Socializing

I’m not going to beat around the bush, I’m a funny guy. I do stand-up comedy for fun. I’m the guy who leaves his friends and family in stitches. Being funny has both helped and hurt me with women. Humor helped me because I win over her friends with ease, I have some great openers, and I can use it to diffuse awkward situations.

But that same humor has led to me receiving more tests, not being taken seriously, being the entertainer and not the lover, and on more than a few occasions it has bought me a one-way ticket to the friend zone.

What I have come to realize about using humor with women is that you need to know when and how to use it to get her to go home with you. So here is my breakdown of how to be a funny guy that still gets laid.

I’ve recently been talking about fundamentals that help you get your foot into the club scenes, whether it be having the right light-hearted approach, or introducing your personality in a way that embraces the challenges brought on by the club scene.

Here I want to talk about how you really should be merging your persona with your activities when out in public.

First off, let me say, yes, there is a certain stigma and social pressure put on ANYBODY who is active socially in public. People might view you outrageous, unfairly privileged, amoral, or even shame you for being outgoing.

Sometimes, just for waving at a person, someone else may see you as arrogant; or for having a sex life, people can think you “unrealistic” or “irresponsible”; and for being proud of your growth you will face snickers from people that think a man who self improves is “weak” for admitting he is not already perfect.

It is easy to feel uncertain about yourself when any of these judgements are circling you. It can feel like if you make a mistake people are going to make it worse and it will destroy your image.

You will FEEL a resistance to becoming part of any scene because of this feeling of doubt and indecision. And it is natural to close up and think “Well, IF I act conservative enough, then I’ll slip through undetected”. However, for most people, even though they TRY to not get caught out, the fact is, sometimes you just are.

My solution?

Personal integrity.

You’re at a night school class you share with a pretty girl you’ve had your eye on. The semester’s only halfway through, yet you have a feeling this girl likes you, and you like her too. You’ve chatted a few times, and sometimes you sit near her or next to her, but not always.

One evening, your class lets out and she takes a long time to gather her belongings. Coincidentally (or not), two of you head out at the same time. You strike up a conversation with her on the way out, and she’s responsive, but the conversation quickly stalls out. She seems happy but nervous. You feel like she’s waiting for something. Then you think how awkward it would be if you asked her out and she said no, and now you’ve got to keep coming back to this class and it’d really suck if there was an awkward vibe between you and this girl you like.

So, you tell her well, anyway, you guess you’d better get going, and you peel off and head to your car. On the way home, you kick yourself for not asking her out.

There are some men out there this kind of thing never happens to – if they get a shot with a girl, they take it. They can’t even understand why this would even be a problem for guys.

For most guys though, this is something they’ve had happen once or twice (or thrice... or four times... or more times).

The difference between the man this doesn’t happen to, and the man it does, quite often, comes down to a difference in their general and specific social aptitudes.

We have so far covered many aspects of dance floor seduction:

1. Dance game foundations
2. Warming up on the dance floor
3. Dance floor target selection
4. Opening on the dance floor
5. Building attraction on the dance floor
6. Physical escalation on the dance floor

In the two previous posts, we discussed escalation and attraction building on the dance floor. Escalation, although powerful, is not that simple - there are certain pitfalls you can face, and we will be addressing the following three of those today:

• Her friends cockblocking

• Her not feeling comfortable being touched publicly (afraid of how others will judge her)

• Her need of you being accepted by her friends

We address these issues by first learning how to deal with her friends on the dance floor, and then learning how to isolate her when the time was right.

General resistance, either caused by anti-slut defense or lack of attraction, is the topic we will be dealing with next week.

I messed up…

In a social circle where the stakes were high I failed to be discreet. No, I didn’t go blab about what happened, but instead, due to too much alcohol consumed, I failed to isolate and we were noticed.

But an interesting thing happened:

Despite a couple of women from that circle seeing us and this being the gossip of the year, my indiscretion didn’t reach the ears of parties that could’ve blown the whole situation out of proportion and make my life truly difficult.

Those smart ladies decided to make a better call than I did and keep my little secret. Would you like to guess why?

Well,

Keeping the social circle healthy in general was definitely one of them, but one crucial piece of the puzzle was that they, consciously or not, decided that they didn’t want me to be kicked out of it.

You see, until that moment, despite openly being a sexual man and with my image and actions clearly communicating that I prefer a promiscuous lifestyle, I still acted within my code of standards that I talked about in my last article and in general wasn’t a social risk.

On the contrary, a sexual, attractive man who is smart about the way he does his thing can actually be a very valuable asset in a social circle.

In other words, my reputation saved my ass in that situation.

With this article I’d like to help you understand the benefits of having the right reputation within a social circle and afterwards we’ll cover how to develop your reputation as a sexual man so it works for you, instead of against you.

One of the most destructive limiting beliefs that holds back many men is that having a promiscuous lifestyle in which one sleeps with beautiful women seems somehow morally wrong. To them, it seems that there’s something wrong with being attracted to someone and desiring passionate sex with them.

It sounds silly when I put it like this, yet, unfortunately, in our minds this limiting belief rarely takes form as a simple, straightforward statement like this. If it did, getting rid of it would be easy.

No, instead it’s usually much more deceptive, and the result is that we find ourselves ashamed of our desires... we restrain ourselves from openly hitting on her and being sexual because we are afraid of public scrutiny, and when things don’t go our way, like she doesn’t reciprocate the attraction, just like a child who did something wrong, we feel the need to run back to our safe place.

The reasons why so many of us developed this unconscious belief that being sexual is wrong are diverse, but in most cases it boils down to social pressure to meet some very outdated norms.

But what if instead we operated in a manner so that deep down we knew that we were doing the right thing by trying to seduce her; by showing our sexual side? What if we knew that by leading the interaction towards sex we were also leading ourselves towards mutual happiness (or at least a happier state)?

Well,

Let me tell you that it’s liberating to play your part in the dance of seduction knowing consciously and unconsciously that you’re doing the right thing. Even more so, it does open up new doors, especially in social game.

Sadly, I can’t give you a surefire, step-by-step approach on how to overcome this limiting belief and instill in you a new one – every situation is unique and every man’s journey towards this goal will be different.

What I can do, is set you in the right direction by helping you establish a set of personal rules that you believe in: ones that will make sure that as long as you will abide them you will be true to yourself and in your mind you will be doing the right thing.

As I was slicing the lime I could hear them going “Mmm…” in a satisfied, flirty manner and then get giddy between themselves. Were they checking my butt while I was preparing the drinks?

Probably.

But who can blame those pretty ladies – skinny jeans were working their magic and I’m fine with being objectified, at least in this manner.

But this article is not about skinny jeans.

You see, over the years I’ve experimented with and picked up quite a few hobbies that in one way or the other helped improve my romantic life. Learning about men’s style helped me transform my appearance, learning to dance (particularly afro-latin dances) helped with leading, touching, and making her wet on the dance floor...

And developing bartending skills not only made the line “come over to my place, you really need to try my legendary mojitos” that much more effective, but also somehow ended up improving my social life (don’t worry, I’ll explain later).