Meeting and attracting members of the opposite sex.
Is your opening in a rut (or you aren’t opening many girls at all right now)? Try one of these exercises to get yourself opening again, and “freshen up” your approaching.Every guy could be a little better at opening girls.
Further, anytime you've stumbled across a new opener, you've probably gone on a bit of tear, haven't you?
How do you approach a girl whose head is big over all the compliments she’s been fending off? By disqualifying her looks… and getting her to tell you what else she has going on instead.Today we're going to talk about an old Mystery technique from back in the day.
Perhaps we should call it "Throwbacks Tuesdays" instead of "Tactics Tuesdays"!
The technique in question is the looks-disqualifying screen. You use it on hot girls who know they're hot in situations where men fawn over their looks. The point: remove a woman's sense of looks-based self-importance and cause her to qualify herself to you on qualities of hers not so readily on display.
The standard line for this is, "You're cute, but what else you do you have going on for you?" said in a way as if you're a bit bored with the fact that she "is cute" and are half-interested to know if there's anything more to her than appearance.
This tactic is deadly in certain situations. It's very well optimized for scenarios where women have big heads (and thus, high walls) due to confidence in their appearances.
That said, in other situations, it's unnecessary, and possibly tone-deaf, so let's look at when to use it before we dive into the details on how to apply it.
As an experienced dater, how do you juggle strict standards for girlfriends vs. the qualifying girls’ rarity? What must you compromise on to get the women you want?Writing on my article "Must the Girl You’re with Be a Perfect Fit?", a reader asks:
So Chase how often do you compromise on your stated standards for women you would want as girlfriends? Because when you have described it over the years it's so strict and stringent to me it seems impossible to find a woman like that consistently. If your expectations are for her to be beautiful,curvy and busty,but slim without needing to workout at the gym,have a master's,be raised by two parents,only have a few sexual partners and never a casual one,never goes out at night,not a vocal feminist and have compatability plus mutual attraction with you it sounds like finding a needle in a haystack. I know your standards have increased over the years,but it sounds impractical to only date women who meet ALL of these criteria so surely there are instances where a woman doesn't have all of these?
I think that's a reasonable question.
I don't know how helpful it will be to the average reader -- maybe more of a curiosity? -- but perhaps my thinking/process on girlfriend selection may be of use to some.
Do a few things right before you approach a new girl, and you raise the odds your approach succeeds. Spot invitations, create invitations, screen, build micro-momentum, and more.Contents
Hey guys and welcome back!
Last week I gave you my step-by-step guide on how to get back in shape, game-wise, and you learned how to get out of bad momentum.
This post links to last week’s topic. We will provide a checklist of tips and tricks to improve your opening game, focusing on pre-opening. Next week, we will cover opening.
Why does this subject link to last week’s post? The part of your game that takes the “biggest hit” when facing low momentum is your opening and hook game. (I am considering making a checklist of tips and tricks for good hook game as well). Opening hook game is the most vibe-dependent. The energy you communicate is paramount during the opening and hook.
Once you’ve passed the hook phase, it’s more about what you say and how you respond to her hoops and overall strategic calls. You’ll feel more comfortable interacting with the girl when you move past the opening and hook phase. So, despite your lower momentum, you will feel a better overall flow in the interaction.
This is not to say that you won’t feel rusty in other parts of your game. Your weaker awareness may impair your strategic choices because you have less playing room. It’s due to lower compliance from girls because of your low momentum (which affects your presence and vibe).
Now, you may be on high momentum and rocking it and just want to recap or improve your pre-opening skills. Then this post is for you.
Good pre-opening is crucial. It has direct and impactful spill-over effects on your opening game. We can’t discuss tight opening game without discussing pre-opening — you can skip it, but moving forward will be harder, on a psychological and practical level.
Maybe you are a beginner or an intermediate guy who happens to have opening as one of your sticking points. This post is also for you.
Most advice here is primarily for night game settings and bars. However, you can apply some concepts to day game with a few tweaks.
Let’s jump right in!
Without a map you’ll almost never reach an unfamiliar destination. If you want to succeed with women, you need a little navigation to get there.What's your aim with women? Have you thought about it?
When you go out to talk to girls, are you just going out randomly or is there a purpose?
Do you go out to try some techniques, and maybe they work or maybe they don't, then you go out another day and try again?
Men who are successful improving rapidly with women walk a fine line between having clear intentions while remaining outcome independent. Most guys err too far on one side of the other of this.
You get guys who have clear intentions... but they get really attached to outcomes. Every outing is an emotional roller coaster ride as they deal with things going or not going their way (often for reasons outside their control).
Then you get guys who are outcome independent... but who have fuzzy intentions. They go out, talk to girls, don't take it personal when it doesn't go their way, but sort of hang about listlessly experimenting with this or that in an undirected way.
Mapping out your desired end goals with women and thinking it through clearly can be a big help to actually getting where you want to get go with girls.
Of course, you must build your map in the most useful way.
Approaching strangers demands a variety of social skills many people never fully develop. You need a reason to approach, to make sure you’re seen, and to be friendly, to start.This is Part 2 of my reboot of our old 'Social Skills 101' series.
You can see Part 1, with a video breakdown of various socially unsavvy approaches, here.
In Part 2, we're going to talk about approaching strangers.
If all you want is solid social skills, stranger approach isn't completely necessary (though it is helpful). There are plenty of highly socially skilled people who aren't able to approach strangers.
However, I think it's good to begin with, since a.) a big part of this site is devoted to cold approach, and b.) in the event you're starting off at zero socially, as I did, to even talk to people at all you'll need to start approaching strangers.
So let's dive into approaching and opening people you don't know -- a painfully awkward, uncalibrated social situation for most (even many otherwise veteran socializers who yet never learned to approach strangers).
When your momentum meeting girls is lacking, your motivation will be down, and your effectiveness won’t be as high. How do you get out of that and back to high momentum again?Contents
Hey guys, and welcome back!
This post is about getting back in shape and re-establishing high momentum meeting girls. But this post may also be useful to new players who are starting out and need a plan to proceed on their journey. This post is suited for players of all levels: beginners and pros alike. Yes, pros too! Since they also experience bad momentum at times.
Last time, we discussed the subject of low momentum. Many of you are experiencing low momentum, or rustiness, as a result of the pandemic. You may feel a bit down, a feeling that you have lost your mojo and that your “glory days” have passed. This is typical low momentum thinking, and it can be frustrating. However, we all experience low momentum at times. You can say the same about high momentum — when you feel like a living sex god and have “that vibe” that just sucks women in.
It is a pendulum effect. Sometimes you will be on the side of bad momentum; sometimes you will have good momentum.
It happens to us all: normal people and pro-seducers. It happens to me; it happens to you.
Low momentum can be frustrating, and many start feeling like “this is it” and give up. Last week’s post was motivational. We gave you reasons for not getting carried away by negative momentum and why you should put yourself together, work harder, and get out of that bad spot. It’s the period of low momentum when you learn the most and grow as a seducer.
After reading this post, you’ll see why.
You need to break down your game, focus on fundamentals, reinforce them, and fix all underlying issues.
Then you will grow stronger.
Today’s post is a step-by-step guide on how to swing back into high momentum.
When a woman gets on a high horse, here’s an easy way to interrupt the pattern she’s in: point out to her that she’s missing something.Pattern interrupts are useful tools.
They break people out of autopilot, snap them to attention, and force them to actually consider what you're saying. Without this, people may remain tuned out, reacting rather than considering, and it can be very hard to get them to do anything other than follow along with their preprogrammed behavior.
Lately I find myself using a "missing pieces" pattern interrupt increasingly often.
It's useful when dealing with opinionated people, people with their minds made up, or people attempting to lecture you about something.
In fact, the more certain someone is in his frame, the more the "missing pieces" argument interrupts his pattern.
It's therefore an almost unique tool in that the stronger the frame control of the individual you use it on, the better it is at disrupting his frame.
How's it work? Let me show you...
It doesn’t matter how slick you look or how many great tips you’ve absorbed. Good basic social skills must come first if you wish for social success.This is the first installment in a reboot of our old series on social skills.
Social skills are the single most crucial skill set for anyone to learn to work with other people.
We'll use dating as our vehicle to discuss these skills. Nevertheless, as you learn social skills in dating, you'll apply them to every area of your life too.
Social skills aren't deliberately taught. You don't learn them in school, except incidentally. Most people only intuitively understand social rules, and only once they've learned them.
People shun and shame those with insufficient social skills and grace.
However, you can develop these skills at any age; it just takes focus and practice.
In this series kick-off article, I'm going to show you just why social skills are so absolutely crucial.
At times you’ll have low momentum in meeting, dating, and picking up girls. What can you learn during low momentum periods – and how do you get out of them?Foreword: This post was written in 2021 during the COVID-19 pandemic. The advice offered here is universally valid, although the introduction mentions the current context. If you happen to read this post later, you may skip or skim the introduction.
Hey guys, and welcome back!
As the nightlife is gradually reopening around the world, many (myself included) are starting to go out again. It can be difficult to get back “in field” and go out and meet girls again. We’ve been deprived of social interactions for so long... Many were locked up in our flats, not being allowed to socialize!
Obviously, it’s taken a toll on our skill and momentum. We feel a bit off, uncomfortable, unsmooth, and we probably are. The advice surrounding negative macro-momentum still applies. It is natural, and you shouldn’t take it personally. Momentum goes up and down, and feeling bad about being in low momentum will only make it worse. Just accept that you may be in a rough spot (back in June 2021, I was too), and plow your way back to former glory! It took me a month; it may take longer for you.
One thing takes a big hit when you’re facing low momentum: your opening and hook game. Strategic choices and escalating the vibe will also be affected, but these happen after you’ve opened and hooked the girl, which means you will feel more comfortable interacting with her. Remember that most social discomfort and “lack of vibe” disappear when you are comfortably hooked into an interaction.
For this reason, I will dedicate one of my following posts (in two weeks or so) to a checklist of good openers so you can use them to practice your opening phase if you struggle with that. You cannot practice other skills (hooking, isolating, escalating) or get laid (unless you get a hail mary) if you can’t open girls.
