Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

When Does ‘No’ Actually Mean ‘No’?

no means no
When does no mean no? As the lines of consent increasingly blur, today’s men find themselves caught in a sexual Catch-22.


You’re somewhere private with a girl... kissing, caressing, running hands on one another’s bodies. And then you go to lift her shirt up.

“No,” she says.

It’s not a firm ‘no’. It’s more of an “I’m not quite ready” no. Or so you think.

But... Well, you might be wrong. You’re not quite sure.

You don’t want to be that guy who pushes her too far and makes her do something she doesn’t want to.

She isn’t a child, of course. She’s an adult like you. She has agency; her choices are hers.

Yet you want to be a force for good... not regret.

On top of this, you’re terrified of a girl crying rape... You realize 43,000 men have false allegations of rape made against them in the U.S. every year. Most of those cases get thrown out, but often only after tens of thousands in legal fees.

It’s the Salem witch-hunt of the 2010s. And you do not want to be the accused yelling “More weight.” You don’t want your life cindered for nothing.

Yet sex resistance is part and parcel to sex with American girls. If you have intercourse in America, you will encounter this. It is what girls from here do.

So what exactly should you do? And when does ‘no’ actually mean ‘no’?

Tactics Tuesdays: Screening Girls for Same Day Lays

This should be a fun one.

Slightly advanced. Not too advanced. This should be fine for intermediates on up.

So, this revolves around not boyfriend zoning yourself when screening girls for something quick.

screen same day lay

As you may know if you read this site regularly, it’s good and important to screen girls:

... and after you screen, it’s important to qualify:

Screening and qualifying is important for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is making sure you end up with girls you’ll be happy to be with.

Another reason it’s important though is for making a girl feel like there’s a reason you like her. If she feels like you are trying to sleep with her and she doesn’t understand why, you’re going to end up with attainability problems on your hands (because she’s going to follow Occam’s Razor and assume if you’re interested in her without communicating a good reason for being interested in her, it’s simply because she’s a random piece of ass).

So, you’ve got to screen.

Yet how you screen – particularly when you’re trying to put together something fast – is important.

How Much Should You Invest in Girls?

Over the years, I’ve urged you to do less for girls and not be so eager to please:

Some of the other writers on this site have urged you to do this as well:

invest in herYet, there is a flip side to this too; and that is that the man who is too stingy with his effort appears petty, tryhard, and socially stunted.

If you’re too much of a compliance miser, girls sense it’s because you fear being too nice. Which can send them into auto-rejection... when they realize you’re deliberately refusing to do for them out of a desire to hold onto power and control (as opposed to, say, not doing for them because you just don’t comply a lot because you’re a free man, outcome independent, and do only what you want to do).

What’s the right balance to strike, then?

How much should you do for girls... as opposed to how much should you not?

That’s what this article is about: how to strike the right balance with your effort.

Can Casual Sex Emotionally Satisfy You?

Hey guys!

Here is another reflection of mine. Lately I have discussed with other well-experienced seducers about “meaningfulness” in seduction – a topic that has really caught my attention lately.

What is the meaning of all this?

Many men tend to look at this in a very black and white fashion – as in either sleeping with lots of different women or settling down with one particular girl.

Truth is, it doesn’t have to be that black and white. This post will briefly discuss the pros and cons before covering an alternative to those forms of lifestyle – a lifestyle I and a few other seducers are discussing or even endorsing.

casual sex satisfy

Her Raw Material or Your Relationship Skills: Which Matters More?

relationship skillsOne of the more interesting questions in relationship management is this one:

The raw material of the person you’re working with, or your relationship management abilities: which matters more?

Stated differently, are you better off dating girls you know make excellent relationship candidates, or are you better off practicing excellent relationship management yourself?

Of course, you know my advice to you will be: “Do both!”

In my opinion, both these two guys:

  1. The guy who picks a girl who’s a terrible fit for a relationship, yet reasons he’ll be able to ‘change’ her or ‘handle’ her; and

  2. The guy who picks a girl who’s an incredible fit for a relationship, then proceeds to do everything wrong from a relationship management standpoint

... are equally screwed.

However, there are some wrinkles to this that are worth understanding.

Why You Always Date the Wrong Person

There are two types of people in the world, romantically-speaking:

  • Those who always date the right person, and
  • Those who always date the wrong person

The people who always date the right person are fairly consistently happy, contented, and have wonderful views of the opposite sex. They think dating is grand, and they’re still friends with their exes. Or at least they think warmly of them.

The people who always date the wrong person are fairly consistently ticked off, resentful, or disappointed, and often have scathing views of the opposite sex. They think dating is a grind, and they’re confused and unhappy, or even mortal enemies with their exes... when they’re not trying to get their exes back again, that is.

date the wrong person

This article is about why people fall into one of these camps or the other: why some people always date the right person, and why others always date the wrong one.

If She Does Not Meet Your Needs, Fix It, Tell Her, or Cut Bait

I see a lot of guys in relationships where they just aren’t getting their needs met:

she doesn't meet your needs

... and I always say to myself, “That seems silly, why don’t they just either fix the situation or get out?”

It seems straightforward enough: if she does not meet your needs, then you either

  • Fix the situation,
  • Make HER fix the situation, or
  • Replace her

Yet, human emotion is not so simple, and once a guy’s is invested in a girl, it’s often hard to pull himself away, even if the situation is not ideal.

So, that in mind, I want to take a look at how men end up in these unsatisfactory positions... and I want to give you some advice on what to do, should you find yourself stuck in a similar pit of tar, unable to get free and sinking ever downward.

Book Review: Why Him? Why Her? by Helen Fisher

Note from Chase: this is the first article by Varoon Rajah, who runs our podcast series. Varoon’s launching this book review series, where he aims to review a new book each month related to dating, attraction, relationships, or psychology. Here’s Varoon...


Why Him? Why Her? is a book by Helen Fisher which ultimately suggests who you fall in love with (for GC readers – who men and women are attracted to) is powerfully influenced by who you are. Or, in other words, your personality is influenced from a very young age by your inherent temperament in addition to developed character traits. While it is commonly thought that your experiences in life shape who you are, what is not as clear to many is how a person’s inherent biology ultimately shapes them, as well as guides their choices and decisions well through their life – including the domain of relationships, love, and romance.

why him why her

Helen briefly discusses this distinction – personality based on experiences and character versus personality based on biology and temperament – early on in her book:

Your character traits stem from you experiences. Your childhood games; your parents’ interests and values; how people in your community express love and hate; what relatives and friends regard as polite, dangerous or exciting; how they worship; what they sing; when they laugh; what they do to make a living and relax – these and innumerable other cultural forces combine to build your unique set of character traits.

The balance of your personality is your temperament, all of the biological based tendencies you have inherited, traits that emerge early childhood to produce your consistent patterns of feeling, thinking and behaving… Temperament is the “I am,” the foundation of who you are. Curiosity; creativity; novelty seeking; compassion; cautiousness; competitiveness: to some degree, you inherit these and many other aspects of your disposition.

Fisher, Helen. (2009). Why Him? Why Her?: finding real love by understanding your personality type (pp. 3-4). New York, NY: Henry Holt and Company, LLC.

And thus, we all have an inherent disposition and behavior that shows up to others. You might imagine where and how this is useful with your woman life – knowing the nature of that cute girl you’re about to approach or just approached, that cute girl you just met at 2 AM in a nightclub, that cute girl you’re about to go on a date with, and maybe even that cute girl you’re already dating or in a long term relationship with – has absolutely massive implications as to how you show up to her, how she shows up to you, and how elements that you present to each other serve or don’t serve to bring you two into getting together.

And knowing this – knowing your target and who she is – can enable the seeking of girls most suitable to partner with you, as well as cater your own experience with her to manage her needs, attractions, and repulsions.

And with that, we dive into this exploration of where experience meets biology.