Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

The 4 Stages of Street Cold Approach


This is an article about the journey you will experience as you proceed from a man who never walks up to strange women to introduce himself and flirt, to a man who does so all the time, and reaps the rewards, both in terms of women and in terms of how he thinks about women.

If you have read my two previous articles on this website (here’s one and here’s two), you might have noticed that there is a word that I mention frequently (directly or indirectly): and the word is cold approach. In my case, the preference is for street cold approach, though cold approach of any kind is the key.

street cold approach

Cold approach is at the heart of my game; in fact, it is my entire game. When I say it is my “entire” game, I do not only refer to my outer game, but to my inner game as well.

The power of cold approach is so big that I cannot put limits on it. It contains a transformative power that has the ability to change your relationship with women in a dramatic way, on all levels. There is a lot of talking about “inner game”. Well, despite being the cause of your actions, your mindset will also follow the progress you make in cold approach.

Now, let’s make an important clarification: everything is mind and everything comes from the mind. As a consequence, outer game is really a reflection of your inner game. It all starts with a decision, and the decision will happen in your mind. You’ll decide that you are entitled to hot girls, so you’ll go out and talk to them, and then through consistent action you’ll start seeing evidence of your own belief.

Therefore, action is not the cause, the cause is your decision. Action simply follows your decision, and that’s why inner game always comes before outer game. And yet, action is the only way to play this game. Action is born from your inner game, and yet it is the only way to change, improve, sharpen, and expand your inner game. That’s the paradox.

Tactics Tuesdays: Attention Grabs (to Elicit Approach Invitations)


Here’s an oldie but a goodie from the bygone days of Fast Seduction: Jay’s (Formhandle’s) pre-approach invitation male approach invitation, which used the (rather exhausting) acronym ‘pAImAI’.

It’s a complicated-sounding name for a simple technique: behave in an attention-grabbing way that entices women to send you approach invitations.

pre-approach invitation male approach invitation

If you do nightlife often, you’ll likely have started doing this one on your own already.

If you don’t, and you want to make your opening easier, you’ll probably find it useful.

How to Get Started When You’re Socially Hopeless


When I decided to start gunning hard for significantly improved social skills in 2004, that was when I had to come to grips with how hopelessly miserable my current social skills were, and how hopelessly far behind I was socially compared to everybody else.

Some part of me enjoyed being the total outsider, because I enjoyed the independence of the man apart, the one cut off from society. I figured this would make my eventual triumph all the more poetic. It was only when I set about trying to bring that triumph about that I came to realize it would be even tougher than I’d estimated.

socially hopeless

What I quickly discovered was that even some of the most basic social rules were alien to me. What do people talk about? How do they join conversations and move between groups? How do they not trip over their own feet socially and look dumb and find themselves excluded?

I’d already developed a good wit and the ability to tell an entertaining story by that point, so I wasn’t flying completely blind. But general conversation – interacting with other human beings in a setting in which I was not the guy on stage, cracking jokes or spinning stories or showing off my musical talents, was unknown to me. And was most human interaction... I couldn’t lean on jokes or tales or busting out freestyles to help there.

So, this one goes out to the social newbs, starting off hopelessly behind everybody else, realizing the rest of mankind has a 10+ year head start on them in learning how to socialize.

Let me tell you what I did, and give you some suggestions about what you can do.

The Break-Up-Get-Back-Together Cycle


One of the cycles familiar to lots and lots of people is the break-up-get-back-together cycle.

If you’ve been dating before, odds are you’ve gone through this once or twice (or thrice, or more) yourself.

Here’s how it works: you and a girlfriend break up. Then after a while, you realize how perfect she’d been for you, and reach out to her to get back together. Or, you’re plugging along in your single life, when she reaches out to you and wants to see you again.

Then pretty soon, you’re back together. For a few days or a few weeks, it’s as great as ever!

break up get back together

Then things go back to the way they were before the first time you broke up. If you initiated the breakup before, you may start wishing you’d stayed broken up. If she’d initiated the breakup before, you may notice she’s become annoyed with those same things about you that precipitated the initial breakup in the first place.

So you break up again. A little time goes by, and maybe you get back together again. Then maybe you break up again later.

Here’s a question you may not have asked yourself, though: why do you do this? And why does she do it?

Obviously it’s kind of a silly nonsense dance, isn’t it?

Either stay together, or stay broken up, right?

Yet you aren’t doing that. But why?

The Divine Comedy: Can You See Past the Performance?


Leaning forward on the counter, I listen intently to a friend of mine in the midst of a party. Her name is Ashley. We’d fooled around a few times and would often talk about having sex, but she’d always play a bit too hard to get or I’d get bored and move on to other bitties. We also shared a seductive annoyance at each other’s cockiness and respective bitchiness.

divine-comedy

We discuss the recurring topic of our attraction for each other and the games we play to express it. I then joke about the absurdity of every social situation and how most people just act out the version of reality they tell themselves must be true (see, I talk to girls about more than just sex... sometimes).

She lightly teases me, “It always seems like you’re so calculating...”

“Is that right?”

“Yeah, I can see the gears turning in your head.”

“Am I that obvious?”

“Well no, but most people aren’t as perceptive as me.”

See? Cocky. She was also very direct, either blatantly spilling her mind or feeding you lies draped in sardonicism. So, I definitely crushed on her. I mean, we had so much in common.

We continue sharing ideas about all the charades people put on in social situations. As we talk, a girl passes by us to get some beer from the fridge. Ashley scans the girl up and down, then looks at me, pointing to the girl, squints, then mouths to me, “Who is that?”

I shake my head and shrug. Seeing that I don’t know, she looks back at the girl. Then she plops down from her perch on the counter and pours herself a drink near the fridge. The girl’s eyes and body are turned from my friend, so Ashley takes the opportunity to scan the girl closely. Though she stares harder than your average creep at a club, there’s a calmness and curiosity to it that makes it natural.

Then, as the girl turns towards her, Ashley widens her eyes and subdues her body language by shrinking her shoulders and nodding down slightly so that she has to look up to make eye contact. An instant transition from “shameless staring” to “politely submissive”.

“Hey, I’ve never seen you before. I’m Ashley,” she says to the girl, extending her hand.

The girl turns towards my friend and they shake hands. A few brief exchanges later and Ashley comes back.

I chide her, “I saw the gears turning in your eyes, too. Everything about that was so... mechanical.”

She laughs and gives an impish smile of guilt.

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Pick Up Girls at the Airport


pick up a girl in the airportA month or so back, below my article “Tactics Tuesdays: Hugs, Handclasps, and Arm-on-Shoulders”, a commenter named Magenta asked about how to pick up girls at the airport:

Hi Chase,

Can you do an article on Aiport game? Such as how do I approach/connect with women who are traveling to/from, waiting at the airport lounge, waiting in line for security checks, etc....type of conversation to have and figuring out logistics of what is possible/not possible.

Thanks!!

I’m a pretty big fan of any kind of transit game, as I’ve talked about before in “Meeting Women on Buses, Trains, and Airplanes.” Transit has a lot of nice things going for it, including:

  • She’s usually going to be by herself
  • She’s in an ‘active’ or ‘alert’ mood because she’s waiting for her conveyance
  • However, she’s also sitting there with nothing to do while she waits
  • And, you have an instant social context, so speaking is low pressure

Airports offer the further plusses that she’s on a big adventure, so likely to feel excited and perked up (unless this is yet another business trip she’s made 1,000 times), and grant you an instant value boost – if you’re traveling, whether for work or pleasure, she assumes you have money and are likely somewhat ‘important’. You’re also more likely to lead an interesting life. And, you get an instant commonality – you’re both travelers, something that immediately separates you both from ‘regular people’ (you and her, against the world).

In this article, I’ll talk about my approach to picking up girls in airports: preparation, execution, logistics, and whether to grab numbers or try for something then and there.

Picking Up Girls in Nightclubs: Is It Worth Your Time?


The loud, pulsing base. Darkness. Strobe lights.

Girls out in packs, dressed up in skimpy, sequined outfits gyrating their hips on the dance floor or hovering about the bar, expressions of bored aloofness plastered across their faces.

picking up girls in nightclubs

Men wafting about in button-down shirts, buying drinks for themselves and their buddies, offering drinks to girls, slurring out lame, corny pickup lines and aggressive-but-clumsy attempts to feel her up later on in the night.

Tall, muscle-bound doormen looming over everything, the imminent threat of violent removal if you step out of line.

Silver-tongued bartenders serving infinite streams of patrons while stripping women away from their boyfriends or the men trying to pick them up with the ease of the years of day-in, day-out training in the nightlife environment.

The VIP section, empty sometimes, other times crowded with men and women sometimes laughing and drinking, but more often looking out over the rest of the nightclub and wondering how to get that fun to come to them.

For several decades the nightclub’s towered as Western society’s ultimate proving ground for the man on prowl: if he can pick up women here – here, where they look their best; where other men gather in droves to take their chances with them; where their walls are up higher than anywhere else... surely, this man is a true ladies man.

Yet how much of that is reality, and how much simply commercial fantasy?

Are nightclubs simply used as a convenient proxy by the media for “mate value”?

And, should you spend your time in them... or are they a waste of time?

Girls Chase Podcast Interviews Ep. 8: Nick Glover


Nick Glover (who posts as PrettyDecent on our forums) talks to host Varoon Raja about his journey from sexual inexperience to consistently good with girls. Along the way, he takes time to discuss sexual tension, including how to use it right and what

How to Hook Up When You Have No Logistics


Hi everyone. Last time I made an introductory post about logistics. If you are new to the field of seduction, then that post is a must read. However, everyone should read it – a good recap of fundamentals is once in a while necessary.

This week’s post will be more suitable for advanced players – but I think it can still be a useful read to any aspiring seducers out there because we will discuss in this post tricky logistical situations that you need to be able to handle. This post might in this case be of help and increase your chances of getting laid.

logistics

The topic of today will be those situations where you have nowhere to pull her and you have no others choices than being creative when it comes to logistics – public sex, for example. But before we get to that, let me do a little recap of an old post.

A few weeks ago I made a post about the 5 factors of successfully picking up girls, where I covered 5 factors that I believe are key to success with seduction. Those factors were:

I explained in depth how each of these factors would affect your seduction and your chances of getting laid. I also mentioned how one could effect – or “work” – each factor in order to identify and calibrate them for your benefit.

At the end of that post, I also mentioned that if you lack a particular factor, you could compensate with focusing more on another factor. One example I made was about logistics – i.e., not having any seduction location to pull to (you don’t have your own place and she doesn’t have her own place either) could be compensated with good game: make her so horny that logistics don’t matter anymore.

A commenter SGent asked the following question:

So let us say that both your and her logistics suck, then if you manage to get her so horny – to the point of no return – logistics will not matter anymore

Please give more details on this statement.

Yes, he referred to a statement I made in that post that was unclear to him. I will respond to his question here. This is actually a topic I am really excited about. It has really caught my attention lately (which is also why I am writing this post).

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Isolate a Girl Away from Her Friends


If you read the articles on here (and especially if you read Alek’s articles – he discusses this one regularly), you’ve no doubt come across the tactic of isolation.

The word isolation describes the act or state of being cut off or removed from others. That might sound like something nefarious, but its use here is far more practical:

Isolation is the art of getting a girl away from her friends, from people who know her, or from people in general, so that you and her can get to know one another more privately and ramp up the connection between you.

how to isolate a girl

This is obviously most applicable in social venues (bars and nightclubs, parties, barbecues, girls you meet on vacation, etc.), however you’ll sometimes find yourself needing to isolate in traditionally non-social places (for instance, say you meet a girl in a crowded airport terminal, or in a busy café).

Assuming you are isolating women who find you attractive (and you will have an outlandishly hard time isolating women who do not), they want this too, enjoy this, and before you do it often will be hoping that, somehow, they end up somewhere one-on-one with you without their friends, much as they adore them, sticking their noses in or craning their necks around to hear what you are saying better.

Today’s article is all about isolation: how to isolate a girl, different ways you can generate isolation scenarios, and what you can do in the case where for whatever reason you can’t pull her off somewhere more private just yet, but you’re nonetheless at the deadline to create some one-on-one time with her.

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