Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

The Meaning of Grit

The Meaning of GritI have bad news today…

The path to success really sucks.   

Building a successful, thriving business is bloody tough… BUT there is one thing that sucks even more: being a slave in a cubicle or a factory for forty years and never having enough money to live the life of your dreams.

Eating healthy and hitting the gym every day is bloody tough too… BUT there is one thing that sucks even more: being out of shape, low on energy, unattractively chubby and unhealthy.

And becoming a master in your dating life is equally tough… there is nothing worse than going out there day after day, getting rejected by woman after woman and failing over and over.

Except for one thing: not having options in women, and either staying alone or settling for something less than your dream girl.

Chase recently dropped an absolute value nuke on this blog… a spectacular post about how to master anything. In that post, he discussed that in our group of friends, every single last one is “crazy.” We all deviate from the “norm” in some way… which is what drives us to create lives that go way beyond a picket fence and 1.7 kids.

But there is a second trait that every one of us has, some more than others (I think Chase has us all beat there)… and that trait is GRIT.

Are You Trying Too Hard? Stop Trying. Start Succeeding

Trying Too HardA reader writes in to ask about trying too hard:

I haven't seen any posts yet by you about a particular subject--neediness and trying too hard.

In fact, I just read one of your posts "What regular men don't know" where you are a proponent of making yourself into an attractive man and getting better with women an obsession.

Personally I have had a few different people tell me lately that I'm "trying too hard." I don't know what this means. Without trying, I will get nowhere. At first I thought they were right, but now I'm thinking they were just jealous I was trying to change when they weren't.

Could you write a post on this inner game issue? What does it mean to "try too hard" and when does getting better with women become a bad thing? How do you make sure to keep consistently trying to get better without having people tell you you're trying too hard?

Or should I say screw 'em and keep on doin my own thing?

I was speaking with a former student of mine about this a few weeks back. We'd talked about him tweaking a vibe he gives off, where it feels as though he's trying a bit too hard. He wasn't totally aware of it, but he'd heard it from multiple people and he asked me if I could put my finger on it and help him figure out why he was getting that kind of reaction from people and how to get around it.

Honestly, trying too hard is one of the most difficult things to explain to someone, and one of the most difficult things to stop.

But I myself was guilty of it for a long time once, and since there's some interest in the topic, let me take a crack at explaining what this is, and what you can do about it.

Sexual Framing: More on Using This to Get Girls

sexual framingOne of the themes that keeps coming up on this site is framing… and more specifically, sexual framing.

We've covered this topic before in posts like “Chase Framing” and my original post on the sexual frame, and I’m returning to it here to answer some of the questions guys had for me over on sexual frame post #1 and flesh out the how-to of sexual framing a bit more.

In terms of your fundamentals, it is really THE most important skill, because it determines the meaning of everything you say, and hence the impact of your words and therefore also the outcome of all your interactions!

Once you’re at ninja level with your verbal frame control skills, you can put any kind of “stamp” on any interaction with women… or with anyone else, really.

You can turn any conversation sexual, which also means that you can turn almost any relationship sexual.

By the same token, you can also turn any conversation into a monogamous relationship, if you so choose.

BUT here’s the problem:

If you DON’T understand framing… if you DON’T have this skill down PAT, you will STILL be setting frames, but without being aware of it... because every word out of your mouth comes with a frame.

Going Stag: Your Guide to Going Out By Yourself

Hey guys –

It’s been almost a year since I started working with my good friend Chase (wow, time flies) – and it has been an incredibly busy year. And while I’ve dropped about 150,000 words of 10 years’ experience in picking up women on the blog, I haven’t always had time to get back to everyone who wrote in with questions or comments.

It’s time to remedy that… I really appreciate all your feedback, it lets me know how we can bring more value to you and it’s also great to know that our work is really helping people out – so thanks for all the comments, even and especially the ones who just stopped by to let us know how much this blog has helped them out. That’s fantastic and part of what makes this work so incredibly gratifying.

Now, I just went back over all the comments you have left on my posts, and I am going to get all the questions answered that I think every reader will be able to benefit from. That means I won’t be answering questions about “this one special girl,” unless my advice in the situation is broadly applicable and will be useful to other readers as well. But there have been a lot of very smart questions that I thought were very interesting and worth having a closer look at for everyone.

We’re starting off the series with a follow-up to the post on going out alone, with more on going stag and going out by yourself. This is one of the best ways to meet new women, but it’s also a scary and unusual one for most newer guys - it’s a worthy place to kick off this new series, in other words.

going out by yourself

Furthermore, I will be answering comments on this series – either directly, or if the questions are very involved, in future blog posts – so now is the time to let me know what you’re struggling with. Of course I won’t be able to go into the same depth as we do in our phone coaching program, but if we can get some of the more pressing problems solved for ya and take your dating life to the next level right here and right now, then I’ll say we’ll have achieved our goal! So feel free to hit reply and post your question.


Carnival of Dating Advice, 8th Edition

carnival of dating advice

I'm excited to be bringing you this week's carnival, the 8th edition of the Carnival of Dating Advice! More great content across the web on display here, including a lot of insight this time into the female mind and female subcommunication.

In today's articles, we run the gamut from what to do and not to in couples' fights, how you can tell from women's reactions whether you're perceived as "high value" in a given environment (or whether you aren't yet there), and how to know if you're ready for marriage - and how some women feel as they grow older and begin to realize they might not ever meet a man who both meets their requirements and whose requirements they also meet.

There's a lot of stuff here that's a somewhat different perspective than what you're reading on the site most of the time here, but I'd urge you to withhold judgment and try to see things here as empathetically as possible. Really try to get into women's shoes as you read these things, and understand why the things that are a struggle here are. It will make you both better with women, and a better person all around.

On with the carnival...

How to Master Anything

While the focus on here is normally pointed squarely at getting girls, I wanted to broaden that today to a topic that's of significant importance not only to pickup and seduction, but to anything and everything you will ever lay your hands on, set your mind to, and go about doing.

That topic, in case you only glanced over the title, is how to master... anything.

how to master

In case you're not so familiar with my "credentials" (background), I've effectively mastered:

  • Sales
  • Music Production
  • Song Writing
  • Picking Up Women
  • Maintaining Relationships (completely different from pickup)
  • Posture / Movement / Personal Charisma
  • Motivational and Inspirational Speaking
  • Teaching (everything from software to seduction to high school students)
  • Copywriting
  • Writing in General

I'm also pretty good at making crazy shots from anywhere on the basketball court, and I'm about halfway through my growth curve as an entrepreneur, Internet marketer, and business growth expert.

On several occasions, I've had people ask me how it is you stay motivated to learning something long enough to reach a pinnacle in it. Usually I brush this off, because I don't like to be seen patting my own back too much. Even in my rap days, where bravado and showing off plays a big part of the art (rap has its origins in the West African folk tradition of "men of words" talking up their successes and desirability), I never liked venturing too far into singing my own praises.

It's far better for others to sing your praises for you than for you to do it yourself. People respect this more... and you look like less of an ass.

But for the sake of this post, let's shelve the false modesty, and talk about how to master things, how to set aside the laziness that nags at us all, and how to keep yourself focused on getting something down that few people ever will.

Why She Doesn't Need an "Instant Date"

I’ve had a few guys ask me recently about the instant date, one of which is a comment I address further on down in this post.

And the point I’ve been making here repeatedly is… instant dates are good where applicable.

instant date

But you don’t need them to pick up girls.

Let me start at the beginning though.

Remember the post on getting your sexy vibe, where on the day I had a date with the virgin, but she had to leave early because her brother needed a ride?

Well, the good thing about dating multiple women is that you’re never empty-handed… no matter what happens.

And after the first girl had left, I found myself alone in my apartment, and not yet ready for my evening to be over… chatting to some of my girls on Facebook, to see who would be up for some spontaneous naughtiness.

Student of the Game: Becoming a Social Success

social successWhen you set out upon the journey to truly master your skills with women, much of the time a big part of what you’re really setting out on that journey to be is a bonafide social success.

Yet, as you’ll most likely quickly find the instant you start working toward that goal, that’s usually a lot easier said that done.

Now, it is said that people are naturally social; so how is it that so many social interactions end with a feeling of awkwardness or something left to be desired?

This frustrated me for years, and it can be frustrating for any aspiring seducer or seducer-in-training. Despite what you might be told, the ability to charm or really connect with anyone doesn’t come naturally to most people. But luckily, it can be learned.

And today team, we’re looking at how to become at social dynamo.

How to Be Playful: 4 Tips You'll NEED

how to be playfulA reader writes in:

Hey man been a LONG time since I've emailed you! But I've been keeping up with the site and I love both you and Ricardus advice just awesome all around. The one thing that has INFINITELY thrown me off about the site is the sort of serious tone.

You guys understand pickup so well its scary sometimes lol! But one thing I realized yesterday was how important a bit of playfulness and humor is in pickup.


Maybe a post on how to inject playfulness into an interaction, because that is one thing I think that has really helped supercharge my interactions in the past. The ones that I had a playful attitude about were the ones where my success was higher. Whereas when I had this "I'm coming to pick you up" vibe it kind of scared some girls off because they weren't used to that level of directness but I believe if I had that playful side I could have saved the interaction.

He raises a good point.

I've actually stayed away from talking about how to be playful on here for a long time because being playful is one of those things most guys who are new to learning about getting girls place way too much focus on and overdo.

If you've been through this site, you know there's a strong emphasis here on actively avoiding trying to get yourself making girls laugh all the time and on showing why fun is overrated for making headway with the women you like.

And all this might lead you to believe you ought to be Mister Serious in all of your interactions with women.

But if THAT's the impression you've got, then we've got a little reconditioning to do.

Dating Tales: A Girl from the Past, a Friend Who Let Go

Today I wanted to share a few more of my dating tales - this post is more a grab bag of experiences and tips and stories, but I wanted to talk about a girl I met from a long time before, a simple hand-test I love doing with women that tells both them and you a lot about each other, and a friend of mine who let obsession take him too far.

I was standing at the subway station, waiting for Sandra* to arrive… she was to be my date for the evening.

*Names and places changed to “protect the guilty.”

Suddenly, a beautiful girl left the train and headed towards me, smiling… and it’s not the Sandra I was expecting.

dating tales

I must have gotten my Sandras confused…

But who in the world was this girl?!