How to Escalate with Girls in Social Circle
And off she went. That girl from my social circle kissing behind the bushes with that other dude. It's not like I was in love with her or anything, but damn I'd wanted to kiss her.
When I was in high school this kind of scenario would play out with girls at parties and social gatherings all the time. I had next to no understanding of what to do to actually attract these girls... and even had I known they were attracted, I had no idea how to move the interaction forward. I eventually resigned myself to the belief that I'd only get what came my way by chance.
You can probably relate to that in some way, shape, or form. In my first article on the 'Pros' and 'Cons' of social circle I gave you a broad overview of what to expect out of social circle. In this article we're going to get down to the nitty-gritty of what my adolescent self didn't know during my high school years: how to escalate on girls from your social circle.
So how is social circle escalation different from cold approach
escalation? Like so:
You will almost definitely see the girl again after you've hooked up with her, which obviously is not always the case if you're going the cold approach route
Other people within the social circle will hear of your hook-up (or attempted hook-up in the case you should get rejected) and it will have implications as to what people think about you and future girls you may go after. This means that your escalation has to be smooth and well-received
You generally have a lot more time with escalation windows, so it's not as do or die as cold approach; that doesn't mean there aren't times to push the envelope, but it sometimes means you don't move as fast
It's important to flirt with all of the girls in the social circle. This sets the tone of how you're perceived. It's best to be light, non-committal, and convey interest subtly.
So what kind of things am I talking about? A lot of nonverbal stuff like this:
Occasionally you can throw in a verbal sign of interest but make sure to disqualify it immediately after. An example would look like this:
Pete: Yeah, you're hot, shame you dance like Steve Urkel [wave a dismissive hand, smile and back turn. It's very push-pull at this point]
SUPER IMPORTANT NOTE: This is totally not cool if the girl has a boyfriend. Particularly if the boyfriend is your friend. I think this kind of goes without saying, but we'll get into more of this type of stuff in the coming reputation management article.
Ideally, by doing this, you will have every girl attracted to you but none will be totally sure that you want them. Thus you have become 'le Prize'. Essentially you are creating a competition within the social circle for your attention. This is otherwise known as using jealousy plotlines. If a girl sees another girl having a flirtatious interaction with you then that competition will have her invest further.
This can be worked on a one-night basis but as you generally see social circle people at least semi-regularly you can continue to build this over time and it'll reach something of a critical mass where all the girls in the social circle will be receptive to you. Jealousy plotlines can manifest especially strongly in social circle (as opposed to cold approach) so can be more helpful in seducing a particular girl... but can also be a potential source of drama. That is something we'll touch on further in the managing reputation piece.
What are frames? A frame is something that you can use to set how a particular person interprets a situation or person. If that sounds a little obtuse then humour me, you'll probably understand it better as I go.
Your frame should be 'I can have any girl in the circle, but if you arouse my interest and play your cards right then I might take you home'.You'll have created something like this frame in the mind of the girls already if you've been flirting with them correctly.
So now all you need to do is to step into this frame in your own mind. If you're operating from it then your inner reality will match with the outer reality. Please don't use this as an excuse to be too cocky. Something like this should never be said aloud.
Once you've chosen a girl you like, it's time to stop flirting with everybody and start moving things forward with your preferred girl.
Before you dive in headfirst, of course, you want to make sure the feeling is mutual... so let's talk about some of your 'hidden moves' first.
These are to test the water out before larger escalations. At some
point you need to move past the playful, flirtatious stage and take
the interaction further. You can use 'hidden moves' to do that.
These hidden moves can be especially exciting, particularly for the girl. You've built up the sexual tension and she's attracted so when you take the next step, if you've been doing the first stage right then this should be vibealicious. You do need to signal your intentions more deliberately but you don't want everybody seeing it, hence a hidden move. You don't want people seeing it for two reasons:
It can make it harder to seduce other girls in the social circle if you are seen to be going round and doing this to lots of girls, especially in a short time period
If you get rejected it'll not be as harmful for your social reputation
You shouldn't really get rejected but even if you do the relatively innocuous nature of the first way I'm going to show you to do this (thankfully I've found it to be the most connective one too) means that it's not going to be a really strong rejection that she'll laugh about with her friends.
If anybody does see you escalating, don't fret, play it like it's no big deal. The hidden move should always be nonverbal, and of a more sexual nature. It's going to be dependent on where you are but here are a couple of ways to do this:
Take her hand secretly – my favourite of these. I've done this under a table at a bar, while sitting next to a girl when a social group was having a movie night, while standing behind a girl at a live-music venue etc. Basically, just do it secretly. Give her hand a gentle squeeze and caress
Rub her leg secretly – same as above. Can be done in different situations
Grab her ass secretly - and again, just try to be secret. This is my least favoured but can also be the most sexual and brazen. It's going to depend on the girl and the situation
If she responds positively, which she should do as you're the boss man, then that's your invitation to take the escalation further.
Before I take you into how to take an interaction further from there I'd like to get into something that you can do to proactively help out an interaction before it's further down the sexual road.
A discretion frame is used to show the girl that the two of you hooking up can be kept a secret.
How do we set it?
There are a few ways you can set up a discretion frame. You can do it in an implicit way or an explicit way.
The implicit way would be by mentioning in passing things like, “I don't kiss and tell,” or when you're telling a sex story you don't divulge who is involved even if you're pressed on it.
Explicitly, you can say something like, “If we do hang out, we should keep it a secret,” or, “This has to be a secret.” Sometimes a girl's response to that will be to think, “Why does he want to keep me secret? Is he embarrassed of me?” which you will be able to tell quite easily because she'll probably ask you, “Why do you want it to be a secret?”
This is quite easy to deal with. All you need to say is, “Just because
don't think it should be anybody's business but our own; people talk.
Besides, I think X, Y, or Z might get a liiiittle jealous.” This does two
(2) things for you, both very helpful:
You've shown that you aren't hooking up with her for the kudos from the boys, which disarms one typical objection, and
You've also elevated her above the other girl you've just mentioned, which takes care of the bruised ego she might've had at suggesting that you wanted to keep her a secret
It makes you a team and keeps the interaction in that "just you and her" bubble that you've already created with your hidden move.
Alternately, if she agrees with your discretion frame immediately, then she's already on your team and you're good to go (no other reassurances required).
Why is this important?
It's important because it can help disarm objections she may have about hooking up with you; namely, protecting her reputation, and the feeling she may have that she is just another number (which increasingly becomes an issue when you start to become more known as a lady-killer), but it's also important because it allows you to work more girls in the social circle later on - it's not only about the interaction at hand.
you don't set a discretion frame before taking the interaction into
sexual territory then don't lambaste yourself, it's not absolutely
necessary... but it helps (sometimes lots).
Taking the Escalation Further
What to do next? You have to isolate her. You should never really be kissing a girl in front of other people from your social circle (or, heaven forbid, doing anything further than kissing in front of them). Again, this allows you to work other girls in the social circle more easily following the current sexual adventure because while you might spike their attraction and jealousy by going with a girl in front of them, they'll probably have more objections to you hooking up with them after.
The best way to do avoid this chaos with your circle and your girl is to invite her home or to a place where you and her will feel more comfortable getting sexual. Upon her consent to getting alone with you, verbal or nonverbal, this can be a good place to deliver your explicit discretion frame if you haven't already.
Then you leave discreetly. At the most tension-filled of times that can be round the back of the house at a party or more usually at one of your houses.
As you can probably start to see there is a certain synergy to all of this. It becomes a risqué game that you're BOTH playing on the rest of social circle.
If it's not possible to isolate her in this situation or you miss the chance to then simply invite her over in the following days. Since she already knows you in a social way she'll likely feel comfortable enough to come straight to your house. Again, Chase has covered how to do this - see the articles on how to text girls for more on setting this up.
As the more advanced guys will probably know this formula doesn't have to be followed to the letter. If you feel that the interaction is solid enough without a hidden move or an overt sexual escalation you can simply invite her to hang out with you alone anyway. What's important here is discretion.
Again, there are factors outside of this interaction between you and her that you can use to facilitate isolation and make her really want to come home with you. We'll be getting into that more in the reputation management article.
Escalating with Social Circle Girls
Okay lads, so we've gone into the best way to escalate in social circle... Let's have a brief re-cap:
Flirt with all girls in social circle (sans the ones with boyfriends). Keep it light
Use an inner frame that matches the outside reality of how you're acting e.g. "I can have any girl in the social circle, and if you arouse my interest then I might take you home"
Use a hidden move to take one of these light interactions further in a discrete manner so you can minimise rejection and the social ramifications of rejection, and help along future interactions by being all secret
Set discretion frames to help her feel safer in getting sexual with you and to manage your reputation for future interactions
Isolate her to move forward the interaction once you're at the appropriate point
A parting note - I don't mean to get overly moralistic with you guys, but it helps if you believe that discretion is a good thing. Sometimes it can be hard for a girl to express herself sexually because of the truckload of societal conditioning lumped on her back. Perhaps the biggest objection girls from social circle will have is that they don't want to be perceived as a hussy or just another number. They have their reputation within the group to think about.
This objection exists more strongly in the social circle world than it does in the cold approach world because there are fewer social ramifications if a girl hooks up with a stranger, since she's able to more easily keep it secret and not have it tarnish her social reputation. A girl who sleeps around a bit in her social circle is more often labelled a slut than a girl who may have slept with more people but outside her social groups. So treat her nicely, be discreet and don't be a meanie afterwards. Not saying you will be, but it's worth putting yourself in her shoes for just a second.
And that's a wrap for today.
Tune in next time to find out how to manage your reputation post-seduction and how to help you grow that reputation so it makes working your social circles even easier. You read Girls Chase, so you're obviously quite clever, which means you've probably already started to notice how strongly reputation plays into my social circle know-how. This next article will really complement what you've just read and you'll begin to see the whole thing really coming together.
If there are some of you reading this thinking, “Ok, this is all well and good, but there aren't really any girls in my social circle,” then don't despair. I'll be going over extended social circle and how to get access to yours in a future article.
'Til next time, pals.
The social circle series continues in "Killer Reputation Management for Your Social Circle."
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