Confidence

If you go out to flirt and talk with women, and you set up dates, and have sex, does that mean what you’re really after is female approval? Well, yes and no.

There is this argument that resurfaces every so often from the MGTOW/MRA/incel crowd. The argument is that by approaching women, flirting with them, asking them out, and sleeping with them, you are engaged in approval-seeking behavior. A seducer is the ultimate 'approval seeker', by this logic, because he devotes even more time to seeking out women to date and bed than an ordinary guy.

It's an interesting argument.

At its core, there is truth. There's a fair bit of approval seeking among some chunks of dating men. And in general, any public activity you engage in to any extent involves at least a little approval seeking.

Speaking to another human is always going to be a form of approval speaking: you want this other human to acknowledge (and approve of) your thoughts, perspectives, point of view. (If you don't think that's the case, then find me one person who has no reaction when his thoughts or perspectives are rejected and mocked by another individual. Such a man is very rare.)

You want to feel (in the language of today's progressives) validated (approved of) by others.

If you have a little trouble approaching (or sticking with it after the first few approaches), just switch yourself over to “pickup practice mode.”

There are three different 'going out modes' a guy can be in when he might meet girls:

1. Just hanging out mode
2. Make something happen mode
3. Pickup practice mode

One of the major differentiators between different skill levels of seducer is what mode the guy gets 'hung up' in. Because to do truly well with women you want to be able to use all three.

Fear can be useful to avoid being eaten by lions. But when it comes to approaching women and living life to its fullest, you must learn how to be fearless.

Imagine how awesome your life would be if you knew how to be fearless. You could do anything. You’d be full beast mode.

I have a friend. Let’s call him Jim. Jim’s a writer. He's like me but not as good looking. He always wanted to write the next American classic. He wanted to be the next Bukowski, Jack London, or Hemingway.

Whenever I’d return from a trip to some foreign country, like Vietnam, Ukraine, or Mexico, I’d invite him to come on my next trip with me. He’d say, “Tony, isn’t it dangerous there? I prefer a nice, safe Alaskan cruise. You should try a cruise.”

When I went camping with him, all he wanted to do was sit around, drinking and sketching pictures of the campfire. I wanted to trek into the forest and climb the nearest mountain. “Oh, Tony, but there are bears and stuff. We could get lost.”

He is also obsessed with mainstream media and believes that right-wing Nazis are taking over the world again. He lives in a constant state of fear. Every decision has some terrible consequence. In this perpetual state of paranoia, nothing truly inspirational happens, nothing random, adventurous, or worthy of retelling.

He never wrote his great American novel because he never had any great American experiences. He never fought real Nazis, or traveled to Africa, or made love to exotic women. Because he had no idea how to be fearless as a man, he couldn’t live a life adventurous enough to write a book.

He fears death. And it’s the fear of death that keeps us from living.

I told him that, and we haven’t been friends since.

You might worry what she'll think of your clothes, hair, mood, or your place. But she doesn't always care about this stuff as much as you think.

There are many things men often think women care about... that they really, absolutely do NOT.

It's one of the biggest mental blocks that holds men back with women. Guy worries about something women don't care about, and proceeds to not try. "I'm too X; she won't want me. So I won't try." "I'm not Y enough; she won't want me. So I won't try." Meanwhile the reality is she doesn't care about X or Y, or not to the extent you think she does.

I have a friend who was prolific with women years back and took some time off from proper dating. He's now getting back into the swing of meeting new girls. The other day he had a sexy girl eye him up hard... another guy was hitting on her friend, and this girl wanted my buddy. But he had a few reasons to not go for her: he had to finish some work he had a deadline for, and also... his place was too dingy and dirty. He'll switch to a newer, nicer apartment in a few days and prefers to wait to pick up until then.

The work thing is understandable. But the apartment thing stuck out at me.

Because women (most women) do not care about a dingy apartment when they are into you enough.

I have slept with plenty of women in small, crummy apartments or hotel rooms.

I have shagged women in friends' filthy, crumb-filled, stained sheets that hadn't been changed in months.

I have shagged women on the dirt outside, shagged them on rocks, have gone raw on countless women I just met (most objections I've gotten to that have come during or after, rather than before). I have shagged women after not having showered for a week. I have shagged women when I had body odor they complained about (but not enough to stop the sex. Also, just for the record, my body odor is usually not bad. Not sure why it occasionally is. Diet? Stress? Who knows?). This is all stuff about which a whole lot of guys would say "Oh no, I couldn't possibly have sex with her now, because X!"

Women will tell you they care about all this stuff. But mating itself is a dirty act, and once a woman decides she wants you, dirty stuff she'd have told you would be a deal breaker other times largely stops mattering.

I grew up compulsively clean, too. It took me time to get over that, and to realize all but the most germophobic women do not care about it, when they want you. I get a kick out of dirty lays today. It's a bit of a thrill to be some girl's dirty man. Many guys these days are too tidy to be that for her. (that said, I do usually try to keep things clean. If only for my own peace of mind)

However, this article isn't just about being a dirty lover. It's about ALL the stuff guys use to talk themselves out of taking action... yet that girls don't actually care about.

There is a lot more stuff guys think women care about that they don't than dirty apartments, sheets, showers, or smells.

Women are instinctively attracted to men with dark triad qualities. But you don’t have to be a psychopath to capitalize on that. The first step is learning to not care.

Have you ever felt like you’re being watched? Like Big Brother or the Eye of Sauron is gazing down upon you, judging your actions, biding its time before sending in the Gestapo to whisk you off to some dungeon?

You’re not alone.

This is what many men feel like when they’re doing pickup. That they’re being watched, and what they’re attempting to do is so morally reprehensible that it’s practically criminal. The current political climate adds to these fears, no doubt.

It’s such a common issue that I’ve written dozens of articles and could probably write an entire book on the subject. I might call it:

The Unapologetic PUA: How to Not Care What People Think

In regards to picking up girls, if you want to be great at it, you have to not care what anyone thinks about you. You must be:

• Not in your head worrying yourself out of approaching
• Present, calm, and charming when you do approach

It’s what men spend years attempting to master. To become soulless approach-robots with one aim in life: to have sex with hot girls!

There are many common errors men make in dating. These errors sabotage in small ways or large ways with women. The errors put guys through endless frustrations... usually of their own doing.

We'll talk about an error today in the way guys often think about "next time." Because it's sort of a big one, but it's likely one you won't stop to reconsider too often.

If you sift back through your memories, I bet you will find instances where you thought "I'll do it next time." See a beautiful girl? "I'll talk to her next time." Talk to beautiful girl? "I'll ask her out next time." On a date with beautiful girl? "I'll ask her home next time." Home alone with beautiful girl? "I'll make a move on her next time." As soon as you read these, I know you know the thoughts are counterproductive. If you're like most men, you still have them sometimes anyway though, don't you?

What's not included are the 'next time' thoughts you don't have. Like "That girl rejected me, but I'll get it next time." Or "My approach sucked. Next time will be better." Or "It's all gone tits-up with this girlfriend. But I'll do things right with my next one."

Men have these 'positive next time' thoughts far less often than they should. Yet they are a key to staying sane in the moment, and heading off neediness before it crops up.

Guys get told they’re guilty of horrible double standards all the time. But are double standards actually a bad thing… and are they even real?

There is a strange phenomenon in urban places. Double standards come under attack.

Not all double standards, mind you. But certain ones.