Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

The Right Way to Use Defiance to Make Progress with Girls


defiance

If you’re reading a site like Girls Chase, there’s a fairly good chance you’re a rather defiant, rebellious, countercultural individual to some extent:

  • You’ve got the whole of mainstream dating advice telling you to ‘just be yourself’ and wish upon a star and the right girl will come along if you just wait long enough, and any girl who doesn’t like you, well, that’s her problem, because you’re perfect as-is.

  • You’ve got legions of nice guys out there swamping the radio with the tragic tales of the women who’ve cheated on them and broken their hearts, and drowning the theaters and television stations with romantic comedies that depict them losing women again and again to the bad boy until finally, one day, the girl realizes she’s tired of hooking up with sexy bad boys and wants someone who isn’t going to break her heart for the long-term, and there’s Mr. Nice Guy, ready to sweep up the pieces of her broken heart and try to heal and fix her with marriage.

  • You’ve got women themselves telling you they don’t even like all those sexy guys they have sex with, and you should just stay the way they are and don’t change one bit. Don’t worry, someday when she’s done with the bad boys, you may yet get your shot with her.

  • You’ve got the downers, who want you to know it’s impossible to get girls if you don’t have movie star looks, investment banker income, basketball player height, and the right racial background.

  • You’ve even got books like The Game telling you you just need to memorize a few tricks, learn a few routines, and then basically repeat this script with every girl, and the flood gates will open up.

Yet, somehow, you’ve ended up here, studying the nuances of various tactics, fundamentals, and abilities, and coming at doing better with women in a systematic, skill-based way, where you mix experimentation and good old fashioned elbow grease to achieve the results you desire with women (whatever those results may be).

It’s pretty obvious you’re a defiant personality type... or at the very least, you’ve stumbled in here and are feeling defiance toward many of those other people and sources of information telling you to do things this way or that.

That brings me to today’s cautionary tale: be careful whom you’re defying.

Because defiance, improperly aimed, can be as big a handicap as it can a helper.

Quit Procrastinating and Go Meet a Bunch of Girls This Week


procrastination

“What are you WAITING for!?”

The question runs through almost all the advice I mete out on seduction. Big part of the advice I see other guys give, too.

A student from a coaching session stands around, hesitating to approach.

“What are you waiting for!?”

A lover complains about how she’s unable to live her dream of being a professional dancer.

“What are you waiting for!?”

A friend is hung up on a single girl, and unwilling to move on with his life.

“What are you waiting for!?”

People sure spend a lot of time waiting.

You could grow old waiting for most people to finish waiting. Or you could even meet a girl, sleep with her, and have an entire wonderful relationship with her during the same time other men spend looking for the “right moment” to chat with that girl from work or class or wherever she’s from.

But, you know – “What are you waiting for!?” – if you can internalize this utterly electric anti-procrastination attitude, you will be 90% of the way to becoming the man you know you really can be.

If only you stopped putting everything off till tomorrow though, or got up on time, or got that job... then you’d be ready to buckle down and really get to work... right?

Wrong.

19 Common Ways Women Object to Men (and How to Beat These)


women object

It’s frustrating as all get-out when things are going swell with a gal, only for her to suddenly pull out a trick you haven’t seen before and BLAM! You’re blindsided, floundering, and she’s lost interest.

These are commonly referred to as ‘tests’, but, as mentioned in my latest newsletter (which you’ve either received already, or will soon, if you’re signed up for the Girls Chase newsletter), all tests really are is a woman inviting you to flirt.

Flirt well, and her comfort with you goes up. She relaxes... “Ah, okay. This guy really is as cute as I hoped he was.”

The ability to flirt successfully is THE most important part of attraction and seduction... men who can do it succeed regularly with women well above their looks, smarts, and income brackets. Men who can’t struggle to get women with a fraction of their paper credentials.

One component of flirting is the knowledge of how to respond to various themes and patterns you see again and again with girls. That largely comes from experience – you meet enough girls, flirt with enough of them, and you start to see and hear the same objections again and again, and gradually begin to build up a repertoire of responses you’ve cooked up to dismantle these objections.

Before we dive into this one, I recommend reading or rereading these articles, because the base understanding of what is going on is more important for your progress than a handful of memorized responses:

Also, these four, crucial for being able to respond to ‘tests’ in attractive ways:

That done, let’s arm you with some go-to responses for some of the most frequent objections you’re likely to encounter.

IMPORTANT NOTE: when we look at responses below, keep in mind that the type of response depends upon how the objection is delivered. The same words can be used in wholly different ways. For instance, if a woman tells you, “I will never sleep with you,” and she says it in a sexy voice while leaning in and grinning at you, that’s a categorically different kind of objection than if she leans back with a look of disgust on her face, crosses her arms, looks off into the distance, and then says, “I will never sleep with you.”

My Rules for Making Cold Approach a Part of Daily Life


cold approach

How do you make cold approach – going up and meeting women you don’t yet know – a regular thing?

I was already planning to write about this, then I saw the comment of a reader who was asking how to keep getting better at seduction while taking care of his day to day life. Here’s the comment:

It’s the part of “managing girls” and having to keep approaching to keep our skill honed that’s so true!

I’m still an intermediate (approaching is no longer as fearful, and it just happens); I only have a few new good leads every month but already have issue setting up dates in a week.

Combining that with school, I can easily forget about other work I have and get sucked into approaching and socializing at networking events.

Since, like everything else, seduction also needs consistent practice to keep top ability, do you have any tips on juggling everything and not losing focus on one or the other?

The answer is deceptively simple: discipline. I’m not here to tell anyone what to do, but I certainly know what I do and what works for me. This stuff about fitting cold approach into my daily life is a bit tricky and, in fact, I consider it the most determining and important aspect of this game. My results have a lot more to do with how much time I spend infield, rather than what I say when I am in set.

How to Not be Needy: Small Scarcity & Big Scarcity


not be needy

The other day, one of the advanced members of our Girls Chase forums asked me about how you root out scarcity in all its forms, and how to resist the sometimes overpowering urge to give into it.

Scarcity can spring naturally from the situations you find yourself in, but it may also be engineered: individuals (and organizations) who understand the value of scarcity can also use it to make themselves more in-demand and attract higher value friends, mates, and associates. It’s all around us, pervades what we do, and we use it on each other, intentionally or inadvertently, non-stop. As you become an increasingly valuable individual socially, there will be more and more people who feel scarcity interacting with you (or trying to), and usually there will still always be someone or something you yourself continue to feel it with or for.

Scarcity takes many forms:

  • You meet a girl who’s super hot and perfect for you and you can’t help feeling nervous around her and acting different around her

  • You reach a point in a relationship where you find yourself going back and forth over whether staying with this girl is what you really want, but feeling unsure whether you’re ready to give her up

  • You reach a point in a relationship where your girlfriend is clearly going back and forth over whether staying with you is clearly what she really wants, and it makes you feel helpless

  • You find yourself working a job that’s pretty good, but not perfect, and while some part of you wants to leave, another part isn’t sure if other jobs are necessarily better... and you may be safer just staying right where you are

  • You find yourself talking with a salesman who seems to be offering something you might be interested in, but he’s pushing you for a decision now and you’re not sure whether to take the plunge or beg off

In any of these scenarios and a whole lot more, scarcity, in one of its many forms, snakes its way into your heart and tightens its grip around your psyche.

Possibly on its own; possibly due to the machinations of those around you.

Sometimes you may fight free from scarcity, yet some of the time it gets you. And sometimes the end result is okay and you get the thing you felt needy toward and the thing turns out to be worthwhile, while other times you realize sooner or later you settled for something less than what you could’ve had... had you been a little braver. Or you tripped over your own two feet in your attempt to secure it, and chucked yourself out of the running in the process.

How do you combat the creeping feeling of neediness you get whenever you wind up in a truly scarce position, and instead remain calm, measured, and effective?

Girls Chase Podcast Interviews Ep. 10: Alek Rolstad


Girls Chase Podcast

In Girls Chase Podcast Interview #10, host Varoon Raja talks to Girls Chase author Alek Rolstad about sex talk, sexual prizing, and Alek’s strategies for framing himself as the lover with women.

Alek and Varoon discuss topics including:

How to Eat a Girl Out: Tips from an Ex-Porn Star


eat a girl out

Note from Chase: this is a guest post from Big Mike, ex-porn star and author of Secrets to Lasting Longer. Here’s Mike’s detailed guide on how to eat a girl out.


Women secretly desire to find a man who knows how to eat a girl out... otherwise known as “perform cunnilingus.” It has even been said that some women simply give up on men and become either bisexual or fully lesbian because they cannot get a guy to do it right.

The problem is exacerbated by most men who don’t want to take directions or instruction. Sound familiar? All of us guys have a tendency to not want to stop and ask for directions, even when we are totally lost. I get it. Been there, done that.

Let’s face it. It’s embarrassing to admit that we don’t know what we are doing. And to think that other guys know how to do it better than us is a real challenge to our egos.

The problem is that most women don’t come with an instruction manual in their panties. And to make matters worse, they don’t want to tell you what to do. Why? Because they feel that you should already know, even though hardly any of us were ever taught how to do it right.

We get stuck in a catch-22 situation where they don’t want to tell us what to do, and we don’t want to ask.

Tactics Tuesdays: How to Approach Lots of Girls (Without Spam Approaching)


One of the easiest ways to develop skill with women is cold approach, and one of the greatest progress accelerators when you go out is to talk to lots of girls.

spam approach

There’s a problem with talking to lots of girls, however, and the problem is that in many guys this quickly devolves into ‘spam approaching’.

Spam sucks, and it hardly works. The good email programs are effective at keeping most spam email in your spam box. On websites, the good spam filters keep most of it out of the comments sections, but some still slips through (we probably delete about 50 spam comments every day here). Despite the filtering, deleting, and quarantining, there’s still a market for it, because it still works... sometimes.

However, the volume has to be high, and the margins are slim.

This is not a practical approach to use for meeting girls.

Nevertheless, sometimes men can fall into ‘spam approaching’ to meet their volume quotas (or simply because it’s the one thing they know to do).

There is a better way, however.

What to Do to Date Women from Different Social Scenes


women social scenes

“Why don’t these sorority girls like me?”

I asked myself that question for four years. At parties, I would see them hooking up with guys who I knew were not as attractive as me and were half as interesting, but here I was surrounded by guys who all looked, walked, and talked the same, and yet I was going home empty-handed. At first I thought it was a race thing. I am African American and Indian, the girls I was pursuing were Southern white women, but that wasn’t the case. I had black friends who were in frats that had no problems with sorority girls.

I graduated without figuring out why girls would rather go for a guy who’s just like the rest than a guy who’s different. It wasn’t until I had traveled the world and dated all types of backgrounds, did I realize what was keeping me from bedding these sorority girls.

The issue was that I wasn’t playing their game.

Think about this: these girls had invested thousands of dollars to be part of Greek life. They spent hours a week devoted to their sorority, and even more time talking about their group. Their sorority determined what they wore, how they talked, and who they dated.

So why would they choose to date a guy who wasn’t invested in that reality at all?

Nobody Owes You Nothin’


nobody owes you nothingIn a comment on my article “In Seduction, “You” Don’t Matter (But Her Emotions Do)”, a commenter who dubs himself ‘Enlightened’ left the following remark:

This article seems to suggest that women care more about what you can do for them and how those actions make them feel vs what they can do for you. It’s very much important about what they deduce they can get if they stick around with you. Is this correct? If so, how does this sentiment vary by country and across the world? If this is correct, then why should men pursue women at all when ultimately all he is to a woman is a talking dildo?

Now, in case you haven’t read this article or skimmed over the part Enlightened is referring to, my point was twofold – that:

  1. When people meet someone new, they evaluate him on value and attainability – essentially, how valuable does this new person appear to be, and how accessible is that value of his?

  2. Once someone has spent a longer period of time with another individual (say, perhaps, 80 to 100 hours?), he begins to form a real attachment to this person, and begins to want the best for him, care for him, and deeply understand and empathize with him – however, this connection is only formed with time; it is not instantaneous

Enlightened may have missed that latter part and only zeroed in on the part that raised his ire, so he may not necessarily be guilty of the following mindset. However, I have noticed there is a distinct minority of men who stumble onto this site (supposedly stumbling in here from places like Reddit, or some manner of MGTOW websites and forums) who think point #1 is totally unreasonable in all circumstances – at least, for other people.

They still judge others by the value they present to their lives, and how attainable those others are. However, they believe they themselves should be exempted from this.

That they are special, and entitled to special breaks from the rules they expect of others.

Mindsets like this are a product of a world replete with advertising and feel-good messages designed to make you feel like you deserve honor, respect, and everything your heart desires, merely for breathing. I rarely if ever encounter this mentality outside the West. However, it’s ubiquitous among the more radical elements of Western feminists, men’s rights advocates, and ‘men going their own way’.

In this post, I challenge you to break free from slavery to the mindset TV commercials, magazine ads, and now even much (most?) of the Western education system do their darnedest to instill in you, and to instead adopt the manliest, most liberating, most self-reliant mindset there is on Planet Earth:

Nobody owes you nothin’.

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