Confidence

A lot of guys bail out of their interactions with women too soon. How do you stop ejecting from women, and start winning with them?

The worst thing to come out of most guys' mouths when dealing with women is: "Well, it was nice to meet you."

This is the classic bail out ejection line of the beginner. All the way from budding pickup artists to just a guy trying to meet a girl who gave him some eye contact at the bar.

One of the biggest mistakes beginners, intermediates and even advanced guys make is never getting rejected. They reject themselves first.

Women don't know your insecurities or care about them. So be free. Let the past go, and go get the girl.

In the dating community, there's always this debate about inner vs. outer game, technique vs. belief.

The truth is, they're symbiotic. Where would the bee be without flowers? It would just buzz around and die.

Can you learn to be social, alone in a room, on your computer or phone? Not really – you must get out into the world and socialize.

A man is not defined by his job, car(s), trophy wife (or wives), luck in the genetic lottery (good looks), muscles, house(s), other expensive toys (airplane(s), yacht(s)) or cashflow. He can have all those things, and still be considered a ruffian. Rough around the edges. People may still generally avoid him outside of what he can provide for them in terms of access to the various resources he commands.

What’s the missing ingredient? What is the feature which one finds to be ubiquitous among people who belong to the old landed aristocracy – the nobility – in Europe, and its American counterpart – “older” money (descendants of the industrial barons of the Gilded Age) and those belonging to the first families to set foot in today’s United States?

This will be the subject of today’s article. I will endeavor to guide you through what I consider to be the single most important tool you can possess to achieve personal satisfaction in life.

Women will throw all kinds of tests your way. On dates and in relationships, the tests don't stop. That can grate you… or you can learn to love it.

Whether you're approaching a woman for the first ever time, or you're dealing with her in your long-term relationship, she's going to test you.

These tests never go away. Not permanently.

You can get a woman to a point in a pickup where she is more or less fully on board with you and the tests subside to a light flirtatious murmur... so long as you maintain the vibe, the forward progress, and don't make big mistakes.

You can get a woman to a point in a relationship where she has fallen back in-love with you again after a time not being so, where the adversity in the relationship has quelled, and she's staring at you with dreamy eyes again... for a while.

Tests always return, though.

Sometimes they sneak back in in little ways, dancing around the fringes.

• The girl you're picking up pushes back gently and playfully when you invite her home: "Oh, we're leaving so soon?"

• The girl you've been dating for 6 months who's mostly pretty happy with you puts your feet to a gentle fire: "Where do you want this relationship to go?"

Sometimes the tests come roaring in in earth-shattering ways. She tells you there's no way she'd go with you, or that the relationship is done.

The first time most guys realize this, it feels like a colossal burden.

"The tests never end!"

Yet so much of life is how you frame it. This is true with tests as it is with anything.

Tests can be an endless burden, yes. Or they can be a thing you appreciate, or even love.

You must fail before you succeed at any great skill. This is especially true for getting girls, a skill so many men fear failing at so greatly.

I was working with a client who is struggling with all the usual suspects:

Every guy wants to succeed more with the girl(s) he likes. Before you can do that, though, you must first do something else: erase your inner nice guy.

Back when I was hopeless with women, I wanted to claim this smoking hot barista as a trophy wife.

At only 25 years old, she had the confidence of a Somalian princess. She was well-traveled and far more experienced with men than I was with women.

Every day I’d make sure to buy my coffee from her. Over a few months of small talk, we became a bit familiar. She wasn’t a friend but she always smiled when she saw me.

I racked my brain for ways to impress her enough to make her horny for me. Finally, I had the biggest most brilliant idea:

I would show her how amazingly creative and witty I was.

Could you be shameless? When you talk to a woman and she attempts to shame you (for any reason), the best thing to do is stand firm… and unashamed.

The world today is a bizarre, polarized place where a whole lot of people get off on acting shocked at opinions that were standard fare even a decade ago.

People make accusations.

They give you funny looks.

If you're just getting used to women now, those shocked reactions, looks, and accusations might be enough to make you want to crawl back into your shell... or simply never share your thoughts on anything again.

Yet here's the thing: if you are unapologetic about who you are and what you think, and you own it, and can't be bullied into shame, people will respect you.

They'll respect you far more than those timorous souls who duck their heads and prostrate themselves before whoever dares accuse them of things.

This can make all the difference between a woman who's disgusted with you, and one enamored with you.