5 Sex Pro Tips to Last Longer in Bed


how to last longer in bedYou've finally gotten that beautiful girl you'd been dreaming about being with in bed. Her clothes are off; she's wet, and she's ready. You drop your jeans, lower yourself over her, and go in.

You begin to thrust - in and out, out and in. She feels great; and she moans - you know it feels good for her too.

Then, the unspeakable happens: you'd been hoping to give her an incredible performance...

But instead, your body doesn't listen, and you ejaculate into her inside of minutes... maybe sometimes even seconds.

She's obviously disappointed; you're obviously humiliated. Why does this happen to you? Why can't you just make it stop... and be like one of those stallion-like men in the movies who go for hours and hours?

You know she's rethinking her decision to go to bed with you; even as she tells you it's okay, it's fine, not to worry about it, you know what she's really thinking: He didn't seem like the kind of guy who was going to have this problem... what a let down.

Why does early ejaculation happen - and what can you do to stop it, and how do you learn how to last longer in bed?


how to last longer in bed

In 2007, around the time I started struggling with performance anxiety and being able to get turned on with new women I was taking to bed, I ran smack into another distressing sexual problem: suddenly, I began to prematurely ejaculate.

Previously, I'd had no difficulty lasting for 30, 40, or 50 minutes in a row. I didn't even have to try to control my ejaculation... it simply took a long time for me to reach climax. I normally had to keep going long after I'd already made a girl orgasm herself into exhaustion, and now she was just lying there tired, experiencing small mini orgasm aftershocks, waiting for me to finish up.

But then, one day, something happened.

Suddenly, I found myself struggling to not cum too soon into sex.

I had no idea how to last longer in bed... it hadn't been a problem I'd had to deal with before. The only things I'd paid attention to when reading about it in the past were "Think of a baseball game." But I didn't watch baseball all that much.

The problem got worse and worse - I'd be struggling not to cum in 15 minutes, then 10 minutes, then less. Sometimes I'd win the battle... sometimes not.

Finally, one day, I started having sex with a girl, and less than 2 minutes in, I lost control and came. All I could do stare at her sheepishly and say, "It's never happened that fast for me before..."


Serotonin and Penis Sensitivity

I had a theory for a long time that penis sensitivity was related to premature ejaculation. The more sensitive you were, the bigger a problem this was for you, I suspected. I had friends who struggled with far more premature ejaculation than me report that the sensation was just so good that they sometimes came just trying to put the condom on.

It turns out this is indeed part of the problem... but the other part? It's anticipation.

From "The Neurobiological Approach to Premature Ejaculation", a meta-study reviewing literature on premature ejaculation published between 1887 and 2001, and published in The Journal of Urology:

[P]sychopharmacological treatment studies, animal research data and stopwatch assessments in men with rapid (premature) ejaculation indicate that lifelong rapid ejaculation is a neurobiological phenomenon related to central serotonergic neurotransmission and likely influenced by hereditary factors.

...

Basic and clinical psychopharmacological studies suggest that premature ejaculation is a not a psychological disturbance but a neurobiological phenomenon.

In other words,

  • Premature ejaculation is not the result of a man having mental issues / being personality disordered (as had previously been thought - e.g., narcissists cum more quickly, etc.)

  • Premature ejaculation is a result of serotonin (feel-good chemicals) released in the brain and their transmission

So it isn't that you're crazy... it's that your brain is getting very excited.

how to last longer in bed

And in case you were thinking, like I was thinking, that it's all about penile sensitivity - well, we were right:

Patients with primary premature ejaculation have penile hypersensitivity, which provides further implications for an organic basis of premature ejaculation.

That's from "Penile Sensitivity in Patients with Primary Premature Ejaculation", published in the same Journal of Urology, 8 years before the meta-study.

So, we now have two smoking gun factors for why you may be struggling to last longer in bed:

  • The sensitivity of your member
  • The excitement in your brain


The Rush of Premature Ejaculation

I am an incessant analyzer of thoughts, and in the case of premature ejaculation, I took the same process I used to overcome depression and put the magnifying glass on what was happening in my brain when I came too quickly.

And I discovered several things:

  1. First, the sensation was good. It felt good. I enjoyed it.

  2. Next, I focused on the sensation. My mind started thinking about how good the sensation of sex felt.

  3. Then, I started to think about the sensation of climax... which would feel even better.

  4. Once thinking about cumming, I'd begin to feel a heightening of sensation - my body began to rush toward climax.

  5. Sometimes I would try to tell myself, "Don't cum too quickly!" but I noticed that even when I was telling myself this, I was still imagining ejaculation - and just trying to stop that future from happening. But I was imagining the sensation, and my brain and body were excited about it, and rushing headlong toward it anyway.

It became pretty clear what the problem was: thinking about ejaculation.

If you want to ejaculate, all you have to do is think about it, and imagine the sensation it will give you:

  • This can be conscious
  • It can be unconscious
  • It can be while trying to tell yourself not to ejaculate - and thinking about and imagining ejaculation as you do

And when I talked to my friends who were cumming in condoms before they even got to sex, they reported the same thing - they were fearing cumming too early, telling themselves not to cum too early... and thinking about, anticipating, and mentally EXPERIENCING cumming too early.

It's like being at the carnival trying to hit a moving target with a pop gun, telling yourself, "Don't choke... don't choke... don't choke..." and all the while vividly imagining firing the gun and missing the target wide to the side.

What's going to happen when you finally pull the trigger?

You're going to choke.

And just like the nervous man obsessing over not missing with the pop gun at the carnival, when you're reprimanding yourself not to cum early but nevertheless vividly imagining and internally experiencing a wonderful, satisfying release - you're going to choke too.


how to last longer in bed

Yes, organ sensitivity matters - and we'll talk a little more about in what way below. The mind, however, is the most important part of all.

If you have any lingering doubts about how huge a role your mind is in orgasm, just take a look at wet dreams.

I'm sure you've had one - you have a really hot, steamy dream, and have some great sex with a girl in the dream... only to wake up and find yourself alone, soaked in your own ejaculate (or to wake up at the moment you begin ejaculating).

The funny thing about wet dreams is you're not touching yourself - no one is. There's no physical contact happening whatsoever... it's completely in your mind.

The mind alone is enough to bring you to orgasm.

And if you can control it, not only can you achieve orgasm - but you can put it off, too.


How to Last Longer in Bed: 5 Pro Tips

Most of what you see scattered about the Internet for this are tips about squeezing the head of your penis (no fun) or using desensitizing condoms (also no fun). These things work (even my most premature friends have reported an end to premature ejaculation with thick enough condoms... though this usually also ends up leaving them with no ejaculation at all), but take a lot of the joy and enthusiasm out of sex, if you ask me.

I believe your goal with lasting longer in bed needs to be lasting longer without sacrificing the experience of the sex itself... for you or the girl you're sleeping with.

So, that in mind, here are the 5 sex pro tips I used myself to vanquish premature ejaculation problems more or less forever, and not have to rely on a thick piece of latex or on giving myself an unfriendly squeeze - these are the ones you want to achieve the desired end result:

  1. Beginner Level: Multiple Rounds. Most guys are fine the second or, worst case scenario, third round of sex in a row, even if they went fast in the first (or sometimes second) round. If you're prepared for your own fast climaxing, you can be more nonchalant about it and just tell the girl, "It's been a little while / few weeks since my last time, so I might go fast on the first round," so her expectations have already been set. Or, if you weren't anticipating it and it just happened, just tell her this afterward. Then, relax with her until you're ready for sex again... and make up for it in Round 2 or Round 3.

  2. Beginner Level: Baseball. The old baseball trick really does work - or, any sport of your choice (or anything else, for that matter - I used to use American football when I still needed this trick). The trick is really getting into it during sex - really taking yourself through a great game, going through all the plays, or even making up your own imaginary game. The sex won't be quite as good for her as it will be if you're fully present - but you'll at least get your staying power back.

  3. Intermediate Level: Stop and Relax. As you start getting closer to climax, simply stop thrusting... and just stay there inside her. I've seen advice telling you to pull out, but I've never found this necessary - if you simply stop thrusting, you can just stay on top of the girl and drop down to zero sensation in your penis. Don't begin thrusting again until the feeling of excitement has completely subsided - otherwise, you'll just pick up close to where you left off. Don't worry if you only make it a few thrusts, then need a break - just keep doing this, and you'll usually end up getting more staying power after a little while. And, even if you don't - you can still use this to greatly lengthen the time the sex itself takes.

  4. Intermediate Level: Insensitive Positions. If you're still SO worried about lasting longer in bed that you're going to ejaculate no matter what you do, this one won't help much. But if you have that more or less under control and premature ejaculation is only something that happens when you feel more pleasure, get more excited, and start thinking obsessively about ejaculation, you can kill these thoughts by having sex in positions that aren't especially stimulating for males - like woman on top sex, or any number of less-stimulating positions. You can even change positions from a more stimulating position to a less stimulating one when you feel yourself getting overly excited - you can stretch out the sex nearly indefinitely going back and forth between stimulating and not-so-stimulating.

  5. Advanced Level: Total Immersion. The counterintuitive advanced counterpart to distracting yourself with some other engaging line of thought is, instead, completely immersing yourself in the present moment of the sex - the sensation, the girl, what she looks like, what she feels like. The reason this works is because you are NOT thinking about orgasm - orgasm happens in the future, and you are not thinking about the future. You are only thinking about right now. Essentially, if you're thinking about cumming - you are not immersed. Instead, you're imagining your desired future outcome (climax), rather than focusing on what's going on right now (thrusting, touching, stroking, etc.). When totally immersed, you can have sex as long as you like and not cum - it's only when you turn your mental focus back to the objective of ejaculation that you open yourself back up to climax again. This does take some training to do, however.

The goal, of course, is to get to total immersion - where you can just focus completely on the moment, right now, without a single thought about enjoying your future orgasm.


Why is Total Immersion So Powerful?

how to last longer in bedTotal immersion in sex is powerful because it pulls you completely into the present moment, and robs you of the buildup of anticipation that orgasm requires.

Orgasm is dependent on a peaking crescendo of excitement and desire. If you disallow yourself from experiencing this escalating excitement and desire, you shut down the process the mind requires to begin orgasm and ejaculation.

When you hear of guys premature ejaculating simply by putting on a condom, that isn't because they've gone through the process of sex and their bodies are releasing their seed to impregnate a mate. They're doing it because they've worked themselves up so much anticipating sex and become so excited (or nervous... same thing, physiologically) about the prospect of ejaculation, that the slightest touch sets them off.

You probably won't be able to do it as a beginner, but as you work on the other techniques, make sure you're also constantly focused on trying to get yourself present in the hear and now, and shut down thoughts about future orgasm.

If you do this well enough, you may even find yourself having trouble orgasming at times - and when this happens, all you have to do is the reverse: just immerse yourself in the future, imagining how good an orgasm would feel, how amazing the sensation of ejaculating your seed out into this girl. Real-life orgasm will shortly follow.


Other Options for Lasting Longer

There are other options too, some of which I mentioned above:

  • Thicker condoms that desensitize you to sex
  • Squeezing the glans (head of the penis) when you feel yourself nearing climax
  • Doing reverse kegel exercises to even out pushing and pulling kegels
  • Masturbating prior to sex to get the first, quicker orgasm out

... and while you can use these as either a quick fix or (in the case of kegels) a longer-term solution, each is a rather inelegant solution in its own right, and none is really necessary if you use the five tips I shared with you earlier.


Make It Last

The one thing we didn't dwell on much here is penis sensitivity - simply because there isn't much you can do about that. Your sensitivity is what it is - but it is enhanced and controlled by the mind.

While you may be inclined to blame any troubles you have lasting longer in bed on the sensitivity of your member... don't. Because if you remember that meta-study - the one that included every piece of literature on premature ejaculation out there, including the earlier paper we looked at that talked about penis sensitivity - the main realm of premature ejaculation appears to be neurobiological - that is to say, it's mostly in your head.

As great as things may feel, your brain is still responsible for interpreting those sensations... and then deciding what it's going to focus on: the here-and-now... or that prospective orgasm lying (or looming, if you're thinking about it while trying to resist it) just over the horizon.

I still sometimes these days get a little too excited, and think about climax a little too much, and have to take a break to relax and cool off and refocus myself on the present moment or (if I'm really anticipating it for whatever reason) distract myself by playing a mental sports game. But these days, that's pretty uncommon.

The tools above for lasting longer in bed work; they're effective; and they put the power of your sexual performance back in your hands... instead of out of it.

So: if you want those bed-shaking, neighbor-waking, lover-girl-making nights of passion that stretch on and on for as long as you like, until you're both utterly exhausted, don't resort to desensitizing condoms that kill most of the buzz for you and for her, and don't sneak off into the bathroom to rub one out before you do the deed.

Instead, take a little time to learn how to redirect your thoughts and quit obsessing over ejaculating (or NOT ejaculating), and learn to drop the probable future to focus on the definite now. That's where the real pleasure is - for you and her.

Chase

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Comments

Wes's picture

I have a confession


Man, this AND the performance anxiety article. It seems you're preparing us for the final level of seducing a beautiful woman.
I have a confession to make, Chase. Although you wrote an article on "porn", I admit i still have a porn addiction.
I quit for awhile after the eye opening post. But now I'm right back in my old ways. I've noticed that it always happened whenever I get sooo close to getting a girl and then I somehow mess up. I get sexually frustrated and turn to porn and masturbation to ease it.
It's embarrassing. Even though, I try to talk myself out of "thinking" about sex, my imagination and excitement dial up and it happens. :/
Anything specific I can do?

Also, one other question.
Since thinking about climax makes a person climax. Is this true with girls too?
Like for instance, can we make a girl climax faster by making her think about it?
We all know how long they take just to cum, and I've always considered it a success if you were to get a girl to cum fast. Do you have any techniques for making them *think* about cumming?

Wes.
(oh yea, i realize that you may have already answered someone else who asked but could you possibly post a link of your old LRs and FRs. I'm really curious about your past adventures and what I could learn from them)

Chase Amante's picture

Porn, Climax, Reports

Author

Wes-

There's not really much more I can say on porn addiction - everything I've got on it is in that article!: "Break Your Porn Addiction and Sleep with Real Girls Instead."

Think of it like breaking a habit (since that's what it is) - it takes time to do, you'll suffer set backs, but just don't get completely discouraged and you'll get it eventually.

On climax, that's hard to say. I haven't heard anything along those lines with women, nor have I tried anything like that. I suppose it might be possible, if you could get a woman to really think about climaxing. Certainly women who are more experienced orgasming have an easier time of it and cum faster and harder, and women generally need to "learn" to be orgasmic (unlike men, who might have trouble the first couple of times they have sex at most, but figure it out pretty quickly after that). It might be fair to speculate that one of the differences between an experienced woman and an inexperienced one is that the experienced one know what climax thinks about, thinks about it more on her own, and becomes more excited and anticipatory as she feels the various stages of sex, bringing her nearer and nearer to orgasm. Not something I've talked about with a girl though, so that's just a guess.

My old reports were all on boards that are shut down or defunct these days, but if you grab a copy of my eBook, there are two very detailed reports in the annex at the end walking you through what a few typical bar pickups look like.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Ok, and what about keeping


Ok, and what about keeping you erection? it happened to me couple of times when you have sex longer

Chase Amante's picture

Maintaining an Erection

Author

Anon-

That's another one that gets helped a good deal by staying in the moment, but if you start to fatigue from that, you can make yourself visualize climaxing again. That'll generally get you rock-hard in a snap.

If you're going REALLY long, sometimes the only way to do this (unless you're going to gradually condition yourself to go for longer and longer) is with a little blue pill - I have friends who've taken these to go for 4 or 5 hours straight.

Chase

african boyo's picture

articles about sex


Hi chase this was a great article

This website is the best when it comes to pick up,relationships and human psychology. However the one weakness of this website and the internet in general is that there is a lack of practical articles about how to be an exceptional lover. Most articles on the internet focus on mentality and the importance of stamina but there is minimal information on actual technique. I humbly ask that you and your team release more articles on this because i believe alot of men and women who would benefit from this.

Chase Amante's picture

Re: articles about sex

Author

Boyo-

Duly noted. I have a few articles in the queue on sex as-is... we probably should be getting more up on sex than what's up now. There are a few gaping holes I can think of off the top of my head (foreplay, squirting, BDSM, STDs, dirty talk in bed, role-playing, etc.) that could use article treatment.

Chase

Michal's picture

I must confirm that 5 step


I must confirm that 5 step mind process in Rush of PE section. When I was trying to minimize my masturbation, I usually had to do it at one point because I was really horny. And all I could think of was basically "inpregnate her", "put baby in her" or even things like "she is thirsty, she wants this" and I was just looking on a picture of some girl smiling. I was done in a minute and the process in my head was the same.

Then I slowly started to examine this more, focusing on the girl more as you mentioned that "being present" kind of thinking. Because I found it as a big problem so I started to focusing on letting go as late as possible. Problem I am fighting right now is when she moans and I can feel she is enjoying it and wants more... it turns me on more and I sometimes can not control it and my "inpregnate her" thought gets in the way and I have to pause. And I am not really sure how to fight this. Maybe I just need more "training" because I remember now that I sometimes started to focus on something like "prepare for more pleasure in a minute" and maybe it sets the future time in my mind and I get lost there.

Things I do, it is usually focusing on the rythm and breating actually. Maybe it works for me, because I am still bad at it and my sense for rythm (as in dance too) is really bad so my coscious mind has to focus more on that. And when we have great sex with my girl, I usually think about it whole as climb on the wall, I just want to reach the top before I allow myself relaxing.

And other times I am so horny that I can't really contain myself, but the girl undersntads, which is great. :-)

Thanks for the article though, I did not find myself being able to relate this much to anything here since summer.

Oh btw. I am not sure now what pace I should follow. I understand that every girl likes it differently, but I usually go animal and thrust fast if I see she is horny. And I take it slower when she needs to be turned on more first. I am not really sure if it is what I should do because sometimes it works and sometimes the end result is not great, it is somewhat good, but not great.

Michal

Chase Amante's picture

Moaning

Author

Michal-

Yes, moaning's a tough trigger to get around, especially when you can tell she's close to climax. Putting yourself into the future and saying something mentally to her like, "I know what YOU'RE about to feel!" is the only thing I've found effective at combatting this as well, although it brings you out of the moment and can kill some of the passion / ferocity of the sex. The only surefire way around it without having that happen I find is just being well-sexed, so that she can moan all she wants and you're still just mildly amused and fully in control.

When I was still learning rhythm, focusing on that kept me distracted enough for girls to cum, yes. I didn't start to have my problems with cumming too quickly until after rhythm went automatic for me, and it freed my mind up to think about other things (like, ejaculation). At least for me, that was when I really had to batten down the hatches and take control of my thought process during sex.

On pace, either can be good, though usually furious and passionate is better for getting her to climax (so long as you aren't wearing yourself out, that is... a tired man makes no women cum). If you're not sure at ALL what pace to go at, try a little tantric sex, which is basically 9 shallow thrusts and 1 deep thrust, then 8 shallow thrusts and 2 deep thrusts, and so on and so forth, until you get down to 1 shallow thrust and 9 deep thrusts. Personally, I find by the time I make it down to that number, most girls are ready for you to tear into them as animalisticly as possible at that point.

Chase

Spacey's picture

Re:Wes


Wes,
I had a struggle with porn addiction for a long time. It didn't really hit me until I recently saw the movie, "Don Jon." I had become very desensitized to real women (which is why I'm glad I found this website) and knew my body/mind was not performing correctly. So I set out to fix this.

There's a couple of websites I looked into as well: yourbrainonporn.com and nofapchallenge.com. There's alot of good information on why porn and jacking off are not good for your body as well as your brain/neurological functioning. Reading all of that was enough for me to swear off both.

I'm about a month into no porn/masturbation and it's easily one of the best decisions I've ever made. For one, I have alot more energy and vigor. I'm also more confident/socially aware. Although, the first couple of times I've been with a girl since then I couldn't get it up, probably because my body was getting used to no cyber/self stimulation. That all changed last weekend when I bedded an old friend in town for a football game. She probably never thought of me before as a sexual person, but that all changed drastically.

It has worked so far for me, maybe you should give it a try at least.

Royce's picture

Age


Hey Chase, I'm in high school and I have no problem cold approaching women out of school(mall, stores, etc..) but the women are usually around 18-22 which is a couple of years older than I am. I have a pretty solid build and voice as well as facial hair and women always think I'm just around their age so when I do hit it off with one, I can usually keep it going. So my question is, should I just say I'm around their age and just go all the way with them ot tell them the truth which I have tried and it resulted in them either becoming friends or not talking at all. Btw, I do also talk to many girls in high school. And if you need an article for high school, I'd be glad to share some experience I've acquired through high school.
Thanks,
Royce

I asked this on another article so I only need answer to one, thanks.

Chase Johnston's picture

Hooking up with a friend


Chase, your advise has lead me to a better understanding of women and a lot of my former mistakes, and after scanning several of your articles I feel like I'm ready to practice the techniques I've read about on this site. But everything I've read from you that applies to a beginner such as myself seems to be geared towards meeting new women, coming off as the most incredible person they've ever met. My question is how do I build a sexy, mysterious vibe with a girl I'm familiar with? We don't regularly hang out but we see each other at school everyday. I feel like I already know anything I might learn from a good deep dive, or being a good conversationalist. I know once I get her into bed I can blow her mind, but as a beginner is there anything I can do to improve my chances leading up to that point?

Chase Amante's picture

Re: Hooking up with a friend

Author

Chase-

Feels weird addressing someone with the same name as me. Well, I guess it is becoming more common these days...!

If you've known her for a while, the problem you're dealing with is basically fighting precedent. She has a set image of you in her head, and you occupy a specific place in her life if she's familiar with you and has known you for a while. That's somewhat problematic, for a variety of reasons.

I'd recommend reading this for context:

... and these for some possible escape paths:

If you absolutely CAN'T get into a faster-moving mode with her, if you really dig her, there's still a chance you can use date compression to land her as a girlfriend if she's open to dating you "officially" and considering you as a boyfriend candidate - see these articles:

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Niceness


Two part comment

I know you can be nice to a girl without flirting, but can you be flirting without being nice?

And the second part is when you talked about knowing what you want and going after it (in a previous post) that it was incredibly attractive to women. But how would you get her to see that? How would you demonstrate that?

Thank you!

Chase Amante's picture

Niceness and Direction

Author

Anon-

Somewhat depends on how you're defining "nice"... you can "tease" girls brutally, in a definitely not nice way, that still raises sexual attraction and tension by the bucketload, though when you do it in a combative (as opposed to a cooperative) way, you put yourself on a very delicate line: there is some EXPLOSIVE potential for wild sex there, but you're a lot more likely to end up sending her into auto-rejection instead. It's very polarizing.

On being decisive / knowing what you want and chasing it down, it bleeds out through your words and actions. If you know what you want, you're going to command her much more firmly and assuredly; you're going to move faster and escalate with her far more rapidly; and when you encounter tests and objections, you'll handle them with ease and adroitness, because they're merely something to be leapt over in pursuit of your goal rather than something to stand around dumbfounded and stare at, like what most guys do with them.

Men who don't know what they want are much slower, less sure of themselves, less aggressive, and more willing to let the women they meet call the shots and control the frame. Men who know what they want have no time for these things, and take charge and lead women instead.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Chase How long on average is


Chase

How long on average is a good time to go for so that the girl has a great time and considers you a great lover? 10 minutes? Half an hour? 1Hr!?

Is it always possible to make a girl come?

How much emphasis should be placed on foreplay and going down on her?

Much talking during sex?

Ty

Chase Amante's picture

Sex Questions

Author

Ty-

In answer to your questions:

  1. As long as it takes to give her a great experience. This can be 5 minutes if she's thoroughly aroused beforehand and you make her cum hard again and again 5 minutes in; or it might be an hour of experiential sex with an orgasm at the end or not. Alternately, you can have 5 minute sex that's terrible, and hour-long sex that's boring and forgettable, too. Time has little to do with it; the experience is everything

  2. Not always, especially if she's very inexperienced. See here: "3 Steps to Help Her to Orgasm from Sex"

  3. If you're not that skilled with penetrative sex, a lot; if you are very skilled with penetrative sex, and can make her orgasm this way, then as little or as much as you care for

  4. As much or as little as you like. Try mixing it up for different experiences. If you want to get the best miles out of it though, use it just as she seems to be peaking at any given moment, and watch her ascend to the next level of pleasure as you dirty talk her

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Two more things


Chase,

Those are all good techniques you've mentioned there, especially number five. To these five I'd add two more:

1. Breathe deeply and smoothly. When guys finish too quickly they're often breathing really quickly/shallowly (pay attention next time and you'll probably find this is true). Breathing deeply relaxes your body, slows everything down, and can also help to take your mind off of finishing and help you live in the moment.

2. This is perhaps related to #5 and a no-brainer, but when you're in the bedroom just have fun and don't worry about it. She's lucky to be seduced by a sexy man, and if she's still wanting more you can always finish her off with one of your other "tools".

Jonas's picture

Hello, Chase. I have a theory


Hello, Chase.

I have a theory and just wondered - on my way to school I started to meet a girl that friendzoned me. Her reason was "I see you as a friend but I like you". Now... I think she senses something is different with me and seems curious. So I did not really answer anything directly she asked, I wanted to keep my "new me" hiden but I guess it is not invisible to her. Is it possible for me to build enough intrugue that she becomes attracted? That I could start flirting more and then at some point make a move?

We were having class together, talking a lot, but yea, as friends, sometimes I teased her but it was occasionally. After the semester I wrote her "my honest opinion about her" as a goodbye becasue I thought we will never see each other again. Now, after a year, I am meeting her every Wednesday on my way to campus.

I dont hope, I take it as a lost case, but I just wonder. I understand people can change, feelings might change. I changed fashion and got a little more muscle, am calmer and slower and focus on nonverbal communication with her now. I used to focus on conversation a year ago and was clumsy.

If so, should my move be more direct because in my "honest opinion" I basically confessed how great she is personality-wise and physically, fashion, kinda everything ?:-/ So.. set some chase frames, then sexual frames and use what Alek was talking about in his sex talk as how it is unfair how women cant go and just have sex with anybody? This is what I have in plan, I am not really sure about that but my attitude is to find out! :-) For acquiring more data for my learning!

Jonas

Chase Amante's picture

Friend Zone

Author

Jonas-

Typically, you want to shy away from telling girls you like them, especially in non-sexual contexts. It's very different from what the kinds of men they fantasize about and lust over (edgy, Byronic, devil may care men) do.

That said, it's not impossible to climb out of the friend zone, but it's a lot harder work than what you'd have cut out for you with an equally attractive girl who's only just meeting you but you do things correctly with and don't have that negative / platonic precedent set with.

I'd recommend this one for context:

... and these for some ideas about what you might be able to do:

Chase

K..'s picture

Woman's orgasm


Hi there,

I have something to say to the question about getting a woman orgasm faster. I can only talk about my own experience, not sure how it is for women in general. Now, I was practically unable to orgasm in penetration until I reached my 30's. Then I learned it, very suddenly, and now I cum EVERY time. Very easily. And not only that: I cum multiple times. As many as 28 have been counted in a row, and I also can reach orgasms that last for several minutes. Just imagine the change... Imagine my bliss! :D

For me, thinking about orgasm was not the answer. If cumming is difficult for you, you might get obsessed with it and somehow so nervous that you cannot reach it even if you otherwise might. On the other hand, not thinking about it at all didn't seem to work either. The key for me was something rather physical. Whenever I masturbate (and I have always been able to climax this way), I keep my muscles very tense towards the end and this seems to help. Somehow the tension "makes" the orgasm. However, when in bed with a man, I realised that there is another way. First, you tense yourself long enough to get the feeling, but then, when you're close enough to the climax, you suddenly release all the tension. It has to be very sudden. You relax all your muscles, like you were passing out or something, and then the orgasm just happens.

If your woman doesn't seem to reach orgasm, tell her to try this one. Of course it requires a few things. Firstly, she needs to know how to use these muscles (but no need to be very specific there, just tense and then relax all muscles in your body and you probably get there). It helps a LOT if she masturbates, so always encourage your woman to touch herself! Secondly, to be able to give her this suggestion, you of course have to be able to talk about these rather intimate things with her. I hope you can. It's a huge help for you both!

Well, there WAS another thing, too, that helped me to get there. I met a new lover who is a sex god. :) No, not really. He just has this wonderful technique of orgasm control, based on some tantric methods I think. He can last as long as he EVER wants to. One hour, two hours, three hours. I'm not kidding. During this, he can reach several "orgasms" which he seems to feel very intensely but without ejaculation. I'm telling you guys, you would like to be this man. :D He makes me climax, he makes me scream, but that's just the goddamn beginning. Then he just continues his nearly violent thrusting, my orgasm goes on and on, and I just scream and scream and try to get away because it's too much but he keeps me in place and keeps going. Talk about being dominated.

Let us all learn more about these things. Sex is one of the best things in the world, isn't it? :) And sorry about my English. It's surprisingly difficult to talk about these things in a language that's not your mother tongue.

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