Insights from the Mind of a Seducer

How to Stop a Cockblock (Without Breaking a Sweat)

Over on the discussion boards, Landlord (a knowledgeable guy who's been having plenty of success and taking a bunch of girls to bed recently) asked about strategies on how to stop a cockblock:


This girl was really into me, we had a great conversation, I went in for a kiss, she protested, I insisted, she gave me a strong, aggressive kiss/....she even 'apologized' for being so aggressive. Within 20 seconds, obstacle grabs her hand and drags her away.

HB9 immediately changes tone...says "you had your chance" and gives me her back walking away. I wait, go to the bathroom, then pursue. Ask for the number, she says "I would rather take yours, I want to be in control." I make a joke about that, put my number in her phone, then ring myself. She gives me shit about that. Will try to follow up, but not expecting any response.

A great interaction with a girl which included a kiss close and a number close was spoiled because I didn't handle the friend right....

The good news is, Landlord heard from the girl in his example here later on, and they made plans to meet up. So not all was lost (the full thread on the boards is here).

If you're out and about and actively meeting new women in social venues, though (picking up girls in bars, nightclubs, parties, lounges, networking events, happy hours, get-togethers), you're sure to run into the problem of cockblocks sooner or later, and you'll often end up going half-mad when you do. How can someone else just come up and interrupt you and this girl when you're talking to one another and simply drag her away?

In this article, we'll be aiming to help you remedy these situations, by examining the two approaches to neutralizing the cockblock: prevention of the thing, and cure.

Lower Your Standards (and Date Hotter Girls)

In "How Much Do Looks Matter for Romantic Success?," Balla asks whether to lower your standards in pursuit of getting the best results with women achievable:

Hey Chase, I can agree with everything you wrote to a T. What I want to ask about is this.

You say naturals are better to learn from right? What I want to know is what your teaching us is natural stuff or pick up stuff? I ask because I know you learned on your own but I know that you also did learn how to pick up from naturals and puas.

I actually want to be natural, how do I become natural? I want to be the best I can be and know I can be better than a pua. Please don't tell me it's too late to become a natural seducer. Should I just sleep with all types of girls no matter how they look?
Thanks Chase!

lower your standards

My answer was "it depends," and while I went into a bit more detail in my response in the comment section, this question's rather a nuanced one... and it depends very much on what you want, how you want to or can afford to go about getting it, and, ultimately, how far you're willing to go in order to get there.

In this article, we'll take a closer look at what things the answer "depends" upon - and what the different options are for you.

But ultimately, I want to discuss how lowering your standards can actually lead you to higher quality, more beautiful women over the long haul.

A Devil May Care Attitude: What It Is & How to Get It

devil may careIn the article that poses (and answers) the question "how much do looks matter?," a commenter asked the following about having a devil may care attitude:

I don't know if you've heard the quote:

“The attitude dictates that you don’t care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin’. Now when you got that, then you have the attitude.”

But I'm aiming for a Devil May Care attitude. And I would appreciate some insight on your attitude as far as badboy/alpha/dominant.. Etc.

Since mindset effects your outlook which effects your actions I think it's something to definitely touch on.

I referred him first to the relevant articles on this site for adopting the actions and behavior patterns of the cool, indomitable outsider that women adore:

... but what his question really seemed to be about was not actions, but mindsets; what does it feel like to be that devil-may-care guy... how do you think about things when you are this way... and how do you get to be this way in the first place?

This article's about that. It's about what it feels like to get an injection of attitude straight into the artery, and it's about how you go about getting that injection in the first place.

Carnival of Dating Advice, 22nd Edition

carnival of dating advice

May I present to you the Carnival of Dating Advice, 22nd Edition, here to bring you some of the best reads on dating, relationships, psychology, and more from across the web.

The article selection this time makes for an interesting mix of breezy reading, including a top 25 list on date ideas and a quick article on the psychology of attachment (in this case, to food), with some articles designed to make you stop and think, including those on mother issues, emotional unavailability, and treating relationship building as a problem-solving exercise.

Let's dive in...

Sexy Body Language for Men (Learned from Hot Girls)

I thought this would be a fun article to write.

If you haven't spent much time learning body language and expressions from the very sexy and attractive women you meet, you've been missing out on a valuable source of highly applicable lessons in being sexy, seductive, and downright charming. Pretty women might seem like an odd place to learn about men's body language, but they are, in fact, one of your most invaluable sources of preciously good information.

body language for men

In "How Much Do Looks Matter for Romantic Success?" I mentioned learning how to do well with girls mostly from guys who were seemingly naturally good with women. One of the biggest differences between these guys and other guys, I feel like, is that these guys usually have game that mimics that of women.

They get good by essentially taking what women do with them, and doing it right back toward women.

Many of the things on this site that constitute some of my bigger contributions to "game tech" (e.g., deep diving, pre-opening, Law of Least Effort, etc.) are partly or wholly drawn from adapting things I've watched women do with me and others.

I won't review the larger items here I've already covered in detail in other articles on the site - instead, this article will be focused on small little things you can do, that you might not have been aware of, that women do to you all the time and that are just as effective when you do them back. I've broken them down here into two classes: the physical, and facial expressions.

How Much Do Looks Matter for Romantic Success?

do looks matterLately, a friend of mine has been bringing up a recently acquired belief that looks are everything, and everything else is nothing, when it comes to meeting and picking up women. I've avoided being drawn into the debate as best I can, but any time I mention anything women-related, I've been hearing it from him: “Oh, I don't even listen to that, because the only thing that matters is looks.”

Disagreeing with him gets one told one is in denial, and he cites a few examples of very good looking friends of his who get better results with women than anybody else he knows as evidence that only good looking guys can get good looking girls.

I've refrained from weighing in too much on this until now, because I understand why he's thinking this way and why he's trying to convince everyone that looks are all that matters. But I felt like the topic is a good one, and that it'd make for good article fodder and be something worth addressing here. The topic being:

Do looks matter to women, and if so how much?

And the answer I've got for you here will almost certainly surprise you, no matter which side of the fence you fell on prior to reading this.

What to Do When You Meet Awkward Women

awkward womenA reader named Tomas asks the following about interacting with awkward women in "Spell Broken: Big Mistakes That Shred Conversation":

Just have a question. Some women do exactly one or more of those. They don't keep things light and/or stuck at topics and/or hold on to opposite opinions provoking debates and/or criticize... it might be even done unconsciously.

Sometimes she breaks the spell almost systematically and you cannot do anything. Those women may be attracted at first, but they literally undermine their own attraction to you. And I mean, not by your fault.

How should such situations be handled? If you persist, she loses all attraction. If you address the elephant in the room, she will be offended and sent into auto-rejection. In both cases, she will blame you for the result, not herself. Another option is just to disqualify her and run... Or is a better way?

I remember running into girls like this when I was still figuring out my approach with women exactly. It sort of feels like these girls have antibodies against connection formation. It's like they simply don't want to get to know people on an intimate basis.

Eventually I realized that they were doing the same thing I used to do back in high school - using humor and debate and topic-jumping to protect themselves from getting into any real, meaningful conversation... or any conversation that ventures too close to the personal.

Realizing this, I set about trying to get to the bottom of it - and to see if I could find a way around it.

How to Visualize: 5 Steps to Massive Success

If you're the kind of hard-nosed, stubborn-headed realist I am, things like visualization usually sound like some kind of hippie-ish New Age flimflam to you the first 10 or 12 times you hear about them. That's how it was for me anyway, and I'd always laugh a little and shake my head dismissively when I'd hear people talking about "the power of visualization."

how to visualize

But the more I studied successful people, the more I kept running into things like visualization, meditation, and taking time out of your day to focus on what you want. Cases in point:

  • Henry Ford would take time out of his day to clear his thoughts and imagine the kind of company he wanted to build and the benefits it would provide to people

  • Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla - both rivals and peerless inventors, and both professed visualizers who imagined their inventions succeeding

  • Tiger Woods visualizes how the golf ball will move and where it will stop before he ever hits it

  • Arnold Schwarzenegger, before he spent much time bodybuilding and again once he started, spent time visualizing what it would feel like to win Mr. Universe, and began acting like he'd won it already a few years before he actually did

  • Jim Carrey, feeling broken down and beaten by his lack of success in Tinseltown, wrote himself a check for $10 million for "acting services rendered," dated it for 10 years later, Thanksgiving 1995, and stuffed it in his wallet so he'd never forget it. 10 years later, just before Thanksgiving 1995, he was told he'd be paid $10 million for the film Dumb and Dumber, and he buried the check, now falling apart and in pieces, with his father - it had been both of their dreams that he'd find success

Even Albert Einstein first hit upon the theory of relativity while visualizing it, and Steve Jobs talks about blocking out the outside noise to focus on the inner voice in his 2005 Stanford commencement address.

I read about Olympic skiers and world class tennis players visualizing the slopes or the game. I read about martial artists visualizing a bout before it began. Business builders visualizing what their business would one day look like, years before it showed any signs of ever getting there back when everyone else thought they were crazy.

And I thought, this isn't just some hippie New Age junk. There's something to this, and I'm not doing it, which means I'm missing out on it.

How to Get Your Girlfriend Back

A little over a year and a half ago, I wrote an article on here called "The Ultimate Guide on How to Get a Girl Back." It fairly quickly became one of the more popular articles on the site, as getting girls back whose interest you've lost tends to be a common thing a great many men are all trying to figure out.

That piece also led to me getting a relatively constant stream of emails and comments and requests to write the post I'd promised, provided there was enough interest, at the end of it - a post on how to get your girlfriend back.

how to get your girlfriend back

Here's the latest request, from longerjt on the article about using scarcity:

Chase -

So yesterday I layed it out and challenged a girlfriend to get in or out and she slammed me. I said I needed to know where she stood and that I was ready to move on and bam! She said take a hike. Guess I misplayed it.

Hence, can you do the post you promised some time ago, "how to get your girlfriend back" in "how to get a girl back"? I could use it now.

Thanks for the great stuff!


If you've been reading this site a while, you may have thought I was asleep at the wheel, or that I didn't care to address this question. A lot of people have asked about it.

But in fact, over the past 19 months or so, I've probably written a half dozen versions of this article. It's not that it's technically difficult to write... it's that there are certain moral implications in taking a girlfriend back, under certain conditions, that I feel it's important for men to understand, and it's also that I find most men trying to get their ex-girlfriends back are more concerned with what they want than with what their former girlfriends want (and need).

I think I'm in a place now where I can communicate this right.

So today, let's discuss how to get a girlfriend back - and who you need to be and what you need to be willing to do if you're going to pull this off.

It isn't always hard. Plenty of people get back together every day. But I'll be writing this for the hard cases - the ones where she isn't already knocking down your door for another try. So I'll be giving you some stuff that's tried and tested, that I've used myself multiple times, and that I've watched friends and students and mentees use effectively again and again.

But believe you me, if I find out you've used this irresponsibly and hurt some girl by being selfish, I will come to where you live and demolish you.

That out of the way, let's get on with it.

Brain Hacks: Using Moral Superiority to Turn Arguments

One of the most annoying, horrible, and downright irritating situations you'll ever run into socially is someone suddenly inveighing against you with emotionally-charged, finger-pointing, judgmental arguments.

moral superiority

These attacks are usually unexpected when you run into them, and they'll frequently catch you off guard. They can be confusing to know how to respond to if you're more accustomed to calm, cool-headed debates about the merits and drawbacks of a specific subject - then suddenly here's someone sandblasting you with hatred and unadulterated emotion. I'm sure you've experienced it at some point or another:

“People like you are the lowest kinds of people there are! You think you can just take whatever you want and not have to suffer the consequences! You think of no one but yourself!”

Suddenly, you're so deeply on the defensive trying to prove these accusations levied against you are untrue, that you end up effectively putting your hands up and saying, "Whoa, hey, stop, that's not true at all!"

Morality attacks also usually have a powerful communal effect, with any bystanders to the argument usually feeling either a) swept up in the argument and equally enraged and emboldened, or b) so afraid of being castigated themselves that they either just agree out of fear, or they remain quiet and let things unfold, not wanting to get in the way of an onrushing freight train.

That means that when someone starts hitting you with moral superiority, you need to be quick on your feet to not get quickly cast out as whatever you're being labeled as - and the way to do that, of course, is fighting fire with fire: you must use moral superiority right back.