Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

Does She Want You as a Boyfriend... or Something Else?

In the piece on how to treat a woman, a reader shared a tale of having a wonderful date with a girl, ending it by holding hands with her as they walked together, her talking excitedly... only for things to fall apart and her get suddenly uncomfortable when they arrived at his place. He then commented this:

I am in my 40s, well-paid mid-level manager in a prestigious organization. Most of the women I meet are around 25. Even if I don't tell them what I am doing for a living, they just can tell where I stand. The problem I face quite often is "this guy is not in my league, therefore he must be just playing". Can't tease too much, must be careful to show not too high value, and sometimes the move fast approach back fires, as described above.

does she want a boyfriend

Thus enters the status dynamic: the man who is sufficiently high status compared to the girl that she does not want to just sleep with him quickly and one-and-done him, but who is not so high status that he can ask for whatever he wants with her and get it.

He is, in other words, ideal husband material - or, to put it differently, a whole lot more valuable to her as a long-term prospect than a simple fling.

Something I've called, for a long time, the boyfriend dilemma.

The Yes-Ladder and Getting Women to Say “Yes”

yes ladderDo you ever find yourself in a situation where you'd really like a girl to just go along with what you've got planned, but need a way to get her to do that that she'll agree with?

Wouldn't it be nice if you had a specific technique you could use to just get her to say "yes"?

If you HAD a technique like this, wouldn't you start to use it all KINDS of places in your life to get things to more easily go your way?

Would you like me to give you this technique?

Today we're going to talk about something called the "yes-ladder" - a technique you can use for getting agreement to all kinds of things, provided you know what you're doing and know how to make a semi-compelling argument.

Do I have your interest - and would you like for me to go on?

Break Your Porn Addiction and Sleep with Real Girls Instead

porn addictionI've had a few folks write in recently asking about pornography addiction and excessive masturbation. It's not really a subject I've been especially excited about broaching... I mean, who really wants to talk about watching other people do the deed on video while giving himself a hand?

But a few friends who've dealt with this have shared their experiences with me and suggested that I write about it, because they felt it was something that very much negatively affected them when they were in it and they thought this site was one with a wide enough audience that I'd be doing some good talking about it, and could reach a fair number of men.

I even had forwarded along to me by Genaro in customer service an email from a reader who used the contact form to send in what amounted to a full-length sales letter custom written just to urge me to write about this, because it was something he'd gone through and he felt I could really help some people by addressing it on a larger platform.

So, since it seems to be what the people want... let's talk about porn addiction: what causes it, how it sucks you in, why it's bad, and how to break its hold on you.

How to Escalate with Girls in Social Circle

social circle escalateAnd off she went. That girl from my social circle kissing behind the bushes with that other dude. It's not like I was in love with her or anything, but damn I'd wanted to kiss her.

When I was in high school this kind of scenario would play out with girls at parties and social gatherings all the time. I had next to no understanding of what to do to actually attract these girls... and even had I known they were attracted, I had no idea how to move the interaction forward. I eventually resigned myself to the belief that I'd only get what came my way by chance.

You can probably relate to that in some way, shape, or form. In my first article on the 'Pros' and 'Cons' of social circle I gave you a broad overview of what to expect out of social circle. In this article we're going to get down to the nitty-gritty of what my adolescent self didn't know during my high school years: how to escalate on girls from your social circle.

Where to Find an Amazing Woman: 20 Surprising Places

where to find a womanSomething I'm being asked lately is where to find a woman who checks off every box on your list. Where do you meet those truly amazing women who are everything you want and more?

You know - a girl who isn't just good... she's great:

Her hair flows perfectly down her neck in gorgeous locks.

Her eyes sparkle with intelligence and energy.

Her perfume captures your attention and waters your mouth.

Her smile makes your heart beat faster and a flush come rushing to your cheeks.

Her personality oozes warmth, curiosity, and zest for life.

Her mind is sharp, and she knows what she wants (and what you want, too).

You actually feel nervous around her. You! Who never gets nervous around anyone!

Where do you find a woman like this? It's not like she's just out walking around waiting to be plucked off the street... is she?

Why It’s Bad to Want to Be Liked Too Much

want to be likedThe other day a reader commented the following on the article about respect in a relationship:

What I’ve realized is my problem has never been being a closer. Once in a position to close I close. I escalate. Period. It’s fun, it’s sexy, it’s adrenaline inducing! But until a woman starts showing signs of submitting to me or hinting that she likes me, I feel afraid. I feel like I might lose her if I do something stupid to make her upset. I feel like I can't communicate any of this fear to the woman because she will lose attraction for me. And so, it's a catch 22 because I know if I don't make a confident move, she won't do it first, and her attraction will eventually fade, yet if I make a move and she doesn't go for it (rejects me) I immediately will feel as if I like her more than she likes me. And I HATE with a PASSION for a woman to find out that I liked her more than she likes me. My logical mind says I shouldn't care and that I should just laugh it off and say "whatever", but my emotional mind doesn't agree yet.


Have you ever closed girls that showed no visual signs at all of liking to be in your presence? What was your mindset in dealing with them? How'd you handle these girls? Was there any difference (whether subtle or more substantial) than girls who showed more signs of wanting to be seduced? How'd you change their minds if they were on the fence by persisting? And did you notice after the fact that initially aloof girls were glad you persisted and showed your emotions first?

When you want to be liked... that's a curious thing.

In some ways, wanting to be liked is good and necessary to life as a human being:

  • It stops you from being a social retard
  • It prevents you from creating lots of enemies
  • It makes you a more appealing person people will do more to help

But, unchecked, a need to be liked can often be a very destructive thing.

Unchecked, it leads to hesitation, over-deliberation, and, very often, inaction.

It's not even about making your self-esteem dependent on other people or suffering from far too much anxiety. Those are what most advice dispensers hoist up as the reasons to not care too much about being liked... but they're mere child's play compared to the real reasons this mess you up.

Because if you spent too much time trying to be well-liked, you will miss out on the all best things life has to offer you.

Meeting Women via Social Circle: The Pros and Cons

Note from Chase: This is the first article on Girls Chase by Peter Fontes, a friend of mine and someone I've known for a few years who specializes in meeting women via social circle and in bars and nightclubs. In this article, Peter runs you through the pros and cons of using social circle for meeting women, and introduces you to a bit of his own method for using this - which is a bit less conventional, and a lot more productive, than how most men use social circle to meet girls. Hope you enjoy - here's Peter.

Ahhh, social circles and their potentially entrenching romances. Meeting women through social circle and all its accompanying tricks and snags can be a minefield punishing to navigate without a map.

meet women social circle

While it's a common opinion among men who study the social and seductive arts that there's only a limited number of women available in social circle, and that getting flirty with them almost always engenders drama, good management of your social circle interactions may garner you some of the easiest seductions you'll ever get while mitigating many of the downsides.

In addition to heaps of pretty girls, done right, there are also a lot of other benefits that'll swing your way if you become a social circle master. In this series of articles - my first on Girls Chase - I'm going to introduce you to the best way to handle dealing with girls in your social circle.

This first article focuses on the pros and cons of social circle approaching so that you can understand more fully some of the benefits and trappings before you embark on your quest to cultivate social circles and refine your social circle game.

So, let's check the lay of the land.

Respect in a Relationship: Where It Comes from, Where it Goes

respect in a relationshipIn "Dating Narcissistic and Egotistical Women," dehjomz asks the following about the decline of respect in a relationship:

The problem I've faced is that I've ended up liking certain girls a great deal, but they have turned out to be selfish, cold, domineering, and narcissistic. But they were not that way in the beginning! They were quite charming and submissive and appealing to my emotions...which is why I selected them in the first place.

But unfortunately I've consistently suffered from the 1-year drop. Their charm fades, they become comfortable, and and then the real selfish, arrogant, dramatic, neurotic sides come out. I'm pretty much the same guy all the time...until faced with disrespect. In the beginning they were much more influenced by my words and my power and complied with what I wanted. But after the 1-year drop, they become more dominant, more readily resistant to my power, and instead do whatever they wanted, whenever, without any regard to my emotions. Hence arguments. I've tried everything, and no amount of logic or trying to frame things as "we're a team" works or changes the situation. They just don't care and instead they try to justify their rude behavior instead of showing empathy toward me and understanding why their rude behavior makes me mad and why I cannot tolerate it. They want to get their way, and they could give a fuck less about what they say or do to try and get under my skin. Being calm and ignoring doesn't help because I'm left wondering how this woman could have the audacity to act this way, to me of all people?

My response was, while this can happen with narcissistic women, yes, it can also happen with any woman - even women untouched by narcissism.

This is not solely a problem with the woman. It's quite often a problem with the relationship.

That is to say, what often happens with men is a general, gradual decline of respect in that relationship, where women come to view a partner they originally saw as powerful, dominant, sexual, and strong, as possessing less and less of these qualities... and more and more of their (distinctly unappealing) opposites.

The relationship falls apart and fails because the woman has stopped respecting the man - even if he hasn't changed a bit.

“I am the Prize”: How to REALLY Get This Mindset with Women

i am the prizeIn the article on sticking points, a commenter asks:

Hey Chase, how would you go about framing the "I am the Prize" frame? Or would you think of this as more of a devoped mindset?

"I am the prize."

Brings back memories.

The first thing I ever read about pickup or seduction back in November 2005 introduced me to the phrase. I was searching on the Internet for anything I could find to help me iron out some of the kinks I was finding with these girls I was meeting in bars and nightclubs.

Most of the advice I came across was pure nonsense. But then I found this one guy.

I read one of his articles. It was on a silly-sounding website called "Dr. Dating" or something of the sort.

But this article made sense. More than that... it gave me ideas I hadn't even thought of yet, but that intuitively fit into my model of how attraction worked.

I read another article by the same guy.

Then another.

Wow... someone who ACTUALLY knew what he was TALKING ABOUT with girls!

At the bottom of each of his articles was a link to purchase his eBook for $49.95. And after reading the third article, I was convinced - at last, I had found someone who knew things about women I did not (not yet, anyway). So, I bought the book.

And right there, in the introduction to this book that I felt confident was going to supercharge my learning process, was the message the author most wanted to convey: the mindset a man needed to succeed with women was this: I am the prize.

The Pig and the Mirror

Quick post today. More of a reminder than anything.

Much (most?) of the time, most people trend toward black and white thinking on things. This extends to all manner of thinking:

  • "This is good, this is bad."
  • "This is my fault, that is his fault."
  • "I am right about this and other people are wrong."
  • "Other people are right about this and I am wrong."

The last two are what I want to talk about briefly today.

And I want to talk about them by way of sharing with you a Chinese parable I heard a bit back.