Relationships

Dating an experienced woman can be a treacherous yet incredibly worthwhile journey. You’ll experience heartbreak and pure ecstasy. Prepare yourself.

I have had the pleasurable misfortune of not only sleeping with many experienced women but also dating one as a serious girlfriend.

And by experienced, I mean promiscuous. She's sexually experienced and has dated lots of guys.

Of course, there can be another definition for experienced.

She might be older and have had a handful of long-term relationships (LTRs). Though, a girl could be young and still have had a lot of boyfriends, even if they weren’t long-lasting relationships.

And even if a girl is older, it doesn’t mean she knows much about dating, but maybe she knows a lot about life. Or she could know a lot about dating but was relatively unslutty and had one or two LTRs.

For this article, then, let’s have three possible definitions of “experienced”:

1. Older than you
2. Many lays
3. Four or more LTRs

Four LTRs is somewhat an arbitrary number, but I’d say four that last longer than a year makes one well-acquainted with relationships (though not necessarily skilled).

And, of course, these definitions are not mutually exclusive. A girl can have some, none, or all these traits.

I’ll address experience via these definitions differently throughout this article in terms of how they can impact your adventure.

I had a chat the other day with a friend who'd caught his long-time girlfriend in a big lie.

She had promised him before she would not lie to him about the thing.

Well, she did lie.

And my friend wasn't sure how to deal with it.

He's an easygoing guy. And his natural inclination was to be understanding, and not make it a huge deal.

Even though it was, in essence, a pretty important deal.

On the other hand, he also realized if he let his girlfriend's lie slide, it'd be the wrong call... and he'd only be kicking the can down the road to deal with later (possibly in a worse way).

When we talked, he'd made his mind up to angrily confront her. He'd confront her, summon up some fiery anger, tell her caught her lying, and put the fear of God in her. That was the plan. She had to feel she'd done wrong.

He knew he had to enforce some kind of stricture here, or else his girlfriend would run wild.

And yet... he felt the plan was off.

He just didn't know what else to do.

I talked to a friend recently and told him about a woman I'd dated with a short fuse.

She was in all other respects perfect.

Physically very beautiful. Very smart and highly educated.

Good career. A happy, positive, can-do person, with a charming personality.

More self-improvement-orientated than almost any woman I've met.

However, she had a very short fuse, and various things would set her off.

Once you set her off, she'd fly off into a (self-)righteous rage.

Her rage would last anywhere from 30 minutes to a few hours, then she would calm back down. A little while later she'd be happy again.

This short fuse of hers was inherited. Her father had it. Her elder sister and younger sisters had it. Others in her family did not have it, but those four did. At a family gathering I attended with them, all four set each other off and flew into rages against one another.

The sisters often tried to avoid talking with each other and their parents, solely because of their tendencies to set each other off like that. Everything else about their relationships were fine, but the anger they all boiled over into did not well mix.

I did everything I could, within reason, over the time I dated this girl to cure her of this fuse.

I thought for a while that with proper operant conditioning, I'd break her of her temper.

I was wrong, and nothing I did was a permanent fix.

The friend I mentioned this to is an optimistic guy who is good at approaching new women, but has trouble bedding them and hanging onto them. His relationships never work out. He's one of the 'hard case' guys I know and have talked about before on Girls Chase. It's hard to put your finger on it with him, but there are many little things it often seems like he does not really 'get'.

When I talked about some of the details of this relationship with him, he told me "Well, it sounds like you set up a pattern early on where this type of behavior was acceptable."

He added that it "sounds like you were encouraging this" or "maybe you subtlely like this."

He then admitted he'd dated a few dramatic women before, but "I quickly showed them I wouldn't tolerate that and they stopped doing it."

It was a little pop armchair psychology that on the surface sounds really good. Somebody does something you don't like? Just make it clear it's unacceptable, and she'll stop for good! Don't be weak or invite it back in, and you'll never have to deal with it again!

But, as I told him, people are a lot richer and more complex than this... and you simply wanting a behavior to change, and putting a few behavior modification procedures in place to try to change it, does not ensure you'll get the change you want.

Especially not long-term.

Far from it.

Rather, while you should do what you can to get your woman to change any undesirable behavior she has, you should never count on a woman to change... and you should never think you'll change her.

Every problem, bit of drama, suffering, torment, or heartache in a relationship is necessary... because people date the people they need to date.

I have a pretty good track record predicting how relationships will turn out.

I can tell, fairly reliably (though I'm sometimes wrong... but not a lot) how a partnership will go after a short time around a couple.

It used to aggravate me, some years ago, how when I'd identify an obviously troubled partnership, no one would listen to me and end the thing before it grew worse.

Time and again, dire warnings to friends of how their relationships would turn out came true.

And still, no one listened.

Yet, these days, people disregarding my advice doesn't aggravate me anymore.

If I see someone headed into an obviously troubled relationship, I will warn him off it.

However, if he chooses to pursue it, it no longer bothers me. I'm not a busybody... what someone is doing with his own life isn't my business, unless he wants my input. I usually won't stay as close with a guy going into a troubled relationship against my advice, because of how troubled relationships tend to affect people (i.e., they turn most folks into needy, emotional messes who bog down everyone around them... and it's not my calling in life to be a shoulder to cry on, nor is it a role anyone would want me in anyway. Really, you are better off not having Chase in that role).

Over time, my understanding of why people date the people they do (as well as do the other things they do) has changed.

I stopped viewing people's choices in mates -- even choices that hurt them, and lead them to suffer -- as 'right' or 'wrong' for them.

Instead, now I look at a partnership and say, "What about this partnership makes it what this person engaging in it needs?"

Because that is the real kicker: people only have the relationships they need to have.

The more you learn to look at relationships as people with exactly the people they needed to be with right then, the more even the very troubled relationships you see start to make a lot more sense.

Looking for some sexy things to do with your girlfriend? These mind-bending, juice-inducing sex tips will ramp things up in bed and make sex with you an addiction.

Today I’ll share a handful of sexual things to do with your girlfriend to make sex more fulfilling.

It’s not enough to learn how to approach, escalate, charm, and seduce women. You want to be a great lover and make their pussies quiver whenever they think of you. You want them addicted to you. And once they become addicted, they start to love you. Once a woman loves you, she’s yours forever (at least in heart, if not body).

Most guys are terrible lovers. They’re clueless. All they do is thrust and grunt from three positions and bust a load before she's fully stimulated.

It’s okay to be selfish in bed sometimes, because women are highly turned on by dominance. But for the most part, sex should be a creative experience, like putting on a magic show. So lean back, turn off your anime girlfriend simulators and allow me to teach you the ways of lovemanship.

Note, these aren’t only sexual things but also ways of being that make sex more satisfying for everyone involved.

I’ll separate this article into two sections: psychology and application.

When you've bedded a new girl, everything's great. You're on the 'new relationship high'... you and this new paramour are into each other, entranced, and enjoying every minute.

Something that likely does not pop up a whole lot in your mind is "What sex should I have with this new gal?" You might occasionally have sex ideas bubble up in your head you then walk back, because "I don't know if she'd go for that." But if you're like most guys, most of the time you'll think about new relationship sex in one or both of these ways:

• "There are a few things I like. Let's see if she'll do them."

• "I'm pretty happy with what I'm getting with her. I'm going to keep doing that."

Whether you're a BDSM guy or you just like regular sex with a side of blow jobs (or not even that... maybe just straight up missionary with a little doggy style thrown in for variety here and there), you'll settle into whatever you settle into. Within 3-4 weeks with her your sexual pattern will be pretty established.

Except... the new relationship is an ideal time to push the boundaries on what you can do with a woman sexually. It's an ideal time to see what she's willing to do with you, and to try out new things with a woman you've wanted to try but haven't yet.

It's hard to get too experimental with a one-night stand. And once a relationship is established, most women put the brakes on experimentation too.

But early on into a new relationship? You're in both laboratory and pleasure dome, rolled into one.

You won't stay young, wild, and energetic forever. So what happens to the old playboy when age catches up to him? Does he just fade away?

Under my article "Male vs. Female Mating Motivations Laid Bare", a reader comments:

hard question to ask, but it just seems having children or getting married is a no win situation, if she wants to she can put you on child support or divorce you when she feels like it. with that being said is there a way to have kids and not be put on child support? is there a way to not have kids as an older man and not get looked at as weird? I'm actually really interested in the not paying child support part. what's your plan for yourself Chase logically with this stuff? do you plan to have kids and get married? or just have kids? I liked to know your process of what you think older you would do with women.

I feel like making an "Old players never die, they just..." joke, but can't think of a good one.

"They just NEXT away"?

Nah, too obscure.

Well, anyway. The "what's the endgame?" question is a valid one for the modern playboy.

I'm going to skip the child support one, because, well, it's not realistic for most guys. Children are costly, and someone has to pay for them. Women usually can't pay for them themselves (some rich women excepted, but there's problems with targeting rich women to sire offspring with, then peace out, that I won't go into here). If the father won't/can't pay, the burden then falls to society, simply so the child doesn't die or end up scrounging for scraps on the street like what you see in less developed countries. So most societies have laws mandating fathers pay for their own children, to avoid having it come out of everyone else's pockets. There's no way to get around that in most developed societies without just being a straight-up dead-beat dad who knocks chicks up then runs away and hides so they can't collect child support, then runs away and hides again if he's found and hit with back child support payments. Which I guess you could do, but it's trash behavior, and you're hopefully on this site to learn how to improve your life, rather than lead a trashier one.

The child support question aside, that "what's the endgame?" question, now that's an interesting question.

Because, well... it isn't clear what the endgame for most men IS any longer.