Dating

Teasing girls is fun. It's also attractive because it demonstrates that she knows you don't idolize her or put her on a pedestal. Women like when a man treats her like a person, not some angel.

Girls “slow track” boyfriend candidates for a variety of reasons. So what must you do to be the guy on the fast track – to her bedroom and beyond?

This is a touchy subject for most. I first and foremost believe in treating everyone with respect and love. However, sometimes it is best to be real and not sugarcoat the dating scene with the ideals that have been littered among our society by Disney and such. Sometimes it is best to deal with the world with a Machiavellian eye. If this bothers you, best not read any further. Otherwise, read on.

Whenever I talk to men, I hear the same thing over and over. It must be so easy to be a girl; they get guys so easily. Everyone wants a cute girl. Well, not to burst any bubbles, but both sexes have their troubles. Being a women is not easier, just different.

In the arena of dating, yes, girls can generally get sex whenever they want. If you are a cute girl, you can go anywhere and get a guy, but you cannot necessarily tie him down. It is hard for girls to keep a man who is worth a damn.

Let me put it this way. The crucial difference here between the sexes in terms of dating is that girls can have sex whenever they want but have a hard time achieving their goal of a relationship; we gentlemen have a hard time getting sex but an easier time getting a girlfriend out of the situation. In this way, the goals of each sex can confound the achievement of the goals of the other.

At some point, you can’t go to the club or the frat party anymore. But when do you get to old to party? And can you ever get too old to meet girls?

We have a few guys on the comments and in the discussion boards who are fixated on age. These guys (in their late 20s or early 30s) worry about the future: they’re not living the lives they want right now, and they fear that in a few years it will be too late. Life will have passed them by, and they will forever regret not having done what they always longed to do. Here’s an excerpt from a recent forum post by Oh Pry:

“I like the idea of celebrating a holiday or special time of the year with a party and going to events with hot girls but at times I do like to get put it into perspective to see how long I have until I start to feel like the old guy in the group.

Even on this forum I doubt members over 30 are spending Halloween going to a party with a hot girl or having a hell of a Christmas party with hot girls doing kinky shit.

Any thoughts on this?”

We also get guys who stop by and express regret or depression that it’s too late for them and there’s little left for them to do. These are mostly men in their mid-to-late 50s... but we get guys in their 20s who express this same sentiment too.

I want to tackle this article from two perspectives. One is the mindset perspective: that is, why it’s counterproductive to worry someday you’ll be too old, or feel depressed because you think you already are too old. The other will just be a straight age-opportunity rundown: what places are available venues to you at different ages?

It’s been years… and now she wants to reconnect. Should you meet her? And beyond that, should you date her?

I received an email recently from a girl I hadn’t heard from in six or seven years.

I’d known her from social circle (back when I still maintained a social circle). She was skinny, fun, and cute, with an endearing California Valley girl accent (and all the expressiveness that entails). She also had that somewhat uptight air about her that can be a little off-putting but is really fun when you break through it and reach the real her.

Anyway, this was not a girl I’d hooked up with. Didn’t really have a good opportunity, and in any event I slept with other girls from that circle who were younger and didn’t have the same walls up she did. I met up with her various times in our shared social circle. Toward the end of my time in that circle, I scheduled a one-on-one meet with her but had to flake on it... and when she wanted to meet again I wasn’t able to make myself available for it. And after that we were in different cities and she fell off my radar. She was 29 years old back then.

So I got an email from her after more than half a decade, just saying she saw an event and wondered if I intended to go to it and asking if I was in town.

And the only thing I could think was, “Wow, 36 years old and still single, huh?”

Women care about their appearances more than most men realize. Yet once you know it, you can run better dates and approaches.

In his article on approaching girls in a high energy vs. low energy state, Alek mentioned women’s tendency to put weight on how others make them look in-venue. I thought this was a great topic, and one we haven’t talked about as much as we should have. So today’s article takes that topic and explores it further.

So let’s talk about the importance women place on appearances... both how they look themselves, and how the people and environments they’re associated with make them look.

Different women place different amounts of importance on appearances. Yet everyone values appearances to one extent or another... if not always to the same degrees, or along the same dimensions.

By the end of this article, I hope you will have a better, more intuitive grasp of the importance women put on appearances. And not to worry – we’ll talk below about why this grasp is helpful to your efforts to meet, bed, and date the women you want to do that with, too.

Girls will sleep with you, but they won’t date you… and you can’t figure out why. But there are 3 reasons this happens (and you can fix them all).

This article is targeted to upper-intermediate-to-advanced daters with retention problems.

For many of the readers of this website, the problem they have is acquisition, not retention. That is, they can hang onto a girl when they get her... it’s the ‘getting’ where they have difficulty. But there are some men in the opposite boat.

If you’re in the other boat, it’s no problem for you to get girls into bed. You bed new girls often enough, and are content with your sex life. The only issue is, it’d be nice if some of those girls stuck around to become girlfriends... but they don’t. They never stick around.

The common root of this problem is also the common root of their success: how utterly they disqualify themselves as boyfriends. Because they make it simple for women (“This guy is attractive, but he is not a boyfriend at all”), sex becomes much easier to get. She doesn’t have to ask herself if she risks losing a guy she’d like to keep by sleeping with him fast... because she doesn’t want to keep him.

Yet once she’s had her fun with a guy like this, it’s time to move on, because, well, she doesn’t want to keep him.

Today we’ll talk tactical fixes to the three (3) usual sources of the “he’s not a boyfriend” frame: value, attainability, and screening.

Men don’t always stick around for a relationship after sex. Is this wrong and is there anything bad about it – or not?

On my Friday/Saturday night date post, a female commenter took issue with my advice to a male commenter that he take advantage of rebound sex to get over a harsh relationship he just came out of.

To her point, I was perhaps a little indelicate in how I suggested he do this (it was guy-to-guy talk; this is a men’s site, after all). However, she took the occasion to launch into a moral argument that casual sex hurts women, takes advantage of them, and uses and discards them like unwanted objects. Her comment arguing this is a bit long to quote (you can read her full comment here), so I’ll just quote what is the most important part to me:

“I have had conversations with girlfriends who have told me that a guy won’t go out with them if they don’t sleep with them. Women have been conditioned to feel they have to have sex, much much sooner than they would feel comfortable. We know from studies that men don’t develop the feeling of love until at least 3-6 months into the relationship, even while sleeping with a woman. What they develop are lust emotions.

Most women have given up on the idea of a man protecting them and *actually* loving them. Valor and honor and real love for another is almost absent in most dating. What you describe in your post is not love at all. It is using people for sex, using people for the thrill of feeling desires, of entertainment, but it is not love. You are incredibly insightful with how to manipulate women to get to your ultimate goal. What I am saying is that this is the opposite of what a man of valor would do. He would protect his woman from physical exploitation, not be the one to exploit her. And he is exploiting her, even if it’s with her permission, when he is trying to extract sex from her when he doesn’t even genuinely love her--- care for her best good.

It doesn’t much matter if rebound sex helps a person feel better. That doesn’t make it right. Maybe we can just numb our conscience to the point that it is dead so that we can pursue feelings of lust and pleasure without caring what is actually loving to others?”

First off, her science is wrong. Men are more romantic than women are, heal less completely from breakups than women do, experience love at first sight at nearly double the rate of women... and that immediate in-love love-at-first-sight feeling men get is not infatuation – relationships that spring from immediate in-love feelings are every bit as stable and likely to last as those that develop from slow build-ups.

But that’s beside the point.

Our commenter’s argument is that to sleep with her, then not see her again, or not engage in or want to engage in a long-term committed relationship with her is damaging to her. You hurt her, you injure her, and you just generally make her feel bad.

So is she right? Does sex minus commitment lead to a trail of broken hearts and cynical women?

The answer I’ll give you is “yes, but.” And the ‘but’ is quite important.

But we’re not ready for the ‘but’ yet. Let’s talk about the ‘yes’ first.