Phone / Text / Email

Busy, waiting, or boxed in? If done right, being on your smartphone can be a powerful tool to intrigue and attract women.

A common target of social criticism these days is our obsession with phones. You’ve seen those trite, hipster videos about how all we do is stare at our screens, how we live in a fast-paced, consumerist society, which has caused us to lose touch with in-person communication, leading to our lacking social skills.

I don’t buy it. For a while, I did. It makes sense. We do live in a disposable society that throws things away when they’re no longer needed. Chase elegantly pointed that out in his article on how some guys feel like disposable dicks-on-sticks.

However, he also pointed out how this disposability goes both ways, affecting women, too.

There’s always a flip-side.

Women you meet in nightclubs can be super flakey. Why do they flake so much later – and what can you do to reduce their ghosting/flaking?

Spend any amount of time in nightlife, and you fast learn a rule: don’t go for phone numbers; go for same-night lays.

I did much of my early approaching in nightclubs, and took plenty of phone numbers from them. Yet time and again, the numbers that panned out were almost all from the minority of approaches I did outside the club – in transit, on the street, via social circle.

Even if I met a girl who liked to party and club on the street or in transit, I was still a lot more likely to get a date with her that way than had I met her in the club.

There were exceptions, of course. I took phone numbers from girls I met in nightclubs and bars and managed to sleep with them sometimes. But it was so infrequent it stood out.

Yet eventually, I fixed it. After enough years in the game, I reached the point where phone numbers from nightclubs are almost as reliable as phone numbers from girls from other places. How to fix the club-flake problem is the subject of this post.

When she texts you “maybe” or “we’ll see”, what does it mean? Why do women text this? There are ways to reduce this happening – as well as ways to deal with it once it happens.

A reader named Daniel writes in:

“Hey guys,

I have been gaming for a few years now, and I notice a theme. When I ask a girl to hangout via text, there are certain responses that women commonly give- and I consider them all to be negative. We’ll be texting each other, and when I ask her to hangout or suggest it she will either say: “We’ll see”; “I’ll let you know “; “maybe ; or go silent. Obviously, I get some positive responses, but any variation of these 4 tends to be the common negative ones. Any tips on how to respond to each? Or better yet, could you write an article on girls responding negatively or questionably when u ask them to hangout via text?”

Ooh, yeah. That’s an ugly message to get:

• “Maybe”
• “I’ll let you know”
• “We’ll see”

These texts always suck. They suck for one major reason: the girl implies she holds all the cards.

This is not a gracious message. When she texts you “maybe” or she texts you “we’ll see” it is an “I’m-going-to-tell-you-how-it-will-be-and-you-will-be-waiting” message. Each of the above responses implies you want something, and she will decide later whether you will get the thing you want or not.

In this article, we’ll talk about some firefighting tactics you can use if you get this. But more importantly, we’ll talk about why women send this message in the first place, and the ways you can avoid ever even getting this message (most of the time).

Have you ever had a girl respond to one of your texts with only an emoji? As with texting, and anything related to women, the context is important. But if she ONLY sends you an emoji, here's a good analysis of how to form a response.

If you do it correctly, you can sometimes get her to follow up and put more effort into the conversation.

10 times to give her a phone call instead of send her a text: when her text replies are bland, when she’s a slow text responder, when it’s logistically easier, and more.

We have a cool discussion on the forum right now where one of our members (Big Daddy) chronicles his foray into making phone calls to girls. He began to mix phone calls into his follow-up repertoire after a few of our articles on phone calls here. He was new to calls at the start of the thread, but once past those early jitters he discovered phone calls suit him:

“Even if it doesn’t work out this already works so much better than texting. I mean my calling skills are 2/10 at the moment and I feel like I have 30x more leverage on calls. I’m actually having fun doing this “just for reps.””

In honor of this discussion Big Daddy kicked off, I thought I’d put together a list of the best times to call a girl... instead of send her a text.

Our occasions to call instead of text fall into a few key themes:

• When you need to inject life into the courtship

• When texting is inefficient or doesn’t work
  

• When you need to cover a lot of ground in a short time (like to rebuild a connection, or fix a screw-up)
  

To help make the right times to call clearer, I’ve split these overarching themes up into 10 distinct scenarios.

Our first is when your initial meet was only lukewarm.

Social texting, text message negs, and asking her to answer quicker are a few common texting mistakes you’d do well to avoid.

These days, texting – or the various flavors of instant messaging – has clearly taken over as the preferred form of communication to get newly-met girls on dates and into bed. So much so that many seek out articles, books, and coaches to help them master the art.

Ten years ago, it was perfectly legit to call a girl you just met and set up a meet over the phone. The phone used to be a great tool, because you could show her how cool of a guy you are through voice tonality, which is still a fundamental art for in-person interactions (which is why setting up a meet should be your primary goal when texting). It used to be that I’d turn cold numbers warm through good phone calls – but those days are gone for the most part.

You’d think showcasing good voice tonality over the phone would go a long way when meeting someone new, but if you call a new girl nowadays, she most likely won’t even answer, because she’s not comfortable talking to strangers. The only person who actually calls her on the phone and gets picked up is probably her mom. In other words, you could have a very sexy voice, but if she doesn’t answer the phone, well, I guess you could leave a voicemail and hope for the best. But she’ll probably still think you’re weird for calling. “Dude, voicemail? Who does that? Why doesn’t he just text? Weirdo.”

Like it or not, people now prefer text communication for contacting new people, even when a two-minute call could accomplish the same thing as several texts over the course of hours. Whether or not people realize texting is most often less efficient, it’s always more comfortable, non-confrontational, and safe. So that’s what we do now.

The problem is that a lot of communication cues are lost in written text, even with the use of emojis. And it is more important now to convey your coolness through text than it ever was. Even if you’re just trying to get a date with a hot girl you met during night game or day game, the tool required to get to meet her again face to face is called “text game.”

Many dudes have not connected the dots between having a horrible text game and having very few dates. Ask any guy who is decently good with girls, and they’ll tell you there is a clear correlation between text game and actually getting girls close enough to you for sex to happen. But what is good text game? We have several articles that deal with that. In this post, I want to give you guys some additional pointers on how to avoid bad text game.

Okay, guys. Take notes, and don’t do this stuff.

If she eludes your dates, it can feel tempting to ping her regularly to make sure she doesn’t forget you. Yet there are better follow-up strategies than this.

A reader writes in:

“Chase,

First off, I really value your dating advice; it’s rooted in logic and psychology and that’s how I operate.  It resonates in a big way with me.

So my scenario/question...

There is this one girl.

I’ve known her for about 2 years, but we never hooked up because one of us has always been in a relationship.  I own an organic juice bar and she actually came into the store the other day.  Attraction was definitely strong and she extended her number to me.

We went on a date a few days later; local, food, drinks and just established rapport and comfort.  Of course my end game was to get intimate with her, but it didn’t happen.  I was sort of bummed.  No good night kiss?  I can’t remember the last time that happened.  After the date we texted and I asked if I could call her and I did.  We basically stayed on the phone for almost 2 hours, sort of continuing the date convo.

I asked her on the phone, “Why no kiss?”.  She mentioned that she is shy, that she is attracted to me, the fact that I was on antibiotics for strep throat (day 6) bothered her a bit.  We also talked about how she is a bit messed up from an ex and that recently, she was actually falling for someone hard and chased him but it didn’t work out because he doesn’t want a girlfriend.

I’ve been trying to set up date 2 but it hasn’t happened yet.  I’m just keeping the texts short, direct, nonchalant, non predictable non needy, etc.

I really think she is just hung up on this guy (the one she was recently intimate with and doesn’t want a girlfriend) and after some time I’ll be able to meet her again and put the moves on her.  I’m confident once we’re intimate she will be chasing me.

However, I am by no means not seeing other girls.  I always keep about 3-4 in the rotation so I’m not lonely on a Thursday, Friday, or Saturday night.

MY QUESTION – Texting is such low effort as is Instagram and DM and things of that nature.  Is it ok to use these methods once in awhile to keep a “girl in the loop”?  I feel that timing is everything sometimes and this may be a method to grab her attention at the most opportune time.  What are your thoughts on this?  I’m not sitting home pining over her.  I just feel like the end goal is so close within reach and don’t want to completely give up.  If this is a viable method for achieving my end goal what would you recommend?  Frequency, context, things of that nature?

Thanks you for you time!”

This is a great question. You get some progress with a girl, it feels like it’s close, but then it doesn’t happen. She doesn’t come out on dates, but she still responds to your messages.

So the question is: do you ping her from time to time to see if she’s available and changed her mind? Or do you not? And if you do, how often?