Relationships

In "The Purpose of Life from a Practical Point of View", Zac wanted to know why 'scare tactics' within relationships don't work:

“It will be cool to have an article on "Scare tactics", and why it doesn't work when there is no genuine honest and open communication.”

The question was posed in the context of styles of leadership and how to stop playing games in a relationship – which are actually two topics with a whole lot in common.

In this article, you're going to learn what a scare tactic is, why people use them, why they're ineffective in the long term and what techniques you can use to avoid them to have longer, more fruitful relationships, romantically and platonically.

First though, let's get an understanding of scare tactics.

In my article on sexual awakenings, Wallflower left a comment wanting to know how she could help a guy to drop his Madonna/whore complex:

“Just a question for the ladies ;) How would you get a guy to drop his M/W complex? Is it possible? What would be the strategy here?”

While I touched on the M/W complex briefly, I think the beliefs that frame the current Western feeling on sexual expression, particularly where women are involved, is something that is worth further examination.

To help rid yourself of your sexually limiting beliefs and any vestige of Madonna/Whore complex, a perusal of sexual lore through particular historical examples can be massively beneficial.

Learning about it will bolster your skills with women by helping you to set liberal sexual frames with genuine conviction and an understanding of why they work.

Additionally, gaining a more objective understanding of sexuality can also be of great benefit to any relationships you find yourself in, monogamous or polygamous.

And as stated in my previous article, a relaxed attitude to women's sexuality is something that is crucial to help any girl to a sexual awakening... so that the both of you can have mind-blowing sex.

Growing up, I had two uncles on my mother's side of the family, both of them married to my mother's sisters. These two uncles were on opposite sides of the spectrum when it came to how the family felt about them: one of them was beloved and could do no wrong, while the other was thought of as a rascal.

Never mind the fact that the beloved uncle spent more time playing video games and guitar than he did with his wife and kids, or that the rascal was the consummate family man. Even before these men married into the family, their impressions were set in stone.

What does it take to impress a girlfriend's family? It certainly isn't many of the things you'd think would be it.

It isn't your job - that can win you some points, but they're often grudging points.

It isn't how good your conversation is, either.

In fact, it's something very different from what a lot of men seem to think it is.

PeaceInHeart, a reader of GC, writes in with a question about a girl he is sleeping with who is fairly restricted in her sexual expression:

“I want to know is there any way to open up her nasty side or change her attitude?

How can I help her to open up?”

It's a pretty common problem to have when you start a sexual relationship with a girl; you're not sure how to push things in the direction of the sexual behaviours that you prefer.

Whether your preference is for missionary only, outdoor-sex or bondage, getting a girl on the same page as you sexually is something that many guys find confounding, yet mighty rewarding to pull off.

The benefits of a healthy sexual relationship can reach far further than sexual satisfaction itself. Being in a solid sexual relationship tends to permeate the whole relationship and tincture it with a positive and understanding energy.

It's not without it's downsides (depending on what you want) - a sexually awakened girl is also a sexually curious girl, and that can sometimes mean curious about things outside your relationship, too.

However, if you're doing things right, and your girl isn't a completely sex crazy maniac with a through-the-roof libido, a sexual awakening is very worth achieving, and a very good thing for both of you.

Assuming you're here because you want to learn how to kick off your girl's awakening, follow the tips in this article and you'll be on your way to one sexually fulfilling relationship.

Something that's been a hot topic on the discussion boards lately has been the subject of buyer's remorse and sex regret, and also more generally women just acting weird after sex happens fast.

As you push the boundaries of what you can achieve with women and seduction, you'll find your time-to-bed reduces rather dramatically, especially once you internalize the concepts of "move faster" and "always be moving forward." What happens as time-to-bed falls, however, is that women's perceptions of you change, and their response to sex with you changes, too.

Whereas had you previously only experienced sleeping with women you'd had prolonged courtships with, and had thus only been sleeping with the women who were most interested in you and with whom you'd already established a deep emotional bond, as you move faster and faster you'll sleep with more and more women who only had a passing interest in you, who didn't develop much of a bond with you, or who even might have slept with you on a whim, but regretted it later.

This introduces a whole lot of variability in the reactions, at least until you get certain things down.

In this article, I'm going to cover why you see everything from sex regret to vanishing women to women trying to regain their celibacy and, hence, sexual power with you after the fact, and how to deal with these various situations to make women feel better, happier, and more comfortable about having shared a wonderful night with you.

This is Part I of a 2-part series on dating younger women. In Part I, we'll be focused on social factors that have changed and why there's so much pushback against older men dating younger women in the West. Part II will be our "how-to" - that is, how to date younger women as an older (or younger) man.

There's something of a stigma in the West right now against older men and younger women (while younger men and older women is often considered right as rain - and maybe even ideal!)... younger woman / older man couplings, you'll frequently be told, are a Bad Thing.

But travel the rest of the world, and this stigma is largely nonexistent.

Throughout history, it's been common for older men to select younger women as their brides, across cultures, nearly universally.

It would appear we live in a strange and rather unusual period in history, where sexual norms have been turned upside down and positioned on their heads.

But look a little closer, and you'll see that even in the West - even in the United States, bastion of feminist sentiment right now - steer clear of unattractive women with bones to pick, and you'll quickly find that - at least among pretty younger women - this "stigma" against older men dating younger women is primarily the figment of a small group of the media's imagination.

Let's sweep aside the deliberate confusion of the rabble-rousers and have look at what actually goes on out there in the real world of older men and the younger women they date.

Something I've been asked from time to time on this site (most recently in a forum post by one of our members here) is why I don't date girls who club, party, drink, or have "girls' nights out".

The questions you most frequently get about this are:

• Doesn't every girl do these things?

• Who cares if she goes out and does a little drinking? I trust my girl to stay loyal.
  

• Aren't you a hypocrite if you do these things but expect her not to?

• Don't you trust your women to stay faithful to you? I thought you wrote in the article on how to prevent cheating that it was possible to be so great a partner than women wouldn't want to cheat?!

Most of these thoughts come from rather different places than where I come at relationships from, though. These thoughts revolve more around fear of loss, and/or a feeling of helplessness to control for or select against this behavior... neither of which I have.

This article will not be terribly helpful if you're still just starting out on your journey to get good with women, or are intermediate there, because you will not be able to follow it. Real screening is dependent on the ability to say "no," and until you reach the place where you truly have absolute abundance with women, there will always be women where your logic will say, "I'm not so sure about this one..," but your emotions will hit the override button and tell you, "Stop being silly - she's great."

So let's talk about why I recommend steering clear of these kinds of women if you want a stable, healthy relationship that is a boon to your existence, rather than the bane of it.