Socializing | Girls Chase

Socializing

Meeting, getting to know, and generally hobnobbing with the people you meet throughout a lifetime of travels and adventures.

How to Set Boundaries Other People Respect

how to set boundaries
If you want to be respected, you must set boundaries. But how do you set these, without looking reactive, defensive, or weak?

A former student of mine asked:

Hey, Denton, how do you balance being grounded and not being affected by others while also not being weak, a pushover, or being seen as passive?

How can you assert boundaries without appearing reactionary? When your girlfriend is acting up, you cannot possibly ignore her. If a guy is aggressively crossing the line, you cannot simply stand by. What is one to do?

These are great questions! And they are often a source of dilemma for many guys.

Well, I find the biggest misunderstanding is the huge difference between being grounded and being passive.

If You Want to Get Good, Shut Up and Listen

shut up and listen
There are tons of great dating and self-improvement advice to turn yourself into a slick Casanova. But how many guys actually listen?

The inspiration for this article came from reading the Girls Chase forums, where I’ve noticed various flame wars initiated over the years by certain users who ask a detailed question about how to improve an aspect of their dating lives. The user then receives superb advice from fellow members who come with various levels of experience and angles... but the user doesn’t just ignore the angles presented, he flat-out rejects them.

Other concerned members step in and suggest that the user honestly consider the advice with an open mind – most importantly, to try it out before dismissing it.

In many cases, the advice has something to do with an obvious fundamental barrier that the asker is simply unwilling to explore. He thinks the issue isn’t important, or that it doesn’t apply to him, so he continues to ignore it, remains open only to the answers he came to hear, and eventually the discussion fizzles after everyone bails out of frustration.

Then, months later, the same forum user returns, asks the same question, and proceeds to reject the advice he is given – again. The cycle repeats.

Our friend remains in his bubble, static, unmoved, destined to repeat the same failures over and over again until he learns his lesson some other way – most likely the hard way – or never at all. That’s his choice. It's a conniving paradox. At his disposal is an invaluable resource – a group of like-minded men who will undoubtedly help him accelerate his goals. His inability to just shut up, open his mind, and trust the advice of experienced teachers and peers render his efforts practically futile.

It boggles the mind. How is a student able to judge good advice? How can a student know that a particular piece of advice is not at all applicable to him? How can someone who is seeking knowledge close his mind when multiple, experienced, well-intentioned peers are telling him the same thing?

5 Effective Ways to Pick Up Girls with a Wingman

pick up girls with a wingman
Five (5) of the best ways to pick up girls with a wingman: the Two Buddies approach, the Leader-Follower approach, plus 3 more.

Six years ago I shared with you the 10 rules of great wingmanship. I covered some strategies for wingmanning there as well. But mostly stuck to dos and do nots.

However, we’ve talked about wingmanning a lot less than it deserves on Girls Chase. Going out with a wingman is fantastic for a lot of reasons:

  • It puts you in a more social mood
  • It gives you instant social proof to work with
  • A likeminded buddy will help make you more resilient
  • And a friend like this can lend you an assist (and vice versa)

One of the biggest reasons, too, is the ‘click’ advantage the two-man approach can give you. Because let’s face it, no matter how good you get, there will always be some girls you do not click with. When you’re with a wingman, you don’t have to click with every girl.

Meet a pair of girls with one girl who likes you but one who does not? It’s fine – the girl who doesn’t like you does like your friend. She’ll tolerate her friend going for you (unless she really dislikes you!), so long as your friend goes for her.

Meet a trio of girls, and one girl matches your energy, but the other two have a completely different energy? No problem – your wingman (or wingmen) matches the other girls’ energy, and gets along with them great.

Yet if you don’t use good wingman form, it’ll all be for naught. You’ll step on your buddy’s toes, he’ll step on yours, and you’ll make each other look bad instead of good. You’ll go for the wrong girls, or accidentally go for each other’s girls when you shouldn’t, or fail to support one another when support is needed.

To make sure you don’t fall prey to wingman miscues, you need strategy – you need a way you both agree on to team up to get girls. And to that end, I’ve put together five (5) of the most effective wingman strategies I’ve used or witnessed other wingman pairs use. These approaches are guaranteed to scoop girls off the pavement (or the barroom floor) and into your respective beds.

To kick off the article, we’ll start with the approach that is, to my mind, the classic wingman model: the Two Buddies approach.

How to Get Past the Bouncer (and Get into the Club)

get past the bouncer
To get past the bouncer and make it into the nightclub, mind the 5 aspects of the GET IN club entry system: girls, expenses, trouble, + 2 more.

The worst club entry experience I’ve had was at a place in Las Vegas. I found myself stuck outside the venue, pushed to the side, while everyone else in line – who’d gotten there much later than I had – was allowed to march right in past me. I was dressed well (better than many of the people who got in) and looked good. But I’d made the fatal mistakes of getting there too early, and talking to a poorly dressed, low status guy in line... And the bouncer exiled me to the side of the queue as a result. After standing to the side watching other people march in for twenty minutes, I finally stooped to bribing the bouncer to get in – something I’d never done before and haven’t done since.

After this incident, back home in San Diego, I made getting into the clubs I wanted a priority. I picked up a VIP card that let me cut the lines at most of the venues in town. I rolled with people who knew people. And I went out of my way to befriend bouncers and club staff again, something I’d neglected since my early days in clubbing.

Before long, my outings often consisted of the opposite of that Las Vegas experience. Throngs of other club-goers would be stuck in a slow-moving queue as I marched past them, flashed my ID at the bouncer, and stepped right in. Some of those club-goers – girls especially seemed to hate watching me get in while they had to wait – would yell about fairness, or spoiled elites, or how assholes like me needed to wait in line like the rest of ‘em. And I’d just chuckle and bear these folks no ill will, because I’d been in their positions plenty of times before.

If you enjoy the nightlife regularly, in any major metropolis, entering the club will be a major concern of yours. So today, we’re going to cover all the various ways you can gain entry, or even skip the cover charge, and not have to worry about getting stuck outside.

Why Silent Men are Sexy Men

power of silence
Your silence speaks volumes. But you don’t just need to use it to be serious; you can use it to increase sexual tension, for better communication, for humor, and more.

It’s where everything started and it is where everything will return to.

Silence is the sweetest sound in the universe. It is the language of God in purest form.

And you aren’t using it properly.

In the past, we’ve covered how to avoid saying something stupid by talking less. We’ve also covered how to use the pregnant pause. I also intend to write some pieces on concision and replacing words with non-verbals whenever possible; but for now, I simply want to talk about how and when to be quiet, and why it is so powerful.

How to Do Seductive Listening in Chats with Women

seductive listening
You can’t always be talking non-stop with her. So when it’s your turn to listen to a girl, how do you do so in a seductive way?

After sharing 8 long, detailed articles on sexual tension and closing it all off with an illustrative report, I originally planned to move on to another topic. But apparently – and this was kind of expected – some of you guys brought up some good questions that need answering.

I also stated in my last post on sexual tension that, even though I kind of closed off the project, I would share more insights if something popped up. Well, your good questions have made those “insights” pop up, so thanks again to all of you reading and leaving questions. Your contributions not only make my task as a writer easier, they also ensure my posts actually fit the audience’s desires. Win-win indeed. So thank you again, guys.

A commentator named Mike asked the following question:

Hey there Alek, really great article. This kind of reports help tremendously much to show sometimes a bit abstract sounding ideas and techniques in an actual motion.

I got a question: could you elaborate a little more on the topic of seductive listening? I'm not sure I understand that concept correctly. You state that just sitting and nodding isn’t sexy at all. But from the next paragraph where you actually describe your seductive listening thing, it basically sounds the same as just listening and nodding to me, just in a lesser frequency. What’s the difference between those two? How do you execute this without coming out as not really giving shit about what she has to say? Thanks!

In my report, I did use the technique called “seductive listening.” I haven’t written any posts specifically about this subject, as I thought the report would be enough, but I can now see that I was wrong, so I will dedicate this post to this subject by clarifying what it means to be a seductive listener.

Before I begin, I want to give all credit to 60 Years of Challenge, the pioneer of this technique.

Girls Adore Homoerotic Men

homoerotic
Homoerotic humor is a turn-on for women. How far must you take it (and must you be gay yourself) to reap its benefits?

As I recently caught up with a friend over the phone, he told me about a recent break-up with a girl. Apparently, he “accidentally” got into a relationship with her. This girl was quite hot and probably the prize in many a man’s eye. The entire time he told me about how it happened and how it ended, neither of us could stop laughing.

Why?

Because he’s gay.

Like, very, very gay. Nipple-piercings level gay.

You wouldn’t think it when you first met him. He’s a very dominant, tall, and muscular black guy who would give almost any natural or pickup artist I know a good run for his money. His social skills come from a variety of backgrounds. He was a college athlete who grew up and went to school in a very conservative, Southern town in the United States. Being black, he endured some racial tensions that minorities can pretty exclusively call their troubles. He’s had guns pulled on him by cops for no reason and gotten into quite a few fights over the color of his skin.

Experiences like that will toughen you. Moreover, he had to hide the fact that he was gay and play it straight for most of his life. Being black was tough enough where he’s from; if he’d come out of the closet, he would have found himself in a ridiculously difficult situation. So he put up the act, but being removed from genuine pleasure, his adversity was doubled.

Ironically, his emotional distance from his identity made him quite desirable to women. He didn’t want to bang the girls he’d hit on and approached, and he’d often rebuff the advances of women. Not knowing he was gay, these women would wonder why he didn’t want them.

So, they’d chase. They’d chase hard.

Girls waiting for him naked in his room, girls begging for him to impregnate them, groups of girls trying to gangbang him, etc.

He was truly unattainable, even with girlfriends that he eventually took to keep up his act. And even those girls would be left wondering why he didn’t want to have sex with them.

For the women, his standards seemed so high, they couldn’t even see the ceiling. This intrigued them.

So his skills with women grew, even though he didn’t want them to. He learned how to make friends, seduce women, be the center of attention, all while he played in quite a decent athletic league (he was invited by a professional team of his sport to try out for a spot).

Dominant, competitive, socially attuned, friendly, fun…

But still gay.

He eventually did jump out of the closet and move to the city I met him in. We became the closest of friends and would often go out together, either in the straight parts of town or at the homo-hangouts.

And women were always drawn to him, especially when he told them he was gay.

Now, you may be wondering how he got this girlfriend?

He met her through one of his party social circles. She would always flirt with him, but being gay, he never took any of it too seriously. They’d party together and even sleep in the same bed together. Over time, he got the sense that maybe she wanted some of his chocolate. But, he wasn’t too attracted… cuz, well, he likes dick.

Then one night, he got super drunk while out with her. When they returned to his apartment, they jumped into the bed together. While lying there and feeling a bit roused up but without any guys to fulfill himself with, he casually asked her if she wanted to fool around. She excitedly said yes. She then gave him the best head of his life (even better than any other guy, too, allegedly; he told me how ridiculous that is, because guys know what feels good, and therefore give epic blowjobs), and he, surprisingly, got hard. So, he smashed.

Strangely enough, he liked it. They kept smashing. Multiple times a day, multiple times a week.

He told her that this was only a fun, casual thing, because, uh, he’s gay.

She agreed. All in good fun.

Of course, we know how that went, don’t we? He lays the good dick, isn’t emotionally needy in any way, and is having fun? The perfect concoction for cock addiction.

She got hella addicted. She would incessantly text him. They’d hangout all the time. Shag all the time. While out together, she would hold his hand and hang over him like a girlfriend. And once, when he inadvertently – and totally unintentionally – made her feel unloved, she tried to make him jealous by grinding on some other guy (which he found funny because he was more jealous of her grinding on the guy, not the guy for dry humping her).

That’s when he finally realized how far he’d accidentally fallen into a relationship.

He eventually had to cut her off when she pushed for a relationship (and even had to swat off her attempts at reconciliation; e.g., “We can go back to just fucking, that’s fine!”).

Like I said, hilarious. I mean, I feel for the girl, but still funny as hell.

He went back to dudes and realized that he was still definitely gay.

But after hearing this story, I knew I had to finally write this article. Too good of a story.

What I’ll cover here is why women find gay men attractive and how you can apply these traits and homoeroticism in general to your interactions with women… and men. (There was a somewhat relevant article posted way back in the day by a guest poster, Sarah Williams, that everyone hated for no reason at all. It was accurate and insightful. I call bitterness. Hopefully this goes better.)

Note: no, I’m not saying you should consider shagging dudes or becoming bisexual in any way. I’m just going to explain what’s attractive about being flirty with other men (or intimate, if you choose to explore). And yes, while the increased acceptance and quantity of homosexuality in a society has been correlated with looser morals and, eventually, the fall of civilizations, it has been a part of successful and powerful human histories as well. From heroes like King David and Hercules to conquerors like Alexander the Great, male-to-male intimacy has been shown not to diminish one man’s ambition or prowess. Even baller guys like James Dean were suspected of being bisexual. In many societies, homoeroticism (not necessarily speaking of male-to-male penetration) was largely accepted (e.g., Athens, Sparta, etc.) It didn’t stop them from kicking ass on a spectacular scale. That said, I don’t exactly expect the Manosphere-boys to pour through this one without a cringe or two.

So let me clarify: I am not promoting homosexuality (though neither am I condemning it), but I am lauding the seductive power of homoeroticism.

Let’s get to it, shall we?

7 Reasons People Will Try to Tool You

people tool you
People will tool you for a variety of reasons. You don’t belong, you’re a soft target, you’re a threat to a member... and other excuses.

"Hey dude, nice hair! Did you cut that yourself? Ha ha ha!"

"Hey man, can you move over? You're taking up too much room."

"Excuse me bro, but your girl is seriously cute. How long have you known each other?"

Whether it's in the schoolyard, the nightclub, the public bus, or the office, other people trying to tool you is a mondo bother. Your threat radar should have perked up going through those lines above. They state a guy's intentions to rain on your parade... And whether you see him as a threat or not, you're going to have to deal with him one way or another.

Now, note right up front: this article is not about HOW to handle threats like this; for that, see the articles below. In these, I've given you a full complement of tools to dispose of challengers like this in a split:

Rather, what this article is about is what causes challengers like this to swarm over to you.

What incites them to veer off of whatever it is they were doing, and come approach you... Whether to feel you out, test you for weakness, or even launch a full on social or romantic assault against you.

Because once you identify the primary reasons other people try to tool you, you may then take steps to avoid the need to even deal with these disruptions in the first place.

So, I present to you the seven (7) reasons people will try to tool you... And what steps to take to discourage them from trying.

In we go.

How to be a Hard Target, Pt. III: Social Vultures

hard target
Women aren’t the only ones who will take you for a ride. Men do it too. Find out how to not get suckered by conniving crooks.

Welcome the third installment in the ‘hard target’ series.

In the first installment, I covered how to be a hard targeting dater, and not get taken for a ride by girls who only want to use you as a friend, meal ticket, network connection, or source of validation.

In Part II, I detailed how to be a hard target in your relationships, and avoid girls who will use you just to rebound, gold-dig, leapfrog over you socially and romantically, or suck the life out of you while they pretend to be in-need.

In this article, we leave dating aside and look at two-timers in general. Not just dates and girlfriends, but anyone you’ll meet in any context. Friends, business contacts, extended family members. How do you make yourself someone who’s hard to take advantage of?

As with the other installments, we’ll look at who the people who seek to take advantage of you are. And I’ll give you a few ways to firm up your sides and be unassailable to these types of folks.

10 Ways Guys Waste Time In-Venue (and Don’t Meet Girls)

waste time in bars
Do you go out to meet girls, but just waste time? Here are the 10 most common ways guys twiddle thumbs instead of collect digits.

Think about the last time you went out to meet girls: did you waste any time?

Did you waste a lot of time?

Of that last outing of yours, how much time did you actually spend meeting women, versus... Not meeting women?

This isn’t to say you need to be an approach machine. And it’s perfectly fine, healthy, and normal to go out with friends just to go out with friends, or even to go to the bar just to have a drink and be around people. But if your objective is to meet women, there are a lot of ways you can waste time... And a lot of ways you can turn a promising night into a big, fat zero.

This article’s primarily aimed at picking up girls in bars and clubs, but much of the advice in here is applicable to day game as well (and I’ll use day game examples along with night game ones).

So, if you want to be more aware of things you do to procrastinate and delay, instead of meet your future naked bedmate, here are 10 of the most egregious ones guys are guilty of.