Do you ignore signs of interest from girls or get too nervous to
approach? You may want to spend 5 minutes to rehearse approaches and
scenarios in your mind.
If you’ve ever gone out to chat up new women and had approach anxiety hit, you know
how much it sucked. You wanted to talk to girls, hoped to talk to
girls, tried to talk to girls... then couldn’t.
You walked up next to a girl with the long black hair and the tight
jeans on the street corner as she waited for the light to change.
You said nothing.
You took a seat in a café next to a girl with medium-length blonde
hair and big googly glasses. She glanced at you a few times, and you
tried to summon your nerve. Yet your nerve went unsummoned, and you and
her never spoke.
That night you went out with your buddies to the lounge, and this
one girl in a sequined dance danced over right near you. You could tell
she wanted to meet you. You tried to get yourself to say hi, but you
didn’t say anything.
It might be you just weren’t socially warmed up. You lack social momentum, and needed to
do some warm-ups – but you hadn’t done
them yet.
You wish you could just spring into action the moment you saw a girl.
Is there a way you could?
Perhaps there is. Next time you go out, try to rehearse your approaches first.
Everyone out there is trying to influence you. How susceptible
are you to that influence – and how susceptible are those around you?
I wanted to write a quick post (that turned out not to be so quick)
on resistance and susceptibility to
influence. This article is something of a cousin piece to my piece on grouping and herding in dating
from last week.
The subject of this article - resistance and susceptibility to
influence- goes for you and the people around you. Your friends, your
family, your workmates, your lovers, partners, and dates.
Everyone is susceptible to the influence of other people and forces.
The degree of susceptibility varies from person to person, and
situation to situation. Some people are more easily influenced than
others. Some situations make it easier to influence people than
others. Most people are only marginally aware (at best) of their
influencability.
If you are susceptible to influence but do not realize it, other
people can step into your mind and make you think things and believe
things you might not really want to think or believe. This can lead you
to taking actions you might previously not have agreed with. Sometimes
this turns out to be beneficial; sometimes not really.
For an example of the beneficial sort, I had a friend in university
who influenced me to
apply for an internship with Nike and pick up a minor in supply chain.
Until this friend, I did not care about getting a job after school, was
doing the minimum necessary to get through school, and disdained the
idea of internships. Yet because of this friend, who'd had an
impressive co-op run building a new supply chain process at Tyco, I
grew excited about getting a
good job and doing better in school. I didn't get the internship, but
came in second in a pool of 200 candidates and got some very valuable
feedback from the interviewer which played a key role in me getting the
job I did get, a year later.
I got more a lot more focused on school and got straight As again the
next semester, for the first time in years. And I got my dream job on
the first try - I zeroed in on them and the job fair and blew their
socks off in my interview. Had that friend not influenced me, none of
that would've happened.
Years later, I was in a startup where one of my business partners
influenced me to open up the purse strings more than I thought was
wise, against my instincts and all the reading I'd done on
startups spending all their money too quick being one of the #1 reasons
they go under. He influenced me to do a number of other things more
in-tune with how he thought we should do things and less in tune with
how I thought we should. We ran out of money and I had to close the
business and lay everyone off. The partner who'd influenced me to spend
more managed to negotiate the rights to the business away from myself
and the other partner (despite having joined the startup much later,
and having taken far more capital out of it than he'd put into it),
then sold those
rights to another group of founders. The business is now a successful
venture-backed business doing everything I originally wanted to do, and
would've had it do... had we not run out of funds so quick.
I don't regret the experience (I enjoy Girls Chase much more as a
business; and
I received a lifetime of invaluable lessons in negotiation, predatory
partnerships, and sticking to your guns - plus a
healthy dose of business confidence after I found I'd been right
all along), but the outcome was a direct result of that business
partner influencing me to act in ways contrary to how I'd have acted on
my own.
Every human being is susceptible to
the influence of other human beings. There are no exceptions to
this. Locate the strongest, most resolute human being in the world, and
I guarantee you we can find a way to make him crack with enough time,
and the right people, in the right situation.
The question we want to look at today though is how susceptible vs. resistant are you and
those around you?
What’s one thing all the best seducers have in common? Logistical
awareness. Where to go, what to pay attention to, and all the secret
spots inside the venue.
“Your
article stings and hurts [f]or one reason...which is #8 on this list
[don't have any interests or passions]. That's me. That's the reason
I'm a mid-30s virgin and am too scared to try any relationships with
women. I have a well paying job, own my house, have good relationships
with my parents, and behave the way in my "nice guy" mind an attractive
guy should be. But I have no passion. I hate and avoid competitive
things, because I feel so bad about myself when I fail. I never played
sports as a kid for that reason. I'm sort of a wuss, really. #8 is
KILLING me. Girls I like have passions. Guys they are with have
passions. Why should they like a wuss like me who avoids passionate
things? At least it makes sense to me. I even have a girls number and
I'm too afraid to call her for fear of exposing my wuss, passionless
self. That and the fact that I don't socialize with any friends...don't
really have any at that. I realized long ago I had no hobbies other
than masturbating, and so I started taking up guitar. But even that's
wuss because that's not competitive. At least not the way I play. I'm
lost and I don't know how to get around this, no matter what I read. I
need specific help.”
We've had a lot of guys ask the "How to be passionate?" question
over the years. Most of the advice out there is ephemeral - you've got to search for what you're
passionate about! they tell you. Makes for a nice sound bite,
and
while it is true, it is also
pretty useless, as far as
advice goes.
We're going to nail it down for you today, and give you some
practical tips you can use to immediately get the 'passion' area of
your life handled.
Because, well, everything's better with passion. Until you reach the
point where everything's better with Zen... however, that's a
discussion for another day.
Today, let's put the magnifying glass on passion, and see how to add
it into your life even when it seems like it isn't there.
“You shouldn’t do this” – there’s no better way to get someone to
do it than to tell her not to. Here’s how to use reverse psychology in
dating and relationships.
In a comment on my article last week about orgasm anchoring, a reader named
Edgy asks:
“Hey Chase! Any
perspectives on how reverse psychology ties in with seduction?”
(aside: apologies for my delays on responding to comments, by the
way.
We’re doing a reshoot of several of the One Date lessons in May +
shooting a bunch of other stuff, and all the logistical, writing, and
managing prep for that has left me even less time than usual. I will
get to comments, though!)
The gist of reverse psychology is that you advocate for the opposite
of what you want someone to think, feel, or do. “Do not push!” written
on a button, for instance – you can’t help but want to push that
button, just to see what happens.
In terms of dating and relationships, that might mean you tell your
date or girlfriend to do the opposite of what you in fact wish her to
do. Or it might mean you act like you support the position opposite the
one you hope she herself will choose.
Before you think this is some passive-aggressive way to get your
way, think again. It’s a quite powerful psychological device – and you
can use it in a variety of ways.
Despite our language and identities, people move in herds. You
have three (3) tools to get the girl you want from her tribe:
integration, separation, and absorption.
We think of ourselves as individuals. Separate, unique, we act
entirely of our own volition.
Yet man is a herd animal. Cram him into a wall-to-wall,
shoulder-to-shoulder crowded concert or train station, then spook the
herd, and you kick off a stampede. People may die, crush others, or
trample, as throngs of panicked individuals, each catching the sense
of panic from the next, surge over and against each other for the
exits. In the aftermath of some deadly stampedes, investigators
can find no emergency and cannot even figure out what caused the panic.
Show a man a market craze that everyone is getting in on and watch
him
lose his mind. In China, peer-to-peer lending has exploded as the
economy has declined, even though defaults on these loans are sky high
and the prospect of getting a return is dim. A few months earlier in
the West, a Bitcoin craze thundered across the market. It was
unrelated to any improvement in the usability or acceptance of Bitcoin
as a currency – in fact, over the past several years, Bitcoin has only
grown worse as a currency.
100% of Bitcoin’s increased valuation
was due to market speculators buying up Bitcoin to cash in on the
craze.
Yet during Bitcoin fever, everyone was an optimist, telling friends,
family members, and coworkers to “buy, buy, buy!” Today, five months
after the crush began, the price of
Bitcoin has come very close to where it was before the stampede ever
began;
in the process, thousands of people made fortunes, and thousands of
others lost them (I personally know a few folks on both sides). Every
bit of those gains and losses came at the expense or benefit of someone
else gambling the other way.
(side note: fun dub of a Russian music video a friend of mine who
was heavily invested in Bitcoin shared with me during the peak of the
Bitcoin craze):
These, of course, are extreme scenarios.
And much of the time, even for people aware of human herd mentality,
the concept gets peacefully tucked away into a kind of “only in
extremes”
awareness. Only in extreme situations, we tell ourselves, do humans
behave in mindless, herd-like
ways. The rest of the time, we are those unique, separate, totally
consciously in-control individuals
we tell ourselves we truly are.
However, this isn’t how it works at all. Man, as a social animal, is
every bit as groupish as ants, horses, biofilms, and wildebeest. More
to the point for our purposes, if you want
to peel a woman out of her group, or get her to do what you
wish in public, an understanding of how grouping and herding works in
the people you’d like to influence is key.
Situational awareness makes a huge difference in your ability to
meet and connect with women. You must notice the right things – and
filter out noise and distractions.
Today we are going to talk more about state. Previously we discussed
what is was – primarily a social and
sexual state – and how it can be useful to be in such state when out
meeting women. We also discussed how to get
into and manage this state.
What we will discuss today is a topic that has not been discussed
much in this scene – awareness.
I will explain what I mean by the term
and how it is useful. That said, I know some of you become skeptical
when one uses terms such as “awareness.” This is partly due to the term
being vastly used in spirituality and other similar stuff. Whether or
not you believe in such things, I can tell you right now that this post
has nothing to do with that. In fact, what we will cover is actually
rather practical in nature.
Besides feeling slightly social (but not too much, as we discussed)
and preferably sexual (in order to sub-communicate sexual intent), I
find the most ideal state is to be relaxed and aware. Think of a
Zen-like state, where your head is clear and you feel calm, and you see
everything going on around you. It is like seeing the whole world from
a third perspective. You see who talks to whom, you see who knows whom.
You also see who is attracted to whom. And more importantly, you easily
spot who is looking at you.
You also easily spot girls who are logistically available. Think of
a girl standing on a podium attention whoring verses the
girl sitting
alone in a corner. Or let us say you are inside a noisy club and happen
to prefer using verbal seduction. Suddenly you spot your favorite girl
grabbing her pack of smokes and heading outside. That is the time when
you wait a minute and “coincidentally” go out for a smoke/fresh air
yourself.
When you have more than one girlfriend, a few rules are key: she may suspect you see other women, but you must never give her PROOF.
Welcome back to the Harem Series!
In Part 1, I shared the vital importance of Queen Theory, and why every woman you’re dating emotionally must feel like your #1 woman at all times.
I also recently wrote an article where we talked about the core differences between monogamy and non-monogamy: getting bored and losing interest versus dealing with jealousy, respectively. In that article, I discussed how to prevent boredom from seeping into your monogamous relationships. So now we’ll discuss how to prevent jealousy in non-monogamous relationships, and the importance of being discreet.
This article was inspired by something I witnessed one night while in one of the cafes I frequent. I know a few of the regulars who go there. There’s a cute girl, Rebecca, who is sought after by some of the guys, including my friend Rob. Rob has been after Rebecca for over a year, but she’s never paid him any heed, even though they were friends. Eventually Rob moved on, and a few months later started to date a new woman, Elizabeth, whom he brings to the café from time to time after she gets off work. I’ve met Elizabeth, and she’s cute, fun, and cool.
However, this act sparked a new interest in Rob – from Rebecca! After all, preselection is one of the surest signs of an attractive man, and girls are copy cats; they want what other women have. This caused Rebecca to start pestering Rob and his business partner Dave on afternoons while they were both working when Elizabeth wasn’t there yet.
That night, I witnessed Dave take a chance and seduce Rebecca just to see how far he could get. Elizabeth wasn’t there, and Rob was playing a video game on his computer, facing Dave across the table. Rebecca went right along with Dave and did it in her own way; she placed herself on Dave’s lap right in front of Rob while she and Dave were flirting with each other. And I got a second-row seat to the action as well. It got to the point where Dave was massaging her back and putting his fingers in her mouth while she was giving him sultry looks. Rebecca was openly talking with Dave about great sex, and Dave could have taken her out to the back right then and there and shagged her if he wanted.
She was having fun, but she was also doing all this because of her jealousy for Rob and Elizabeth. Rebecca really wanted to make sure he saw how desirable she was to his business partner. Some guys might ask “Why didn’t Rebecca just get with Rob when she had the chance?” Well, it doesn’t always work that way with women. The point of this story is also to show you how jealousy can manifest – and it can cause some extreme behavior.
You can train a woman to do and enjoy something – or to cut that
something out – with a simple (but mighty) operant conditioning tactic
called “orgasm anchoring.”
Have you got something you’d like a girl to do, but she isn’t that
excited about? Anchor it with orgasms!
Or maybe there’s something she does, and you’d like her to cut it
out? Anchor it with orgasms!
This article presumes you’re adept at making women climax from
sexual intercourse already.
And ideally, that you’re able to string together multiple vaginal
orgasms in
her. If you’re not yet, or you’ve got a girl who’s sexually closed off
and hasn’t learned to cum yet (or to cum easily / multiple times in a
row), give these two articles a gander:
Also, you should probably have a decent grasp of how anchoring
works. I’ll give you a quick overview, but I suggest you check out my
full article on it here:
Understand the Triumvirate of Uncertainty. Nail down your certainty
by improving your morality, your knowledge of women, and socializing.
Figure out what you want from others, then learn how to demonstrate
these certainties in your verbal and non-verbal expressions. That will
cover most situations where you must take the lead.
But the question I raised in Part 3 remains: do you ever
really know where you’re going? Are you ever truly certain about
anything?
The answer to that question gives us two possibilities.
If one can ever be truly certain about anything, how do I get
there?
If one can never be truly certain about anything, how do I lead
decisively?
If we’re stuck with inevitable uncertainty, we can still succeed,
because for women, appearance trumps substance. If it looks like it
works and actually works, who cares what it’s made of? Practicality
wins. Thus the answer here, if certainty is impossible, is that you
don’t fake it until you make it; you fake it because there’s
no other option that works.
Even if you make the wrong play, say the wrong thing, make the wrong
facial expression, or time some move with a girl or a follower
incorrectly, you can still stumble forward without missing a beat, and
succeed. Most of my seductions are rough. Like fighting, love and sex
are messy. The better your training and experience, and the better your
fundamentals, the more smooth and error-free you are. But you can’t
always prevent error, especially with wildcards like jealous guy
friends or cockblocking girlfriends, or a resentful member of your
social circle. See, that’s all perfect execution. But this series is
about perfect certainty, not perfect execution.
And now, to answer the question. Can you ever be 100% certain about
anything, including what you want, what you know, and what you think you
ought to do?
I have three answers, starting with the most practical answer.
Commenting
on my article about 
