Relationships

An * digger is a girl who picks which guy to date via one single quality: his muscles, or skin color, or wallet, or military status, or more.

In my article on how to avoid divorce rape, I discussed wife screening. In particular, I talked about how to screen out gold diggers, social climbers, and husband hunters. A reader didn’t like this, and took a mocking tone toward the act of screening out undesirables:

“Really good article. Especially that pick the right wife part.

Do you plan on writing an article on screening out muscle* diggers?

There are some evil women out there who dig muscular men. They want to look at your muscles, touch it, ask you to hug them, to lift something etc.

“What’s the problem?” you might ask.

The problem is that those women don’t like you for you like yo mamma does. They don’t give you ego validation. If you were skinny, they wouldn’t even look at you.

What advice would you give to muscular guys?

Would you tell them to slouch, hide their muscles, wear oversized clothes, get fat asap?

You might think that I’m just jealous of those guys and trying to sabotage them... you might think that I’m in auto-rejection by calling those women evil, superficial when I realize that I’ll only ever be able to jerk off to their Instagram photos at best. I’m not.

__

* you can substitute this with fashion, popularity, credentials, nice haircut, tatoos etc.”

Mockery aside, he has a point: there really ARE * diggers... and you often will want to screen them out. (I’ll likely do a second article sometime soon about the weird recent Western trend of not screening wives and girlfriends more specifically, too)

In today’s article, we’ll talk about why to screen, in case you haven’t been burned by women before and you aren’t convinced a woman would ever use a man. But then we’ll talk practical solutions. Since, obviously, totally concealing your best qualities (e.g., getting fat ASAP) will usually be counterproductive.

If she’s calling him loyal on social media, she thinks her boyfriend’s a chump. See all 5 ways to tell social media champs from chumps.

Social media is, like celebrity gossip, a waste of time.

But like celebrity gossip, it’s also a direct view into human psychology at its most brutal and honest – if you can see past the Snapchat filters and fake love.

With this article, I hope to show you how seemingly empty entertainment, like social media, can actually grant insight into how women use public displays of affection to signal their own value as a mate and, inadvertently, shame their boyfriends.

Craigslist is a great resource for those living The Lifestyle – swinging, sex parties, and more. There are 6 worthwhile categories on CL, and each needs its own approach.

This is Part 2 of my series on “The Lifestyle”, on sex parties, orgies, swinging, and polyamory. You can read Part 1 of the series here: “The Lifestyle, Part 1: How to Get Into Sex Parties, Swinging, and Polyamory.” In today’s article, we’ll talk about how to find new partners on Craigslist.

An author named Esther Perel has become really famous for turning public discourse on infidelity and the nature of human sexuality on its head.

She has focused on the question: Why do good people cheat?

Esther – along with many other historians and thinkers – has posited that human beings were never designed to be monogamous. While designed to be in groups, we are primates who are constantly shifting in sexual desires and sexual partners. She adds that monogamy has served more as power structure and agrarian vestige than anything else.

Those societies that held chastity as a sacred virtue often had stricter discipline and enjoyed economic and military conquest. Moreover, young women from various fiefdoms and kingdoms were married off to princes and kings of other fiefdoms and kingdoms in order to form alliances and unions.

In the agrarian age, marriage was a sensible safeguard to produce a family that could help a mother and father till land, and produce goods that would bolster future generations.

Thus, monogamy has always had a sensible function in the human dynamic. But it has never been about love. Perel argues that the combining of monogamy with love was a way to justify a seemingly strange practice.

But biologically speaking, it’s rather unreasonable to say that you do not deeply care about someone or even love them if you don’t have a desire to sleep with only them for 50+ years.

And this tension generates the conundrum that a lot of good people face: their biology versus their vows. Perel argues that ultimately, biology has the stronger pull. And so that is why good people end up engaging in infidelity.

And it is also from this tension that The Lifestyle of sexual liberation was born. Perel posits one central question of her own: What if, in love, we could explore different orientations of sexual partners, situations, and desires while still maintaining a strong bond and commitment?

And it’s exactly these different orientations of love and sexual gratification that Perel explores.

In the last post, I explored “The Lifestyle” from the perspective of public events.

And now, we look at it from the private side of things. But before I dive into The Lifestyle on the private side, I want to highlight a juxtaposition that Perel outlines. She argues that in every romantic pairing (especially traditional male-female), there is always one person who is afraid of losing their partner and being alone. And there’s always one person who is afraid of losing themselves in the relationship. It’s often the person who is afraid of losing him or herself that has the stronger pull toward a more sexually liberal situation.

For any guys who are currently in, or have been in, a serious relationship: have you ever felt this way? I would imagine many have.

So a lot of couples are constantly asking how to make sure that both partners are satisfied in a pair dynamic.

And thus, that is why Perel argues that it’s ultimately healthy to explore sexuality beyond just a pair in a relationship. So in this post, I’ll go through the different orientations you are likely to see, and how to get involved in these myriad Lifestyle situations.

The next post will be dedicated to handling emotional hiccups, jealousy, and some additional resources about The Lifestyle.

To men, women can seem disloyal… Or at least, not nearly as loyal as men. What’s it take to find a loyal lady anyway?

One of the most discombobulating romantic statements I hear from men goes like this:

“I just want to find a girl that’s loyal.”

It’s not discombobulating because women can’t be loyal. Plenty of men throughout history, down through to today, have had women deeply loyal to them.

The statement discombobulates, rather, because you cannot ‘find’ loyal women. Any more than you can dig deep into a diamond mine in search of engagement rings, or wander into the African savanna on the lookout for trained circus lions. You may find diamonds in the diamond mine, but you won’t find rings; you might find lions in the savanna, but they won’t be trained. So it is with women.

Some women are more inclined toward loyalty than others, it’s true. But women by nature are opportunistic. They are romantic guns-for-hire, ready to serve whoever makes the best offer... and eminently practical when the lord they’d hoped to sign on with is unable or unwilling to give them the agreement they need.

“I want to find a loyal woman” is a foundational misunderstanding of female psychology. It projects male values onto female prospects.

But women aren’t men. And the way they think about loyalty, treat it, and uphold or enforce it is very, very different.

So you want to modify a girlfriend’s behavior. Yet if you come out and say, “I want you to change,” you’ll offend. You must employ subtler means.

I was talking with my best friend the other day. He’s married but still occasionally reads Girls Chase. Plus, we talk all the time, so he’s bound to hear about girls and then talk about them.

One of his particular interests in relationship management right now is using social media to change the behavior of one’s girlfriend or wife.

We’ve discussed operant conditioning with relationships before. Encourage and reward what behavior you like; ignore the behavior you don’t.

But what we haven’t discussed too much is how to get the ball rolling with operant conditioning – how do you show her what you want her to do?

After a long talk on the phone with my buddy, we came up with a good system for guys in relationships to follow.

What do you do when your girl makes out with another man? You could challenge him, pull her away, jet yourself… but what’s best?

It is an unfortunate scenario when your girl flirts with another guy in front of you. This post will have a very report-like tone, as I will use a case study to discuss this issue and present solutions. I will also discuss the implications of the choices I make in the narrative so you’ll get to see how the concepts are applied in real life.

No matter how experienced you are, you will face situations like these, and knowing how to deal with them is key. Therefore, I hope this post will be useful to any of you who have had, or may experience, times when your date, girlfriend, or booty call ends up flirting explicitly with a guy right in front of you.

Note that in this article, I am not talking about random girls you just met in a club. These require different strategies, although some of the concepts here may apply.

Hot girls are (usually) higher maintenance. The reason? Higher dating market value means she can demand more – and will.

I had a beautiful, intelligent, ambitious girlfriend in the room with me when I finally got through to the state’s Department of Revenue to ask about a somewhat large tax bill I’d gotten. It was a weird tax situation, where I thought I’d paid all the taxes I owed, and yet I received this letter saying I had back taxes and need to pay now or they were going to come and get me.

So I called the department, got a very nice, jovial guy on the phone, he looked through my record, and was as stumped as I was. He admitted several times my case was outside his usual depth and he suggested I get legal counsel to look at this issue. He was as unsure about whether I actually was legally obligated to pay this tax or not.

Anyway, I got off the phone and my girlfriend, who’d been lying on the bed, said, “Well?” And I said well, the guy at the tax department doesn’t know either. So I can get some legal counsel and see what they have to say. Or I can just pay it and be done with it. Or I could...

And then she flipped out. “You don’t owe that tax. And you would just pay it? I just lost a lot of respect for you,” she told me. And then she stormed out of the room.

I didn’t have a chance to say well wait a second, I think there’s a pretty good chance I actually DO owe this tax. I didn’t get to mention that I just got new information and was in the process of processing my options, and since she asked me immediately she heard Chase thinking out loud.

She simply immediately sprung to, “He shouldn’t have to pay this. I think he is just going to roll over and pay it anyway. Therefore, he is weak. Thus, I am disgusted with him. Why am I with a weak man?”

(for the record, the odds I would actually pay something, no matter how large or small, without making sure I absolutely owed it first are near-zero. But I will not rule out an option until I’ve examined all my options)

I eventually explained the situation, and this girlfriend chilled back out. But not before she’d locked herself in a room to make it impossible for me to resolve the situation with her, leaving me to stew with the negative emotions she’d just dumped on me. Thanks, babe.

You might be thinking Man, that girlfriend sounds like a bitch! Well, every girlfriend I take has a low tolerance for perceived weakness. Yet it’s not just me either... every man I know with a genuinely hot girlfriend deals with stuff like this too. It is not a fluke; it’s a pattern: hotter girls are higher maintenance.