The continuing and ongoing encounters and involvement you maintain with a woman once you've slept together and become intimate -- whether weeks or months or years -- or more.

Why the ‘Bid for Connection’ is Crucial to Your Relationship

“Any good dreams last night?”

“How was your day today?”

“You’ll never believe what happened to me.”

bid for connection

There are normal little communication bits and pieces you’ll encounter in relationships. They seem pretty small and trivial, and superficially they are.

However, these little questions or statements – called ‘bids for connection’ by Professor Emeritus John M. Gottman, Ph.D. – have big impacts on relationship health.

That’s because any time you make a bid for connection, or a gal you’re with makes one toward you, it goes one of two ways:

  • You or she accept the bid (Gottman calls this ‘turn towards’)
  • Or you or she ignore the bid (Gottman calls this ‘turn away’)

How often these little bids are turned toward or away from makes a world of difference, it turns out.

Women Will Date the “Wrong Guy” If the “Right One” Isn’t Free

Recently had a discussion with one of our forum members about some odd behavior he was seeing from a former girlfriend who works in his office.

They’d had a friends with benefits relationship for about half a year, before she broke things off with him to enter a committed relationship with another man.

What confused him the most, however, was that this girl had seemed to like him more, yet she still went off to date the wrong guy anyway. Her new guy has some pretty big downsides, too: he’s jealous and controlling. He’s forbid his girlfriend from having any contact with her ex from our forum, and monitors her phone calls and texting.

date the wrong guy

What this forum member asked me was, “Why would she date this guy when she already had me?”

The answer, of course, was that he wasn’t available for the kind of relationship this girl needed – so even if he would’ve been her first choice for that role, he simply wasn’t an option she could choose from on the shelf.

4 Steps to Give Women Orgasmic Anal Sex

anal sexI wasn’t always a fan of anal sex.

Used to be that when girls asked me for it, my erection would disappear and I’d lose all interest in sex of any sort after that. I mean, gross. And in any event, her pussy’s right there; why would I want to stick it in her butt?

As I got older, I became less of a stick in the mud and decided to give anal more of a chance. Eventually, I discovered that, done right, women absolutely loved it, and soon I enjoyed it a fair bit too.

The fear for her, that comes with accepting you into the wrong hole... the thrill she feels at doing something taboo... and the pure pleasure that comes with an opening packed to the brim with nerve endings swallowing up your manhood into it, its sanctity at the mercy of it... all these things contribute to the emotional and physical excitement of it for her.

And, if you’re executing anal sex technically correct, with an aim towards supplying anal orgasms, your member will be hitting her vagina from the other side, a truly intense and orgasmic experience.

As a man, there’s the sense that you’re dominating this woman in a way you’re not ‘supposed’ to do, and the sense that she is yielding her body to you in a way she hasn’t to too many (or perhaps any) other men. These things enhance the experience for her as well.

However, this article isn’t here to discuss the merits of anal sex (though I will cover that briefly towards the end) – I’m not here to ‘convert’ anybody.

If you’re reading this, I assume you’d like to know how to do it well, and not that you are recoiling at how gross it is (like I, well, used to).

So... let’s talk about giving her thunderous orgasms, through her back door.

DISCLAIMER: I did really try to find some non-NC17 images for communicating the ‘position’ part to you below, but found it next to impossible to locate any images showing the position I wanted to show at all, let alone any PG-13 ones. So, there are a couple of NSFW images near the end of this post – you have been forewarned. Don’t read at the cubicle, or on the bench in the park by the local kindergarten.

Girls Chase Podcast Interviews Ep. 4: Joseph W. South

Today we’re serving up our fourth fantastic podcast interview, this time with Varoon Raja interviewing Girls Chase author Joseph W. South.

In today’s podcast, Joseph and Varoon discuss:

How to Get Rid of Jealousy (Mostly)

I came home in a blind rage. I had seen my ex-girlfriend out with one of my friends and was ready to end both of them. I walked into my house with my fists clenched and sweat dripping from my forehead. My dad noticed and immediately pulled me aside asking me what was wrong. I lied and said nothing was wrong. But after a few more pointed questions from my father, I finally caved and said why I was so upset.


“Son, you have a jealousy problem.”

“No I don’t Dad!”

There was no reasoning with me; the emotion had consumed the rational part of my brain. I wasn’t Will, I was Jealous Will. That night my dad imparted a great deal of wisdom to me. It took me years to fully understand it and another couple years to embody it. That’s not to say I never get jealous anymore. But my episodes are now nothing more than a passing inconvenience.

With the help of my dad and my life experience, I have figured out ways to discharge jealousy quickly. I have also adopted a philosophy that makes it very difficult to feel jealous in the first place.

Before I venture further, I want to establish what this post isn’t. This post is not a guide to “keeping your girl in check” or “when your jealousy is a clue that she’s cheating”, this is just about your internal state and how to have a life of less jealousy.

Modern Marriage, Part 6: How to Bounce Back From Divorce

Hey fellas, just a quick recap before we begin here:

In Part 1 of the series we explored all of the reasons why men get married.

Then in Part 2 we discussed what most men’s expectations for marriage are like, and why they most of the time are not very feasible.

Part 3 brought to us a laundry list of things that ruin marriages.

We then discovered what happens when your expectations of marriage fall short, and when and if damage control is needed in Part 4.

Most recently, in Part 5, we examined the divorce process and how to navigate it properly. Now it is finally time to figure out what the heck to do after it all shakes out.

So, welcome to the Grand Finale.

bounce back from divorce

5 Sizzling Sex Tactics Guaranteed to Make Her Purr with Pleasure

It’s an unfortunate fact, but true nonetheless: an overwhelming majority of sexual partners lack substantial knowledge as to what actually turns the other one on.

sex tactics

For one reason or another, most people nowadays are either:

  1. too ashamed,
  2. too deluded,
  3. too identified with being a spectator,
  4. too obsessed with their self-image, or
  5. simply too inexperienced

... to be particularly good in bed (the last issue is by far the easiest to remedy).

Yet if you want to be able to take on the role of the “lover” in a girl’s life, amazing sex and the opportunity to be around a man with such an exciting, stimulating presence is what you’re implicitly (and sometimes explicitly) offering the girl you’re seducing.

So in this post, I’d like to share with you some basic ways the lover looks at sex, as well as a handful of techniques that you can immediately start to use to take your sex life to the next level.

However, before we get into the tactical goodies, let’s start out with some clarification as to what good sex is... and is not.

Modern Marriage, Part 5: How to Handle the Divorce Process

Hey, guys. A quick recap of the series thus far, in case you missed any of the articles and would like to go back and read them to catch up with us:

In Part 5, we’re going to talk about what to do when your efforts to repair your marriage fail and a mutual decision is made to part ways for good.

Before we begin, I do want to note that family and divorce law varies significantly across not only continents and countries, but can even deviate a great deal within those (the degree of autonomy differs from country to country, but you get my point here).

handle divorce

Getting a divorce is extremely challenging in many ways, but probably the biggest hurdle of all is trying to work through all of the legal processes. Trying to accomplish all of it by yourself is overwhelming, and there will be many a decision that requires knowledge of the legal procedures and family law that is in place in your jurisdiction.

If you need legal advice, I strongly suggest you consult with a good family attorney with roots in your county/township/municipality who is highly familiar with the laws and processes of your local government.

So, you’re getting a divorce. It’s all utterly horrifying and you don’t know where to start! How do you manage all of this?

Modern Marriage, Part 4: When Marriage Doesn’t Match Expectations

Gentlemen, welcome back.

Today in Part 4 we are going to take a look at:

  1. What can happen when marriage doesn’t meet your expectations,

  2. What (if anything) you can and should do about it when this happens, and,

  3. A couple of things you should never do.

Because, as we found out in Part 2, let’s face it: no marriages meet all of the expectations that are set for them.


The percentage of Americans who divorce has been above 40 percent even since 1970s. There are a lot of reasons that that number is what it is. Unarguably though, is the notion that the inability to reconcile differences is what eventually makes things come to a head and is why we divorce.

Is infidelity the reason you got divorced? Roundabout, perhaps, yes. But it was really more because a reconciliation couldn’t be reached.

How about a financial crisis? Can two people just become so poor that some crazy law says they have to get a divorce? No, it’s because they can’t agree on how to repair the problem (or they just don’t).

Your marriage is never going to be as fruitful and perfect as you think it will be, and you’re going to deal with a whole slew of life problems that affect one or the both of you. It’s not the problems themselves that cause divorce to happen, it’s the people not being able to deal with them that is the biggest issue.

So what exactly happens when you end up in an unfulfilling, dead-as-nails marriage that suffers from one (or a multitude!) of the more serious relationship-downers that we discovered in Part 3?

I found that when my marriage was getting to the point where it had seen better days that the toughest thing I had to deal with by far was the shift in the balance of power that occurred when I actually started to sense things beginning to go haywire in the first place, and started scrambling to make things “right” again.

Modern Marriage, Part 3: Things That Ruin Marriages

I feel as though the perfect follow-up to our last entry in this series, Part 2: What Men Think Marriage Will Be Like, is an article exploring all the bad things that happen when your relationship doesn't turn out quite as perfect as you thought it would and the whole thing starts to go haywire.

Also, if you're just jumping in here, see Part 1, where we explain in detail reasons why guys get married in the first place.

Usually it's not any one little thing that will sour the grapes, but rather a combination of a handful of different problems that really does a relationship in.


As a married couple, you are going to constantly face life situations head-on together, and while many of these can be avoided completely and others just come with the territory, all of these that we'll talk about in this article can end up being cause for divorce and should have the kibosh put on them as soon as you observe them.

In Chase's recent article The Key to Nipping Girlfriend Drama in the Bud in LTRs, we found that you can't be non-reactive and turn a blind eye to certain issues like you would early on in relationships. As explained in the article, the landscape changes significantly in a long-term relationship, and at times you actually need to be quite dogged in going about actually getting her to tell you about her concerns or problems in the first place.

Conflict resolution is important. However, conflict prevention is preferred, right? Though at some point there will be situations that either can't or just don't get prevented, so you end up having to deal with them.

As a final note before we get started: There's one really ginormous, obvious problem that I'm not even going to tear into here - and only because it is fairly cut and dry and I think most guys get this - and that is physical abuse. I just do not feel that it is a subject that warrants a copious amount of commentary. It is basically the lowest possible low that can happen in a relationship, far worse even than anything that follows.

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