Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

How to be Resilient (and Bounce Back from Rejection)

how to be resilient
Resilience: it’s your ability to take a hit (rejection) and keep going. The more resilient you are, the better your odds get with girls.

This week I’ve talked about the beginning being the hardest part, and about the belief some (many?) men hold that women are evil, due to bad experiences with girls, rejections, or even just loneliness, isolation, assumption, or projection.

Today I want to get a little more strategic and give you something you can immediately go out and start to improve on. I’d like to talk about how to be resilient.

If you’re unfamiliar with the subject of resilience in the context of meeting, dating, and sleeping with girls, here’s the explanation in puzzle form:

  • Why is it that one man can suffer rejection from a girl, then shrug it off, go meet another girl, charm her socks off, take her home, and have sex with her...

  • While another man may suffer rejection, drop down into a funk, start to feel bad about himself, feel bad about women, not talk to another girl the rest of the day, and go home alone?

The answer to this riddle is ‘resilience’ – the ability to bounce back from defeat; to take a hit and stay in the ring.

Because if you can’t shake off a hit, you’re just one big blow away from ‘crushed’.

But if you can shake the next hit off, you stand a pretty good chance to get that date, get that girlfriend... or just plain old get laid.

3 Theories on a Girl’s Hotness vs. How Hard She is to Get

hot hard to get
Hot girls are the hardest to get. Or is it average-looking girls who are, paradoxically, the hardest? 3 theories dig in and explain.

Previously we challenged the notion that hot girls are always harder to get, and that the hotter they are the harder it is to date and sleep with them. To do this, we looked at six (6) different variables aside from beauty that have an impact on how difficult it is to pick her up. Those were:

  1. A girl’s personality
  2. Her mood
  3. Her sociocultural background
  4. Her social circle
  5. Where and how you meet her
  6. And her self-awareness of her looks

You can read more about these variables in my previous post. If this is the first time you’re encountering them, you will find they shed a new light on the common misconception that “hotter = harder”.

Today we will delve deeper into what makes a girl more or less difficult to date and bed. This post is all about seduction theory. We’ll have a look at different theories on how looks alone affect a girl’s level of difficulty. Thus, the main focus of this post will be on the “look variable”.

The theories covered in this post might seem contradictive to some. One theory we dissect will be on why hot women are harder to get. Another theory we’ll look at today rests on the claim that average women are harder to pick up than more attractive ones.

My opinion on such theories is that they are all more or less correct and do not contradict each other – they just explain two different phenomenon.

Tactics Tuesdays: Flake Handling, Prevention, and Mindsets

flake prevention
A slew of helpful mindsets, prevention tools, and firefighting techniques for handling flakes. What do you do when she cancels on you?

Flakes are an area of dating charged with emotion. A lot of men take flakes personal in a big way. They feel insulted and like their time’s been wasted.

We have a few articles on Girls Chase already on flake-handling. They are:

Today, I want to share with you my views on flakes. Guys at different stages of their journey will give you different takes, and there a lot of different ways to handle flakey acquaintances. At this point, I’ve spent my time in the approach grinder, bedded well over 100 women, and I’ve accepted flakes as a part of the dating game – I’m beyond taking it personal. So my views are going to be different than those of a guy trying to have sex with 100 percent of the women he interacts with.

These mindsets and techniques won’t help you hook up with everything that moves. Not even Hollywood star status, world-class game, or a billion bucks in the bank will do that. And the stage you want to aspire to reach is the one past the stage where you feel the need to hook up with everything that moves. However, along the road to mastering this skill set, men should oscillate between both extremes to ensure proper growth.

With that said, here are my tips on flaking and text game.

“Women are Evil”

women are evil
Tests, complaints, difficulty, and betrayal. It’s easy to see why some men think women are evil. But is what they do the product of villainy?

This is a sentiment we’ve seen various commenters, forum members, and passersby express over the years. That “women are evil”. They are bad, devious, snake-like creatures, not to be trusted. They are the Devil himself, in his most seductive form.

I addressed this to a certain extent a few weeks back in “A Few Thoughts on MGTOW: Men Going Their Own Ways.” However, I want to address it head-on in this article. If you have trouble believing any man could actually seriously think women are evil, here’s a comment from a reader named Neal on my recent article “You Only Get One Second Chance”:

This is actually a good article on the evils of women. Ah well, I got banned from Chase forums for making these posts. They were deleted too. The irony though is that my articles were really good, and were deleted, but they reoccur in some other form by authors here.

I’ll begin this article by stating that any man who places his trust unconditionally in anyone else than his mother or his father sets himself up to be made a fool. Friends may turn their backs on you, children may forget about you, mentors may give up on you. Women may leave you, scorn you, or humiliate you.

Which is not to say any of these people will do these things. Only that they might. There are plenty of men with friends who last a lifetime, children who serve them with filial piety, mentors who champion them ceaselessly, and women who never waver in their devotion to them.

But the men who’ve been burned, well, those are the men you hear from who stop by to educate you on how terrible the nature of this or that segment of the human population is. Friends are mere opportunists, mentors will abandon you, children are leeches, and women turncoats. They’ve seen the ugly side of things, and they’re convinced this is the true side of things. Anyone who says different is silly, naïve, trapped in childish delusions... or worse: a snake himself, slithering around sowing confusion so the party doesn’t end for all the other snakes.

In light of these opinions, in this article, we’re going to have a look at the nature of man. We will examine why men (and women) do the things they do, both in support of those around them, and to those others’ detriment.

The Beginning is the Hardest Part

beginning is hardest part
Why’s it have to be so hard to start something new? The truth is, whether it’s sports, art, business, or dating, the hardest part is at the start.

In 2005, the tire company I worked for considered me one of the best salesman in the district. Back in 2001 though, the first customer I ever served as a salesman had so little confidence in me (as a result of my obvious slowness, jitters, and uncertainty) that at one point she stopped me cold, looked me dead in the eye, and told me: “You’d better not fuck up my car.”

In 2006, I’d perform my music for people and they would flip out and tell me I should be on the radio. But in 2002, when I first began to make music, most of what I got was a barrage of hate, telling me my music sucked, I sucked, and (probably the most oft-repeated phrase I got), “Kill yourself, faggot.”

And in 2010, I was doing well enough with girls that I reached a point where my ideal girlfriend-quality girls became a breeze for me to get, and I knew if I went out and picked up hard enough, I could probably find a girl to take home (it might not necessarily be easy – a lot of that is down to luck... but doable). Yet, when I made my first real efforts to meet girls via cold approach in 2001, I failed so hard that I didn’t even try again for another 3.5 years.

I’ve watched a lot of guys get good with girls over the years, and most don’t suck as hard as I did at the beginning, or for nearly as long. Nevertheless, I share these examples to introduce a concept it’s important you get: that the beginning is the hardest part.

If you can get past this part, it gets easier and easier from there.

6 Things that Make a Girl Harder (or Easier) to Get

girl harder to get
Guys often think a girl’s hotness = how hard to get she is. But there’s a lot more to it than just her looks. 6 more things, in fact.

Men often think hot women are harder to get than women of average looks. The usual rationale here is that hot women are AWARE of their hotness, which leads them to grow pickier in the mating game. Being hot, a girl is regularly hit on by men, and gets used to her surroundings telling her she’s beautiful.

Even though there is some truth to this theory, in today’s post we’re going to have a look at six of the other things that come into play... Six more variables that help to shape the how difficult (or not) you’ll find it to seduce a particular girl. Beyond and below these six things, we will see there are so many key variables that one might wonder if it’s even worthwhile to dwell much on them.

The quick answer to that last question is no... Dwelling on the various items that make a girl easier or harder to get has little (if any) effect on your actual in-field performance. Reason for this being that it’s very often hard and even impossible to tell at the start of things whether a girl will be hard to get or easy.

Not only is it hard to tell whether a girl is hard to get, even with the knowledge of all the variables at play, but it is very difficult to pin point which variable is actually having an impact on a particular girl... Plus how that variable affects the difficulty level of picking her up.

That being said, I believe awareness of these other factors might challenge the common (limiting) belief that just because a girl is hot she is hard to get (we might call this the “only hotness matters” belief). The notion that a girl is hard to get as a result of being hot might sometimes be the case but is far from always the case. Remove this mental limitation, and you may even start to feel more confident when you approach hotter girls.

Lastly, I also believe you’ll find this article an interesting read in itself (or at least I hope so!). Let’s have a look at those variables.

You Only Get One Second Chance

she re-approaches
Talk’s over and she’s gone away. Then there she is: she re-approaches you. Get the re-approach right and she’s yours. But mess up, and, well...

Cold approach is hard.

You get a brief moment with a stranger, and if you do well she gives you some windows. Sometimes things reach a natural end though, where you don’t get the girl then, but it’s time for things to end.

You take her phone number, plan to meet her later, and that’s it for now.

Or maybe it hadn’t gotten that far, and you just say farewell.

Sometimes if she really likes you though... And she starts to feel like she should’ve made her interest clearer or left a window open for you... She will return.

She’ll present herself again, and she will give you a second chance.

She’ll re-approach you, or give you an explicit verbal or nonverbal signal.

But if you don’t jump on her re-approach, that’s usually going to be it.

You’re finished if you miss it.

You might have another shot with her later if you know her via social circle... If you fix attainability and build the preselection to interest her in you again.

However, if it’s cold approach, 99 times out of 100 you’ll just never see her again.

What to Do When a Girl Rebuffs You

girl rebuffs you
What do you do when she rolls her eyes or sticks her hand in you face? How you handle it is down to if it’s a soft rebuff or a hard one.

Three girls in a nightclub, dressed flashy, keeping to themselves. The redhead was in a shiny, sexy beige dress. The blonde was in tight jean shorts and a white top with no bra. They had an older gal with them, perhaps late 30s, curly black hair and defiant.

I watched one man walk up to them, get spurned, roll off.

Another guy approached; snubbed, and he left.

So, I waited. And after a time, I saw my opening: we’d all moved out to a quieter part of the venue, and at some point the three girls moved out into the same area, out of the loud dance club part.

I was with a few friends who were good with girls but weren’t habitual cold approachers, and they debated whether to make an approach or not. I was just there to spend time with my friends, not to meet girls per se. But I set down my glass and walked over to them.

The girls saw me coming and closed ranks; another sad man to reject. When I reached them, the older gal gave me a half second of eye contact before she put her hand up in my face dismissively and turned away; the blonde wouldn’t look, and the redhead stared off, a bitchy look on her face.

A minute later, I had all three girls laughing and smiling with me. And when after I chatted with my friend, who’d watched the whole thing, all he could ask me was, “What did you say to them?”

5 Signs a Club is Good to Meet Girls At

nightclub meet girls
How do you know which nightclub is good to meet girls at? Because it’s almost never the popular club. Here are 5 signs to help you find the best nighttime venue.

Not all clubs are equal. Some think that success with girls is all about knowing how to pick up chicks. Yet in truth, it is logistics: everything that surrounds the process plays a key role in the process.

Have you ever noticed how you never or very rarely get laid in those super famous or popular local clubs? Everybody seem to love them and vouch for them, yet every time you head there you get nowhere.

I will discuss why that is so in this post.

In addition to that, there are a few signs one should keep in mind when selecting a venue. These signs will stand out to you after you read this article... Yet these aren’t signs regular men are aware of usually. This post and its five (5) signs will make club game much more enjoyable/effective.

Now keep in mind that no clubs are perfect... Or at least, very few are. However looking out for the best possible venue is key. Clubs that score positive on several of the factors in this post do exist. Yet, there also are far too many clubs that score low on every factor we’ll discuss – and yet those clubs may become popular regardless.

Let us begin with our first sign a club is good to meet girls at, and examine a common misconception... Namely, that huge clubs are the best clubs.

A Few Thoughts on MGTOW: Men Going Their Own Ways

MGTOW
What is the MGTOW movement all about? Do MGTOWs reject women, love, sex, and society? Or is the phenomenon about something else...?

On my article “Quit Letting Girls Off the Hook So Much”, Jimbo asks for my take on the MGTOW movement:

That whole MGTOW movement. It seems to have gained steam lately. Their two main talking points are: – Women want to spend their prime years screwing around bad boys and then when they become less desirable they want to settle down with a good man to provide for them. So screw it, I’m not gonna be neither! – Marriage is a trap wherein in a woman grabs her man by the nuts because of all the divorce laws that favor her hugely nowadays and also because of her greedy nature. So screw it, no marriage from this guy!

Yeah, the whole MGTOW thing is an interesting phenomenon.

I’ve clashed with MGTOWs on occasion when they get into the whole ‘rah rah join our cause’ routine... I’m not really the club-joining sort.

But the rah rah MGTOWs aren’t necessarily representative of the movement overall. So what I’d like to do today is take a look at the ‘men going their own way’ movement and share some thoughts on it from a somewhat broader perspective.