Relationships

There are two types of people in the world, romantically-speaking:

• Those who always date the right person, and
• Those who always date the wrong person
  

The people who always date the right person are fairly consistently happy, contented, and have wonderful views of the opposite sex. They think dating is grand, and they’re still friends with their exes. Or at least they think warmly of them.

The people who always date the wrong person are fairly consistently ticked off, resentful, or disappointed, and often have scathing views of the opposite sex. They think dating is a grind, and they’re confused and unhappy, or even mortal enemies with their exes... when they’re not trying to get their exes back again, that is.

This article is about why people fall into one of these camps or the other: why some people always date the right person, and why others always date the wrong one.

I see a lot of guys in relationships where they just aren’t getting their needs met:

• The guy crushing on a girl who doesn’t return his affections
• The guy taking girls on date after date yet nothing ever happens
• The guy trapped in a relationship where he’s the ‘one down’
  

... and I always say to myself, “That seems silly, why don’t they just either fix the situation or get out?”

It seems straightforward enough: if she does not meet your needs, then you either

• Fix the situation,
• Make HER fix the situation, or
• Replace her
  

Yet, human emotion is not so simple, and once a guy’s is invested in a girl, it’s often hard to pull himself away, even if the situation is not ideal.

So, that in mind, I want to take a look at how men end up in these unsatisfactory positions... and I want to give you some advice on what to do, should you find yourself stuck in a similar pit of tar, unable to get free and sinking ever downward.

I recently was privy to a conversation between a handful of women in their early- to mid-thirties. They were for the most part quite attractive and confident, and their careers were solid and their paychecks healthy. The conversation went something like this:

Girl 1: I’m someone who thought she’d always be single her entire life and never get married. But I had to take care of my aging mother when my father was in the hospital, and I realized someday that will be me and it might really be nice to have someone around to look after me when I’m like that.

Girl 2: I never thought I’d want to get married either. I’m still not sure if marriage is what I want, but as I get older I think more and more it’d be nice to have a companion.

Girl 1: Exactly. But I’d never settle! I’d only get married if someone was truly the right match for me.

Girl 3: You should never accept someone who isn’t the right match for you. The right person will come along sooner or later; you just have to have the patience to wait for him.

Girl 2: That’s a beautiful way to put it.

Girl 1: Totally right.

You may hear something like this and think, “For a group of smart, educated, professionally successful women, they sure don’t seem to be able to think or communicate about love in any way that doesn’t rely on romcom tropes and tired clichés.”

And, you’d be right.

However, before you judge these gals silly for the naïveté of their talking points, I’d caution you to be aware that this is a common trap people fall into in societies that abandon educating their youths on life history... and men fall into it every bit as much as women.

In this podcast – the first of a two-parter – Varoon and I talk relationships: starting them, setting expectations properly, converting girls from new lays to regular partners, and the different relationship structures you can set up with women.

A selection of topics Varoon and I discuss:

Last week, I tackled the common pickup / manosphere belief that the ‘alpha provider’ is a myth: both why men in these communities often think this way, as well as why men who actually are alpha providers don’t usually find their ways into such communities to bother providing themselves as counterexamples to the claims of their non-existence.

Today we dive into the ‘how to’ side of things.

How do you avoid the gradual erosion of authority in a long-term relationship with a woman, and instead retain her attraction, respect, and deference?

How do you continue to be the lover, even when you assume the role of provider as well?

I’ve broken it down here into seven (7) rules: four of them external/behavior based, and three of them internal/mentality based.

We’ll start with behavior, and move to mentalities.

Here we go.

Why do you never hear from what the Internet’s dubbed ‘alpha providers’ – men who keep the pants on in their relationships, even over the long-term?

The morose tales of men who have become ‘beta providers’, who have gone through the ‘betaization process’... men who’ve lost the drive, strength, and ambition of their youths and become punching bags for their women... these men’s tales are all over the Internet.

Yet, you hear nary a peep from their opposites, those men in provider roles who remain the captains of their ships.

Is it because they’re quiet?

Or, because they do not exist?

A commenter named Insidious Sid, weighing in on Alek’s post on sexual economics, remarks:

“This “lover turned provider” idea is the biggest load of blue-pill nonsense ever to hit the internet. Once she “has you”, no matter how alpha you were, you now have provider status. She “conquered” you, and now she will be sexually attracted to OTHER alpha males who she has yet to conquer. Women like conquest just as much as men do. Men get bored after they conquer the trophy wife and cheat on amazing looking women – and most men think “Wow, I’d never do that.” Well, he’ll never get the chance. Conversely, the female will cheat on even a high value male and people will gasp “But he’s such a high value male, why would she cheat on / divorce / ruin a good man?” Same reason. Once a person, man or woman, has a member of the opposite sex in the “co-committed long-tern relationship (tm)” this is a whole new power dynamic. One part of “red pill theory” I think has it wrong is that you can “game your own wife” and alpha-up and keep the other alphas out the door. It’s a great theory, but my theory is once she gets the ring on your finger and you sign up for the house, mortgage, the full meal family deal, you also sign up for divorce, alimony and child support. Guys, let’s be real. Decent, handsome and successful lawyers, doctors and athletes are going through the divorce and family law meat grinder just like regular men are, albeit likely in smaller numbers. The point is the institution of marriage and being a provider is a sour deal for a man of ANY status. He’s got more to lose than gain regardless of his position in the mating arena.

*REAL* Alphas have nothing to DO with ANY of that crap. They bed the top females and move on. They’re not there to pay, they’re there to play.

There is no such thing as an Alpha Provider. He’s the mythical creature all women want, and they know he *does not exist* so they try to convert Mr. Alpha into Mr. Alpha/Beta hybrid and what happens? She will ultimately fail. She will be the subject of many a rom com – the Cinderella trying to turn the successful handsome worry free aloof guy into the exact same man, but also loyal, sweet, caring... think a shirtless Matthew McConaughey... rocking a swaddled infant in the baby room he just painted. This is the fantasy of every woman alive. Alpha looks, money and prowess with the servitude and commitment and *caring* of the beta provider. This is mother nature’s cruel joke on women – letting them think in their hamster-driven minds that such a feat is possible.

Alpha males can become beta providers. Beta providers can stop *CARING* and *PROVIDING* for women/children, get in shape, get fashionable, get a better crib, get some game... but perhaps they are just physiologically wired to provide. Perhaps they will never *naturally* exude the kind of confidence a real natural-born Alpha does.

Interesting and well written article, but I think it’s got some major blue-pill philosophy in there, stuff that’s already been disproved in the field, so to speak.”

Another way of putting what Sid’s weighed in here with is like so:

You only have two (2) options-

1. Be the single bachelor forever, and forever bounce from girl-to-girl
   
2. Take a girl long-term and become a doormat
   

Sounds depressing. You’re either trapped perpetually in hedonism, which is fun until it gets stale a decade or so in (usually sooner), or... you’re somebody’s doormat.

Well, spoiler, I’m going to tell you that’s a whole lot of hooey... but so are the mainstream ideology of “the man’s REALLY in charge, even if the woman bosses him around a bit” and the pickup ideology of “you have to game your wife”.

Instead, I’m going to tell you about something else. Namely, being a legitimate alpha provider.

Note from Chase: this is a guest post from David Carreras, a sex coach who goes by the nickname Mr. Manpower. His topic today is men’s three (3) biggest sexual issues... and what you may do to overcome them. Here’s David.

I am not considered the most attractive of men.

While my facial features have been characterized as “handsome”, I’m only 5’7”, and I am bald as well (luckily, I’m a good dresser, and at least somewhat muscular). Not exactly the perfect example of tall, dark, and handsome.

However, thanks to powerful sexual knowledge I’ve amassed over the years, I now know I’m able to get the job done when I bring a woman home, I can approach the sexiest of women anywhere, and deep down, I know that I can control that sexy goddess all with the push of a button (literally).

All of this makes me intriguing to women... they often wonder “what does he have... why is he so sure of himself?... there’s something there”.

I wasn’t always like this, though... as a matter of fact, I used to suffer pretty badly from performance anxiety, premature ejaculation, and having no idea how to get a woman off.

Luckily, the following techniques helped me gain control in each of these areas, giving some backbone to my “game”.