Note from Chase:
Every now and then I get asked about Asian guys and white girls. I understand why some guys ask this; there is a very human tendency we all have to say, "Well, that may work for you, but it's only because you're white / black / Asian / tall / muscular / super smart / naturally talented / some other thing outside of one's power to change." And no matter how much you tell people that that's just an excuse, many of them cling staunchly to this. Chase is a white guy; what does he know about being Asian?
In fact, I've had a number of Asian male friends who were very talented with white women. One of them was a Korean-American guy from Middle America who'd been a nightclub promoter and body builder and even when he was unemployed and not sure what he wanted to do with his life slept with tons of beautiful white girls more easily than most white guys can. Another was a short Chinese-born guy who seemed to literally will white women into bed by sheer persistence and charm.
But I still get questions from Asian guys about Asian guys and white girls, so I asked another Asian friend of mine named Jerome - yet another Chinese-born guy who does very well for himself with European and American white girls back in the US and elsewhere - to write a guest post on the topic.
At first Jerome was a little confounded when I asked him. "What do you want me to write about, exactly?" he asked confusedly.
"Just your experience with getting girls as an Asian guy... particularly white girls," I said.
"How's that any different from getting girls as a white guy?" he asked me.
"It's not," I replied, "but I've got readers who think it really is. You'd be helping a lot of guys out if you could just give your perspective."
"All right," he responded, "but I'm telling you, it's exactly the same for an Asian guy as it is for a white guy."
Without further ado, here's his post.
The Asian American Experience: Young, Asian, and American
Growing up in America and trying to find love can be difficult. Especially coming from a different culture that values hard work, sacrifice and family. This does not translate into social success. The Asian values that I was raised with were considered beta by most American girls.
As a young man, I used to chase girls, but that never works. I soon realize I had a unique advantage. The willingness to be persistent and to be positive.
The second quality I had was, I never bought into the idea of Asian stereotypes. Like Jeremy Lin, I just live my life.
I was not aware of Asian negative stereotypes until this year. I guess I subconsciously refuse to believe in negative ideas. Never read about them or talked about them. I just remain positive and live life. I do notice guys who buy into this. They usually suck with girls. I had a lot of friends in California who always talked about their limiting beliefs. You know what happens to them.
I always believed in love and that love does not see color. I also did not see white girls as superior to Asian girls. I love Asian girls as much or more than any race. I do not have a preference for white girls. I find beauty in all women.
The first time I noticed these negative beliefs was when I was in NYC.
The summer in NYC is beautiful. It’s the mecca of day game. I was trying to move there to build a career in finance. I was there to interview for a finance job. I was in union square doing day game - I love day game - when I was introduced to a young good-looking Chinese guy named Edward.
Edward originally went to college in China, and had just graduated with an M.S. in Finance in America and had been recently promoted to V.P. of a major investment bank. In addition to being good looking and fashionable, he was 6 feet tall. Basically, he had no excuse or reason to fail.
Edward had a great apartment in SoHo, was young, had a career he loved, good friends, and he was good-looking.
So what excuse or reason he had to fail? Well, he found one. Being Asian!
He went 3 years without a date, in NYC! Wow!
Edward spent three years blaming his success with women on being Asian. There is no evidence that shows this is true. But he believes in it.
A friend once told me. If you look for fault, you will find it. Edward found his.
The first thing that came out of his mouth, when I was introduced to him: “Asian guys can’t get white girls.” WTF. Where did all this negative programming come from? Do not indulge, entertain or explore this idea or belief.
Wow I was speechless.
What in the world is going on? I was just glad I did not know him back in the days when I started out.
I guess I was lucky, when I was in high school; the guys I saw who were successful with girls were Asian guys. I noticed the hottest American girl in my high school was dating an Asian guy (she was white if that matters to you; it shouldn’t). I remember that Asian dude, and all I can say was, he was bad ass. He dressed super fashionable and he was confident. He was fearless and did not give a shit what anyone thought of him. I guess this subconsciously taught me that Asian guy are attractive. A value I still believe and hold true.
Back to Edward’s story. What I saw in Edward was a good looking guy who was confident. Edward didn’t see that; all he could see were his limiting beliefs. I felt really bad for the guy. I decided to teach Edward in the three days I was there.
The best quality about Edward was that he wanted to learn this.
He met me in Union square for three days and three nights. Well... it’s not like he had dates lined up. Anyways.
Edward was a trooper. He would approach any girl at any place. I gave him some of the same advice Chase gives to all his students.
After I left NYC, two weeks later Mr. Edward found his first American girlfriend. She was your typical American girl. An NYU girl, she was a member of a sorority, young, tall and beautiful. I was not surprised at Edwards’s quick success. Edward had good game; he just didn’t believe in himself and needed to stop all that negative beliefs of Asian stereotypes.
My advice to young guys starting out, regardless if you’re Asian or not. Stop talking about Asian stereotypes and start living your life. Talking about it is just pure mental masturbation. No action, all talk.
Edward is living his life now. He’s been dating that American girl for more than two years.
A Final Note on Asian Guys and White Girls
You know one thing I've noticed about supposedly "disadvantaged" guys is... the instant women smell confidence on you, all thoughts of disadvantage go away.
I've watched women who staunchly told me they'd never date a guy shorter than them end up with men they had half a foot on... because the guy was confident.
I've listen to women tell me they'd never date a guy of a certain race, only for them to fall for a guy of precisely that race.
I eventually came to the realization that nothing is absolute, including what people think they want. It all goes out the window the instant they meet someone who has the qualities that they actually find attractive.
And what women actually find attractive is not the shade of your skin or the size of your eyes or the texture of your hair... it's how confident, dominant, and attractive you ARE that matters to them most.
If you get your attractiveness handled, and get yourself to the point where the other men around you stop feeling like competition - because you've worked to improve yourself and they haven't, like most men (heck, most people in general) don't - you'll have all the choice with women you could possibly want.
Even with white girls.