Every time I hear of other men’s efforts to get intimate with women they’ve brought home, they seem to have these elaborate places filled with all forms of entertainment and ways of engaging women and things to occupy them and give them something to do.
Guys bring girls home and get them playing Nintendo Wii together. Or they play some game like Jenga (I remember when this was a big craze on the West Coast a year back or so – any guy who wanted to be successful with women had to get a Jenga!). And then, presumably after beating their date at a few rounds of Wii Sports, they make their move and go to get intimate.
To me, this has always seemed like a lot of work. Early on, I had travel souvenirs that I would show to girls; but even then, I’d dive right into getting physical with them as quickly as possible. I noticed soon into my seduction career that the longer I took to get physical with women, the more awkward tension there was with them and the less sexual tension there was with them. The more time taken, the more awkwardness generated.
I had some sexy board games I’d purchased after seeing them at a friend’s place and thinking they were a nice complement for his room. But, I never ended up playing them with girls. Occasionally a girl would notice them and asked about them, but ironically I’d never end up getting together with the women who did.
What I ultimately found was that games, movies, all these other things men use to progress with women really are just distractions. A few of them – music, TV / movies – if they’re playing in the background can be helpful. They give a woman something to focus her logical mind on while she seeks to disengage it from steering her emotions. But even these, if they’re too engaging – if the music is too exciting, or the movie too interesting – can be overly distracting.
The problem with distractions is that they distract. When you have a girl at your place, yes, playing Jenga may very well get her laughing and comfortable. If you don’t know how to do that with conversation, it’s helpful. Laughing and comfortable, however, is quite a bit different from sexual. Check out Why “Fun” is a Seduction Killer; just like in making dates too fun, guys who make their place a “fun zone” run the very real risk of taking their women’s focus off of getting close with them, and onto just having fun playing games and watching entertaining movies and relaxing.
In my opinion, it’s worth taking the risk of a slightly lower closing percentage earlier in your seduction career by forgoing fun in order to force yourself to develop the ability to put women at ease on your own and develop a sexual vibe on your own sans props. It may take you a few girls at your place to figure out how to make them comfortable, but once you have it down, you’ll get intimate with women far more easily and far more consistently than the men who rely upon props to distract and entertain. You yourself are the only prop you need.
Making Women Comfortable
Getting girls comfortable in your place is important. There’s one thing that’s even more important, though, and that’s getting yourself comfortable in your place, with girls around. This is where most men lose the women they bring home, if you ask me.
Imagine this: a guy brings a girl home, back to his apartment. He likes her, she likes him – otherwise, why would she be there in his place? So, they’re there, but the guy isn’t comfortable. He’s nervous, a little jittery, and obviously closed off. Have you ever been one-on-one in a room with someone who was acting a little nervous, a little jittery, and a little closed off? How’d that make you feel? Pretty nervous yourself, right? Now imagine that someone is bigger and stronger than you, and you know why a lot of women have trouble feeling at ease in many men’s places.
Now imagine a guy brings a girl home, but this guy is calm, comfortable, and charming. Even if our girl is the nervous type, she’s going to be much more at ease with this guy than with the guy who was himself quite nervous. And if she’s less nervous, she’s less closed off, and more open to physical affection, escalation, and intimacy.
Your level of comfort alone with a woman at home has a big impact on her level of comfort. There’s not a lot I can say about getting comfortable being alone with girls in your place or theirs other than the more often you put yourself in this situation, the more quickly it’ll come to be familiar and routine, and the less and less nervous you’ll be in it. Having a set process and steps to follow helps a great deal too – know what you’re there to do (e.g., a big rule for me these days is that in most circumstances I will aim to kiss a girl within five to ten minutes of bringing her back to my place – knowing you’ll do something like that goes a long way toward eliminating uncertainty and thus anxiety).
Conversation is crucial too. The most crucial aspect of it? Not doing too much of it.
What do most people do when they’re uncomfortable? They blab on and on, thinking that if they talk enough, it will dissipate the discomfort. But that’s no good – it actually makes things worse. Want to make women feel more comfortable? Limit conversation only to the most important things you need to talk about. Maybe use a shred of wit here, a little rapport there. But mostly, keep the conversation to a minimum. Conversation and seduction occur at different levels – different kinds of energy and vibe. You want to make sure you’re on the one most necessary for what you want to accomplish, and that’s achieving intimacy.
One other important thing about making women comfortable being alone with you is avoiding pursuing them. This is a big one. If a guy brings a girl back to her place and then starts pursuing her, trying to get her to do something with him, it puts a great deal of pressure on her in a situation where she doesn’t have an easy exit, and it can make her quite uncomfortable.
Instead, you want to be suave and chill. Rather than pursue, you’ll lean back, give your girl killer eye contact, and draw her into you. Do things like physically yanking her into you, up against your body; grabbing her and tossing her on the sofa or the bed (which is actually physically pushing her away, in a very powerful way); and taking her head in your hand and guiding her into a kiss with you – using manhandle kisses where necessary.
Don’t chase after her. Rather, draw her into your world. Doing so will make her eminently more comfortable than the Nintendo Wii and Jenga guys who try to switch from fun mode to sexy mode. Start off sexy from the start, and you’ll find things progress a lot more smoothly.