The art of involving a woman more deeply in a conversation, an interaction, a date, a seduction, a relationship.

Back Pocket Mentality, Pt. II: The Holding Pattern

The ‘holding pattern’: that place where a girl acts like she wants to be with you, but just “needs time”. It’s a terrible place to be – but you needn’t be in it.
Relationship 101

holding patternA year ago, I talked about women’s back pocket mentality: keeping a man in reserve, his appetite wetted for them, thirst for them unquenched.

It’s part survival instinct, part choice maximization... the best position for a woman is to have a flock of interested men waiting for their shots with her, for a variety of reasons (most women greatly fear becoming unwanted or undesired).

Today I want to introduce you to back pocket mentality’s close cousin, the ‘holding pattern’. This is a more serious version of the phenomenon, where a woman strongly implies sex or a relationship is on the table and coming very soon, without delivering.

This is used when a man is on her shortlist, but she wants to experiment with others first. Just because you’re on her short list doesn’t mean you’ll get her – and all the time you devote to her while she enjoys other men and “makes up her mind”, you’re killing her attraction and respect for you.

Why the ‘Bid for Connection’ is Crucial to Your Relationship

It’s easy to dismiss little questions like “How was last night?” But you ignore ‘bids for connection’ like these at your relationship’s peril.
Relationship 101

“Any good dreams last night?”

“How was your day today?”

“You’ll never believe what happened to me.”

bid for connection

There are normal little communication bits and pieces you’ll encounter in relationships. They seem pretty small and trivial, and superficially they are.

However, these little questions or statements – called ‘bids for connection’ by Professor Emeritus John M. Gottman, Ph.D. – have big impacts on relationship health.

That’s because any time you make a bid for connection, or a gal you’re with makes one toward you, it goes one of two ways:

  • You or she accept the bid (Gottman calls this ‘turn towards’)
  • Or you or she ignore the bid (Gottman calls this ‘turn away’)

How often these little bids are turned toward or away from makes a world of difference, it turns out.

Women Will Date the “Wrong Guy” If the “Right One” Isn’t Free

Sometimes, a woman picks a man who seems all wrong for her. It hurts more when it’s an ex – and you want her back. So… what should you do?
Female Mind

Recently had a discussion with one of our forum members about some odd behavior he was seeing from a former girlfriend who works in his office.

They’d had a friends with benefits relationship for about half a year, before she broke things off with him to enter a committed relationship with another man.

What confused him the most, however, was that this girl had seemed to like him more, yet she still went off to date the wrong guy anyway. Her new guy has some pretty big downsides, too: he’s jealous and controlling. He’s forbid his girlfriend from having any contact with her ex from our forum, and monitors her phone calls and texting.

date the wrong guy

What this forum member asked me was, “Why would she date this guy when she already had me?”

The answer, of course, was that he wasn’t available for the kind of relationship this girl needed – so even if he would’ve been her first choice for that role, he simply wasn’t an option she could choose from on the shelf.

Dance Floor Game Tips #9: More on Handling Resistance

When a girl resists you on the dance floor, you have 3 tools at your disposal: persistence, breaking rapport, and “elastic band” escalation.
Pickup Tech

dance floor resistancePreviously I discussed a few important premises and techniques that will help reduce your chances of having to face resistance when you escalate physically – or at least will minimize the impact of the resistance.

Previous articles in this series here:

  1. Dance game foundations

  2. Warming up on the dance floor

  3. Dance floor target selection

  4. Opening on the dance floor

  5. Building attraction on the dance floor

  6. Physical escalation on the dance floor

  7. Handling her friends

  8. What causes resistance

However, even knowing what causes it and how best to avoid it, sometimes resistance will occur anyway. It’s far from uncommon. Even good seducers face resistance – although less often than beginners.

Before I begin, please note this: just because you are getting resistance does not mean you have failed to pull off the techniques (the preventive techniques against resistance) from our last post.

Some women are just harder cases than others, and that can either be due to the situation and her current mood or her personality.

Some women are harder to get than others – that’s just life.

Why Aren't You Arousing the Women You Meet?

Sometimes it’s tough arousing women you want to take home with you. Here’s the checklist to turn to to figure out what you need to do next.
Pickup Tech

One of the most common questions that I hear from guys is:

“How do I make her want me?”

But there’s always more to this question. They go on...

“You know, like want me so bad that she just can’t wait to get back to my place and rip my clothes off and will even make plays to move the interaction forward herself! I see this happen with other guys from time to time, so I know it’s possible... How do you do that?”

arousing women

Although what you are doing is important, it’s usually the things that you either don’t do or just do incorrectly that end up being the miscreant that stalls things.

Later I’ll explain to you in detail how to not only turn a woman on, but more critically, how to do it smoothly so that you don’t make mistakes and disappoint her somewhere along the way.

But first, let me tell you why this is even more important than you think it is.

Modern Marriage, Part 4: When Marriage Doesn’t Match Expectations

Marriage isn’t always a rose garden. So what do you do when things start going awry in yours and expectations aren’t being met?
Relationship 101

Gentlemen, welcome back.

Today in Part 4 we are going to take a look at:

  1. What can happen when marriage doesn’t meet your expectations,

  2. What (if anything) you can and should do about it when this happens, and,

  3. A couple of things you should never do.

Because, as we found out in Part 2, let’s face it: no marriages meet all of the expectations that are set for them.


The percentage of Americans who divorce has been above 40 percent even since 1970s. There are a lot of reasons that that number is what it is. Unarguably though, is the notion that the inability to reconcile differences is what eventually makes things come to a head and is why we divorce.

Is infidelity the reason you got divorced? Roundabout, perhaps, yes. But it was really more because a reconciliation couldn’t be reached.

How about a financial crisis? Can two people just become so poor that some crazy law says they have to get a divorce? No, it’s because they can’t agree on how to repair the problem (or they just don’t).

Your marriage is never going to be as fruitful and perfect as you think it will be, and you’re going to deal with a whole slew of life problems that affect one or the both of you. It’s not the problems themselves that cause divorce to happen, it’s the people not being able to deal with them that is the biggest issue.

So what exactly happens when you end up in an unfulfilling, dead-as-nails marriage that suffers from one (or a multitude!) of the more serious relationship-downers that we discovered in Part 3?

I found that when my marriage was getting to the point where it had seen better days that the toughest thing I had to deal with by far was the shift in the balance of power that occurred when I actually started to sense things beginning to go haywire in the first place, and started scrambling to make things “right” again.

Dance Floor Game Tips #5: Building Attraction on the Dance Floor

You can’t seduce with words on the dance floor. So, to build attraction with her, you must rely on physical touch – and mutual escalation.
Pickup Tech

Welcome back to our series on dance floor seduction. Prior editions:

Previously, we discussed some theoretical elements of dance floor seduction. We also discussed how to get in mood, while focusing a lot on opening and selecting the right target.

Today we will start discussing the “attraction building phase”.

The Genuine Man, Part 9: A Nice Jerk?

In most social situations, there’s a jerk way of getting what you want that works fine. Yet the genuine man has more tools, and his are sharper.
Social Life

Welcome back to the journey, broskis!

So after covering:

We tied all the lessons up and took a peek into the mind of a man who has reached an authentic strength that makes him a man who is in the top echelon of the world’s population – or at least will be soon.


Now it’s time to understand why this man must have been born out of the pit of intensity, intimidation, and whimsical power.

What to Do When a Girl is Late for a Date

What do you do when a girl is late for a date? Do you cancel, scold her, act like you don’t care… or should you do something else entirely?
Dating Rules

late for a dateOn our discussion boards, a member named killerman has run into a situation where girls are changing date times last minute, or otherwise being late for a date. Here’s what he had to say about this:

right there’s one thing that’s really getting on my nerves these days, and it’s girls agreeing to a time but then trying to change it last minute, then being late. it’s really getting on my nerves, but the thing is how do I express it without coming across as an asshole? i understand that sometimes things crop up but sometimes it seems they do it just because they feel like it. i cant remember a girl turned up to a date on time so maybe it’s their way of testing out guys? like maybe they do it on purpose to piss us off then see if we’re genuine by expressing our discontent?

What killerman wants to know here is how to express your disapproval to a girl at having her change times or be late.

What I’d like to use his problem for is to answer, in addition to his own question, a slightly broader one: what do you do when a girl is late for a date?

Do you get mad... or storm off... play it cool... or hang in there and wait... or, do you do something else?

The Healthy Relationship Questionnaire: Is Yours Healthy... or Not?

How can you tell if you’re in a healthy relationship or not? Answer these 7 key questions, and you’ll know.
Relationship 101

Many people wonder whether or not their relationship is healthy. They ask themselves:

  • “Am I with the right person?”
  • “Are we truly compatible?”
  • “Is this relationship headed in the right direction?”
  • “Am I making the right decision by being with this person?”

These are all valid, albeit difficult, questions to answer.

So today, I wanted to do something a little bit different. I wanted to flip the script a bit and format this post as a questionnaire. I’ve called it, oh-so-creatively, The Healthy Relationship Questionnaire. It is designed to show you the positive aspects of a healthy relationship AND the negative aspects of an unhealthy relationship, in order to help you gauge what kind of relationship you are in.


The most important key here is to be honest with yourself about your situation. Now, that may sound easy, but there is something about love that seems to throw logic and clear thinking right out the window. But all I ask is that you do your best.

For each positive category you find yourself in, you will get one (1) point. For each negative category, you will get zero (0). At the end we will tally up your points and you can see the results as to how healthy – or unhealthy – your relationship may be.

So let’s get to it!


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