Date Templates: Minimize Confusion, Maximize Returns


date templatesDating is one of those things that can be a little ambiguous, even for guys who are relatively skilled in seduction in general. I know for me, it was an annoyance long after I’d reached a decent level of proficiency in meeting girls and taking them home quickly – that I could do fine, but dating was still a big unknown. Sometimes I’d hit on a lucky combination and sleep with a girl on the first date – but more often, I’d move too fast and scare off girls who weren’t ready, or I’d move too slow and I’d lose girls I could’ve gotten intimate with. Very annoying.

Timing and calibration isn’t something I or anyone else can teach you – that you’ll just have to pick up from experience. What I can teach you, however, are the keys to a successful date – and how exactly to set your dates up to be successful.

For newer guys, dating can be confusing. The bad part of dating is that there are a lot more elements to juggle than when you met a girl originally – when you first met her, all you had to worry about was her and you and moving things forward. The place, situation, circumstances, all of those were already set for you – you met her where you met her.

With dating, you choose the place, the time, the activities, and a number of other things. That can be a lot to handle for men with less experience. But once they start figuring things out, they realize the good part of dating – because you are responsible for juggling all those extra elements, you can control for them, plan them out ahead of time, and use them to your and your soon-to-be-lover’s benefit.

So those extra elements are both the good and the bad part of dating. Bad in the beginning – when you’re still figuring things out – good later on, when you’ve got them reasonably well handled. It’s like anything with a learning curve – the things that you have to learn early on and are difficult and annoying later become things you use to your advantage and help you achieve better, faster results.

I like organizing things, and giving myself little templates to choose from, and dating is no exception. I find it very helpful to have date templates mapped out that you can choose from and fit into your schedule as best as possible. Date templates are basic formats you choose from when figuring out what you want to do with a girl, how long you want to spend with her, and what you intend to do with her. Here are mine right now:



Informational Date

The “Informational Date” is what I use with girls I’ve only recently met whom I feel need more work getting to know me and feeling attracted to me before we do anything too serious. The reason I call it “informational” is because the main purpose of the date is for the girl to meet me and get enough information from me to decide that she likes me and wants things to move forward with me.

This is a low pressure date – I want it to be easy for the girl to make it out. That’s because of the very nature of the date – the reason why we’re doing an informational date in the first place is because she needs to know more about me, because I am too much of an unknown and uncertain quantity, and because she doesn’t know enough about me, she’s less likely to agree to or be comfortable with a longer date.

I also don’t want to schedule a big block of time for a girl I don’t know all that well yet, just in case she doesn’t show up, or I decide I don’t really like her all that much. I want her to understand that my time is scarce, as well, so I don’t want to spend a lot of time with her right off the bat. I’d rather schedule a little time, meet up with her, get her interested to see more of me, and get back on with the rest of my day.

What an Informational Date looks like for me:

  • Lunch or Dinner: meeting up with a girl over lunch or dinner works perfect for me – I knock a meal out and knock an Informational Date out in one block of time. I never go anywhere too expensive or fancy for this – I’ll schedule this for somewhere close by to my home or work or anywhere else I have an appointment, and have the girl meet me there. Maybe a nice deli or an inexpensive Italian restaurant. Occasionally I’ll have a girl pick me up from somewhere else and drive me – that works too. I always split the bill with the girl, and call it a day (or a date, in this case!) after the meal is over. The one exception is if I can see the girl is extremely interested, in which case I will invite her home for a nightcap or to have a drink and some dessert.

  • Shopping: if I have to buy something downtown that a girl might find interesting – at, say a bookstore or a clothing store – I’ll sometimes invite her along. Again, knocking out two birds with one stone here – doing something I need to do, and having a girl meet up with me, give me a hand with my shopping, and get to know me better in the process.

I will sometimes have multiple Informational Dates with a girl, particularly if she is more conservative, taking longer to get to know me, or I’m just pressed for time or our schedules don’t line up just yet but I still want to see her and keep her “warm” for me.



Structured Date

The “Structured Date” is the one that’s the most work – it’s the one where I know a girl is more interested in me, and we can do more things together, but perhaps not interested enough to come to my apartment and get intimate right away. So I’ll put some time in and plan out a Structured Date – so named because it’s structured to follow an arc. You want to begin with low-pressure, low-investment activities, since your girl may still be deciding on you, and build up to an opportunity for intimacy at the end of the date.

So here’s a Structured Date template I’ve used with success on multiple occasions:

  • Have girl meet me at my place, or pick me up at my place
    • Go and grab a coffee or tea, or get some ice cream
      • Go do a fun activity – go to a comedy show (and get very cosy with her throughout) or go to the beach (and pick her up and throw her in the water!)
        • Go back to my place to unwind
          • Make dinner or drinks as necessary
            • Get intimate

I helped a friend design his structured date, which looked like this:

  • Have girl come to his place and help him make a picnic lunch
    • Take girl and picnic lunch out to the beach near his house (you could use a park too, if you’re not near the ocean, or maybe even your yard)
      • Head back to his place after the picnic to watch a movie in bed
        • Get intimate

Structured Dates work well at helping you get some good success on dates with women who had been even borderline prior to the date. They let you spend time with her, do different things, and finally handle logistics and end up in a situation suitable for seduction.



Easy Date

“Easy Date” is what I call any date where the girl comes over to my place and the date happens there. Maybe we are watching a movie; maybe we are cooking dinner; maybe we are just hanging out. Regardless, because the date takes place 1) in the most convenient place for me it could possibly take place, and 2) in an ideal location for seduction, it makes things very easy for me.

Even if your girl completely resists your advances, on an Easy Date you haven’t lost much – you didn’t have to go anywhere, likely didn’t have to spend much or at all on the date, and in the odd chance a girl has to postpone or cancel, you can get some work done or take a nap. If she’s late you won’t care – you weren’t stuck somewhere waiting for her; you were at home!

Easy Dates are my favorite kinds of dates, and I use them any and every chance I get. Once I’ve gone through at least one or two Structured Dates with girls, I will almost refuse to do anything other than Easy Dates until we’ve gotten intimate together at least once.

Easy Dates also minimize the risk of a woman trying to use you as an “activity partner” or slot you into the friend zone. If you’re insisting on her coming over to your place, and you’re escalating physically when she gets there, she’s either going to get intimate with you, or she’s going to give up on trying to make you her shopping companion / activity buddy / party liaison. It’s far better to avoid doing too many fun things with women before you’ve gotten intimate with them; otherwise, they may come to value you too highly for the fun you provide to risk getting intimate with you and potentially losing access to the fun if things don’t work out.

~~~~~~~~~~

You’ll notice some common dates missing on here – group activities like taking your girl to a party, or inviting her along to a nightclub when you go, for instance. That’s because group activities don’t help your girl to get to know you much better, and overprovide good feelings and contacts and connections for her in the process. Group activities train a woman to see you more as a source of fun than a potential mate. Stick to one-on-one date formats, like the ones discussed above, and you’ll do fine.

Date templates have the potential to be an enormous boon to your dating life – they make things a lot clearer and more straightforward and give you a path and series of steps for moving things ahead with the women you meet. Throw a few date templates together for yourself, or use these here –you’ll find them useful.

Chase

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Comments

leo's picture

help plz..


ok i hope u answer this asap cuz this drivin me nuts... this girl comes at my work and.one day i asked fo her number and after talkin to each other few times on phone, we decided to go out fo dinner.. and it went great.. she had reallybgood time.(well it seemed tht way...) and after dinner she sat next to me and we start kissing... and then i dropped her off and left... she came to my work again and ask me to come out and talk 2 her and we start makin out and stuff.. ok so this week she asked me through a text tht if i wanna hang out in eve again and i said sure but later on she texted me.bak saying she cant go cuz somthin really imp came up and i was.fine with it.. next day i.called her and she dint answer... and its been 2 days (todays 3rd) and she dint call me bak and neither did i... wht u think i should do? and why would she do this? and we r supose to go out on Friday again... but im not sure if its gonna happen noe...

X2's picture

Hey Leo, I think Chase is


Hey Leo,

I think Chase is really busy with other things and so he couldn't reply here. I will try to answer your question properly.

The girl who asked you out doesn't find you Challenging enough. You are making yourself too available all the time. Just wait for her to Call you and tell her that you have something more important and will go out some other time with her. This shows her you are not Desperate and will chase you :)

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Girl canceling dates / not texting

Author

X2's got it mostly covered here -- well said, X2.

Only thing I'd add, Leo, is that moving a little too slow is going to play a part -- when you're kissing, intimacy's not far away, and oftentimes kissing a girl but not sleeping with her can mean the death of the potential for something to happen there as she starts seriously thinking about whether she wants it to happen or not and putting you on the boyfriend scale and doing all kinds of detrimental stuff.

So, two ways of dealing with a flakey girl like this:

  • Tell her you're a little too busy, like X2 suggests, and counteroffer another time / ask her when else in her schedule is clear, or
  • Be super chill about it -- girls dig guys who don't fluster. This one's a little tougher to pull off, because the language in your texts has to be nearly perfect; e.g. "Hey, no worries. Drop me a line when your schedule clears up ;)" That puts you firmly into the "cool guy who'll be available when my time frees up" category and decidedly out of the "possessive / needy boyfriend candidate who desperately wants to spend time with me and 'get' me" category.

Cheers bro,

Chase

But What About's picture

-


When the "informational date" went alright (first one), we left, and I casually invited the girl over to my apt to watch some TV, and she declined saying she Would Like To, but legitimately had an early morning engagement.
The problem is, that, in just a few text messages back and forth after we left, I persisted after she rain-checked me. I was persistent, and she said so. I got left holding the bag by sending the last text message. I will definitely see her in class in two days and the rest of the university semester; this is the girl I sat next to on the first day who just happens to live alone in a very close neighboring apt community.
I'm cool keeping radio silence for a few days - I have other options and many, many things to do - but how do I not scare her off? She is younger than I originally thought and I am considering just moving on to save any hang-ups.
Having known about your site and found it entertaining and informative, I bring this case to you, Chase.

TJN

Anonymous's picture

I like this advice


I like this advice

Anonymous's picture

Relationship Advice


Hey guys. So i need some advice, and any and all would be appreciated.
So i met this girl in college classes about two weeks ago (its summer school). I saw her sitting in a dining area alone, so I asked if i could join her. We had a fun conversation, and I think we both enjoyed it. So a few days later I asked her for lunch, she was busy but we met up again a little less than a week later. I think we hit it off, because I made her laugh a lot and she seemed to be having fun. Then, there is this really cool spot at the college where I asked her out. She said, almost entirely quoted, that "I'm going to be honest with you. I just got out of a relationship and I'm done with boys. But I do want to be you friend." So I'll admit I got a bit awkward, but I think I handled it well. I smiled and said "Okay, but just so you know, it doesn't have to be a big deal. We can just take it easy." So then later that day I texted her (I probably should have called) and told her a date idea, but both of our schedules were too busy on the days we were free. So I'm waiting until sometime next week. My question is how is this going? Is she as geniunely interested as I thought? Should I talk to her in between now and next week, or give her time until I set the date? and should i be the one to initiate this date too, or wait till she decides she misses me? Thanks guys, I appreciate it.

Anonymous's picture

Help please!


So, I am a freshman in college, and trying to pick up chicks. I am talking to one girl atm, got her phone number and Skype on the first day we met. The same night she added me on fb. Then, I checked my phone an she had texted me three times and I thought she was asleep. I texted her "u dead yet?" And she almost immediately responded with "Ohhhh you're not sleeping? You got my texts? Haha awks". I then proceeded to continue texting with her, building rapport and leaving the possibility for a meet. She responded almost immediately to every text I sent her, and she was reciprocating on my texts. Now my dilemma is that, say I do the easy date and all, I'm going to need a couple more ideas of places I can get intimate with her. This is because I live with my parents and so does she, so I don't know if she will be comfortable with me going to her place. Also, I would love to bring her to my place, but my parents or going to embarrass me about it in front of her. Lastly, if she doesn't feel attracted, or doesn't want to get intimate after the date, what do I do? Like, how would I close on that, and how would I deal with her at school? I see her 4 days a week :/ Thanks in advance :D

Anonymous's picture

Deep dive?


When using a date template, should one still escalate and deep dive as usual? Or will that be perceived as moving too fast, as seen in the case study in "The Last Post You'll Ever Need?"

deadliftman's picture

drink dates?


What do you think of grabbing a drink or two at a nearby bar as a date?
Also in structured dates, do you really need to plan a fun activity together?

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