Insights from the Mind of a Seducer | Girls Chase

Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

Tactics Tuesdays: Never Explain Yourself (to Women)

explain yourself
“Well, the reason is because…” Lots of guys explain themselves to women. But should you ever explain yourself to her?

Commenting on my article "She’ll Do What She Has to to Get What She Wants", a reader named Mr. Shark notes (emphasis added):

Hello, Chase

I noticed that girls start to ignore me when I explain myself. It kinda bothers me because when I screw up, its like... she is a human, why does not she care where I am coming from? I am sure that it can be done from position of strength just as from position of weakness.

I mean stuff like on Tinder, she asks me what am I looking for there. And I usually look at the girl and based on what I look for *with her*, I answer. And it usually goes downhill. So lately, just today actually, I said "well, I am not exactly looking for a scrabble partner, what about you?" and she sent me this 5 row long text with lots of stuff in it.

Or like, I had a girl in a social circle, it was going well with her over text, just had to ask her out but I wanted to see if she is single first because I did not know so we talked about how she only has one good friend and that its almost as hard to find a good, honest female friend as finding a great guy. And I asked what its like when she already has both. And she replied why do I assume she does. And I let it be there for the day, but then in the evening I sent her some bullshit, precise wording would be "Because that is the positive option, not having that would be negative. And you strikes me as a girl who would rather wait for the right guy rather than to be with a wrong one just to be with someone". And then, we met at campus, it was weird, it shifted to a nice conversation about school basically... kill me. This one I understand why it is bad, but sometimes, it just sucks. You misplan something and she seems bothered and you try to explain where you made the error but she does not care. All she cares about was the outcome and that I screwed up. And I guess the only option is to accept women are this way and simply not explain myself to them.


There are a lot of important realizations in this comment from Mr. Shark - I'll list them out:

  • As you explain yourself, a girl gets bored with and ignores you
  • She does not care about your (logical) explanations
  • If you swap out explaining with flirting, she'll get interested
  • She doesn't care about your reasons, only the outcome

Thus, the lesson of today's article is this:

Never, ever explain yourself to women.

At least not in a logical, boring, factual (or defensive) way.

Now, let me explain.

How to Be a Good Guy and Still Win Big

good guy
You don’t have to be a devil to do devilishly good with girls. Before you turn yourself into a bad guy to get good girls, there is another way...

It started with a late night conversation. I was sitting with a couple of close friends on the balcony, having a drink. I can’t recall what we were talking about, but somehow the conversation produced the following exchange:

Him: “Come on, you’re a good guy, Darius.”

Her: “Oh yeah, absolutely!”

Me: “No, I’m not. At least I’m not like that around women.”

Him: “Why?”

Me: “I don’t know. But I’m definitely not!”

Him: “That’s kinda messed up.”

Me: “Well, that’s how I am.”

(Strangely, I remember having some weird, misguided pride in this.)

This conversation happened about a year ago – I replicated it the best I could – and even though I didn’t give it much thought at the time, over the following year it led me on a path of self-examination and discovery.

There were two specific things that came to bother me about the way I responded in that conversation:

  • First, why would I get so defensive about being referred to – and seen as – a “good guy” by my close friends?

  • Second, even though it was true that I behaved differently around women than I did around my close friends, I wanted to know why, especially since I’m more interested in romantic relationships than one night stands – and relationships require a real connection to be worth anything.

In other words, I wanted to know why I had the belief that being a “good guy” is somehow inferior and, more importantly, was it true? On top of that, given that being a “good guy” is something that comes to me naturally, I wanted to see if I can embrace this side of my personality and still achieve my romantic goals.

Turns out the answer to the latter is an astounding “Yes!” And with this article, my goal is to show you how.

But before we go there, we’ll need to cover some foundational concepts, including what it means to be “a good guy,” whether everyone should aspire to be one, and some common pitfalls and other things to watch out for.

We’ll start by identifying who will benefit from this article the most.

How to Get Comfortable with Female Sexuality

female sexuality
One of the big struggles for men who are waking up on women is getting comfortable with female sexuality. How do you do it?

One of the more challenging mental hurdles for the active dater can be overcoming his feelings about female sexuality. This is most true for men who’ve grown up bombarded with messages about female purity, chastity, and the like.

Even in our present society, with ‘slut walks’, Femen, rape culture, and Sex and the City, men still grow up confused with female sexuality. On the one hand, men are told women have the right to sexual liberation without judgment from men. On the other hand, if a man talks to any individual woman and broaches the subject of sexuality, she’ll often react with disgust and offense and tell him no, of course she doesn’t do that or isn’t into this.

This leads lots of men to an, ”Oh, that’s just TV,” mentality, where women behave sexually liberal on TV and in the movies, yet sexually chaste in real life.

Some part of most guys knows that there’s some kind of deception going on here; either the TV is lying and women are all chaste angels, or women themselves are lying and they’re not (and he just isn’t in on the action).

Yet a guy can go his whole life without ever pulling the tarp back on this sexual misdirection... Until he starts to succeed more with girls.

And then, everything changes.

10 Ways Guys Waste Time In-Venue (and Don’t Meet Girls)

waste time in bars
Do you go out to meet girls, but just waste time? Here are the 10 most common ways guys twiddle thumbs instead of collect digits.

Think about the last time you went out to meet girls: did you waste any time?

Did you waste a lot of time?

Of that last outing of yours, how much time did you actually spend meeting women, versus... Not meeting women?

This isn’t to say you need to be an approach machine. And it’s perfectly fine, healthy, and normal to go out with friends just to go out with friends, or even to go to the bar just to have a drink and be around people. But if your objective is to meet women, there are a lot of ways you can waste time... And a lot of ways you can turn a promising night into a big, fat zero.

This article’s primarily aimed at picking up girls in bars and clubs, but much of the advice in here is applicable to day game as well (and I’ll use day game examples along with night game ones).

So, if you want to be more aware of things you do to procrastinate and delay, instead of meet your future naked bedmate, here are 10 of the most egregious ones guys are guilty of.

Preselection: The Deadliest Style of Game

You can use preselection to “trade up” with girls in a venue. In this way, you go from “cute” girls, to “hot” ones… To outright stunners.

What is preselection?

For those of you who are new to Girls Chase, think of it like this. If a stranger walked up to you and asked you for a favor, would you be more likely to do it if the guy was seemingly homeless or was wearing a suit and tie?

In a way, the same thing is true for women when it comes to attraction. Girls are looking for proof that you are a guy who is good with women (aka a man of value), and what better evidence of that is there than you being seen around other attractive women?

There are enough articles on this subject, so I will not bore you veterans with the details. If this is the first time you’ve come across this concept, all you need to know is that for those top tier women, being a guy who is great with women is paramount to getting them.

My game hinges on this idea. When I am out trying to take a girl home, it is my job to manufacture this so I can cash out on the hottest girl I possibly can. By the end of the night, I ideally want everyone to love me and every girl to be attracted to me – and when the time is right, choose my ideal girl out of the lot, and take her. Welcome to the deadliest style of game.

Switch Off the “Social You” and Get the Girl

social you
Some guys are too polite for their own good. This over-politeness is called the “social you” – and you have to unlearn it to do better with girls.

Our good friend Hector has written about the Divine Comedy, relaying a clear vision of life as a "big play." In his article, he explained that “There is no you” and that “You can be anyone,” which means the way you act depends on the social circumstances at the given moment.

There is the at-work you, the at-the-gym you, and various other modes of you... and the current you is able to evolve.

In this article I’m going to apply that theory to a specific “you” that exists and keeps lots of guys from casting out lines in public areas: the Social You (or the “SY” as we’ll call it from here on out).

Optimize Your Nervous System (and Gain State Control)

optimize nervous system
How good are you at using what’s in your brain? Fight-or-flight responses in social situations are common – yet you’re not bound to them.

Most pick-up theory is not well informed about the workings of the brain and the nervous system, which causes many guys to severely underperform in terms of their social state control. The author has studied this topic from both theoretical and practical angles for years and would like to share his experience on this issue.

In pick-up theory, state is used as a description of both the mental state and the resulting physical state of a person. Field reports often mention how the “state” of those involved changes during an evening or day out. “State” can more or less be used synonymously with “mood.”

State is an extremely important factor in one’s ability to perform seduction, in that the results of a given action will be heavily dependent on the mood of the person performing it – for obvious reasons. Your mood can be said to be the sum of your earlier interactions, and if your mood is bad, it means that the world has treated you badly – hardly a turn-on. Conversely, a stable, good mood will tell a history of being treated well by the world. And those who are constantly able to stay in a stable, good mood, no matter how bad the situation is, will be looked up to.

In evolutionary terms, your mood is a fitness indicator similar to looking physically healthy. Controlling your mood is therefore of utmost importance in nearly any social setting – and this is what “state control” refers to.

The Fuzzy World of Social Status

fuzzy social status
Social status is ‘fuzzy’. That is, you often don’t know exactly where you rank compared to someone else. There are good reasons for this.

Social status is a very fuzzy thing.

On the one hand, you may have clear social status within a specific group. You may clearly be the alpha male of the group (Male #1), the beta male (Male #2), or the gamma male (Male #3), and enjoy the privileges of those high ranks: interested women, respect from men, pride and recognition. Or you may be in the middle. Or even the omega male of the group... The guy who makes up the opposite bookend of the group from the alpha male.

But now step away from the social group we just talked about, and join a different social group. And in this new group, you have no idea what your social status is. You clearly aren’t the alpha here, even if you were the alpha in the old group. But you clearly aren’t the omega, either, even if you were the omega in the old group.

Indeed, you may participate in 10 different social groups, and have different positions within the hierarchies of each one. Alpha in these two, beta in these three, gamma in that one. Maybe you’re the omega in one group – perhaps you just started tennis class, and everyone there is way better than you and knows each other well, and you can’t even hit the ball yet and feel like you do not belong.

Within a social group, the social status of the bookend individuals is clear. Everybody knows who the alpha is, and everybody knows who the omega is. Yet between these roles, it’s much less clear. Are you the beta (#2) male and your buddy is the gamma (#3) male? Or is it the other way around? He’s beta and you’re gamma?

We’re going to talk about these and other measures of the fuzziness of social status in this article.

So, if you’re ready for a little bit of a spun head, buckle in and let’s make you dizzy.

Are You Spinning Yourself? (Almost Certainly)

spinning yourself
Spin is used to influence how others think about things. But are you using spin on your own thoughts? Odds are, you are – and it risks sabotaging you.

Some of my greatest teachers in seduction were my coworkers in car sales. In a world in which they were highly distrusted, they were still able to finagle hundreds of thousands of dollars from unassuming customers.

I personally do not condone some of the tactics I was taught, and I probably would not teach most of them for morality’s sake. But a few ideas and concepts were definitely worth teaching, and there is one in particular I would like to share with you today.

That particular technique is the technique called “spinning”; or, “taking off the market.”

How to Reduce or Eliminate Rejection by Girls

eliminate rejection
You can reduce or eliminate rejection with a few simple adjustments. #1, test the water first. #2, approach in passing – and get rejected in passing too.

Hey guys. I hope you are doing great. I have had the luxury of time to head out regularly again. And whenever this happens, I tend to make observations – sometimes new ones – and sometimes I might be reminded of some interesting phenomenon requiring reflection.

This post, along with my upcoming posts, will be more practical. So I hope you ain’t dropping the field just because of the cold weather, because it is time to get practical... and hopefully you will get dirty.

This time I will discuss some dynamics when it comes to opening in clubs and bars. There are many step-by-step processes one might follow and different ways of opening (the never-ending discussion between direct and indirect opening) that all have their pros and cons.