Relationships

The continuing and ongoing encounters and involvement you maintain with a woman once you've slept together and become intimate -- whether weeks or months or years -- or more.

Modern Marriage, Part 5: How to Handle the Divorce Process


Hey, guys. A quick recap of the series thus far, in case you missed any of the articles and would like to go back and read them to catch up with us:

In Part 5, we’re going to talk about what to do when your efforts to repair your marriage fail and a mutual decision is made to part ways for good.

Before we begin, I do want to note that family and divorce law varies significantly across not only continents and countries, but can even deviate a great deal within those (the degree of autonomy differs from country to country, but you get my point here).

handle divorce

Getting a divorce is extremely challenging in many ways, but probably the biggest hurdle of all is trying to work through all of the legal processes. Trying to accomplish all of it by yourself is overwhelming, and there will be many a decision that requires knowledge of the legal procedures and family law that is in place in your jurisdiction.

If you need legal advice, I strongly suggest you consult with a good family attorney with roots in your county/township/municipality who is highly familiar with the laws and processes of your local government.

So, you’re getting a divorce. It’s all utterly horrifying and you don’t know where to start! How do you manage all of this?

Modern Marriage, Part 4: When Marriage Doesn’t Match Expectations


Gentlemen, welcome back.

Today in Part 4 we are going to take a look at:

  1. What can happen when marriage doesn’t meet your expectations,

  2. What (if anything) you can and should do about it when this happens, and,

  3. A couple of things you should never do.

Because, as we found out in Part 2, let’s face it: no marriages meet all of the expectations that are set for them.

marriage-expectations

The percentage of Americans who divorce has been above 40 percent even since 1970s. There are a lot of reasons that that number is what it is. Unarguably though, is the notion that the inability to reconcile differences is what eventually makes things come to a head and is why we divorce.

Is infidelity the reason you got divorced? Roundabout, perhaps, yes. But it was really more because a reconciliation couldn’t be reached.

How about a financial crisis? Can two people just become so poor that some crazy law says they have to get a divorce? No, it’s because they can’t agree on how to repair the problem (or they just don’t).

Your marriage is never going to be as fruitful and perfect as you think it will be, and you’re going to deal with a whole slew of life problems that affect one or the both of you. It’s not the problems themselves that cause divorce to happen, it’s the people not being able to deal with them that is the biggest issue.

So what exactly happens when you end up in an unfulfilling, dead-as-nails marriage that suffers from one (or a multitude!) of the more serious relationship-downers that we discovered in Part 3?

I found that when my marriage was getting to the point where it had seen better days that the toughest thing I had to deal with by far was the shift in the balance of power that occurred when I actually started to sense things beginning to go haywire in the first place, and started scrambling to make things “right” again.

Modern Marriage, Part 3: Things That Ruin Marriages


I feel as though the perfect follow-up to our last entry in this series, Part 2: What Men Think Marriage Will Be Like, is an article exploring all the bad things that happen when your relationship doesn't turn out quite as perfect as you thought it would and the whole thing starts to go haywire.

Also, if you're just jumping in here, see Part 1, where we explain in detail reasons why guys get married in the first place.

Usually it's not any one little thing that will sour the grapes, but rather a combination of a handful of different problems that really does a relationship in.

ruin-marriage-1

As a married couple, you are going to constantly face life situations head-on together, and while many of these can be avoided completely and others just come with the territory, all of these that we'll talk about in this article can end up being cause for divorce and should have the kibosh put on them as soon as you observe them.

In Chase's recent article The Key to Nipping Girlfriend Drama in the Bud in LTRs, we found that you can't be non-reactive and turn a blind eye to certain issues like you would early on in relationships. As explained in the article, the landscape changes significantly in a long-term relationship, and at times you actually need to be quite dogged in going about actually getting her to tell you about her concerns or problems in the first place.

Conflict resolution is important. However, conflict prevention is preferred, right? Though at some point there will be situations that either can't or just don't get prevented, so you end up having to deal with them.

As a final note before we get started: There's one really ginormous, obvious problem that I'm not even going to tear into here - and only because it is fairly cut and dry and I think most guys get this - and that is physical abuse. I just do not feel that it is a subject that warrants a copious amount of commentary. It is basically the lowest possible low that can happen in a relationship, far worse even than anything that follows.

How to Decipher Female Subcommunication


You should be stronger than me

Don’t you know you supposed to be the man?

You always wanna talk it through – I don’t care!

Why’d you always put me in control?

— Stronger Than Me by Amy Winehouse

One of the most important aspects to understand about female psychology is the use and existence of a type of language known as subcommunication – a secret language evolved by women over millennia in a male-dominated world. In this secret language, women communicate their sexuality freely, but in a way that most men cannot hear or understand. Women have learned the hard way, through millennia, that men have a psychological need to create a type of schizophrenic distinction among women, slotting all women into a category of either “whores” or “Madonnas”.

subcommunication

Subcommunication – as a feminine subset of the English language – is based on communicating with indirection, double meaning, ambiguity, emotionality, and imprecision for the following purposes:

  • To preserve social harmony.

  • On the other hand, to stir up competition amongst people when it seems profitable to do so.

  • To avoid responsibility and establish plausible deniability.

  • To signal intent to someone, as in “Tell without telling, ask without asking.”

  • To establish boundaries and frames of interactions.

  • To avoid commitment; maintain ambivalence; keep options open.

It’s important to realize that Subcommunication imposes upon the recipient responsibility for correctly interpreting the meaning. In this article, I’m going to focus on Subcommunication in the context of female sexuality.

Modern Marriage, Part 2: What Men Hope Marriage is Like


In Part 1 of this series, we took an in-depth look into the reasons why guys get married.

In Part 2, we will explore what these men think their marriages will be like, and also a few examples of (if they do not watch their P’s and Q’s) where and how things can go completely and utterly wrong, wrong, wrong.

I can’t help but find it a wee bit amusing how guys get so stoked to tie the knot to their special girl, and everything is all puppy dogs and rainbows, and then six months later she is carrying his nuts around in her purse.

hope marriage is like

What do men really want to get out of marriage?

  • A nice house?
  • A two-car garage?
  • 3.2 kids?
  • Endless blow jobs and sandwiches?

That’s not even close to the half of it. While men are naturally a little more laid back about things and do not have the crazy sky-high expectations of an endless fairy tale like women do, the problem persists that men usually end up not only getting less of what they actually want, but end up getting a whole lot of other things that they really do not want and really hadn’t bargained on either.

And the more careless and less socially savvy the man is, the less his expectations are actually met.

Female Basic Conflict: Understanding Women’s Ambivalence


Tell me, what you’re thinking about

When you got me waiting patiently

Usually, I don’t have to wait for nobody

But there’s something about you

That really got me feeling weak

— Tell Me, by P. Diddy. Vocals here sung by Christina Aguilera.

If you truly want to understand the psychology of women, you must be aware of, and willing to accept, a paradoxical truth: women feel greater sexual attraction towards men who are less inclined to provide for them emotionally and financially.

female basic conflict

Euphemistically you can say: in their heads women know that nice guys make much better husbands, but deep within their secret hearts, women love to love bad boys.

This paradoxical phenomenon is literally a schizophrenic duality between a woman’s need for survival on the one hand, and her need to express her own sexuality on the other. This creates a psychological condition where a woman’s sexuality is necessarily ambivalent and conflicted.

Simply put, the Female Basic Conflict is the need to manipulate a man into the role of her Provider, followed by an automatic contempt and/or lowering of her sexual attraction towards a man who lets her do so.

How to Successfully Introduce a Girl to Your Family


If you want to catch and keep a beautiful girl, you need to be at the top of your game. And no matter how much you love your family, sometimes it would help if they were buried deep underground. The thought of exposing a girl to the circus of your nearest and weirdest can be truly terrifying.

introduce her to family

But there’s really no reason to be afraid. I’ll show you how to play this game like a pro, winning the affections of the girl and the admiration your family.

The key to success is realizing what you’re dealing with. Regardless of what you tell each other, every girl thinks meeting your family is getting to know “the real you”. Interactions with your family will make a deeper impression on her than almost anything else, including, in many cases, how you treat her when you’re alone.

This is a prime opportunity for you to attract her. When she meets your family, she’s ready to notice everything you’ve got going for you. Like how you’re manly and self-assured when you talk business with your dad, how you’re kind and sensitive when helping your mum with the dishes, how you’re hilarious when you tease your little sister, and how you’re boldly sexual when you put your hand on her under the dinner table.

Putting on this kind of show is going to take some serious preparation, not to mention skill. For a start, when is it okay for her to meet your folks?

There are two variables to consider:

  1. Is the time right for the girl to meet your family?
  2. Is the time right for your family to meet the girl?

Modern Marriage, Part 1: Why the Heck Do Guys Get Married?


Gentlemen, welcome to Part 1 of this 6-part series on modern marriage (and yes, divorce).

I want to come at this article series with a completely unbiased flavor... because I honest to god think that monogamy can work, even in our contemporary society where the divorce rate exceeds 50%.

why men get married

While I am certainly a fair bit opinionated and will use a few choice words for things I feel strongly about, and will tell you exactly how I feel about each and every little thing marriage-related, you’re going to get nil of the ever-so-prevalent relationship hate that you find on most seduction blogs.

I’ve striven to leave this series as free of my own clutter or baggage as possible (we all have some), to bring you a straight-to-the-point look at the institution of matrimony in the 21st century.

Let’s go.

Chick Logic Explained: Why She Doesn’t Think Like You Do


Since pretty much the beginning of humanity, men have considered "Female Logic", or the female way of thinking, to be one of the greatest mysteries in the universe. Psychoanalysts, philosophers, and poets have all spent countless hours agonizing over this topic.

chick-logic

Well, the good news is that female logic (also known as chick logic) can be explained to men in a perfectly understandable way. You can learn how female logic works just like you can learn the functions of a computer or the technical specifications of a car.

First of all, based on what we considered in Chapter 1 with regards to Evolutionary Psychology, let's stipulate that every function of the human brain has an evolutionary purpose. The evolutionary purpose of female logic is to achieve two basic goals:

  1. To create ideal conditions for the procreation and birth of children, and ideal conditions to protect those children during their early years of development.
  2. To influence the men and the environment that surrounds her to give her and her children support and protection. This influence commonly manifests in behaviors that any guy would recognize as "manipulation." However, in this context, feminine influence may be seen as a positive force, used by a woman instinctually as a means to support human life.

A woman naturally achieves these goals by creating within herself a sense of emotional congruence. While creating such emotional states within herself, the woman is especially concerned with "how she feels right now", as opposed to a male-logic concern of "how A correlates to B, or how A is the cause of B." In psychologically healthy women, these will mostly be emotions of pleasure and safety. In other women, drama, histrionics, and hysteria serve a similar purpose.

In the following discussion, the reader should keep in mind we are not making any value or moral judgments. Emotional reasoning is very likely deeply embedded into humans, if not all mammals. Human males have simply evolved a further characteristic of being more able to easily suppress emotional reasoning, although the way some modern men act can makes you wonder.

Podcast with Chase Amante: Night Game, Escalation, and More


Howdy gents,

The fellas over at EatSleepGrowRepeat.com have posted their second podcast interview with me, this one covering topics including the following (and a whole bunch more):

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