Insights from the Mind of a Seducer | Girls Chase

Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

If You Don't Want to Date Her, Does It Mean You're Insecure?

don't want to date her
If you’re not willing to date certain girls, does that mean you’re insecure? Well, perhaps… But only if “insecure” doesn’t mean what your accuser means it means.

There’s a common refrain you’ll hear from women. Not just women, but men sometimes too. The refrain goes like this:

You don’t want to date her because you’re insecure.

There are some women this is obviously pure self-serving commentary from. Morbidly obese women, for instance. If a morbidly obese woman tells you you’re insecure if you don’t want to date her, well, you know that’s a tub of baloney (and maybe a tub of lard, too).

This article isn’t about those women. Not the obviously undesirable girls who’d claim your rejection of them stems from insecurity.

Instead, this article is about the fuzzy cases: girls with high notch counts, girls who’ve dated far wealthier or handsomer men than you, girls who’ve dated criminals. Heck, girls who’ve dated men of ‘badder’ races than you are (a white guy if you’re Asian, or a black guy if you’re white, for instance), or girls who used to be guys (transsexuals), or girls who tell you they’ve been rape victims or abuse victims.

Are you, in fact, insecure if you don’t want to date one of these people?

Meet More Girls: 5 Keys to a Great First Approach

meet more girls
There’s a lot to remember about meeting new girls. So what are the most important parts? Remember these 5 keys and you’re off to the races.

I hear it from so many different directions, so much advice littering the internet from the great to the terrible. I myself struggled for years with a plethora of different advice, good and bad, going day after day with seemingly no progress in the way I was approaching girls.

I felt like I was going through a haze. I struggled to see my mistakes and understand my wrongs. Women seemingly ran from me every chance they got, especially when it came down to the simple task of approaching a girl successfully.

Then, as time went on, I got better. I started seeing certain things work and others fall flat. Girls started chasing me off the open, giggling and blushing even.

In this article, I want to clear up the one topic everyone is constantly asking about. How do I approach a girl, get her attention, and get her liking me off the bat?

I have personally approached tens of thousands of women over the years, and I hope to clear up this topic for everyone once and for all. I will start with three common misconceptions. Then we are going to cover the five most important elements to a great first approach.

Tactics Tuesdays: "What's the Matter, You Chicken?"

are you chicken
If she’s on the fence about complying with you, there’s an easy way to get her off that fence: ask her if she’s chicken.

Quick fun post on how to get girls to do stuff they resist doing.

You can read more on how to get girls to say yes (or what to do if they say no) in my compliance series:

  1. How to Get Her to Say “Yes”
  2. What If She Says No?
  3. How to Say No to Others

Today though I just want to talk about one specific little technique. This is the technique of playfully accusing girls of being scared to do whatever it is you want them to do.

This is very simple to do. It’s lots of fun. And it’s wildly effective at turning non-compliant girls into compliant ones. Works on a whole huge spectrum of types of compliance she can resist you on, too.

How Slutty is She? 7 Ways to Gauge Her Sluttiness

how slutty is she
Girls won’t just out and tell you when they’re sluts. You need to do some digging. Yet different kinds of sluttiness shows up in different ways...

“I’m curious, how many guys have you slept with?”

“Well, when I went on vacation to Central America, I had a bit of fun.”

That explains why she’s on a date with me. She likes Latinos.

“What’s the number, then?” I look at her carefully but without looking overly interrogative.

“Umm, I’d say like 8? Maybe a few more.”

Maybe a few more.

A few minutes later, I tell her to come over to my house. She asks what we’re going to do.

“To watch a movie.”

My shit-eating grin gave me away.

“Ohhhh, nonono. A movie? Yeah, right.”

I laugh.

“It’s fine. If you don’t want to fuck, we don’t have to.” I respond calmly.

“Okay, I’ll come over, but we’re not fucking.”

When Your Relationship is Comfy but You Still aren't Happy

comfy relationship unhappy
You have a girlfriend, and she’s great. But she still is not enough. What do you when the relationship is comfortable but unsatisfactory?

Over the years, I’ve discussed with you the danger of ‘falling into relationships’. That is, you’re not ready for a relationship, you don’t want a relationship... yet you settle into one with her anyway.

It could be this girl you date is less than your ideal. Or it might’ve been you weren’t ready for something settled with anyone yet. You needed to explore more; to get laid more, date more, and build up that inner book of mate comparisons people use before they decide to satisfice with a mate.

If your mate is not quality at all, the matter is straightforward: just break up with her. Go be single again. Get your freedom back. And next time, make a wiser choice.

But what do you do if your mate is okay, the relationship is comfortable, and you aren’t sure how able you’ll be to find replacement mates once single... or even whether you’ll be able to find anyone as good as your current gal is?

Then you, my friend, are in a pickle.

The Mirror

mirror sexuality
With the Mirror Gambit, you hold a mirror up to a woman’s sexual side... and suck her into her sexual self.

Previously, we discussed how pacing can help you crack her shield and build rapport and connection while positioning yourself as an authority figure in her reality – a guy who truly understands what it’s like to be her. The idea with pacing a girl’s reality is that it becomes much easier to lead her in the direction you desire – to bed.

This is what one refers to as pacing and leading. We covered pacing in the previous post, so now you guys may be asking: how about leading? What does “leading” really mean in this context? Leading is basically anything that can lead her from point A (where she is currently) to Z (where you want her), physically or emotionally. In other words, leading can involve isolation, extraction, verbal escalation (sex talk), non-verbal escalation (eye contact, touching), etc.

Basically, once you have paced her, she will be softened up and open for you to take the lead – which is the second step.

Today I want to show you a way to use pacing and leading – with the most focus on pacing, because I find that to be the most interesting aspect here (there are many existing posts on “leading” material, and at the end of the day, physical escalation remains one of the most powerful “leading” tools in seduction).

So, like my previous posts, I will here share a gambit you can use in your seductions or as inspiration to create something of your own. It can, like always, help you see how you can construct some juicy material. As usual, this gambit will be filled with other goodies that will have an impact on the receiver – and of course we will break it all down.

This routine/gambit comes up in my Night Game podcast with Varoon Rajah when I share one of my adventures. So check that podcast out if you want to see this exact gambit being used (and how I followed up) and get some ideas of the context in which you can use it.

How Much Can You Change About Yourself?

how much can you change
Some parts of ourselves, both mental and physical, are immutable. Exactly how much of ourselves (and what parts) can we actually change?

I was recently asked a very interesting question regarding human behavior and “nature versus nurture.” I myself ponder issues like this quite often, as I'm sure many Girls Chase readers do.

How much of who I am today was determined at birth? To what extent did culture, locale, parenting, etc. influence who I turned out to be? What aspects of my current “self” are the result of free will? Can attempting to change certain things about myself put me at odds with my nature and actually be detrimental to my well-being?

These are interesting questions that I love to explore for both men and for women. Most notably, are we truly ourselves, and can we change ourselves?

The truth of this matter is a rather convoluted mix of YES and NO. We are simultaneously human beings with immense control over our destiny – but also little to no control over our destiny.

Let’s explore!

21 Signs She's a Psycho You Should Ghost on at the Bar

signs she's psycho
How do you know a girl is crazy, and best avoided when you meet her at the bar? Look for these 21 signs... and keep your distance!

Talking about my article “8 Red Flags She’s a Crazy Girl You Should Stay Away From”, reader SZ comments:

I read the how to tell if a chicks crazy article, but it looks like if you kind of know her already, so if it’s a same night lay or a fast lay, no way to tell.

How can you tell a chick will be a problem from the first interaction, so you know she’s crazy right off the bat? How do you tell upfront ?

Good question. How do you know right away... when you meet her on the street, in a party, or at a bar? How do you know if she’s a potential danger to you? How can you identify the psychos – so you can weed them out?

As fun and liberating as hookup culture may be, there are plenty of folks who are off their rockers – and if you go out enough, you will meet them. Psycho men you need to avoid to stay out of fights. Psycho women you need to avoid for that reason... and for many more reasons. Psycho women may:

  • Manipulate you into fighting another man – psycho chicks often like to see men battle each other for their hands

  • Stalk you and harass you after sex – if you’ve never had a female stalker, you might think, “Eh, how bad can that be?” If you have had a female stalker though, you know it’s both kinda scary (you don’t have to be a big, burly man to sneak up on someone and plunge a knife in their throat; petite women can do this too), and it cramps your style in a major way (try keeping a high quality girlfriend while some psycho chick hounds you everywhere and contacts any woman she sees interacting with you to tell her made-up things to try and scare her off)

  • Slap you with a false rape accusationbetween 45% and 55% of men accused of rape are falsely accused by women; it’s an enormous problem in the West, and nobody talks about it (or is allowed to). While the odds are good her story will fall apart under police interrogation, and you will win the case, that won’t stop you from losing $10,000 to $100,000 on attorney and court fees, getting suspended or expelled from school, getting suspended or fired from work, and losing some or most of your friends. You don’t even need to have penetrative sex to get hit with an FRA; men who’ve no more than fingered a girl get hit with these, and sometimes a guy who’s never even touched a girl will get FRA’d

  • Just generally be an un-fun time – even if she’s not psycho enough to sick some meathead on you, follow you around and scare off other girls you date, or file a false police report claiming you raped her, psycho chicks are a lot of drama and can lead to some really draining nights out. Random crying fits, accusations followed by apologies, jealousy plotlines where she makes out with other men in front of you then gets angry if you try to leave, pulling you along somewhere you don’t want to go and then ditching you when you get there... these are just a few of the things I’ve seen psycho women do in nightlife

Caveat for the people who take things completely literally at all times: I’m using the term ‘psycho’ here in the colloquial sense of the word. I’m not focused on the clinical definition of psychosis. Though you’ll encounter some of that among women who exhibit these signs too. Instead, we are talking about crazy, nutty, outré behavior from broken people.

There is no reason to tolerate psychotic behavior from a woman. Unless you’re wildly desperate. Then I guess you may not be able to help yourself. But I hope if you’re someone who’s read this site for a little while, you are not wildly desperate.

Otherwise, there are so many normal women out there, who are just as hot (usually hotter) than the psycho chicks, and will not ruin or seriously monkey up your life. You want to find these girls (the normal ones), and screen out the crazies.

To help you do so, I’ve prepared a list of 21 signs to keep your eyes peeled for when you hit the bar, the lounge, the nightclub, the party, or the street at night, to make sure you don’t end up with a girl who’ll sour you on dating.

Don't Let a "Successful Identity" Stand in Your Way with Women

big deal women
Are you such a success you now find yourself hesitant to approach? If you want to meet more women, you’ll have to shed that ‘Big Deal’ image.

Something happens to a lot of men once they reach a certain point with girls.

They realize they are, without question, pretty good.

When you hit this point, you look back and notice you’ve shagged a lot of girls. You’ve picked up girls in crazy situations and somehow pulled it off. You’ve had beautiful girlfriends who worshipped the earth you stood on. Maybe you cultivated a bit of notoriety on forums or just among your circle of friends as a guy skilled with babes.

And then you start to go out thinking you’re a big deal. “I’m a big deal,” you say. “Women are supposed to like me.”

You start to get self-conscious about approaching. You get a new flavor of approach anxiety. But it’s weird; it’s different from that earlier flavor. Whereas your old approach anxiety was a fear women might destroy your self-esteem by rejecting you, now it’s something else. Now you fear a woman may shatter your identity.

If you approach her, and she rejects you, can you really consider yourself Earth’s Biggest Ladies Man? Probably not, right?

So better not to approach.

In a way, this anxiety is worse than the earlier one. At least with the earlier one, you didn’t have much to lose. You sucked with girls, and you had to fix it, doggone it. With this new one though, you feel a need to preserve all those memories of success you have. This identity of being great. And when you don’t approach, you can just flood yourself with memories: “I’m not going to talk to that girl. It’s not worth the risk. Hey, remember that time I banged a girl who looked just like her? And how awesome that was? That was great...”

Plenty of guys get stuck here. Most never fully make it back.

Because once you’re a ‘Big Deal’ in your own head – a legend in your own mind – it gets harder and harder to do anything that might disabuse you of that notion.

Instantly Connect with Women You Meet via the Use of Pacing

connect with women
A true observation about a woman immediately makes her feel like you’re on her wavelength. Use these truisms to disarm and connect with her.

Hey guys, and welcome back. So after having written 3 very practical articles, sharing some more or less advanced techniques – the last post being particularly advanced – I decided to give you something that can benefit everyone, including fresher players.

That said, the technique I am about to share, although simpler, is still very powerful (things do not always have to be super hard and complex to work like a charm). I am sure many intermediate and advanced players will enjoy this post and benefit from it.

The topic of today is about pacing – pacing HER ongoing reality. Now, what does that mean? Pacing is all about displaying an understanding of how it feels to be in her shoes, in her world, in her body.

Allow me to demonstrate with an example (more examples to come).

Alek: You know… (pause) … there is… something I find extremely fascinating.

Her: And what is that?

Alek: What it must feel like to be out here, surrounded by weird, creepy men, almost to the point of losing all hope of finally finding someone (point to self) who can take you on that adventure that rocks your world.

Her: True.

Alek: And yet here you are, still hoping for that one chance in a million that you will finally get to experience those adventures you truly seek.

The previous example may be a bit advanced, I agree, but do not worry – here is a simpler example:

Alek: I do find it interesting how the mere fact that standing here with that goofy yet tasty cocktail in your hand must feel classy in a way, and that every sip of that cocktail reminds you of good times – of leisure and freedom.

Her: -What-ever-

Now, in that example, I did not assume too many things, but I used a lot truisms, such as her holding a drink, enjoying freedom and leisure (club bars are known to provide those experiences). How can she really disagree with me?

I will give you more examples in a bit, but let us break this down.