Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

How to Eat a Girl Out: Tips from an Ex-Porn Star

eat a girl out

Note from Chase: this is a guest post from Big Mike, ex-porn star and author of Secrets to Lasting Longer. Here’s Mike’s detailed guide on how to eat a girl out.

Women secretly desire to find a man who knows how to eat a girl out... otherwise known as “perform cunnilingus.” It has even been said that some women simply give up on men and become either bisexual or fully lesbian because they cannot get a guy to do it right.

The problem is exacerbated by most men who don’t want to take directions or instruction. Sound familiar? All of us guys have a tendency to not want to stop and ask for directions, even when we are totally lost. I get it. Been there, done that.

Let’s face it. It’s embarrassing to admit that we don’t know what we are doing. And to think that other guys know how to do it better than us is a real challenge to our egos.

The problem is that most women don’t come with an instruction manual in their panties. And to make matters worse, they don’t want to tell you what to do. Why? Because they feel that you should already know, even though hardly any of us were ever taught how to do it right.

We get stuck in a catch-22 situation where they don’t want to tell us what to do, and we don’t want to ask.

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Approach Lots of Girls (Without Spam Approaching)

One of the easiest ways to develop skill with women is cold approach, and one of the greatest progress accelerators when you go out is to talk to lots of girls.

spam approach

There’s a problem with talking to lots of girls, however, and the problem is that in many guys this quickly devolves into ‘spam approaching’.

Spam sucks, and it hardly works. The good email programs are effective at keeping most spam email in your spam box. On websites, the good spam filters keep most of it out of the comments sections, but some still slips through (we probably delete about 50 spam comments every day here). Despite the filtering, deleting, and quarantining, there’s still a market for it, because it still works... sometimes.

However, the volume has to be high, and the margins are slim.

This is not a practical approach to use for meeting girls.

Nevertheless, sometimes men can fall into ‘spam approaching’ to meet their volume quotas (or simply because it’s the one thing they know to do).

There is a better way, however.

What to Do to Date Women from Different Social Scenes

women social scenes

“Why don’t these sorority girls like me?”

I asked myself that question for four years. At parties, I would see them hooking up with guys who I knew were not as attractive as me and were half as interesting, but here I was surrounded by guys who all looked, walked, and talked the same, and yet I was going home empty-handed. At first I thought it was a race thing. I am African American and Indian, the girls I was pursuing were Southern white women, but that wasn’t the case. I had black friends who were in frats that had no problems with sorority girls.

I graduated without figuring out why girls would rather go for a guy who’s just like the rest than a guy who’s different. It wasn’t until I had traveled the world and dated all types of backgrounds, did I realize what was keeping me from bedding these sorority girls.

The issue was that I wasn’t playing their game.

Think about this: these girls had invested thousands of dollars to be part of Greek life. They spent hours a week devoted to their sorority, and even more time talking about their group. Their sorority determined what they wore, how they talked, and who they dated.

So why would they choose to date a guy who wasn’t invested in that reality at all?

Nobody Owes You Nothin’

nobody owes you nothingIn a comment on my article “In Seduction, “You” Don’t Matter (But Her Emotions Do)”, a commenter who dubs himself ‘Enlightened’ left the following remark:

This article seems to suggest that women care more about what you can do for them and how those actions make them feel vs what they can do for you. It’s very much important about what they deduce they can get if they stick around with you. Is this correct? If so, how does this sentiment vary by country and across the world? If this is correct, then why should men pursue women at all when ultimately all he is to a woman is a talking dildo?

Now, in case you haven’t read this article or skimmed over the part Enlightened is referring to, my point was twofold – that:

  1. When people meet someone new, they evaluate him on value and attainability – essentially, how valuable does this new person appear to be, and how accessible is that value of his?

  2. Once someone has spent a longer period of time with another individual (say, perhaps, 80 to 100 hours?), he begins to form a real attachment to this person, and begins to want the best for him, care for him, and deeply understand and empathize with him – however, this connection is only formed with time; it is not instantaneous

Enlightened may have missed that latter part and only zeroed in on the part that raised his ire, so he may not necessarily be guilty of the following mindset. However, I have noticed there is a distinct minority of men who stumble onto this site (supposedly stumbling in here from places like Reddit, or some manner of MGTOW websites and forums) who think point #1 is totally unreasonable in all circumstances – at least, for other people.

They still judge others by the value they present to their lives, and how attainable those others are. However, they believe they themselves should be exempted from this.

That they are special, and entitled to special breaks from the rules they expect of others.

Mindsets like this are a product of a world replete with advertising and feel-good messages designed to make you feel like you deserve honor, respect, and everything your heart desires, merely for breathing. I rarely if ever encounter this mentality outside the West. However, it’s ubiquitous among the more radical elements of Western feminists, men’s rights advocates, and ‘men going their own way’.

In this post, I challenge you to break free from slavery to the mindset TV commercials, magazine ads, and now even much (most?) of the Western education system do their darnedest to instill in you, and to instead adopt the manliest, most liberating, most self-reliant mindset there is on Planet Earth:

Nobody owes you nothin’.

What Makes Winter a Tougher Time to Meet Girls

Hi there everyone. I hope you are all doing great. This post is about seasonal differences in pick up. I have mentioned in earlier posts (especially in the one about the 5 factors of successful pick up) that things such as HER mood and YOUR mood play a drastic role in seduction.

meet girls winter

If her mood is right, and she is feeling all happy and horny, getting laid will be way easier than if she isn’t really feeling it that day. Here are some examples of mental states she can be in where she will feel more open to having sex with you:

  • Horny (duh)

  • Open to meeting new people

  • Adventurous

Now, on the other hand, consider those more negative states – you will see that pulling off a lay will become much harder in these circumstances.

  • She’s on her period

  • She feels tired

  • She is pissed off

Similarly, your chances of getting laid will increase if you are feeling great – and there are many reasons for that:

  • You will have a stronger presence: i.e., everything you do will come across as more powerful, and you will get away with more (even when you are less calibrated)

  • You can become more ballsy: which helps, because many times we men sometimes lack the balls to do what has to be done

  • You will have more momentum and more drive: which will help you create more opportunities (by for example approaching more women)

Where I am currently living right now, in Scandinavia, winter has taken over. You might be from a different part of the world, where you never see any snow, never experience the eternal darkness and cold – if you live in such place, this post might not be for you, and honestly, I envy you for that.

Why Nice Guys are Boring to Women

nice guys boringRecently, a commenter asked a question about my article “12 Traits All Boring, Unsexy Nice Guys Have in Common” – he wanted to know, specifically, why these traits, beliefs, and behaviors are so boring to women:

Chase, I read your article about the 12 traits all boring, unsexy nice guys have. How do these traits in and of itself make a person boring? How does things like believing in karma or watching pundits make you boring? Is it possible that you could write about things men do that make them seem boring to women during conversation or in their actions? I don’t think you have that sort of list on this site.

In case it’s been a while since you read that article, here’s a quick recap of boring nice guy traits:

  1. He doesn’t mind waiting... and waiting...
  2. He wants points for being ‘nice’
  3. He gets upset when the world doesn’t play fair
  4. He believes in ‘justice’, ‘karma’, or ‘just desserts’
  5. He consumes a LOT of media
  6. He thinks women are victims of men
  7. He is extra soft, friendly, and gentle with women
  8. He doesn’t have any interests or passions
  9. He can’t understand why women want bad boys
  10. He thinks women don’t REALLY like sex
  11. He believes he must promise relationships to get sex
  12. He can’t believe any girl could want him JUST for sex

Here’s a thought though; read that list. Imagine a man with those 12 traits. Would you like to have a friend like that? Or would you better prefer a friend who is the opposite of that?:

  • A guy with a lot to do who doesn’t wait around for long
  • A guy who, if he is nice, expects nothing back for it
  • A guy who shrugs if the world doesn’t play fair, then gets back to work
  • A guy who believes you only get what you get, no ‘karma’ about it
  • A guy who isn’t overly plugged into popular media
  • A guy who thinks women and men complement each other
  • A guy who is playful and flirtatious with women
  • A guy with several real interests and passions
  • A guy who knows exactly why women like bad boys... he is one!
  • A guy who knows women love sex (or at least they love it with him)
  • A guy who doesn’t give a woman relationship until well after their first sex
  • A guy who believes women want to take advantage of him sexually

Man, that’s a couple of totally different human beings right there, isn’t it? Do you know which guy you want to be friends with? I know which guy I want to be friends with. It ain’t the nice guy.

Why do those ‘nice guy’ traits make a man so unappealing though?

In Seduction, “You” Don’t Matter (But Her Emotions Do)

her emotions matterIn a comment on my article about unclear value to a long-term girlfriend, a reader named Xander remarked as follows:

Can you believe that because of this I can never get a girl. I’m good looking guy, and I’ve been successful on college. I don’t write this because I think look and post bachelor title will get me girls, but because I try to seduce them, and because of this qualities they don’t like me. I’m not arrogant and have a lot of male friends. But girls don’t like me, and wouldn’t go on date with me to save their lives. Problem is that girls with lower ambitions wouldn’t go with be because of attainability, and girls who are a bit ambitious also don’t want, because they want someone less ambitious who they control and feel dominant around him. The biggest problem is my success at college, and my normal ambition to be good at my job and further education. So I can’t be their boyfriend because I equally want to provide me and them, or their lover because girls here clever guys treat like they don’t have a cock. Global crisis hit us and a lot of girls are in found provider mode, and they are too picky and only wants to date man who is completely same as they in all possible things. And as you know it’s impossible, they find one provider and eventually marry him. I realized that being good at science is one way ticket to auto-rejection.

Reading your article I realized that in all world women want compatible man, but here it is more than dramatic. Those are modern times and I think that women should be more flexible.

My problem is because I tried everything I could and did’t get results because of their ego. I know I shouldn’t but I started to really hate women because of their ego who is bigger than Mount Everest.

At one point I gave up from seduction, but this article tells me that maybe there is a chance. Please tell me Chase are there more things I can do or change so I could get better results? If you know some psychological books that treat problems about ego please tell me. Is there something in seduction I should focus more? I focused on social calibration and got a lot of male friends, but women still don’t like me because maybe I’m not calibrated enough, and for sure because they don’t like anyone who has evan a little bit value than they. Every answers, comments and critics are welcome.

While long-term value is definitely an important part of whether a woman is willing to stick around in a long-term relationship with you, its effect on actually lining up dates with women and getting them into bed is... murkier. That’s because it’s quite hard to sniff out your real, actual long-term value from a mere five or ten minutes of conversation.

So, while it might sound like Xander’s problem is the opposite that discussed in this article, where we talked about men who say women don’t want them because they aren’t valuable enough, in many ways it is in fact the same problem:

The man is focused on himself, the man... instead of on her, the woman.

The 5 Biggest Sticking Points of Advanced Seducers

This post is primarily for intermediate to advanced players, but it can also be useful for beginners (because they might also end up making some of the mistakes listed in this post).

This article is based on a note sheet from 2011 I found on my old computer yesterday. It was just a short note covering a few bullet points – things I had to remember when going out – i.e., covering my main sticking points back then.


Reading back, I can now see how these mistakes I made back then that were covered on this note sheet are mistakes I still occasionally make, but also mistakes I have seen many other experienced seducers make.

This post will cover those mistakes and how to handle the different issues at hand. That being said, this post is fit for everyone. because everything listed here are mistakes beginners also make.

However, I would say that intermediate to advanced players will get the most out of this post, as beginners have more important things to think about and work on – things that are more important for their success, such as:

The things listed in this post are 5 common mistakes good seducers make, oftentimes as a result of actually being attractive or “being good” with women. Have this in mind when you read this post and you will see what I mean. Without any further delays, let us jump straight into the good stuff.

Want Results Picking Up? You Need Quantity AND Quality

Does putting in the time to go out and practice picking up women guarantee you are going to get good? Not necessarily. Many can spend years upon years trying to further their seduction skills only to find they are doing nothing but spinning their wheels.

quality and quantity pick up

I find the saddest recurring theme among the seduction community is that of someone putting in the time but not making headway even years into this. I have witnessed strangers, acquaintances, and friends alike unable to puncture whatever ceiling they have hit; only able to get a certain level of girl or reaction after thousands of hours of working on this skill-set. It is absolutely heartbreaking to see this repeated over and over. So I am dedicating this post to helping those of you who find yourself stuck and helping you onto a new paradigm of what is possible.

Tactics Tuesdays: The Warm-Up Approach

In straightforward parlance, a ‘warm-up approach’ is an approach you make to get your social gears lubricated for a day or night meeting new women.

The warm-up approach is a simple concept to get one’s head around, but a lot of men still don’t use it. It’s one of the best tools out there though for beating approach anxiety and upping the consistency of your outings.

Want an easy way to defeat your fear of talking to strange women and work up the nerve to go say hi? Warm-up approach.

warm up approach

How about a simple way to make your days and nights out go from a range of “sometimes they’re great” to “sometimes I don’t talk to anybody at all”, to, instead, a much more consistent “they’re almost always pretty good”? Warm-up approach.

Or, a really easy way to build social momentum early on in the night at bars, lounges, nightclubs, and parties, while making early approaches you can then capitalize on later by reopening women you met before or leveraging the preselection and social proof you built earlier to meet new girls? Warm-up approach.

The warm-up approach is a terrifically handy device for nabbing all these benefits and a bunch more... and all you’ve got to do to do so is start using it.