Socializing

Meeting, getting to know, and generally hobnobbing with the people you meet throughout a lifetime of travels and adventures.

Tactics Tuesdays: 110 Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior


Comporting oneself well, removing tics, fidgets, and other nervous gestures, and giving oneself a general bearing of a man of breeding and distinction are some of the foundations of good fundamentals, no matter what identity you strive to embody.

How to Get Started When You’re Socially Hopeless


When I decided to start gunning hard for significantly improved social skills in 2004, that was when I had to come to grips with how hopelessly miserable my current social skills were, and how hopelessly far behind I was socially compared to everybody else.

Some part of me enjoyed being the total outsider, because I enjoyed the independence of the man apart, the one cut off from society. I figured this would make my eventual triumph all the more poetic. It was only when I set about trying to bring that triumph about that I came to realize it would be even tougher than I’d estimated.

socially hopeless

What I quickly discovered was that even some of the most basic social rules were alien to me. What do people talk about? How do they join conversations and move between groups? How do they not trip over their own feet socially and look dumb and find themselves excluded?

I’d already developed a good wit and the ability to tell an entertaining story by that point, so I wasn’t flying completely blind. But general conversation – interacting with other human beings in a setting in which I was not the guy on stage, cracking jokes or spinning stories or showing off my musical talents, was unknown to me. And was most human interaction... I couldn’t lean on jokes or tales or busting out freestyles to help there.

So, this one goes out to the social newbs, starting off hopelessly behind everybody else, realizing the rest of mankind has a 10+ year head start on them in learning how to socialize.

Let me tell you what I did, and give you some suggestions about what you can do.

The Divine Comedy: Can You See Past the Performance?


Leaning forward on the counter, I listen intently to a friend of mine in the midst of a party. Her name is Ashley. We’d fooled around a few times and would often talk about having sex, but she’d always play a bit too hard to get or I’d get bored and move on to other bitties. We also shared a seductive annoyance at each other’s cockiness and respective bitchiness.

divine-comedy

We discuss the recurring topic of our attraction for each other and the games we play to express it. I then joke about the absurdity of every social situation and how most people just act out the version of reality they tell themselves must be true (see, I talk to girls about more than just sex... sometimes).

She lightly teases me, “It always seems like you’re so calculating...”

“Is that right?”

“Yeah, I can see the gears turning in your head.”

“Am I that obvious?”

“Well no, but most people aren’t as perceptive as me.”

See? Cocky. She was also very direct, either blatantly spilling her mind or feeding you lies draped in sardonicism. So, I definitely crushed on her. I mean, we had so much in common.

We continue sharing ideas about all the charades people put on in social situations. As we talk, a girl passes by us to get some beer from the fridge. Ashley scans the girl up and down, then looks at me, pointing to the girl, squints, then mouths to me, “Who is that?”

I shake my head and shrug. Seeing that I don’t know, she looks back at the girl. Then she plops down from her perch on the counter and pours herself a drink near the fridge. The girl’s eyes and body are turned from my friend, so Ashley takes the opportunity to scan the girl closely. Though she stares harder than your average creep at a club, there’s a calmness and curiosity to it that makes it natural.

Then, as the girl turns towards her, Ashley widens her eyes and subdues her body language by shrinking her shoulders and nodding down slightly so that she has to look up to make eye contact. An instant transition from “shameless staring” to “politely submissive”.

“Hey, I’ve never seen you before. I’m Ashley,” she says to the girl, extending her hand.

The girl turns towards my friend and they shake hands. A few brief exchanges later and Ashley comes back.

I chide her, “I saw the gears turning in your eyes, too. Everything about that was so... mechanical.”

She laughs and gives an impish smile of guilt.

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Isolate a Girl Away from Her Friends


If you read the articles on here (and especially if you read Alek’s articles – he discusses this one regularly), you’ve no doubt come across the tactic of isolation.

The word isolation describes the act or state of being cut off or removed from others. That might sound like something nefarious, but its use here is far more practical:

Isolation is the art of getting a girl away from her friends, from people who know her, or from people in general, so that you and her can get to know one another more privately and ramp up the connection between you.

how to isolate a girl

This is obviously most applicable in social venues (bars and nightclubs, parties, barbecues, girls you meet on vacation, etc.), however you’ll sometimes find yourself needing to isolate in traditionally non-social places (for instance, say you meet a girl in a crowded airport terminal, or in a busy café).

Assuming you are isolating women who find you attractive (and you will have an outlandishly hard time isolating women who do not), they want this too, enjoy this, and before you do it often will be hoping that, somehow, they end up somewhere one-on-one with you without their friends, much as they adore them, sticking their noses in or craning their necks around to hear what you are saying better.

Today’s article is all about isolation: how to isolate a girl, different ways you can generate isolation scenarios, and what you can do in the case where for whatever reason you can’t pull her off somewhere more private just yet, but you’re nonetheless at the deadline to create some one-on-one time with her.

How to Handle Awkward Dating Situations


An attractive girl grabbed my hand and led me to the dance floor. We danced together for a couple seconds before I made up an excuse to stop dancing with her and ran off. I got scared that she would find out that I couldn’t dance and things would get awkward.

awkwardness

That night I walked home kicking myself, questioning what caused me to run away.

There was another time where I wanted to make a move on a girl that was my friend, but the time was never right. I was worried she might reject me and things might get awkward. I waited years to finally make a move but by that time the attraction was gone and she had moved me to the brother zone.

Finally, I have been in relationships where girls did little things that I didn’t like. But rather than bring it up early, I would bite my tongue. I was afraid to make things awkward. I would let these incidents happen until either she would lose respect for me or I would blow up on her about something insignificant.

Something that is not often discussed about success with women is how awkward things can get and how men’s fear of awkwardness leads to them never pushing the boundaries and holding back their success.

Can You Beat the Bad Boy and Get the Girl?


beat bad boyA reader named Tom wrote in a short while back with the following question:

Can you do an article of what a man should do when he has to compete with a badboy to attract a woman?
Many thanks for reading.

Well, that’s an interesting one.

Especially considering so much of the content on Girls Chase is aimed at turning you into the bad boy.

But what happens when you’re head-to-head with a badder boy than you?

Will People Recognize You are Out to Pick Up Girls?


recognize you pick up girlsIn the article on bids for connection, a commenter asked about the following fear about random people recognizing him as, essentially, 'that pickup artist guy', and creating trouble for him:

What's really missing is in your articles to cover - most men have rooted lifestyles, so whether they know it consciously or not they meet mostly the same people every day. We are aware that coworkers don't change daily, but other people - people who goes to the same shops, uses the same public services are pretty much the same people, and if you live in a 500,000-1,500,000 people city you think consciously that you always meet different people, but in most cases the people you see around are the same people you've seen two weeks or two days before and just don't care to remember them. I've experimented with it and seen that there are people I meet pretty much everyday or at least once in a week, because of daily schedule which is highly repetitive. I notice the effects of what they call this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birthday_problem which in a nutshell means that running into the same items (people, numbers whatever) is more likely than it may seem. If you have 10000 people using public services at the same time, and then you see ~20 all the time around you, it doesn't mean that you run into the same person only 0.5% of the time, it's much higher percent actually and it grows with every day you expose yourself to the world until you expose yourself to the same and same people again and again without consciously knowing it.

He goes on to discuss the fear of being called out by a "nagging old lady or angry psycho of some kind" who may say something mean, and notes that a "large clump of guys [may] never start the game because of emotionally feeling the high percentage of such shaming happening [i]s a big danger to their identities of "good guys" they work so hard to preserve."

It's a perfectly natural concern and, in fact, one I wondered about myself early on. It's one worth paying some attention to, in all honesty, and I'll tell you why and how to do that in this post as well.

However, the biggest lesson you'll see with this kind of thing is the same one this same commenter notes at the start of this same comment: "You've got hundreds of articles less or more discussing pretty much the same topic of "Just move your ass and do the thing, accept early failures and later get awesome results!""

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I might as well save you 10 minutes if you don't feel like reading: the advice here is going to be exactly this: just move your ass and do the thing... and this fear magically vanishes. -Poof!-

Surprised? No? Well, let's look at why, at least.

Do You Want to be a PUA or a Seducer?


Note from Chase: this is our second article from John Turner, a member of our discussion forum. John’s first article was about “The Seduction Triangle”; in this article, he discusses the differences between men who approach doing better with women from a more broken perspective vs. men who approach it from a healthier one. Here’s John.


In recent years, it seems that the “PUA” lifestyle has gotten more and more attention in the media, and from what I’ve seen, it has been mostly negative.

This can seem confusing to beginners:

If learning pick up is going to make me a more attractive man and a better lover / boyfriend / husband, then shouldn’t girls encourage guys to learn this, and not be disgusted and irritated when the subject of pick up comes up?

Well, yes and no.

What Men Who Get Laid Do Before a Night Out


Hi there!

When I shared my report of the night where I managed to pull a girl even though I felt terrible, a lot of people gave me positive feedback on the samples of my conversations. They really liked to see how I talked to women about sex and how I used it as a weapon of mass seduction.

As they asked for more examples, I decided to write this report, where we will be covering one interaction where I used textbook style sex talk. Although I have shared different concepts and techniques in my previous reports, I haven’t always been focusing directly on the content of my interactions – i.e., what I actually say to girls. The reason behind that is because I either forgot what I said that night, or because I wanted to put the emphasis on other aspects of my interactions.

This report however will not take place in Bulgaria. It will take place in Oslo, the capitol of Norway. I think it is great to share stories from different locations. This is from a Saturday night.

I will start off by laying out some foundations for the night – i.e., cover a few things that I did before approaching the girl of the night. After that, we’ll be spending most of this article discussing the actual interaction that led to a lay. Although this post and the next will be a straight-up lay report – covering everything from A to Z, I will still spend a lot of time explaining what I do and how everything works out together. I will do my best to make this report as educational as possible.

Tactics Tuesdays: Gaming Your Ex-Girlfriend’s Friend


Is your ex-girlfriend’s best friend off limits?

ex-girlfriend's friend

It depends on the situation that has called for your pursuit. Making her your new catch requires some fine tuning, and if you are going to go after her, your venture needs to be completely justified. There are three situations where one might feel justified to go after the bestie:

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