How to Date Multiple Women (with Zero Drama)


multiple womenJames Bond.

Somehow he always seems to end up in bed with ALL the beautiful women he meets… no matter if they’re his side kicks or if they work for the bad guys.

Amazing!

I remember a time when I didn’t know how to date multiple women and didn’t think this kind of life would ever be possible for ME… but I still enjoyed living vicariously through Connery, Brosnan and Moore.

If you’re a red-blooded male, you can probably relate – there are certainly worse situations to find yourself in than hooking up with a wide variety of gorgeous women!

Maybe this is the reason why you’re reading this blog, and it’s your dream to live this kind of lifestyle… or maybe you just want to sow your wild oats for a while before settling down with the right girl.

Either way, I’m here to tell you that it is more than Hollywood fiction and very possible.

That doesn’t mean it’s as easy as it looks on the big screen though, there are a couple of hurdles you need to take – and this article will walk you through them.

 

Multiple Women Level 1: One Girl

When you’re just starting out, and especially if your skills with women aren’t as advanced as you’d like them to be just yet, you will most likely find yourself in the position where you’re dating only one girl at first.

That’s okay - everybody started out that way.

Even James Bond.

The Challenge:

Since you now have only one girl, it is probably very tempting to meet her pretty often.

Be warned – if it is your intention to date multiple girls, don’t do this. She will take over your schedule and start to be territorial about you – she might even ask you where you’ve been, who you’ve been with and what you’ve been doing.

After a few months of this, she might even push for an exclusive relationship. She might give you the ultimatum and threaten to never see you again unless you commit to her – if you like her, it might be hard not to give in at this point.

And if it REALLY is your goal to build a life abundant with beautiful women, you can’t let that happen – you need to keep your eyes on the prize.

The Solution:

If you’ve read my previous post on how to do things so you don’t hurt a girl, you know that it’s not a good idea to lead women on. You need to be honest with her, and subtly but firmly communicate that you’re not looking for anything too serious at the moment.

If you create false expectations for a happy-ever-after future with a girl you really only want to have a casual relationship with, she’s got every right to be pissed at you later. In fact, I HOPE she slashes your tires if you do this.

There’s a better way. Be honest, be casual, and keep things light – don’t meet too often and don’t behave like a boyfriend would… and she will get the message.

Since you’re going out a lot to meet girls, it also shouldn’t be too difficult to keep your schedule pretty busy when she’s not around.

multiple women

 

Multiple Women Level 2: Two to Three Girls

Alright, we’re picking up momentum!

When I was a teenager, I met a guy in a hostel in France who explained to me:

“When you have no girlfriend, it’s almost impossible to find one. But once you have one, it’s a lot easier to find another one… or another two. And once you’re dating three or four girls, you can easily have twenty.

How right he was!

But how is this possible?

The reason is simply that your behavior changes completely when you feel like you have total abundance when it comes to women.

  • You automatically act very secure in yourself, which makes you a LOT more attractive.
  • You’re always surrounded by women, which gets a lot of further female attention.
  • You’re usually busy because you’re on a lot of dates… and being unavailable makes women VERY curious.

So you will probably find that it’s a lot easier to add a second girl to your life than it was to find that first one… and from here on out, it only keeps getting easier.

When you’re dating two or three girls, you should probably meet them a bit less often than once every week – simply to keep things from getting too serious.

This will also give you more time to meet other women… in fact, if you want to have a date more than once a week, you will HAVE to go out with several girls at this point.

But if you’re reading this article, then that’s probably your goal anyway. This will also give you more time to meet other women.

Double Standards

Here’s a word of advice though.

Yes, most women are PERFECTLY fine with men who like to live this kind of life style, so long as they’re not being lied to.

What’s more, many women ALSO go through a phase in their lives when they don’t even want to HEAR about a serious relationship!

Women, too, like to play the field sometimes… and whether you want to hear it or not, it’s not unlikely that she’s dating more than one man at the same time as well.

And why shouldn’t she?

So don’t set a double standard here… if you expect girls to accept an open relationship, then the relationship is going to be OPEN.

Live with it… it’s worth it.

That doesn’t mean that you need to rub these things into each others’ faces, or that you need to hook up with other people in front of each other.

But if you want to have the freedom to date other people, don’t expect her to make you the sole center of her life that her universe revolves around.

This is in your best interest as well, by the way, because if she’s dating ONLY you, it’s not unlikely that she will eventually demand MORE… she’ll likely grow attached, or heaven forbid, get clingy, jealous and possessive.

You don’t want to get the ultimatum… you don’t want her to demand you break up with all the other women you’re seeing.

So live and let live… besides, it’s only fair.

 

Multiple Women Level 3: Four to Five Girls

Once you’re dating four girls, you probably start feeling like you actually have some REAL variety.

You might be dating a tall blonde, a curvy brunette, a pretty redhead and a petite Asian girl… and you’re probably the envy of all your friends by now.

The Challenge:

Every time we reach a new level in life, old problems go away… and new problems show up.

When you first start making more money for example, you finally don’t have to worry about the bills anymore… but now you might suddenly find yourself without any free time to actually spend all that money!

It’s the same with women.

When you’re dating four girls or more, you’re never alone and your dating life is starting to go GREAT… but you will probably find that your schedule fills up pretty fast!

When I first started reaching this point a few years ago, it took me quite a while to figure this out. Sure, I was able to date four girls at the same time, but they took up ALL my free time. For a while, I even decided to limit myself to dating two or three girls at a time.

And I wasn’t the only one struggling with this… some of my friends dating multiple women were also starting to build “harems” for themselves… and they, too, seemed to get stuck at some point.

Sure, they would have been able to meet more beautiful girls to go out with… but if they did, they’d have to either neglect work, their friends, or some of the girls they were already seeing.

It was often difficult for them to find time to do anything other than meet their girlfriends. If you schedule dates with four to seven girls, your weekly calendar is probably going to be jammed up and it might almost feel more like a burden than a luxury.

Life is TOUGH for a Sex god… :)

What’s a man to do?

The Solution:

A couple of years ago the answer finally came to me. The simple solution is to stop letting yourself be boxed in by schedules!

And why would you, if you have all this abundance?

Dating should be fun, and not a chore… so take a more spontaneous approach and ENJOY!

Instead of scheduling one girl for Monday, another girl for Tuesday, a work meeting on Wednesday, the third girl on Thursday, drinks with your friends on Friday and so forth… (You get the idea)

…simply ENJOY the freedom this abundance can give you and start being COMPLETELY flexible and spontaneous with it.

Have you seen the movie Deception with Hugh Jackman?

The protagonist of this film gets caught up in a “sex club” – a club where members call each other up out of the blue, and ask: “Are you free tonight?”

If the other person is free, they meet up and have sex.

Sounds like another Hollywood fantasy? Too good to ever be true? Like something that could never work in real life?

Oh yes, it could!

Just you try.

How To Set It Up:

Since your schedule is really full at this point, you need to let your girls know.

Tell them the truth: that you’re really busy these days, and that it’s become very hard to find time to schedule anything… and let them know that spontaneous works best for you right now.

This also inoculates against the contingency that a girl you’re trying to meet up with spontaneously suggests another day instead and tries to nail you down on a schedule.

Once that frame is set, you can start doing what Jackman does – on any given night, call the girl you would most like to see that day, and ask her: “Are you free tonight?”

If she’s free – great. You just got yourself a date that you didn’t have to schedule!

If she’s not, just call one of your other dates.

 

Multiple Women Level 4: Six to Twenty Girls

multiple womenYou are probably starting to see that it doesn’t matter if the first two or three girls you call aren’t free when you call. Chances are ONE of them will be.

In fact, the MORE girls you’re currently dating, the more likely it is that one of them WILL be free at the exact time when you spontaneously decide that it would be nice to go on a date tonight…

…and without your ever having to schedule anything in advance!

Yes… it is indeed possible to date multiple women to the tune of four girls, twelve girls, or even twenty girls.

What’s more… the more girls you’re seeing, the EASIER it is to juggle the schedule.

How counterintuitive is that?

Time management becomes a total BREEZE this way. Meeting your girls stops being an obligation, and turns into the spontaneous fun activity it is really meant to be.

Disclaimer

I want to make it very clear that I don’t endorse emotionally abusing women. When you’re out with girls, make sure you’re both on the same page and have the same values. Again, don’t hurt a girl - it's not worth it.

Don’t lead women on, but be subtly upfront about setting the right relationship expectations – you will be surprised how many women are perfectly fine with a casual relationship of this kind, so long as you don’t lie to them or rub it in her face.

Also don’t behave like a boyfriend on these kinds of dates, if you don’t want to make these girls fall in love with you and watch them cry bitter tears over you later. That’s just not cool… play fair, cowboy.

This is a powerful relationship tool… If I find somebody abusing it to get women attached that they don’t have any serious intentions with, I will personally HUNT them down and encourage the girls to flog them viciously!

(Of course that wasn’t directed at YOU… I know that you would never do such a thing, because you realize that one can have an abundant dating life without sacrificing one’s integrity).

But if you play it clean, if you’re honest and casual, you really can have the dating life of James Bond.

Heck, if you set this up the way I’ve described it here, you will put James Bond to shame.

Enjoy, Scarface…

THE WORLD IS YOURS!

Onward and upward,

Ricardus

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Comments

Anonymous's picture

Objectification of girls


Your approach sums up to an objectification of girls. Or even guys - since the same approach could be used for guys. Yes sex is great but approaching girls or guys like this is manipulative calculative exploitative - guys we are talking about human beings not some cattle.

With respect to girls - even if a girls expectations are set to 'no strings attached' the joker in this respect are feelings - and they will arrive in particular for a girl when having sex with someone regardless of what has been agreed beforehand or not - it is called oxytocin and it is scientifically proven. The majority of girls involved in such an arrangement will therefore have or will develop an expectation for more than just sex regardless of what is agreed upfront. Guys and girls -please respect human beings and dont follow this advice of multiple dating. It is not all opportunites that should pursued just because it is technically so to speak, possible.

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Objectification of girls


Just wanted to weigh in here quick since this is the first comment on this post and it's somewhat misleading.

For the record, dating multiple women is NOT "objectification of girls," any more than dating ONE woman is "objectification of girls."

Objectification of women is a real phenomenon, and it's been scientifically established to occur in the brains of all males of the species prior to mating. Specifically, the male brain shifts from viewing women as "people" and into viewing women as "objects to be acted upon" the moment it shifts into a sexually aroused state.

Please see "Women as Sex Objects: Supercharge Your Game," one of the first posts that ever went up on this site, for more on this.

Dating multiple partners is a practice that dates back since before we climbed out of the trees 7 million years ago. And while the tradition in the West has been largely monogamy (with polygyny occurring among the most wealthy and powerful men) over the past 2,000 years or so, the trend now is toward a breaking down of monogamy back toward a more natural, "anything goes"-type of dating dynamic.

While you do want to stay compassionate, if you reread this article you'll note that the focus is on maintaining honesty and openness in relationships to avoid anyone getting hurt, which is how you want to run open relationships like this.

Cheers,
Chase

Danny's picture

Ridiculous


Anon's comment is ridiculous. What about Office Politics then? Isn't that manipulative calculative exploitative? You are dealing with that everyday, aren't you?

Are you going to treat your boss like your close friend who can share intimacy with? Stop deceiving men by using fairy tales.

Ricardus Domino's picture

Thanks Chase. As an

Author

Thanks Chase.

As an addition: this article is about more than just being honest and open in the relationship... as the commentator points out, that is not always enough to prevent girls from getting hurt because oxytocin can get them attached anyway.

Please note that I teach guys to both manage expectations AND manage *emotions*. If you meet the girls you're dating less than once a week, don't behave like a boy-friend, don't spend the night together, etc., it is very easy to keep things casual and no one gets too attached.

I have been doing these types of relationships for years and yes - most guys make the mistake of managing only expectations and not emotions. If you do both, however, everyone wins as evidenced by the fact that the girls I date never ask me to get into exclusive relationships with them anymore. I used to get that "ultimatum" a lot when I was only managing expectations and not managing emotions. Now I don't anymore.

View this article for more information:
http://www.girlschase.com/content/dont-hurt-girl-importance-expectations

Cheers,
Ricardus

Nick Thorsen's picture

Dr. Phil Show


Hi guys,

I'm looking to speak to you about a show I'm putting together for Dr. Phil. Please call me to discuss.

Thank you,
Nick Thorsen
323.956.3365

Anonymous's picture

I was wondering how do you


I was wondering how do you address the question when a woman ask you if you are dating other women while you are dating multiple women. Do you tell her the truth that you are or do you lie to her and tell her she's the only one you're dating? I figure if you tell her that you are seeing other women she might not one to see you again if you tell her you are seeing other women because a lot of woman don't want to just be another option unless they are really open minded. How do you answer this question or does it just depend on the girl? also, how do you answer this question on a first date with a girl. say your on a first date and she ask if you are seeing other women at the moment, how do you answer that? I cant figure that one out. Because I figure if you say no, it makes me look like a looser who cant get chicks and that we know is unattractive to females and if I say yes I am seeing other women it makes me look like a player and she's just some other girl I want to play. so how do you answer this question in both scenerios when you are just meeting them and when you have been seeing them for a while along with other women? honesty or story telling? which one is it?

Ricardus Domino's picture

Hey Anon, you are right, that

Author

Hey Anon, you are right, that question is a double-bind. Prevention is the better cure... if you set sexual frames early on, and if you follow our advice about managing expectations as well as managing emotions, she will get the picture and never ask.

It is precisely because guys are ambiguous about their intentions that they get resistance to sex, drama about breakups, ultimatums, and also the question "Are you seeing other women".

Here are two articles to get you started on sexual framing:

http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-use-sexual-frame-turn-women
http://www.girlschase.com/content/sexual-framing-more-using-get-girls

Should you run into a girl who asks anyway, just ignore. It's the best way of staying in control. If she asks again (unlikely), make a joke about it and she will get the picture without things getting all heavy.

If she asks a third time you have to assume that it's your fault - you messed up in one of the earlier stages (you didn't manage expectations and emotions correctly). In that case, give her a straight answer.

Best,
Ricardus

Anonymous's picture

This is very topical for


This is very topical for me.

I don't like to lie to women, I'm seeing two girls right now. One knows that I am going on dates with the other and the other knows that I'm seeing one other person.

The former periodically asks me if I went out on a date. Asks me if it went well, doesn't seem to get her back up but I stop short at anything remotely like, "I was unavailable because I spent the night at Girl B's house" just because I don't want to get into that sort of stuff. So I make excuses. I also don't want to get into it with Girl A either. She knows I'm seeing another girl and she doesn't ask. She tested me for the double standard by talking about how she needed to get her own box or rubbers for her other boyfriend. When I asked nonchalantly about the guy she gave me a couple answers and eventually admitted that there was no other guy at all.

I do have a dilemma though. Both of these girls would make fantastic girlfriend candidates but I met them both for casual/no commitment dating. They're both into me and I'm into both of them, but neither of them are ready for the committed relationship with me just yet. I can see however both of them slowly creeping in that direction.

Perhaps this is as a result of bad framing as you describe, but the problem is of course that I could see myself with either of these girls long term. One more than the other but they're both great. I wouldn't want to choke off what could become an amazing girlfriend just so that I could see other people because after doing two girls for a few weeks and getting banged every night and even sometimes by two in one day I realize that I actually would rather settle down again and that I've had my fun.

I'm not about to stop the fun either until one of them wants to move it to the next level... hell why would I !?! LOL I've asked both of them about it and neither is ready yet anyway. I just don't want to get into a collision situation and lose them both. I have good enough game, I went out dating for two weeks a month after I broke up with my ex and landed two hot petite Asians I'm doing right now plus a third I'm going to go out with later if I can find the time or if I don't land a girlfriend.

An interesting article for this site would be how to manage conversations when dating multiple women. Women are always curious, if they want to phone and talk to you and they can't they wonder what you were up to. I have no problem on saying I was on a date out for dinner but the whole, "I spent the night with Alexis, called in sick for work the next day and hung out and drank with her at her house all day" is just TMI I think. But maybe there's a way to turn it to my advantage.

danny's picture

Not helpful AT ALL


Hey Chase,

I am actully a fan of your blog. I want to be genuine and tell u that most of your blogs are informative and helpful, but NOT this one.

Basically, u are just telling readers that u first start with one chick, then add another one, and another one, period (End of discussion). I hope u don't get offended by my constructive criticism but everything in this specific article is a "Duh" !!!!!! Especially when u talk about what should we do if we have too many gf and thus make us too busy. Your solution is a "duh".

Instead of writing so much obvious "duh", I think u should provide "step by step" technical procedures to teach us how to date multiple girls. Just like your other amazing articles, "How to text a girl" for instance, it actually provide useful info and examples.

This article is just useless.

Ricardus Domino's picture

Hey Danny, This one's by me,

Author

Hey Danny,

This one's by me, not Chase. This has been my lifestyle (and I love it!) for 11 years now, and believe it or not it actually is pretty darn straightforward - much more so than most guys would think. The nuance is in the things like not having set schedules, how to respond to girls trying to nail you down on times, and getting the frame set just right to make this work with large numbers of women - things most guys get very wrong when trying to pull this off, by resorting to methods that don't scale to larger numbers of girls. Aside from that, there's not much to it - this one isn't a guide on how to get those women, per se - for that see some of our other articles on this blog. This one's just how to set up and run these sorts of relationships.

That said, if I've missed anything important - some specific relationship management technique, handling specific situations that come up, etc. - do let me know... though chances are we've already covered it in one of the other relationship management articles on here!

Ricardus

Anonymous's picture

how to not act like a boyfriend


Hey Ricardo, great article.

You talk about not acting like a boyfriend, to keep expectations clear. I was wondering if you could expand on that (or point to an article where you do so)

For example, what about these situations:

* Doing something in public together, such as going to a movie
* Holding hands, linking arms when walking outside
* Messaging her in between meetups if it's something relevant to a common interest
* Kissing her outside the house
* Going to an event she invites you to where some of her friends may be there as well. Not introduced as boyfriend. No PDA at event.

Obviously, I mean only doing those things on date night. They're all things that a boyfriend would do, am not sure if that makes them 'too boyfriendy'.

If so, what is appropriate behavior/venues, on the night you happen to be seeing her?

Thanks!

Anonymous's picture

I didn't know until recently


I didn't know until recently that many men are actually dating multiple women.

But for the "not too many expectation" it's actually untrue, you can have serious relationships with multiple women, without causing "harm".

Take a look at Hugh Hefner which was a "natural" or Arash Dibazar studied pick up and seduction and made a whole lifestyle around it.

We think things should be fair for both parties, and if it has to do with your ethics it's fine. But if you look at it, men hook up with different other girls when they "cheat" on their girlfriend, while girls will go for the more successful guy when cheating on you, not multipile guys. Geneticly, women are made to look for the mate who gives them the highest chance of survival (can't split a baby in half)

Girl can get pregnant once a month, and if they do, approximately once a year. So the best thing to do for them is to find the most powerful man. If they mess with the wrong guy, they'd be stuck with a baby on their own without help (again, on a DNA level) As men, we could make 3 girls pregnant per day, 365 days a year and unless we get an STD, we got no problem. If men were made to be monogamous, we'd have one sperm once a month. If you think about it, that's what girls have.

Point being, you can have comitted relationships with multiple women and them all be ok with it.

Whatever you do, it's cool to see someone who takes his life in his own hands regardless of what people think. Respect.

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