Insights from the Mind of a Seducer | Girls Chase

Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

Our Burden as Men to Be Strong

Varoon Rajah's picture

By: Varoon Rajah

burden as men to be strong
We typically advise against men opening up about their weaknesses to women they date. But won’t showing a little insecurity strengthen a relationship? No, and here’s why.

As a follow up to my article on the right and wrong ways to be vulnerable, a reader was curious why it’s important not to be vulnerable about certain things in your own life when dealing with women.

The anonymous reader commented on vulnerability below:

“So the thesis of the article is that it’s best not to be vulnerable unless it’s occasional and share something that you can easily attribute to something external? I wouldn’t be able to talk about what a struggle my adolescent life is because of depression? Or how my Asian parents did a poor job raising me, and it led to me having low self-esteem? We really can’t share our past traumas under any circumstance without losing our women? We have to pretend like everything is okay, and we never had any struggle in our lives past or current even if that’s not the case? What if you just make it seem like it was in the past, but you’re a different man now, and the only reason you’re actually telling her is because it feels good to share it with someone else instead of keeping it bottled in? I feel like men constantly have to do a lot of posturing just for the sake of attracting and keeping women interested in them whereas women don’t really have that concern.”

On the boards the other day, I read two similar comments about how unfair and inferior it is to be a male in today’s society.

The first comment:

“Women date up. Men date down. Men have to fear that their penis doesn’t [measure] up. Women can be relatively skinny and have unlimited abundance with[out] having to work for it. Men have to work to be providers. Women have so many options that they can choose and compare between looks, social status, wealth, dick size, confidence, and alpha male [status]. Women only seem to compete for looks, sometimes status, and only provide pussy. Being feminine does not seem to add any additional value to our lives. Yet we have to compete on various levels of value just to be good enough. Social media and Tinder has made 5/10s with unlimited abundance.”

HOW IS THIS FAIR?

And the second comment:

“Men are expected to give women pleasure, strength, attention, validation, and security to prevent them from cheating, etc. Yet, women basically give nothing in return besides pussy. That is what bothers me the most. Not only do women reap more rewards in the sexual marketplace, they don’t even have to try as much.”

Is this really how it works?

In this article, I want to dive in further and discuss what this means. I’ll clarify and expand on my response to the comments about the article.

10 Motivation Tools to Boost Your Dating Skills

Tony Depp's picture

By: Tony Depp

motivation dating skills
It’s hard to find the motivation to go out and get rejected, but that’s what it takes to be successful in dating. These tools will give you a more positive outlook.

It’s so obvious, it’s cliché, but to find success with women, to develop skill with cold-approach pickup, you need to interact with a lot of women.

I don’t mean going to happy hour once a week, opening once and going home. To even land a coffee date with an above-average-looking girl means interacting with dozens of them. Perhaps up to a hundred, if you really suck at it.

For a newbie, this can be like someone who’s never done a chin-up being told you have to free-climb Mount Everest in nothing but a Batman cape.

For the intermediate guy, it may feel like you’ve been climbing this mountain forever. Whenever the top feels close, you gaze up to an eternal stretch of snow and rock. You’ve been trying forever. When will you finally arrive?

Framing: "I Hope" vs. "I Know"

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

hope vs know
Do you seek approval? Is your behavior tentative or uncertain… or is it clear to women that you are confident – that you just KNOW what you are and what your value is?

Sometime back, I wrote an article on giving girls oral sex (i.e., cunnilingus).

In it, I gave a tip of maintaining eye contact through the session if you want to ratchet up the intensity.

A reader writing in the comment section commented that his girl "hates it, finds it incredibly feminine." He adds that women in pornography "stare up at the guy while giving him a blow job, seeking approval." Then says that his woman doesn't want that.

It took me a moment to wrap my head around where this guy was coming from at first. Yet, then, I realized where that was.

With almost anything you can do, there are different ways of framing a thing, both internally (in your head) and externally (the way you present it).

In this case, here was me framing a thing one way. Then this reader came along and framed it another way.

This difference in framing gets picked up on by the woman herself.

Mirror Neurons in Seduction – The Foundation of Everything I Teach

Allen Reyes's picture

By: Allen Reyes

mirror neurons in seduction
Hi, I’m Gunwitch. I’ve been doing pickup and seduction for decades, and the first thing I hammer into my students’ minds is the importance of mirror neurons.

Some of you may not have heard of me, as this is my first article on Girls Chase.

Some of you might be deep, long-time followers of mine.

Some of you might recognize my name from being referenced or credited by other Girls Chase writers.

Some of you may recognize my alias, Gunwitch, from the seduction community – all the way back to the days of MASF.

Gunwitch as in “Gunwitch Method.” That Gunwitch.

You might remember my method mentioned by Neil Strauss in The Game, his book about pickup artists. He sums up my method as “His crude motto: make the ho say no.”

There’s far more to what I teach, of course. That motto came from a joke I made about not ejecting too fast out of approaches (as most guys do before they start learning, but more on that another time).

In this article, I want to delve into the foundation of everything I teach, the mortar that binds it all together, as a primer for what you'll need to understand before my more advanced techniques can work their full magic.

I’ll break the foundation down into my easy-to-remember acronym, S.E.C.T.

COVID-19 Has Not Made Dating Apps Better

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

dating apps during COVID-19 pandemic
For getting laid during a pandemic, you’d think dating apps would be the obvious solution, but sadly that’s not the case. In fact, they suck now more than ever.

Hey guys, and welcome back.

Last week I wrote an article about why dating apps suck in general. I shared my skepticism. I believe it is an inferior type of game in every way, and it is the least efficient method of dating.

As I am writing this, the world is still facing the COVID-19 pandemic. Many places are experiencing a full or partial lockdown. The field is not what it used to be, if accessible at all.

During these challenging times, online game, including dating apps and websites, are not the first thing that comes to mind. But they are indirectly recommended by health authorities. Dating apps and dating websites are supposed to be our new way to meet women.

After all, it makes sense. You are not allowed to mingle in big groups, or to go to bars and clubs. If you are, it is usually not recommended, and there are limits due to social distancing policies.

So I get it. Dating apps are supposed to save us.

Despite hating dating apps, I saw them as a potential solution. At first. So, I gave it a shot. At least I had to try.

The results? You’d expect EVERYONE, including girls, to be active on dating apps and be eager to meet a cool guy like you or me. But the truth is, this was as far from reality as it could be.

I was never the type who was big on apps like Tinder. I did get many matches during a period last year when I was experimenting with dating apps. However, these days my results have been lower than usual, almost nonexistent.

I get very few matches. Perhaps 1 in 100 swipes. That’s quite a crappy ratio, especially when you have professionally taken photos and happen to not be ugly.

So what did I see?

  1. Many prostitutes

  2. Many girls stating that they were not answering on Tinder, but that you could add them on Instagram (for attention)

  3. All sorts of girls from across the globe (this BS called Tinder Passport, even if deactivated, you still receive responses from girls from other countries)

Let’s break down these three cases. Then I’ll share my theories on WHY dating apps suck EVEN more during the pandemic, and why you should spend your energy on other options instead.

It hurts me to admit that I’m not giving you clear solutions on how to seduce during the pandemic. However, I may save you some time, energy, and emotions to find solutions that work so you can spend your time on productive activities that are not seduction-related, but beneficial to your development.

Side note: I’m currently experimenting with new solutions on how to meet girls during the pandemic. I need more data before I share, but expect my upcoming posts to cover some solutions.

Without having clear solutions yet, things are progressing well. So stay optimistic!

The Habit of Action – How ‘Active’ Men Attract Women

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By: Cody Lyans

habit of action attracts women
Women love men who step boldly forward in the face of uncertainty. An ‘active’ man can dig deeper into her truth, getting her to reveal more than she does to most men.

Back when I was struggling with women, I had a moment of crisis. I asked myself, “What am I even doing?” I broke down, ready to quit.

I was getting ready to head out one night, and the weight of everything hit me all at once. I had to grit my teeth and face the fact that what I was trying to accomplish might not be possible. I was an ordinary guy, and even ordinary guys have an absolute limit that my goals seemed to be beyond. Thoughts repeated in my head that it was impossible, unrealistic, and hurting me for no reason.

I was shaken, but I finished getting ready, strapped on my belt, tossed on my jacket, stepped into the wind outside, and traveled to the nightlife. I stoically persisted, with no reasoning, no decision, no plan, just one thing (or is it two?): a habit and a deep resolve forged from facing those struggles.

COVID-19 – The End of Dating as We Know It, Part 2

Varoon Rajah's picture

By: Varoon Rajah

dating after COVID-19
Mass unemployment has led to a rise in sugar dating. And if you can’t pay for sex, past lovers offer relief for guys unable to work their normal game in a pandemic.

Part 1 of this series explored how dating might change after the pandemic. While it is speculative (note: I want to be very clear, this is all speculation), I think there are important recent trends that indicate where society is heading, and how dating will evolve.

To be clear, there will not be a fundamental shift in how attraction and mating works. Game is game, what’s attractive will remain attractive, and what men and women want will stay the same. Women still want great lovers, great sex, great experiences, and great boyfriends. Don’t think that somehow because of the present lull, the mechanics of dating and courtship will never be the same again.

In many ways, I think dating will be the same, but some major trends could influence your opportunities and strategies to meet and date women.

Here’s what we covered in Part 1:

  • The disappearance of office space, and the rise of the work from home culture. Fewer people are commuting, with more on-the-go, flexible schedules, flexible travel, and home-away setups.

  • Potential depopulation, more affordable cities.

  • The decline of business travel.

  • Increasing reliance on online dating. If it’s not your primary method of meeting women in the good times, at minimum, have a functional online dating profile during the bad times.

Now let's cover the impact of COVID-19 and technology on dating. We’ll start with an interesting growing trend in the market: the rise of sugar baby game and sugar dating.

Tactics Tuesdays: What to Do When She Pulls a Switcheroo

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

switcheroo
If you have an agreement with a woman, then time passes, and she wants to renegotiate for yet more favorable terms… what do you do?

A woman writes on Reddit about her relationship:

I’ll try to keep this short... my fiancé and I have been together for 5 years now. I knew very early in the relationship I had no intention of taking his last name. After the first year or so of dating when we talked about the future I mentioned I wouldn't want to take his last name because I like my last name. I’m second generation Italian and my last name reflects that. It’s an important aspect of who I am and my fiancé at the time understood. I said I probably would be fine if any kids we had had his last name and we dropped the conversation since it was so early in the relationship.

Fast forward four years we are obviously much closer to actually having kids then when we had that initial conversation. I mentioned today that I’m not sure I want the kids to just have his last name. I explained that it didn’t seem fair for them to be half genetically mine, and for me to carry them for nine months but for their names only to reflect him. I listed some options other people do, hyphenating the names, using one last name as a middle name, making a new combined last name, etc. To be clear this would only be for the kids I’m not asking him to change his name.

He said this wasn’t fair because he had already “compromised” by saying I could keep my name and that I told him the kids could have his last name so I can’t change my mind. I told him I’ve changed my mind as we have matured and the prospect of kids has become more real (which in my mind seems more fair then holding me to an off hand comment several years ago) but he is still extremely upset and not talking to me.

Now, Reddit, as you might expect, being Reddit, is in full support of this woman.

I'm not really interested in whether she should take your name, or the kids should take her name, or you hyphenate last names, or whatever. The whole situation is frankly a little ridiculous.

Regardless, my interest in this seemingly petty affair is this: what do you if you've already established something in a relationship, and then your woman decides to unilaterally change it?

The guy here was obviously upset. But look how he reacted: he just went off and sulked.

This is not the way you deal with someone attempting to renegotiate previously settled terms.

When a woman wants to pull a switcheroo on you, you don't beg, plead, or sulk.

Instead, if you can't shut it down, or talk it out calmly, you pull a switcheroo right back.

5 Stages of Grief and Ghosting

Tony Depp's picture

By: Tony Depp

dating ghosting flaking

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
    —Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

One of my greatest hurdles with pickup and dating is dealing with the stream of rejections, disappointments, and the emotional crash tied to them.

I’d love to say I don’t care, but that would be a lie. It’s just part of the game and something you can train your mind, body, and soul to deal with. After all, they call it the “Game” because it’s supposed to be fun, right?

For most of us, the trauma of not hooking up with a girl we like, although nothing compared to surviving a Nazi death camp (search the above quote), may feel the same. That is, not to those who aren’t self-aware of their emotional states, psychology, how they function, and why. I call these people “Sleep Walkers” because they walk through life in a dream, blown about by the winds of chance like puppets who can’t see the strings.

Most of my clients come to me because they’ve hit a perceived “rock bottom.” They were dumped, divorced, or rejected, which caused enough emotional trauma for them to wake up and realize that suffering is no solution. The only path out of suffering is awareness and action.

It may take a very long time to awaken, because knowledge may be abrupt, but wisdom is slow. It’s not like striking your thumb with a hammer, where you learn “Damn! That really hurt. Don’t do that again.” You’ll instinctually understand that this activity hurts, but the process of learning the art of a hammer is slow and long.

Emotional pain is the same but lasts even longer. It seems like it’s never our fault. It’s “their” fault, or “its” fault. Taking responsibility for the cause of emotional pain comes slowly. It’s not like a hammer. The pain isn’t abrupt or obvious.

Every emotion you feel is because you allow yourself to feel it — even the pain of rejection. Just like a hammer on your thumb, accidents happen. But you don’t blame the hammer. You learn how to use it better.

Your mind, just like the hammer, is a tool.

In this article, I’m going to show you how your mind works, so the next time you’re flaked on, or ghosted by a girl, you won’t go into a month-long depression. Instead, learn to use your mind, like a baker uses sugar to create a tastier dish than the pie of despair you’ve been feeding yourself.

Don't Tell Women Your Weaknesses

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

tell girlfriend your weaknesses
Sometimes you want to open up to a girl and tell her your fears and weaknesses. But this behavior itself is a weakness – and you should not indulge it.

I have seen a certain behavior since I got into the seduction community that seems to be fairly common.

It is a behavior of men seeking to bond with women by opening up about their weaknesses, foibles, and fears. Or else seeking to use women as de facto therapists.

The end result is rarely what the man hopes for: instead, it hardens the woman on the man, turns her against him, and leads to him (the man) getting hurt.

Every time I see a man do this, my reaction is, "Why would you do that?"

And a lot of the time the man will answer with, "I thought she would care about me," or, "I just wanted to feel accepted," or, "I thought it was safe to open up to her."

Or they will say, "I thought women liked vulnerability."

It is true, women do like vulnerability. However, they like strong vulnerability.

They despise weakness.

Women are not cruel by default. But they very often are cruel to men they view as weak. This is an important principle to understand: women are kind to strong men, and cruel to weak men. This is because women adore strong men, and women despise weak men.

Even women with good hearts. Even women who do not want to hurt anyone. If you show weakness (not vulnerability, but weakness) to a woman, she is going to feel the emotion of disgust. She may be self-aware enough to resist this emotion, and recognize an injured soul and tell herself to feel compassion for you, but she is still going to be disgusted nevertheless.

You must not go around showing or flaunting weaknesses to women.

Especially not women you want to sleep with or have any kind of ongoing relationship with.