or unfocused or distant, you'll want to discourage this behavior -- by getting bored and distant yourself.
The bored look lets you communicate to women that you aren't going to sit around and chase -- you're only going to be interested if she's doing things to work with you and move it all forward. Lots of guys pursue women and try their best to communicate to women that they're interested, even when these women are being aloof or difficult, which sends the wrong message entirely. You want women knowing that getting to know you is a two-way street -- you'll invest if they are, but you don't chase women and won't for them if they start pulling away.
- Get investment. You should be getting investment from women throughout the course of an interaction with them. This can take the form of basic compliance, like having them give you their hands or a sip of their drinks or coffees or teas, or more complex compliance, like asking them to move with you or tell you about their dreams and goals.
The reason why investment makes women want you down to an intrinsic psychological process that underlies how human beings perceive and interact with the world: stated directly, we tend to invest in the things we value, and we tend to value the things we invest. The more she invests in you (in conjunction with our next point), the more valuable she'll perceive you being.
- Give her progress. One of the big reasons why I so frequently prescribe that men move faster with women is because you need her to feel like there's forward momentum in the interaction to avoid having her start feeling overinvested if you're getting a lot of investment from her.
Said another way, if you reach a point where a girl's followed you around and told you all kinds of things about herself that she doesn't tell anyone else and she's made it resoundingly clear to you that she really, really likes you, and then you just keep sitting there with her and don't invite her home and don't try and move things forward enough that she feels rewarded and appreciated and desired for all the work she's put in, she's going to begin feeling like she's wasting her time, like she's flapping in the wind, like she's put herself out there and looks like a fool because her level of interest is not being reciprocated.
Moving fast isn't just about you getting the girl because you want her. Moving fast is also about you keeping progress and momentum in an interaction so that a woman feels her continued investment is being recognized, appreciated, and reciprocated.
It's important you keep things moving briskly ahead so she doesn't start feeling unappreciated for her commitment to spending time with you and getting to know you.
- Give her understanding. Go out of you way to make sure you're understanding women. Especially when you're getting them opening up about themselves and telling you all kinds of intimate details about their hopes and dreams and expectations, if they start feeling like you're not following them or relating to them, they'll start shutting down.
Alternatively, if you're making it clear that you get where they're coming from -- whether that means you really do, or you need to ask for clarity to get girls to help you understand where they're coming from -- they're going to feel more and more connected to you, to a degree they almost never do with men, and they're going to want you more and more.
- Be relatable. Understanding her is just one side of the coin; helping her to understand you is the other. Avoid topics and conversations that are going to leave her feeling like she doesn't know what you're talking about or can't relate to it; she'll just end up feeling like the two of you are two different people who don't connect.
If instead you seek to find as much common ground as possible and paint all of your experiences -- even the ones she hasn't shared in her own life -- in as relatable a fashion as you possibly can, you'll find that she becomes increasingly absorbed in finding out more about you, relating to you, and viewing you as an attractive, desirable man.
- Paint yourself colorful. In your quest to be relatable, you'll want to make sure you don't end up trying to come across generic, average, and ordinary. A lot of guys go this route -- trying to be as friendly and harmless as possible -- in an effort to not push women away. But all they end up doing is boring the socks off of girls, and portraying themselves as incredibly unexciting human beings.
You don't want to be colorless. You want to be colorful. You want to be a man who tickles women's imaginations, who inspires them, and who makes them think of far away places, exotic adventures, and reaching beyond their limits in ways that few men do. If you combine a colorful character with the precepts of being relatable, you can help women relate to you even as you differentiate yourself from all the ordinary men striving to be more ordinary -- that's when you'll really start having women want you more and more, and chase you more and more, because then, to them, you'll seem an increasingly rare, desirable, romantic kind of man of the sort they meet only a couple of times in a lifetime.
A few ideas to get you started:
• Instead of talking about your job, talk about your passions
• If you've done much, discuss it in passing with humility
• If you've done little, discuss what you'd like to do and why with fire
By painting yourself a colorful character, instead of as the same as all the other men women meet, you'll be a rare and exciting opportunity, and you'll inspire desire and make women want to be a part of the adventure they find only in your presence.
- Be a creator of experiences. Like we mentioned earlier, it should be in your head that you bring a lot to women's lives -- much more so than most men. Of the 10 tips here, this one's the most intangible -- but also, possibly, the best. View yourself as a creator of incredible, incomparable experiences for the women you meet -- enchant them, seduce them, and take them away from the dullness of ordinary life and bring them into a world vibrant with life, lust, love, and potential. They will love you for it... and you'll soon find that you love them just as much -- for letting you create the experiences with them you do.
Combined with a solid knowledge that women should want you, your use of these tips for making women want you will help you produce experiences with women that neither they nor you will soon forget.
At that point, how to make women want you stops being something you try and figure out -- and instead, something you just do.
Talk with you soon.