“How do I get motivated?”
It’s a question you run into at some point when you start tackling something you know you ought to do... but just can’t seem to get yourself to do. And getting better at dating and relationships - while certainly one of, if not the, most rewarding skills to get down - is quite possibly one of the most difficult things to get yourself motivated to work on.
One of the hardest things in this game – and in any endeavor in life, really – is to stay motivated when the going gets tough.
And it will.
In fact, many people argue that the most important part of Napoleon Hill’s book Think and Grow Rich is Chapter 9 – the chapter on persistence.
Because if you think about it – if you just stick with ANYTHING long enough, you’re BOUND to get better at it… and eventually the results will come as a mere side effect of getting better and better at your craft.
But if that’s true, then the question is… why isn’t everybody doing this?
Why aren’t all people more persistent with their goals, if that’s really all it takes?
Well, here’s the thing - every time you make a decision about anything, your subconscious mind processes the following question:
“Is this going to bring me more pain or more pleasure?”
The same is true in those pivotal moments when you decide whether to persist or to procrastinate.
Let’s look at an example most people can identify with. Have you ever found yourself ordering a pizza, even though you had sworn to yourself you’d finally clean up your diet and get in shape?
If so, you can be sure that the only reason why you’re making this decision is that your subconscious mind has linked PAIN to passing on the pizza and PLEASURE to eating it.
By the same token, it has linked PAIN to the work it will take to get in great shape, and PLEASURE to watching TV instead.
Similarly, you will only go out to approach women and work on your dating skills if you think the payoff and future rewards are going to OUTWEIGH the pain of getting there – and approach anxiety and rejection are only the beginning.
Sure, we can learn to deal with those barriers better… but we can’t take them away completely.
What we CAN do, however, is make the payoff and future rewards so BIG and so REAL in your mind that the prospect of reaching your goal will simply *overpower* any mental resistance you might feel in the moment.
We simply need to mentally link a lot more pleasure to working on your game than you already have pain associated with it.
This is what top athletes do… they don’t need to ask themselves “how do I get motivated?” and push themselves all over again every day, because the pleasure of being successful and the pain of failure is 1000 times more real to them than the pain of getting up early for a 4 hour work-out and the pleasure of procrastinating.
They’re running their motivation process on autopilot.
So now, let’s get into our own minds with a pair of pliers and tweak those motivation neurons a bit, and learn how to do exactly what those top athletes do for ourselves!
“How Do I Get Motivated?” Start with Visualization
No, I’m not going to tell you to sit on your couch with your eyes closed and imagine two blondes working together to tear your clothes off… and that this will then magically make them appear out of thin air and start doing just that.
I haven’t yet heard of anybody making such a thing happen without a lot of massive action.
What I do recommend, however, is that you call into your mind a very clear picture of WHAT you want and WHY you want it. Get yourself into a state of absolute desire…. And do that every day.
Maybe there is a certain type of girl you would like to date… maybe there is a picture in your mind (or on your desktop, for that matter) that inspires you.
Or maybe you have an idea of the perfect relationship that you would like to create.
Often it helps to just take a walk around the city and seeing all the hot babes all over the place that you’re missing out on dating by sitting at home doing SOMETHING unproductive… that one works for me every time.
Either way, you absolutely MUST call that goal into your mind every single day until you can’t stand the thought of it any longer.
It won’t make the goal magically – *poof!* – manifest all by itself… but it WILL eventually get your butt in gear!
And sure, sometimes people complain that they have done all that, but the motivation it creates never does seem to LAST.
That’s right… it does not.
Neither does taking a shower though - you can’t do it once and be done with it.
You HAVE to do it every DAY.
Make some room in your schedule every day… ideally in the morning or just before you go out (or both!). You won’t remember to follow through on it daily if you don’t.
I go so far as to collect things that inspire me in a folder on my desktop – pictures of places I want to go, quotes by successful people, and journal entries of things I have achieved in the past because I stuck with a goal.
And I look at that folder over and over again.
Make It Attainable
Another reason why guys procrastinate on going out or on working on their “game” is that they don’t think it will do much good anyway.
What’s the use?
Well, I’ll tell you what’s the use:
No matter what your skill set is like right now, you will strike a home run at least SOME of the time. Simply figure out how many attempts it takes to get one, and then keep doing that many approaches.
I’ve discussed this in greater detail in another article, but if you know that one out of three girls you approach will give you her phone number, and one out of six girls who give you their numbers will go to bed with you, then simply approach 18 HOT girls.
The best part is that your skills get better and more refined with every month, and your stats will keep improving.
And that is the reason why persistence CREATES faith in your abilities.
Read that sentence again… it is SO key: Persistence creates faith in your abilities.
We all know the famous quote by Henry Ford: “Whether you think you can or you can’t – you’re right”…
…but how can you get yourself to think that you can?
The simple answer is to STICK with it when the going is tough, and you WILL get that lucky break eventually.
A lot of people don’t stick to things when the going gets tough. They give up, walk away, wash out. These are the people you hear telling you that it doesn’t work, it can’t work, and it’s impossible. They tried, failed, threw the towel in, and now they want to tell you not to bother.
Other people stick with things long enough to get over that hump where they want to give up. These are the people that seem like they’re walking on water when it comes to certain things; they’re able to accomplish things you aren’t sure how they can. But believe me, at some point, every single one of those people had a moment where he or she was ready to walk.
But they didn’t. Instead, they stuck it out until they got a few breaks... and then they started seeing results.
And once you start seeing the results, your faith in your own abilities will improve, which will further feed your persistence and so forth… and it becomes a positive self-reinforcing cycle.
Here’s an interesting question: have you ever thought about WHY girls are the ones who usually hold the power in dating?
Why are women the picky ones, and guys pursue – at least in most cases and at least initially?
Of course there are evolutionary reasons for this which are beyond the scope of this article, but ONE reason is simply that it’s the man’s ROLE to approach the girl.
In any negotiation about anything, the one who initiates usually has less power.
If a head hunter approaches you because he wants to hire you, you’re in a much better position to negotiate a high salary than if you are the one to take the initiative and send your CV.
By the same token, women are more picky and have more options and more power in dating situations because they get approached all the time, whereas most guys do not.
“How do I get motivated in the face of those odds?” you might ask.
WELL, if you approach a lot of women YOURSELF, you will end up in just as many social interactions and hence have just as many options… and just as much power in those negotiations (your encounters with women).
Neediness always comes from a lack of options. This is incredibly important, and hands down the biggest takeaway from this article if you take nothing else away. And the opposite, feeling secure in yourself, always comes down to abundance and an abundance mentality.
So create abundance: get talking to lots of girls.
Some Mind Tricks to Play on Yourself
Have you ever wondered why you never procrastinate on going to work?
You probably want to get up at 7 in the morning and drive to the office every day even less than you want to go out and practice your pickup skills… so how come you do it anyway?
The answer is – you overpower your mental resistance every time.
Start doing the same thing with other things you don’t want to do – simply take them from being a “nice to do” and make them a “MUST DO”.
Call into your mind WHY you are absolutely committed to achieving your dating goals and working on them RIGHT NOW.
If you catch yourself thinking that you’ll just do it “later”, keep in mind that we all have a very limited number of hours to live… and once you hit a certain age, the game does become more difficult.
Not impossible… I have friends in their late 40s who can keep up with seducers in their 20s, no problem.
But it DOES become a bit harder, no doubt.
If you’re in your 20s, now’s the best time for you to get started. If you’re in your 30s, now’s the best time for you to get started. If you’re in your 40s, right now’s the best time for you to begin. And on and up... we have people using our programs and reading this site in their 70s and 80s (not a whole lot of them, but we’ve heard from a few of them, and it’s nice to know there are people who are still learning and improving themselves even at an age where most other people stop). It’s never too late to start, but the sooner you do start, the better off you’ll be later and the easier things will be for you down the road.
You are never going to be younger again than you are right NOW… and chances are, you’ll really regret it if you put things off until later, and then later, and then later.
In fact, if you ever get the chance to have a really candid talk with someone much older than you - or heck, even your grandfather, if he’s still around - he might very well tell you that his one regret is not having screwed around more when he was still young enough to do it.
Just watch one of the early James Bond movies and look at how hot these babes were… and realize that they’re now all in their 70s.
If that doesn’t make you realize how ephemeral the joys of dating and mating are, I don’t know what will…
The Thrill of The Chase
I’m sure you’ve had those nights sometimes… when everything was going great, you were in the right state, the girls were into it and you were having the time of your life.
It’s a RUSH!
It might well be one of the greatest feelings in the world…
And that’s the thing… when you’re having one of these nights, you REALLY don’t want to stop!
So it might make sense to put yourself into that emotional state *before* you even go out to pick up girls - bring up a vivid memory of one of these nights and recreate the emotions you felt then.
This is true about so many things in life that require some effort… working out, practicing a musical instrument, hitting the streets to approach girls:
First we don’t want to start, but once we get going we don’t want to stop!
It’s just a question of inertia.
And inertia often comes from the perceived size of the task ahead of you.
Think about it – if all you had to do was work on your game for five minutes, surely you would be able to get yourself to do it?
Often we simply procrastinate because the task at hand seems so huge that it’s daunting…
But as Will Smith says: “You don’t set out to build a wall. You don’t start there. You say – I’m going to lay this brick, as perfectly as a brick can be laid. And you do that every day… and soon, you HAVE a wall.”
Mindsets from Movies
Do you remember the movie Groundhog Day?
One very obvious learning point from that flick is the attitude of living every day as if it was your last – and experimenting with social situations to improve your dating skills because there are no consequences.
A lot of guys are afraid of approaching more women because they don’t want to make a fool of themselves…
…but guess what? If you live in a big city, there really are no consequences if something goes wrong when you approach a girl. It is really highly unlikely that you are ever going to see her again.
That is the obvious lesson. A more subtle lesson to be learned from this movie, and one that boosted my motivation even more when I watched it was this:
The day Murray realizes this concept, he suddenly stops being grumpy and is in this "I just bench-pressed the world" state because he feels completely FREE.
He realizes that he can set out to get ANY skill he wants if he just puts in the time.
He can talk to women over and over again, which gives him the chance to polish his social skills to near perfection – and we can do the same. If your city has a population of 2 million or more, you’re golden.
Another scene from that movie that really inspired me to make things happen in my life is the one where he talks to the two guys in the bowling alley and says:
"What if you were stuck in the same place forever, every day was exactly the same and nothing you did mattered at all?".
One of the guys replies: "That sums it up for me".
Don’t be that guy!
Decide what you want out of life, visualize it daily, and make it happen.
Save Her from a Life of Boredom!
You know… this is something I say to girls sometimes, to get them to open up to the possibilities of embracing life to the fullest right NOW, and living out their own sexual desires on the spur of the moment (with me!).
But I also say it to my students, because it is so true…
The fact is, life is so BORING when you don’t just do crazy adventurous stuff on the spur of the moment sometimes.
We all have to work for a living, a lot of us are stuck in factories and cubicles – and we’re so exposed to the same dull routine every day that it becomes the norm… and we stop even questioning it.
You’d be forgiven if you asked me, “How do I get motivated when I’m living a life like that?”
But if you take the initiative to break out of that, even if only for the weekend or on your day off… your life will be ten times more exciting than anything you could ever see on the big screen.
And THAT is magnetic to women… they want to be a part of that.
Because they, TOO, are bored… at least most of the time.
And as much as I hate to tell you to stop reading my stuff…
…I say switch off the computer right NOW and create an adventure for yourself and the beautiful women you come across.
You can’t be the knight in shining armor that saves them from dragons in the 21st century, but you CAN save them from the boredom of modern cubicle living… And trust me, they will be just as grateful.
Onward and upward,