you’ve even written an entire article on “disqualifying yourself as a
boyfriend”. But in this [article on taking girls off their scripts],
you suggest that its best to make clear what you actually want (even if
that is to be her boyfriend).”
I understand his confusion. I should stress before we
proceed that a big part of my approach with girls is to be inscrutable:
I throw off conflicting signals so a girl can’t nail me down. Just when
she thinks I’m a hookup-only guy, I ooze a little romance and her brain
going crazy. “I thought this guy
just wanted to hook up,” she thinks, “and yet he’s so romantic! Maybe it could
be something more? What’s going on?! I can’t figure him out!”
James Bond uses it a lot in his films. Christian Grey uses it. Every
Byronic hero does, more or
less. She thinks she knows
what this guy is
about... And then she doesn’t know what this guy is about. He’s so
confusing. What is he about?
At some point, you have to let her figure out what it is you want
though, and that’s the kind of ‘clarity’ I meant in the scripts
article. She has to be reasonably certain that, “Okay, I think this guy
wants to hook up with me,” or, “I think he wants to really date me.”
The reason you want her to figure this out is because you want her to
start imagining it. If before she was only in single-and-carefree mode,
and you want her to be your girlfriend, she needs to think about becoming your girlfriend first.
This article is going to be about that. Or at least, some of that.
Therefore, this one won’t be ideal for beginners... Since we’ll be
talking about running, essentially, two kinds of game at the same time:
One part sexy, bad boy hook up guy
But also one part mysterious, inscrutable, romantic guy
You do not tell her you want her as more than
a fling, or even imply it with words. You want her to read between the lines with you.
You usually won’t tell her you want to hook up with her, either (unless
you’re Hector. Or Romanian).
This clarity is all implied... Which means it’s never completely clear.
And the reason you never make it completely clear?
You want her to choose you, and feel the choice is her choice.
Pacing and leading is
a potent neurolinguistic programming (NLP) technique used to first
match someone’s state, then lead her. It’s extremely useful in dating
Ok, so I decided to get into more practical stuff. During the summer
I tend to go out so much more, which motivates me to write about more
Before I jump into it, a caveat: this
post will be most useful for advanced
Sure, as a beginner, there will be a few things in this post
that you will enjoy. That being said, this is not what a novice should
focus on at first – there are fundamentals that are more key
However, if you are an intermediate or even an advanced player, you
should absolutely pay attention.
Today’s topic is pacing and leading,
a very powerful technique that
will allow you to drag people into your reality with little to no
resistance. Pacing and leading is a neuro-linguistic programming
technique that will help increase your chances of dragging people
comfortably into your reality. Most people are not comfortable being
led into a different world, and hence put up their defense mechanism.
Pacing and leading allows you to hook them in, lower their guards, and
smoothly drag them into you world.
This sounds probably super fancy to you who are new to the concept –
and one can make very complicated posts related to this subject. I tend
to see many books (many bad books) covering NLP and related subjects
that are filled with mental masturbation and over-complications. I will
therefore make an understandable, straight-to-the-point post – and you
will see... it is not rocket science after all.
So here is how we will do it in this post. I will:
If you’re a busy guy,
one of the best productivity hacks out there is to invite girls along
with you on errands you otherwise have to run.
I know, how unromantic, right?
Well, not every date is about sweeping her off her feet and being
her Prince Charming.
Sometimes, all it’s about is building the most effective path toward
getting her into bed with you
with as little muss and fuss as possible.
After all, you can charm her all you like once you and her are
Enter the errand date: where a large part of the date is structured
around her helping you run some errands you have to run.
This is a super fun date, for a
reasons... Not the least of which is that it builds in tons of compliance
automatically, immediately positions you as the leader, and keeps the two
of you moving,
which leads to lots of shared experiences in a short amount of time...
The very formula of a structured date, one of our three date templates.
But how are you going to get a girl to come run errands with you?
And won’t she feel insulted? Or think you’re wasting her time?
In this article, we’ll talk about the last reason relationships will
fall apart. That’s boredom.
However, because it’s a topic we’ve discussed before, I’m only going to
skim over what we’ve previously discussed; therefore, to get the full
understanding on the subject, I strongly recommend you read (or reread)
these articles first:
Now, in Part 3 of this series, we discussed the difference between
men and women when it comes to relationship goals: men want peace, while women want progress.
What happens when a woman feels she’s achieved all she wants or
cares to achieve with a man, though? What
happens when progress is at an end – not because he is unstable, but
because there’s simply nothing more she feels the need to secure with
Well, at that point, the challenge is complete; the game is won.
And, much like some game you’re stuck in once you’ve already done
everything there is to do with it, there’s nothing left for her to do
but feel bored.
With this article, I’m kicking off a new series called
Relationships Fall Apart” that I’ll make further installments in as the
weeks go by. The first in the WRFA series is on something I’ve deemed
‘game-personality disconnect’. A comment from a reader named ‘straw’ in
my article on “Why Women Misremember the Past”
describes this perfectly:
As much as i dont have much problem with pick up and short term
relations, I have found it impossible to maintain a longer
relationship. It is almost as if suddenly my value dropped to zero. The
pattern repeats itself all the time and its been going on for years
now. At the beginning, women get crazy about me, the persue a
relationship and after more or less 3-4 months there is a complete
almost overnight shoft in the interest department.
Is it possible that I employ too much game at the beginning so they are
attracted to someone im not? I may put on some game at the beginning
which makes them pursue me hard and then the moment i get involved,
usually after a couple of months, i show them i am involved and their
interest drops, they start criticizing me, and its almost like
eveything i do is SUDDENLY bad and wrong or ridiculous.
If yoy are in a relationship with somebody of course you show you care,
what would be the point otherwise. Why does my value drop a couple of
months after we enter the relationship?”
The problem straw has run into is that the way you attract and take
women itself serves as a
screening tool, drawing in the women who are most attracted to that
Just like you probably have your own preference for submissive girls
or feisty girls, and girls of an opposing style bore you or drive you
nuts, women have their preferences too
– and if you lure in women looking for one thing by behaving like it,
only to revert to something else later on, for her it’s kind of like
buying a ticket to a metalcore concert because that’s her scene only to
show up there and discover it’s jazz (or vice versa).
In all honesty, you can take a woman who’s completely unattracted to
you, and if you can get her to follow your lead well enough, you can
take her to bed and take her as your lover. I’ve done it plenty of
It’s nice when she’s into you. But it’s nice to know you’ve got
options too, even when she isn’t.
However, if you don’t understand why
leading like this, and getting buy-in and compliance like this
is so crucially important to your success rate with girls, you’re going
to miss a lot of opportunities to use it where you really should be
It’s part survival instinct, part choice maximization... the best
position for a woman is to have a flock of interested men
waiting for their shots with her, for a variety of
reasons (most women greatly
fear becoming unwanted or undesired).
Today I want to introduce you to back pocket mentality’s close
cousin, the ‘holding pattern’. This
is a more serious version of the phenomenon, where a woman
strongly implies sex or a relationship is on the table and coming very
soon, without delivering.
This is used when a man is on her shortlist, but she
wants to experiment with others first. Just because you’re
on her short list doesn’t mean you’ll get her – and all the time you
devote to her while she enjoys other men and “makes up
her mind”, you’re killing her attraction and respect for you.