Booty Calling; or, Turning Phone Numbers Into Sex | Girls Chase

Booty Calling; or, Turning Phone Numbers Into Sex

booty callOver on the discussion boards, Stratvm discussed a phone number he'd grabbed in Switzerland while just passing through, and wanted to know how he could convert this quick phone number into a real booty call - how does he get this girl coming over for sex. He noted:

It would be nice to have a blog post on how to convert numbers to same day lays; now I'm just guessing how to proceed.

This article is going to be about two things:

  1. How to get a girl you've just met to respond to a "booty call"
  2. How to get into a booty call relationship with a girl you've already been with
  3. How to screen for the women who are likely to be open to booty calls

... and that last one's especially important. Not every girl is open to the idea of slinking over to your pad close to the witching hour for a late night slice of lovin'. Some women find the idea offensive to their sensibilities.

But the ones who are open to it... you may well be leaving them feeling a little less excitement in their lives by not going for it.

So here's how to pull a booty call off - and we'll begin with all the wrong ways men go about trying to get women over for some quality between-the-sheets time.

Chase AmanteAbout the Author: Chase Amante

Chase woke up one day in 2004 tired of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out dating. After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his Mastery Package.

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Comments

Anonymous's picture

Great article! I completely agree that setting the right expectations right off the bat is the most effective way to go. Doing things this way rules out the ones who aren't going to bite anyway (so you waste no time) and for those that are on the fence or interested gets them excited..."finally a man I like has the courage and social savvy to approach me how I want to be approached!"

I know sexiness is part body language, vibe, and part dialogue. It's easy for me to do the sexy eyes and bedroom voice, and touch, but the dialogue aka presentation (implication and suggestion) is what I need some help with. Especially since alot of women I meet in my city in the daytime aren't as bold right off the bat -- they give me little to respond to. Responding in a tactfully sexy way (after a girl already has done so) is relatively easy for me depending on my mood, but initiating the sexy-dialogue in a social savvy way is something I just have difficulty with. And so the challenge I have is letting them know in not-so-overt ways what I want to do. I know logically what chase framing and sexual framing do...they set up the frame (idea) in their minds and gets them thinking about what could happen. But with women the challenge is to do this in a way that threads the needle that isn't too overtly sexual (turn-off), but has just enough punch to get the point across. So my focus for the next few weeks is to look at some conversational examples to design my sexy dialogue, so that I can flex them at will in real-time. So any tips, links, or advice, books, etc would be greatly appreciated. (I imagine you may be reluctant to post any conversational examples due to a large reader-base, but I do need help, and I don't think I'm alone).

Thanks and great article!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Yes, that's often the tricky part - getting going in the first place. Normally you want to feel a girl out a little bit before diving into anything too verbally sexual (though you can easily be nonverbally sexual right from the get-go). A few semi-sly remarks usually do the trick - judge her response and see if she's comfortable engaging in some sexual banter and innuendo from there. Like:

You: I like your hair.

Her: Thanks!

You: You use that to make men chase you around and act ridiculous?

or:

You: Cool earrings.

Her: Thanks!

You: I'll bet those bring all the boys to the yard.

(that latter'd be one you'd only use if you were getting at least a modicum of sexual signals from her)

Once she's responded well to innuendo like that, you can start chase framing and painting her as the pursuer. If she doesn't respond that well, or she's neutral in her response, you just move onto another topic and take a more neutral tone with her. Her response usually tells you how you can expect things to go with her... excited/playing along is good, and shy/bashful is good, while annoyed is not good.

There's a conversation example (with comments and explanations) up here, that should help for getting a little more grounding:

Conversation Example

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Getting younger women
Posted by Anonymous on Sunday, 7 April 2013

Hi Chase, I am a 24 year old male and I am only interested in girls who are 18/19 and in my country the only place I can hookup with them is at schools or social clubs. I dont know how to approach these girls in such a way that I will not creep them up and I had loads of failures with women of my age in the past. please give me tips and specific articles to improve my game and confidence.Thanks !

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

It's hard to know what specifically you're missing from a short, brief description - e.g., do you usually do well with women in general, and just struggle with this specific age group, or is it women overall you need work with? There can be some cultural differences between how women think about older men, but generally women prefer older men to younger. Girls who are still in their late teens / early twenties tend to prefer men who are bigger, more blatant "assholes" than older women (who find subtlety more appealing), simply because they're not as experienced in the mating game yet and aren't as good at reading between the lines - and the men they're most used to aren't yet either.

Anyway, you mention struggling with women your own age as well, which makes it sound like it's more women overall you need to work on than one particular age group (and really, the difference between ages is more nuance than radical changes). Start with nailing your fundamentals down - walk, posture, eye contact, voice, movement speed, effort levels, basic conversational opening - and once you're getting better responses from women in general, keep targeting more things for improvement.

And when you're dealing with younger girls... just be a little more of a jerk than usual (but, not too much!).

Chase

Brian48's picture

Funny you put this article out. I ran into a sexy 23 year old Columbian chick a few weeks back, me being black this doesnt happen too often. Anyway I took her home and slept with her same night. I later found out she was unemployed, had no real plans for the future and despite the fact that she drank and smoked weed everyday she basically couldnt maintain her composure under either influence. She also mentioned something about enjoying cocaine from time to time.

So my thinking was that I definitely couldnt make her my girlfriend but we definitely could be sex buddies as long as she somewhat behaved around me, so I continued to let her come threw a few days a week.

This is where everything got weird, I felt myself getting alittle attached, so for a few days at a time I would either kick it with my boys or I would be with another chick or two. She would call me every night, I wouldnt always answer but when I did she would want to know where I had been.

Thats when the "mixed signals" came in: she invited me to her her folks house cooked me a homemade Spanish meal, started talking about how she wanted a boyfriend then later when we were making out put a huge hicky on me.

Then
5 minutes later she'd be talking some guy that asked for her number or this dude or that dude. So I basically sat her down and told her that I did care about her and there were things I liked about her but I felt she was too much of a party girl to be what I wanted in a relationship, that we should just be sex buddies, and respectfully not put other people in each others faces like she seemed to like to do.

I dont know what registered but things came to a head on a beer run we made together. We got in line, she bought beer and cigs but had to use the bathroom in the middle of the transaction so collected the mechandise and her wallet and waited for her outside in my car. She comes out the bathroom starts flirting with this guy in my plain view then proceeds to follow the guy to his car.

I in turn get pissed and pull off, deciding to take all her money out her wallet and that I would drink all her beer and smoke her smokes. As soon as I get back to my spot she pulls up with this guy saying he wanted to smoke weed with us. So Im like how could you bring some strange dude to my house. The guy got scared and took off. I tell her tgtf off my property, the she starts to get upset saying how could I treat her like this and so forth.
I continued to cuss her out for another half hour and she finally gave up and left.
What do you make of all this?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Brian-

Not much to make of it - sounds like you knew what you what you were getting into from the start, but got into it anyway for the sex. I've been there, and had to learn the lesson - when a girl's got red flags all over, you just stay away. One-night stand at best... and even then, you've got to be pretty careful. The more problems someone has, generally, the more attachment issues they have, the clingier they get, and the weirder and more extreme they get.

Anyway, you clearly had a girl with lots of issues who only knew how to use passive aggressive ways to try and strong arm you into a relationship (which no doubt would've been a big mess regardless). A girl like this, if you're going to keep her on in any capacity, you really only want to have coming over to your place, and never be doing things in public or give her the chance to cause public drama / problems for you. And the instant she starts doing so, you've got to give her the boot.

Usually though, it's just better not to start up with her in the first place. My personal rule is as soon as a girl starts showing me she has problems - substance abuse, major relationship baggage, glaring personality disorders, financial problems, whatever - we're done. She has my sympathy, but personally, I don't have a whole heck of a lot of time to play superman / suffering servant these days. There are lots of beautiful girls out there with healthy psychology - much better to be with one of them instead.

Chase

Brian48's picture

Thanks Chase, you're right on point.

Hunt's picture

Hey Chase, great post.

Can you do a post on how to be "cool", and the personality of a cool person? I've read your posts on investment and sprezzerata, however i still can quite grasp it. It seems like when I go to parties or group situations, some people are so "alpha" (the traditional term) and just have it. The thing is, they can do stuff thats against the LOLE, like shout very loudly and occasionally act like an asshole. All in all, im very confused about the topic

Hunt

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hunt-

Most definitely! That's a topic I enjoy a good deal, and can spin a good yarn about.

For the record, shouting ≠ cool, although there are an inordinate amount of young guys who try to use it as such, and other young guys intimidated/awed by it. If you're legitimately cooler than they are though, you can actually make the alpha jocks a little self conscious for shouting while you sit there looking composed and powerful.

Anyway, I'll toss it on the posting queue.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase,

I know a girl that I asked out on a date before. At first, she ignored my text but I persisted and she agreed to go on a date with me on Friday. She said that she was free Friday around noonish and I said I would text her to confirm as she was leaving at that point. What time frame would you wait before texting this girl to confirm again? Would you do it now or wait till tomorrow? thanks!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Usually it's better not to say you'll "text to confirm," because that makes it sound more tentative, and she may make other plans, assuming you'll cancel or flake. When you've said it though, you want to reply as soon as you can.

Just send her something like, "Hey Katie - workable if we move things up to 12:20 from 12:00 tomorrow? Just realized I don't escape from project meeting Friday until 11:50 AM - let me know if 12:20 PM tomorrow works okay!"

Chase

Christie's picture

It was very interesting to read this on as the "converting new lover into casual relationship girl." Most girls get into a friends with benefits or booty call expecting it to turn into something more so heading all of this makes me wish I had read this sooner. Now I understand why my booty call or Fwb would text me everyday and tell me so much of his personal life without taking me anywhere. He doesn't even make a snack while I am over. He tells me things about his friends and family, but never introduces me to them, go for a movie together, coffee, nothing. It is a very weird situation. I know he doesn't see me as girlfriend material or he would want to see other than having sex. Once we went a month without having sex. We continued to text daily, but he never asked to hang out and do something together. Yet he tells me about his family issues and personal issues. This has been going on for over 6 months. And he knows I have feelings for him. At this point, if a guy has been talking to a girl consistently for 6 months, sexually attracted to her, confides in her, and basically act like they are in a relationship (without going out) why leave her as a booty call? Why not update her to girlfriend!

Zac's picture

Hi,

I'm no Chase, but here's my thoughts.

At this point, he really likes you very much. Just like me, who have been in a similar situation, The problem with this is that he wants you to behave like a girlfriend before he knows that he can jump into a relationship with you. I done this before. I forgot to realize that a women has invested in me already.

He's in a transition period, where he is accessing.

Zac

Christie's picture

Thanks for responding! But what you said conflicts everything I have heard or read about men. I always hear that if a man sees you as girlfriend material he will waste no time in making you his girlfriend. I read if a man makes you his booty call, there is a reason why you are a booty call and not girlfriend. In my case he clearly told me in the beginning he didn't want a relationship, but in the same light, he also said there is always a chance things could progress but he is not making promises. We have gotten much closer since then, we are best friends, last night he told me about his mother's problems, we tell eachother everything. If he is "testing" me to see how I am as a girlfriend, shouldn't that include dates? We never see eachother unless we going to have sex. Maybe it's just me, but that doesn't sound a guy that likes a girl. And 6 months to test someone? Isn't that rather much?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Christie-

He sounds like he's either semi-good with women, or he's the type of guy who's good with women but really enjoys having an emotional bond even with his casual lovers.

If he's the first, he's usually in conflict, like what Zac mentions. He has this or that expectation about what he wants in a girlfriend, gets together with you, thinks he can do better than whatever you've got in whatever department it is he thinks he can do better in, so keeps you casual while he continues looking. At the same time, him having a casual partner also reduces his motivation to go on the prowl for newer girls, and he slowly has scarcity mentality start to set in. At that point, he'll begin to rationalize to himself more and more that actually you're a pretty good girl and the two of you have good chemistry and you've always been good to him and whatnot, and at some point the two of you are now boyfriend and girlfriend. From what I've seen with these kinds of guys, is does take a while though - usually anywhere from 5 to 15 months (because he keeps telling himself he's going to find someone even more amazing than you, he just needs a little bit longer - though at some point, he quits believing that and starts changing his tune).

If he's the second, on the other hand, the chance of him making you a girlfriend at some point are remote, UNLESS you're both close to the top of what he can get (in looks and personality/chemistry) and he's close to a settling down age late-20s to mid-30s for most guys - look at his friends (i.e., if they're all settling down, he'll start looking to settle down soon too). These guys only slow down when they hit that speed bump - you're near their top, and they're nearing "old age" for the wild young player variety. Before then, he really, genuinely enjoys women - lots of women. He enjoys talking to them, spending time around them, chatting with them. He also enjoys pulling their strings and being in control (which, if he's this kind of guy, is why he'll text you a lot - it lets him feel like he's continuing to supply you with the daily emotion boost you need to stick around).

If he is a Guy #2, these guys are very free with their emotions (they're just free in general... pretty cool people if you can get past their free-spirited nature meaning it's hard to get what you want from them relationship-wise), and they'll tend to confide in whomever's handy if they like the person.

The fact that he took a one-month break from seeing you / sex with you doesn't bode well for any kind of long-term relationship - he sounds like he probably falls into the Guy #2 category above. If he's taking that much time off, you're almost certainly not the only girl he's seeing - so, while you're having feelings for him and wondering why he doesn't upgrade you to girlfriend, there are two or three other girls feeling the same way and asking him the same question.

What it works out to is, when multiple women are asking you to upgrade them to girlfriend, but you're happy with things the way they are (and have the ability to replace them with relatively little effort if need be), there's not much reason to change.

Chase

akc's picture

its sounds like video game, at higher levels you loss life quickely and promise to yourself that you won't play this SHIT again but next day you will play againg; Christie find another man who cares about you, or CONTINUE COMPLAINING as other booties does and fuck him again and again as a needy low selfesteem Lady.

ZacAdam's picture

Christie,

For a guy who is not good with women, and doesn't have other women chasing him, it makes sense for the guy to make a girl his girlfriend fast. But for your case, i would say he is good with women, at least, from what i read here.

There's a lot of things going on in your case here. There is a conflict of goals that is conflicting him. Can be he still wants to date other girls, he can't meet you at the moment for work related or financial reasons, friends influence, family like how he told you about his mother's problems. The list goes on. and it can everything altogether.

It is rather much for a guy to test a girl for 6 months, although this can be unconscious. 6 months to a year is good enough time for transitioning a girl into a girlfriend. I have tested a girl longer than that, and i am not proud of it. I didn't do it on purpose. Just that i love the girl, and i had problems, and i needed her, but then there's other girls that like me that much too, but she was the one i trusted.

Sometimes, you accidentally put people as a backburner, things happen.

Zac

Christie's picture

I felt what you were saying was true. I decided not to be so cynical of the situation and believe he may actually have feelings for me. I had sex with him again for the first time in a month. I thought everything went great, but he turned cold on me. I didn't hear from him in days. I confronted him about it and it appeared he didn't care. I told him, I'm tired of this instability and I don't want to hear from him again. And he alright. I couldn't believe how much I was played. I thought of the secrets and personal details he would tell me about his life and how he would confide in me, and now he is treating me like an annoying one night stand. It's very upsetting. Why would he be so conniving just to get in my pants?

Zac's picture

It's actually understandable a women will go into buyer's remorse when a guy doesn't reassure her emotions after a night of sex. A simple text the next day usually is appropriate.

I don't know how you come across towards him, You could have barrage him with questions about everything happen between you two, but then again, it's not really your fault for him not reassuring your emotions. Yikes..

Zac

Christie's picture

This is in his behavior to get distance after sex. He usually disappears for about a day and comes back. This time, he didn't contact me the following day and I assumed he was consumed with work as well to him usually not contacting me the day after. The day after that he didnt contact me until I contacted him. I told him he was immature and I don't like how he is treating me and all he said was okay. Then I told him, I'm done with all of this drama with him and i don't want to hear from him again and he simply responded okay. My blood is boiling. Our night together was more special than before, we held each other for sibling and talked for hours. We ended the night in a kiss after him dropping me off. I don't know if I was feeding off of your advice but I actually started to feel like "wow, I finally feel like his girlfriend". All of my insecurities dissipated. Even if Kate Upton stood next to me, I felt that confident in my relationship with him that night. We held hands, watched tv, laughed, talked, very "couply" Now he doesn't care about me anymore. I can't sleep, I feel so used. Like I was nothing this whole time. All just for sex. It hurts.

Zac's picture

Christie,

It hurts, i can agree. You come to him and barraging to him was just a testament that buyer's remorse should not be taken lightly. Anyway, Women will go away for awhile after a casual relationship. and sometimes they will come back. Perhaps the last sex was wanting to know if you good enough for him. Nevertheless, It's good to hear from a women perspective, and yes, it is never good to behave like a boyfriend when you casual.

Zac

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase,
First thanks for these articles, great advice and very helpful. I wanted to ask you about how to convert a booty call into a relationship. I have pretty decent experience with woman and I am currently in a booty call, sex only, relationship with this girl I met about a month ago. It's just a very odd situation, because in this case, she only wants sex but I want her to be my girlfriend (usually it's the other way around). She's the "girl that's more like a man" type, is very unromantic and cringes when I try to be. She's your typical, young Russian girl (20) with an attitude, very independent and thinks she only needs men for sex. Thing is, I am her first sexual relationship, she was a virgin before me. I am also older and way more experienced (25) and know that she probably doesn't even know what she wants. I try not to chase her too much but it's very hard when she gives me absolutely nothing to work with, last weekend she was booty calling me and this week she is being cold as ice, even turning down my booty call the other night. Definitely the hardest game I've ever had to pull.

I am curious as to what your opinion would be on this and if you have experience of know of a specific type of game to get her to want me more and possibly develop feelings for me eventually. I know that you once said that for us guys time is on our side, since eventually woman will develop feelings in this situation, but with her I am not entirely sure!

Much obliged,
Alex

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Alex-

This tends to happen naturally so long as 1) you're providing her with great sex and great experiences, and 2) you're clearly LESS interested in a relationship than she is. If either of these are missing though - if the sex and experiences aren't tight, and/or she can tell you're more interested in a relationship with her than she is with you - a relationship tends not to happen.

Here, it sounds like you've chased the relationship a bit, and she's picked up on it. The problem there is that the normal dynamic is "men chase sex, women chase relationships," and people tend to slate members of the opposite sex as "low quality" when they find them chasing the other. e.g., most men view women who chase sex as "sluts," while most women view men who chase relationships as "weak/needy."

The best thing you can do at this point is to stop chasing a relationship with her at ALL, and just focus on giving her such phenomenal sex while being so nonchalant around her and not caring if she comes or goes that she starts to feel like you provide the best thing she has access to in her life and that she has zero control over you. Only then does she start chasing the relationship.

Thing is, with a girl this dominant (it sounds like you're fairly experienced, and she's still calling the shots here), you must maintain this dynamic ever after... or she's going to get bored and start retreating from the relationship again. She must always be pursuing you, so long as you're together.

Anyway, there's more nuance to this, but that's the 30,000 foot view. This is a good topic, and I'll see if I can do a longer article on it.

Chase

Buzzchuck's picture

Watched pornography with women with it accelerated emotions; slept with women who admitted to watching it (often girl porn) and admitted to having "self/inflicted" orgasms before our date while watching that stuff. Contrary to statements made in this article

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