Dating

How come when a girl is really hot, you mess up more, even if you don’t with more average girls? There’s a reason for it – and it happens to almost every guy, too.

I recently received an email from a long-time acquaintance who'd left England to begin traveling through Central and South America and get back to picking up girls again while also working as a yoga instructor.

He'd continued sleeping with average girls from dating apps over the lockdowns, then once his trip started, he bedded a few more average girls from hostels. Assuming all was good with his game, and he must be rust-free, he then proceeded to meet an extremely beautiful Argentinian girl... and it all fell apart.

He says:

I met physically my perfect girl who was working on the tour desks. She’s Argentinian and I’m really into Latin girls.  I suggested she joined me for dinner and it went really well. I deep dived alot and after dinner moved her to a quiet sofa outside by the pool.  She was a little bit tipsy by now from all the Argentinian wine at dinner, and was sitting super close to me.  She also told me what an amazing evening she’d had and hugged me twice for a long time.  It was the obvious escalation window, only I didn’t do anything!

My reasoning was that I’m new here and don’t want to seem like I was taking advantage of her when she was drunk.  I figured I had loads of other opportunities.  It was also late and I had to teach yoga in the morning. So we hugged and went our separate ways. 

That was a big mistake!  She text me the next morning saying how good a night she had. Now all I was thinking about is ‘this is going to be the hottest girl I’ve slept with, when can I get her alone again!’  So I went into full on chasing mode, suggesting she came with me on my weekend trip and suggesting a load of other potential dates. Plus inviting her to come and stay with me in London!

By time we had dinner it was the next week and by then her long distance boyfriend was unexpectedly coming to see her for a day later in the week.  She’d also been offered a job in Tulum and was leaving at the weekend.  This made me think ‘this is my last chance, need to impress her’ so I was way too high energy. Got her back to my room to drink wine on the balcony, but waited way too long to do anything, plus hadn’t been touching her or leading the conversation towards sex.

Also I’d been doing way too much deep diving that it had become an interview.  She was tired so I knew it was my last chance, so tried to kiss her with no setup.  She said she just wanted to keep things as they are as we get on really well and I said nothing to persuade her otherwise!  I just waited a while and tried to escalate a couple more times, which again was chasing and unsuccessful.

I spoke to her a few times around the hostel in the week afterwards, but just casual friendly stuff. Turns out I’ll be in Tulum next weekend, she said let her know, but feel like it would be hard to arrange to see her without it seeming like I’m chasing.  I was so mad with myself the next day! The escalation window had been wide open with a super hot girl, and I decided to walk away! But at least it lead to me re-reading a lot of your stuff!

Now, it wasn't like his game just completely disappeared. Because the very next day this happened:

The next day I had another tinder date with a Mexican girl who didn’t speak English.  As I really didn’t care about her of course my game was great and quickly slept with her and had a great night!

He wraps up by asking:

Would you say there should be no difference between game with 10’s than average tinder date girls? If you haven’t written an article on this I think it’s an interesting topic. And how would you play seeing the Argentinian girl again?

I've written about that in places, in snippets, but I don't think I've ever devoted a complete article to the subject.

So, let's do that now. Let's talk about why guys screw up with really hot girls... and whether you can (and should) approach them exactly the same as more ordinary, average, or cute girls.

She quit responding to your texts, but then, months later, there she is, messaging you to meet up. What happened, and why did she reappear?

Remember that girl you were texting a couple months ago, who kept dodging your date requests, then eventually ghosted you completely?

Well, she just texted you again, and now it seems like she wants to meet.

What the heck happened?

Should you accept her invitation after that, well, period of darkness she put you through?

There's a simple explanation for why women go through these 'dark periods', and once you understand it, you probably won't take them too personally.

That explanation is this:

She started seeing some other guy, and dropped off the map.

However, she has now stopped seeing him, and she's back on the map again.

As more and more men crowd into women’s profiles and messages, how do you get a girl’s attention on the phone? By declining to compete the ordinary ways.

Hey guys and welcome back.

Earlier this year, I discussed how neo-direct game makes everything much harder. It can trigger premature rejections as women display high standards from being in a position of power, which you put them in by showing too much interest too early.

Because of the surge of neo-direct game, many men who experiment with cold approach pickup would face harsh rejections and find women acting testy and displaying insanely high standards (because men put them in a position where they do so).

To add to the frustration, the popularization of online dating apps such as Tinder have a bad male-to-female ratio (over 70% of men). Plus, women often use Tinder to promote their Instagram. It is discouraging to be ignored constantly and not receive likes and not have girls respond to your messages.

So men feel that women have high standards:

• Men don’t get results and are ignored on Tinder

• Men get rejected prematurely in real life from using the wrong approach

• Women are in a powerful position to do so due to the frame men set

But there is another dimension I would like to discuss here.

Let’s say, after plenty of harsh rejections in real life, that a guy finally gets a decent hook out of luck.

Now that is awesome! I am happy for him.

He takes her number. He texts her. No response. Or maybe she responds, but now she doesn’t seem nearly as interested. And maybe when the time comes, she flakes.

We have seen an epidemic of flakes lately. There’s a reason why texting products are in high demand. It’s extremely frustrating not to get a response from a girl you thought you had a good shot with, but when she flakes, it is devastating.

This is the subject I want to discuss today. I will not cover the basics for why women may flake, which could be summarized as:

• Her mood may change when you are not around. She was stimulated when you met her, but tomorrow is a different day, and she’s in a different mood.

• As time has passed, she may have forgotten how you made her feel. Her compliance lowers.

• Because of the limitations of texting (she can’t hear your voice, see your face, and vice versa) and you are not communicating in real-time, you cannot calibrate on the spot.

So she may flake.

But something has changed over the years. Back in the day, a solid interaction and some good texting would have a higher chance of leading to a meet-up than today. Of course, flakes always occur. That’s just the way things are. But things have gotten worse.

Why is that? And what can we do about it?

You won’t get together with a girl on the first date. Sometimes you’ll need several dates to get her. Plan the first and second date simultaneously and bolster your date success.

Ever since I grew comfortable going for first date hookups, that became my norm.

Yet there are times you fear you can't bed a new lover in only one date.

There are other times you may not have the time or inclination to yourself.

You can use date compression as one option to cram many dates into a short time.

Date compression constructs a 'whirlwind romance' that sweeps many women off their feet, into your arms.

There's another strategy you can use too, different from date compression or from going for it the first date.

This was the first date planning strategy I used, when I was too inexperienced to aim for intimacy in one date.

It's also one I've kept in my back pocket for scenarios where I expect to struggle to or lack the time to make it all happen in a date.

The approach is this:

Rather than plan out a first date in isolation, you plan for a first and second date simultaneously.

People become hooked to things that give them specific social rewards. A good seduction follows the same principle, weaving a delicious romantic spiderweb.

What's it take to create a masterful seduction... one that pulls a woman in and magnetizes her to you, all the way to intimacy?

Talented seducers do something different from what ordinary daters do.

Well, they do many things different, but we're talking about one in particular today:

They construct a path of rewarding social/romantic experiences for women to encounter as they proceed through the course of the seduction with them.

Each step of the seduction journey reinforces to the woman how good it feels to be a part of the seduction, how much she wants to be around this man, and why she must continue.

This 'spiderweb of rewards', built well, keeps a woman hooked into the seduction, a thing that feels so good she does not want to leave.

If you can get yourself to think of seduction as a 'reward generation machine', you will begin to think of it the way all master seducers do.

Rewarding good behavior during courtships and relationships is pivotal to your romantic success. But just how do you go about doing that?

On my article about teasing a girl to her friends, a reader named Warcode asks:

Hi chase could you do an article on ways to generally reward her? Whether verbally or physically etc and on the basis of how does this mechanism change from the beginning of knowledge to a type of relationship? The basic mechanism and then decline it to every situation. Then, for example, I do not understand well in a relationship if giving compliments of a various nature and how to do them maybe a you're beautiful is so anonymous and recurring? And if compliments should be made / convey interest how often and of what types ?. I had also read on the forum that in sex do not pay her physical compliments because she gives her too much

Sure, I'd be glad to oblige.

Today, let's talk about rewarding women: when to do it, how to do it, and the nature of rewarding women both during the initial courtship and in ongoing relationships.

When should you plan your next date with her for? It depends on a few “next date determiners”, including her eagerness, both your busyness, and more.

How soon should you see a girl again after the date you just had?

Should it be the next day, a few days later, a week, or more?

Timing for your next date will often be crucial. Rush it, and you can seem over-eager or too available.

Delay too long, though, and your date may decide you aren't interested and auto-reject... or someone else may snap her up while you're waiting. Or life may intervene (she gets busy, a loved one dies, her job moves her away to Alaska, etc.).

We'll look at a few crucial factors that help determine how long (or short) you should wait to plan that next date with her.