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Female Mind

A look into the way women see love, life, lust, and relationships.

Women Select Mates Very Differently from How Men Do

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female mate selectionWomen are different from men. They aren’t attracted to the same things men are, and they choose their mates differently than men do.

I spoke with a friend recently about how important preselection is to women's mate choices.

I shared some of the research on it (most of which I've shared in other articles or in One Date) that shows men get a +25% attractiveness boost when women see them with a good-looking girl who is visibly attracted to them... this is a bigger boost in attractiveness than height, good looks, confidence, humor, or anything else women like in men. Having attractive women attracted to you is the single biggest attraction factor there is for men.

My friend noted how he knew this, and in fact it was a big part of his game back in the day, letting women see lots of other good-looking women being very into him. It made hooking up a breeze.

However, he still found it a bit mind-boggling. He's not interested in women with lots of men around at all... it's a bit counterintuitive to a man that women like men who get women.

Recently he tried an experiment, just for the heck of it. He had a couple of average girls who were very into him, yet who he himself was not really attracted to. Just to test it, he told them a few stories about women not wanting him. The result was a complete 180 in their attraction; they lost all interest in him and stopped bothering him.

Imagine a hot girl telling you, "Guys just don't want me." You'd be all over her!

Why's it so totally different with the sex roles reversed?

Chicks Bein' Tricky: Watch Out for Pregnancy Traps!

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pregnancy trapsUncareful men end up unready fathers. Pregnancies can be accidents… but not all accidents are unintended. Here’s how to avoid getting baby trapped.

What's a pregnancy trap?

A pregnancy trap is when a woman intentionally becomes pregnant (or lies about being so). One reason she may do this is to tie a man into a committed relationship whether he wants that or not. Another is to get money from a man, typically in the form of child support.

Pregnancy traps are one of those things you will have people try to convince you "don't really happen" but, in actual fact, are actually not at all uncommon. I've known multiple cases of obvious 'trap pregnancies' personally, of the "gain a man's commitment" variety. The ones I know were all middle class, too -- including by an aunt of mine who owned her own home and had a well-paying corporate job. Very nice, kind, sweet aunt, and it was something of a family scandal when we realized she had pregnancy-trapped a guy.

But that's the thing with pregnancy traps: you imagine it'd be some sneaky, conniving devil woman who'd be willing to pregnancy trap a man... but you can't really tell. The sweet, kindly ones are just as capable of doing it too.

Today we'll take a stroll through the enlightening world of pregnancy trapping, and I'll show you things you possibly had no idea took place (or not to this extent).

Forewarned is forearmed.

"It Just Happened": Subconscious Flirtation and Hookups

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it just happenedWomen often claim dates and hookups “just happen!” to them. But do they? And if you’re a man, is there a way to tap into things “just happening” yourself?

We have a member on the forum named Beam who recently committed to an exclusive, monogamous relationship. He has a girl he really liked, but he was also at a breakthrough moment in his game. True to the trend I identified in my article on guys taking girlfriends just as they're hitting game breakthroughs, his girlfriend sensed it and pushed hard for exclusivity, and Beam, figuring she's a great girl, granted her request.

Anyway, we chatted a bit about how he could best maintain his woman skills despite being monogamous. He tried telling his girlfriend he would still approach (whoops), but as you might expect she shot that down fast.

What I said was "you'll be able to flirt in natural settings, but if you try to push yourself to approach, your motivation for that will wane, and you'll probably feel conflicted about it, too."

He replied that that was already the case, and he felt conflicted already doing street approaches... but that flirting naturally with cashiers and checkout clerks or chatting up cute girls at a bar he was out to with buddies felt fine.

He volunteered that maybe because day game was what he was best at, that was why he felt conflicted, since those were the approaches most likely to lead to indiscretions.

That's not the reason though, I said -- it's because a day game approach is a conscious, deliberate one... whereas a flirtation with a cashier or a girl you chatted with while at a bar you were at anyway with friends is not; that, rather, is simply something that just happened.

How to REALLY Tell If a Girl Likes You: It's Not Her Words

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tell a girl likes youWhat a girl says won’t tell you if she really likes you. So how to tell if a girl likes you (or not)? Read the subtext: her voice tone, body language, and compliance.

I see guys all the time talking about what a woman said and trying to decipher its meaning.

They seem to not understand this basic rule of telling how much a girl likes you: it's not what she says, it's how she says it... and what she does.

Women will say things to flirt with a guy, or comment on the environment, or for no reason at all. Then men will get in their heads trying to interpret some meaning from this.

"She said she doesn't date guys like me, does that mean I blew it?" the guy thinks.

Meanwhile she is laughing and smiling at him and has turned more of her body toward him.

Then he walks off, feeling like he shouldn't have walked off, but he can't explain to himself why not.

If you want to know how to tell if a girl likes you, that starts with tuning out most of what she is saying with words and tuning IN to what she is saying with actions, voice tone, and body language.

All Women Are Like That

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all women are like thatWomen debate the morality of an extramarital affair while married to a man you don’t love. Why do different women view things differently?

I had a girlfriend tell me about a hornet's nest she kicked in the comment section of some gal's blog online.

Usually this girlfriend would read economics blogs and watch university lectures on philosophy. But she was into psychology as well, and sometimes she'd read blogs written by women chronicling their messy lives and tempestuous love affairs on a women's private blogging site.

One day, the female writer of some blog she'd been following entered her latest update. This writer had a loving, devoted husband, who was much more in love with her than she was him. The guy did a lot for her. Meanwhile the writer complained about how annoying her husband was and talked about how she did not love him back. There was a man she'd known whom she'd been in-love with in the past, but he'd moved away to care for his dying parents. Eventually he returned and the writer and he met up, the writer seduced him, and they started sex. He only got a few thrusts into her before her period started though and they ended the sex, the writer deeming it 'fate'.

This kicked off a variety of opinions from the female blogger's followers in the comment section. Some women cheered her on. Some women expressed confusion over why she'd cheat on a good and loyal husband. Other women asked why she was with her husband in the first place if she didn't love him.

My girlfriend, a hothead (most of my girlfriends are), dashed off an annoyed comment explaining to one of the confused women that, "That's just how she is. She is going to keep going back to that man, and then she is going to have a full affair with him, and she will never tell her husband." Then she wrote to the writer "Just tell your husband! Just tell him, divorce him, be brave, and be with the man you want!"

Then she added a little zinger at the end implying she knew the writer would never do this and would instead continue the affair in secret behind the trusting husband's back.

This kicked the hornet's nest, and a flurry of outraged women rode to the blog writer's defense, slinging mud at my girlfriend in ferocious defense of the mercurial writer's tempestuous lifestyle, beginning a day of exasperated reading and responding by my tenacious girlfriend.

How to Nix Toxic Behaviors in a Relationship

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nix toxic behaviorsToxic behaviors (even the little ones) can make relationships aggravating. Yet there are ways to tackle them… and disincentivize a relationship partner from using them.

Unless you've chosen a highly enlightened mate, you'll probably deal with some bad behavior sometimes in relationships. If you've chosen someone who's a little more 'special', you may have more of these to deal with than others do... but almost everyone has to deal with toxic behavior at least occasionally.

Most strategies you'll see for dealing with toxic behaviors are based around withdrawing, closing yourself off, giving the other person space, and so on. This can be an effective approach. It's especially useful for people you decide you just want to wash your hands of.

However, "withdrawing into your shell" isn't so useful a strategy for an ongoing relationship... things like the 'Gray Rock' strategy are really for people you want to out of your life, not those you're entangled with by choice.

So let me give you a couple of more assertive strategies you can use to nix toxic behavior in your relationships.

Women Have Different Rules for Attractive Men

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women rules menWomen sort regular guys into stereotyped boxes to know what to do with them. But make yourself sufficiently attractive, and these rules no longer apply to you…

For years, a war has raged in the seduction space between experienced and inexperienced seducers.

Inexperienced seducers have opined on all the reasons women are not interested in men like them.

Experienced seducers, meanwhile, have stated that women do not care at all about these things inexperienced men pin the blame for their lack of success on.

Things like looks, race, national origin, wealth, height, physique, and more get bandied about by the inexperienced as reasons women accept or reject men, yet rejected by the experienced as remotely valid at all.

Furthermore, inexperienced men will complain that women do not want to be approached, insist on men paying for dates, won't date you if you don't adopt the provider frame, and always insist on using condoms.

Experienced men will tell you women love to be approached, will often pay for dates themselves, are easiest to date for men who aren't providers, and will often be the ones suggesting you not use condoms themselves.

Why is there such a disconnect between men who aren't experienced with women and men who are?

Which of these men are living in a delusion... and which men aren't?

To answer this question, we must look at a simple truth of women's, and that truth is this:

Women have different rules for attractive men than they do other, more regular men.

Why Do Women Scream During Orgasm?

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why do women scream during orgasmWhy do women scream during sex? One theory claims it’s to draw other males near for sperm competition. But does this actually happen in real life?

I had a conversation the other day with a friend about women screaming during orgasm.

He told me about a hypothesis he'd encountered in the (idealistically egalitarian-utopian, not to mention panned by scholars) book Sex at Dawn that women yell during orgasm to attract competing mates for sperm competition.

Right on the face of it, this hypothesis has always seemed obviously incorrect to me.

First off, not to brag or anything (although I guess it's going to sound that way... can't be helped though, eh?), I've made a lot of girls scream quite loud from sex, yet I've never had a guy knock at my door and ask if he could have her next.

Second off, I've heard plenty of women I wasn't having sex with screaming, yet never has the urge come over me to knock on the couple's door and tell the man to beat it because it was my round with her now.

Third, I have never heard a single story in all my life and all the very many sex stories I have heard from the tons of men I've known in the seduction space of even a single man being chased off by another man following the first man's woman engaging in orgasm vocalizations.

Not even among hunter-gatherers, who are the cheerily idealized subject of the Sex at Dawn book, have I come across any evidence of moaning women attracting competitor males who chase off the guy making the woman moan and take her for themselves.

The "female sex vocalizations attract competitor males for sperm competition" hypothesis seems to describe a behavior that is completely absent from humans from anything I have ever actually seen or heard both firsthand and from others from anywhere else in the world.

Yet, when I dug into the research on women's sex vocalizations a bit more, I discovered some interesting tidbits that do tie in, a bit, to the Sex at Dawn theory -- although, I think, not quite in the way the authors framed it (at least, not based on the synopses I've read, not having read the book).

8 Obnoxious Female Behaviors that Are Actually Signs of Interest

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obnoxious signs of interestNot all women have class. Some women only have crass. If a girl’s signaling her interest to you in a rude, obnoxious way, it is still interest… whether you act on it or not.

I talked with a friend recently who mentioned being around a bunch of American girls after having been out of the country for a while. One of the girls obviously liked him. Then she started talking to other girls in ear-shot of him about all the guys she'd had sex with.

My friend found this a complete turnoff and lost all interest in the girl. He's no newbie; he's been with a lot of girls. He just does not like this kind of classless, crass behavior. Regardless, he knew this girl was most likely putting on this display to signal sexual availability to him.

I said yeah, I've had a bunch of girls who obviously liked that do that to me over the years... like you, I find it a turnoff. It is mostly American girls I've had do this to me too. Though come to think of it as I write this now I've had a few non-American girls who have done things like this also.

If you like classy girls, you are going to find the behavior above and many of the other behaviors we'll talk about below distasteful. Because what it is is, obviously, a lack of class; the girl has no more refined way to signal her receptiveness or availability to you, so goes for 'crassy' instead of 'classy'.

Yet if she's doing it in a situation where the other signs there are pointing to her being interested in you, then it is almost certainly a sign of interest.

So let's take a look at some of the various rude, crude, unclassy behaviors girls will engage in that are actually (much of the time) signs of interest / sexual availability signals.

Depending on your classiness preference, you may find these behaviors turnoffs... or they might be right up your alley.

Why Don't All Beautiful Girls Sleep Around?

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beautiful girls sleep aroundShe’s beautiful. She can sleep with anyone she wants to. So, if she’s a beautiful girl, why WOULDN’T she sleep around with every hot guy she can get?

Commenting on my article on picking up girls with a jealousy plotline, a reader asks:

Hey Chase,

I've gotten together with a girl I met in a cafe.

That marks my first lay ever from day game!

It was not super straightforward to get her in bed but I managed.

She's beautiful, very smart, great personality, pretty good body- amazing girl.

The thing which shocks me is this:

After sleeping together, I casually asked her how many partners she's had before. I always do this and never come across as judgemental, so chicks always give me the full list, including guys who don't "really count"

So I know she's been honest with and freely opened up. She told me she had one serious boyfriend and that's it. One partner only.

I asked "What about any casual wild adventures? Some naughty action at parties or something?" She laughed and said she's not really a party kinda of person. She can drink socially but never got drunk and passed out and she despises clubs.

I guess what really confuses me is: if she's telling the truth, why on earth would a sexy girl like her not hook up? Guys check her out all the time, I'm sure they must have hit on her. It's so easy for her to have sex, yet she claims she only had one serious boyfriend.

It does not make sense to me because beautiful women can get sex on demand, so why on earth would she not use that opportunity?

It's interesting the range of expectations you see among men for what beautiful women's sex lives must look like.

There are men who expect the most beautiful women to be almost virginal. There are others who expect them to be total nymphomaniacs.

The actual truth of course is beautiful women are just like normal women.

They have the same kind of range in sexual inclinations and experience you find in the general population of girls: some with many lovers, some with few, most somewhere in the middle... with the added twist that as women get more beautiful, they trend toward fewer overall lifetime sex partners.

But... why?

Why wouldn't these girls, given the opportunity to hook up with so many hot guys, indulge?

Or, on the flip side, given the ability to not have to hook up, why wouldn't they stay virgins till marriage?