Insights from the Mind of a Seducer | Girls Chase

Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

The Sexual Reframe, Part I: Reprogram Her Desires

sexual reframe
The sexual reframe lets you take innocent behaviors and make them sexual. To pull this off, you need three (3) requirements in place first.

In the era we live right now – an era of rampant debauchery and staggering amounts of casual sex, in which everybody is “doing it” or at least making an effort to join in the fun – one night stands, no-strings-attached sex, and friends-with-benefits relationships are not only supported, they’re encouraged.

Especially if, like me, you’re a young man in a somewhat stressful environment like a university... let’s just say that everybody tends to start looking for a way to relieve that sexual energy every now and again. All that pent-up tension has to go somewhere.

You might wonder... in this day and age, with such “loose morals” and lowered levels of anti-slut defense, what’s the point of a sexual frame? Sure it’s a technique that has already been discussed here at length, and by default these days, you might think: “Well, if we’re both attracted to each other, then sex is on the table and will most likely happen in due course.” And you’re right. In most dating situations in North America, Europe, and beyond... there’s much less need for setting an actual “sexual frame” with a girl. More and more these days, girls will happily go to bed with you so long as you present yourself as a sexy man. But if you’d like to take things further, then this might be the article for you.

Please allow me to re-introduce a concept that my buddy Alek Rolstad wowed the seduction community with back in the late 2000’s. It’s called the sexual reframe. It’s also a technique that another master seducer, Ricardus Domino, has been using for almost a decade. And after setting aside time for intensive practice... I’ve been able to use this technique consistently.

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Sidestep Unnecessary Confrontations

sidestep
What do you do when a girl tests you and you’re suddenly out of your depth? Sidestep! The sidestep lets you avoid all manner of traps, snares, and pitfalls.

The sidestep: it’s an incredibly powerful move and the antidote for a lot of men’s problems when facing resistance.

When a man encounters a wall in a conversation or with a girl, his first reaction is either to give up or to push past the resistance. The flaw in giving up is obvious: neither of you win. You don’t show up to play the game, and it’s over.

The flaw with pushing past resistance is that most guys do it in a needy or overly aggressive way.

They concede to her way of thinking and find a way to please her or assuage her concern.

Or, if they do choose to face her frame head to head, they attempt to strong-arm her emotions at a much more severe emotional level than that at which she resisted. Their brute conversational force scares her off.

Instead, when a man faces resistance, he should consider sidestepping or moving around the obstacle rather than wrestling against it, which usually leaves either your two egos broken.

Parry her loving strikes.

But before we get into the how-to, allow me to illustrate how badly you can embarrass yourself when you try to outmaneuver a much more dominant and socially savvy girl... By sharing with you perhaps one of my most shameful stories.

Girls are Some of Your Greatest Teachers

girls greatest teachers
Girls teach you a lot when you try to talk to them, date them, or pick them up. They’re among the greatest teachers you’ll have, in fact.

In Drexel’s post yesterday on the top 3 reasons to pick up sober, he discussed pickup as a crucible through which you may purge demons and unlock total masculinity.

There are a few areas of life that shape and mold boys into men in their own unique ways:

  • Group leadership (sports, clubs, politics, priesthood, military)
  • Business operation (or in particular, business ownership)
  • Teaching
  • Fatherhood
  • Cold approach pickup

None of these are guarantees. Plenty of men make it through any of these crucibles with gaping holes in their masculinity.

  • The talented seducer who sobs over yet another girlfriend who’s ditched him, or flies into a rage when some girl dares reject him.

  • The father who fails to discipline his children out of fear and instead raises dysfunctional adults.

  • The leader who’s a leader in name only, and never learns to look out for anyone more than himself.

  • The teacher who’s only in it for the paycheck, the power, or to indoctrinate and inculcate, versus the instructor who exists to challenge, spark curiosity, and open minds.

  • The business operator or owner who cuts corners and does anything for a buck, leaving a trail of burned contractors, employees, and customers in his wake.

However the man who takes his cultivation serious can grow enormously in any of these roles... Far more so than he can in any other way.

That’s because central to each of these roles are two elements as crucial to succeeding with women as they are to succeeding as a man: the social crucible, and responsibility for more than one’s self.

The Top 3 Reasons to Pick Up Girls Sober

pick up girls sober
Check the nightlife, and you’ll see almost every guy out to pick up girls is drunk or high. If you can do it sober, you give yourself a major competitive advantage.

Do you blaze, drink, or do lines when you go out and hit the club to chat up girls?

One year ago, William Gupta talked about the truth about taking drugs and hooking up.

After a decade in the Game, I've noticed something striking - almost nobody is sober. When guys learn and practice pick-up, they tend to be drunk, stoned, or both... and a lot of the guys gaming in clubs are, to put it bluntly, doing coke in the bathrooms in order to keep themselves "up" for the long haul of partying and hitting on women until 2 in the morning.

Before you think I'm just being some prude who can't have a good time, let me preface what I'm about to say by mentioning that I struggled with various forms of addiction for a full decade. I've been through the depths of that hell, I know what the demons look and sound like in your head, and I know precisely what kind of blade a man needs to sever them in half and regain his life from the abyss.

Now, before I get into my top 3 reasons to practice pick-up sober, I'll briefly explain why I think so many guys can't seem to perform this art without a little "chemical help" of some type. I believe that the primary reason so many guys do pick-up stoned or drunk... which REALLY became clear once I cleaned up my act and started living the sober life... is that pick-up is scary as hell.

Congruence, Psychology, and Taking a Girl Home 5 Minutes After Hello

congruence psychology
Congruence is a term in psychology that refers to a state where your self and your behavior align. This leads to crazy success in dating.

How many “techniques” have guys ever used to get women?

Some guys take a very smooth, suave approach – a little James Bond mixed with Danny Ocean.

Others take a “Van Wilder” approach and try to amp up a girl’s emotions, making her have so much fun that her logical, self-judging mind turns off, and sex just happens.

Others, me included, like to take a “gorilla game” approach, and just approach every girl as decisively and directly as possible, initiating physical contact as early as is appropriate.

There are a ton of different strategies when it comes to getting girls, and those are just a few. But which one is the best? Some would argue the merits of push-pull game, others claim that providing a witty and charming conversation takes the cake, while others insist that confidence is key. What I would say is this: these are all very good approaches to getting women, and they all have their merits. Some strategies will work better than others – depending on the situation.

If you’re at that posh new nightclub in LA, or at Surrender in Las Vegas for your yearly bachelor’s trip, using “James Bond” game might not be the best idea. If you’re at a high-end business networking meeting, emulating “Van Wilder” might network your ass right to the curb. But regardless of the location and style of game you prefer, there is one underlying principle that is more important than ANY strategy or technique.

That principle, of course, is congruence.

How Should I Dress? Men’s Guide to Sexy Going-Out Attire

how should I dress
How should I dress if I want to meet girls and look good? If you ask yourself this, you’re on the right track. That’s because styles change based on their target audience.

It’s that time of day again – time to go out and meet those beautiful women!

As you’re getting prepared you hit the shower, brush your teeth, shave or style your facial hair, then style your haircut and maybe spray on some cologne.

You’re feeling refreshed, and as you look in mirror you can’t help but catch yourself thinking “Looking good, man, looking damn good.”

Then you open your wardrobe to choose the outfit for the occasion.

Except, which one?

Most of us have our favorite go-to outfits that we rely on to get the job done as we’re heading out to hit the streets, a bar, or a club, or simply for meeting that cute girl over drinks later in the afternoon.

We go for this outfit (or outfits) without much conscious thought and hope that the overall image we end up with will work well enough to give us a chance to work our magic. At least this is how most guys tend to approach their image and style.

But with this article I would like to give you an alternative, showing you that you can use your image – the way you dress and present yourself to the world – as an advantage to do some of the “heavy lifting” before you even get a chance to open your mouth.

On top of that, I want to show you firsthand how much control you really have over how you appear to the world and how easy it is to better manage the first impressions you’re making when you’re out in the field.

My last goal with this article is to debunk the myth of “the perfect look” and “one-size-fits-all” advice, then help you answer a seemingly simple question: “How should I dress?”

Tactics Tuesdays: Do You Eject from Dates or Pickups Too Soon?

eject too soon
You’ve met a girl, it’s going fine, and then you just... Eject, too soon. You leave too early. You beat yourself up about it later – but what could you have done then?

Want a simple way to get more success out of your dates, courtships, pickups, etc.?

Here it is: don’t eject so fast.

Early ejection plagues beginners in seduction. And the wound is a self-inflicted one.

This sound at all familiar?:

You got up the nerve to approach a girl. She’s cute. Real cute. Your heart rate is going 200 beats per minute. And it’s going okay. She smiled when you walked up, she said “hello”, and now she’s responding to your questions and asking you some back. You make a light joke and she laughs. Yet the pressure just builds and builds. Finally, you excuse yourself: “All right, well, it was nice to meet you!” And then you leave.

You didn’t ask her out; you didn’t take her phone number. Things were going okay, but then you bailed. You had to hit the eject button.

Why does this happen? Well, fear, mostly.

What can you do about it? Well, we’re going to talk about that.

What Percent Impact Does Race Have on Attractiveness?

race attractiveness and dating
Race is a touchy subject in dating and attraction. How much does it really impact your desirability? Anywhere from +19% to -30%, it turns out.

We’ve talked about race off and on at Girls Chase. My usual advice is to not worry about it too much, because you can’t change it; there are so many attraction factors you can focus on that it’s effectively not that relevant most of the time. And if you get your fundamentals tight enough, you transcend race (or negative racial effects become bonuses – “Oh! I didn’t know X race guys could be like him!”).

William talked about race here: “Everything I Know About Race and Dating Girls”, and Jerome discussed it (with a few thoughts by me) here: “Asian Guys and White Girls: The Secret to Success.” And I called out guys who focus on race (or other subjects) to the exclusion of all else here: “I Can’t Get Girls Because Girls Only Want [BLANK].”

At the risk of opening up a can of worms (i.e., the “my race has a negative impact, therefore I shouldn’t even try” worm can), I’d like to look at some of the actual data on racial preferences... As well as how these change with time.

How Screening Game (Sniper Game) Compares to Traditional Game

screening game
Screening game or sniper game is targeting your approach to girls who seem open to you. It has pros over traditional game – but also cons.

Hi. I hope you are doing great. Today I will discuss a new trend that I have seen in this community – a new trend when it comes to approaching girls. Trends come and go in this community, and the latest is situated around what is referred to as screening game.

Now, it doesn’t matter whether or not you have dived deep into this community and learned about the trends – maybe you are just a simple reader or maybe a new reader. I will make sure you get what “screening game” (also called “sniper game”) is. It is a pretty cool form of game. I will list the pros and cons of it and compare it to standard traditional non-screening game... Before I talk about what I personally prefer and like to do when I am meeting women.

Before I begin, I just want to let you know that both styles I will discuss in this article work pretty well, and it is all a matter of personal preference. I do believe, however, that it is key to at least get a grasp on both styles – and preferably learn both.

Men are Penetrators. Women are Receivers

receivers and penetrators
A man’s ability to penetrate defines him, just as a woman’s capacity to receive defines her. But it isn’t just physical penetration: it’s mental and emotional too.

What is different between woman and man?

In 1908, Sigmund Freud introduced the concept of ‘penis envy’ in his article “On the Sexual Theories of Children.” The (rather circuitous) thought process Freud believed little girls went through included wanting to have sex with their mothers, realizing they lacked the equipment for this, then blaming their mothers for their ‘castration’ and turning their affections toward their fathers.

Freud himself admitted not really ‘getting’ women, and his attempts to psychoanalyze them seem to make clear he never really did ‘get’ them.

Yet ‘penis envy’ is a real phenomenon (even if it may not come about quite as Freud imagined). More or less every woman experiences, at some point, the desire to be the penetrator herself. To know what it feels like to thrust the reproductive part of her body into the body of another. Even women, who cannot penetrate, recognize the power of the role.

Men who struggle with masculinity invariably are men who have lost sight of this uniquely masculine role – the role of the penetrator. And they have forgotten women’s uniquely feminine one – the role of recipient. Unlocking masculinity in yourself, and unlocking femininity in the women around you, comes down, to large extent, to this question: can you penetrate, and will she receive?