Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

How to Be Social and Lead a Social Group


Setting a good foundation socially can set you up to stumble across receptive girls and make the process of meeting new ones almost automatic.

social group

Most guys who are great with women eventually develop this skill as a result of developing their attitude and then naturally falling into it, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t take away some good things at your current level by becoming aware of some foundations of sociability.

I’m going to go over quite a bit here in bullet form, and then I’m going to give you a bit of a run down on why the points are key. Some might seem really common sense, others less, but overall you want to look at the big picture and measure in your own mind how you are addressing these points now and how that compares to something more ideal.

Keeping It Simple for Planning Great Dates


I can recall with distinct clarity a time in my life when I thought it was a must that you go all out when planning a first date. I’d heard it from my mother, read it in magazines and books, saw it on television, and even heard it from the horse’s mouth. Yes, even the women I’d known as friends or romantic interests were telling me I needed to pony up and make that first date as extravagant as possible!

simple dates

However, the real way to make a great first impression has absolutely nothing to do with the activity itself or the amount of money you spend – it’s all about:

  1. Your fundamentals, such as your style of clothing and voice and body language

  2. The actual interaction itself, your conversation skills, and how well you are able to lead her

  3. Your ability to hit escalation windows and pick up on opportunities to move things forward

So as Ricardus taught us, you really can go “From Street to Bed in a Snap”, and that most certainly does not require an 8-hour date at an amusement park or a $100 dinner.

You're Passing Up the Hottest, Coolest Girls


hottest coolest girlsWhen I first moved to California, I set up a number of dates in advance (thanks, online dating!) so that I’d be able to hit the ground running when I got there.

My first date I set up for one week after I’d arrived (I wanted a little time to unpack and make my place presentable first... plus, after a 5-day cross-country drive, I really just wanted to settle in for a few days and see some friends in town before I dialed up on girls).

When that first date showed up one week later, I was floored – she’d looked good in her pictures, but in person she was absolutely smoking hot. I fell instantly in love. But she never quite reciprocated those emotions to me, and when we ended up back at my apartment at the end of the date and I tried to kiss her, she rejected this, told me she was uncomfortable, and left.

My second date was the next night. For this date, I drove about 30 minutes north of town and met her near where she lived. She met me wearing a white, modest wedding-style dress (unbeknownst to me, she’d apparently just gotten married – when I saw it, I thought, “Is that a wedding dress? Nah... there’s no way,” but apparently, it was), sipping a plastic cup of champagne. She was very cute, with a quite attractive face and waist-length hair, but I wasn’t super impressed at the time. We slept together a few hours later, and I was pretty happy then, because not only did she have a pretty face and great hair, but her body was absolutely killer. I hadn’t really realized it when I saw her in her modest (wedding) dress.

The girl from the first date I saw a few more times over the years, and only years later did I realize that face-wise, she wasn’t really that cute. And body-wise, well, she was thin by American standards, but not so by international ones, and her breasts were non-existent.

She just dressed and acted sexy. Bright colors, big sunglasses that left more of her face to the imagination, alternately suggestive and aloof behavior, like what we talked about in “Elegance, Sexiness, and Average, Normal People.”

Yet, she’d been the one I was excited about, while the one who was the whole package I’d merely thought “meh” at the time about.

And I see so many guys doing this all the time, getting caught up on the wrong girls, and then getting bitter because of how those girls treat them.

It’s kind of a clown show that we all fall victim to.

Anatomy of a Failed Date


I found myself seated several evenings ago next to a young couple who were obviously on a first date. The girl was thin and okay-looking, though she’d lopped her hair off into a not-very-attractive medium-length boy cut, while the man was tall and lanky with a somewhat awkward accent I couldn’t quite place, but otherwise not too bad. She was dressed more fashionably than he was, her in a frilly white button down shirt, while he seemed to just be wearing a standard t-shirt or polo shirt.

My ears perked up because it was obvious from the moment I sat down that the guy had some game; what I’m always curious of in these types of situations, though, is, “How much?”

As it turned out, the guy had just enough game to get the girl extremely excited about him... before running the date straight into a concrete wall.

failed date

And that’s what I want to talk about today, because the things this guy did right and the ones he did wrong are something I see lots of newer guys making in their dates and interactions, and ones I certainly made a lot myself early on.

Because it often isn’t the “grabbing her interest and exciting her” part guys fail at; it’s all the stuff that comes after that.

Styled for Summer Contest


We’ve teamed up with SexyStyleForJoe.com to give you an exclusive opportunity to get styled for the summer (and beyond!). Once lucky winner will win a private styling session with SexyStyleForJoe.com’s style-master Darius, who will personally advise you on how to upgrade your look.

styled for summer

What Causes Infidelity – And How to Handle It


what causes infidelityInfidelity can be one of the most difficult things that can happen to you as a man.

Sometimes you feel it coming but try not to admit it to yourself; other times, it seems to come completely out of left field.

Women are such largely emotional creatures, and if you don’t know how to manage those emotions, you could very well find yourself in a world of hurt.

But what causes infidelity in the first place?

Today I’m going to talk about the root causes of infidelity, share a painfully valuable story from my past, and talk about how to spot infidelity before it happens as well as how to handle it if it does happen to you.

How to Use Sexual Qualification to Prime Women for Sex


As promised, I will now share a practical technique built on the theory of “sexual prizing”.

sexual qualification

Before I begin however, I would like to mention that this post is rather advanced. This is good news for our more experienced readers, but for those of you who are beginners/intermediates, I highly recommend you read my three previous posts that build up to this one:

These posts will work as pillars for the technique I am about to share with you. You will soon see “why” and “how” this all applies.

Although in theory reading these posts beforehand isn’t required, I very much recommend it. Reading them will give you a better, deeper, and broader understanding of the concept I am about to share with you.

Finally, keep in mind that this is an advanced (yet very efficient) technique, which means that having some in-field experience with women might be necessary in order to be able to pull this off properly. Still, if you don’t have that experience, read this post, and try it out and maybe fail anyway – it just might make you better. What I am really saying though is that you should not be too hard on yourself if you are a freshman with women and this doesn’t work as you’d expected.

How to Break Free from Your White Knight Mindset


white knightThe guys that eventually start to “get” women all have one thing in common: they ALL realize that being consistent with women is just not as simple as they thought it was going to be... and they step up to the challenge.

In this article, I’m going to tell you why the white knight attitude has to go, and I’m going to give you some clues as to what you should do instead.

First off, what is a white knight and why does it have anything to do with not stepping up to the challenge with women?

A white knight is the name given to a certain type of blind optimism, and it is a mindset that is very common amongst guys who are yet to take the demands of being good with women seriously.

White knight behaviours include things like:

  • Putting women on pedestals

  • Making the girl your only focus

  • Speaking overly intelligently (faking)

  • Taking everything at face value

  • Rushing to judgement in order to peripherally impress women or “hold your ground”

  • Pretending you are asexual (no sexual motives)

  • Posturing, or running an “impress the damsel” routine

  • Putting up strong barriers in an attempt to appear like you have good traits like honesty, faithfulness, infatuation, cleanliness, agreeableness, etc.

  • Roping girls into romantic relationships because they gave you some signals

Have you ever congratulated yourself for something you thought you did really well, only to later discover you actually overlooked huge details and what you were doing wasn’t even half as good as you imagined it was?

White knighting is a result of the same phenomenon. We think we are clever, until the penny drops later that we are actually messing up very important details that are crucial to long-term viability of our behaviour.

Artificial Hierarchies vs. Personal Appeal


I want to make a brief side trip from seduction today to talk about a broader social distinction you will run into that it’s vitally important to understand.

That is the distinction between artificial hierarchies and personal appeal.

artificial hierarchies

In the broader social arena, when it comes to getting hired on jobs, or dealing with legal issues, or negotiating mano-e-mano, or differentiating even between social circle game and cold approach pickup, you’ll find that most people seem to be stronger in one area – navigating and leveraging artificial hierarchies, or appealing to and swaying individuals personally – than they are the other.

And when you’re in your element, you will often find things easier; conversely, when you’re out of it, things will often become fiendishly hard and you will not know why.

The reason why frequently is because you’re trying to achieve your objectives using the wrong strategy for the situation at hand... because each of these two types of power structures require very different approaches.

Very few people ever come to grasp this well enough to move fluidly back and forth between the two.

Are There No Second Chances with Women?


second chancesA reader writes in, asking the following questions:

”Chase,

I’ve read several of your articles, and I can relate to quite a bit of what you say. However, it seems to me that in your scenarios, the guy is always the one who is at fault. It’s as though the girl is fully functional, prepared to choose who she is interested in and whether or not the guy fits in to one of her categories,  I guess robotic in a way. What I’m trying to get at mainly is the no second chance with women idea. Like if you don’t move fast enough she is gone for good. Is it really the case that the guy has to do everything right or else he is out? This perplexes me as we live in a society where equal opportunity for race, genders, and sexuality is at the forefront. In the corporate world and in the military, women are continually given more and more power/leadership/etc. They are no longer viewed as the traditional queen role from what I see. In this respect, why must the guy solely be the one to make things happen fast, take her as his lover before she flees to the next guy, and so on.

Perhaps I have read your writings incorrectly, but your advice (though as I said much of it rings true with me) seems to put the vast majority of the burden on the guy’s shoulders.

Also, let’s say that I screwed it up with a chick. I took her as my lover, but then later decided she was no longer interested. Walked away, realized I made a mistake. Apologized a couple weeks later, she says she has moved on to someone else. Your principles seem to be true here at first, but when she blames me for the fallout, then comes to the bar that night and makes out with me, only to run off and go kiss on some guy’s cheek, and give all sorts of mixed signals thereafter, things get hazy. No second chances, but I’ll make out with you? It just doesn’t click with me that anyone has all of this figured out. Life isn’t black and white, I don’t think.

I would appreciate your reply!”

So, there are a lot of interesting questions and themes in here worth addressing:

  • Are there no second chances with women?
  • Is it all on the man to make things happen?
  • What about equality?
  • Why do women send mixed signals?
  • Why do women flirt if they don’t want you?

I’m not really going to talk about the other bullets here – I addressed the “do/should guys REALLY have to do EVERYTHING?” question here a few weeks ago: “What Role Should Women Play in the Mating Game?” I’ll throw a quick bone to that one though because I have a couple more things to say on it you should find interesting. The third bullet is addressed in that post, and the fourth and fifth in these two: “Mixed Signals from a Girl: What These Mean” and “The Paradox of the Flirty Girl.”

Let’s talk about second chances though, because that’s one it seems like a lot of guys want to know about, and it’s worth discussing for sure.