Welcome back to another edition of the Girls Chase Dating Mechanics Podcast. In this episode, I interview Pablo Garcia, Girls Chase contributor and winner of a seduction community contest for the seducer who could be the most new girls in a single year. In this podcast, Pablo gives you an incredible array of ways to touch women that turn
Insights from the Mind of a Seducer
Women conceal the past. So how do you get the skinny on them on touchy topics… Without them shutting down or blowing up?
A reader named Eric writes in:
“Hey, just wondering how do you screen a girl for topics that she might not want to talk about or for things that wouldn’t be in her best interest to tell you like daddy issues or if she has ever cheated in a relationship without coming off as too insecure or too aggressive?”
This is a pretty fun topic. How do you get girls to be straight with you on stuff they’d rather not be?
Two days ago, I published “Why Won’t Women Just Say What They Want?”, which is all about women’s tendency toward the vague and ambiguous. This can make it hard to nail a girl down on some topics... Especially the topics she doesn’t want you to nail her down on.
Further, women usually cloak the less marketable parts of their pasts in secrecy (and even go so far as to discourage investigation into their pasts: “Why does it matter?” “The past is irrelevant!”). Men do this too, but the female version of the murky past is the big leagues; men are the J.V. squad of concealment, compared to how women do.
Yet, those parts of her past she doesn’t want you to know about may be exactly the things you need to know about most. In “Why Her Past Matters If You Want Something Serious”, I shared a trio of scientific investigations into women’s age at first sex, their tendencies to sleep with male friends, and their religious service attendance... and how these three things relate to the level of fidelity you can expect from them, on average. And in “How Many Partners Has Your Girlfriend Had? Find Out Here”, I highlight a study that finds a woman’s infidelity risk rises 7% for each additional sex partner she has.
Particularly if you want a long-term relationship with a girl, there’s a good chance you want to know the things she may not want you to. But how do you find these things out, without her lying to you or spiraling into auto-rejection?
How does Buddhism relate to dating? While you refine your persona, you must put on a “false face”… Yet as you do you deceive yourself, as much as others.
I was talking to a coaching client of mine the other day. He expressed to me how badly he wanted to be a “seduction machine” and that he was willing to do anything to reach that level.
I smiled. His enthusiasm and drive was uplifting. Also, he was willing to pay good money for probably one of the most important skills a man can have in his life: the ability to connect with women emotionally, romantically, and sexually; that is a sign of drive if anything is.
However, progress is not so simple. Or, to put it another way, it is far simpler than you can imagine.
In his imagination, he had this grand idea of “the master seducer” – a version of himself that is everything he’s ever wanted it to be: to have a voice that sizzles women’s ears and makes their pussies tremble, to walk and move with the grace and power of a seasoned warrior, to have eyes that undress women literally and emotionally, and to have a voice that commands them as though Zeus himself demanded their obedience.
Unfortunately, this self is a mirage. Fortunately, it is also closer to you than your skin and your bones.
This is not a contradiction. Contradictions are when one thing needs to be right, and you say both are. This, instead, is a paradox: both statements are correct yet seem contradictory.
And it’s been my experience that if you are following a path of inquiry and have not yet reached a paradox, you haven’t gone far enough.
Women use ambiguity for three (3) reasons: to expose a man’s true colors, to retain room to maneuver, and to preserve their social reputations.
Maybe an hour ago, I finished reviewing a lesson from The Dating Artisan, part of my upcoming master class on succeeding with women. For each of these videos, I have to review once to make sure there’s nothing that snuck in we should edit out (our DoP’s toes sneaking into the frame have been a constant annoyance), as well as to add text and citations I want added. Then I have to review the final video a second time to make sure everything checks out. Each of these videos is around 50 minutes long on average, and there are about 50 of them... so you can imagine why it’s taking me so long (that, and that we still need to build the site / file delivery system / etc. for this thing).
Anyway, at multiple points in this lesson, our actress on the shoot claims she would not like if a guy did something to her I described (in the case I’ll tell you about, it was slapping a naughty girl on the butt). Meanwhile, even as she claims this, she laughs and becomes excited and flirtatious. At one point I highlight this and say, “She’s saying ‘no’, but at some point with a guy she likes, it’s going to be ‘yes’.” If you’re at all good at reading women’s signals, it’s pretty obvious when viewing the clip how the idea affects her. Not only does she get excited in the moment, but her flirting and laughter dial up dramatically after this incident for the rest of the lesson.
If you’re an old pro, you see a situation like this and grin and go, “Yeah... girls!” You love it. It’s fun. It’s a big part of what makes the whole thing exciting.
But if you’re not so good with girls yet, this is likely to be a point of major frustration for you. “Why the living bleeding hell won’t women just say what they want?”
Because sometimes they do.
But other times they don’t.
Sometimes they say exactly what they want. Sometimes they say the opposite of what they want.
How the heck is a guy who’s not good with women yet supposed to decipher all this?
When you fractionate sexual tension – by breaking tension yourself, then resuming it later – you make its effect much, much mightier on her.
Alright, this being my sixth post in my series on sexual tension, we have already covered the crucial steps. You can view the previous installments in this series here:
- Sexual Tension Basics: What is Sexual Tension?
- How to Create Sexual Tension with Women
- What to Do When She Giggles or Jokes (Hint: Don't Break Tension!)
- Create Comfort with Her, and Sexual Tension Comes Easy
- How to Recover from a Sexual Tension Break
Today we will add some seasoning – my favorite seasoning: fractionation. This post, therefore, will serve as a very powerful expansion on the foundational elements we’ve previously discussed.
Some may consider themselves more or less familiar with my previous posts, which will help in grasping this material. It would perhaps also be a good idea to have experimented a bit with the concepts covered in those posts in order to have built some comfort with them.
What I am going to teach you here is how to push the sexual tension to the next level and how you can gain increased control over it.
Now, this post is some topping on the cake – more of a “master class” thing.
Either way, let us get into it.
Tell me what you most want to know that will help you get more dates with girls. Also: share your experiences… plus how to get my next book for 99 cents.
In a jam-packed interview, Alek Rolstad shares how to turn girls on (big time) in bars and nightclubs. He shows you how to escalate touch to get her excited. He shows you how to decide WHICH girls to approach (and which girls not to bother with). He shares his approach to dealing with “wild card” situations, where random elements appear to help or hinder you.
It takes time to be sexy. Yet while you’re working on it, there’s no reason for you to go dateless in the meantime.
Writing on the Girls Chase boards, a member by the name GottaChange says:
“From what I’ve seen around the only men who manage to consistently bed women using a normal “person-to-person” frame are men who are particularly good-looking according to society’s modern criteria. It is as if their looks takes care of the attraction for them and they can just worry about having a normal interaction and move things towards sex.
All the other guys (the average-looking ones) being successful with women are, from what I have seen, those who are able to arouse women by projecting masculinity and sexuality and be consistent with it during the whole interaction. They aren’t faking it, they ARE like that.
I know for some of you this is easy if not natural, but for me this is very very hard. I can open girls using a friendly/warm/playful vibe but this doesn’t lead me anywhere. We keep bantering until she either sees me as a new friend or she loses interest and goes away.
Yeah, rarely I have had women becoming sexually interested in me even if I was just being normal and friendly, but it’s not something I can rely on regularly like I see good-looking guys do. I need to structurally change something about myself, and that’s why I chose this nickname.”
So, this is not going to be an article on how to be sexy. We already have a bunch of those – here’s a few, for starters:
- How to Be a Sexy Man
- Constructing Your Sexy Vibe (and Making Girls Go Nuts)
- Sexual Tension: 7 Ways to Make Women Excited and Randy
Sexy Man’s Grooming Guide Series
Sexual Tension Series
Rather, this will be an article on patching things together in the
short-term, before your sexy self has emerged from the sexpot chrysalis.
We touched on the lack-of-sexiness problem yesterday a bit in my
massive troubleshoot post “What to
Do When Your Approach Just Isn’t Working.”
However, I want to give it its own treatment in article form. Partly so
you don’t have to read 12,000 words to find the one paragraph that
talks about it. But also because it needs highlighting – what you don’t
highlight often goes unnoticed.
One of the points we harp on a lot on Girls Chase is the value of being sexy. When you are sexy, girls become... pretty straightforward. You have clear sexual value on offer that appeals to women:
Women who’d like a boyfriend like you appreciate it
Women who’d like a friend like you appreciate it too
And women in need of sexual release really appreciate it
There’s just one problem. It takes time to develop that sexy vibe if you don’t have it yet. I think it took me eight or nine months to get mine to the point where I saw noticeable changes in how women received me. So what are you supposed to do in the meantime? Scratch days off your calendar and watch the seasons pass?
Obviously, that’s not so desirable.
Instead, you’re going to have to find some other ways to make girls want to do things with you.
What do you do if you try to improve with women, but nothing seems to work? There are 8 reasons this happens – and you can beat them all.
Girls Chase has been around for almost nine years. We’ve collected hundreds of case studies, success stories, and testimonials over the years, both solicited and not, from guys about all the wild successes they’ve had with girls after finding this site. Our Field Reports board on the Girls Chase forums is a testament in its own right – just go through and read all the (probably thousands now) lay reports on the boards. But sometimes, guys struggle.
Kalyan, longtime reader (and coaching student of Hector Castillo’s) writes:
This is Kalyan, longtime GC fan, and I have a small issue. I am a rather good-looking guy, I’ve got some of my vibe as a man down and I don’t take shit from people. I have good style and I am not afraid to walk up to anyone.
I’m taking coaching from Hector and there are a bunch of things we’re working on (I’m good but not perfect!), but there is something which is sort of discouraging me.
Over the past 2 months I did around 150 approaches. I’d set goals and go at them. And typically I’d use direct openers. However, out of these 150 approaches (mostly day game), I was able to get 8 dates or so, and only like 4 make-outs (2 have been same night pulls).
Many girls would smile at me when I asked for their numbers and give these happily, only not to reply to my first text. This happened like 60 times. Other times I get “I have a boyfriend”. I would be frustrated at this, but when I go out, it’s a new day, I don’t carry it with me.
Now, most of the dates I got were girls who weren’t really sexually interested in me, which suggests that the girls who are interested in me sexually rejected me for not being sexual, so I have to be sexual. Got it, working on it. But my point is, it really doesn’t make sense to do such a huge number of approaches and not get any result at all – the sheer volume should be enough. I’m not saying that I “deserve” more; I know we need to improve, but something doesn’t add up here.
So I was thinking of:
– an article about “what it means when all your approaches don’t end in the bedroom” – or something similar
– advice or relevant articles on this subject (I’ll also cover this with hector).
- Wrong Vibe
- Spam Approaching
- Too Little Approaching
- Poor Tailoring to Girl Type
- No Clear ‘Woman Goal’
- Do Not Close
- Mix and Match Methods
- Too Extreme
Kalyan’s not the only one I’ve heard from recently about problems or frustrations. We’ve had guys both on the forums and who’ve left comments or emailed in recently to say they’ve been trying to use the material here and just aren’t able to get it to work. Some of these guys have been at it a few months; some of them say they have tried for years.
So let’s talk about what to do when things aren’t working the way you want them to work, expect them to work, or hoped they would work. This post is for the guys at risk of being left behind. The ones who’ve studied, labored, and sweated it out, but failed so far to achieve the results they want.
This article you’ve opened up is 12,000 words long. That makes it
one of the five longest essays on Girls Chase as of writing (there are
over 1500 articles on this website). It took me six hours to write, and
another hour and a half to edit and
proofread. I wrote it for two reasons: the first is because we need an
article on here to be able to point guys to when they’re struggling.
The second is because, while I cannot personally ensure every guy who
comes here is going to succeed, I don’t want anybody failing who truly
wants this. If you’re putting the work in, I want you to win. I want
you to clear any hurdles and get the brass ring.
I can’t promise you this article will turn things around for you. Much of that is going to be up to you. If you and I knew each other in person, and I had enough time to spend with you, there’s a fair chance I could put you on my back and carry you to success. Yet there are tens of thousands of men who’d like me to do that for them, to only one me... and the one me there is is very busy. The best I can do at this point is outline the common problems, lay them all out for you, and hope that when you see them laid out here, some light bulbs go off for you, and the gears in your head start to turn again.
So let me do my best to shine more light on the pitfalls for those guys who are trying to climb their ways out.
Anyway, no further ado. Let’s dive in.
Sometimes the sexual tension just pops. Maybe her friend stepped in or a random guy said something. How do you get it back once it’s gone?
Hello again, guys. I hope you are doing well! Welcome to part five of my series on sexual tension.
In case you are just tuning in, here are the first four installments:
In our fourth article, we discussed how to maintain sexual tension between you and your girl. This article will focus on how you can maintain the sexual tension in light of social context – that is, how to deal with “wildcards” when you are experiencing sexual tension.
Today I will divulge what I know about how to deal with social factors that can interfere with sexual tension, including her friends and the social world.
Without further ado, let us get right into it!