15 Lessons from 10 Years of Getting Girls
Chase and I were talking the other day, and both of us realized that while I've been posting on this website all year.. we never actually did an introduction into who *I* am.
So, pleasure to meet you - I'm Ricardus. I've been in the seduction community for 10 years, since 2002. Like Chase, I arrived at a lot of the core fundamentals of what makes attraction work the way it works, and seduction work the way it works, simply by doing so many approaches and meeting so many different kinds of women and putting myself into so many different situations - everything from high end social circle game in nightclubs to direct-approach street game by day - that eventually I more or less HAD to figure things out... you see enough patterns again and again, and you start realizing what those patterns are, and how to use them.
When Chase asked me if I'd like to start writing for Girls Chase, I wasn't sure how people would react - while we've had a lot of the same experiences and we've arrived at a lot of the same conclusions, my writing style's different from his, and I know he's already got a lot of very loyal followers on here. But, I said, you know what, let's give it a shot, and hopefully I can contribute something worthwhile to the site.
Anyway, I know there's been some controversy on here lately, but I really am focused on bringing you only stuff that I've tested out myself EXTENSIVELY and have personally seen work - and work well - and that I've given to students and mentees and had them execute too. That's a commitment I've long made to myself and everyone I talk about this to or instruct in anyway, and it's a commitment I share very deeply with Chase.
So, while I know my tone's different from his, I do want to help guys out on this website every bit as much as he does, and I think (I hope) I have a lot to offer.
This post's about 15 of the lessons I've learned in 10 years of getting girls. They've been game changers for me - and I hope you find them useful.
15 Lessons About Getting Girls
#1: The Right SelectionAt marketing seminars, a common question is this: If you had a hotdog stand, and you could ask a genie in a bottle for any one thing to make it a huge success – what would you ask for?
People often say… the best recipe, the best location, the best marketing… but it’s none of that stuff. The answer is: a hungry crowd. You want to sell to people who want your product. There’s even a marketing book called: “desperate buyers only”.
And the equivalent in pickup is the kind of girl who is looking for the same outcome as you are. If you are looking to hook up with a lot of girls, the equivalent of “desperate buyers only” is “liberal girls only”… if you’re looking for a wife, it may well be the opposite.
Screen for the quality that matches your goals early. You can hook up with lots of conservative girls, but the last minute resistance will give you a headache… and you can make a relationship with a party girl work, but you’re in for a roller coaster ride.
#2: Sexual Communication on the Opener
Not going sexual on a direct opener in day game causes the girl to be confused about what you want from her… are you looking for a hookup or for something more serious? Clarify that subtly early on by the way you communicate.
Think about it. If you go up to a girl with a direct opener, but without being sexual in either your verbal or nonverbal communication, she may think that you’re so smitten that you want her to be your girlfriend.
This confusion is what leads girls to give you resistance before they sleep with you the first time… because as long as she’s not sure that you’re not looking for a “good girl”, she has to act that part… just in case!
#3: The Eternal Dichotomy
Chase showed me a quote he found from some random young dater in the 1920s, when modern dating and relationships were first emerging, something he dug up in the process of writing the relationship book he's working on. I don't remember it exactly, but it went something like this: "She's just a girl to play with, not one to take home and stay with."
Men have eternally possessed this dichotomy, of wanting to sleep with an easy girl, and marry a virgin.
Yet, women have always possessed a version of this dichotomy too; except for them, the case is that every woman really has both of these personalities - the good girl and the easy girl - inside of her.
She can be the easy girl. Or she can be the virgin.
Communicate to women early on that you understand this and that you don’t have any hang-ups about it, and she won’t have to be afraid to show her wild side (that *every* woman has anyway) – around YOU.
#4: Be Busy!Instead of asking girls out on a date, tell them something along the lines of: “You know, I’d really love to catch up with you again, go have a hot chocolate or whatever… but I’m just *so busy* these days.”
(I like to invite girls for a hot chocolate by the way – no girl, in my experience, is capable of resisting this.)
Once she's heard this, she’s now working for your time and attention. She’s going to think to herself: “Damn, I was hoping he'd ask me out, then I could play hard to get.”
Well, you know how it goes, honey... you can’t play hard to get… because we can’t make the time to chase ya.
It’s also attractive and high value to have stuff going on in your life… if you’re free to meet her any day, any time, you must be either a millionaire or a total bum – but in either case, you’re not a challenge, and hence less attractive.
So be busy.
#5: Make Yourself ScarceTelling girls you will be leaving town soon, on the other hand, can either help you or backfire. I’ve had girls who wanted to meet up with me, but once they found that I’m about to leave town, they didn’t want to meet me anymore… they were looking for something serious *only* - it happens.
On the other hand, sometimes a girl doesn’t want to hook up with you, but once she finds out that it’s the last chance because you’re about to leave, she might change her mind.
It depends on a couple of factors such as her attraction for you, her frames about sex and relationships and even where she’s at in her monthly cycle… but it will often be hard to guess ahead of time. Just something to keep in mind.
#6: Spend Money on Her or Not?
This one comes down to personal choice. Up the odds, or take the edge off?
Chase and I've discussed this one. As he talks about in "Should You Pay for a Date?," it was his findings that success rates go up when you don't pay her share. However, as he also notes, it can sometimes be a little bumpy.
For me, similar to one of the commenters on that post who also had success with paying for women, the answer is yes… meet up with her to have some kind of drink, and just pick up the tab. Don’t take her out for a big night on the town, but paying a drink is a trivial expense and you should just do it.
I used to get girls to pay everything for me, and it is pretty easy to do with good game, but it’s also not the smoothest nor the most gentlemanly thing in the world, so I went back to picking up the tab.
Note: you're choosing either upped attraction and a bumpier ride (not paying), or unaffected attraction / possibly lowered attraction but a smoother ride (paying). After spending some time doing the former, I personally settled on the latter. This one's up to you to decide on for yourself though, and I suggest you test drive the three alternatives and see what suits you best (split the bill, you pay for both, she pays for both).
Another note: a lot of this can be tied to image. If you have an image as a financially well-off guy, it's very difficult to get out of paying without looking cheap. If you have an image as a world traveler, artistic type, or what not, it's very difficult to pay and not look like a pushover. So, image is key here too.
Here’s the thing: paying her a drink when she demands one, or even doing it to buy her attention, will tank her attraction… but taking care of people around you financially because you live in abundance and look out for her and take the lead – that makes paying the strong thing to do.
#7: Don’t Do Elaborate Outings
As you already know if you’ve been reading this site for any amount of time, you shouldn’t take a girl out for a traditional date like a dinner and a movie… but then a lot of guys want to do something exciting and fun with her instead, to "set themselves apart" from all the other guys.
They want to do things like taking her kart racing, or to a comedy show, or to a shooting range. And while that can work, and I have done it successfully in the past, it sets the wrong expectations – you’re investing a lot of time and effort (which is a subtle form of chasing her), and you’re also behaving like a boyfriend.
Meet her for a drink, then take her home. It’s as simple as that: meet her for a drink, then take her home. (Unless you want to be her boyfriend, of course… but in that case, I’d recommend you first read the article on how to get a girlfriend).
#8: Think Logistics... Not Tactics
The end is important in all things.
With any goal you want to achieve in life, you should always start out with the end in mind. In the case of seduction, that means you and her in bed together… so, for immediately apparent reasons, seductions work best when you plan your dates in a way that you can and will end up in your home alone together.
I often plan this months before I even first meet a girl… as I’m choosing an apartment to rent, I will always go for one that is in a central location. It’s very innocuous to meet a girl downtown for a drink… but now you’re walking distance from your apartment!
If she says “I never said I’d come home with you” once you get to your place, remember that movie Days of Being Wild we reviewed in Epic Movie Seductions Part III- just say “You never said you wouldn’t” and walk inside.
What’s she going to do, except follow you? She won’t leave without at least saying goodbye, trust me.
#9: Getting Girls to Come Home with You
I used to have a pool table at my place… and I would bring that up during conversations with girls at some point. Then later in the date, I would simply suggest to go and play a game of pool – that way she doesn’t have to agree to come home with me explicitly.
See, it’s all about giving her “plausible deniability”… setting it up in a way where she can later say – hey, it just happened. She’s well aware that she’s going home with a guy… but if she can blame it on a game of pool, she doesn’t need to feel responsible.
I’ve even heard of guys inviting girls over for pool even though they didn’t have a pool table at their house… because by the time you’re alone at home with a girl together you can probably think of better things to do with her anyway ;)
I know Chase went through a phase where he'd invite girls to go to an after party... and then the two of them would arrive back at his apartment, just the two of them. He said he only a few times had a girl ask, "I thought there was a party?" to which he'd respond, "Yeah, some people are still at the club, and they might be coming here in a little bit, or they might go somewhere else. Want some water?" The rest of the time he and the girl would just get to it without the girl ever mentioning the after party she'd supposedly gone back to his place to attend.
#10: The Role of AlcoholThat’s also the role of alcohol in pickup – giving them a good excuse to blame the sex on. Like we talked about in "Sex and Alcohol," you don’t want to ever get girls drunk… just trust me on this one. It’s not ethical, and it’s also not helpful at all to have her throwing up or falling asleep.
But if she’s a bit tipsy, she can do what she really *wants* to do anyway, and then blame it on the alcohol later. It also helps girls to be more disinhibited… some girls would truly like to be a bit more of a wild girl, but they just can’t let go so easily.
Just like guys wish they were less inhibited when it comes to approaching women, girls often wish they were less inhibited when it comes to sleeping with guys. Some girls have actually hinted at that and asked me for a drink… Go figure.
#11: What Time To Meet Her
This one depends on what you're going for.
For me, to build a sexual mood more easily, I never meet girls during the day time… nighttime makes setting a sensual mood a lot more easily. Traditional lunch dates - where she's meeting you briefly before running back to work - are absolute death. Meet your dates at sundown at the earliest… later if it’s a driving city. In a subway city, you have to think of the last train at midnight.
If you live in a driving city, like Los Angeles or Dallas for example, you can meet the girls a bit later. Factor in 2-3 hours for the date and then however long you want to spend “intimately” with them… and also factor in their schedule as well.
If she has to get up at 5am, you might want to meet her a bit earlier – even in a driving city.
The alternative for daytime dates is weekends for working women or weekdays where she's got a large block of time if she's a college student or not working. These are Chase's preference, because he likes having a large enough block of time that the girl doesn't feel pressured to get somewhere or go home early or get ready for bed, whereas I prefer nighttime for the intrinsic sexual mood you're already starting off with. It's a trade off - do you want the time, or do you want the mood?
#12: Instant Lays Are EASIER Than Date Lays
It’s counter intuitive, but if she has time *today* when you pick her up, then it’s much easier to just keep hanging out with her until sex happens, than it is to get her number and schedule another meet up and get her to come out again… because you lose momentum.
By the time you call her again and ask her out on another date, she will already have forgotten how much fun she had with you in the moment, and other things will have come up in her life as well… other plans, friends, commitments… even other guys.
To get around this, sleep with her when you meet her whenever and wherever possible.
#13: The *True* Reason Why Same Day Lays Are More Rare
If this is true, then why are same day lays not happening more often than lays on dates? The answer is simple… it comes down to logistics again. Especially if you meet women during the day time, they usually don’t have time!
Think about it – she’s OBVIOUSLY busy… that’s WHY she’s out in the first place. In other words, it’s INHERENT to day time pick up that the girl is busy… the very reason why you met her is BECAUSE she’s busy and she had to leave the house to get something done.
The exception, of course, are beach pick ups… if a girl is just hanging out at the beach, she’s probably free for a while. But... and I’m just being straight up with you here... at the beach your physique is going to play a somewhat greater role than at, say, the mall (yes, that can be an advantage too!).
#14: Same-Day First Dates
Sometimes a girl is also busy NOW but she will be free later TONIGHT. That is the ideal scenario… because you don’t really want to spend too much time in the afternoon anyway. As I mentioned above, it doesn’t set quite the right mood…
But if she says she has to go and run some errands now, but that she’ll be free later – that’s excellent. Nail down a time and a place for you to meet her later that very same day. It’s going to be much easier than trying to meet her days later when a lot of momentum has been lost.
Simply tell her something like: “I’ll be busy too, I have to get some copies made and bring them to the post office… but I’ll be free around 6. Meet me at xyz bar at 6.30.” – and it’s on.
#15: Don’t Chase Her Through Her Calendar!
Also, make sure you’re never the first to throw out a suggestion for a time and date to meet up. If you make a suggestion for a specific time and she’s busy then… guess what, you’re already chasing.
A good wording is to ask her what her schedule looks like this week. Then choose a time when she’s free, rather than giving her all the choice (and hence all the power) in the situation.
Let’s say she mentions two times when she’s free this week; you can now tell her that you’re busy one of those times, but available the other… and it’s a date.
As you go through those 15 lessons I've put together from 10 years of getting girls, namely:
- Make the right selection
- Communicate sexually on the opener
- Show her you get the dichotomy
- Be busy
- Make yourself scarce
- Spend money on her (or not)
- Don't do elaborate outings
- Think logistics, not tactics
- Give girls plausible deniability
- A little alcohol is good, a lot of alcohol is not
- Pick the right time to meet her
- Sleep with her instantly whenever you can
- Same day lays are rare because girls are busy... not because they're hard
- Make your first date the same day wherever possible
- Don't chase her through her calendar
you'll probably find a lot that are familiar, a few that are novel, and hopefully some that strike a real chord and give you something you can start using right away.
The most important thing to using these well isn't necessarily to remember every single rule here and follow them all to the letter - rather, it's to get the main gist of the message: simpler and faster is best.
Simplify everything and speed it up and you're well on your way.
Onward and upward,
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