Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

How to Have Sex When You’re New and Unsure


In your lifetime you will have many experiences. Some will be frustrating. Some will be triumphant. Some will be painful. Some will be easily forgotten.

But there are some experiences that everyone remembers. For many people in the West, for example, one of those experiences is their first car. Whenever you asked someone in the West about their first car they get this very wondrous and nostalgic look in their eyes. And you can tell that a wonderful story is about to unfold.

But for all people, one experience that people will never forget no matter what is the time they lost their virginity. Regardless if it was awkward, lackluster, or incredible, this experience will always leave an indelible mark on the storyline of every person’s life. And it will always be something they can readily account without a moment’s hesitation.

But what if you haven’t had this experience yet? What if you’ve been wondering what it would be like to cross this threshold, this rite of passage, and feel for yourself what all people have engaged in for ages past? What if you don’t know how to have sex?

The thought probably makes you feel excited. It probably makes you feel nervous. And it probably fills you with the pressure of feeling like you have to do it at the right time, in the right place, and with the right person.

So how do you know when the time is right for you? And when you do decide, how do you go about actually doing it? That’s the topic I’ll be covering today. I’m going to talk about what factors should influence your decision to have sex the first time and how to go about having sex when you’re new and a bit unsure.

The uncertainty can definitely be a little nerve-racking, but just know that you’re not alone in feeling that way.

Why We Don’t Live in a Sexual Utopia


In this post we will be reflecting on sexual liberalism. If you have read some of my earlier posts, you have probably seen that I discuss this matter a lot, as it is something that I’m deeply interested in and I believe it to be extremely relevant to the field of seduction.

Previously I have discussed how each person should be free to live out their sexuality as they wish without having people judge them for it. As long the sex is consensual and no one is intentionally causing harm to the other person or a third party, people should be sexually free to do what they want.

If there is no harm involved then there is no reason for legal or moral restrictions.

But it is however the case in this world that most societies are not sexually liberated. Some societies have more sexually liberated cultures in them than others no doubt, but none can be classified as sexually liberated per se.

Women are still being labeled as sluts as a result of their sexual actions; men are still labelled as perverts for being sex obsessed, etc. Even though, legally speaking, most countries are either already liberalized or going through a liberalization process, morally speaking, not much change is taking place. The moralism around sexuality is still strong.

In this post, I cover whether or not we should aim for a sexually liberated world in the moral sense. Will a society with total sexual freedom, in the sense that people just have sex with each other as a result of horniness, without any moral limitations, be better than how things currently are? Do we benefit from the stop of moral policing?

Before we dive in, I would like you to know that I have been thinking a lot about this topic and my answer to this question is a result of much reflection. However, it still remains my personal opinion. There is no objective right or wrong in this case, and if your opinion differs from mine, do not hesitate to share it in the comment section – but, as this topic is politically and morally loaded, I ask you all to be constructive in your comments, not only for my sake but also for the other people reading.

When to Throw the Ball into Her Court (and When Not To)


ball's in her court “The ball’s in your court.”

You either love uttering that line, or you never utter it.

It’s a truly liberating line when you’re using it right – some girl you think likes you, or you think might like you, but who is being coy or difficult about coming out... you’re just going to fire that text off to her, and forget about her.

Or a girl you met somewhere social, but she isn’t accompanying you: “Come find me later.” Maybe she will, maybe she won’t.

These can be difficult things to say, and even more difficult things to adhere to, when you’re first starting out and chasing women is second nature. Even if you manage to tell a girl the ball’s in her court, you may find yourself texting her the next day anyway... or the day after.

And the other side is sometimes true too – you may find yourself shoving women off your plate too quick and too often, not wanting to deal with the sometimes-stressful dance that is seduction.

Perhaps that girl you told to get in touch with you later, who never did, would’ve gotten together with you had you persisted just a little bit harder in person or over text.

Drawing the line between when to persist and when to toss the ball in her court is a dicey call sometimes... yet it may determine the difference between you chasing after her and still not getting her, and you flipping the script on her and getting her chasing you.

How to Get Started Improving Your Looks


This article is inspired by a superb piece Chase wrote recently: “How to Get Started at Picking Up Girls”.

Indeed, just like with pick up, it is quite easy to get overwhelmed by the amount of information that is supposed to help you improve your looks.

You will read advice like “make sure your clothes fit right”, “wear monochromatic colors”, “wear bolder colors”, “add contrast”, “avoid contrast”, “choose colors based on your skin tone”, “invest in a good pair of shoes”.

And if you’re brave enough to step into online communities that focus solely on men’s style you’ll find an even more confusing situation of names dropping and brand obsessing that for an outsider might seem even a bit snobbish (and indeed it sometimes is).

The funny thing is, such advice (even if it seems contradictory) is often technically correct and can lead to great results in certain situations.

improving your looks

But the problem is that unless you had some positive and style-savvy influences in your life – friends, women, etc. – who can show you what actually looks good on you, how proper fit should feel like, what colors go well together it is a very daunting journey to start on. This is especially true for guys who live outside fashionable cities, in locations where wearing basketball shorts and flip flops is considered an “okay casual look”.

I tried to address this issue in the last article “6 Outfits That Will Help You Look Sexy” and Chase wrote a superb primer for men’s style that covers most important points.

Today, I’d like to fill one more gap in the knowledge – the part that goes before you go out shopping or decide what you’ll be wearing on a night out. We’ll cover mindsets and healthy habits that should be developed.

But don’t be fooled, this won’t be a feel-good article that you will read and forget the next day; I will invite you to do some hard thinking every step of the way, so that by the end of this guide you will clearly know what needs to be done in your unique situation.

Over-Gaming, and Losing Girls You Should’ve Got


over gameOne topic I’ve found coming up a lot recently in discussions with guys on the boards and in real life is that of avoiding what I call ‘over-gaming’... when a guy just spends too much time trying to convince a girl he is attractive enough, or that she should come with him, instead of just leading and making it happen.

If you’ve fully internalized some of the basic concepts on here already, like:

... there won’t be much new for you in this post.

However, if you’re still not firing 100% on all cylinders, this’ll give you another perspective at looking at an issue that guys in the intermediate level on up run into quite commonly.

How to be Optimistic: 5 Steps (You Must Take)


Last week I wrote a post about How to be Passionate. That post was focused on becoming passionate with women, with work, and with life in general by generating an internal understanding and system in order to bring about greater awareness, curiosity, and appreciation for life.

So it’s only natural that I follow that post up with one on how to be optimistic. It seems that optimism has taken over the general zeitgeist of the West (perhaps even to a fault), and that literature, teaching, and educational/inspirational talks are all focused on the power of optimism and how to become optimistic yourself.

How to be Optimistic

Although I do not believe that optimism is a cure-all for any state of existence, it has been proven that people who are optimistic tend to be more successful in life and generally healthier in body as well. And it doesn’t really hurt to have the ability to look at a situation and learn and grow from it.

So today I want to talk about how to become optimistic. And don’t worry, this won’t be one of those “feel-good” kinds of posts where I just stroke your ego and tell you how special you are. We will discuss real practical steps and mindsets (as I always do) in order to boost your sense of optimism and general life satisfaction.

How to Get Threesomes with Girls You Know


Today we will be talking about one of my favorite topics: threesomes. I will share some basic principles that are key in making one happen: we will discuss some inner game issues, requirements, and the pre-work necessary for such an endeavor.

Threesomes

Keep in mind that this post is only an introduction to threesomes, so it will only cover the basic principles. I will in the future write more advanced posts on the topic. But for now, this post is suited for intermediate to advanced players.

What we will cover in this post is how to set up a threesome. We will not discuss spontaneous threesomes, such as when you meet two women at the pub and hours later end up in a threesome with them, as that is more advanced and we need to learn how to walk before we can run. If you still would like to read more on spontaneous threesomes, check out my threesome report here.

After covering the basics, I will use a real life example to discuss the steps to making a threesome happen. And you’ve already guessed it – the real life example is the continuation of my last lay report, the one where I used a sexual frame to get crazy sex from a woman fast.

In this post we will continue the story as I met with Tessa and her friend for a potential threesome. I will of course explain the process step by step.

Enjoy!

Want Dates? Then Approach Girls


I’m staying with Colt out in Denver right now, and we had an interesting conversation yesterday in which he mentioned that some of his friends read Girls Chase religiously, then go out to bars and refuse to approach girls at all.

The way he phrased this to me specifically was to ask me: “What do you do when you have friends who are trying to go the whole James Bond GC approach and look super cool but never approach?”

approach girls

So, yeah, I get this. Approaching’s no fun. It opens you up to potential public embarrassment, since you’re going to get rejected more often than not. Worse, if your ego’s feeling a little fragile, or there are people around you’d like to think well of you, that ego or that impression might take a hit if you go out there, walk up, say ‘hi’, and get shot down.

But if you want girls, you have to approach girls.

The “super suave James Bond who just chills at the bar sipping a martini and just waits for girls to open him” is a kind of funny seduction myth that it’s nice to imagine yourself inhabiting.

However, it’s a myth, and no more. Not even Bond himself does it – his approaches are cool, and smooth, but he makes them.

This is something I see guys who are newer and even guys a bit more advanced doing. Most guys fall into it sometimes. I fall into it sometimes. “I’ll just wait here until girls gravitate to me and then dating and sex will happen.”

But nothing happens if you don’t approach.

When You Should React vs. When You Should Not


Being unreactive to challenging situations is often the strongest option available to you. When a girl is testing you hard, someone is publicly belittling you, or things are just generally going crazy and spiraling out of control, the most nonplussed, nonchalant man typically wins: he shows dominance, control, and unflappability.

when to react

However, sometimes the calm of unreactiveness must be set aside, and situations simply need dealing with.

Sometimes the girl testing you needs to be set straight; sometimes person belittling you needs to be put in his place; sometimes the crazy situation requires you to place both hands on the wheel and make things sane again.

If you react in situations where remaining unreactive is ideal, you violate the Law of Least Effort and appear tryhard; yet, if you fail to react in situations where your reaction is sorely needed, you seem weak, fearful, and indecisive.

That makes things necessarily a bit trickier, because there isn’t a perfect one-size-fits-all response to every situation; sometimes it’s better to not react, other times better to react.

To know which one is called for, you must have a read on the specific situation... and you must be able not to bow to social pressure.

How to be Passionate


The big mantra in the West is “Find your passion”. Every person is constantly telling you that if you don’t live and work passionately then you will never have a truly fulfilling life. However, living a passionate life can be harder than it seems.

How to be Passionate

People who live with passion seem to have some sort of secret to vivacious living that other people do not.

But rather than this being a post on how to find the work you’re meant to do, we will instead be examining why passion is so highly valued to begin with. It’ll answer the question: why does everyone laud passion and passionate people to such a high level?

And after that we will outline how to be passionate in every area of life – especially with women.