Pickup

If you want to take women to bed fast, here’s how to set a sexual tone and get them horny and in the sheets – or a convenient bathroom stall – lickety split.

Many years ago, I was practicing my pickup skills in this bar in Montreal, and I ran into two guys – Tall Guy and Short Guy. They were leaning up against the wall looking cool, scanning the room, and occasionally nodding at each other. Recognizing them as fellow hunters in search of women for fast sex, I went over and said, “What’s up?”

“Oh, we’re just practicing,” Short Guy replied.

“Practicing what?” I asked.

“Eye contact. Vibe. How about you?”

“I’m here to pick up chicks.”

They nodded their heads and tipped their fedoras in approval (I’m serious. This was 2007. Pickup dudes wore fedoras).

“Question?” I asked.

“Sure.”

“Have you guys approached any girls yet?”

“What? Oh no, we don’t approach. We let them approach us.”

“Really?” I said, shocked that there was some magic new technique I hadn’t heard of yet.

“Yeah, man,” Tall Guy said. “It’s way better when they approach you.”

“Sooo,” I said skeptically, “have any girls approached you yet?”

“No, man. Not yet. But they will. These things take time.”

Confused but fascinated, I stood back for a few minutes and watched their method. If this was true and there really was a “they approach you” approach, I needed to learn and master it. It would make life so much easier. It would feel like I was in Fall Out Boy.

So, I stood at the bar twiddling my thumbs for a few more minutes and quickly grew bored. I wandered out onto the small dance floor and tried high-fiving a few girls, but they ignored me. I said something to another girl, and she ignored me, too.

Being ignored has always failed to deter my seductive ambitions, so I tried again and again, not having a clue what I was saying, only hoping one of these pretty creatures would give me a shot. Eventually, after about twelve tries, one did. We started dancing, then grinding, then kissing and making out. As I left the bar with her, I looked back at the two fedora-tipping masters (who were still womanless), who gave me a wave and a thumbs-up.

When you meet an interested girl, do you go straight for sex or set up a date? Here are 3 variables to consider that will help you make the right call every time.

Every single guy who wants to get better with women – even if it’s just a little – will occasionally find himself wondering whether it’s better to go for sex now with a girl... or opt for a date (or another date).

You’ve met a girl, it’s going well, and you wonder if you should ask her out and exchange phone numbers or keep the interaction going and take things all the way to sex. Should you ask her out, or go for a same-day lay?

Maybe you’d like to know if you made the right decision in a past encounter, or to figure out why things didn't go right back then. Perhaps you want a few tips to ensure you always answer this question in the most educated way possible.

Maybe you’re new to the world of seduction, still in the process of handling your fundamentals, learning about the right mindsets, and getting your feet wet as an aspiring seducer. Even then, this is an article you can learn a lot from, because at some point in your journey, once things start taking off, you’ll need to be able to answer this question on the fly. My aim is to save you from indecision in those crucial moments.

So what are the factors you need to consider when deciding whether to keep things rolling or to put things on hold for a date?

No woman wants to be with a broke guy. Or does she? With a few adjustments, it's easy to do fine with girls, even when you're broke.

In my recent article on limiting beliefs, a reader named Dr. Klas asked:

"Hey Chase,
Thanks for the article — very in-depth as always.
Now, I have this limiting belief “When I’m broke, I can’t get a girl”. Since you haven’t really written an article on how to get a girl when broke can you please address this issue.

I find that I’m usually depressed when I’m broke and I just close off — or reject myself even if a girl likes me. But when I’ve got cash, I do a whole lot better. Is it a matter of self-esteem?

I don’t know why this is or what to do to prevent this. Should I just tell girls “Hey, I’m having a hard time at the moment” or “I’m broke, I can’t do X”.

What should be our response and behavior towards women when we are broke? I think a lot of guys will appreciate this."

Okay, sure. This is something I've talked about a bit in the past -- picking up girls when broke or unemployed -- but haven't gone in-depth on.

It actually is pretty closely related to the limiting beliefs concept too, because a lot of what seems to hold men back from doing well with women when broke are limiting beliefs (like Dr. Klas's).

One reason I haven't gone as in-depth into this topic before is because there are multiple routes to 'broke'. One is to start out not-broke, then end up broke, which was my route there. The other way is to start out broke and just always have been broke. I don't have experience with the second route, though I've known guys who have been that and have done quite well with women. I can talk intelligently about the first route though -- and I'll try to make the points there as applicable to the guys who get there via the 'started broke' route as possible too.

Do you go to clubs and feel you can’t compete with dudes who get tables and bottles and have hot women sitting with them? Well, you shouldn’t. Here’s why.

Many times, when I head out with a group of guys, I see that many of them feel inferior to dudes with tables and bottles of champagne and whatnot. Normal guys feel these men have an easier time getting laid because they usually have more female company.

And here you are, a chump with a bottle of cheap beer in your hand. How the hell are you going to compete with those guys?

Well, here’s the thing. I don’t consider having tables or bottles to be an advantage when it comes to getting women in bed. The only advantage those guys do have is the confidence kick they get from having so much – i.e., other people seeing them with a bottle gives them an inflated sense of value.

The idea that bottles or tables equate to high status or easy women is a false perception that clubs use to make money. They’re just using lizard-brain marketing triggers that get you to hand over more of your money. It’s a bit like traveling first class on a plane – sure, it can be worth it sometimes, but the folks in coach still fly just as far.

Clubs need to make money, so I don’t blame them, but I have noticed that many guys – especially in higher-end clubs – start feeling very insecure when they see guys with flashy bottles of crappy champagne. In that moment, they’ve already lost. Coming off as insecure or inferior is a terrible angle when attracting women. That is why men struggle in high-end venues.

It’s also why many men tend to avoid these venues in favor of more relaxed, easygoing places – because they are more egalitarian in nature. However, those guys will be missing out on a ton of hot girls. High-end venues not only have hotter girls, they also have more girls.

So, perhaps it’s time to cure that inferiority complex. I'm sure you need more convincing, of course, so let me explain why I don’t consider having a table and bottles to be an advantage.

Vibe is a HUGE factor when it comes to attracting women. Here’s how to tweak your vibe to more reliably spark attraction in girls, get them on dates, and into bed.

How important is maintaining a positive vibe when picking up women? Long story short, the difference in results between low-energy or moody men and positive-minded extroverts is night and day.

The best supporting data I know of is my own experience, which, as a dating coach, is varied and vast. But there are some case studies that convincingly illustrate the phenomenon, like this one about the “halo effect”:

In the video, two groups of women watch a dating proposal made by the same guy. But the guy makes two videos, one for each group of women. In each video, he uses the same script but with a different vibe.

He’s upbeat and expressive in one version, with good posture. In the other, he’s slouching, not looking at the camera as much, and speaking with a less-enthusiastic tonality.

The women who viewed the video with the upbeat vibe generally agreed they’d be down to go on a date with him. The other group, hearing the same script but with less positive energy, all declined.

Same guy, same script, different vibe (tonality, mood, posture, lighting). One video sparked no interest in the guy; the other sparked attraction!

Since attraction is the key factor here, let’s dig a bit deeper and discuss ways you can tweak your vibe to spark it.

If you have one of these beliefs about women, it's holding you back... and you probably don't even realize it.

Each man sees the world in a different way.

Some of the differences between how one man sees the world and how the next one does are slight. Other differences, though, are extreme.

If a man holds the right beliefs, he unshackles himself to achieve success beyond his most fantastic hopes and dreams. If he holds beliefs that limit him though, he may stumble into great ravines on the road to wish fulfillment... or he may chain himself fast, so that he never starts on the road to fulfillment at all.

There are four types of limiting beliefs men hold:

1. Inaccessibility ("I can't get/have what I want")

2. Over-accessibility ("I can have that whenever I want")

3. Transience ("Once I have it, I'm destined to lose it")

4. Permanence ("Once I have it, or someone else does, it's forever")

Those beliefs boil down into two dimensions: one of accessibility, and the other of transience/permanence.

The most accurate belief sets abandoned these extremes. Men who succeed most stop thinking about the world in terms of the blacks and whites of beliefs like these, and view it as a vast world of gray -- a promising world of gray, with boundaries and limitations, but where most things are achievable, though not always easy.

Today we're going to talk about 12 common limiting beliefs men have about women and dating. Hang onto these beliefs, you'll make costly mistakes, or never get far with women at all. Wouldn't it be neat though, to be free of these beliefs -- and free to meet the women you want, date them how you want, and get success with them that seems out of reach to most other men?

The best way to overturn limiting beliefs is through action, because action is where you put your beliefs to the test -- and find out which hold up, and which do not. We'll talk about this below too.

We'll begin with one of the most common limiting beliefs: that girls like that are simply too hot for you.

Lots of guys are horrified to go out alone when learning pickup/seduction. But once you get over your fear – and you will – you’ll see it’s the best way to get good.

I remember the first time I went to a club alone.

It was Montreal, circa 2007. I’d been into PUA stuff for about a year, taking little to no action other than reading blogs and watching YouTube videos, but I’d moved to Montreal for the sole purpose of mastering my game. I was determined and focused on fixing my sex life.

The only problem was, I didn’t have any friends or wingmen to help me. My normie social circle thought it was a weird and pointless hobby, so I said “Screw it!” and went out alone.

That night, I went to a hipster club in the Plateau. It was packed with pretty college girls, drinking, laughing, and dancing with their friends. I stood there and felt all eyes on me.

My internal dialogue chirped away.

“They’re all looking at you. They know you’re alone. Why are you here? You should talk to someone. But what would you say? Isn’t it creepy to talk to strange women? Maybe go home and try again tomorrow. Come back when you’re in a better state. You don’t have to do this. Go and watch another video about what to say to women.”

Blah, blah, blah. The ego never stops. It wants you to be safe and to fit in with the herd. Feeling the judgmental eyes of all these strangers, I pulled out my cell phone and pretended to talk. Yeah, I mimed talking on the phone. I even acted out a laugh. Yep, I’m not alone! I’m just waiting for friends! Ho, ho, ho… so much fun!

Eventually, I just gave up, walked out of the club, got on my bicycle, and pedaled my pathetic ass home. That night, I made a vow – never again would I go out and at least not try. The next night, I went out and felt those same pangs of terror, adrenaline, and self-conscious doubt. But I remembered my vow. All I had to do was try… so I did.