Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

The Pickup Catch-22 of Ambiguous Value


In a thread on the discussion boards about negative mindsets, a forum member named Black writes:

But when I have to take action there’s this feeling:

- I have absolutely NOTHING to offer her.

- I have NOTHING to say to her.

- She’ll be creeped out just for me going out of my way to say anything to her. It’s crazy I’m showing my face anywhere at all to begin with.

- She may have accepted to hang out with me – but sex is completely out of her mind (because of this I stalled things with girls that were saying we should “hang out” sometime; they ended up dating another guy a week later).

- She will make a scene if I go in for the kiss, ask her out or try to lead her to a hotel; then she will tell everyone we know if it’s social circle (even if it does happen to a small extent, almost no one seems to care).

ambiguous value

You might think it’s just you when you’re just kicking off, but this is actually a surprisingly normal set of thoughts/emotions to encounter before you approach a girl (when you’re new).

It’s due to something I’d call ‘ambiguous value’, and the doubts you’ll have surrounding yourself because of it.

And it’s not even just a ‘meeting new girls’ thing... although that’s the context we’ll discuss it in today.

Using Your Reputation to Sleep with Lots of Girls


I messed up…

In a social circle where the stakes were high I failed to be discreet. No, I didn’t go blab about what happened, but instead, due to too much alcohol consumed, I failed to isolate and we were noticed.

sexy reputation

But an interesting thing happened:

Despite a couple of women from that circle seeing us and this being the gossip of the year, my indiscretion didn’t reach the ears of parties that could’ve blown the whole situation out of proportion and make my life truly difficult.

Those smart ladies decided to make a better call than I did and keep my little secret. Would you like to guess why?

Well,

Keeping the social circle healthy in general was definitely one of them, but one crucial piece of the puzzle was that they, consciously or not, decided that they didn’t want me to be kicked out of it.

You see, until that moment, despite openly being a sexual man and with my image and actions clearly communicating that I prefer a promiscuous lifestyle, I still acted within my code of standards that I talked about in my last article and in general wasn’t a social risk.

On the contrary, a sexual, attractive man who is smart about the way he does his thing can actually be a very valuable asset in a social circle.

In other words, my reputation saved my ass in that situation.

With this article I’d like to help you understand the benefits of having the right reputation within a social circle and afterwards we’ll cover how to develop your reputation as a sexual man so it works for you, instead of against you.

Dance Floor Game Tips #6: Physical Escalation on the Dance Floor


Previously we discussed how to build attraction by escalating physically. Today we will discuss this topic even further. There is a lot more to say about this topic. Consider this post an expansion of the previous one.

dance floor

As mentioned last time, this is just a toolbox. This means that you can cherry-pick the techniques you like and disregard those you don’t. It is not like you have to use every one of these escalation techniques to get laid – sometimes just following a basic escalation ladder is all you need, while other times more is required.

I do recommend you to try out all these techniques though. Field experience is the only true way to find out whether something works for you or not. Try them all out at least a few times and add those you like to your arsenal. However, never disregard any technique completely, as maybe on a future occasion you might find it come in handy (in such cases you can always review this post).

Now, let us start straight away into the good stuff:

Modern Marriage, Part 5: How to Handle the Divorce Process


Hey, guys. A quick recap of the series thus far, in case you missed any of the articles and would like to go back and read them to catch up with us:

In Part 5, we’re going to talk about what to do when your efforts to repair your marriage fail and a mutual decision is made to part ways for good.

Before we begin, I do want to note that family and divorce law varies significantly across not only continents and countries, but can even deviate a great deal within those (the degree of autonomy differs from country to country, but you get my point here).

handle divorce

Getting a divorce is extremely challenging in many ways, but probably the biggest hurdle of all is trying to work through all of the legal processes. Trying to accomplish all of it by yourself is overwhelming, and there will be many a decision that requires knowledge of the legal procedures and family law that is in place in your jurisdiction.

If you need legal advice, I strongly suggest you consult with a good family attorney with roots in your county/township/municipality who is highly familiar with the laws and processes of your local government.

So, you’re getting a divorce. It’s all utterly horrifying and you don’t know where to start! How do you manage all of this?

Take More Action


Quick post. Taking action.

One of our members on the discussion boards wrote about being depressed and not knowing what to do. My response to him was brief:

To build on what Ray said... start cranking the handle.

Whether you’re lifting weights in the air, writing pages for your next book, or talking to a pretty girl, it’s pretty tough to feel bad about yourself when you’re in action.

It’s when you’re sitting still twiddling your thumbs that all the bad thoughts creep in and take over.

Want fewer bad thoughts? Spend more time in action instead of thumb-twiddling.

Chase

A second reader followed up my post and asked me to write more on taking action.

So here it is.

Dating as a Short Guy: What to Know and Do


Note from Chase: this is our second article from Jerome Wu, a friend of mine originally from China, who has been living in the United States (and sleeping with girls off of cold approach in nightclubs, the street, and the beach) for many years now. Three years ago, Jerome talked to us about Asian guys and white girls; today he’s here to talk about another sticking point for many men: being short. Here’s Jerome.


To be tall and handsome, is that really the splitting image of every woman’s true desire? Let’s look at what it’s like to be a short guy in the dating game, and some strategies we can use to alleviate whatever shortcomings might be associated with being a short seducer.

I measured myself the other day, and I found that technically I stand at 5 foot 5 ½ inches. Mr. Chase has mention in some articles on this site that I am near 5’3” to 5’5” – I am hurt, butthurt that is, by the inaccuracy... LOL.

I was supposed to write this article in 2014 – I’m kind of late! I didn’t understand the question Chase presented to me. I just didn’t think my height was an issue until I researched it. I also wrote an article on being Asian. Writing all these articles on being Asian, short, and introverted has made me somewhat insecure. I never realized this was such an issue until now. I guess I’m totally late again, or perhaps I simply forgot about this issue, or maybe I’ve just been too busy living my life...

Anyway, let’s begin.

Personal Standards for the Moral Seducer


One of the most destructive limiting beliefs that holds back many men is that having a promiscuous lifestyle in which one sleeps with beautiful women seems somehow morally wrong. To them, it seems that there’s something wrong with being attracted to someone and desiring passionate sex with them.

personal standards

It sounds silly when I put it like this, yet, unfortunately, in our minds this limiting belief rarely takes form as a simple, straightforward statement like this. If it did, getting rid of it would be easy.

No, instead it’s usually much more deceptive, and the result is that we find ourselves ashamed of our desires... we restrain ourselves from openly hitting on her and being sexual because we are afraid of public scrutiny, and when things don’t go our way, like she doesn’t reciprocate the attraction, just like a child who did something wrong, we feel the need to run back to our safe place.

The reasons why so many of us developed this unconscious belief that being sexual is wrong are diverse, but in most cases it boils down to social pressure to meet some very outdated norms.

But what if instead we operated in a manner so that deep down we knew that we were doing the right thing by trying to seduce her; by showing our sexual side? What if we knew that by leading the interaction towards sex we were also leading ourselves towards mutual happiness (or at least a happier state)?

Well,

Let me tell you that it’s liberating to play your part in the dance of seduction knowing consciously and unconsciously that you’re doing the right thing. Even more so, it does open up new doors, especially in social game.

Sadly, I can’t give you a surefire, step-by-step approach on how to overcome this limiting belief and instill in you a new one – every situation is unique and every man’s journey towards this goal will be different.

What I can do, is set you in the right direction by helping you establish a set of personal rules that you believe in: ones that will make sure that as long as you will abide them you will be true to yourself and in your mind you will be doing the right thing.

Know Thyself: Context, Certainty, and Projection


The Ancient Greek philosophers had it figured out two and a half thousand years ago: you should know yourself. But fast forward to today and there’s no shortage of modern men who know nothing about themselves. These men are not going after what they want, because they don’t know their own desires. They suffer from self-perceptions that are stunted or warped, and they can’t be sure of themselves. Perhaps worst of all, men without self-knowledge question and doubt themselves – especially when they fail with women.

know-thyself-2

In Part 1, I showed how failing to know yourself will hold back your progress with women. In this article, I’ll talk about some strategies for learning about yourself. But more importantly, I’ll explain the principles behind the pursuit of self-knowledge. Once you understand these, you’ll be able to advance your self-knowledge, explore and strengthen your character, and, ultimately, triumph with women.

A Study in Female Nature


I have never written an article like this before, so bear with me. It is going to be half Field Report from Tinder and half explanation. I will be quoting the conversation I had with “Sarah” in full, as well as detailing parts of her Tinder profile because the contrast you will soon see is what I truly wish to highlight today.

female-nature

This article is aimed at the guys who are still learning the true nature of female humans, which is as simple as the true nature of all other female primates. This may be a bit of a red pill article for you – and I truly hope and intend that this is the case. I chose in the end not to sleep with the girl, for reasons you will see later, but that takes nothing away from the value of what follows.

I will post bits of the conversation in regular font, with my comments below in bold where necessary.

But first, the relevant parts of her Tinder profile:

“I am absolutely a hopeless romantic. I’m trying to find my future husband on tinder... I am a mother of an angel... I’m looking for my man, my lad, my soulmate, my best friend; nothing less than that, however, Jesus is my main man.”

She is, obviously, portraying herself as a good Christian girl who just wants to settle down with a good man. While it may be tempting to believe the things a woman says, usually it is a smokescreen meant to separate Providers from Lovers. That is a topic worth studying in itself; one that has been written about on this website before and is also a featured chapter in my book.

Modern Marriage, Part 4: When Marriage Doesn’t Match Expectations


Gentlemen, welcome back.

Today in Part 4 we are going to take a look at:

  1. What can happen when marriage doesn’t meet your expectations,

  2. What (if anything) you can and should do about it when this happens, and,

  3. A couple of things you should never do.

Because, as we found out in Part 2, let’s face it: no marriages meet all of the expectations that are set for them.

marriage-expectations

The percentage of Americans who divorce has been above 40 percent even since 1970s. There are a lot of reasons that that number is what it is. Unarguably though, is the notion that the inability to reconcile differences is what eventually makes things come to a head and is why we divorce.

Is infidelity the reason you got divorced? Roundabout, perhaps, yes. But it was really more because a reconciliation couldn’t be reached.

How about a financial crisis? Can two people just become so poor that some crazy law says they have to get a divorce? No, it’s because they can’t agree on how to repair the problem (or they just don’t).

Your marriage is never going to be as fruitful and perfect as you think it will be, and you’re going to deal with a whole slew of life problems that affect one or the both of you. It’s not the problems themselves that cause divorce to happen, it’s the people not being able to deal with them that is the biggest issue.

So what exactly happens when you end up in an unfulfilling, dead-as-nails marriage that suffers from one (or a multitude!) of the more serious relationship-downers that we discovered in Part 3?

I found that when my marriage was getting to the point where it had seen better days that the toughest thing I had to deal with by far was the shift in the balance of power that occurred when I actually started to sense things beginning to go haywire in the first place, and started scrambling to make things “right” again.