Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

How to Show Empathy with Women

how to show empathyAh, empathy. At its most basic level, “empathy” simply means “understanding where another person is coming from.” I worked in the counseling field for a couple years, so I have been pretty well-trained in how to have empathy for others, and even how to make them feel understood even when you can’t fully grasp what’s going on for them.

That’s the good news: you don’t actually have to understand what someone’s experiencing in order to empathize with her. Men will appreciate this, as women so often talk about issues that we simply cannot grasp, to which we simply want to offer easy suggestions.

Let’s begin with a basic distinction, “fixing vs. understanding.” If you have female friends — which I surely hope you do — you will be familiar with a common complaint women have about their men:

“I don’t want him to fix it, I want him to understand.”

The 5 Big Differences Between Naturals and “PUA”s

natural vs. puaWhen I first discovered dating advice for men on the Internet in the mid-2000s, I was ecstatic; here were exactly the tools I was looking for to take what I was trying to do and put it on rocket fuel.

With these tools, I knew, I could shave years off my learning curve and advance at a far faster rate than I could having to figure every single thing out by myself, on my own.

It didn't take long though before I realized that many of the guys posting on seduction forums and meeting up in pickup lairs were "quirky"; there were things about them that were off, and the kinds of women they were going for were... not the kinds of women I was all that interested in.

I maintained friendships with the cooler and more "normal" guys I met through PUA - and indeed, many of these guys are still good friends of mine today, and are some of the sharpest and most improvement-oriented people I know (many are also quite successful in their businesses and careers nowadays) - but aside from them, I largely retreated to friendships with "naturals" - guys who were naturally good with women, and hadn't studied pickup and had only the most cursory knowledge of what it taught.

What I noticed was that there were some very distinct differences between the guys who were naturally good with women and the guys who were not - and while some of this went away as guys improved, some of it didn't; these differences remained.

And those differences very often meant the difference between being cool and getting the more attractive, harder-to-get girls, and not being and getting those.

Dealing with Failure: An Important Learning Tool

dealing with failureIn "What’s the Difference Between a Lover and a Loser?", Troy asked a question I've been seeing a lot on here lately regarding dealing with failure:

Also chase id love to see an article on how to see failure as not bad, to love the plateau and not let setbacks stop us from pushing the times of doubt and uncertainty. Thanks and im looking for that when you can do it and it interests you as a topic for a post. The reason is because i see it in myself and almost every girls chase reader of not accepting that they will make mistakes and it makes me think. I think that if you could write on this that us readers us readers would accept failure especially beginners as essential, then every one of us would stop beating up our selves when we lose a girl and make mistakes, and then you may not need to ever be getting complaints again. then life changes. It is great to try our best but no one is perfect and we will mess up. thanks for helping and reading.

We touched on failure and defeat a good bit already in "How to Master Anything", and I just talked about it a bit more recently in my interview with ITHP; today, I want to go a little more in-depth.

So, how does one deal with failure - especially social failure, the kind you must endure when learning to improve with women? Failure that's public; failure that's biting; and failure that cuts right to the quick of one's ego and self-esteem?

And make no mistake about it, you will take a beating to your sense of self when you set out to improve your prospects socially and romantically. There's simply no other way to get better with people than by trying and failing with people - again and again and again.

It takes a certain kind of courage - and a certain attitude about dealing with failure.

Interview with Chase Amante on ITHP

Hey folks, just a quick announcement to let you know about my latest interview, live on the International Human Press (ITHP) at this address:

How to be Successful with Women - Interview with Expert Chase Amante

Much of it covers familiar ground if you're already a reader of the site, but there are a few new things in there I haven't gone over much before, including a bit on the learning curve of shy guys vs. outgoing guys, how your personal philosophy impacts your interactions with women, and dealing with failure (that last is a topic I plan to write more on tomorrow).

So, if you're interested, head on over - I think you'll enjoy the read.


How Black Guys Can Have Sex with White Girls

black guys white girlsThis post has a very long time coming. I can’t count how many readers and forum members have asked about a piece on black guys having sex with and dating white girls. Well, finally… the wait is over.

Have you ever seen an interracial couple with a strong black man and an absolutely gorgeous white girl and wondered how that situation came about?

If you’re a black man, have you ever wondered how you can be that guy? Have you wondered how you can get white girls just as easily as any other girls? And if you’re not black, have you ever been curious?

Well, luckily for you, I’ve been that guy in the past. And these days, I’m that guy all of the time. So let me break it down for you, and show you the way to getting yourself some wonderful light-skinned beauties.

Social Order, Sexual Restriction, and the Secret Society

social orderNote from Chase: this is a very thoughtful - and pretty deep - article by Alek exploring the cultural mechanics underlying social controls placed on individual sexual expression in modern Western societies. This isn't a "how-to" article; it's more a "here's how things work a few levels down" type piece. It's somewhat heavy stuff, but a rewarding read if you don't mind letting your brain work a bit. Here's Alek.

After having produced a number of practical articles recently, I wanted to write a more theory-heavy post on sexual ethics.

Before I begin, I would like to deliver a disclaimer. It should be noted that this piece is purely theoretical and an abstraction of how the mating game works. The world is a complex place, and it is impossible to describe every aspect of a social phenomenon.

Further, I would also point out that even though this essay might have anthropological elements, it remains a work in political/social theory.

This means that this text is not only descriptive in its nature (i.e., explaining “what is the case”) but also has a normative essence with the means of explaining “for what reasons things should be the way they are” or “what should be the case”.

How to Arouse a Girl with Sexy Nonverbals

how to arouse a girlOn a particularly long day, after an 8 hour drive home from Northern Wisconsin on vacation, I was feeling tired, and the day’s events had hit me.

When I got home I decided it would be best to take a walk around the neighborhood to clear my mind. I found myself walking without a direction or second thought as to what I was doing or where I was going, until… I passed by the local coffee shop, and sitting outside under a shading umbrella, at a table, was a cute girl sipping on a mocha frappe.

This girl caught my eye against my empty thoughts and, though I wasn’t very much up to talking, I wasn’t going to let the opportunity pass.

I sat at a table across from her, and looked up to the sunset, breathed in deeply and exhaled slowly as she looked my way and smiled. I brought my head down, looked across my shoulder at her, and smiled as I tilted my head back up to tints of oranges, purples, and pinks.

After a generic agreement on how beautiful the sky was, I sat next to her, didn’t say a word to her yet, but again saw her look at me, and this time I locked eyes with her, tilted my head to the side raised my eyebrow, then pulled back a tad.

She exclaimed, “What?!” and was thrown off by the gesture. After telling her that I thought she was cute, with a prolonged sexy stare, I ran my fingertips against the backside of her hand, and saw her pupils dilate and her breathing got a little heavier.

An hour later she was lying on top of me at the pavilion of a nearby deserted park.

That’s nonverbal attraction: the ability to communicate messages to and even arouse a girl without saying much - and it’s powerful!

Nonverbal attraction and communication lies at the center of most great seductions; it is the bread and butter of easy and natural pick ups; it is something we all know subconsciously; and it’s something you can use to skyrocket your success ratio… and today I’m going to show you how to use it.

Tandem Hunting: Picking Up Girls for Threesomes with Your Girlfriend

Good day, beautiful people of Girls Chase! In the first article in this series, "How to Have Threesomes with Your Girlfriend", I covered three keys that will really help you get threesomes with a girlfriend:

  • Your attitude towards women,
  • The kind of relationship you have with your girl, and
  • How to work with her feelings about the whole situation

tandem hunting

In this follow-up, I'm going a bit more into the "technical" side of things: the do's and don'ts, the details on picking up a girl with an existing girlfriend of yours (also known as "tandem hunting"), as well as answering some of the questions you've asked me about the subject in the comments section of the first piece.

How to Make Her Love You: Passionate Love, and Old Love

how to make her love youAs a follow-up to yesterday's article, "What It's Like with a Girl Who's Really In Love", I've put together today's piece on how to create those in-love feelings with the women in your life, where they come from, and how to sustain them.

We already have a great piece on this subject on this website - Ricardus's "How to Make a Girl Fall in Love with You", which I'd recommend you read first if you haven't already. It provides the perfect foundation for this article.

That in mind, I want to expand on the topic of making girls fall in love here, and talk about the two different kinds of love: what I call passionate love, and what I call old love.

The two are very different, and each are used for different things.

What It's Like with a Girl Who's Really In Love

love looks likeWe get comments and questions on here every so often where I see guys saying they think girls are still in love with them, then detailing behavior that makes it clear the girl is most assuredly not anywhere near being in love with them.

I see men chasing desperately after girls who want nothing to do with them, or have decided they're finished with them.

Men who want to know if girls still like them when those girls are busily dating other people and don't have the time of day for them.

So, today's article is not a "how to", nor is it even a "why it happens this way" (that much); rather, today's article is simply a what it looks like when you have a girl who's crazy about you... so that you can more properly judge where you stand, and how much work you've still got cut out for yourself in becoming the kind of man women go ape over.

If your girlfriends aren't treating you this way... either your relationship skills still need some work (there are plenty of ways to build your relationships this way - see "How to Make a Girl Fall in Love with You" and "Operant Conditioning in Your Romantic Relationships"), or you're not dating the right women for you.