Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

“Do You Have a Girlfriend?” Here’s How to Answer This


In "Girl Changes Her Mind Too Much? Try This," Maxz asks this:

Speaking of indecision, I had a question for you. I recently had two girls who I was trying to bed ask me if I had a Girlfriend? I told each girl "I was not exclusive to any one woman".

One of the Girls who had agreed to come over to my place flaked the next day saying she could not make it because she had suddenly got sick though I am certain she was not. Do you think her flaking was a response to my answer? As I think this girl was trying to put me in the BF category and my answer I thought put me out of that label.

He's right here that you don't want to simply up and answer "Do you have a girlfriend?" in the normal yes/no way that most men do. A straight "yes" or "no" robs you of any intrigue, puts the control of the interaction clearly into the asker's hands, and just generally makes things a lot less interesting.

do you have a girlfriend

Plus, whether you say "yes" or "no," it's easy for either one to say something bad about you:

  • If "yes," that you're 'off the market' and not available (or some sleazy guy who sneaks around behind his girlfriend's back if you try anything)

  • If "no," that you're not preselected by other women and there must be something wrong with you (why don't other women want you?)

You're damned if you do, damned if you don't. But if you tell her "I'm not exclusive," well, that has problems too - now you're seen as some freewheeling wild man who's either immature or "not what she's looking for" much of the time.

How on Earth do you answer this?

Girl Changes Her Mind Too Much? Try This


No doubt you've had the experience of having things all locked with a girl - she's agreed to a date, say, or she's decided that, yes, she's coming to this restaurant or bar with you, or, yes, she's coming home with you.

And then, the girl changes her mind.

girl changes her mind

It can be enough to drive you crazy. All that work just to get her to say "yes"... and then she goes and says, "Wait, on second though - no!"

Or, you're out with a girl and she says, "Let's get some ice cream. Can we get ice cream?" So you say sure, and start heading to the ice cream shop. Then, out of the blue, she says, "Wait, no; let's get some Mexican food. Come on, I want Mexican." So then she turns the two of you around and now you're walking back the way you came, in the direction of the Mexican food she's now so certain she wants.

And God help you if you should find yourself out with a gaggle of girls, where you're the only man and you're not in charge... the endless back and forth between one girl saying, "I want this!" and then minutes later saying, "Wait, I want this!" and the next girl saying the same thing and other girls yelling, "What should we DO?" and still more girls yelling, "Come on! Let's just go!" can be enough to drive a man mad.

Where does all this indecision stem from - and what can you do about it as a man?

How to Text Girls: 20 More Tips and Techniques


how to text girlsIn the article on second dates, Todd comments on a girl he's met and some of the texting they've done between their first date and second, and finishes up with the questions below:

What's the next step? I don't want her to lose interest, but I'm gone for this entire week. We said we'd get together next week once I'm back. Do I just want an entire week before I give her another call/text? I don't want to fall out of her mind.

If you've been around on this site a bit, you know the philosophy on how to text girls here is this:

  • Write your texts simple and to-the-point
  • Don't get mired in long text conversations
  • Keep your eye on the ball (i.e., setting up dates)

You probably even know some of the rationale behind that... if you've ever found yourself in a long, frustrating back-and-forth trying to figure out how on Earth you're going to get this girl you've traded 10,000 text messages with out on a date, you've had an inkling of this already.

But, the temptation may still be strong to enter into some witty text banter, and do a fair amount of "maintenance" texting... after all, no harm can come from being in contact, right?

This post is put together to break you of any remaining predilections you might have for engaging in long / witty / thoughtful text conversations with women, and show you clearly, precisely, and unequivocally why you must focus not on building rapport over text... but on sorting out dating/meeting logistics, and that's it.

Let's dive in.

Carnival of Dating Advice, 13th Edition


carnival of dating advice

Happy holidays, and welcome to the 13th Edition of the Carnival of Dating Advice, bringing you posts and articles on dating, pickup, seduction, relationships, confidence, and more from around the web.

We've got a short-but-sweet collection of articles for you this week - one on sex, and three on relationships, including expectations, keeping a marriage healthy, and getting (repeatedly) broken up with. Just enough here to tide you over for the holidays.

And without further ado, on with the carnival...

3 Second Date Strategies to Make Her Flirt and Swoon


With a question on strategies to use on a second date, the Tool (one of our valued readers and forum participants) over on the post requesting ideas for new forum join bonus says:

Hey Chase, Personally I know myself and alot of other people would appreciate an ebook, or post on how/when to ask for a second date, taking into account certain things that happen on the first. What I mean is, I have no problems getting second dates with girls who I only kiss once on the first date, its the ones who I either have sex with after taking them home or nearly go all the way with that become cold and unresponsive. I myself usually follow the 3 days rule for getting a second date after the first. My process with women i escalate things quickly with is a follow up text the next day asking about how their day was ect or asking how a test went and then i leave it at that, then i wait another two days and go for a second date. the problem is lately these women have been unresponsive to me or do not agree to go on a second and stop contacting me. I believe its because they think I used them for a one night stand when in fact I do truly want more. So what I was wondering is exactly what are the steps you are supposed to take after escalating so fast with a women to secure that second date or future meets?

So, there's the question of:

  1. How do you get a second date with a girl you aren't intimate with yet?

second date

... and Tool says he's fine on that count, but I want to cover that one today regardless.

Regarding Tool's comment, he's really asking two questions here:

  1. How do you get a second date with a girl you've slept with on the first?

  2. How do you get a second date with a girl you almost slept with on the first... then didn't?

All three of these - the girl you haven't been intimate with; the girl you have been intimate with; and the girl you've almost been intimate with but it didn't happen - offer very different and unique cases for setting up a second date.

In today's article, I want to cover two things, then:

  • How to get a second date, depending on what happened on the first, and
  • How to run that second date.

So let's get to it.

Stress Coping Techniques: Stigma, Stress, and Solutions


stress copingToday’s article, on stress coping techniques, I wrote as an expanded and built-out version of the advice I had for a reader in the comments section of Chase’s article “Are You Smart? It Doesn’t Much Matter Either Way.” The reader in question was having problems coping with his emotions and the situation around a woman in his life:

Chase what can I do to stop caring about people. And I don't mean it in a cold way but I care for this one girl a lot and it's messing up my head and making me very emotional. It's not like the article when you wrote "can't stop thinking about her", this girl has done a lot for me and she makes me happy but My feelings are strong for her and I hate having feelings. I feel weak and out of control, I'm not asking on how to get her I just want to get rid of my feelings and take control of my emotions. Also chase idk if you working on it or not but I asked for an article on self esteem/inferiority complex? I just want to know if you Remembered about it. Thank you

I had the idea for this article for a while, but I left it alone for three main reasons:

  1. Stress and emotions are often difficult to teach how to manage

  2. It’s hard to go into lengthy detail and provide enough pragmatic steps to mold your coping mechanisms in a way that’s truly helpful

  3. It’s not easy to simply cast away your emotions

I think this way from experience, because while I myself personally find it easy cope and move on, it can be incredibly hard to help someone else become that way. Really the only way I’ve found to fundamentally change people is by becoming a role model for them, and to help them over long periods of time.

However, I do have some good solid advice that I’d like to share with you today, and some steps you can follow when things go awry.

Girls Chase Forums Now Open to the Public!


Howdy gents,

I'm pleased to announce the boards, in development since early autumn and closed-but-active since mid-November, are now open to the public.

Opened up to an initial small group of 35 members one month ago, and expanded to a larger pool two weeks ago, we're now fully ready to roll out the new Girls Chase forum for you to read, learn from, post to, and connect with other guys on, with members everywhere from beginner to intermediate to advanced levels and beyond at getting girls, running relationships... the works.

Girls Chase Forum(the new Girls Chase Boards)

In only a month of existence, the boards have racked up almost 1900 posts across 350+ topics, but even more importantly, we're off to a great start in terms of culture and tone: it's a warm, open place focused on results, first and foremost; no cynicism, whining, complaining, or reaction-seeking, and it's almost 100% negativity-free.

Only a small part of that's due to me; truth is, we've got some great guys on there, from Franco, our moderator, to some of the more advanced guys helping out and providing their own insights (one of those guys, Eric, you've already seen some posts from out here on the blog), to the newer guys who are getting out there, working hard, sharing their results (progress and setbacks alike), and seeing successes: new phone numbers, more dates, kisses, lovers... even new girlfriends.

If you weren't part of the initial group to join, I recommend you check it out right now - we've removed the access restrictions, and anybody who's motivated and wants to help out, contribute, share his findings, chronicle his journey, and connect with other likeminded students of the social and seductive arts can do by clicking the "Discussion" link above, or by going right here:

http://www.girlschase.com/boards/

See you on the boards.

Chase

How to Get First-Date Sex with Girls on Every Date


first date sexIn the comments section of "Dating Without Sex: Why It Usually Doesn’t Work," Maxz had a comment about how to get first date sex:

Totally right on Chase.

All the girls I have lost are girls I moved slow with, and did not give them what they wanted meaning sex. After I discovered this site, I learnt my lesson in the move fast department. Every girl I meet these days I'm trying to move fast with. From getting them out on a date and so on.

But a question I had for you Chase is I'm still having trouble in the sexual escalation part. How do you get intimate with a girl on date number one and not prolonging dates to two or three before you bed a girl?

In case you're new here and unfamiliar with the mantra of this site, it's "move fast, skip steps where you can, and take women to bed as soon as possible if you want to stand the greatest chance of keeping them around." The rationale, of course, is that it's easier to keep dating a girl you're already lovers with... than one you aren't.

But what about getting to intimacy on the first date? Can you really get first date sex with girls with any degree of consistency?

Or is it just a myth?

Dating Without Sex: Why It Usually Doesn’t Work


On Ricardus's post "How to Make Her Want You: Lessons from Marketing," a commenter named Garrett reports being conflicted over a few aspects of what's taught here. In particular, he asks why physical intimacy is needed with romantic partners, and if dating without sex isn't also just as possible.

dating without sex

Here's the part of his comment dealing with this topic:

Out of curiosity, I've spent a lot of time researching this topic, and there are a few things I fail to understand. Firstly, to get a girlfriend, why must you sleep with them? If you can prove me wrong then I'd be interested to know, but I feel indifferent about this. I feel that everything in life requires balance and in order to get a girl to like you, you should be yourself, be mindful of ways to improve yourself, and strike a balance between acting like a jerk and on the contrary, a 'wet noodle' who is no challenge whatsoever.

Garrett also goes on to say that he feels like other aspects of what's discussed on Girls Chase feel to him like "manipulation," though this is a topic already addressed in depth in " Is Seduction Wrong?," the basic premise of which is that people who lack the drive to improve themselves fear others who do who become conscious of their own actions and strive to perfect them, typically working to censor them and stop them to prevent competition and declining options for themselves (e.g., you will rarely have a successful career woman who's had to tooth and claw her way to success and improve herself dramatically stand and accuse you of being manipulative for learning seduction, though you will often have a girl who dropped out of high school and works at the local taco shop fly into a frenzy over how "manipulative" men like you are, presuming of course that she doesn't actually know you and is instead setting you up in her mind as some diabolical "other").

I won't cover whether seduction is manipulation and whether I ought to censor myself here or not again, although I will note that it does partly come down to where you draw the line - there are certain "dark arts" of seduction, like October Man and like Sexual Power Reversal, that I simply don't teach because it's too easy to do harm to women by wielding these clumsily. So, I do have an "ethical limit;" if I really honestly think it's something that can lead to the average man doing more harm than good, I don't teach it.

What I will talk about here today is if it's really necessary for you to have sex with a woman you want to pursue a romantic relationship with. Can you skip this step and get by with just waiting for marriage?

It's a question I've been asked a number of times on the site, and haven't addressed yet... at least on here.

But, as it turns out, this is actually one of the very first questions I had to discuss - and debate - on a public scale that has to do with sex.

So come with me, and let's have a look at what happens when you do not have sex.

How to Make Friends? The Master Key to New Friendships


make friendsOne of our younger readers, by the name of Jaden, asked over in the comments section of my article "Are You Smart? It Doesn't Much Matter Either Way" about high school popularity, asking:

What would the process for becoming popular look like? I would say im on the edge of popularity, as the "cool" kids all talk to me and invite me to their lunch tables and stuff (hardcore, right?), yet they do not invite me to their houses and parties, which are actually quite fun. How can I develop an air of superiority, and is there anything in specific I can do to raise my status?

If I had to redefine that question to really get to its gist, I'd say it's more, "How do I make friends with the other students I want to be friends with?" than it is, "How do I make everyone like me more?" What Jaden wants here is to see these classmates of his outside of school - he wants to make friends.

But he isn't the only one who wants to know how to do this better. There are plenty of people who struggle with making friends in high school and college - and even more once they're out of those places.

If you thought it was hard making friends in an environment where everyone is your own age and you all do the same things, just wait until you're out of that environment, and you're working in the professional world where people range from 22 to 62. High school and college end up looking like friendship bonanzas compared to the working world that follows them.

Making friends isn't actually that hard a process though - take it from me, a guy who spent his the entirety of his teenage years friendless, then reinvented himself and emerged as someone who made friends with jet-setters, entrepreneurs, seducers, celebrities, and millionaires. How'd I go from zero friends to friends with some of the most in-demand people you'll meet, whom everyone wants to be friends with?

The secret, I found, lies in just one master key - from which all the other paths to friendship flow out.