Sexual Economics: The Lover and the Provider
From reading the comment sections of my earlier posts, I saw that many men still do not truly believe that women love sex and seek it sometimes only for the pleasure of raw, primal sex itself.
I can understand why this is hard to grasp, as we often hear women talking so much about how they seek romance and love (and not only sex). We get the idea that women just want a boyfriend who can stimulate their heart... and not so much their loins.
Many men also believe that women are “okay” with having sex, but that women only have sexual intercourse with men in order to reward them for good behaviours.
Well, in my opinion, such beliefs are true... but only partly true. I will explain how women experience mating – what they seek in men and how their sexual behaviour can change drastically according to which men they are interacting with. I will also cover the elementary traits of these different men so that you can become the man you desire to become.
It is recommended but not required that you check out my earlier posts on:
By reading these posts you start off with an even better
understanding of the
concepts laid down in this article. However, for those who haven’t
checked them out, I will recap the most crucial elements, as we dive in
to how women think about sex and why it’s so that women use sex as a
reward for some men... but seek it as their own reward from others.
As we talked about in my post on sexual framing, a woman’s behaviour toward you will be determined by how she perceives you. Of course, this applies to most human interactions, but in our case we will mostly concentrate on male-to-women interaction in the context of mating.
For example, if a woman perceives you as a judgemental man who does not respect women for being sexual beings, well, in this case, she will most likely not have sex with you. The reasons are either that:
She is into you and, as she knows that you are judgemental (e.g. calling “promiscuous women” sluts), she will avoid turning you off by making anything happen too quickly because she believes you don’t like women who have sex with men (right away). In order to win you over, she must bow to your frame and not have sex with you. We can agree that such a move is counterintuitive, but believe me or not, many men are somewhat behaving that way toward women and boxing women into corners with how they respond to them.
She won’t have sex with you because she is not attracted to judgemental men because they are such a turn off (which I completely understand).
So, what you are communicating to a woman has a lot to say. Your communication and behaviour pretty much displays to her “what kind of man are you”: what as a man can you offer her?
I hate to say it, but let us look at this like as if it was a transaction in sales. You offer her something and she buys it with a certain currency. If she does like your product, she will commit; if not, then nothing happens. It also works similarly the other way around. If you don’t like what she is offering you in return for your “product”, then the transaction won’t happen either.
What you can offer her that is beneficial for her needs is what she will become interested in. She will be interested in anything you can offer that is useful for her.
Then it also obviously follows that different offers will be used differently.
Further, an offer that is in demand, which is rare and exclusive and which someone is truly in want or need of, is more worthy than a product that can easily be found or doesn’t cover any crucial human needs.
Now, this all seems a little hard to get a grasp on because I haven’t explained this concept in the light of seduction. However keep reading – the next section will hopefully clear thing out.
The Lover and the Provider
There are many things a man can offer a woman. Same goes for women, they also have a lot to offer. However when it comes to seduction, it is commonly the offer of sex for status and sex for sex that takes place.
We can therefore distinguish between two categories of men – namely “the lover” and “the provider”:
The provider provides women for their social needs, such as material goods, social status and social support (“being there for her”) in exchange for sex, whereas
The other type of man, “the lover” is the man who women just use to satisfy their sexual needs – i.e. just sleeps with for the pleasure of the sex.
This means that some men (the providers) will display high social status, as it is something women seek. This will result in creating a certain type of attraction (– let us call it “social value-based attraction” as it is not “sexual attraction”). This will make women interested in keeping that man, and if the provider man plays his cards right (which most men don’t) then he will set a frame where he communicates to the woman that “if she wants to keep him as a social value provider, she has to have sex with him”.
If the girl feels that keeping this man is valuable, then she will agree to his terms and have sex with that man.
Being a provider can get you laid if you play it right. You need to be clear that you offer her enough social value in order to make her feel that fucking you is something beneficial to her. Further, as there are many men with high social value (rich lawyers and businessmen), you need to display higher value than those men. If a man of higher social value than you is available to her, she will go with that man instead of you.
The other type of man is “the lover”. This is a man that is only sexually attractive to her, who only communicates to her that he is only willing to go to bed and that he is offering good sex. This turns her on, and she uses him for sex and only sex. She might in some cases try to force this man to turn into a provider (by making him buy her various things), but if the man is a true lover, he will rarely accepts such terms. The transaction taking place in this scenario is “sex for sex” – i.e. “trading orgasms”.
Humans have multiple needs. When it comes to women, this becomes very clear in the mating game. Biologically speaking, women need to have sex – it is a must for them, as sex remains a physiological need (a need required for your own and our species survival).
But when it comes to choosing a sexual mate just for the sake of having sex (often with the underlying motive of reproduction), she will choose a man who is sexually attractive - a lover, as we now call them. The reason is because sexually attractive males are often perceived as having good genetics. Women will pick men with the best genetics in order to give their offspring the best chances for survival. These men are often referred to as alpha males.
I won’t get too much into the biology of mating. But the lover satisfies her biological needs. The “provider” on other hand, also known as the “beta male”, plays an important role too: he is there to support the woman in her everyday life – e.g., granting her protection (you’ve probably heard of “white-knighting”), buying her stuff, helping her out with her duties (changing her light bulb), being her therapist when she feels like a mess. These are just examples. A woman always needs a provider, but she needs one even more when she is pregnant and about to give birth to a child.
If the father of that child is a lover, he will probably move on and meet new women because that is what such men do. However, the woman will try at all cost to make this man into a provider in order to secure him as a provider (often referred to as betaization/betafication), but in many cases, if the woman paired with a true lover (i.e. an alpha) he will move on. In such a case, she is dependent on finding a [new] provider (i.e. a beta male) to protect her and her offspring and support the female with parenting.
This sounds like too much theorization to you? Well, if you check out the statistics for how many men are raising children that are not genetically theirs, you will be shocked.
There are many, many men for whom an attractive woman with a kid or
two in tow is still a good deal compared to those men’s alternatives.
The provider has the traits that are typically known for being “socially attractive” (referring to my post on the secret society), whereas the lover is just “sexually attractive”. Let us now cover what these types of attractions implies.
The Provider is:
Faithful (to women)
Of the belief that women are seeking love and not sex
“Respectful of women’s sexuality” by not “forcing them to have sex” (as he believes women don’t genuinely enjoy sex)
Judgemental toward people who enjoy “fucking around” – he is in other words “well mannered”
The list goes on, but these are some traits that often appear on the typical beta male provider. Now let us cover the traits the dominant male lover.
The Lover is:
In possession of a sexual presence
A little cocky
A little selfish
Understanding about women’ love of sex (the pleasure of simply copulating)
“Respectful of women’s sexuality” by railing the daylights out of them in bed (as he knows women love and need to get sexually satisfied)
Not a subscriber to that hormone chemical cocktail called “love”
And so the list goes on. The point with these lists is that you get an overall idea of whom these men are.
The Lover vs. the Provider
Which of these types of men is the most attractive and valuable to woman? Which of them should you become in order to get laid a lot?
Well, you probably already know the answer: the lover.
But let us still
cover why that is the case - there are four (4) reasons.
First of all, a provider will have to provide something in order to get sex – he has to invest and work a lot in order to “win over a female”. A lover on the other hand just has to be there and communicate that he is a lover by making her horny in order to make her willing to go to bed with him. There is no doubt that what the lover has to get through in order to get sex is much more pleasurable.
Secondly, a sexually attractive male is much more “worth” than a socially attractive one. As noted throughout this article and many others, sex is a crucial human need, so a lover who satisfies such needs will come across as more valuable than a man who only covers her “social needs”, which is a less important need for women, but important nevertheless.
Thirdly, there are many men out there with high social value. As a result, there is a lot of competition between providers. What happens then is that the majority of the providers will end up in the friend zone (they will become women’s orbiters). This means that they will be providers without getting anything in return.
The lover, alternately, has less competition because there are simply few of them out there. As covered in my post on the secret society, only a small minority of men are sexually attractive. Therefore, as lovers fall into that small minority of men who are sexually attractive, being a minority they become a product in demand. The lover thus plays in a league with far less competition.
Fourthly, the lover is able to get sex with women fast, without having to wait and spend money on multiple dates. He will also get laid and only laid – he won’t have to pay for dates and provide for her unless he wants to. The provider, by contrast, will most likely have to give something other than sex in return for intercourse. In most cases, when a provider gets laid it is within a monogamous relationship. This means that he will have to wait before getting to sleep with his girl, he will have to commit to a relationship on her terms and live in a relationship where the woman is the prize and he is being the chaser – as we know this is a bad position to be in.
Sometimes providers get lucky and find a girl who is really drunk and horny and manage to get laid. This happens once a year. It suddenly makes a lot of sense that the majority of men in the world only have fewer than 10 sex partners over the course of a lifetime.
So my question is... which one do you want to become?
Women seek two types of men in the mating game: “the provider” and “the lover”.
The lover is the man who provides women sex and only sex in return for sex (and only sex) – it’s an “orgasm trade”.
The provider on the other hand just provides women with social goods, support, and status…
In some cases, the provider can get laid if and only if he outmatches other providers and is able to provide women a certain sum of social value that women find beneficial to trade sex for. And sometimes he gets lucky…
On the other hand, the lover will most likely sleep with any women who find him attractive. He will have many options and will face little to no competition, as most men are providers and only a minority are lovers.
The conclusion is this: the lover is playing the mating game on much better terms than the provider.
And now it is time for a little (obvious) revelation: the purpose of this blog is basically to make you into a sexually attractive male – a lover. Keep reading and keep meeting women and you will get there.
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